"Shall we kill them then?" said Kisame nonchalantly. Itachi didn't give an immediate answer. Instead, he glanced towards Mitsuki, as if waiting for her to come to a decision.
"Wouldn't.. Killing them make it more suspicious? After all why would the genins who were assigned to track Akatsuki suddenly showed up dead.." Mitsuki said. Half of her words were the truth. However, Itachi knew the other half stems from her reluctant heart.
"Then, we just need to make sure it doesn't look like it was due to our intervention, doesn't it? After all, we are deep in the forest, and anything could happen to a genin in mission," Kisame added with a slight frown. Even to him, the hesitation in Mitsuki's eyes was clear. Truthfully, it surprised him. The girl he knew was one who could take out an enemy mercilessly in quick judgement, fast and efficient. This time round, she did put the kids down and knock them out, but…
Itachi didn't say a word. Of course, Kisame's word was true. However, he too understood the struggle in Mitsuki's newly discovered emotion so much it pained him. Yet, Mitsuki herself couldn't find another way. Kisame's word truly hit her hard.
"Do.. do we have to kill them? They are still so young, they should have a bright future ahead of them.. After all, they were all such bright kids…" Mitsuki's thought spilled out from her mouth.
"Oi oi, Oujou-chan.. Aren't you getting a little too attached to them? You've just met them today, haven't you?" said Kisame with a frown of concern. As silence enveloped both of his teammates, Itachi sighed as he selected his words carefully before speaking.
"The moment they decided to follow the path of Shinobi, they were aware of what that would entail," Itachi said calmly. Of course, that was not always the case. A lot of kids decided to become shinobi following their parent's footstep, without giving it much thought, but the fact remains that once they had chosen the path, darkness lied in front of them..
A world were even young kids could lose their life as easily as dandelion seed could get blown in the wind. Just by one wrong meeting, just by being in wrong place at the wrong time... Mitsuki didn't like it. No one, no kid deserved such a live, she thought. Only then she realized what a heavy burden young Itachi must have taken unto himself, fighting against the darkness of the shinobi world by his own, with full awareness of what had transpired. He embraced the pain, in hope that one day he could pave a brighter future, eliminating the shinobi system as a whole. He had such a caring heart, yet he himself had chosen to face the darkness head on, as he took part inside the cruelty of shinobi world.
"If you can't do it, I'll do it," said Itachi calmly without expressing any emotion as he saw how the struggle in Mitsuki's eye persisted, his hand reaching forward towards the kids. At that moment, Mitsuki quickly grabbed Itachi's wrist, stopping him from taking further actions.
"Oi, Oujou-chan, you.." said Kisame in protest of Mitsuki's seemingly emotional behaviour.
"I'll do it," said Mitsuki, interrupting Kisame's word, surprising Itachi.
"My power is best suited for this, and besides.."
Mitsuki tried her best not to let a single tear out of her eyes.
"This was my fault.. I'll take responsibility," said Mitsuki with slight quiver in her voice. The determination in Mitsuki's voice was clear to both Itachi and Kisame. As Kisame relaxed his stance, Itachi pulled his hand back gently, prompting Mitsuki to let go of his hand.
As Itachi and Kisame took a step back, Mitsuki moved forward gently, approaching the kids who were still unconscious due to her needle. Seeing their peaceful, sleeping face, Mitsuki caressed their faces gently.
"Yuko, Kon, Momo…" Mitsuki whispered. Her memory of the encounter with them was still fresh in her mind. She remembered them vividly, the three kids full of spirit who messed up the library, chasing a cat. She remembered their effort in restoring it afterwards, their shared dinner, their conversation. Even so, no matter how painful it was for her, Mitsuki was determined not to let a single tears fall.
"I'm sorry.." said Mitsuki, as she took in the life forces in their body one by one with her gentle caress, and gently lifted up their soul in her hands. Seemingly bringing them into a hug, Mitsuki brought her hands closer to her chest.
"When we meet again in your next life.. I'll apologize to you properly once more.." Mitsuki whispered softly as she held the souls close into an embrace. Following her words, she lifted her hands, releasing the soul unto the sky before putting her hands together in prayer, sending them off while Itachi and Kisame watched her movement quietly, akin to witnessing a ritual, even as they couldn't see the kids' souls light.
Nevertheless, what she needed to do didn't end there. Releasing her divinity slightly, she called unto the forest with her thoughts. Not long after, the animals of the forest gathered, surprising Kisame and Itachi who were unaware of Mitsuki's new gift.
"It's fine. I called them," said Mitsuki with deadpan look in her eyes.
"Itachi-kun, Kisame, can you two help me set this up as if they've accidentally get dragged into wolves hunt?" said Mitsuki as she saw a pack of wolves among the animals that answered her call. Gently, she beckoned for the wolves to come over.
"Kon, that boy over there.. Is the one with most stamina," Mitsuki said to Itachi, for him to take the kid's personality into consideration during their set up.
"This girl, Yuko, is the tracker. She tracks with sounds and presence she said. Seemed like crowd overwhelms her," Mitsuki pointed to Yuko's lifeless body.
"This boy, Momo," mentioning the boy's name made Mitsuki's words stuck in her throat. Only earlier that day she was trying to cheer her up regarding his name, telling him the story of Momotaro. "He doesn't have much stamina, but he's the observant as well as the smartest one among them.."
Nodding, Itachi took the body of the kids along with Kisame, bringing them into the forest. Mitsuki quietly followed behind them along with the wolves as she dispersed the rest of the gathered animals back into the forest.
It took a while for the three of them to finish setting up the hunting scene. With her power, Mitsuki kept the body warm, preventing the body from getting rigid too fast.
"I wonder if it will be enough. After all we can't completely replicate their movement quirks during a chase," said Mitsuki, still with a deadpan look in her eyes.
"You're overthinking it, Oujou-chan. It looks convincing enough already," said Kisame with a wry smile. Ignoring Kisame's word, Mitsuki kneeled down and hugged the Alpha of the pack.
"I'm sorry.. I even have to draw the blood of your packs.. and it's very likely that they would hunt your pack from now on because of what we've done..." said Mitsuki with apparent guilt in her voice. Hearing Mitsuki's apology, the wolf gave Mitsuki a comforting lick. In response, she brought her face closer to the wolf's forehead, touching it with her own with affection.
"Do feed on them along with your pack. That way, at least, the loss of their lives will amount to something," said Mitsuki calmly, surprising Itachi and Kisame. The decision might seem to be cruel, but remembering her conversation with the now-dead kids regarding appreciating life, Mitsuki felt that it would be better to proceed that way. As Mitsuki turned her back towards the wolves, letting them move on with their feast, Kisame whistled, as if playfully commending Mitsuki's cold heartedness.
"Well then, I'll go back to my station. I'll be careful not to get spotted," said Kisame as he turned his back as well. "Update me if there's anything."
To Kisame's word, Itachi nodded without taking his eyes off Mitsuki's back.
"I'll let you know," said Itachi calmly.
"How about you? What will you do?" Kisame asked Itachi, confirming. He could feel that Itachi wanted to go after Mitsuki, despite his hesitation.
Itachi didn't answer Kisame's enquiry. Noticing his stillness, Kisame wondered if Itachi was hesitating because of his presence. Deciding to give the two some space, Kisame sighed as he continued his steps.
"Well, I'll go first then," said Kisame as he jumped away.
Noticing Kisame's presence moving further and further away, Itachi gave Mitsuki a chase in a slow, yet steady pace.
"Wait," said Itachi as he grabbed Mitsuki's wrist upon catching up, stopping her on her track. Itachi was not sure what else he could say to her, just that he felt like he shouldn't let her be alone at least for that night.
"Ara, Itachi-kun," Mitsuki said with a mischievous tone as she turned her head back to face Itachi's. "What's wrong, do you miss me already?" she asked jokingly with a complicated smile on her face. Despite the smile, lights still haven't returned to her eyes. It was as if she wasn't looking at him at all, despite her line of sight placed directly at him. Realising how familiar it looked, Itachi was at a loss for word. An uncomfortable feeling rose in him. It was as if he was looking at himself on that fateful night, killing his emotion as he went about his cruel mission.
"Let's find a high place," without realising, words blurted out of Itachi's mouth, concern filled his face as he suggested what he knew would bring Mitsuki some comfort. Hearing Itachi's surprising invitation, Mitsuki let out a bitter chuckle. Without giving her chance to speak any word of retort, Itachi moved forward, leading her without letting go of her wrist, as if worrying that the girl would escape any moment he let her tiny hands go.
After finding a good place to sit, Itachi and Mitsuki sat down on the rocky area atop of the cliff, Mitsuki's wrist still within Itachi's grip, even as they took a seat. Sighing, Mitsuki chuckled.
"Itachi-kun, can you let go of my hand already? I won't run, I promise.."
"Ah.. sorry," said Itachi as he retracted his hand, letting go of Mitsuki's tiny wrist. In exchange, Itachi kept his eye on Mitsuki's unreadable expression, concern was clearly reflected in his eyes.
"Then?" Mitsuki asked, "Why did you take me here?"
Not sure how to respond, Itachi responded with a lie.
"We haven't finished talking about the route change."
Hearing Itachi's blatant lie and obvious excuse, Mitsuki couldn't help but laughed.
"Hahahaha, Itachi-kun, you liar. If it's about that, Kisame would be joining us here also, wouldn't he?"
After her laughter stopped abruptly, Mitsuki let out a deep sigh. "I'm fine, don't worry about me," said Mitsuki with a smile. The lack of spirit in her eye betrayed her lies, causing Itachi to frown once more, unconvinced.
"You should have let me do it," Itachi said with guilt, regretting not taking over previously.
"Do you think I will feel better that way?" Mitsuki retorted with a frown. She knew how Itachi was, and letting him carry her pain was not something she would have wanted.
"….."
Itachi couldn't bring himself to answer her. He hoped that in such case where he took on the responsibility of the kids' death, she could've blamed him instead. But knowing Mitsuki..
"It's my fault. I've dragged them into this," said Mitsuki calmly, unwavering. Her calmness pierced Itachi's heart knowing how she must have really blamed herself for that night. Lately, he couldn't help but think that the girl had only pretended to be strong as she swallowed everything back within her, torturing her from the inside.
"Even if you didn't meet them, if we ever have to encounter them in the same situation, the result wouldn't change," said Itachi, while secretly adding in his mind, "..and you wouldn't have to lie to them and went through such pain.. if not for the task I gave you.."
Itachi couldn't help but feel immense guilt upon Mitsuki's pain. After all, she got close to the genin kids for the sake of the mission he gave her. Moreover, if he was being decisive and intercepted faster, at least she wouldn't need to come upon such decision herself.
"I was the one who decided on the meeting place.. We should have just found a crowded place to meet up," she muttered softly.
"You didn't know that the girl had such an ability, nor that she would be assigned with such mission" Itachi retorted.
"Then, I should've got to know them better," Mitsuki frowned.
"Don't be so hard on yourself. You've only met them today, and shinobi don't usually divulge their specialty like that," said Itachi with reprimanding tone. If anything, he'd like her to blame him instead. After all, he had failed to see it coming. By deciding to leave the matter to her, and depending more on her, she would have been forced to deal with the consequences of her choice.
Besides, he should have known that Mitsuki shouldn't belong in the world of shinobi, especially not after she had recovered her memory of her identity and her duty.
"She had far too kind of a heart for this," thought Itachi, ironically. Indeed it would be easier for her if she had remained the coldly logical girl in the past. Just then, another pang of regret hit him. After all, it was him who had initially unlocked such emotion in her heart. He knew what they were about to come across in their path, yet he had allowed her to remain with them, and even guided her to a more painful path of awareness, all because of his conscience, because of what he thought would be best for her..
"! It's not your fault, OK?" as if reading his mind, Mitsuki shouted, stopping Itachi's thought in its track, surprising him.
"How?" he blurted in confusion as he saw Mitsuki's attention and concerned gaze had fully turned towards him, once more.
"I saw the spark in your soul, OK.. Don't you dare blame yourself for my own inadequacy.." Indeed, ever since Itachi had suddenly fell quiet, Mitsuki had started to peek into his soul in worry. As soon as she saw the self-hate in his heart, she knew immediately what was going on in his mind.
"It's not your fault, Itachi-kun," sincerity was reflected in Mitsuki's eye as she met Itachi's eye properly for the first time after what had happened. Seeing the swirling emotion in her face, Itachi felt a mix of complicated feelings. In one side, he was glad that she had broken out of her shell once more, but on the other hand, he still couldn't help but feel responsible. But, what can he do? Itachi pondered inwardly.
Seeing how Itachi's expression darkened, Mitsuki felt guilt creeping up in her heart. "Sorry, I've made you worry.." she said apologetically. "I don't want to burden you, yet here I am, again.. making you waste your precious time on me," Mitsuki smiled wryly as she shifted her eyes away from Itachi once more.
"It's not a waste.." thought Itachi in a hurry, but, he couldn't bring himself to speak the words out, giving it form.
Still in the silence, Mitsuki muttered softly. "How.. can I get stronger, so that you don't ever have to worry about me? So that.. my clans-mate wouldn't need to sacrifice themselves for me? So that I won't let more people down once more?" said Mitsuki, lowering her head as she spoke softly, as if holding back her tears with every ounce of strength in her body.
Itachi didn't have the answer to her question. He had also asked himself the same, countless times before.
"You can cry," Itachi blurted suddenly after a minute of silence, to Mitsuki's surprise.
"You've saw my shameful display on that night," Itachi chuckled slightly, remembering the night of his nightmare. "So, you don't need to hold your tears back in front of me now," he added. After all, they've shared far more than tears to each other, he thought, as he reminisced about their shared secret, shared burden of the truth.
Hearing Itachi's suggestion, Mitsuki laughed bitterly. "Hah, don't you think I've cried far too much already?" said Mitsuki with a wry smile on her face, her eyes evading Itachi's in shame.
To be honest, Itachi on the other hand, couldn't even recall the last time she had actually cried in front of him without reserve. "When was it again?" he thought. Her cry as he passed out didn't count, after all, it was being shed for his dying self, it was his fault. As for the tears of relieve that she shed when she noticed his recovery, he was not sure, if that was tear of relieve, or tears of happiness, which again, was shed for him. The only thing he was sure that she had openly be vulnerable in front of him was..
"Ah, that time.." he recalled, the moment that she gained Pain's approval in joining their party, the genuine tears of happiness that she had shed. It had been a very long time, and it wasn't even tears of hardship. Even so, it was for sure, a sincere display of her emotions, of what she, herself. Remembering the fact, Itachi let out a scoff, confusing Mitsuki in the process.
"Do you realise when is the last time I actually saw you cry without reserve?" asked Itachi with a light smile, as if teasing Mitsuki. Not answering, Mitsuki tilted her head in confusion instead, while finally looking directly at Itachi's face once more. In her head, she was sure that she had been crying a lot, far more than her liking, to her shame.
Seeing how Mitsuki couldn't answer, in response to her silence, Itachi answered his own question in her place.
"It was that time when you said you're glad that you could still continue your journey with me and Kisame, the first time you met our leader," Itachi answered with an awkward smile as he met Mitsuki's questioning gaze. To his answer, Mitsuki stared at him in disbelieve. It had been so long since, she had completely forgotten about it.
"After that moment, even as you told me about your memories, no matter how painful, you didn't even shed a tear. Instead, you chuckled, as if mocking yourself for it," Itachi added. "Everything that I've seen you shed after that, was for someone else's sake, not yours.." Itachi smiled wryly as he glanced at Mitsuki's baffled expression. "Don't you think you've held on for too long already?"
"Thinking about it," thought Itachi, "Ever since the start, she had always been like that.."
"Putting up a front, acting tough, not letting others see her weakness, afraid of becoming a burden.." he recalled with a mix of emotion. Yet, when he saw the confusion and the chaos in her emotion within her eyes, all he felt towards her was his own respect and endearment towards the unrelenting girl.
Mitsuki however, wanted to tell Itachi how she had again and again failed to hold back her tears, only that she had never let him or Kisame saw it. Truthfully, her tears had never been for someone else's sake alone. She was not that selfless, not 'Mitsuki', she thought. She cried for Itachi, but it was because of her fear of losing him, of making him suffer. It was the also the tear of her guilt, and hate over her powerlessness. Nevertheless, she knew that saying so won't put Itachi at ease. So instead, Mitsuki stared at him with guilt in her eyes.
Seeing the hesitation in Mitsuki's eyes, Itachi wondered what else he could do to convince and comfort her pained heart. After all, he had never been someone who was proficient in such matter of the heart. Lost, Itachi thought back on what she had done so far to comfort the people around her. "Singing?" he thought, as he was reminded of the song that lulled him to sleep a few times till then. However, the thought of himself singing aloud to her brought him an incomprehensible level of embarrassment. It wasn't as if he was a good singer as well, it was more like he hadn't even bothered trying. The thought of trying to sing, or failing it spectacularly to comfort Mitsuki was so embarrassing he was so sure that the moment he'd try it, his face would be red from shame.
"Hug?" Itachi thought remembering how Mitsuki had comforted Aida, Reishi, and Kina before, with a warm-hearted hug of her own. "Should I.. hug her?" he thought to himself. As his mind ran off the thought, he couldn't stop his eyes from travelling down from her confused, innocent face, before falling unto Mitsuki's ample figure.
Suddenly, the memory of their recent close contact jolted in his mind, reminding him of the unfamiliar sensation that had brought his blood into a boil, turning his face red. Itachi quickly stopped proceeding with his idea and refrained himself from actually hugging her, as he felt like if he were to hug her then, it would be tainted by his impure motives.
"I'm the worst…" he thought to himself as he covered the embarrassment in his face with his own palm, scolding himself over where his mind went, out of his control. Suddenly, he heard a soft laugh emitted from his side.
Mitsuki was laughing at him, light came back in her eyes. Mesmerized by the sudden change, Itachi threw her a questioning glance in silence.
"Itachi-kun, what were you thinking about? You should have seen how your expression changed so quickly," said Mitsuki in between her laughter, surprising Itachi. Even as Mitsuki's word brought embarrassment to him, seeing how he had failed to control his expression due to both his concern and his recent habit of letting his guard down around her, he was surprised to find himself more relieved than upset the moment he saw genuine laughter was back in Mitsuki's expression.
Nevertheless, not a moment after, Mitsuki's laughter suddenly halted, before it turned into a soft sob. As her expression changed slowly, her sob then escalated into a bawl, startling Itachi in the process. Realising her current state, quickly, Mitsuki turned her back against Itachi, while hiding her crying face. It was as if her suppressed emotions exploded all at once the moment she let her guard down.
"Ugh, what am I doing, so embarrassing.." Mitsuki muttered. Behind her, Itachi let out a complicated smile.
"Don't look at me, Itachi-kun.. I'm so ugly when I'm like this." To Mitsuki's words, Itachi responded in a quiet smile. As her sobs' echo filled the night, Itachi waited for her patiently until she was feeling more comfortable to continue her words.
"I couldn't protect them…" Mitsuki muttered, bringing back Itachi's focus towards her words.
"I couldn't protect a single person. My clan, my retainer… The people of the village.. and now, those kids…" she continued, her sob growing faster and louder as frustration filled her heart.
"Those kids.. what about their parents..? They were so young.. having to bury their child so young.. must be devastating for them.." frustration and regret was clear in her voice.
"If only I were smarter.. maybe I could find another way? Or.." Mitsuki's words slowly turned inaudible amidst her regret. "In the end, I'm still such a failure…"
Itachi didn't say a word. He knew his words wouldn't help, not when she had blamed herself so deeply then. He knew it more than anyone, after all, that feeling of self-hatred, the disappointment against one's self. Deciding to wait and let her spill her thoughts out, silently, he inched closer towards her as he turned his back against her, giving her both space to cry as well as subtly notifying her of his presence in her near proximity, like what Mitsuki had done for him before during his temporary blindness.
"Not only that, I.. was such a monster.. To those villager, I.. was willing to let them and their family die without hesitation.. The women, the kid.." Mitsuki recalled in disgust." No wonder they were so terrified, and disappointed… After all, they believed me to be their savior.." said Mitsuki as she recalled her past action within her memories, the action that had bothered her ever since she understood the weight of the lives that she were about to give up on so quickly, and how it must have hurt those who put their trust in her. Hearing her statement, and feeling the sob transmitted through his back as she leaned against him, Itachi thought about Mitsuki's circumstances. If she really had lived for as long as she claimed even prior to that event, it was likely that she had become desensitized to death. After all, more than anyone, she must have witnessed the people she knew and love passed, over and over, as she herself remained stuck in time. Considering those, Itachi silently picked his next words. He wanted to say something that could lift her up, no matter how insignificant it was. If consoling her or reprimanding her won't work, then..
"Then, aren't you becoming more and more human now?" said Itachi, to Mitsuki's surprise. "After all, you're in such a deep pain now over some human's passing," said Itachi, not sure if what he proposed was even a thing worth celebrating. Truthfully, he knew that humanity could be even a lot worse than Mitsuki herself had ever been, but.. For "Mitsuki" who had always considered herself a monster, maybe "becoming human" would be the word that could give her some sort of comfort.
Unexpectedly, in between her sobs, Mitsuki chuckled slightly.
"What are you saying, Itachi-kun? As a God, is becoming more human a good thing?" said Mitsuki jokingly. Hearing her words, Itachi smiled as he hoped that he had indeed picked the right thing to say. Then, not letting the silence go on for too long, he continued,
"That's up for you to decide, isn't it?" he replied calmly. As long as that was what she wanted, nothing else should have mattered, thought Itachi. Whether it was a good thing or not, it was really up to her to decide on her own, thought Itachi silently, as he looked up upon the cloudy night sky.
Author's note:
:') *pats Mitsuki