"She's stabilizing. Vitals are green."

"Is she awake?"

"She might be conscious soon."

Ow.

Consciousness was greeted with pain and suffering.

Agony was so persistent it blocked out all other sensation. It was overwhelming. making it impossible to even try to think. It was unbearable, infecting her muscles, tugging at her joints, drilling into her bones. It smothered her like an evil blanket, far too tight and too heavy and too warm to be comfortable beneath. But it was the worst in her head. It felt like her brain was being forced against her skull, pressing against the back of her eyes, squeezing it against the inside of her skull. It was like a balloon so full of air it might pop. It was pure agony.

Ow.

Himiko Toga let out a wheezing rasp of a whimper, barely stirring as she woke. She moved to rub her eyes, but her arms caught on something hard, clattering against her wrists and making her wince in pain. Her body already felt like it was falling apart- it didn't need any external help.

She tried to take a deep breath, but even her lungs were working against her, hardly able to do anything more than take short, painful gasps of fresh air. The air itself was painful, chilly and thick, it filled her lungs and seemed to tear its way through. It dug itself into her lungs and almost refused to leave until halfway through her exhale.

Himiko was forced to do nothing but lie and wait. Heartbeat after heartbeat. Breath after breath. She wanted to cry, but she didn't have the energy for it. She wanted to adjust herself in bed, but moving was an impossible task. Minutes felt like hours as she waited for the world to cut her a break.

The pain didn't exactly start to fade, but she was slowly becoming aware of other sensations. At first they were only added to the vague, oppressive ache tugging at her body, but after what felt like hours she slowly became able to identify them. There was an odd weight against her face, pressing against her mouth and nose. It was warm and sort of humid- an odd contrast from the cool, thick air she was breathing. There was a constant, low buzzing sound that seemed to come from the sky itself, interrupted every other second by an obnoxious, loud, steady beeping coming from somewhere behind her. There was a soreness in her arms, with a familiar tightness of her skin that felt pinchy and punitive. She could feel a thin sheen of sweat against her skin. And even worse, there was an itch behind her ear she could already tell would be impossible to scratch.

Time ticked by, with its only indication being the continuous beep coming from behind her. She had to regain herself. She had to fight. She couldn't just slip away like this, lost to whatever sleepy darkness was itching to reclaim her. She started with her name. Himiko Toga. 被身子 渡我. She'd memorized the characters years ago, often filling the blank spaces around them with flowers or birds or kitten ears. The pen strokes were ingrained in her muscle memory as deeply as her route home from school. Her name was Himiko Toga. And she was alive.

Slowly, she gathered the energy to open her eyes just a crack. She was immediately blinded by bright, white fluorescent lights and was forced to close them again, whining weakly at the discourteous assault. They were the culprit behind the buzzing that was aggravating her migraine, bathing the room she was in with their sanitized, oppressive white light.

More time passed before she tried again, light pouring through her lashes so aggressively she thought she could feel it. She didn't run from it this time, instead letting the light overwhelm her as much as the rest of the pain in her body. It took minutes to adjust, and even then she could only open her eyes so far before they began to sting. She tried to use her hands to create some shade, but her wrists could hardly even clear her shoulders before clanging against the same cool metal a second time. Himiko blinked a few times, forcing her eyes to adjust to the world around her. Dark shapes slowly solidified into sanitized looking furniture- all an unnatural white in the bright light of the room.

"She's awake! She's awake!"

The world took its time coming into focus, clearly in less of a rush than she was in. With it, were two faces she hadn't exactly expected to see.

Ochako-chan, and Izuku-kun.

They were standing at the side of her bed, with Izuku resting a comforting hand on Ochako's shoulder. He was looking expectantly down into Himiko's pale gold eyes with an excited expression on his face. He was sporting an odd haircut, with the dark green hair on the left side of his head shorter than the rest. He was also covered in a few scars Himiko couldn't remember him having- and she'd made a point of committing his scars to memory.

Ochako was… different. She looked like she hadn't slept in days. She looked exhausted, and even worse… those wide brown eyes Himiko had seen in her dreams could only meet her own gaze for a second before they were cast down on the floor.

Was this a dream? Could she be in so much pain during a dream? Could electronic beeping be so annoying in a dream?

Himiko reached out to the two, hoping beyond hope they'd take her hand. Ochako's eyes quickly darted from the floor, to Himiko's hand, then to her gaze finally. She started to reach out before… she pulled her hand back. Like a child that'd been told they had to wait until after dinner for a cookie. Like someone who'd been scolded. Or worse, someone who hadn't meant to reach out at all.

Instead, Izuku was the one who reached for her hand. Ever the optimist, ever the charmer, ever the most honest person Himiko had ever known. Himiko was desperate for someone to take her hand. Anyone. But that eager darkness was already tugging her back down. It had its hold on her and was whispering sweet nothings in her ear that nothing- not even Izuku's excitable looking face- could silence.

Nothing except for that damn beeping. That was speeding up.

"Her heart rate!"

"She's crashing!"

"Toga-san!"

Himiko Toga was in a lot of pain, and very, very sleepy. Her consciousness slipped from her grasp like blood through her fingers before Izuku ever had the chance to take her hand…

Himiko had never been a fan of hospitals. The constant, loud beeping, the acrid scents, the poking and prodding. Plus, she'd never had the most pleasant experiences around blood until… well… Not to mention most of her Quirk Counseling sessions had taken place in a hospital setting as well, and the association of those places with the disapproving scowl of the psychiatrists and panicked rejection from her parents was fairly strong. She avoided hospitals as often as she could, and hadn't been to one in… years? Certainly not since before she'd run away from home.

Not before she'd decided to live life in a way that made her happy.

She opened her eyes, first one, then the other. Things felt… odd. Like they weren't doing their job right. She closed them, and tried again. Her left eye seemed normal! Her right… the world came in dim and blurry, like peering through a dirty window during a rainstorm. Even focusing on the tile ceiling above her was challenging, but she fought to do it anyway. The room around her was spinning, and she could hear the not so faint frantic chatter from nearby doctors. She didn't care about any of that…

How had she ended up in a hospital?

She tried to take a deep breath, but her lungs ached as she did so. That was when she noticed the mask against her face. The soft weight and humid warmth she'd felt before had been the oxygen mask secured against her, feeding her cool breaths of air and fogged up a little as she breathed out. She turned her head slightly and finally understood the sore tightness in her arms had been because of the half dozen IV drips in her. The annoying beeping had been coming from her heart monitor. The clanging she felt whenever she moved her arms were the metal handcuffs chaining her to the hospital bed.

Handcuffs?

A small dam seemed to burst, and memories started to flood into her mind. The war. The battle. The way she'd dragged Izuku with her as she'd been pushed through a warp gate. She'd been desperate to confess her love to him, hoping beyond hope that he'd accept her feelings and maybe even go on a date? She remembered how nervous he'd looked when he'd asked for clarification, as if no one had ever confessed to him before. She remembered how disappointed she'd felt when he'd declined… Was it really that silly for a girl to hope the boy she had a crush on might return her feelings?

Himiko remembered how even Ochako had rejected her. She remembered how they'd fought in some home she'd hid away in. She remembered how the younger girl had promised that she'd stop her. And she remembered the way she'd dug her knife into Ochako's stomach. She remembered the blood- so much blood. She'd wanted to hurt Ochako so badly. Why did she get to live a normal life, with the cutest boy on the planet, while Himiko got nothing but rejection at every turn? Her parents, her friends, her crushes…

She'd hated everything about the heroes. But… that wasn't entirely the truth.

Not at all. She held strong feelings for them both, but they weren't entirely hatred. In fact… they hadn't been hatred at all. But thinking about all of that now was exhausting. She couldn't dwell on it- not when there was a swarm of bees in her head and a hand squeezing her heart.

Could she even be sure most of those memories were real? Or had it all been a dream? Or had some been a dream and she'd never be able to sort through what'd actually happened without help?

She tried to sit up, but the moment she began to move her headache throbbed with a vengeance, bringing her back down to the thin mattress. Her head was spinning, her throat was dry, and she felt the intense need to barf even though she was positive there was nothing in her stomach. She was kind of stuck for the time being, anyway.

She let her eyes wander around the room. Izuku and Ochako were sitting on the far side of the room. Izuku looked like he'd just woken up from a nap, while Ochako looked like she still hadn't even tried to sleep. The moment her pale gold gaze met Ochako's soft brown, the heroine looked down at the floor, incapable of meeting her eyes any longer. Himiko frowned and continued to look around the room instead. Round, sanitized looking furniture. Medical equipment she'd never cared to learn the names of. Behind a glass wall sat a girl, roughly her age with odd pink hair and yellow eyes. She was speaking in English with another girl who was clearly a foreigner. This one had long blonde hair, blue eyes and glasses. Finally, there was an old lady that Himiko somewhat recognized as the elderly hero, Recovery Girl.

Her mind was slow and foggy, but she was gradually able to piece together more and more of her current situation. She must've survived her fight with Ochako. Looking down at the younger girl, covered in blood, Himiko had decided that she'd give up her own life for the life of someone she loved. She'd give Ochako a second chance, after the younger girl had pushed herself to the brink of death to extend a hand to her. She'd sacrificed herself with a blood transfusion, fully expecting to die in Ochako's place. Instead… she'd survived. And now she was here…

But why? Why was she here at all? Who had gone through the trouble of keeping her alive? And for what reason?

Himiko took a breath to speak and immediately fell into a coughing fit. Her throat was dry and her voice had hardly been more than a rasp. Each cough was incredibly weak, and it felt like the only fluid in her mouth was the blood she could taste at the back of her throat. She tried to reach to cover her mouth, but her wrists caught on the handcuffs again.

Right.

Izuku was the first to move, quickly walking to the sink, grabbing a cup and turning the water on. Ochako was right behind him, opening a drawer and grabbing a bright pink plastic straw before putting it in the cup. Himiko could just barely make out a whispered she's okay shared between the two. They were quick to Himiko's side and Izuku gently removed her mask before offering her a sip.

"Take your time, Toga-san," Izuku said. It was hard for Himiko to read his tone as anything but pity- especially with that san honorific. It made her skin itch. She didn't need his pity. That's not what she'd ever wanted from anyone. Especially not from him. She narrowed her eyes at him for a few moments, trying her best to discern what he was thinking. There was something so honest about him. Something so charming and hopeful about him. It was impossible to honestly believe he had any ill intention. After a few moments, she took a small breath before taking a sip of the offered water. Even at room temperature, it burned her throat. It felt as if her entire mouth and throat were dehydrated. Another sip and she had to pull away to cough. She could taste even more blood at the back of her throat.

"Uraraka-san and I are glad you're okay. We were really worried about you," he said as he pulled the styrofoam cup away from her lips and readjusted the mask on her face to let her breathe properly again. His voice was soft and gentle despite how excited he sounded. Almost like he knew she'd had a headache. He was so kind and patient. Impossibly sweet.

It felt unreal. Undeserved.

It took Himiko a few tries and several choked, wheezing gasps to finally get her words out.

"What… happened to Jin-kun," Himiko hissed. Her head was spinning and her throat was hoarse, but she forced herself to speak. She had to know. Maybe- maybe he might still be…

"Twice," Izuku asked, a bit of the excited tone he always had leaving his voice as he spoke. His shoulders dropped a bit, and his lips fell into a small frown. "He… The clones disappeared, Toga-san… He… he's gone." He seemed… genuinely sad about that. Even if it hadn't exactly been his fault that Jin had been murdered. Still, it hurt to hear that she hadn't been able to save her friend. Someone she'd cared about so deeply. Someone who had risked his life for her… He was gone. Gone forever now that she'd used up his blood. Still, she'd at least already had the time to grieve for him. It'd been weeks since Hawks had betrayed them. Speaking of that supposed hero…

"And Dabi-kun?" Her memory was a little hazy, but she was positive she'd seen a blast. An explosion. A wave of light and heat that she'd been sure had been Dabi's final hurrah. She'd hoped he'd been able to live as he'd pleased.

"... he… he died not long after the battle," Izuku answered, seeming to take another blow as he responded. Again, Himiko was positive he wasn't directly responsible. She couldn't be sure who Dabi had been fighting before his death- that day had been so chaotic- but she was sure Izuku must've been far away from that fight. And much closer to… Well, there was one more person she had to ask about, and she was almost positive that he'd be responsible this time.

"... and Tomura-kun?"

Izuku took a long time to answer, but his body language told Himiko everything she needed to know. His shoulders slumped, his head hung, his eyes could hardly meet hers anymore. Ochako reached out, placing a hand on his shoulder to comfort him. Wasn't that nice.

"... I'm sorry," he finally answered, a few tears running down his face as he met her gaze again.

Himiko looked to Ochako, hoping for her to say something more, but the younger woman still couldn't take her eyes off the polished floor. She seemed even guiltier than Izuku looked. Himiko signaled for another sip of water, hoping to overcome the itchy dryness at the back of her throat. Izuku was quick to comply, removing her mask and letting her take a few sips before putting her mask back on for her.

"So… you killed us all… Why am I here?"

"No. Mr. Compress and Spinner are still alive! We… we tried to save everyone we could, Toga-san. I promise." Himiko believed him. She really, truly did. Something about him gave off the impression that he was an awful liar, if he ever did lie about anything. That only made the fate of her friends hurt even worse. She hadn't been able to save Jin. Dabi had blown himself up. And Tomura hadn't gotten the chance to tear down the society that had failed them all so deeply. They'd lost, but losing wasn't what was so heartbreaking. It was never having the chance to change what they'd needed to change…

They'd failed…

She looked up at the tile ceiling again, blinking a few times to try to get her eyes to focus. Her left eye was still dim and blurry, hardly even able to make out the tiling that she could see clearly with her right eye. Oh well. She thought about what that might mean. About what Spinner or Mr. Compress were doing right now. About what Dabi or Jin or Tomura or Magne might say right now. Himiko took another breath, gathering herself to speak again. Her mouth was slowly getting used to the taste of blood, and her tongue and throat didn't hurt as much anymore.

"I asked Tomura-kun once… if he'd destroy everything." Just getting that far pushed her into another coughing fit. Izuku offered her another sip of water, but she pushed his hand away, glaring at him and daring him to move before she was done speaking again. "He promised me… I'd get to keep what I wanted… He promised he'd let you two live… and you heroes let my friends die instead…"

That… wasn't entirely the truth. Tomura had promised to leave some exceptions to what he'd destroy. But he hadn't exactly agreed that those exceptions would be the same heroes who stood against them. Still, Himiko was positive that he wouldn't go back on his promise after everything. He'd known how she felt about Izuku since she'd met him at their little summer camp, and she wouldn't have let Ochako die after their fight… And it's not like Tomura was here to say otherwise.

"I'm sorry, Toga-san… I couldn't save him," Izuku admitted, a few more tears welling up in his eyes. He was so… pretty when he cried. So… delicious. There was something about him that made Himiko want to sink her teeth into his throat and take a nice, big sip. The beeping of her heart monitor made her thoughts maybe a little louder than she intended.

Izuku was sorry for not having been able to save her friends. Tomura would've scoffed at him. Called him weak and naive. But he wasn't here right now. And maybe Tomura wasn't always right?

Tomura-kun, Magne, Jin-kun, Dabi-kun…

She'd lost a lot of friends.

None of that hurt as much as what was happening right now. Not Izuku's sadness- no, that was sweet. It was Ochako. The girl refused to even look at her. Those soft brown eyes were trained on Himiko's bedsheets, but never met her gaze. Why couldn't she look at her?

Did something happen during their fight?

Himiko remembered stabbing her. Sinking her favorite knife into Ochako's stomach and watching the blood pour out of her. There'd been so much blood. It stained her clothes and ran down her pale skin and colored it in beautiful shades of red while that same color drained from her face. Those rosy cheeks had become so pale as the younger girl had reached out to her.

They'd talked about romance. About how easily Himiko fell in love. About what love meant to her. About… other things… Had Ochako really tried so hard to save her? To convince her that she was worth saving? Had she… had she really called her cute?

No… that must've all been a dream. Himiko had been told her entire life that she was crazy for the way she expressed her emotions. That she was weird, or creepy, or wrong. There was no way Ochako had called her cute. There was no way Ochako had expressed any acceptance like that towards her… That'd all been a dream. Ochako had confessed her love for Izuku to her, after all. She remembered that somewhat clearly. And the way the younger girl seemed to reach for him right now, seemed to hang on his every word… She'd certainly gathered the courage to confess to him after their fight. He'd accepted her love without a second thought. Himiko could be happy for them at least.

Himiko tried to speak, but she fell into another coughing fit. No taste of blood this time, but it still hurt. It exhausted her as well, taking energy out of her she didn't have to spare. She could feel the greedy claws of that exhausting darkness tugging at her again, desperate for her to return to its embrace. She knew she wouldn't be able to fight it off for long, but… She had to know. She looked to Ochako, desperate for the girl to return her gaze. Desperate to not feel so alone. Why couldn't she reach out to her now the way she had before?

"Ochako-chan? … Do you hate me?" She needed to know. She had to know for sure. Her whole life, everyone around her had looked at her the same way Ochako was looking at her now- unable to meet her gaze. Looking anywhere but her eyes. Everyone was always afraid of her. Angry with her. Wanting her to be different. Certainly Ochako felt the same way as all the rest of them, didn't she?

"How could I possibly hate you, Toga-chan… You saved my life…" Those brown eyes met Himiko's pale gold, and Himiko thought the world had stopped. Those were the same watery, brown eyes that'd chased her down. That'd begged to be heard. That'd confessed to her to help her feel normal. Maybe… maybe it had all happened?

She almost couldn't hear the erratic beeping of the heart monitor this time.

"She's crashing again!"

The world faded quickly, but the last thing Himiko could see were the faces of the two heroes beside her. They looked more worried than her parents ever had…

How strange?