The days in the hospital passed monotonously. After six days lying there, Derek was bored and tired. He had memorized every detail of the room: the white frames of the windows and doors, the number of lights, how many buttons there were on the remote control, the white curtains, and the artificial flowers on the window sill.

There were three abstract paintings aligned next to the television that always caught his attention. Did they perhaps have a surrealistic style? Or maybe it was fauvism? He didn't remember much from his high school art classes, but those paintings were really ugly and not suitable for a hospital room. Just like the color of the walls. Who came up with the idea of painting the walls in a dark green tone? He preferred the blue walls of the intensive care unit.

He sighed, releasing a frustrated murmur. The first rays of light shone through the blinds, a sign that the daily routine was about to begin.

First, a nurse entered at six o'clock to check his vital signs, change the medication drip, and perform an electrocardiogram.

Then, at seven, they brought breakfast. A lemon infusion, a vanilla yogurt, and some bran toast with fruit. Sometimes they would switch the yogurt for a gelatin, or the infusion for an orange juice. Either way, he felt that all the food tasted the same: bland. He was prohibited from adding salt, sweeteners, or any dressings he could think of.

Around eight in the morning, rounds of the rooms began. Teddy would come to check on him along with some of her residents, making sure everything was fine, and then give the daily medical report to the family.

Visiting hours began at nine. His mother and sisters had returned to New York the day before, so now only Addison and Olive would come to see him. Well, Olive wouldn't come in the morning anymore, since he had made her go to kindergarten. He didn't want her to continue accumulating absences because of him.

Between ten in the morning and noon, he usually took a nap. The morning was never very interesting, and he preferred to rest once the visits were over.

At twelve-thirty, lunch was brought in. Salads, steamed meats, hard-boiled eggs, purees, and chicken broths. Some fruit for dessert, usually varying between orange, apple, or banana, and if he was lucky, another gelatin. Then around six in the evening, dinner. Which was generally similar to lunch.

The constant sound of cardiac monitors and the voices of nurses and doctors in the hallway were his only company in his loneliness. It was fun to listen to the gossip in the corridor. He had worked at that hospital for over seven years, yet he had acquired more information about his colleagues in those days inpatient, than in his whole working life there.

Percy and Reed were dead. April was organizing a funeral for her colleagues. Cristina had operated on him, even with a gun pointed at her head. And now she wanted to marry Owen, just for having survived such an attack. Meredith would be the maid of honor along with Callie. Bailey was trapped in a love triangle between the anesthetist, Ben Warren, and the nurse Eli Lloyd. Izzie Stevens had disappeared after the battle she fought against cancer and sent the divorce papers to Karev by mail. He, in turn, had been transferred to Seattle Pres because of a gunshot wound. He was in a relationship with Lexie, making Mark jealous once again. Mark was with Teddy, or at least he thought so. Because she was only using him to have hot sex. She liked the new psychiatrist who had entered last month.

However, despite not getting bored listening to the lives of others, it didn't compare to the cheerful noise of his home. Like an echo in his mind, Olive and Arleth's shouts, their laughter, their crying, kept playing over and over again. Yes, he even missed not being able to sleep because of the baby's cries... he missed having them always by his side. It hurt not having his family by his side in those difficult moments.

"Hey..." Addison said, appearing at Derek's door, making him forget his thoughts.

"Hey, Addie. I missed you yesterday."

"I missed you too... Olive wanted to say goodbye to your mother and sisters... I had to take her to the airport. After that, Arleth got upset, and I preferred to go home so she could rest... I should've let you know I wouldn't come, I'm sorry."

"Don't worry... I was with Mark. It seems she's dating my doctor."

"Your doctor? You mean Teddy?"

"It seems so..."

"Oh... I didn't know that..."

"I hope that brings me some benefits. Maybe I could ask her to sign my discharge early to go home, I'm her boyfriend's best friend," he joked.

"I don't think that's how benefits work..." she said as she took Derek's medical history to read the observations his doctors had made that day.

"Everything is fine. Better than ever..." he said, seeing Addison frown with concern as she read.

"Have you still not walked?" she looked at him, puzzled.

"No, well... technically, I walk. I walk to the bathroom..."

"Derek, you have to go for a walk in the hallways. You've been in bed for six days, your muscles will atrophy from always being in the same position."

"Don't be dramatic, Addison. That won't happen."

"Come on, come here," she said as she shifted his sheets, uncovering him abruptly.

"Hey! I'm cold. It's winter..."

"Walking will warm you up. Sit while I look for your shoes."

"Addie, seriously, I don't feel like walking. My whole body hurts. I'm tired, understand."

"Is that the same way you understood when I said I was tired of being forty weeks pregnant? You made me go up and down the stairs again and again to induce labor."

"It's different..."

"I had a belly of almost eight pounds, hours of accumulated insomnia, swollen ankles, and I did it anyway. Oh, and it was winter too."

Derek sighed irritably. He knew Addison was right, but the fact that all his colleagues saw him in such a vulnerable state in the hallways was embarrassing. There couldn't be anything more uncomfortable than seeing your chief in a hospital gown.

Gently, Addison adjusted the drip, stood in front of Derek, and instructed him on how to put his arms around her neck. Carefully, she helped him to his feet, feeling his weight on her arms and shoulders.

"I'm here with you, Der. You don't have to worry," she reassured him with a calming voice, "hold onto the IV pole."

Derek, feeling clumsy and weak, clung to the pole and began to take small steps with Addison, never letting go. Walking was much more difficult than he had imagined. The pain in his body intensified with each step, his legs shook, and his breathing became labored. He felt his muscles tense and protest against the effort.

"You're doing great, honey," Addison smiled at him.

"I'm going to fall," he exclaimed in a groan.

"You won't fall, keep going..."

The noise of the crowded hallways and the curious glances of his coworkers increased Derek's discomfort. His pride was hurt by showing himself in such a vulnerable and dependent state. However, he knew he needed to overcome his ego and accept Addison's help if he wanted to fully recover.

"Can we go back now? I'm going to have another heart attack," he said when the fatigue was starting to win.

"Not yet. We haven't even been walking for ten minutes, stop complaining."

"Cut me some slack."

"Rest will be at night, Derek."

"Oh, you're really getting back at me for the stairs."

~•~

"You know that at some point you will have to go back to work, Amelia..." Ryan said in a tired voice. It wasn't the first time he had insisted on the topic.

"That moment won't be now. Not tomorrow, nor the day after tomorrow."

"When are you going to talk about what happened?"

"I don't like to talk. I prefer to save energy to do other things..." she said, leaning her mouth to his to kiss him.

"Why don't you want to go see your brother?" he asked, moving away from her a little.

"Did I ever ask you why you don't want to see your family? You hide from them in this apartment for months. Why should I go with him if you don't go with yours? I don't even know if you have siblings."

"I have an older brother... he's a lawyer. He works in a law firm in Washington. I haven't seen him in three years..."

"Why?"

"He doesn't want to see his brother, the drug addict, snorting cocaine at a family gathering. He's busy with his life... his wife, his kids. He did everything right in this life and is the pride of my parents. He was top of his class and received awards at all the institutions he studied in. He founded his law firm at 25... He married Sarah at 27, the perfect woman... she's a diplomat. They had three kids that looked like her... she's blonde and tall, super tall, with thin, toned legs. She has the longest and silkiest hair I've ever seen... whereas me..."

"Whereas you're just with another addict like you, I understand. There's no need for you to keep talking."

"You're not like me. You're a damn neurosurgeon. You're the smartest person I've ever met in my life."

"But my hair isn't blond and silky, nor are my legs..."

"To hell with that. You're perfect just the way you are. I love your brown hair and blue eyes. Your gaze's penetrating and seductive."

"Is it?"

"Yeah, it makes you very sexy."

"Tell me more."

"You're a sexy neurosurgeon..." he whispered in her ear, seductively, "and I can't wait to see you in action..."

"Wanna see me in action?" she said, gently biting his lower lip.

"I want..."

"Oh, then I can show you..." Amelia put both hands on his belt buckle.

"I wanna see you cutting into a brain live..."

"Huh?"

"With a scalpel in your hands..."

"What are you saying?" she asked, moving away from him, confused.

"Go back to work, Amelia."

"Screw you, Ryan. All you want is for me not to lose my job so you can continue getting drugs for free."

Amelia quickly got up from the bed and started getting dressed, angry.

"It's not why I want you to come back. I want you not to ruin your entire life over this!" he said, trying to grab her arm but she escaped his grip.

"My life is already ruined."

"Of course not! You have a promising future waiting for you. You have the possibility of going far in your field, of saving many people's lives..."

"Stop repeating that crap! I don't wanna go there!"

"Why not? Unlike me, no one forced you to leave!"

"I don't want to see my brother in that hospital bed! I'm not strong enough to see that. Okay? I can't!" she exclaimed, holding back tears.

"Why couldn't you?"

"Because he's the most important man in my life and I can't see him die. Do you understand? I don't want to be there when Derek dies!"

"But why do you think he's gonna die?"

"'Cause everyone I love leaves me. Derek... Derek was shot in the heart, he... he was dead for a few minutes and... I'm a doctor, I know the chances of recovery are slim and..."

"You're getting ahead of yourself. You're assuming things."

"I don't assume. I'm a doctor. I go by statistics and... the percentage of people who survive a bullet to the heart and don't have permanent damage is very low. I don't want to be there when he dies. I don't want to!"

"But you don't know if he's going to die! You should go there even if it's just to find out how he's doing. Or turn on your phone to send a message to your sister-in-law, or something. You can't keep living with this uncertainty!"

"I can and I will," she said, taking a blister of oxycodone from her nightstand drawer.

"It's only five in the afternoon..." Ryan muttered.

"Oh, then we could do teatime!" she pretended enthusiasm.

Amelia took out a couple of pills and placed them side by side on the table. Then she took the side table next to her and, with the bottom, began to hit them hard until they turned into powder. Then, using her hand as a shovel, she gathered all that powder and showed it to Ryan with a smile on her face.

"We have sugar already!"

~•~

The seventh day of Derek's hospitalization was beginning, and Addison, as she did every day, had arrived at the hospital to visit him as soon as visiting hours began.

She slowly entered the room and said, "Hey."

Derek smiled half-heartedly. He wasn't in a particularly good mood that day. He was starting to get more and more fed up with being there.

"Hi, Addie."

"Hi, Der. How have you been?"

"The same as always."

"Are you watching a movie?" she asked as she carefully sat on the edge of the bed.

"Yeah... it's not like I can do anything else."

"Mmm... you can change the channel if you don't like this one. Where's the remote control?"

"It's on the shelf, under the TV," he said, pointing to it. "The last nurse left it there and I didn't want to call her just to hand it to me."

Addison got up and went to get it, then she returned and sat back in the same place as before.

"What do you want to watch?" she asked.

"Nothing. I just wanna see you."

Addison gave an awkward smile and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

"How have you been, Addie?"

"Good. You know... missing you at home. I left Olive in the kindergarten and Arleth at the hospital's daycare..."

"You have no idea how desperate I am to leave this damn place and never come back," Derek said angrily.

"Hey, don't say that. Everyone here has been very kind and concerned about your health," Addison said with patience.

"I know... it's just that I don't want to be here anymore. I don't want to wake up and keep seeing these stupid snot-green walls. Who the hell chose this horrible color to paint all the walls? Only a real asshole could do this."

Addison sighed with patience. She understood that spending so many hours a day locked up there was increasing Derek's bad mood.

"I want to leave and never come back to this fucking hospital," Derek repeated angrily.

"Well, you will eventually have to come back. You work here, you're the chief, and..."

"I'm going to quit!"

"What are you saying, Derek?"

"What you heard. I'm going to resign from the chief position. Let some other idiot come and take my place because I'm not going to take charge of this damn hospital ever again. This is what I get for choosing what's best for a patient and then having her psycho husband start a shootout."

"Okay, I think it's better if you calm down and stop screaming like a freak. This will only raise your blood pressure."

"To hell with the blood pressure. I don't give a shit about the blood pressure!"

"Derek, you had a heart attack. Do you remember that? You were dead for 10 minutes in front of my eyes. Can you calm down, for God's sake? Don't force me to call a nurse to give you a tranquilizer."

Derek let out a frustrated sigh. He knew that Addison wouldn't hesitate to take the syringe and inject him if he didn't calm down.

"Damn, not even your daughters throw tantrums like this," she complained once they had both calmed down.

"I'm going to quit," Derek muttered, looking her in the eyes.

"You can't make this decision lightly. You need to take some time to think about it and..."

"I have plenty of time. All I do is think and think, and obsess over my thoughts. Do you think I haven't thought about it? Do you think I said it randomly? I want to resign, Addison."

"Derek..."

"Weren't you furious with my chief position? You hated it from the moment I took the job. You complained for weeks saying that I didn't spend time with you or with the girls. You accused me countless times of being a sexist, an absent and indifferent father, and you know what? You were right, damn it! I wasted five months of my life in this damn position that only brought me stress, paperwork, lawsuits, and a bullet to the heart! You were right, Addison! Aren't you happy? I'm admitting that I was wrong and you were right."

"I'm not happy to 'be right', as you say. I wished your chief position had been different, at another time in our lives with the girls a little older and more independent. But I ended up accepting it. We ended up adapting our lives so that you could fulfill your dream. And now you want to throw it all away? Can you please think for a moment about everything you are about to resign from?"

"I'm not throwing it all away, I'm not resigning as a neurosurgeon. Our life will return to how it was before Arleth was born."

"Our life will never be the same as it was before Arleth was born."

"You understand what I mean. I'll be the head of neuro again, you'll be the head of your departments again. We'll forget that I was ever the chief of surgery and that's it. Let's continue with our lives as before. Why does that bother you so much?"

"It bothers me because I had to sacrifice many things for you to be the chief. I had to sacrifice hours of sleep, work, surgeries... I had to stay at home 24 hours a day with the girls and..."

"Okay, I acknowledge it and I appreciate it. You made a great effort, you were the best mother. Now you can go back to work and continue being the best surgeon in your field. Stop thinking about what happened and start thinking about what's to come. The chief position is overrated. We are doctors, we are supposed to study for years to save lives. Not to fill out the paperwork! Not to attend board meetings dressed in suits to debate the budget for cotton balls! I want to operate on people, I want to save lives! You should support me in this decision."

"I support you, Derek. I've always supported you in everything... it's just that... I'd like you to consider me for once when making your decisions. I'd like you to consult with me, to listen to my opinion... so we can make the decision together. We are a marriage, that's what this is about."

"I am informing you right now. I haven't sent my resignation letter to the medical board."

"Okay, you're right."

"I want you to support me, Addie. Please. I saw death with my own eyes. I was about to lose everything in a matter of seconds... I was so afraid that I would never be able to see the girls again, that I would never be able to see your beautiful eyes again... life is giving me another chance to live it and I don't want to waste it sitting in my office signing paperwork. I want to go back to the OR, I want to save lives, and I want to be excited about complex cases again. I want to have more free time to see my daughters grow up. I can't believe that Arleth has turned five months old! I spent more time in meetings than holding my daughter in my arms. I don't want that. I don't want to miss out on the best thing I have."

"Der..."

"Maybe this tragedy was the blow I needed to see all this, to reorganize my priorities and realize the true value of life... now I know what I want. I want to play in the woods with the girls, I want to teach Arley to climb trees, just like I did with Olive. I want to go camping by the light of the moon, lighting colored candles on the mountains. I want to have bonfires and eat marshmallows while telling scary stories. I want to travel the world and go to the snow and the beach. I want to ride the tallest roller coasters in Disneyland or dive into the depths of the ocean. I want to eat chocolate ice cream with Olive until it feels like it's coming out of my nose, and pretend I didn't notice the dinner time when you scolded us for it."

Addison smiled when she heard those last words.

"Do you remember that time, when we barely knew each other, that I told you there was something inside me that told me that you were, are, and will be, the woman of my life? I don't want a single day of my life to go by without telling you and showing you how important and special you are to me, Addie. I want to kiss you until my lips burn from the touch. I want to get intoxicated with the scent of your body. I want us to make love so many times in the same night that you lose count of the number of orgasms you had. I want you to leave me breathless. I want to fall asleep exhausted by your side and wake up the next day with the first thing my eyes see being your silhouette next to me. I want much more of all that... I want us to have more."

"More?"

"I want us to have another baby, Addie," he said with a smile on his lips.

"Derek, you're delusional," she whispered nervously, feeling the tears threaten to burst from her eyes.

"Think about it for a moment. Wouldn't it be great? Olive would be excited about the idea."

"N-..."

"I need you to understand this decision, Addie. I'm pretty sure when I say that I no longer want to be chief. It's not a random decision, and it's not something I'll regret later. Please, I need your support..."

Addison took a deep breath to swallow the lump in her throat that threatened to break her in half.

"I support you, Derek..."

~•~

Addison arrived home completely exhausted. The fact of going to the hospital every day to see Derek was emotionally draining, and she barely had energy for the basics right now.

She prepared a quick dinner with some things she had in the fridge, bathed Olive, and got her ready for bed. Since Derek was in the hospital, she slept with both girls in her bed. She needed to have them close, especially at night when her thoughts began to invade her mind.

It had only been a week since the miscarriage, and it felt like it had been two minutes ago. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw the same images replaying in her head. Her legs covered in blood, the exam room, her legs in the stirrups, the empty ultrasound on the screen.

"I can't find a heartbeat," she could hear her colleague's voice.

She never got to hear it anyway. She never got to know exactly how many weeks she was. She guessed at least seven or eight, based on the symptoms she had and the amount of blood she had lost. She wanted to wait to tell Derek to have the first ultrasound...

Derek...

"I want us to have another baby, Addie," that sentence kept echoing in her brain since she said goodbye to him...

Of course, Derek would want it... He would have been so happy if he had known. They all would have been so happy if they still had the baby after the tragedy.

Amelia had insisted several times that she talk to Derek, and she had refused...

She felt so guilty for not sharing the news with him when she first found out... if she had told him earlier, she probably wouldn't have had to go to the hospital that day to tell him.

She probably wouldn't have lost it if she had started with prenatal care since she found out... maybe in the end it was her fault after all.

"I'm so sorry, Addie," was the last word she heard from Amelia before she disappeared.

She missed her. She needed her more than ever. She was the only person who knew about the baby and the only one who could comfort her.

She wanted to convince herself that Amelia was okay, that she was just taking a break and was safe in Ryan's arms, but... What if it wasn't true? What if she really wasn't with him?

It had been seven days and she had not shown any signs of life. She wasn't working, she wasn't answering her phone. It was too strange that with the intense love she felt for her brother, she had never gone to see him in the hospital. She had never been interested in knowing how he woke up after surgery...

Knowing Amelia's history with substances, should she call the police to report her disappearance? Or worse, should she look in the morgues?

"WAHHHHHHHH!"

Arleth's sudden cry startled her and made her jump on the bed.

"Oh, Arley... come to Mommy."

She took her in her arms and began to rock her, but she kept crying with discomfort. Olive whimpered when she heard her, and to avoid waking her, Addison took the baby downstairs. She lay down with her on the living room couch to breastfeed her.

"You'll have Daddy's hair," she whispered as she played with the only brown curl on her little head, "and you'll have to steal all the products he uses to always have it perfect... although if he doesn't use anything, he still has beautiful hair... your dad is beautiful, just like you... and... I'd like to have a glass of wine right now, it's been so long since I've tasted a sweet red wine... maybe we could stop breastfeeding for a few weeks, just until I drown my thoughts in alcohol and make them disappear... and... hey, don't look at me like that, baby. I won't do it... it's just a joke..."

Arleth fell asleep shortly after eating, and Addison thought about a fruity Malbec wine from abroad that Derek had brought from a meeting weeks ago. She walked to the small wine cellar they had in the living room and took it in her hands.

She contemplated it in silence for a few minutes. It was beautiful. The dim lights in the room accentuated the red and purple hues of the wine, the label illustrations made in ink, and the fine silver-stamped details adorning the capsule.

The temptation was overwhelming. It was as if it was whispering in her ear to open it, and she wasn't exactly the strongest to deny it.

Without breaking eye contact with the bottle, she took a silver corkscrew from a drawer and opened it. The sound of the cork being pulled from the bottle was music to her ears. A sigh escaped from her lips as the intoxicating aroma of the wine filled her nostrils. The air was filled with fruity and spicy notes that promised a delight to the palate. It was as if the wine had patiently waited in its silver capsule for her to open it.

Maybe it wasn't just a joke after all...