EPOV
"I always thought I didn't care about the success and fame... Even that movie I just got by chance..." I said, "So I thought if I didn't care about something, how could they change me? But it did."
"They said this is how things work... They gave me examples... They setup meetings with other people... They tried to convince me... I shouldn't have got convinced..." I said.
"Believe me, I really tried to say no to them... I just didn't try harder," I said, "When I look back today, yes, I could have handled it so differently... I could have handled differently even back then... They said one wrong move can end the career... And... Because I had tasted the success, I was afraid of losing it. I thought losing my dignity and soul was the price I had to pay for that success..."
"When I was told about kissing her, I knew it was wrong... When I told them it wasn't a good idea and they kept telling me this was it worked, I knew it was wrong... When I kissed her, I knew it was wrong..."
I was glad I was driving right now...
I wasn't brave enough to look into her eyes and tell her this...
I knew this was hurting her... But I was too coward to look at her.
"When I told you about it, I knew I was wrong... When I fought with you and tried to tell you that I didn't do anything wrong, I knew I was wrong... I knew how unfair it was to you..."
"I'm sorry... for everything." Suddenly I felt like my voice was breaking...
I should have apologized to her right on that day...
I shouldn't have dragged this for five fucking years...
"I know you've questions about why it took me five years to do this... I know you have questions about what I was doing in the past five years..." I said, "I will try to explain, but to summarize, I was just wasting my life."