Learning To Swim
Chapter Thirteen: The Explanation
We've made some progress getting Peepers and Hater to use their words to communicate. Let's see how that goes!
Enjoy the chapter and see you at the bottom!
"Fine." Peepers' voice was completely cold, professional and devoid of emotion.
"Wait, ya mean…?" Wander clasped his hands together, smile wide and trembling, voice rising to a squeak, and Peepers hastened to cut him off, slightly more sharply.
"I am not agreeing to come back! I have simply decided, upon some consideration, that I will meet with Hater and discuss the matter, and at the very least, tender my resignation in person."
He squinted across at Wander, whose expression was still that of someone who had been given ice cream and a puppy simultaneously, then sighed, rolling his eye in frustration.
"That's okay, Mr. Peepers! I did say no one was gonna push you. Ya need to decide what's the best fer you!" Wander blinked several times, obviously fighting back tears of joy, and Peepers clenched his hands. He could feel a headache coming on, and was already regretting sharing his decision with the orange lunatic.
"Well, I guess we aughta get goin', then!" Wander leaned out of the booth, waving to a passing waiter excitedly, before suddenly remembering his disguise and slapping the moustache back on.
It took a moment for the words to register past the general annoyance Peepers had for Wander's voice, manner and mere presence at the moment, and he simply sputtered for a minute as the nomad paid for their food, snarled in mock anger at the waiter, and then waved cheerily to his rapidly retreating back.
"What do you mean: 'we aught to get going?"' Peepers demanded once he'd found his voice. "I have no intention of going back with you."
"Aw, don't be shy, Mr. Peepers!" Wander wasn't the least deterred by his angry tone as he stacked their empty plates and cups, then pulled a cloth from his hat and proceeded to buff the table with it. "I can give you a ride! Don't want ya to have ta spend too much money on the trip back. What if you decide you don't wanna stay?"
Peepers raised a finger, about to retort, then paused. His wallet really wasn't all that heavy at the moment, as a matter of fact. Hater was always finding excuses not to pay him, and it wasn't exactly like he had another job lined up. He wasn't even sure he could bring himself to apply for one at the moment, not that he was about to admit that, to Wander or Hater when he saw him. Saving the money he would have to spend on another exorbitantly overpriced taxi could make quite a difference.
But the alternative, accepting a ride from the obnoxious, orange freak who'd ruined his life, was not what he'd call appealing.
Taking a deep, steadying breath, Peepers glared across at Wander, pinning the revolting fur ball with his sharp gaze and levelling a pointed finger right between his eyes.
"You don't talk to me while we're traveling, you don't sing or play that flarping banjo, you drop me off two blocks away in a back alley where no one can see us, and you never mention it to Lord Hater or the zbornak. Ever."
"It's a deal!" Wander grinned excitedly, not remotely put off by the watchdog's conditions. Peepers found himself confronted with a furry orange hand, held out for him to shake.
Instead, he slid out of the booth, standing and glancing around the big room, before heading towards the door without waiting for the nomad.
He just hoped he wasn't about to regret either of the decisions he'd just made.
Peepers should have known he'd end up regretting at least one of those decisions. Taking Wander up on his offer had been at as unpleasant as just forking over the cash for a taxi would have been.
He had been surprised that the insipid furball kept to his word about not talking, singing or playing music while they were in the orble, but found himself wishing he'd added a few more conditions.
Like no smiling. He definitely should have restricted smiling.
He tried to ignore his companion, staring out at the stars and wishing he knew what to say to Hater when they finally got there, but he could feel Wander's wide smile boring into his back whenever he turned away.
The torture was almost over, in fact he could see the curve of the planet as Wander guided the orble down lower. However, before they could even start looking for a secluded place to land, Peepers was horrified to sight a second orble rising to meet them. As it came closer and he could see its passengers, cold dread settled over him like a fog.
"Hey, you found him! Nice job, buddy."
"No biggie, Syl." Mr. Peepers an' I had a nice chat an…" Wander trailed off, suddenly remembering his promise and looking at Peepers apologetically. Placing a hand beside his mouth and leaning close, Wander whispered "Sorry 'bout that. I didn't realize they'd be comin' to meet us."
Peepers barely heard him. He was busy looking at Hater, who was looking uncomfortably away. Only once the orbles had touched down again and popped, did Hater turn to him, though the overlord still didn't seem to quite be meeting his eye. Peepers seemed to be having the same trouble. This was partly why he'd left the way he had in the first place. He hadn't known how to tell Hater he was leaving without it turning into a big awkward mess. He supposed that was unavoidable now.
Vaguely, he heard the zbornak telling Wander to give them some space, and registered that the two of them had gone away somehow, leaving him and Hater in the big empty park.
Which meant one of them should really start talking. He just wished he wasn't the one who had to begin.
"Soooo, Lord Hater. How was your day?" Peepers clasped his hands behind his back, eye blinking innocently up at Hater.
The overlord himself was in the process of fighting back the contrasting impulses to either beg Peepers to take his job back or throttle him for leaving. He wasn't entirely certain which one was stronger. He settled for a fake careless attitude, crossing his arms and looking away.
"Oh, you know, I was just being awesome and evil and completely in control of everything and definitely not panicking like a loser after you left." He shot the watchdog a measuring look, trying to see if Peepers was buying it.
"Well, that's…good to hear. I'm glad you're managing so well without me, sir."
"Yep! Sure am! I mean, I'm the Greatest In The Galaxy after all. It'd be weird if I was having trouble running my empire just because you were unprofessional enough to just leave without a word in the middle of the night. Or anything."
Peepers sighed, and Hater wasn't sure if it was frustration or resignation.
"I suppose that's true, sir."
"Yeah, but, like..." Hater paused, looking down at his shoe, which he was scuffing awkwardly around on the grass. He forced his foot to be still. "That doesn't mean I don't deserve an explanation. Even if I'm totally fine on my own, it's not like I wanted you to go."
"Didn't you, sir?" Peepers raised his eyebrow incredulously.
Hater blinked, then narrowed his eyes down at the watchdog.
"Of course not! Grop, Peepers, just because I yelled at you last night, it doesn't mean…"
"You yelled at me last night," Peepers' voice was quiet, yet it cut through Hater's indignation like a hot knife. "For capturing Wander."
Hater looked away, uncomfortable all of a sudden.
"Yeah, so?"
"Well, Lord Hater, it seems to me that the empire has had two goals over the last couple of years." Peepers held up one hand, counting on his fingers as he spoke. Those goals have been to conquer the galaxy and to destroy Wander." He shot Hater a piercing look that the overlord couldn't quite bring himself to meet. "Now, it's been clear to me for a while that conquering the galaxy is no longer your main priority…"
"That's not true!" Hater interjected angrily. "Whoever told you that is dumb and lame and dumb! I still want to conquer the galaxy, more than ever!"
"I'd love to believe you, sir." Peepers now sounded slightly strained. "But let's face the facts. We've been struggling to keep our numbers up for a while now. Your planet count keeps dropping as other villains scrape away at the edges of your territory, and we're failing to make up any significant ground. We're regularly knocked down beneath complete nameless nobodies on the villain leaderboard. Yet, it doesn't seem to me that you care all that much. You fall asleep during briefings, forget when you're supposed to make your dramatic entrances, and take every opportunity to duck out of the invasions entirely."
Peepers paused for breath and Hater opened his mouth to deny any such behaviour had occurred, then closed it again. Try as he might to find instances that refuted Peepers' words, he found himself drawing a blank over and over again. He just hadn't been engaged or interested in Peepers' plans for conquest for a while now. It wasn't that he didn't want to conquer all the pathetic planets out there for the taking, he just had other stuff to think about, that was all. And lately, all that other stuff had seemed, well, more pressing. The invasion plans had held his attention less and less as his chaotic emotions for Wander seemed to take up more space inside his skull. His jaw hung open for a moment, then snapped shut again.
"All of this has led me to conclude," Peepers continued when Hater remained silent, "that the goal you were much more focused on was trying to destroy Wander, and make no mistake sir, it's not like I was in favour of you derailing invasion plans to take off after him or trying to sneak around and destroy him behind my back. Quite frankly, it's been a constant source of stress since day one, but at least it was, well, evil I suppose, and you're certainly not the only villain to put a stop to the orange creatin."
Now Peepers was the one who looked away, out across the darkness of a peaceful nighttime planet, without giant skull flags, a battalion of watchdogs or a line of weeping citizens hard at work. When the eye found Hater again, the overlord saw that Peepers' look had softened. He looked almost wistful.
"And I stuck by you through all of that, all the Wander-related disasters, because I knew how important it was to you, and I believed in the Lord Hater Empire. I thought we could still make things work, that I could make you understand the importance of conquering again, get you interested in the invasions the way you used to be, or that maybe you'd finally succeed in electrocuting the furry freak and everything would go back to normal."
Hater winced at that, partly at how obviously distressed Peepers was, and partly at a memory of himself, what seemed a lifetime ago, furiously chasing after Wander, trying with all his might to kill the little pest. It wasn't a pleasant picture, and it was an almost surreal feeling remembering his burning hatred for the nomad, how he'd dreamed of destroying him in the most painful way possible, of finally getting Wander to fear him and beg for his life. Hater shook the memory away. He didn't want to think about that.
"But then last night," Peepers' voice was quieter now, almost a whisper, "I suppose my eye was opened for the first time since all this started." His gaze zeroed in on Hater and the overlord was shocked by the sadness in it. "You really don't hate him anymore, do you sir? All this time, all the resources and the collateral damage, the number of times the skull-ship has been blown up, and the sheer scope of the power and respect that maniac has cost us, and you don't hate him."
Hater's crossed arms tightened over his chest.
"Not only that, you seem to actually like him, and I still haven't heard a single reason why. You haven't even bothered to explain anything to me. Me! Your loyal commander who has served you faithfully for years and works day and night to help you conquer the galaxy so you can finally become the ultimate ruler you deserve to be! You've been mooning around the skull-ship ever since that night you went to the fair together. You've been even more distracted by the pest than normal, if that is even possible, but you wouldn't talk to me!"
Peepers' voice was trembling with emotion, but his eye was dry as he stared up at Hater. "So, tell me, sir" he demanded. "Tell me what it is about that scraggly orange vagabond that makes him so important, that makes you care about his wellbeing and invite him over for dinner and chocolates!"
"You want an explanation for why I left? I want a reason why I should still be here, a reason why you even need a commander anymore if you no longer want to conquer the galaxy and have started going on dates with the greatest threat the Lord Hater Empire has ever encountered! In short sir, tell me why you still want me around when you have him."
Peepers stopped talking, eye narrowed on Hater's face, hands clenched at his sides and shaking slightly after his speech.
Hater tried to gather himself for a reply. His jaw opened and closed a few times but no words came out. He felt overwhelmed by everything Peepers had said. Yes, he'd known the situation was frustrating for the watchdog, but he'd had no idea of the extent of Peepers' feelings, or the sheer amount of stress his third in command must have been under. He'd been much more focused on his own conflicting emotions and the mental labyrinth he'd been forced to navigate. Now it was clear how much this had been bothering Peepers, and part of the problem had certainly been the way Hater had been avoiding talking about any of this.
Peepers had said a great deal, and not everything he'd said was correct, but he'd made enough valid points that Hater knew he couldn't just dismiss the watchdog's worries. He was going to need to actually respond, though he really wasn't sure how to do so.
Peepers had asked why he didn't hate Wander anymore. Maybe that was a good place to start. Hater wasn't exactly sure what the answer was, but he supposed he could go through the events that had led up to everything and at least some of the emotions he'd been struggling with. Just as he'd never really noticed that Peepers was having a hard time, he'd hidden much of his own turmoil from his commander, so maybe if he went over some of it, that would help Peepers to understand his perspective a little better.
"I don't…exactly know when it started, Peepers." Hater's voice was quiet as well. For once, he was trying not to bluster, to lay out his feelings as clearly as he could, within reason. Peepers had been honest with him. Hater supposed it was his turn to do the same. "You know he's always been around, bugging me and getting me to chase him. I always figured the same thing you did, that I'd be able to focus more on conquering when I'd finally managed to destroy him. Then we had that destruction ceremony, and everything was finally perfect."
Hater grimaced slightly. Feeling like he needed something to do, he stomped over to the wooden park bench and sat, crossing his legs. Peepers followed his lead, sitting on the far side of the bench, still tense, eye focused on him as though compelling him to continue. When he did, it was almost in a whisper, as though he was afraid to admit to what came next.
"I think it was the first time he stopped being annoying. We were planning it together and it was actually kind of fun. It was like…I didn't even think about it being Wander anymore, you know? We were just having a good time and everything was going so smoothly. Until you showed up." Hater glared down at his hands in his lap. "I know I went behind your back, but only because I knew you'd get upset if you found out, and it's not like I wasn't excited for Boomapalooza, or that I'm not interested in conquering anymore. The whole thing just got a little…out of hand."
"So then, if everything was perfect, why did you save him?" Peepers' voice was neutral, but Hater still felt the accusation. He clenched his hands in frustration.
"I don't know! He just…he was smiling at me, but it wasn't one of those stupid, dumb annoying smiles he used to have. And he was just sitting there, not even trying to escape and then, well, that happened." Hater took a steadying breath. He still felt strange when he thought about the rest of that night, how Wander had shown up in his room and the reason he'd given for not escaping, how Wander had seemed more worried about disappointing Hater than about the very real possibility of his own death.
"After that, he kept showing up, because he always does, and I kinda…didn't want to destroy him anymore. So, we'd just…talk. And it was really awkward, but I didn't hate seeing him." Hater looked over at Peepers, who was watching him silently. It wasn't exactly encouraging, but it seemed easier to talk now that he'd started. Maybe he actually had wanted to share all this with Peepers, despite how hard he'd tried to hide it.
"Then he suggested we do something and, I don't know. I guess him being around was still weird but not really…bad. And he's Wander. Not like he was gonna stop showing up. So, yeah, we went to the fair together and it was…fun, playing games and junk." Hater paused again, trying to keep his voice from sounding too strained. This was the tough part, when he really had to talk about his feelings for the fuzzy little weirdo. He felt like Peepers already knew most of it, at least what he'd gathered while Hater was under the influence of that electric squid. The watchdog had certainly figured out that their get together last night had been a date, but this was the first time Hater was actually trying to tell Peepers about it, and it was still very nerve-wracking.
"I still…I'm not really sure what happened. He was hugging me, like he always does, and I guess I could have thrown him off or zapped him or something but I didn't really want to." Hater could feel his face heating up now and resisted the urge to pull his hood down to cover his face. He wasn't sure how much of this he wanted to tell Peepers, and figured the watchdog didn't need to hear all the details.
"He was…really close to me, and I started thinking about stuff, how I'd been feeling when he was around. He didn't…trick me into anything or, or make a move on me. I'm the one who kissed him." Hater's hands were clenched so tightly he could feel the gloves squeaking over the bone. He couldn't look at Peepers now, eyes staring down at his feet. "And we had a good time last night too. I want to keep seeing him. I don't know why I don't hate him any more, I don't know why I don't find him that annoying or want to destroy him. Like yeah, he's still Wander, and he's weird and does stupid things sometimes. But he's…nice to be around and he makes me feel good."
He shot a look over at Peepers, who seemed to be doing his best to listen without interrupting, though Hater had heard some kind of choked off exclamation when he'd admitted to kissing Wander.
"But anyway," Hater's volume increased slightly as he moved away from the dreaded subject, "none of that means I've changed. Yeah, I changed my mind about hating Wander, and yeah, we might have maybe decided that we're dating now, but that doesn't mean I'm not still the rad, super cool galactic dictator I always was. I'm not going to stop being evil and subjugating planets under my electric fist. Okay, so you were right that I haven't been paying attention during briefings, and about some of that other stuff. I've had a lot on my mind lately, and maybe some of it's been Wander…"
Peepers made a sound a lot like a stifled snort, and Hater's eyes narrowed into a glare before continuing.
"I still want to conquer the galaxy, and I'm still going to, so there!"
Hater looked away again, forcing his hands to unclench and to at least appear casual.
"And, I don't know, I guess I always figured you'd be here with me for that, commanding my armies and, and, doing all that other stuff you do, you know?" Hater waved a hand to indicate Peepers' other duties on the skull-ship, though he wasn't sure what all of them were. "Like, I don't need you, and I can handle all of this myself, but I don't want to. I want you to take your job back, and you'll just have to deal with Wander being around, and him and me doing stuff sometimes. But," Hater looked back over at Peepers, forcing himself to meet the watchdog's intense gaze, "I'll try to pay more attention in meetings and briefings, and conquer planets more often. I want you to stay, Peepers, no matter what!"
Finished, Hater clasped his hands together in his lap, resisting the urge to look away while he waited for Peepers' answer. If this didn't work to convince the watchdog, he didn't know what else he could say. He was not going to break up with Wander, nor go back to trying to destroy the little nomad. Both thoughts made a sick feeling swirl through his stomach cavity. And he wasn't going to apologize for anything he'd done. Planetary conquerors didn't apologize, especially not to their subordinates.
Still, he felt dread pool inside him as the seconds ticked by, as he waited to hear what Peepers would say.
"I wish there was somethin' we could do ta help the poor fellas."
Sylvia followed Wander's gaze towards the park where the two former allies were talking. She leaned back again on the squeaky plastic cushion on the bench in the diner and peered over the edge of her menu, noting Wander's wistful sigh and the way his shoulders drooped as he rested his chin on his hand.
"We did all we could, buddy," she reassured. "It's up to the two of them now. You can't force them to stay together."
"I know." Wander sighed again. "An' at least they're talkin' now. That's a step in the right direction."
"That's the spirit." Sylvia tried to focus on her menu once more, but another sigh, even more wistful than the one before, forced her eyes up again. "Seriously, Wander, you've got to give yourself a break. Hater and Peepers will work it out themselves, and if they don't well, then that's how it's gotta be. I'm surprised you even got the pipsqueak to come back with you to be honest. I thought for sure I was going to have to deck him a few times to get him to come around."
For the first time, Wander looked over at her, and she saw a hint of a smile.
"I was a li'l surprised myself. Guess he really didn't wanna leave like that, at least without talkin' about it." With one final deep breath, he moved away from the window, settling down on his side of the bench and picking up his menu for the first time. "You're right, Syl. I reckon all they need's some time ta chat an' work things out."
"Exactly!" Sylvia wasn't sure the problem would be so easily solved, and even if Peepers agreed to come back, there would probably still be a lot of conflict looming on the horizon, but she supposed that was something they'd have to deal with later.
Still, despite her words, she caught her own eyes being drawn to the window, and had to force them away. Even though it would probably solve a lot of her problems in the long run if Peepers stayed gone, she found herself hoping the optic nerd would rethink his resignation, though even she wasn't sure why she cared.
Either way, she knew her life would stay interesting for a long time to come.
Now it was Peepers' turn to feel metaphorically tongue tied, metaphorically only since he didn't have a tongue. He'd demanded the truth, and Hater had given it to him, in all its awful glory. He was certain Hater was leaving out a lot of detail, and the overlord had really glossed over his thought process and how exactly he'd realized he liked Wander, but it was still the most honestly Hater had talked to him in a long time. Besides, Peepers wasn't sure he could handle many more details about his boss and the hippy dating.
It was up to him to decided what to do. He'd heard what Hater had to say, and he had to figure out if any of it changed how he felt.
He still felt like the Hater empire was doomed in the long run if Hater was determined to continue dating his former nemesis. Hater had said he hadn't changed, and Wander had said he wasn't trying to change the overlord, but Peepers still felt it was inevitable. What were they supposed to do the next time the two nomads showed up to stop one of their invasions? He'd already had a taste of how much more distracted by Wander Hater was since he stopped trying to kill the furry mop. There was also the worry that the more they were together, the greater the chance that Wander's pacifistic beliefs would start rubbing off on Hater, that Hater would start thinking it was wrong to conquer planets and other such damaging ideas. The risk was certainly there.
Yet, at the same time, Peepers felt the first whispers of determination flicker through him. Hater hadn't given up on conquering; it seemed like it was still something he wanted to do, even if the nomad's distractions had gotten worse. And he still wanted Peepers around. Hater had said he wanted to conquer the galaxy together, with his commander by his side. That counted for a lot, and it meant even more that Hater had been willing to admit to it, even if he was still insisting that he could do everything on his own. He'd even promised to focus more on conquering, though Peepers wouldn't hold his breath on that until he saw it.
Peepers had to admit that he was feeling much better having Hater actually talk to him, and tell him about everything he'd only been suspecting before. And knowing Hater still wanted him around made warmth spread through him.
"If I did come back, Lord Hater," he started. "There would have to be some changes."
"What kind of changes?" Hater narrowed his eyes suspiciously, but he was still looking eagerly over at Peepers, and he couldn't quite mask the hope in his voice.
"I will be making an invasion schedule, and we will be sticking to it. No canceling last minute to go do something with," he shuddered, "Wander."
"Fine!" Hater answered quickly. "But, uh, you still have to leave me some free evenings to have totally awesome dates. And play my video games!"
"Fair enough, sir."
Yes, Peepers thought. This could work. He still wasn't comfortable with this situation, and he still meant to keep an eye on Hater and Wander when he could. He wasn't going to let the fuzzy spoon pull one over on him, though kidnapping him again was probably a bad idea. And maybe once things had calmed down a little, Hater would be a little less distracted and able to focus more on invading.
Maybe he'd even get lucky and Hater would eventually get over whatever weird crush he had on Wander and break up with the nomad, though Peepers wouldn't hold his breath regarding that hope either.
Not too much had changed, but Peepers still felt more optimistic than he had in a while. He was the commander of the Lord Hater Empire after all. He'd overcome impossible odds before, and he would once again.
"Then you agree to come back?"
"Absolutely, sir!" Peepers stood, pulling off a sharp salute, feeling confidence fill him once more.
"Good, then get back to work, Commander Peepers! Someone messed up the skull-ship's controls, and now it flies all lopsided. And someone else crashed it into a trailer truck ship and it got all dented!"
Some of the confidence seeped back out through Peepers' boots and he could feel a headache starting.
"Yes, sir, I'll get right on that."
At least he was back where he belonged, even if it came with a big heap of problems for him to deal with. Wander was just one of those problems, he supposed, but not one he had to deal with this evening.
Thanks for reading!
Lotta feeling-heavy discussions in this series lol. Hope they aren't boring for anyone, and that you all liked Hater and Peepers finally being honest with each other! They finally laid all their cards on the table, and we got a resolution of sorts, though I'm sure there will still be some complications later on.
Next up there will be a couple more episode rewrites, and some interim chapters. I will be ending this story right before The Battle Royale, and the third installment will begin with my version of that episode.
Thanks for reading and see you next time!