Warning for this chapter: child death

Jotaro drove down the dark, empty streets towards the bail bondsman's office. "Carmen," he murmured, "I have something to tell you." He braked at a stop sign, his heart pacing, and he froze in a moment of doubt. But it was better she found out from him. The bondsman might look him up. "When I lived in Japan, I was arrested several times. I have a criminal record." Jotaro listened to Carmen's breath hitch, not daring to look in her direction.

"What-" she sputtered after a long while, "What did you do?"

He recited the list, like he had to the judge, "I assaulted two of my teachers, and they left the profession. I punched a stranger on the subway in the face. I broke the window of a barber shop that refused to serve me. I urinated into several students' lockers. I ordered lunch at a restaurant and left without paying."

He could feel her gaze on his face, "That's- that's not like you."

Jotaro fumbled for the turn signal, then wrenched the steering wheel right. "There's a lot of discrimination against foreigners in Japan. I was angry."

She shifted in her seat, "But you turned things around?"

Jotaro looked out at the road in front of him, lit by a pawn shop's neon BUY-SELL-LOAN sign. "My mother became ill, and we weren't sure she would survive. I realized I'd been an absolute embarrassment to her."

Carmen let out a sympathetic sound.

"So I went in front of a judge and told him what I did. Got sentenced to two weeks plus restitution."

"That's lu- lucky. For three assaults, you could have got years."

"I know." A drunk in ragged clothes staggered into the street, and Jotaro slammed the brakes, "I was a juvenile. I think the judge could tell how sorry I was." It was true, though Jotaro had always had a nagging suspicion that Joseph had put his thumb on the scale somehow. Or perhaps his father had paid a bribe to avoid association with a major crime.

Carmen touched Jotaro's shoulder. "I think Carlos is like- like you were. He sees the way people live here, when we work so hard for so little." She ran her hands down her pant legs, "I always tell him you've got to work your way up, but he never listens." She squeezed her eyes shut, "I'm so worried. Camilo might get off, but Carlos has a record. He'll get real time."

Jotaro paid the bail bondsman, then they drove to Green Dolphin Street Prison. Just as the sky was turning a pale orange, Carlos and Camilo appeared. Camilo walked with a slump, meanwhile, Carlos' jaunt was defiant. Jotaro could see himself in both of them.

"You idiots!" Carmen yelled as soon as they were in earshot, then switched into Spanish. While her tone was as dramatic as any television program, she spoke without pauses, and after a few words, Jotaro couldn't understand anything. He motioned the three into the car, and drove to their apartment, Carmen alternately berating her brothers and falling into stony silence. When they arrived, Jotaro thought Carmen would follow Carlos and Camilo inside, but she stayed in the car, "I can't handle them right now."

After napping in Jotaro's guestroom, Carmen turned on the TV and flipped through the channels, deciding on a game show. Jotaro sat down next to her, and she climbed onto his lap. Parting her hair, he kissed the back of her neck, then, with a moment's hesitation, she guided his hands under her shirt. Perhaps that was a gesture, too. He fondled her breasts eagerly, taking in her scent, grinding the erection which was forming quickly against her bottom. God, he was becoming pathetic. But she smelled so good and her face was angelic and her tiny body looked so perfect in his arms. But she was tense, and his affection didn't soothe her.

"What's wrong?" Jotaro whispered.

Carmen squirmed and he moved his hands so they were at her waist, "I'm just so pissed off at my brothers." She looked at the TV, but her eyes were vacant, barely seeing the contestant jumping up and down in front of the car he'd just won "We- we had another brother, Carmelo. And a sister, Caridad. They were younger." She shook in Jotaro's arms, "Our family had a boat, but it wasn't very good, it was just for fun. When things went bad, we had to take it. We loaded too much stuff, and …" Carmen stared down at her hands, "I was in the wat- wat-" her head jerked to the side, "Water maybe two hours before the Coast Guard found me. But they never found Carmelo or Caridad."

Jotaro pressed his cheek to hers, wrapping his arms around her more tightly, "I'm sorry."

She was nearly crying, "Afterwards, my brothers and I agreed to stick together. Then they pull this shit."

Jotaro rocked her back and forth for a long while, stroking her shoulders.

Carmen sniffed, "Have you ever just lost someone like that?"

"A friend. My best friend. Just last year."

She stiffened, then looked back at him. He could tell she was surprised by his answer, "How?"

Fuck, he should have thought it out before he opened his mouth. How would a normal teenager die? All he could think of was a book he'd read in school about a heroic young girl. "In a fire. He went back to rescue his family."

Her brow wrinkled, "Did they get out?"

"Yeah, it was just him."

Carmen grimaced, "That's horrible."

Jotaro shrugged, "Kakyoin was like that." It was the first time he'd said his name out loud since he'd died.

Carmen rubbed his arms, and they sat silent for a long while. "I was the oldest sister," she whispered eventually, "I miss taking care of those little kids." She turned her head, trying to meet Jotaro's eyes. "You know, I- I want to have a lot of kids one day."

He thought about growing up in that big, empty house, alone with Holly. "Me too."

Carmen moved her head back, so her face was closer to his. "I want you to come to Mass with me. I don't want to be with a man who doesn't go to church."

Jotaro hesitated. He'd never understood why Carmen thought some heavenly being was looking out for her, especially after what she'd just told him. "I don't really believe that stuff."

Her nose wrinkled, "How- how would you know, when you've never learned anything about it?"

Jotaro felt a twisting in his gut that he couldn't quite place. He'd rather not examine the supernatural.

"You don't have to pray or take sacraments if you're not- not comfortable. But can you at least try to understand what I believe?"

Jotaro searched for words.

"Plus my whole family goes. You can meet them."

He couldn't decline that opportunity. "Sure, I'll try it."

Carmen introduced her family in turn. Her father Castilo, who was tall and stocky with shocking blue eyes. Her mother, Blanca, who was stout and severe in her buttoned-up frock. Beautiful little Catalina, who curtseyed adorably, pulling her frilly dress out of the way. Abuela, who had Carmen's small frame and white hair that still held a hint of gold. Jotaro shook each of their hands in turn, fighting the muscles in his back that wanted to bow.

Jotaro already knew her Uncle Oscar and Aunt Gloria. He'd started buying cigarettes at their store. He greeted them both, asking Oscar about a shoplifter he'd been stalking.

"No luck yet," he said.

They chatted for a while, then Carmen led Jotaro to a pew. She went to light a candle by a statue of a saint.

Camilo took the seat next to him, "I just want to say thanks. You really did me and Carlos a solid." He cleared his throat, "Sorry we were so rude when we first met you."

"Don't worry about it," Jotaro flapped his hand, "Do you have a court date yet?"

Camilo shook his head, "They said I can do a diversion program. If I get good grades, do community service, that sort of thing, they'll drop the charges."

Jotaro flashed a smile, "That's great news."

Camilo shrugged, looking up at Carlos, who was in the distance, talking to another young man, "Carlos is being cagey. He won't deal."

"What are they offering?"

"Two years." Camilo gritted his teeth, "But it's better than ten."

Jotaro let out a long breath, "He shouldn't waste a chance like that." He met Camilo's gaze, "You too. You can't let people like Carlos influence you."

Camilo looked away, absently adjusting the buttons on his shirt.

"I'm serious," Jotaro said, "It's not worth it. You'll break your sister's heart." He rifled through this pocket. "Did Carmen tell you about my past?"

Camilo nodded.

Jotaro pulled out a slip of paper and a pen and wrote down his phone number, "If you find yourself falling into it again, I want you to call me."

Camilo lifted his hand, then hesitated.

"Or if you just want to study," Jotaro dropped the paper into his palm, "Any time. Day or night."

Camilo nodded, then looked up at Carlos, twisting his hands. "That's Ricardo he's talking to," Camilo whispered to Jotaro, "You should look out for him."

Jotaro examined the man with his lip curled. He was average height, average build, not especially dark or light, nothing special about him except his mop-like hair. Why would Carmen like him? "Is she-"

"She's honest, if that's what you're asking," Camilo interrupted, "But he's still calling, begging to talk to her, he's still coming by our apartment. I'm just saying, look out."

The service started with a song, then some prayers, but soon the priest moved to a bible reading. The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant. Jotaro wondered how much Carmen would expect him to remember. It didn't help that there was a toddler running up and down the aisles. She babbled gleefully, swinging her skirt from left to right, every so often stopping next to a pew. No one else turned to look at her, so Jotaro kept his eyes focused on the priest, not wanting to be rude. Then she sidled up to him and started screeching. The noise rang in his ears, drowning out the priest. How could no one else be reacting to this?

Jotaro's stomach churned as he gave the child a sidelong glance, finding a pearly-white face. It was a stand, teetering feet away, pulling its hair and screaming towards the heavens.