Dear readers, sometimes I write the preface part not at the end of the chapter work, but at the beginning. Well, I have just started the chapter you will read below, and after reading the feedback and your thoughts, I would like to clarify.
Rhett told about their deal when they had a written agreement! Yes, he was drunk, but that doesn't negate the consequences.
For Scarlett to go along with that deal was a humiliation in itself. She was already a winner, but she didn't know that his heart was already hers. She knew she had to sleep with a man. For money. Without feelings, to let a man (even our Rhett) near her body... I'm sorry, but it's complicated. Yes, it was her choice, but in those circumstances it was from despair.
Well, and Belle, the woman who can spread gossip like fire through dry grass, found out of that, not to mention being the ex-mistress of Scarlett's favourite man.
It's humiliating, humiliating to the point of tears. It feels like a betrayal, even if it was unintentional.
So Captain Butler has to make things right, and faster.
Well, enjoy reading!:)
P.S. And, I want to thank you as usual for your reviews! They meant a lot to me!:)
I own nothing in regard to GWTW.
Chapter 22.
Scarlett frantically packed a few things into her bag, ignoring the voice of reason that tried to shout at her through her emotions and despair.
When she accidentally dropped another shawl on the floor, she stopped, sighed tiredly and sat down on the edge of the bed, covering her face with her trembling hands.
She tried to take a deep breath, but as soon as she did, a sob rose to her throat and her eyes grew moist as she tried again to talk herself out of crying.
One more time she tried to breathe and then she pulled her hands away from her face and looked out the window in front of her. The sunny day that had been so warm and happy for her an hour ago had turned into a featureless day filled only with her resentment and disappointment. Disappointment in the man who meant so much to her.
With an effort of will, Scarlett pushed his image into the back of her mind and tried to come up with a plan of action.
She looked at the clock and saw that it was almost three p.m. The train usually arrived at half past four, sometimes it could be twenty minutes late, which was good for her.
They'd get to Tara, and then...
"He'll be there tomorrow, for God's sake... And there's no avoiding the conversation..."
At the thought of having to meet him so soon, to look him in the eye, her heart snapped with pain again, "Why, why did he tell her everything? Why?"
She didn't know if she wanted to know the answer to that question, but she knew exactly what she wanted. She needed time.
"What about work? What about Aunt Pitty's birthday party? What about engagement? What about him?" she thought again. But stubbornly telling herself that she had to get home to Tara, Scarlett finally put some of her things down, took her travel bag and carried it down the hall.
Trying not to look at her pale face in the mirror, she quickly went up to the nursery to see if her son's things were ready.
But when she entered the room, she saw that the things weren't even packed, and Wade was sitting on India's lap, looking sad.
"What's wrong?" asked Scarlett cautiously, shifting her gaze from her son to India and the empty bag.
"Scarlett, I think Wade is sick," India began, and Scarlett folded her hands nervously in front of her.
Children's illnesses always frightened her, especially after Wade's severe pneumonia last autumn. Even though she'd always known she was rarely sick, she was afraid for her son. She didn't know where that clammy feeling of fear was coming from, and if she knew it was her maternal instinct, she wouldn't believe it. She knew that motherhood was harder for her than for others. Comparing herself to Melanie, Scarlett realized that she would never be that kind of mother. But she tried, and her main goal was to make sure her son was in good physical condition. Wade had to be healthy, fed and not scared. Those were the pillars of her motherhood.
Scarlett frowned slightly, then walked over to Wade, touched his forehead and looked at him questioningly, "Wade, you don't seem to have a temperature, what's hurting you?"
"My head."
Scarlett, realizing that her plan to leave crumbled like a sandcastle, quietly asked her son, "Does it hurt a lot?"
He just nodded and India said, "The fever could still come on, Scarlett. Wade should rest," she said, looking at the empty bag.
Scarlett just nodded and replied, "Then I'll look after him myself, India. Thank you..."
She had to think on her own, change her plan to leave somehow, even if only early in the morning, and not talk to Rhett.
"As long as Wade doesn't get sick," she thought, sitting down at the head of the bed and putting her son down next to her.
She sat there, gently stroking his hair, trying to do it the way Melanie or her mother did, looking at him anxiously from time to time. Wade dozed off beside her, Scarlett glanced at the clock, it was almost four. "The train has definitely left," she thought with a sad sigh.
India, on the other hand, was pacing nervously in the parlour. She had sent Tom a note telling him that Scarlett had spoken to Miss Watling and that it had apparently been a bad talk, because she had wanted to leave the town immediately. India also wrote to Tom that perhaps Captain Butler should know because they were working together...
She sighed and looked out of the window. Of course, she was no fool and could see Rhett's behaviour towards Scarlett. And Tom had indirectly confirmed her suspicions, albeit reluctantly, by saying, "They're not my secrets, Dear..."
But now Scarlett would not leave, at least not until tomorrow, because Wade was ill and India was nervous that she had interfered, that it was an act unworthy of a lady.
Even Tom liked to say, "I don't like to interfere in other people's lives..." and now she was worried not only about all the fuss at home, but also about the impression she might have made of Tom.
She heard the sound of a carriage and looked at her watch, it was four o'clock. A few minutes later Aunt Pitty came in, fanned herself, complained loudly, "This heat makes me so sick," and went up to her bedroom, not noticing India in the parlour.
"I wonder if the cook managed to get to the sawmill at all? Did she find a carriage? Usually servants know each other and someone might have given her a drive on the way... Did Tom get the note? What will he do?"
But the answer to all her questions came fifteen minutes later in the form of a strong and insistent knock on the door.
Scarlett didn't realize she'd dozed off with Wade. She heard Aunt Pitty return, then glanced at the wall in the nursery opposite the bed, at the soft sunlight that reminded her of when she and Rhett... "No, I'm not going to think about it or remember it now," she stopped herself abruptly, remembering the insolent look in the red-haired woman's eyes. Closing her eyes in annoyance to stop the tears, she didn't notice how she fell asleep.
She was awakened by a knock on the nursery door, Scarlett stirred, opening her eyes abruptly to see India coming in, looking nervously into her eyes.
"India?" Scarlett called out to her in a questioning whisper, glancing over at Wade who was sleeping.
Touching his forehead again, she felt no fever and felt a little calmer.
She quietly got up and walked over to India who was standing hesitantly by the door and asked, "What's wrong?"
"Scarlett, come into the parlour, please."
"Why?"
"Captain Butler wants to talk to you," she said, looking away.
Scarlett felt goosebumps on her back and arms, her palms were sweating profusely and her heart was beating so hard that she put her right hand on her chest, machine-like.
"I'm not going," she blurted out, but India interrupted, "You'd better go, Scarlett, I doubt he'll leave without talking to you. He looks formidable..."
Hearing the last sentence, Scarlett suddenly became angry and exclaimed loudly, "Formidable! Formidable?!"
"Calm down Scarlett, Wade will wake up..." whispered India.
Scarlett gave her a determined look and replied, "Stay here for a few minutes, I'll be right back," and without waiting for an answer, she quickly walked out and downstairs. As she approached the parlour door, Scarlett took a deep breath and then quickly entered the room.
He looked at her sternly, seeming to be in a great hurry to get here, his hair slightly dishevelled from the speed of his ride. For a moment she caught herself thinking that her hand was almost twitching on its own, she wanted so badly to fix the strand of hair that fell across his forehead. Her heart was spinning again and only one thought was pounding in rhythm with it, "I love him." That made it hurt even more.
They were standing in the parlour, where they had confessed their love to each other, where he had kissed her in a way she feared to remember.
Gathering her will, Scarlett took a step away from him, folded her arms across her chest and looked at him with determination.
"Is there something you want to tell me, Scarlett?" he asked in a hoarse voice.
"No."
"Where are you going with Wade? You didn't have any plans this morning except for your aunt's birthday. What happened?"
"Nothing."
He took a step towards her and said louder, "What the hell happened in the last couple of hours?"
"Don't you dare raise your voice to me and talk like that, I'm not your whore! Go and talk to her, because you love to do that so much!" she spat the words in his face and saw him turn pale.
"Scarlett," he said quietly, "explain to me what this is all about, I have a right to know."
Rhett suddenly wiped his forehead and sank wearily onto the sofa. He understood absolutely nothing. What had happened between him and Scarlett in those few hours and what Belle had to do with it. What could she have said to her, since they hadn't slept together for so long...
Scarlett stared at him and then suddenly, remembering the woman's hurtful, humiliating words, she felt angry and resentful again and said quietly, "She knows everything, Rhett."
Rhett looked at her in confusion and asked, "Knows what, Scarlett?"
"That you bought me! You bought me like a whore! She knows about the deal!" she exclaimed bitterly, then suddenly covered her face with her palms and turned away, and he saw her shoulders tremble from sobs.
Rhett stood up quickly and was beside her in a few steps. She felt his palms on her shoulders, then she cried harder, remembering the humiliating conversation again, and then, remembering that he was the one who had told her everything, she quickly pulled away from his embrace and took a step away from him, murmuring through her tears, "Don't touch me! Don't touch me!"
He didn't understand anything, it felt like a nightmare, but he knew he would find out. Now he realized that he might lose her forever, for she was about to leave without a word to him. At the thought that she would refuse to marry him and that his dream would be shattered, he grew cold and walked resolutely towards her, putting his arm around her shoulders and whispering, "I'm not going to let you go again, Scarlett, do you hear me?"
"How can I stay here? In the city?" she continued whispering, sobbing, "Maybe I'll come to work tomorrow and some Joe Miller will ask me how much I cost for the night?"
Rhett turned her abruptly and she saw through her tears how fiercely he looked at her, then felt a firm grip on her shoulders and heard his broken voice, "Shut up, Scarlett! Shut up! Don't you dare talk about yourself like that, I won't let you! You're not a whore, I've never thought or treated you like one! You're my beloved woman! My future wife, do you hear me?"
"How can you say that to me when you bought me in the first place, Rhett?"
"Why, I'd have married you at once if I'd known, that I meant anything to you! After all, you deceived me yourself, Scarlett!"
"And you chose to humiliate me like that, didn't you, Rhett? You knew I need the money not for myself, but..."
"I didn't want to humiliate you," he cut her off abruptly, suddenly pulling her to him and pressing her against his chest, continuing more gently, "I wanted to save you, Scarlett. And even though I looked like a scoundrel, I wanted to protect you from other scoundrels..."
She was silent, breathing in his scent as he pulled her close and continued quietly, "I'll make it up to you, Scarlett. I'll sort this out, but you're not going anywhere. You're not going anywhere. I can't lose you again, not you, not my son."
Something inside her trembled at his desperate words and she cried softly again, realizing that she didn't want to go anywhere from him.
She felt him stroke her hair, she felt his heart beat fast, she heard him whisper to her, "I love you..."
He gently led her over to the couch, helped her to a seat and sat down beside her, hugging her again. Scarlett looked at him, then reached out and timidly fixed a strand of his hair. She started to pull her hand away, but Rhett caught it and kissed it tenderly, looking into her eyes, then said earnestly, "Scarlett, I saw the bag with your things in the hall. Promise me you won't go anywhere. You and Wade are the only people I care about, you know? You're my family," he concluded, frowning slightly, remembering how he'd lost his place in his family once before. That fear lived deep inside him and he shared it with her.
She took a deep breath and then said quietly, "I would have left by now, but Wade wasn't feeling well and we had to stay."
"What's wrong with him?" she heard his worried voice.
"He had a headache, but no fever yet," she explained.
"I can get a doctor to look at him, Scarlett. Shall I go?"
"No, you don't need to yet. Maybe it's just the heat..."
They fell silent and Rhett took her cool hand thoughtfully in his warm palms, then heard her stern voice, "How could you tell that woman everything, Rhett? After all, you and I had an agreement and..."
"Scarlett, I don't remember telling her anything like that," he interrupted, adding, "we've had very little contact with Belle lately..."
"Don't say her name," she said quietly, pulling her hand away from his.
"Can I explain it to you?" he asked, turning her round gently, holding her by the chin and, without waiting for her answer, he said, "You're not the whiskey I want every night. You're the water I need every day. It's the difference between the two of you, it's the difference between you and everyone else."
She looked at him and believed every word he said. She scolded herself, but she continued to believe.
"I have to leave now Scarlett, I have to sort this out, can I come back later?"
She shrugged and he replied seriously, "I'll come by to check on you in a couple of hours and we'll talk quietly, okay?"
She nodded uncertainly, he reached up, kissed her softly and quickly on the lips and then left the room with a quick step.