"Here we are!" Lucifer made a dramatic gesture as they walked toward the Hotel in question. Fireworks materialized out of nothing, bursting behind him to add another layer of dazzle to the already impressive building. He walked past the chocolate fountain and water fountain that sat on either side of the entrance. (He had forgotten to take those away after the party. Oops. Can't imagine the chocolate was very good at this point in time.)
"Oh shit! Chocolate!" Adam got excited, walking towards the cascading waterfalls of milky brown.
"That's been outside for a while, Adam. I don't think that's sanitary, and you've been puking enough as it is." Lucifer grabbed him by the back of his robes and Adam was stopped before he could reach his chocolaty destination. Adam's wings popped out as he seemed surprised by the sudden grip.
"Then why have it?"
"It was for a party. I just kinda forgot." Lucifer snapped and the chocolate fountain turned into regular water to match the one on the other side. There, two ornate fountains. They really elevated the desire of the hotel and were not something that stupid asshole with the smile would have thought up for himself. (He did feel a bit bad about having forgotten about taking the fountain down when he left- but in his defense, the last few days had been more than a bit chaotic.) "Plus, you're not here to dick around, you're here to learn."
"Seriously? Do I *have* to do this?" Adam looked up at the Hotel in question, his wings drooping behind him as if he had been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Lucifer swatted at the wings with his cane.
"Put those back." It wasn't like Sinners wouldn't occasionally have wings, but that, combined with the broken pieces of the halo floating over Adam's head, made him an obvious target. Eventually the halo would gradually turn into something different, but Adam was so newly Fallen he still looked predominantly angelic.
"No. It's uncomfortable to keep them folded up for too long." Adam crossed his arms looking indignant.
"It's *Hell* things are gonna be uncomfortable. You might as well get used to it now."
"I don't understand why I can't just keep them out. *You* have wings."
"Yes, but I'm special. Those wings and that fucking thing over your head make you a massive goddamn target." Lucifer put his hands on the wings in another attempt to force them back into Adam. The white wing resisted, the left... Lucifer's hand pretty much went right through it. That was weird. Lucifer stopped pushing for a moment and just started moving his hand in and out of Adam's wing. When he stuck his hand in the black feathers, it felt a bit colder, but he couldn't feel any texture, though his hand looked as if it were buried. The feathers even moved and reacted as if he were touching them, but Lucifer could feel nothing but air. The fuck was going on with that wing? No wonder Adam couldn't fly.
"What the fuck are you doing?" Adam was turning his head to look at Lucifer who was still playing around with how the wing worked. "Stop."
"Can you feel that?" Lucifer moved his hand around more. Adam tried to pull away.
"Kinda? It feels fucking *crazy. Like a weird ass chill. So, stop it before I punch you in your ugly face."
"Hmm you are moody." It wasn't entirely Adam's fault, but it still didn't excuse him. Lucifer was taking time out of his incredibly busy schedule to help. He was going to only have three hours of wallowing tonight because of these shenanigans. (He barely had any moping when they went to Lu Lu World, either. Adam was really cutting into his time.)
"Yeah, because you keep fucking with my wing!"
"If you tucked it in, I wouldn't be able to do this." Lucifer ran his hand all the way through. Adam made a face of displeasure and shivered so hard his wings both fluffed up. Lucifer stifled a laugh, unsuccessfully, as he gave an unintentional little snort. Adam glared at him, wings instantly folding back into his back, vanishing from view. "You know, you're lucky you kept your holy robes. Most of the time you would rip through fabric with your wings going in and out like that."
"What, don't Sinners have wings?"
"Some do, it's just rare. And they aren't really for flying, most of the time."
"Sounds fucking stupid. So what, my wings are just aesthetic?"
"Basically." Lucifer laughed to himself; this wing-thing was making Adam unreasonably angry. "It's not much of a punishment if we still let you flutter around. Also, you might escape, since you know where the exit is." He was also one of the few capable of navigating the realm between. Adam was a legitimate flight risk. (No pun intended.) "Never seen the whole: shadow-wing thing before, though. So, I will give you some credit."
"Are you done obsessing over my wings? It's fucking creepy."
"It's not creepy." Lucifer leaned forward to knock on the hotel door. They had sort of just been standing in Charlie's walkway arguing. It probably wasn't the best look for a place that advertised seeking redemption. As he leaned around Adam, he got a face full of feathers from the white wing.
"Oops." Adam's wings had sprung back out.
"You did that on purpose." Lucifer pushed on the base of the white wing, and they contracted back again. The devil let out a sneeze, feathers flying out of his mouth. This was going *swimmingly. They hadn't even made it *inside* and Adam was already being a piece of shit. Maybe he shouldn't have put Charlie in this situation. He did truly love his daughter, and as much as he wanted to spend more time with her, exposing her to Adam was probably going too far.
Charlie didn't deserve this punishment.
The door swung open.
Too late.
"Dad! Hey!" Charlie did look genuinely happy to see him, which always came as a bit of a shock to Lucifer. She looked beside him, eyes falling on the black and white menace that had cursed Lucifer over the last few days. "Adam."
"Sup, fucker?" Adam gave Charlie a nod. Lucifer instantly put his face in his hands. They still hadn't made it across the threshold, and he was already contemplating murder. (But if he did kill Adam it would have to be outside of the hotel. Charlie had worked so hard on her business and splattering it with infected blood wasn't going to help anyone. Also, he would lose any leads he might get out of Adam if he murdered him. Sure, he would come back, but he would be incredibly unlikely to cooperate. He was barely cooperative now and Lucifer had been nothing but nice to him.)
"Adam. That is my *daughter*. You may call her Charlie Princess of Hell, Princess Charlie, or your majesty. Not: *fucker. Fucker is nowhere on that list."
"Just Charlie is fine." Charlie gave them a sweet smile, but Lucifer could tell it was strained. Logic dictated that she was stressed about Adam, but the devil couldn't help but worry that he had already done something to upset her.
"Good to see you, Charlie!" He pushed Adam to the side and wrapped his daughter into a hug. Much to his relief, she hugged him back. "Thank you for agreeing to help on such short notice!"
"I am a bit surprised by the request, I'll be honest." Charlie stepped aside and Lucifer half-led, half-pushed Adam past Charlie and into the foyer.
"Yes, well, it's a funny situation." Lucifer gave a small sigh. "Can I talk to you? One-on-one?" His eyes glanced behind Charlie, unsurprisingly, he saw Vaggie not too far off. He didn't blame the Fallen angel for lingering. He didn't trust Adam *either. (And Vaggie didn't even know the true nature of the stakes.)
"What? You can't leave me alone in here." Adam suddenly dug his heels down, and Lucifer nearly walked into him. "These guys fucking hate me!"
"Everyone fucking hates you Adam, this place isn't that special, at least not in that regard. It's incredibly special in other ways." Lucifer gestured at the interior. "Like everything my daughter has contributed. You should really be impressed."
"Why though?" Adam looked him dead in the eyes, face completely stoic. Lucifer's own expression fell, his eyes narrowed.
"Just fucking sit and don't touch anything."
"But I don't want to be left alone. Not with her." He pointed at Vaggie. Lucifer's concern rose as he saw Vaggie had her spear in her hand.
"How about you put the spear away?"
"No." Vaggie hadn't taken her eye off of Adam since he had walked in.
"Vaggie," Charlie put her hands on Vaggie's shoulders, gently lowering the arm with the spear. "It's okay! We aren't going to fight! We're going to help!" Despite her enthusiastic voice, Lucifer could tell Charlie wasn't thrilled with the situation either. (But she had ten times the patience that Lucifer did, especially when it came to Adam, who it felt as if God had created specifically to push Lucifer's buttons.)
"I don't trust him." Vaggie's response was short and sweet.
"None of us do," Charlie assured her. "But this hotel is founded on redemption!"
"Don't trust *me? I'm not the one who lied to your little girlfriend about where you came from." Adam talked a big game, but Lucifer could see that he was moving so that the Devil stood between Adam and his former Exorcist.
"Listen here you little bitch-"
"What you did to Vaggie wasn't very nice Adam. You revealed personal information against her wishes. And while I can't entirely know your motivation, I would assume you did it to cause her pain. So, we could start this whole thing off with an apology! How does that sound?" Charlie was trying to make the best out of the tense situation. Lucifer was so proud of her.
"Yeah. I am not gonna do that." And just like that, Adam was making an ass out of himself in front of Lucifer's daughter (and possible future daughter-in-law).
"That might have been too much to ask." Charlie's face fell a bit.
"I wouldn't have accepted your apology anyway; you sack of shit." Vaggie's hand tightened on the spear. "After everything you've done- you're lucky Charlie is giving you any of her fucking time. You *don't* deserve it."
"Vaggie..." Charlie pulled her closer.
"It needs to be said, Charlie. This fucking asshole acts like he's so entitled to all of this. But he's not." Vaggie was *livid. Lucifer realized he hadn't quite accounted for Vaggie's reaction when he had made his plan. Of course she wouldn't be okay with Adam being around. He used to be her boss. He had watched from the sidelines as Lute had ripped her wings and halo off. He couldn't blame her for having strong feelings about seeing Adam again.
"I know, but he needs our help." Charlie did not look as convinced as Lucifer had seen in the past with the other Sinners.
"Okay, you know what?" It was time to deescalate this before a fight broke out. "You trust Vaggie? I trust Vaggie." Lucifer gestured toward the stairs. So why don't we all go somewhere a bit more private so I can describe the situation?"
"Me too?" Adam perked up.
"Yes. You too. I don't trust you by yourself." Lucifer knew that if he left Adam to his own devices, the whole hotel might come down on itself in a blaze of unholy fire. It's not that he thought Adam was that strong (Though Corruption could greatly increase one's powers) it was mostly that Lucifer knew that: if Adam put his mind to it, any amount of destruction was possible.
"We can talk in our room." Charlie led them up the stairs and into one of the many hotel suites. This one was larger than the others, nicely decorated. Lucifer could tell Charlie had inherited some of his taste for the finer things in life. Charlie closed the door and took a seat on the bed. Vaggie stood next to her, spear in hand glaring at Adam who was standing slightly behind Lucifer. "So, what's this really about? I doubt Adam just had a sudden change of heart."
"Bitch, I might have." Adam interrupted before Charlie could even finish getting her words out. "I am an *angel. I love doing good deeds and shit. We get off on that kinda bull."
"You didn't even do good deeds when you were in *Heaven." Vaggie snapped back. "I watched you take Cain Still Loves Me's drink right off her tray and drink it."
"You are right about one thing. Cain does still love me. But I fail to see how that's relevant to this conversation." Adam gave a small shrug. Lucifer was on edge, watching him. Cain could be a real trigger and they were in an enclosed space.
"What does Uncle Cain have to do with any of this?" Charlie looked genuinely confused by Vaggie's comment.
"No, that's one of the Exorcist. Adam got fucking tired of coming up with good names after the first few, so he started naming us whatever was in that empty head of his. That's why we got fucking: Sugar Tits, Cain Still Loves Me, and Pick up the Dry Cleaning."
"Damn, I did not do that before I got stuck in Hell." Adam crossed his arms looking annoyed. "How long do you think they hold on to shit? You think they'll still have it by the time this whole misunderstanding gets sorted out and I'm back in Heaven?"
"Not a misunderstanding, you broke a contract and damned yourself, but in my experience, Heaven holds dry cleaning for a while so you should be fine." Lucifer wasn't really trying to assure Adam so much as he was attempting to calm Vaggie. "Though it is a bit weird that you named the Exorcists." That was not something left to humans. Adam was a high-ranking Winner, sure, but that was like... Arch business.
"It's because I'm so good at naming." Adam gave a little shrug.
"You are not." Vaggie glowered at him.
"Heh... *stiffcock." Adam snickered to himself. Instantly the spear was pointed forward and Vaggie looked ready to attack.
"The fuck did you just say to me, asshole?"
"It's a *plant." Lucifer held his hands up, stepping in front of Adam. Charlie was carefully lowering Vaggie's hands, so the spear was no longer ready to plunge into Adam's face. "We were talking about it earlier and he's just an immature fucking prick."
"Right, so why don't we discuss why you decided to bring Adam here?" Charlie was trying to get them back on topic.
"So, Adam wants to try redemption!" Lucifer tried his first lie out on Charlie, but his daughter looked thoroughly unconvinced. Her eyes were narrowed, lips drawn into a thin line.
"Yeah. No. Really. Why are we doing this?"
"It's a bit complicated, sweet apple." Lucifer let out a little sigh. "Adam got a just a tiny bit sick. Probably just something he picked up since he's new to Hell and you know there's all kind of shit running rampant down here." Time to try a different set of lies. "Actually, Vaggie, did you ever run into anything weird in Purgatory? Did Adam like to run off and try to dick around off the beaten path?"
"No." The answer surprised him. Vaggie didn't even have to think about it. "He was really strict about Purgatory. No stopping, no veering off. If you wandered off, you got left behind."
"Path?" Charlie looked confused. "You guys don't just take the boats?"
"Not for the Exterminations. Might freak the souls out if they saw an army of masked angels getting on the boat with them." Vaggie shook her head.
"But Adam got sick in Hell... not Purgatory?" Charlie looked back at her dad.
"More likely than not, yes." No. Actually, it was the other way around, but Lucifer didn't want to go into the nature of the illness with Charlie. Not yet. She was such a good girl with a big heart. Telling her what else was out there and what they could do to her beloved Sinners seemed like a bad idea. He didn't want to stress her out. "Just had to be sure, which is why I asked Vaggie."
"So, what does any of this have to do with Redemption?" Charlie's expression was hard to read. Lucifer was unsure if she was buying his story or not.
"Well, that's the fun part!" *Fun* of course meaning that was the part Lucifer had been concocting his explanation for, since he had made the call. "Adam's a Fallen angel, not just a regular Sinner. He is more like me, especially because it like... just happened. So, when he does good deeds, it kind of... invokes his angelic nature and helps cure him!" None of this was true. But damn if it didn't sound plausible to anyone who had no idea how this sort of thing worked. "That being said, if he does throw up-and he will- let me take care of it. You are already going out of your way to do all of this for me, so at least allow me that."
"His angelic nature... heals him?" Charlie repeated his words back, looking at Adam before looking back at Lucifer. Finally, she turned to Vaggie. "Does that happen? *Can* that happen?" Vaggie gave a small shrug.
"I can't say for sure. I mean, it sure as hell didn't feel like it happened to *me* when Lute stabbed my fucking eye out."
"Oh, by the way, if it makes you feel better: Adam's blind in that right eye." Lucifer gestured to Adam still standing behind him. "Probably because of his complacency in what happened to you."
"Ha!" Vaggie let out a laugh. "Actually, it does, thank you."
"It's not fucking funny." Adam's default smirk fell into an annoyed expression. "My depth perception got royally screwed up by that. It's a goddamn nightmare."
"Really. Is it? I wouldn't know. That sounds really terrible, Adam." Vaggie's complete monotone seemed to be lost on Adam.
"How do people even see like this!? Syn keeps sneaking up on me!" Adam threw his hands up in exasperation.
"Usually, we turn our heads." Vaggie's expression hadn't changed.
"Sin?" Charlie looked a little confused. "Like... Sin is sneaking up on you? Is that some kind of... metaphor for Falling?" Lucifer's eyes widened for a moment. Fuck. He was not ready to explain Syn to Charlie. With his luck his daughter would want to meet his make-shift assistant, and Syn would start helpfully spewing information about Lucifer's depression to the entire Hotel.
"Metaphor. Yep. Adam's gotten real poetic since he arrived- but anyway this is the situation, Charlie. Do you think you can help?"
"I can *try." Charlie looked Adam up and down and Lucifer followed her gaze. The First Man was cleaning his ear with his pinky finger. "But Adam has to *want* redemption as well. I can't help him if he doesn't want to be helped."
"Redemption is kind of a shitty word for it, babe." Adam yawned, not covering his mouth so Lucifer and everyone else in the room could see that his tongue was black in the half of his mouth that wasn't just a glowing void. "It implies that I did something *wrong. I'm only here because of a paperwork snafu or something. I dunno, Lose-cifer knows the story." He tilted his head in Lucifer's direction.
"Okay." Charlie took a deep breath instinctively reaching over and lowering Vaggie's spear again without even turning her head. "I have a great place to start! We can begin with something super simple! Why don't you use people's *names? Like: I'm Charlie, not babe. And my dad is Lucifer." She gestured to Adam. "Let's try it! I'm..." she trailed off. Adam looked at her blankly for a moment.
"Desperate?"
"No, Adam, say my name."
"Princess."
"Princess... *what?" Charlie had her hands clasped together, a smile on her face, but Lucifer could tell from the way she was squeezing her fingers together that she was getting pissed off.
"Princess... of Hell?"
"Okay. Yes. That's my *title*. That's a good baby step! But what is my *name? Come on Adam, you really should know it."
"Know what?"
"My *name, Adam. What is my name?"
"You know, I could just kill him, save us all the trouble." Vaggie looked at her spear before making eye contact with Adam again. "If this is just some paperwork fuck up like he says, he should go right back Up. Problem solved for everyone."
"Vaggie, I appreciate your suggestion, but dad really wants us to focus on redemption." Charlie kept her smile, wrapping her arms around Vaggie from behind and forcing her to lower her weapon once again. She brought her lips to Vaggie's ear, whispering to her softly. "If it's too much for you, sweetheart, I don't mind if you step away. I know this has to be difficult." Vaggie's expression instantly softened, and Lucifer saw her grip on the spear relax.
"I'm fine, dear."
"Awesome!" Charlie gave Vaggie one last, loving squeeze before turning back to Adam. "Then we can keep practicing!"
"You really should listen to Charlie." Adam smirked from his seat on the floor. "Ass-Face over there won't let you hurt me. I'm under his protection."
"You used my name!" Charlie clapped her hands together excitedly. "I mean, calling my dad *ass-face* was a bit of a step back. But I can still take the win!" She immediately turned to face Lucifer who was ready just in case Adam started puking. (Though using Charlie's name didn't really feel like a genuine act of kindness so much as it felt like basic human decency. And surely insulting Lucifer in the same sentence had put Adam purely in the red in the kindness department.) "Dad, I didn't realize you had made a deal with Adam."
"Not my first choice but since he was so sick and pathetic I took pity on him." Lucifer gave a dismissive wave of his hand. He had no desire for Charlie to press this matter. "You are the one saying to give the Sinner's a chance."
"I am just... surprised." Charlie's smile wavered for a moment. She seemed to be struggling with her resolve. Lucifer had to admit he was impressed Charlie had agreed to help at all with this. Given what Adam had done to her, to her hotel, to her *friends... she was really sticking to the idea that *anyone* could be redeemed. "Thank you for using my name, Adam. That was great progress! Now how about you use my *dad's."
"Oh, you mean douche canoe? Shit brain? Fuck nozzle? Ass Dick." Adam made direct eye contact with Lucifer as he spoke.
"If you want me to be insulted, I'm not. Half of those insults don't even make sense. You were just being vulgar to be vulgar." Lucifer's expression and tone remained completely stoic. He really wasn't that offended. It was fucking *Adam. He just sort of expected the shit talking.
"Okay, I am asking too much again." Charlie sighed. "Let's try something else! Adam, how are you feeling this fine afternoon?" Charlie gave her biggest, warmest smile. Adam stared at her blankly. Lucifer could almost see the gears in that empty head trying to process what she was doing.
"Actually, I feel like shit." Adam's response was... genuine, though far from polite. "I mean, I'm in fucking Hell."
"Aw, I am sorry you feel that way. Is there anything I can do to try and help you feel better?"
"Can you get me back to Heaven?
"I can certainly try! But *you* also need to do your part!" She kept the same level of cheer and optimism. Adam's face fell and he rolled his eyes.
"Ah, it's one of these fucking lectures."
"It's not a lecture, I am just trying to help you." Charlie was really doing her best. Lucifer had to admire her conviction. "If you want to go home, you have to put in the work."
"Face it Charlie, he doesn't care. This is mister: Hell is Forever we're talking about here. Not to mention he's lazy." Vaggie no longer looked ready to kill, but she was still watching Adam like a hawk. Lucifer appreciated her dedication. He felt even safer knowing there was yet another barrier between Adam and Charlie should he start to deteriorate mentally.
"What do you miss most about Heaven?" Charlie wasn't giving up. Lucifer could see himself in that eager expression, those wide, hopeful eyes. He had been like that once too, long ago before reality had worn him down into the miserable shell he was today. But Lucifer had the power to protect Charlie from his fate. And he would do everything that he could to keep her from the harsh realities of the Heavens.
"How... it didn't have your lame ass dad breathing down my neck." Adam wasn't taking the question seriously, which was no shock. "And it was clean, temperate, and the only thing that was hot was the population." Lucifer put his face in his hands.
"If you could go back, what would be the first thing you would do?" Charlie wasn't letting Adam get under her skin despite the Fallen's best efforts. "Think about it! It's a beautiful day in Heaven! A glorious Wednesday afternoon and you can get as many of those tiny rainbows in your ice cream as you want."
"Sprinkles, dear. We talked about that. The tiny rainbows are just Sprinkles." Vaggie looked amused more than anything else. Lucifer's gaze went back to Adam who for a moment looked ready to give a snarky retort, however, his shoulders drooped only slightly, he looked away from the others and toward the window.
"It's Wednesday?" He sounded a bit distant as he kept staring out of the window. Lucifer started to grow concerned. An angry shouting Adam was at least coherent. When he got quiet, things could turn very quickly.
"Yes?" Charlie must have noticed the tonal shift. "Are Wednesdays your favorite day? Or... least favorite?"
"I used to have lunch with Abel on Wednesday... though I guess I have been way too busy for it recently."
Fuck. If Cain was a trigger for Adam, Lucifer couldn't imagine Abel would be much better. "Well, you were a busy guy up in Heaven, you know, plotting my downfall and all that." Lucifer put his hand on Adam in a dramatic pat on the shoulder. Though, his hand lingered, claws holding tightly to him just in case.
"Huh?" Adam was still speaking quietly. He was starting to put Lucifer on edge.
"Adam... are you feeling okay?" Charlie started to step forward, but Lucifer held out his hand, shaking his head.
"Adam is just distracted trying to think up his next insult, aren't you, jackass?" Lucifer forced a laugh and gave Adam a little shove. Adam blinked, shaking his head, looking around the room again, before the default annoyed expression replaced the distracted one that had been giving Lucifer concern.
"Don't fucking touch me, bitch." Adam waved Lucifer's hand away and Lucifer let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding.
"See?" Lucifer smacked Adam on the back and the First Man immediately tried to swat him away like a cat. "He's fine Charlie. You know how hard it is for him to form thoughts in that head."
"Hey, fuck you." Adam glared at him.
"You're sure you're alright, Adam? You have been sick..." Charlie must have picked up on her dad's unease, she was observant and that was a problem for the Devil.
"He's no worse than he usually is." Lucifer tried to dismiss her concern.
"I'll admit, this whole *sickness* is a bit confusing. I know Sinners can get sick, but I haven't heard of anything like this before. It can't spread to the other hotel patrons, can it?"
"No, not unless they touch his puke or something, and I know Sinners are kinda unpredictable, but I can't see any of your patrons wanting to do that." Lucifer laughed. There was, of course, also the matter of *biting* but he was there to prevent that from happening, so it wasn't worth mentioning to Charlie.
"Oooookay." Charlie raised an eyebrow at him, and Lucifer was worried he was losing her confidence.
"Look, it's nothing I came up with. You have a problem with the sickness, you can take it up with Pestilence." It was time for Lucifer to throw someone else under the metaphorical bus. Someone Charlie had never met, and who was not here to defend themselves currently. "You know he's always coming up with new shit."
"Hey, am I better yet?" Adam, thankfully, interrupted. "Cause I don't feel any different. Not entirely surprising because I was already a divine piece of ass, but like... I was expecting to not be black and white anymore."
"Um, no." Charlie smiled, but there was less energy in it than before. "You're not cured, Adam. You did one thing I asked you to do, and that was use my name. But when you did that, you also insulted my dad in the same sentence."
"Right and that was funny, hilarious, even." Adam stared back up at her.
"No, it was just mean." Charlie's smile faded a little more.
"I just don't think you understand my more sophisticated humor. Lute would have laughed."
"Lute was a fucking psycho." Vaggie had the opportunity to join the arguing, and she had taken it. It wasn't shocking that she had issues with the other Exorcists. Lucifer was just relieved to find out at least some of them had normal names.
"Listen, Adam, if you don't want help, there isn't much I can do." Charlie's tone was serious, though far from harsh. "But if you want to go enjoy your Wednesday lunches with Abel again, I suggest you put a bit more effort into this." Lucifer instantly tensed. He kept a careful eye on Adam, mentally pleading for the First Man to remain coherent.
"Wednesday Abel, Friday Seth..." Adam did seem rather collected. "Maybe I can work out something with Cain on a Thursday... or any other day- I'm sure he's busy with work." He looked over at Charlie, "you know my son owns a company here, right?"
"Yeah, Cain Organics." Charlie seemed a bit confused. "He helps oversee Hell's food production."
"He was such a fucking good farmer. Like, you have no goddamn idea how talented he was. He learned from the best, obviously." Adam gestured to himself. "He would follow me around in the fields all day since he could walk."
"Aw!" Charlie's smile seemed to return as she watched Adam reflect on his oldest son. "Little baby Uncle Cain sounds so cute!"
"You keep calling him *uncle." Adam raised an eyebrow. (Or maybe he raised both, Lucifer couldn't tell what the eyebrow on the silhouetted side of Adam's face was doing.) "Not sure you know what that word means."
"He's just always been around since I was little. He came to all my birthday parties. He even made my cake for my big one hundred." Charlie went to her dresser and pulled out an old scrapbook. Lucifer found himself leaning in as well- he didn't know Charlie liked scrapbooking! That opened up an entire new array of gift possibilities for her! Maybe it was something they could do together! Sure, Lucifer hadn't really done it before, but it looked like fun. (Plus, Charlie's little book was just so nicely constructed with lots of colors and stickers.) "Here we go," Charlie flipped through the pages until she found the one she was looking for. To Lucifer's surprise, she handed the book to Adam. Lucifer's anxiety instantly shot through the roof. He had no idea if Adam could be trusted with something as fragile as a scrapbook. He *really* hoped Charlie had extra copies somewhere.
"Oh damn, look at that." Adam took the book from her, Lucifer leaned in close to keep an eye on what Adam was doing with his hands. He had no idea what powers Adam had retained from the Fall (the actual fall from grace, not the super kickass ride that everyone in Hell loved), but now really wasn't the time to find out. But the worst Adam did was put his thumb directly on Lilith's face as he looked at the photo of Charlie with her parents standing in front of an absolutely *massive* cake. Standing to the side of the cake was Cain looking quite pleased with himself. "That is a fucking baller cake."
"It tasted even better than it looks." Charlie smiled down at him. Lucifer had to admit, he wasn't expecting Adam to be capable of carrying on a civil conversation with Charlie. He wasn't sure if he needed to be watching him for signs of worsening Corruption, or signs that he would vomit over Charlie's beautiful album. "He made a lot of my birthday cakes, actually. But that one was probably my favorite."
"Not surprised." Adam smirked. "Lilly couldn't cook for shit, and I *know* your dad's worthless when it comes to food unless he's pulling crap out of his ass."
"It's called *conjuring, Adam, and you fucking know that." Lucifer's eyes narrowed. (He hadn't heard Adam refer to Lilith as Lilly in quite some time.) "I'm not pulling shit out of my ass; I'm altering the particles in the air to create a desired outcome. You wouldn't get it. It's an *Archangel* thing."
"If it's an '*Archangel thing' then why the fuck can you do it?" Adam met his gaze.
"Listen here you little shit-" Lucifer was ready with an incredibly witty comeback, but Charlie spoke up before he could absolutely destroy Adam on an emotional level with his clever wordplay.
"Archangel? Those are the Angels in charge, right? Like Sera?"
"Oh *fuck* no." Lucifer tried not to laugh but failed. Much to Lucifer's surprise, Adam snorted.
"She wishes."
"Oh, I just thought... with the trial and everything..." Charlie didn't seem upset, just surprised by the reactions. (Or maybe simply surprised that Adam and Lucifer shared a sentiment, given that both had done nothing but bicker since their arrival.)
"No," Vaggie shook her head. "Sera's not an Arch, but she is basically the go-to if you want to talk to them. I never saw a single one of the Big Four when I was in Heaven."
"They're a bunch of elusive, judgmental, holier-than-thou assholes." Lucifer made a face. "I'm not shocked you didn't run into one of them. They don't waste their time on petty shit like damned souls. They have too much snooty gossiping to be doing. Lesser angels, Winners, even Seraphim are beneath them."
"Oh..." Charlie looked slightly disappointed. "I thought if someone outranked Sera, maybe I could pitch the Hotel again... you know... without Adam and Lute interrupting."
"We did have the best part of your song though, hands down." Adam didn't seem too invested in their conversation. He was distracted by Charlie's scrapbook where Lucifer could only assume that he was in search of photos containing Cain.
"I don't think they'll care, Charlie. Last time I made a suggestion to those bitches they cut my fucking wings off." Lucifer took Charlie's hand. (He was still sitting beside Adam, and he didn't want to get up in case Adam pulled out a marker, scissors, or some kind of lighter to '*redecorate' Charlie's carefully curated scrapbook. However, he did still want to give his daughter some comfort.) He hated letting Charlie down, but Heaven had burned him before- he couldn't let it hurt his daughter.
"I don't think-" Adam spoke but didn't look up.
"Adam, shut up." Lucifer didn't break eye contact with Charlie. "Sorry my little red delicious..."
"Eh, it's fine. We'll just have to try again once we have proof it works!" Charlie's smile melted Lucifer's whole heart. "Why don't we head downstairs! We can practice some more Redemption exercises! My room is nice and all, but it's a little crowded with all four of us!" Lucifer also had to imagine that Charlie wasn't the biggest fan of Adam pawing through her things like an animal. She held her hand out to Adam for the scrapbook. The First Man reached the end, and much to Lucifer's surprise, handed it back without damaging it.
"I still think this whole thing is bullshit, but why the fuck not. It's better than being locked in Dick Bag's house and being forced to do all his bidding."
"Wh-" Lucifer's cheeks went bright gold. "That... that did not happen Charlie. I swear to you. He has always had the ability to leave at literally *any* time. He is staying by his own volition."
"I know dad." Charlie chuckled. "I trust you, and I don't trust Adam." She looked back at the newly Fallen still sitting on her floor. "Not *yet* at least. But if we work together, we can build that trust as we work your way back up to Heaven!"
"Not gonna happen, princess." Adam got off the floor dusting himself off. "I liked some of those pictures though."
"I'm glad!" Charlie opened the door. It seemed her chat with Adam had calmed him down immensely.
"You go first." Vaggie half-nudged, half-forced Adam out of the door. Lucifer took the opportunity to jump to his feet, grabbing both Charlie and Vaggie and pulling them toward him, lowering his voice.
"Real quick: do NOT mention Adam's death during Extermination Day, okay? He doesn't remember and if he thinks about it too hard, he freaks out."
"Okay, that sounds easy enough." Charlie nodded. "Right Vaggie?"
"I mean, sure, but he's gonna hear about it eventually." Vaggie seemed less thrilled with the idea. "And he's fine *now."
"Just trust me, you're better off avoiding it." Lucifer kept his voice low.
"What are you losers whispering about?" Adam stood directly behind Vaggie who whirled around with the spear. Lucifer had to grab her arm to stop her from impaling Adam straight through. Luckily the spear stopped just shy of his chest. Unfortunately, it startled Adam enough that he stumbled back and started to fall over the hotel banister. His wings flared out, but Lucifer had seen how well they worked. In a flash Lucifer was beneath him, catching Adam in his arms and lowering him on the floor.
"Adam, are you okay!?" Charlie ran to the banister looking down at the scene below her with genuine concern.
"I can't believe you fucking fell!" Vaggie was leaning over the banister as well though her expression and words were far less empathetic and more amused.
"I'm fine." Adam's wings rustled as he shook himself. "I was caught by a fucking baked bean in a top hat."
"And what could you say to dad? You know, to show how you feel about him catching you?" Charlie was undeterred by Adam's slew of insults.
"I'd rather have hit the floor." Adam's expression was stoic.
"Not what I meant." Charlie sighed.
"Eh, don't be so sad, Honeycrisp." Lucifer was more relieved than anything else. There was no telling how much Adam he would have been forced to clean off the floor if he had fallen. (Not to mention the subsequent reformation of his body would be a nightmare to monitor.) "It would probably kill him to say thank you, especially to me."
"Oh, fuck off." Adam crossed his arms over his chest. "I mean... *thank you." The amount of sarcasm dripping from Adam's voice could have made a moody teenage girl jealous. Adam hunched over for a second, he didn't look queasy, but he looked like he was ready to throw up. "It... it's not happening. What the fuck? I said the thing."
"It has to be *genuine, dumbass." Lucifer rolled his eyes.
"Yeah... that's not fucking happening." Adam returned to his standing position. "It's your fault I even tripped in the first goddamn place. If you hadn't been holding your *secret conference* upstairs, I wouldn't have almost been stabbed."
"That's a big fucking stretch." Vaggie mused as she and Charlie reached the bottom of the stairs at last.
"Yeah well-" Adam was cut off as the Hotel doors flew open and two of the Sinner patrons burst in.
"Guess who is off work early tonight, sluts!" Angel Dust seemed to be in a remarkably good mood.
"Angel! That's great!" Charlie clapped her hands together.
"Damn, that's worthy of some drinks." One of the bedroom doors opened and Husk ventured out to join the group. Lucifer was starting to get a bit uneasy as the room started filling up.
"The night is ours for painting the town red!" Cherri cheered, leaning on Angel's shoulder. "Get those drinks started and keep 'em comin', mate!" Listening to her talk, Lucifer realized that her accent was vaguely similar to Lysander's. Which was weird because Lysander was a Hellborn.
"Yeah, Val was in a fucking great mood today. He decided to let everyone go early after Vox came down to talk to him. Not gonna question it because I am benefitting~" Angel gave a dramatic stretch.
"*Oh goody~" Great. The Radio Demon was now also back at the hotel, strolling in like he owned the place (which he only *partially* did). "*The Vees are all in a good mood? Perhaps it's time for Hell to freeze over. It's been a while since that happened. We're bound to be due."
"I wouldn't say that. I mean I only saw Vox for a second, but he looked a little tired. Maybe he was just hung over." Angel shrugged. "Not my problem~"
"No fucking way..." Adam was staring at Husk. "That motherfucker has wings! Tell him to put *his* wings up!"
"They are *little* wings. They aren't like yours! And he doesn't have *that*." Lucifer pointed at Adam's halo.
"Bullshit." Adam scoffed. "He has something on his head too."
"A *hat, Adam. He has a fucking hat! He's a cat-based Sinner with little wings and a tiny hat."
"Cats don't have wings, stupid."
"That's just his Sinner form, fuck ass! I didn't *invent* it! That's just what Hell does!"
"So what? He's like a sphynx?" Adam seemed remarkably unconvinced by Lucifer's explanation. The Devil blinked.
"I mean... I don't *think* so."
"Hold the fucking phone!" Angel Dust's voice interrupted Lucifer's and Adam's private bickering session. "Um... Charlie... what the actual *fuck* is *that* doing here!?"
"Angel! Sorry, that's my fault." Charlie could sense the tension and she quickly positioned herself between the Hotel residents and Adam. "Dad asked me to help him with something."
"Help HIM!?" Cherri was poised, ready to fight. "Are you bloody serious!?"
"It was an emergency, and well... this hotel *is* about redemption." Charlie was doing everything in her power to keep a fight from erupting.
"Charlie..." Angel looked more *upset* than anything else. "He killed Pentious..."
"I... I know..." Hearing the heartbreak in Charlie's voice tore Lucifer's own resolve to shreds. God, she was so fucking strong, putting up with Adam's bullshit after everything he had done to her? What kind of father would thrust that on his only daughter?
"*Come now, Angel. Don't be so harsh."
"The fuck are you talking about?" Angel's eyes narrowed as Alastor surveyed the chaos with un unwavering grin.
"*We've all killed people. This is Hell, after all. The only difference is: I've never killed anyone you knew personally~"
"Shut the fuck up." Cherri turned her aggression toward the radio demon.
"We should go." Lucifer could feel the tension in the room boiling. The last thing he wanted to do was cause trouble for his daughter at her hotel. "Come on, Adam."
"Yep, I'm out." Adam stopped for a moment, turning to Charlie. "They have every right to be mad at me. I get it. But thanks for letting me see those pictures." And with that he walked out. Lucifer closed the door to the Hotel behind them. Not a moment too soon as Adam hunched over. A bag materialized in front of him, and he grabbed it, throwing up almost instantly. "Are you fucking kidding me!?" The bag went up in flames the moment he stopped. (Honestly, Lucifer was surprised he had made it this long. A genuine thank you to Charlie, that wasn't what he was expecting, but it was progress.) Though, perhaps in future sessions, he should have Charlie come to Adam. The Sinners, rightfully, didn't want anything to do with the general who led the Exorcists. He couldn't blame the harsh reactions. Who knows what they had lost at Adam's hands. He was lucky they didn't attack on sight.
"Good work today, Adam." Lucifer wasn't being one hundred percent genuine, but there was a real compliment buried under his annoyance. "You only insulted my daughter *most* of the time."
"Fuck off, I feel like shit." Adam glowered at him as they headed back toward the mansion.
"Yeah, not surprising." Lucifer didn't feel like telling Adam: *it only gets worse from here, would be helpful in motivating him. "Maybe you can relax when we get back, after you finish cleaning, of course."
"Not happening." Adam rubbed his eyes, he looked *exhausted. Not that anyone in Hell ever looked chipper and well rested- aside from Lucifer's darling daughter- but there was no denying that Adam looked *sick. (And that was ignoring his- half- pasty Sinner complexion.)
"Figured I would try." Lucifer gave a little shrug. "You're really not much of a maid, if I'm being honest."
"Because I'm not your fucking maid."
"Yeah, not a good one at all. I am going to have to talk to your references."
"I should have been security."
"That's Lysander's job, you know that." Lucifer smiled at the absurdity of the idea. "Plus, you hate me. Why would I put you in charge of security? You would be handing weapons out at the front door and offering a power point presentation of all my weaknesses."
"I mean... that's fair." Adam gave a little shrug. "Except I am not the best with technology, which wasn't so much a problem in Heaven because everything just kind of adapts to you and is just incredibly easy to use- but I will tell you I have been shit at it in Hell. I don't even think the phone in my room works at all." Lucifer didn't have the energy or desire to explain to Adam that the reason his phone wasn't working was less that Adam was just innately bad with technology (which he might be, Lucifer hadn't seen him try enough to know for sure) and more that Adam had ripped the phone out of the wall while in a delusional state. (Though the fact that Adam had yet to realize it wasn't plugged in didn't bode well for the future.) "So maybe instead if a power point, I would just like, give out pamphlets."
"See? This is why you aren't doing security." Lucifer mused. "Also, before you get any ideas about passing out those pamphlets anyway, I should remind you that your safety is directly tied to me. If I go down, you are at Hell's mercy, and if the Sinners were merciful, they wouldn't be down here. So, proceed with caution."
"Oh, I hate that."
"Good. I'm glad you hate it." Lucifer hated it too because it meant protecting Adam, but at least it made Adam miserable, and that knowledge brought Lucifer a small spark of joy.
"Fine, so no murder pamphlets, but I am not fucking cleaning."
"Yeah, I really don't expect you to. So, you not cleaning is not the great act of protest that you think it is."
"Your house is a disaster; you would need my whole fucking army to clean it."
"Are you volunteering them? Because yeah it might be a little weird to have Exorcists at my house picking things up off the floor, but I'm not really *opposed* to the idea."
"I wasn't volunteering them; I was insulting you."
"Well don't insult me with the promise of extra help. I mean, you'd be the one having to split your paycheck with all of them. But I would give you a bonus for efficiency."
"The Exorcists aren't coming to clean your fucking house."
"Right, because you don't want to share your pay. I get that."
"No. No one is cleaning your goddamn house!"
"I don't know why you sound so upset when you're the one who suggested it." Should Lucifer have been a little easier on Adam given the situation? Probably. But Adam didn't seem to like it when Lucifer showed him any kind of empathy or pity. In fact, it had quite the opposite effect and seemed to just upset him more. Plus, Lucifer wasn't exactly Adam's biggest fan, and he could only bite his tongue for so long before a stream of mockery just sort of tumbled out of his mouth.
"You know goddamn well I didn't suggest shit to you."
"Oh look! We're here." Lucifer ignored Adam's irritation and walked along the pathway up to his door. "Now you run along and get to dusting. I have work to do." Lucifer opened the door and waved Adam along. The First Man simply flipped up his middle finger and stalked off toward his room. That was all well and good. Lucifer had more important things to do, and Adam would just get in the way. (Not to mention, he had actually made progress, which was mostly just shocking. Lucifer couldn't imagine that Adam felt great.)
Lucifer had to go to the west wing again, though not to the hidden room, just to another, forgotten office that held different, less dangerous artifacts that Lucifer had long ago neglected. These were all important, sure, but not necessarily important to the Devil who owned them. The room had gathered dust in the years since he had last used it- it had to be at least five since he had last stumbled in here. It was a shame the maid wasn't allowed in the West Wing because damn if this place didn't need cleaning. (Not that Adam *would* clean it, but that was beside the point.)
The King of Hell sighed as he surveyed how crowded this room had gotten. It was less an archive of important objects, and more a junk-filled storage chamber. And somewhere in here was the item he needed. Damn, Heaven would be riding his ass if they knew he had to actually look for the fucking thing. It was supposed to be displayed in a '*safe place of great importance', but that was a waste of fucking time and energy. And really, Lucifer had no desire to have to look at the fucking thing every day. It was tacky and clashed with his *incredibly* stylish decor.
He moved some objects around, trying not to get too much dust on him as he tried to locate the item in question. It had to be around somewhere, and it wasn't like the thing was small. It was actually about the size of a door. So, it wasn't as if the thing could hide. It was just a matter of figuring out where it had gotten buried. He really needed to think about cleaning up this room a bit, but that was a problem for future Lucifer. Right now, he was on a mission.
There was a soft *clink* under the heel of his boot as if it had struck glass, and he immediately pulled back. He started shoving items aside as he saw exactly what he was looking for, flat on the floor practically invisible beneath the pile of artifacts that had stacked up above it. Fucking finally!
Lucifer grabbed the gilded edges of his target and started pulling it out from its impromptu tomb. He dragged it toward the exit, no need to use it in this filthy room. He could put it in his workshop. He would just need to make some room. Once he had it free, he teleported, with his item, to the new, temporary destination.
He found a nearby wall and placed his newly found item against it. It looked like a mirror, beautiful silvery glass surrounded by expertly crafted golden framing. It was truly an ornate piece, but it was also tacky as fuck because Heaven had created it. It was like they were allergic to style, Upstairs. All the more reason that Lucifer was better off down below. He frowned as he noticed a crack along the bottom. Fuck. Hopefully it still worked. He really should have been more careful with the stupid fucking thing. He probably wouldn't get a second one, or if he did, it would be accompanied by a long-ass lecture and hateful stares.
Nope. He wasn't ready to deal with any of that bullshit. Not today, not ever.
Lucifer shoved most of his ducks to the side to create the illusion of cleanliness in the area the mirror reflected. No fucking way he would let them see the disaster in which he was living. He wouldn't give them the satisfaction. He placed his hand to the glass, and it began to glow, the mirror becoming consumed with light until a silhouette appeared. The light died down and Lucifer stood face to face with Sera, her expression serene, hands folded gently in her lap.
"Greetings Lucifer." Polite as always.
"I need to talk to Raphael." This was it. The Heaven Phone- poorly named since it was really more like a mirror- but Lucifer hadn't been in charge of the name.
"Raphael is not taking calls at the moment." She didn't bat an eye.
"It's *important, Sera. You know I don't call unless it's life or death."
"One hundred years ago you called us to ask if our refrigerator was running."
"Okay, but that was funny. Back then that joke was still new. I basically invented it." Lucifer was wasting his time preaching comedy to a fucking angel. He rolled his eyes putting both hands on his cane. "Fine, if Raphael is busy, let me talk to Hippolyta." One of Raphael highest ranking Seraphim would do in a pinch. In fact, it might even be preferable since he hadn't talked to one of the Big Four since he had Fallen, and he was more than keen to keep it that way.
"Hippolyta is currently attending to business and is not taking calls."
"Florence?" In Lucifer's memory, Florence had been just as high up in Raphael's medical hierarchy as Hippolyta.
"Unavailable."
"Are you fucking serious? Go get them. This is important medical information, Sera. Raphael's angels are going to want to know!"
"I cannot interrupt them. But if it is so urgent, I will gladly take notes and bring them to Raphael myself. He can call you back if he feels it necessary." Sera was polite about it, but Lucifer could tell she was purposefully avoiding putting him into contact with the others. Most likely by the request of the other Seraphim. Lucifer wasn't exactly *popular* in Heaven and he doubted any of the high ups actually wanted to deal with him- important intel or not. Sera was about the only one who would talk to him anymore. He gave a defeated sigh. There was no winning this.
"Fine. But this is really something for Raphael's staff, not Gabriel's, so please make sure it gets to the right Seraphim." He took a deep breath. "Adam is here and he has the Corruption." There it was... all out in the open.
"..." Sera stared at him for a moment. Lucifer really had expected more of a reaction from such big news. It's not like Sera didn't know what Corruption was, she was old enough to remember.
"D... did you hear what I said?"
"Adam... who? There are many Adams in this life and the next."
"*Adam*, Adam. The First Man? Calls himself the Dickmaster despite his unimpressive size? Cain, Abel, and Seth's dad?"
"Adam is dead, Lucifer."
"No fucking shit, bitch. Yeah, I know, I was there. He doesn't know it, and I would *not* bring that up if you see him. It doesn't go well for anyone." Lucifer sighed. "But turns out, he got better, you know how contracts work, which he did break by the way. So, he Fell, capital F, and now he's my fucking problem. But all of this is kind of minor compared to the other part of my big reveal? Remember? He's Corrupted? Big C? Now that I am saying this out loud, we should really diversify our angelic lexicon because differentiating words based solely on capital letters can get confusing when we talk."
"Adam... is with you?" Sera seemed to be ignoring Lucifer's suggestions in favor of focusing on his original point. "No offense, but that seems unlikely."
"No, no, no, no, no, he's definitely here. It's been my pain the ass since arrived like three... four days ago?" It was actually hard to remember, the past few days had all been running together.
"And you have proof of this?"
"Really?" Lucifer glared at her. Sure, he was called the *Prince of Lies* by some, but that didn't mean that he would lie about something important like this.
"I am sorry, I mean no ill will, but it just seems... hard to believe."
"Ugh." Lucifer rolled his eyes. "You're really gonna make me do this, aren't you?" He picked his cane up, "Stay." He pointed his cane at the mirror. "Stay right there." And with that he vanished, reappearing in the room Adam had claimed. He saw the First Man lying face-first on the bed, looking ready to doze off. Lucifer tapped him with his cane. "Get up, I need you."
"Huh?" Adam looked up sleepily, he seemed a little out of it, given he hadn't immediately sat up and spit out an insult.
"I need you, come on." Lucifer slid the apple topper of his cane beneath the collar of Adam's angelic robe and lifted him up. Adam immediately started to flail, the wings popping out so fast Lucifer was smacked in the face with white feathers.
"HEY PUT ME DOWN!"
"Let's get going, bitch boy. I have need of you." Lucifer lowered him back on his feet. Adam immediately jumped back, away from him, giving the Devil an angry look. He wrapped his wings around himself, hunkering down.
"Need me *for what?"
"Oh, don't be so skeptical. It's for a fucking meeting, dumbass. I think you'd actually want to be there for it."
"Meeting?" Adam still looked unsure, "is it your eleven o'clock? Because it's like... six... ish..."
"Huh, Syn told you about that too? No. I'm not going to that one on principle at this point. This is a meeting with your old employer, the Up Top."
"Heaven!?" Adam's wings flared back out, this time with excitement. "Fuck yeah I'll go! They can finally take me home!"
"I wouldn't hold too tightly to that idea, Adam." That was one reason Lucifer hadn't wanted to drag Adam to his little conference; despite predicting they would want proof of his arrival. (The other reason, of course, was that Adam was obnoxious and he really didn't need him *hovering* while Lucifer tried to have a serious conversation.)
"What are you waiting for!? Let's fucking go!"
"This way," Lucifer lead him out of the bedroom and back to the workshop. "And do me a favor and try not to touch anything. Or mention the ducks."
"No promises." Adam shrugged. Lucifer was already regretting his decision as he opened the door to where Sera was waiting on the other side of the glass. "Sera!" Adam ran forward, putting his hands against the glass, Lucifer immediately brought his hand to his own face, slowly dragging it down. His *don't touch anything* warning had apparently fallen on deaf ears. "Holy fuck it's you!"
"Adam..." Sera brought her hand to the glass, her other hand covering her mouth, eyes wide- even the eyes in her hair and halo had opened in horror upon seeing him. "Oh Adam... what happened to you?"
"No idea, I just woke up like this." Adam shook his head. "But you can fix it! Right? It's Wednesday and I have missed a lot of my lunches with Abel, so if I can just go on back that would be-"
"Adam, you poor soul..." Sera lowered the hand over her mouth and brought it to where her heart would be if she were a human. "You cannot return to Heaven in such a state."
"I am pretty sure this is a misunderstanding. I served Heaven. I have been a good man. I deserve to go back. I *have* to go back."
"I am so, *so* sorry, Adam, my child. I have no idea how such a fate has befallen you..." Sera had tears in her eyes.
"He's Corrupted, Sera. I would show you the black blood, but it takes a while and seeing you has already made Adam antsy." Lucifer didn't really feel like stressing Adam out anymore, knowing how his emotions could worsen his mental and physical state. "So, you'll have to trust me. I'm guessing he picked it up in Purgatory. No telling how long he has had it, so you best check anyone he's in close contact with just to be sure it isn't spreading. I would focus on the Exorcists."
"An excellent suggestion, Lucifer." Sera nodded her head gravely, though her gaze was still on Adam. "However, those are decisions that Raphael should be making. I will relay your recommendations."
"You can help me! Right? Let me talk to Raph." Adam was getting stressed, just as Lucifer feared. "Let me go Upstairs with you guys so I can get better..."
"Adam, I will relay all this directly to Raphael, I am sure he will come up with something." Sera's voice was calming, despite the sadness in her eyes. "But you cannot come up here. Even if this is a misunderstanding and you belong back with us- if you have an illness... Heaven will only mask the symptoms. You... might be better off where you are..."
"Let me talk to Raph!" Adam insisted a tad more forcefully.
"I will let him know the situation." Sera kept completely calm.
"Listen I know he's n-" Adam started to say something but all of Sera's eyes opened at once and she gave him a look.
"Adam, you are going to exacerbate your condition if you keep stressing. Why do you not take a seat and let Lucifer and I finish talking?"
"Take it easy." Lucifer hesitantly put his hands on Adam's shoulders, pulling him back, away from the image of Sera. "You've already had a long day; you don't need to make things worse."
"You have done so much for us Adam, I will talk to Michael and plead a case for your return. And I will alert Raphael to your possible condition." Sera looked empathetic, staring down at Adam, her expression soft, one hand still on the glass. Adam put his silhouetted hand against the glass so that his palm was against Sera's. Her hand made his look so small in comparison, especially since he had lost his angelic size-shifting abilities leaving Adam no larger than he was as a man.
"Can I at least talk to Seth and Abel?"
"Adam..." her eyes cast their gaze downward. "... no."
"But they have to be worried! At least let me tell them I'm okay! I-"
"*Are* you okay Adam? You're in Hell... Fallen from grace... you might be sick with something that could *endanger* your sons. You know they would both come running to your aid if they knew. And then what, Adam? What fate would befall them? Would you want them to forgo the comforts and safety of Heaven to come running to your side? Haven't they, especially *Abel, suffered enough for your mistakes?"
"But..."
"I am sorry my child, but they are better off not knowing the truth. When these things are settled, and if it is determined you are still divine, then you can open your arms to them up here."
"Come on Sera, it wouldn't hurt just to let him say hi to his kids..." Lucifer never thought he would be arguing on Adam's behalf, but he hadn't seen the First Man look so crestfallen since he had died. He lowered his voice. "Things didn't exactly go great for him when he reunited with Cain."
"Cain is a murderer who robbed Adam of his youngest son." Sera did not keep her voice down, and Adam was still right beside the mirror.
"Don't fucking talk about Cain like that!"
"Adam, temper." Sera did not so much as raise her voice. Her hand fell away from the mirror and back into her lap. "The sin of wrath is already consuming you... it pains me to see you like this... breaks my heart."
"I think this conversation needs to end." Lucifer cleared his throat. Adam was beyond stressed by this point, bordering on having another episode.
"I will relay your concerns to the Archangels, Lucifer. You have my word. They will contact you if and when they see fit." Sera didn't fight him. Knowing the Arch's, Lucifer wouldn't hear shit, so he wouldn't keep his hopes up. At least he had fucking tried. "Good day to you, your majesty."
"Good day and thank you for absolutely nothing." Lucifer tapped the mirror and the image of Sera disappeared. He immediately turned to Adam. "Sorry about all that, why don't you go back to sleep?"
"Did you hear her!?" Adam was *livid. "The fucking audacity of that bitch!"
"Yeah, that's Heaven for you. They raise some good points, but they won't even let you argue your side. They know best. Fucking assholes." Lucifer tried to keep his tone light; he didn't want to push Adam over the edge.
"After everything I have done for them, for *her. And they won't even let me talk to my fucking sons!? And did you HEAR what she said about Cain!? My Cain!?"
"They do hold grudges up in Heaven, speaking from experience."
"I just can't believe she would *do* this! What ever happened to the *Oh no Adam, you have to Adam. We Need you, Adam! This is fucking bullshit!"
"Wait... what are you talking about?" Lucifer was quickly losing track of Adam's train of thought.
"Next time you *need* something from me Heaven, you can suck my HOLY DICK!"
"Who needed what?" This was the first time Adam had ever mentioned anything like this, and Lucifer wasn't sure if this was insight into something, or just another deluded rant. Adam could quickly disconnect from reality, and Lucifer had no way of knowing if he was genuinely recollecting, or if his mind was creating an event that had never taken place. Unfortunately, Adam wasn't the most reliable narrator.
"When they needed-" Adam cut off suddenly, his eyes rolled back in his head.
"FUCK!" Lucifer darted forward and managed to grab him before his head smacked into the work bench. Adam was rigid, he started convulsing in the Devil's grip. Lucifer carefully laid him on his back. He conjured up a pillow to place under the Sinner's head. Adam's convulsions worsened for a moment before he finally relaxed. "Adam...?" Lucifer called his name. He could see blood dripping from Adam's nose, but he seemed otherwise unharmed. "Adam... can you hear me...?"
"Ugh..." Adam made a noise of discomfort. Relief washed over Lucifer. Adam was talking, that was a good sign. "I feel like I've been trampled..."
"Do you remember anything we were talking about?"
"I remember talking to Sera... and she was being a real fucking bitch. Unless... I dreamed that." Adam blinked, his eyes were still a bit hazy, but it seemed like he was back to his old, awful self.
"No, that happened. Can you stand up?"
"Fucking Sera." Adam shifted, but rather than getting into a sitting position, he flopped over. "This is her fault. Or your fault. Both. You're in cahoots."
"Come on," Lucifer rolled his eyes. Yeah, Adam seemed fine. "You're gonna get blood on my floor if you flop around like that." He put a hand under Adam's arms and helped lift him into a sitting position.
"It's just like... why wouldn't she do more? Why couldn't she just fucking fix me?"
"That's not how Corruption works. If there was a be-all-end-all cure, I would have used it by now." Lucifer understood the frustration. Being let down by Heaven for the first time could really shake up a man's world view. "They're doing their best."
"She could have at least let me see my fucking kids." Adam grumbled. "I mean, are they just gonna think I'm dead? I went for an Extermination and just never came back? That's fucked up."
"Yeah, it kinda is." Lucifer looked toward the exit, "I can probably get you back to your room."
"I don't need your fucking help. I can..." Adam stopped talking. Just mid-sentence. It was as if someone abruptly cut the sound. Lucifer started to turn his head when he felt a sharp, pinching pain in the side of his neck. His eyes looked in the now reflective, mirror surface of the Heaven phone. Lucifer's mouth went dry as he saw Adam, eyes completely clouded and blank, teeth sinking into Lucifer's neck.
"FUCKING SHIT!" Lucifer immediately shoved Adam away, racing toward the mirror.
"Ah!" And just like that Adam seemed back to normal. He had never changed personalities so fucking quickly before Lucifer didn't know it was even possible. "Why'd you push me, jackass!?"
"You BIT me!"
"No, I didn't." Adam ran his tongue over his teeth. "Though my mouth does taste kinda funny..."
"Because you FUCKING *BIT* ME!" Lucifer examined the wound in the mirror, his mind racing. He could see the puncture wounds in the semicircular shape of a human bite. (It appeared Adam did, in fact, have teeth on the whited-out side of his mouth. They just couldn't be seen through the unnatural glow. Well, that was a fun fact.) Lucifer wiped the small streams of golden blood away with his black glove. Fuuuuuck. This was bad. This was RFEALLY bad. This was-
Lucifer's mind stopped racing as he watched his natural healing kick in. The bites immediately closed up.
Oh. Never mind. This was fine.
"That's bad... right?" Adam was still struggling to get up.
"It's fine." Lucifer showed him the white of his neck where the bite had once been. "Like I said, I'm immune."
"Well, aren't you just fucking special."
"I really am." Lucifer grinned at him. "Now let's get you back to your room. But this time, we're using safety precautions."
"Safety wh-" Adam was cut off as a muzzle appeared over his mouth. He glowered up at Lucifer. "Oh, come the fuck on."
A/N: Our first use of the Heaven Phone! Also, this is just super funny but when I was writing this my autocorrect- just once- tried to change Adam to a dumb and I got a lot of amusement out of that. I am just so happy you guys are liking this story so far! We're still in the early stages of it. It's still got a lot to cover. So I hope you don't mind hanging out for a while!