"Where's Mr. Northman?" I ask Juanita, our housekeeper.
"Mister Northman said he'll be having dinner at the club and not to expect him back till late tonight," she responds.
"Thank you," I say as I tell her to have the chef prepare dinner for one again.
I give a lonely sigh.
A year and a half ago, I had caught my 'dear husband' cheating. I didn't want to return to him, I wanted to leave him, if only I had the courage to follow through, but I didn't. My feeble mind and morals wouldn't let me. I loved Eric, despite what he did and continued to do to me. But that love began to diminish less and less as time went by while he continued with his affairs. I had no idea who he was seeing nowadays.
In the beginning, I told him I would forgive him, but the cheating had to stop. He obliged for several weeks, but then would continue on again. It was like a never-ending cycle. I knew that I could not change Eric, but I could do something about my reactions, so I learned how to turn my emotions off. Though the thought of him sleeping with other women still made me sick to my stomach, I would tell myself that there wasn't nothing I could do and it wasn't my fault. I had become cold, like a robot.
The other thing was my morals. I held onto the belief that pledging yourself to someone through marriage was a lifetime commitment, that we were together 'till death do us part.' Weak-minded, I know!
One of the other stipulations I had given Eric was that I wanted to work. So, I took a job with a non-profit organization that worked with troubled youth in Miami a few times a week. I had gotten the job through Lafayette, who had moved to Miami a year ago and who was one of the primary case workers.
After supper, I work on a proposal for more funding for the organization and shut down my computer after emailing it to Lafayette and the other managers. I undress, put my nightgown on, and lay down on my large, but empty marital bed. I try to close my eyes and feel the tears threatening to spill out.
I sniffle and will myself to sleep. I had spent so many nights crying over my unhappy marriage. I dream about the endless possibilities of the life that I could have if I only left my husband.
A few hours later, I fall asleep.
The following weekend, I was at the main house. That was the other thing that I wanted. I wanted to live in a different house from my mother-in-law. Eric, at first objected, but I told him I couldn't bear living under his mother's watchful eye anymore. He agreed to move, but we had only moved to the mansion that was next to his mother's house.
I hated coming to his mother's house. Andre was in a similar situation as me, he had been the stay-at-home spouse while Sophie-Anne worked long hours with Eric. The only difference was that Andre relished his role as a stay-at-home husband and father and worshipped Sophie-Anne.
The only reason I tolerated coming over was for Pam, the smart, wild child and carefree, daughter. We had developed a bond over these years and were practically best friends. She was in her final year of boarding school and was set to attend Princeton in the fall.
"Sookie? Sookie?" Pam hushes from the hallway, in her mother's house.
I glance at her, I knew the look on her face, she was looking to do something that her mother would not approve of, and I was going to be her accomplice.
"Pam," I whisper. "What's up?"
"Come with me," she whispers back as she leads me to the wing of the mansion where her mother had her offices and bedroom.
"What are we doing?" I whisper as we look down the hallway to see if anyone was there.
"Looking for something," she replies.
We go into Sophie and Andre's bedroom. Pam continues to tip toe around the room.
"What's going on Pamela!" I say a little louder.
"I'm looking for mother's seal," she says. "I want to go with my friends to , but she won't me. I need her seal to use on my permission slips."
"Are you crazy Pam?! She will strangle us both if she finds out," I hush again.
"She won't! Trust me!" Pam counters.
"How do you know?" I ask.
"Because her and father are going to Chicago with Eric during that week, I'll be in school and they won't suspect a thing! Not as though they ever worry or care where I am and what happens to me," Pam concedes.
"I know where she keeps it," Pam says all of a sudden. "Her private office."
She looks for the hidden door behind the bookshelf and opens it. It was unlocked.
"Pam, I don't think we should…." I say. I had rarely ever stepped into Sophie's bedroom, much less her private office where she made and planned her multi-billion dollar mergers and business deals.
"Come on!" she says in a bossy tone.
"Ugh," I grumble.
We walk into the office and it was a huge mess, papers, pictures, numbers were all over the desk and floor. My eyes widen at the sight, I never knew that Sophie-Anne could be so untidy and unkempt, you would never know that by looking at her everyday appearances or her home, except this room.
"I know she keeps a safe somewhere," Pam says.
"And you know the combination number?" I say with a raised eyebrow.
"Duh, it's obviously going to be Eric's birthday," she says as she rolls her eyes at me.
Sure enough we find the safe and sure enough, it was Eric's birthday.
"I told you…" Pam says in that tone.
She finds a leather type of briefcase and takes it out, looking at it with curiosity in her eyes.
"You don't suppose this is her will," she says to me.
"Pam, it's better to put it back," I say.
But she doesn't, she opens it instead.
I watch as she looks through it, skimming over papers and some photos.
"Oh my god….." she says, her face as white as a ghost. "What the fuck….."
"Pam, what is it?" I ask, feeling worried with the look on her face.
She starts breathing faster.
I go to stand beside her as she hands me papers. It was birth certificates, Eric's, Pam's and someone elses…..
I read the birthdate of the unknown individual. My eyes widen in shock….
"Oh my god!" I whisper out loud.
What the fuck! I think to myself in bewilderment.