Adam laid on his back, staring up at the blue sky above him. It was another perfect day in Eden, he could hear the birds singing, the water babbling in a nearby stream; the warmth of the sun washed over his body like a blanket of light. Even the grass beneath him was as soft as the finest feathers. This day was like every single one before it, and every one after for the rest of eternity. This was Paradise.
There was the sound of leaves stirring behind him. He smiled, it was probably one of the animals frolicking about, searching for sweet berries in the brush. He craned his neck to try and see behind him. "Enjoying the morning, too, are you?" He wouldn't mind a companion, be they furry, scaley, or feathery.
"Always~" the reply was a familiar voice and brought laughter to Adam's lips as an angel poked his head into Adam's field of vision. The Angel was leaning over him, golden eyes gleaming playfully.
"Good morning, Angel." Adam rolled from his back, onto his stomach so he could look up at the Angel kneeling in the grass before him. "Let me guess... Michael?" The gold eyes in the halos that surrounded the angel's oversized white hat all glared at the human indignantly.
"You know I'm not Michael! He's blue I'm gold."
"You're right, Raphael, I am so sorry!"
"Oh no!" The angel grinned, placing his hands on either side of Adam's cheeks, examining him closely, looking into the human's eyes. "The human has lost his ability to perceive color!" Adam stuck his tongue out in response.
"You're right, Gabriel!"
"The human cannot perceive size either! Perhaps he has lost his vision!" The golden wings fluttered. "I'll admit, I was suspicious when you called me Raphael, but Gabriel is much, MUCH bigger." The angel mimicked Adam's expression, poking his tongue out.
"I'm broken."
"Who broke you, human!?"
"It was Luciael! I was playing by the river yesterday and he pushed me in and I have lost my sight because of it." Adam grinned wider as the angel released his face, gasping, flying backward, hand over his chest, he spun in a little circle, before landing back in front of Adam, sitting in the air with his legs crossed, hands resting on his knees.
"How horrible! He will surely be punished."
"See? I knew you were Michael."
"You caught me." The angel landed in the grass, lying on his stomach across from Adam. He took his hat off and put it over Adam's face. "Since you're blind now, I don't suppose you'll need your eyes anymore, so I'll just cover them up."
"I haven't seen you in a while, Luci," Adam snatched the hat and put it over his own head. It was funny how the angels dressed so elegantly when Adam had no need for clothing. "I was starting to think you had gotten tired of visiting."
"Me? Never!" Luciael didn't try to retrieve his hat, instead, he reached over, poking Adam on his nose. "I've just been busy making more animals for you to name."
"That's fun! Can I help make one?"
"No, I don't think so. But my siblings and I have a bet going about whether we can stump you by making something really crazy!"
"Who did the anteater? Because I think they stole some ideas from the angel responsible for the elephant but made it way weirder."
"That was Uriel. Not really sure what got into her recently but she's been on an animals with weird tongues kick. Also, great naming on the anteater. That took you all week to think of huh? 'What does it do? Eat ants! Anteater! Done!' You really outdid yourself. Haven't seen you that creative since... uh... Yellow-Headed-Blackbird."
"What's wrong with being a little on the... well... I was going to say nose but-" Adam poked his tongue playfully out from between his teeth as he placed his finger on where Luciael's nose would be. "You try coming up with unique names all day."
"Seriously? You think I'm jealous of that lump of cartilage on your face?" Luciael scoffed, placing his own finger against Adam's nose and making it squish beneath his touch. Adam snorted, but it sounded a little funny given that his nose was under pressure. "It's nice enough, but if you want to see a real nose, I think the elephant has you beat."
"Hurtful."
"Sometimes the truth is painful, my human companion."
"I didn't think you were allowed to hurt my feelings." Adam kicked his feet up as they talked, the warm wind, the mild temperature, the serene setting... it all felt so perfect... but... Adam couldn't shake the feeling that something was out of place.
"I'm also not allowed to lie." Luciael smirked. The eyes in his halos widened for a moment, before narrowing, looking at Adam with concern. "Are you feeling alright, Adam?" He took his hand from Adam's nose, putting it against his cheek.
"Y... yeah..." Adam leaned into the touch. "It's just..." Something seemed... off, but he couldn't, for the life of him, figure out what it was. "Everything's perfect."
"It's Eden of course it is." Luciael's laugh was like bells ringing- all the angels sounded like that, but the others rarely laughed... Michael would laugh sometimes if Adam tried really hard. But it was much harder to get that chiming sound out of anyone other than the twins. "Come on, I want to show you something." Luciael got to his feet, kneeling slightly to offer his hand to the human on the ground to help him up.
"Is it the Tree of Knowledge? Because I'm not supposed to go near that..." Adam took the offered hand and was pulled to his feet as if he weighed nothing at all. Luciael let out another laugh, squeezing his hand gently as he pulled him along.
"No, of course not! That is off limits!"
"Okay, good." Relief washed over Adam almost instantly, but the feeling of unease grew steadily stronger. He squeezed Luciael's hand in return. He shouldn't feel so... unsettled. This was Eden. There was no pain... no fear... no doubt... but he was alone. Just he and the angels... shouldn't there be someone... else? Adam's head was filled with images, a woman smiling, laughing, her dark hair flowing in the wind. Her dark eyes would sparkle like the sky at night whenever the light hit them. Adam saw her in his mind and he was overwhelmed with a sudden, bitter sense of sadness- no... beyond sadness... grief? "H-Hey... Luciael?" Adam's grip tightened more as he looked around the garden uncertainly. "W... where's Evie?"
"Who?" Luciael's face turned to look back at Adam, though the eyes in the halos continued to look forward.
"Evie... my wife?"
"What are you talking about?" Luciael finally came to a stop by the edge of a rather vast, endless looking lake. At least... Adam assumed it was some kind of lake, but in all honesty, he couldn't see the other side at all. The water might have continued forever. "You're acting really funny today, Adam. Should I take you to see Raphael?"
"I... I don't know." Adam stopped walking as well. "I just... I think I'm a little confused about how I got here... how we got here..."
"We've always been here." the Angel insisted. He kept one hand holding Adam's, his other hand went back to the human's cheek. "Relax, I think you just had a very real dream." As the tips of Luciael's fingers brushed Adam's temple, he felt better.
"Y... yeah, maybe."
"I can take you to Raphael once we get back." Luciael started pulling Adam gently toward the water. "But we are so close to something really fun!"
"I... I don't think I can stay in the water a long time..." Adam waded about chest deep before stopping. Luciael should have been fully submerged, given his small size, but he must have been floating. "I mean, I can, but my head has to stay out here."
"It's fine." Luciael laughed.
"No... no, I don't think it is." Adam shook his head. "Raphael was very insistent that my head can only be under the water for a little bit."
"You're with me." Luciael's hand squeezed Adam's. He turned in the water to face him, guiding him in a little further so that Adam was in up to his neck, he could feet the gentle waves swell and hit his chin. Luciael smiled, putting a hand to his cheek once again. "Don't you trust me, Adam? I'll keep you safe. We're going to be really quick."
"I trust you..." Why wouldn't he? Adam knew the angels meant him no harm. Especially not Luciael, that was his friend. "But... Evie-"
"I don't know who that is." Luciael laughed, again, pulling Adam deeper into the water. "You're acting so weird Adam."
"Wait-" Adam started to try and pull back; water was lapping into his mouth as he attempted to speak. Luciael put a hand over his mouth.
"Shh, don't open your mouth so much. You'll get water in it."
"But Luciael I don't want to go-" Adam had to stop, taking a deep breath as he was pulled beneath the water. He could see the angel before him, glowing like a beacon, a warm, welcoming light falling deeper and deeper into the dark water, dragging Adam with him.
"Almost there!" Luciael assured him, facing Adam, falling backward, golden wings shining like the sun above. Adam had no choice but to follow, he swam toward him, using their clasped hands to pull himself forward until he could rest his head on Luciael's chest. He felt his hand get released, those arms wrapped around his back. "You're doing great, I've got you." His voice was gentle, reassuring, but Adam's chest was starting to hurt.
The First man made a noise of concern, though it was muffled beneath the water.
"Shhh, shhh, it's okay." Luciael's hands stroked his hair, trying to calm him. "I've got you. You're going to be okay." Despite the cool temperature of the water around him, Adam started to feel rather... hot. The sensation in his chest went from discomfort to an almost-burning. He needed to breathe. He needed to get his head above the water.
Adam started to push away, but Luciael's grip on him tightened.
"Now, come on. None of that." The angel's voice no longer sounded welcoming. The change in his grip was so abrupt that Adam released the breath he was holding. He tried to gasp, but water filled his mouth and chest. "We're almost there, don't start being dramatic now." Adam tried desperately to push away from the Angel dragging him beneath the water's surface. Luciael released him for a second, but as Adam tried to swim away, he felt those long, pale fingers wrap around his neck. The angel below him smiled, starting to squeeze. "You just had to make this difficult, didn't you?"
Adam tried to scream but more water flooded into his chest. He tried to pry those hands from around his throat, his nails cutting into his skin.
"I respect the fight in you, but this is something that needs to happen, I'm afraid." The Angel smiled as Adam felt his hands pulled back by unseen forces, the glow around Luciael had warped from something warm and comforting to something that was starting to make Adam's head spin. "It's nothing personal." The grip on his neck tightened. Adam was starting to lose focus, his vision kept fading, he was struggling to get any sort of breath. His ears were starting to ring, the sound was almost like music inside his head.
"You're..." Adam couldn't really talk but he could mouth the words as Luciael's form flickered before his eyes like the flame of a candle. "Not... Luciael..."
"I'll let you in on a little secret, Adam." The blinking image of the angel in front of him drew him close, their faces almost touching as the smirk on the once familiar countenance grew wider. "Neither... is... he~ Not anymore at least." Adam felt almost as if he were falling backward, toward the surface for just a moment, and the jittering image of the angel started to become less stable. "Ah, damnit." The hands squeezed tighter, and Adam thought he was going to black out. He felt his eyes starting to roll back. Then he felt something warm against his neck, replacing the tight, strangling grip of the false angel below him.
And then he was awake.
Adam shot up, grabbing his own neck with his hands. He felt his heart pounding. His eyes fell on Luciael- no... Lucifer. That was who was sitting in some weird, stupid looking chair at his bedside. Adam could barely think. "The fuck are you doing in my room, asshole!?" He immediately started coughing, trying desperately to catch his breath. Lucifer looked rather unnerved. He reached toward Adam who swatted his hand away quickly. He didn't like the idea of Lucifer being in his room. Especially after the First Man had been sleeping. There was a chance Adam would wake up with that fucking memory loss, and the last thing he needed was Lucifer to see him like that.
Fortunately,
That didn't seem to be the case for today.
"Are you... okay?" Lucifer looked rather... off put by Adam's appearance. The First Man tried to scoff but instead just kept coughing.
"I was just sleeping, dickwad."
"Right... but you were definitely in some kind of distress."
"It was a bad dream." Adam managed to get the words out before he had to grab the trash can beside the bed and vomited. It was not that foul-tasting black bile that he usually expelled, (which wasn't all too surprising because Adam hadn't really done a 'good deed' unless sleeping counted, which wasn't really 'doing a good deed' so much as it was 'being incapable of actively performing a bad one due to being in a state of unconsciousness'; and if that was all that was required for Adam to get better, he should have been much further along in his recovery.) No, Adam had thrown up... water? That was weird. He couldn't remember drinking any water that close to when he had taken an impromptu nap. (He hadn't planned to actually sleep he had just been feeling achy and fatigued from all the good deeds and he wanted to relax- and sleeping was so rarely restful for him.) "Ugh, sunnovabitch that feels awful."
"Was that bile?" Lucifer was looking up at him.
"No." Adam put the trashcan back down. He felt... hot, sticky, covered in sweat. Lucifer looked at the trashcan as Adam put it down, and the first man quickly moved it. "Don't look at it. That's fucking gross, dude."
"How does your neck feel?" Lucifer was ignoring Adam's protests.
"Fine." It was actually quite sore, but Adam had no desire to discuss that with the Devil. His breathing was just starting to come back to an even pace. He tried to calm himself down. The last thing he needed was to look panicked in front of the asshole who had screwed him over in the past (again and again until Adam had ended up forced down below, cast out from his home above). He wasn't going to give Lucifer the satisfaction.
"You look... rough." The Devil frowned, glancing him over.
"You have one fucking leg."
"But you feel okay now? You're sure?" Lucifer ignored the snappy retort.
"I told you, it's literally nothing. Just a bad dream." Adam got up from the bed, he stumbled, his legs felt like jelly underneath him. Stupid fucking legs, his body just felt so weak... so... exhausted despite the fact that he had literally just woken up.
"What was the dream..." Lucifer glanced again at the trash can, "...about?"
"It was..." Adam opened his mouth, ready to launch into the whole story when he realized... he couldn't actually remember a thing about the dream. All he remembered was a sense of peace that was shattered quite suddenly by the feeling like he was going to die- but... that was it. He couldn't recall anything specific. "Fuck, it doesn't matter! It was a fucking dream, I'm awake now." Adam felt more irritable, realizing he couldn't remember shit from his nap. It wasn't even shocking He never could remember anything other than that sense of overwhelming... dread. "What time is it even? I had butter thawing-"
"Adam, try to remember the dream." Lucifer cut him off.
"I don't have to tell you shit about my dreams."
"This is important..." Lucifer followed him in the stupid little chair as Adam made his way to the bathroom. He saw the sticky notes he left up for his memory-lapse mornings. He quickly snatched them off the faucet and ripped the blanket he left covering the mirror down quickly before the Devil could see his little reminders. He was lucky he didn't have an episode this time. Who knows what the Devil would do with that sort of information?
"Why are you following me, you fucking weirdo? I told you I don't remember shit." Adam glanced back behind him as he filled one of the many glasses that lined his sink with water and started drinking. He immediately began coughing and gasping again. "Shit- fuck-" He could barely get the words out through the coughing fit He ended up just throwing up more water into his sink, far more than he seemed to have actually drank. Adam knocked the glasses over in pure frustration.
"Hey, fuckface, sit down for two seconds and try to catch your breath." Adam felt Lucifer's tail smack him on his back. Adam didn't want to listen, but the exhaust he felt seemed to have other plans in mind as he slunk weakly down onto the cool, bathroom floor. He ended up sliding all the way down until he was staring up at the ceiling, lying flat on his back. He slowly started trying to take a deeper breath. He was still struggling, coughing, but it was getting easier. Lucifer's little chair started to move around again, and Adam turned his head to look over at it.
"Don't run over me."
"I'm not going to run over you, asshole. Not unless you deserve it."
"Where'd you get the chair?"
"It doesn't matter. I am a King and I have a need to get up and do things in my Kingdom-"
"Raph gave it to you huh?"
"Hey, shut up." Lucifer was back in the bedroom, wheeling all over Adam's carpet, probably screwing it up with tire marks. He could hear Lucifer moving his covers around as if looking for something. Adam wanted to sit up and stop him (the idea of Lucifer stumbling upon Adam's little notebook was like a nightmare in and of itself.) but he couldn't really move.
"Don't touch my shit!" Adam couldn't do much else other than give a verbal warning to the Devil in his room.
"Do you often wake up feeling like this?"
"I mean, anyone is going to wake up feeling like ass when they have to see your ugly fucking face right when they open their eyes."
"First of all," Lucifer backed the wheelchair up so he could poke his head into the bathroom and glare at Adam on the floor. "I'm beautiful, so you can shut your whore mouth about that part." Adam let out a snort but Lucifer didn't let him speak. "And secondly, I'm being serious. This might have something to do with your Corruption. So, I'm going to need you to use every ounce of decency you have- all two of them- to resist the urge to be a dick and actually answer the fucking question." Adam rolled his eyes from his spot on the floor, at least the door was positioned on his good side, making it easier to see. "Do you often wake up feeling shitty?"
"Y... yeah..." Adam had wanted to make another snide comment about being in Hell and that being Lucifer's fault- but the threat of this being connected to his... condition... put him ill at ease. He had to get better or he would never get a chance to see his kids again. Or worse, he would be responsible for something happening to one of them. The idea that Cain, Abel, or Seth would be on the floor like this, struggling to breathe strengthened Adam's resolve and allowed him to resist the rather intense desire to avoid the question entirely.
"Interesting." Lucifer rolled away again.
"I wake up feeling tired. Big fucking deal. Is it illegal to get a bad night's sleep in Hell? We don't all have that giant ass bed that you do."
"So, this just started when you got to Hell?"
"Do we have to talk about this?" Nights were not a great time for Adam. Sleeping was not fun for him anymore. He never knew how he was going to feel when he woke up, or if he was going to even remember where he was.
"I don't know how to tell you this... gently..." Lucifer wheeled his way back to the doorway where Adam could see him once more. "But when I came in here, you had stopped breathing. Also, you were floating off the bed."
"I'm dead, do I need to breathe?"
"The short answer to that is: yes. The long answer is: yes, but not as frequently as you did when you were alive and it is specific to Hell and Purgatory. If you're in Heaven, the answer will actually be: not really but most Winners do it anyway out of habit. Also, you're overlooking the part where I mentioned the floating."
"That's not surprising, I have wings."
"Not flying dumbfuck, floating. And- news flash- your wings don't even work. But I wouldn't worry too much about that, it happened to plenty of angels over a certain age." Lucifer retorted as Adam struggled to force his wings out.
"They used to work before you broke them."
"I did no such thing. You Fell. That has very little to do with me..." Lucifer trailed off as Adam gave him a look. "Well... directly at least. Look, Adam, I'm trying not to freak you out because you don't exactly do... great with stress-"
"Fuck you I'm fantastic with stress. I used to be a General, lead a whole army and I did great with that. Except the last time. I can't... quite recall what happened on that last big Extermination, weirdly enough. I'm sure it was kickass."
"Yeah... maybe don't think about that too hard right now. Or ever." Lucifer seemed really keen to get Adam on any other topic. "Look, I don't know if what just happened to you was some kind of... symptom from your Corruption or if you were just straight up attacked. My home defenses are not what they should be right now- no shame to Lysander, he's doing fine but there's literally a massive fucking hole in my wall right now."
"Attacked!?" Adam struggled to sit up. The sudden movement made him cough again.
"No, no, stay down there. Take it easy. If you die, I'll have to find a new cook." Lucifer waved a hand toward Adam, gesturing for the First Man to lie back down. But Adam was on high alert after the mention of an attack. "Wow, okay, just ignore me. Cool. Cool." The Devil's face fell as Adam sat up fully.
"You just said I was fucking attacked!"
"No, I said you might have been attacked, there's a difference. This could just be a symptom of Corruption. You have been under a shit ton of stress recently. Which, as stated before: is not something you do well with. You've been... shockingly coherent through this and since- Shoggoth attack aside- you haven't tried biting my face off, it's possible your symptoms have been manifesting in... other ways."
"That's possible!?"
"I mean..." Lucifer frowned, "theoretically. That's why I am asking you questions. I need to rule out every possibility. So: when did the sleeping troubles begin?" Adam bit his lip, for some reason, he didn't really want to answer. There was a part of him that felt a strong need to keep everything bottled up the way he had done for so long.
"I..." Adam wanted to speak, but at the same time he could hear their voices in his head, yelling at him, judging him.
If something is causing you to have trouble sleeping in Heaven, it's probably guilt. Have you done something wrong, Adam? Are you starting to Fall? What would your sons think?
Fuck.
"Adam?" Lucifer's voice broke through the voices shouting in his skull. The First Man looked up to see the Devil had wheeled into the room and was stopped right in front of him.
"I'm fine." Adam felt a little dizzy. His heart was pounding in his throat.
"Back on the floor with you..." Lucifer put a hand on Adam's chest and pushed him gently back onto the ground. The cool tile was like a shock back to reality. Adam started feeling a little better. His heart rate finally started to slow down. He hadn't even realized his hands had been shaking until his palms were flat on the ground. "Maybe lie on your side, though." Lucifer nudged him with the one foot he had. Adam rolled onto his side and started coughing again, spitting a little more water out onto the floor.
"It's been... a while." Adam finally spoke, his voice was a little weaker than he wanted. "I can't remember the last time I woke up feeling... good."
"Oh..." Lucifer's response didn't exactly make Adam's confidence swell. "Listen, I am going to order delivery. You are in no condition to be cooking. You'll probably fuck up and cut yourself and then get your fucking Corrupted blood all over my kitchen and then Quackers will catch it, and then what? You want ribs?" They were Adam's favorite food. The First man rolled over, looking toward the Devil, squinting suspiciously up at him.
"Am I dying?"
"What!? No! God, I fucking wish, but no."
"Then why are you being nice to me?"
"Okay, fine, no ribs then. I was just going to pay you back for the apple cake, but you're right, I let you live here rent-free. No ribs."
"I want the ribs."
"No, it made you think you were dying."
"You offered them. I didn't say no. Therefore, ribs are still on the table. I want the ribs."
"Fine, but if you get the ribs, you're going to have to agree to something for later. You aren't going to like it, but I'm not going to like it either, so you'll at least get a twisted sense of enjoyment out of the fact that I am suffering alongside you-"
"Hey, I noticed that you are doing a lot of talking and not a lot of ordering ribs." Adam interrupted the explanation. It didn't matter what Lucifer had planned. In the end, though Adam would never admit it, he really was at the mercy of the being who had screwed him over.
"Seriously, asshole? I am trying to explain-"
"Ribs now."
"Fine, whatever." Lucifer pulled out his phone and stared at it in silence for what felt like three hundred rib-less hours but what actually equated to only a few (rib-less) minutes.
"Hello? Ribs?"
"Right." Lucifer put the phone away and pulled out a second phone and began vigorously typing. "Syn!" He leaned back, giving a shout.
"I dunno if she can hear you." Adam slowly started trying to sit up again.
"She has a good range." Lucifer waved off his concern. Sure enough, it wasn't long before Adam could hear the siren-like wail coming toward them down the hallway.
"MASTERRRRRRRRR!"
"Damn, she does have a good range." Adam managed to get into a sitting position just in time to watch Syn fly full-force directly into Lucifer's face. Instinctively, Adam put his hand on the chair to stop it from tilting with the force.
"Master! I have missed you! We have had so many visitors!"
"We just spent time together a few hours ago." Lucifer reminded her. Adam did enjoy seeing Syn smack into The Devil's face over and over again as he tried to talk. It happened to Adam sometimes too with Syn. But really it was Lucifer's own damn fault for not giving her any arms. If he wanted to be able to talk without risking a mouthful of wing, he should have planned accordingly.
"That was so long ago!"
"I'm sorry. But you've been doing a very good job keeping things organized." Lucifer used his good hand to push Syn away.
"I sang a song with Charlie!"
"And I'm sure you did a great job." The Devil patted the top of the flying assistant. Adam gave a kind of half-shrug from his spot on the floor.
"She didn't know the words."
"I did my best!"
"Her words were better; I like to think." Adam had really only caught the tail end of Charlie's song after he had gotten booted from the room where Lucifer and Michael were having their secret conversation. Probably about him.
"Thank you!"
"Syn, I'm ordering from Prometheus. Do you or Lysander want anything?" Lucifer held up his phone to show Syn her options. Adam wasn't sure if Syn could see since Lucifer was holding it to the back of her- at least- to the opposite side of the googly eyes that Adam had added a while ago. (Syn had lost one in the Shoggoth attack, but had insisted Adam get her a new one. Now the eyes were two different sizes, but Syn didn't seem to mind.) Much to Adam's delight, Syn rotated so the googly eyes were facing the phone as her little lights pulsed thoughtfully.
"Hmmmm...there are a lot of food options!"
"Yep, that's how restaurants work." Lucifer nodded his head. "Haven't you ordered shit for Lysander before? Why is this new to you?"
"I have not ordered from here. Research indicates that Prometheus is well known for its ribs! I would like those as well!"
"We'll see about that." Adam snorted. "I am very critical of my ribs."
"You don't have to eat anything at all if you're going to be a bitch about it." Lucifer snapped. "Syn, go see if Lysander wants something. He's been doing a lot of overtime; I probably owe him some kind of treat." Syn's lights brightened.
"Yes, Master!" She hurriedly flew back out into the hallway.
"My cooking is treat enough." Adam reminded him. The First Man had been cooking for the entire staff since he got saddled with the chef job, on top of the maid position, which he wasn't really doing based solely on principle. Sure, the staff was only three people including himself (four if Syn counted- five if Quackers did- but really you just gave her a bowl of scraps and she was happy to sit on top of it: and Quackers was the same way), but the point was that Lysander had already been fed plenty of good food. That asshole had the gall to make requests to Adam, they were weird dishes the First Man didn't recognize. But he wasn't one to shy away from a challenge.
"You are in no condition to cook." Lucifer didn't even look up from his phone.
"Fuck you, I'm fine. This happens like all the time." Adam retorted. (Sure, the vomiting water was new, but the feeling like shit upon waking was as commonplace as the act of waking itself). "You're just being dramatic." In truth, Adam enjoyed cooking. It started to make him feel a little more like himself again. He hadn't felt... right in years. And Quackers was a great sous chef- not for his culinary prowess- but rather for the simple fact that he would listen to Adam rant all day with an understanding 'Quack' sprinkled in here and there.
"You can take a break for one meal. And Lysander will be fine with takeout. I assume that's what he ate before you started cooking. There's no way he was cooking for himself." Lucifer was being weirdly insistent in Adam relaxing. Whatever he had seen upon entering the First Man's room had him shaking up Adam's whole fucking evening.
He was supposed to go bowling with Syn and Quackers later, dammit.
"I'm not complaining, these jobs are just a pathetic attempt for you to garner any sort of control over me. I don't actually have to do anything. What would you do, kick me out?" Adam smirked and Lucifer simply glared in response. "No, I don't give a shit about doing the work, I just wanted acknowledgement of my amazing cooking skill."
"You're adequate. Don't get an ego about it." Lucifer's tone and expression were completely flat. Adam grinned a little wider.
"Adequate? Is that why you are my entire apple cake?"
"Well, you sure as fuck weren't going to eat it, with your weird apple-vendetta and it's rude to waste food."
"I think you know why I have my weird apple-vendetta." Adam narrowed his eyes in response to Lucifer's comment.
"For the last time, it wasn't even really an apple-"
"I returned! Lysander would like the supreme combo extra-large!"
"God, he eats a shit ton." Lucifer rolled his eyes as he went back to typing on his phone. "Where does he put it all?"
"He works out a lot." Adam replied dryly. "I am sure that's a bit of a weird concept for you, but some people take care of themselves. He goes to the gym like... every morning."
"Gym?" Lucifer blinked. Adam bit his lip for a moment, he didn't want to be the one to ruin Lysander's long running game of: what can be snuck into the Devil's mansion without him noticing. He couldn't reveal about the super-secret gym, that was Something Lucifer would need to discover on his own time.
"Oh, uh, yeah, there's one kinda nearby that he goes to." Adam quickly redirected the conversation. "What about Quackers?"
"What?" Lucifer blinked.
"What is Quackers getting?"
"I shall ask him!" Syn started to fly off but Lucifer grabbed her by one of her wings and gently pulled her back.
"Quackers doesn't need food, Syn."
"Don't be a bitch, let the duck eat." Adam retorted, more amused than anything else. "If you're getting Syn something, you gotta do it for Quackers too."
"Fine. Whatever." Lucifer heaved a heavy sigh. "I'll order him a salad or something."
"Dude, don't be like that, you gotta fucking ask him what he wants." Adam protested, amused by Lucifer's obvious annoyance.
"No one can understand him!"
"I can." Adam could not, in fact, understand Quackers, but he could get the gist, which was all that really mattered.
"I can as well!" At least they could all count on Syn. Lucifer brought his good hand to his face, slowly bringing it down.
"Fine, Syn, go ask Quackers what he wants."
"Affirmative, Master!" And with that, Syn took off down the hall again. She was really getting her exercise in, flying back and forth.
"Look at her go," Adam watched after her for a moment, before turning his attention back to Lucifer. Since the Devil seemed so opposed to Adam simply getting to his fucking feet, he might as well talk. "So, what did you and the never-ending array of holy bitches discuss? Does Heaven miss me? Are..." Adam trailed off for a moment, he didn't like being genuine with the Devil, it felt like giving Lucifer the upper hand. But he still had to ask the question. "Are my kids okay?" It felt... pathetic -almost- to have to rely on the Devil for information about Heaven. That world above had been his home and now Adam was cast out, just as he had been from Eden.
"They... didn't really come up in the conversation. But I'm sure they're fine." Lucifer didn't seem as concerned as Adam felt. The first man was still haunted by the idea that he somehow could pass this fucking Corruption onto his kids to the point that he was almost relieved that he had turned into such a shitty parent toward the end. (A part of Adam liked to believe that, perhaps, he had subconsciously realized he was sick and was trying to avoid spreading his illness to those in Heaven he loved the most by pushing them away.)
"So then what did you discuss?"
"Mostly the Exterminations." Lucifer seemed to be telling the truth, but fuck if Adam could tell. (If he had been able to do that a good bit of generational misery could have easily been avoided.) "But I assumed you could have guessed that part, given how he tried to um..." Lucifer made air quotes with his good hand and the only remaining fingers on his bad one, "... 'talk' with you about the situation." Adam shivered at the memory.
"You mean when he tried to gut me."
"Yeah, I was trying to put it nicely since you seem a little... traumatized?"
"I'm not fucking traumatized." Adam snapped, despite the fact that he was feeling a little bit traumatized at the moment. "Could a traumatized person do this?" Adam spun around on his butt on the tile floor while flipping up both of his middle fingers toward Lucifer and sticking out his two-toned tongue.
"Adam that's exactly like something a traumatized person would do while trying to repress said trauma." Lucifer narrowed his eyes.
"MASTERRRR!" Syn came flying back in, hitting Lucifer upside the head. Adam snorted; Syn knew just how to lift his spirits. "Quackers would like bones. Fresh bones."
"Bone-" Lucifer started to talking but Adam cut him off.
"Ah yes fresh bones. Love that guy."
"Fine, whatever. Is that everyone? Or does Adam feel the need to get my lawn gnomes meals as well?" Lucifer started to add bones to the order, Adam assumed, as he went back to typing on his phone. The First Man gave a little shrug.
"You're trying to be a dick, but Sherlock Gnomes and Duckson haven't sat out there protecting your house for who knows how fucking long for you to just ignore their needs."
"Did you seriously name my fucking garden gnomes?" Lucifer's gold and crimson eyes narrowed at Adam on the ground.
"You didn't? I thought you were supposed to be the creative one."
"Those names suck."
"You suck. And I don't exactly think you're the one here who was best known for his naming prowess. Just saying." Adam would have come up with a better comeback, but his giant yawn helped to remind everyone involved that the Fallen's First Man's perceived lack of wit was directly related to his lack of sleep.
"Food's ordered." Clearly, Lucifer couldn't argue with Adam's immaculate logic so he was forced to give up. He looked down at Adam still sitting on the floor. "Do you think you can stand up and walk downstairs?"
"You're the one being fucking anal about me getting up." Adam tried very hard not to laugh at the fact that he had used the word anal in a sentence. "I told you from the beginning that I'm fine. But you had to have a little freakout and- woah." Adam was getting to his feet as he spoke but had to stop as he briefly felt dizzy. The feeling passed rather quickly, and he finished standing up, brushing himself off.
"Yeah, you're looking real sturdy there, slick" Lucifer put a hand on Adam's back as the First Man started to lose his balance.
"You almost fell on your face."
"You didn't see that, properly, Syn." Adam assured her. "I was just... overwhelmed by my own awesomeness. It happens sometimes."
"Oh no!"
"Oh yes." Adam put his hands on his hips, puffing his chest out proudly. "It's a curse, but I must live with it!" He put his hands on the handles of the Devil's stupid looking wheelchair and started pushing him toward the exit. "Now it's time for everyone to get the fuck out of my room, because this is my space."
"Technically, it's mine." Lucifer leaned back as Adam pushed him in the wheelchair out into the hallway. "I just let you live here."
"You forfeited the right to this room when I picked it." Adam countered, Syn settled down on Lucifer's lap, seemingly content to have Adam push her around as well. The First Man wouldn't comment, Syn was probably tired from flitting back and forth all day. (Assuming she got tired. Maybe her batteries just got drained.) He reached behind him to close his door back, only to see a splintered hole where the knob used to be. "What the fuck happened to my door!?" Adam waved his hand where the handle should have been. Lucifer craned his neck to look backward at the damage before giving a small, dismissive shrug.
"I had to get in. Your door was locked."
"So, you broke my handle!?"
"It'll get fixed eventually." Lucifer returned to looking forward. Adam was annoyed, but there was food on the way, so he could deal with this later. Worst-case scenario, Adam could probably fix it himself, assuming Lucifer had any actual tools around the house, and given his prior experiences, that was probably asking a lot.
"You better fucking fix it. I don't like the idea of just leaving it open like that when we have a giant hole in the house." Adam reached the top of the stairs, looking at the wheelchair, then looking down the steps. "Do you have a ramp? Or is my course of action here just to toss you out and let gravity take care of the situation."
"Oh, no, it floats." Lucifer pressed a few buttons on the chair and it gracefully floated down the stairs. Adam blinked, slowly following behind in case the Devil tried to ram him as some sort of funny prank on the way down.
"Wait... so..." Adam reached the ground floor without incident. "Can you like... move that thing all by yourself, no magic?" Adam had assumed he was using magic to move it around his bedroom/
"Yes, there are buttons here that my good hand can operate. Raphael made this specifically for me, after all." Lucifer gestured at the panel on the armrest of the chair.
"Are you fucking kidding me right now!?" Adam threw his hands up in the air, exasperated. "If you can drive it, then why the fuck am I pushing you!?"
"No idea, you just started doing it, and you move the chair faster so I figured I would see how long you'd do it before you noticed." Lucifer grinned at him, tilting his head back to look at Adam behind him. The first Man could see the top of that forked tongue as it flickered between the fanged teeth bared in that absolutely shit-eating smile. Adam could have slapped him right out of that chair, but he didn't know if the ribs were paid for and if he accidentally killed Lucifer, the First Ma didn't know where he kept his money and therefore couldn't pay for the ribs himself.
"Lysander! You still down here?" Adam pushed past the Devil walking toward the old foyer where the Hellborn had been camping out.
"Wait, you're not going to push me anymore?" Lucifer put his half-hand over his chest looking aghast by Adam's lack of interest.
"Push your fucking self." Adam shoved his hands in the pockets of his robes, glancing behind him as Lucifer's chair whirred to life and followed behind at a slow, but steady pace. He walked a little quicker, seeing Lysander sprawled out on the floor, staring at the ceiling, one arm stretched out over his head and behind him while the other rested on his chest.
"Hey, mate!" Lysander gave a friendly wave as he entered. "Oi, you look like shit." He craned his head up a bit to look at Adam.
"Shouldn't you be watching the giant fucking hole?" Adam strolled over, and squatted down on the floor beside him.
"I am." Lysander lifted the arm above his head to show Adam the eye on his palm before putting it back where it had been.
"Oh, right." Adam kept forgetting about Lysander's mobile eye. (Or maybe, Adam just wanted to forget as Lysander liked to have it appear in weird places mid conversation when Adam least expected it. It was fine though. Adam had been moving Lysander's shit through the mirror for the past few days and the Hellborn still hadn't caught on. Revenge was a dish best served on a reflective plate. Or... something like that.)
"We've got delivery coming." Lucifer made his way in, stopping before he ran over Lysander's tail. "So, try not to shoot the delivery guy."
"Ah Crikey Mikey, I'm glad you said somethin'." Lysander straightened up a bit and turned so he could look out of the gaping hole with the eyes on his face, as well as wherever he had put that third eye now that he was using his hands to grab the gun. "I woulda shot the guy stone dead. Blood might've gotten on the food. Least you wouldn't've had to tip, I guess." Lysander cocked the crystalline rifle as he peered out into the darkening outdoors.
"Just don't shoot him." Lucifer reiterated the point. (Maybe he had to? Adam still only understood only about seventy percent of what came out of Lysander's mouth due to the thick accent.) "If he drops the food on the holy-lawn, we're fucked. I left VERY specific instructions to only step on our pathway, but we'll see. It is Hell."
"Are we going to have to order this more than once?" Adam groaned at the thought of having his food delayed because of the Hellions' collective inability to follow instructions. Hellborn, Sinner, Fallen, it didn't seem to matter.
"Maybe." Lucifer wasn't reassuring at all.
"I mean if they do walk on the holy lawn it will be a mistake they won't want to repeat. Sets 'em right on fire." Lysander was clearly speaking from experience. "Been watching it happen for a few days. Even the drones can't fly over without combusting. It's made my job considerably easier."
"Yeah, but if they're on fire it might burn the food." Lucifer sighed. "Adam, you'll just have to walk out there and meet them, I'm not taking the risk. Maybe bring the fire extinguisher."
"If I'm meeting them, then there shouldn't be a need for the fire extinguisher." Adam countered. That seemed to defeat the entire purpose of Adam risking his own skin to walk the very narrow unholy path that wound through the hallowed courtyard.
"Get it anyway." Lucifer wasn't in the mood to listen to reason, apparently. Adam groaned, pulling himself back to his feet after having just sat down and walking down the hall through the massive, swinging double doors into the kitchen.
"Quack."
"Yo, Quackers, what's up dude? We're getting take out so this meal prep is gonna have to wait for lunch tomorrow."
"Quack. Quack, quack, quack."
"Yeah, it's a little annoying but it's not like any of this will go bad, and you're getting your fresh bones you wanted. So that's a plus."
"Quack."
"Oh, that actually makes sense." Maybe it was the Corruption, maybe it was just the lack of friends and socialization, but Adam was starting to get the faintest idea of what Quackers was saying. Or maybe not. Maybe he was just hallucinating the whole thing. Wouldn't be his first delusion.
"Quack. Quack, Quack Quack Quack quack."
"He wants me to bring the fire extinguisher." Adam took the time to start putting away the things he had readied for dinner. At least he hadn't started cooking yet.
"Quack."
"What?" Adam turned and Quackers opened his mouth and squirted extinguishing foam right into Adam's face. "Ah." The first man grabbed a dish towel from behind him and wiped his face clean. "No, I think the one on the wall, it's for the outside. But thanks for trying. I actually didn't know you could do that, but I guess it's just a safety precaution since you have the flame throwers."
"Quack."
"No, I do appreciate the offer."
"Quack." Quackers rolled over to the wall, using his beak to carefully remove the fire extinguisher from where it had been mounted, taking it in his mouth. He rolled over and Adam held out his hands. Quackers gently placed the extinguisher in his open palms.
"Thank dude." Adam reached up, patting the robotic duck on the head. He was always surprised by how soft Quackers felt. Of course, Adam wouldn't be surprised if those feathers could turn into razor blades or some weird shit. But Quackers would never do that to him.
"Quack."
"I'll make sure you get your bones, but I don't think fuckface actually understood what you wanted. But he's not much of a cook so he just doesn't get it. Not like us, we're chefs."
"Quack." Quackers released a warm burst of steam from his mouth into Adam's face. The First Man coughed a bit but gave Quackers another pat.
"Don't you worry about a thing. I'll make sure it's what you want. Chances are that the restaurant understood. Your creator is just an idiot."
"Quack."
"Nice." Adam snorted as he finished cleaning his dinner prep. "I can bring you your order. Don't worry about coming out. I know the kitchen is your favorite spot." Adam ruffled the feathers on the top of Quackers's head, before tucking the fire extinguisher under his arm and heading back toward the double doors. "Keep the kitchen safe in my absence. I'll be back tomorrow for breakfast." He gave Quackers a salute as he pushed the doors open with his hip.
"QUACK!" Quackers's head split open and an array of knives whirled around in a very distinct pattern that Adam took to be a returned salute. (Not like Quackers could bring his tiny yellow wing up to his massive head. It was a design flaw, clearly, but Quackers was creative enough to work his way around Lucifer's oversights.)
"Bye buddy!" Adam turned on his heel and headed back through the doors toward the foyer. "I got the fire extinguish-"
"What took you so long!?" Lucifer waved Adam over. He and Lysander were both at the gaping hole. Adam didn't immediately see Syn.
"I was cleaning up the meal prep I had for dinner tonight because you randomly decided we were doing take-" Adam started to explain himself, but Lucifer held up his half-hand to Adam's mouth in an attempt to cover it.
"Shhhh."
"Don't touch me with your weird mutilated hand." Adam recoiled in disgust.
"Adam," Lucifer didn't even look back at him, "a man's on fire. You need to get that extinguisher out there, stat." Adam looked past Lucifer and Lysander to see a Sinner whose leg was very much on fire at the end of Lucifer's long walkway.
"Ah shit." Adam grabbed the extinguisher, running toward the man. He saw Syn hovering above the (presumed) delivery guy.
"Stop. Drop. And Roll. That is optimal fire safety."
"Maybe don't do that on the holy gr-" Adam tried to grab the Sinner by the arm before he dropped to the ground, but only succeeded in grabbing the food. Adam sighed, putting the food behind him and pulling the pin in the fire extinguisher as the Sinner's arm and shoulder ignited in white flames when they tried to roll on hallowed ground. Adam used one hand to pull the Sinner onto the path before spraying him down full-force with foam.
"THE FUCK WAS THAT!?" The Sinner got up, burned, but still clearly well enough to give Adam a middle finger.
"Pretty sure the instructions told you to stay of the fucking path, dude." Adam didn't bat an eye at the obvious aggression.
"Why does your LAWN set people on fucking FIRE!?"
"Long story." Adam picked the food back up. "But next time you'll be better about listening to instructions."
"I LISTENED TO THAT FLOATING BITCH'S INSTRUCTIONS AND SHE MADE SHIT WORSE!" The Sinner made a gab for Syn and Adam carefully pulled her back by her wings. He didn't want Syn to get damaged, Lucifer was in no condition to make repairs.
"She's learning. Go easy on her. Now leave or I'll kick you onto the lawn."
"Listen here you two-toned little bi-" The Sinner raised on his haunches, his fur pickling up as he tried to look threatening to Adam who had seen far worse than this when he was still alive. The First Man didn't bat an eye as he raised the nozzle of the extinguisher again and started spraying foam directly in the Sinner's face, causing him to stumble back with the force.
"You should go before our sniper shoots you in the face." Adam wasn't sure what Lysander was doing behind him, but chances are, neither did the Sinner. Adam wasn't particularly intimidated, given he could just kick the guy over onto the hallowed ground, but he really didn't want to go through the hassle. He just wanted to go inside.
"You don't have a-" the Sinner cut off as a small, red, circle of light appeared on his chest, slowly moving up toward his face.
"You were saying?" Adam smirked and the Sinner shut up, storming away from the First Man and onto safe ground. Adam grabbed the food and turned back toward the house. Syn tried to fly after the Sinner but Adam held her back.
"Goodbye! Thank you!"
"Was there a problem?" Lucifer looked mildly concerned as Adam dropped the food on his lap. The First Man shrugged.
"The dude was a fucking ass, but it's Hell so that wasn't too shocking. Luckily Lysander scared him off with red dot from the sniper rifle before he tried anything."
"Oh, that wasn't me, mate." Lysander shook his head. "My sights aren't red. They're blue. I don't see the red spectrum nearly as well."
"Wait..." Adam squinted at the Hellborn, trying to decide if he was being fucked with, or if Lysander was being serious. "Then who the hell-"
"It was me!" A red dot appeared on Adam's chest, before slowly starting to move in a circle, as Syn cheerfully spoke up. "I was very scary!" The dot began moving around Adam's chest quickly until it formed the shape of a little heart. Adam couldn't help himself. He straight up laughed as Syn spun around in the air.
"Very. So, we gonna eat or what?"
"Fine, fine." Lucifer reached in the bag, divvying up the food. "I assume these are for Quackers." He pulled out a bag of bones. Adam nodded.
"I'll bring them to him. But I'm eating first." He opened his ribs and began to dig in. The sauce was surprisingly flavorful, the meat shockingly tender. Adam could tell he was making a mess, but he didn't give a fuck.
"Thanks for the meal, boss." Lysander's sharp teeth tore into the meat and bone alike as if it were nothing.
"Well, you have been watching that hole for several days straight, I figured it's the least I could do." Lucifer was about the only one not covered in barbeque sauce as he somehow managed to eat his vegetarian burger without a single stain on his white suit. Syn was rubbing herself all over the ribs, becoming quite the staining hazard. (Adam would still eat them later. Syn was- probably- clean enough. And wasting ribs was a fucking crime.)
"So, who watches the hole when you're, you know, sleeping?" Adam wiped his mouth on his sleeve, looking over at Lysander as they all sat and ate their food of the floor of the foyer like they were having some sort of picnic.
"Syn. She has cameras all over. She just wakes me up with arms if she needs anything. But really even bullets can't cross the hallowed ground. You'd think maybe if they were angelic steel they would, but still no. Or the few sharp shooters that tried shit were using bootleg steel."
"Huh..." Lucifer seemed mildly surprised by the information. "I was wondering if I needed to hire you more help until this hole is fixed, but it seems like you and Syn have a system in place." Lucifer went to pat Syn on the top of her little cylinder, but as she lifted herself out of the ribs, she was quite literally dripping in sticky, brown sauce. Lucifer made a face, before pulling a cloth out of his pocket and starting to wipe her down.
"I did well!"
"You did." Lucifer assured her. "You're done eating, right?"
"No." And with that, Syn flopped right back in the sauce. Adam snorted.
"You know, if you really wand Lysander to have help with security, I would be an excellent choice to guide him, you know, with my military experience."
"You're the cook and the maid. You already have a busy schedule, I would hate to overwhelm you." Lucifer smirked as Adam gave him an annoyed look. "But I am actually considering hiring more help. Just a handyman to fix all the shit that's broken."
"I mean might not be terrible to have someone fix the wall." Lysander seemed on board. Adam was less thrilled at the idea of having to meet another fucking Hellion. (Probably Hellborn since Lucifer didn't seem the type to hire Sinners.) He had liked Lysander, but the odds of a new hire being as tolerable were low at best.
"HURRAY NEW FRIEND!"
"I don't think we really need a handyman. If you had actual fucking tools, I could do the work for you." Adam was skeptical.
"They'll fix your door." Lucifer pointed out. Adam narrowed his eyes, pointing the bone of his rib toward the Devil.
"Maybe." At least he wouldn't be at the bottom of the mansion pecking order any longer.
"It's still just an idea." Lucifer sighed. "I hate letting anyone in the house so my vetting process is extreme."
"Need me to kill the ones who don't make the cut?" Lysander offered sounding a little excited by the idea.
"Ah, no. That's quite alright." Lucifer finished his food, taking the napkin to Syn once more. "Are you done eating yet?"
"Negative." She dove right back into the ribs. Adam finished his own meal, wiping his hands on the napkins, before gathering his trash.
"I'm bringing Quackers his bones; anyone else got shit to toss?"
"I do." Lucifer held out his garbage. Adam looked at it, then back at the Devil.
"I asked if anyone has trash; not if anyone is trash. You must have misheard."
"Funny." Lucifer threw his trash in Adam's face and the First Man gathered it up with his own. Lysander handed him some of his garbage, and Adam took the bag of bones with him to the kitchen, tossing the garbage and putting the bones on the counter.
"Perfect for soup stock." He showed the bones to Quackers who let out a small burst of flame, singeing the top of the bag.
"Quack."
"I know, right?" Adam washed his hands in the sink. "Alas Quackers, it's night. I'm gonna go pass the fuck out so I'll see you for breakfast. What are we having!?"
"QUACK!"
"Exactly. See, this is why we create weekly menus. It keeps you on task." Adam shot finger guns in Quacker's direction before heading out back into the foyer to see Lucifer had finally managed to clean Syn off. Adam took the ribs she had been rolling in and started eating them as well. She had not gotten a big order, which was for the best as Adam's appetite was not as good as it had been recently. (His throat was weirdly sore, especially when he tried to swallow. It must have been from all that fucking coughing earlier.)
"Did you enjoy my leftovers?"
"Yes, thank you." Adam couldn't finish it. "You want the rest?" He could see Lysander giving Syn's ribs the side eye the entire time she had been rolling in them. (It seemed Adam wasn't the only one with the plan to finish them for her.) Lysander instantly snatched them from Adam, biting into the ribs bone and all.
"Fuck yeah, mate!"
"I think I'm going to go head to bed. Night guys." The First Man gave a small wave to his fellow coworkers trapped in their own private Hells of servitude.
"Night!" Lysander looked up from the ribs just long enough to wave.
"Good night, Adam Just Adam!" Syn was finally clean. For now. Lysander still had the ribs so that could be short lived. Lucifer was noticeably quiet, but he was looking at his phone again. Adam started up the stairs. He could hear the whir of that stupid fucking chair following him. He picked up his pace, heading toward his room.
"Adam, I need to talk to you. Like... now Lucifer was speaking up.
"Is it about my fucking door?" Adam gestured to the (still) missing handle before pushing his door open to prove a point. The Devil frowned.
"Yes, and no."
"That's not really an answer."
"Look," Lucifer took a deep breath, "you're really not going to like this. But just so you know: I hate this too. More, in fact."
"What are you getting at?" Adam folded his arms over his chest, leaning against the door frame, eyes narrowed.
"I... want you to sleep in my room tonight."
"Are you trying to fuck me?"
"Don't fucking flatter yourself. It's going to be in separate beds. As far apart as physically possible because I don't want to do this either." Lucifer looked surprisingly offended given that he was the one trying to proposition Adam.
"Well, the obvious question is: the why the fuck are you suggesting it?" Adam leaned down, getting into Lucifer's face
"Because, dumbass, I walked in to you: being strangled by some unseen force when you were sleeping in your room, alone. And I'm pretty sure you're only alive because I walked in. And I don't know if this was some isolated incent or what so-"
"So, you're overreacting."
"No, I'm not." Lucifer looked him directly in the eyes, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt jerking him down with surprising strength so Adam was at eye level with him. "Something almost happened to you under my roof, under my protection. You may be the worst fucking sack of shit to walk the face of the living world but-"
"That's you actually-"
"BUT," Lucifer ignored Adam's comment, "you're the only lead we have to what the fuck is going on right now. If we lose you this shit is going to be a lot harder to track down. Also, Raphael wants to study how you purge the Corruption. So, you need to be alive for that too." Lucifer finally released his collar. "So, get your bed, and push it into my room."
"This is bullshit."
"I hate it too, now start moving it."
"I hate it more." Adam wanted to fight it. Every part of him wanted to go down kicking and screaming. Save for one small part of Adam that was... terrified. That was the worst he had ever felt upon waking. That was worse than the fucking memory loss. Maybe, if there was some sliver of a chance that Lucifer could fix this shit, Adam was willing to try... well... anything. Anything to get a good night's sleep. He hadn't felt rest in... God... he couldn't remember when. He couldn't remember a morning where he had woken up feeling like himself, even in back Heaven. He was tired. Tired of being petrified of what night would bring, tired of being miserable, and overall, he was just... fucking... exhausted. If there was any tiny, miniscule chance that Lucifer could fix this... fuck it... he was desperate. "And if this doesn't work, I reserve the right to strangled you in your sleep."
"I mean you can try." Lucifer seemed far from intimidated by the threat. "But unlike you, I really don't need to breathe."
"Huh, you're such a waste of breath I find that surprising." Adam dug his heels in, trying to push the bed. It wouldn't budge. He frowned for a second before holding up his hand to Lucifer. He walked into the bathroom going to the mirror, he reached his hand inside, grabbing his reflection by the wrist and helping it walk out of the mirror. He grabbed two more and lead them back into the bedroom. Lucifer's face immediately fell as he gazed at four Adam's, three of whom were awaiting commands.
"Fuck no."
"They can help move." Adam retorted. "Help," he gestured to the bed, "move." The clones stared at him blankly for a moment before mirroring Adam's motions. Adam had a sense of control over them, as the clones gripped the sides of the large bed. "There you go. Come on boys, let's do this." Together, Adam and his reflections were easily able to lift the bed. They carried it down the hall, Adam struggling to keep control of his other selves without dropping what he was holding. They had to turn it, slightly, to get it through the door to Lucifer's room, however they were able to get it inside with only slight finagling. (Fortunately, the doorway to the master bedroom was a gaudy, ornate mess that was twice the size of every other door.) Adam and his clones plopped the bed as far away from Lucifer's as they could, without blocking the door or the bathroom. "Good work, boys." Adam stretched out and the clones mimicked him. Lucifer immediately drew his claws through the clones, popping them one by one.
"Hey!"
"They did their job. Now-"
"Wait." Adam left Lucifer to run back to his room, grabbing his notebook from his dresser- just in case and tucking it into his robes. He then grabbed his toothbrush, and slid back into Lucifer's room, holding it up. "Left my toothbrush."
"Fantastic. I am honestly a bit surprised you have any degree of hygiene." Lucifer wheeled himself to his own bed. "Stay in your bed, and if you're thinking of making any late-night trips to the kitchen or some shit, don't. I need to keep an eye on you all night. Now where are you going!?"
"To brush my teeth~" Adam held up the toothbrush over his head as he went into the bathroom. He found a towel on the floor and quickly covered the mirror as he started brushing his teeth. (They were so sharp he went through tooth brushes far too quickly.) He didn't want any shocks if he got up in middle of the night and wandered his way into the bathroom. Lucifer would be enough of an issue. Maybe, with any luck, Adam simply wouldn't have the memory issues in the morning, but just in case, he was prepared. Adam finished brushing his teeth and prepping the bathroom and walked back into the bedroom to see Lucifer struggling to get from the chair, back in the bed. Adam watched him struggle as the First man removed the tiny notebook from his sleeve and slid it beneath his pillow, out of sight from the Devil.
"You seem like you're doing great." Adam stripped off his sauce-covered robes, tossing them in the corner, leaving him in the undershirt and leggings he wore underneath. He walked over, leaning down, and half lifted-half shoved Lucifer into the bed. He was careful not to be too rough, because if he injured the Devil further that just mean he would be whining in his bed even longer. And as funny as it was to see the Devil is such a pathetic state, Adam needed his protection now more than ever since Michael had almost stabbed him in the face.
"I had it handled." Lucifer gave him an annoyed glare as he started to get the covers over his mauled body.
"Sure you did." Adam flopped on his own bed. He could, theoretically, just stay awake. Nothing could assure he wouldn't have issues waking up like: not going to sleep at all. That would be easy to do. He was sharing a room with the Devil after all. Adam could hear him shifting, moving in his own bed- why Lucifer's bed was so much bigger than Adam's was anyone's guess (it's not like he needed the room). It would be a simple task to stay awake...
...Adam woke up as the warm light of Hell fell on his face. He took a deep breath. His heart was pounding, his mouth was dry, but he wasn't as... achy as he usually felt upon waking up in the morning. He took a moment to get his thoughts together.
He was in his bed.
He was in Lucifer's room.
He was in Hell.
His memory appeared to be intact. Though, that meant he was fully aware of what a bullshit scenario he had awakened into. (Was it really a good thing that he was feeling better?) Adam got up, stretching his wings and body. Lucifer seemed like he was fast asleep, grumbling to himself before pulling the covers over his head to block out the light. (So much for keeping an eye on the First Man.) Ah well, it gave Adam time to start breakfast. He had more energy than he usually did in the mornings- he might even be able to get a workout in before the Devil had time to drag his lazy ass out of bed. That would be a nice change.
Adam went back to his bedroom, throwing open the closet and sorting through the identical white and gold robes he had bought with his own, hard-earned money. (Adam wanted to diversify his wardrobe, but it was hard to explain how to leave room for his wings in brand new outfits. So, he had taken to just telling the tailor he found to: make this again. Maybe he'd change up the color one day. But he had worn holy robes for so long that anything else felt... wrong.) He splashed his face with water quickly before heading out of the room toward the stairs. He had a breakfast to begin cooking and Quackers would be waiting.
Knock
Knock
Knock
Adam stopped halfway down the steps as a knocking caught his attention.
"I've got it!" Adam heard Syn smack into her door over and over again. He backed back up the stairs, opening the door and allowing Syn to zoom past him and smack into a completely different door. Adam followed her down the stairs, and into the foyer. He tried to peek out of the hole and see who might be knocking. What he did see was a bunch of various imps and other Hellions on fire lying outside of the ruined gate that the Shoggoths had torn through. They were, at least, on the side that wasn't blessed. But judging by the flames, that was a recent development. The thumping sounds of Syn against the door brought Adam's attention back to the knocking. Adam went over, opening the door to see one, lone Hellion was smart enough to walk the pathway rather than attempt to cross the Hallowed ground. (Not that you could tell it was Hallowed until you tried to step on it, but that was beside the point. There was a path for a reason.) The man at the door was finely dressed in a dark suit. He had long black hair that looked almost blue in the morning light. He had no visible eyes, but rather empty sockets. His face looked like a cracking mask of porcelain. He had red horns sticking out from his hair, one of which appeared to be broken.
"Greetings! And welcome to the mansion!" Syn welcomed the stranger at the same time Adam glared, slamming his hand against the doorframe, ready to interrogate.
"Who the fuck are you?"
"I'm Virgil, and I'm here to apply for the handyman position." The Hellion's voice was rather soft, but there was a hollowness to it. Adam squinted at him harder. There was a need for a handyman, yes, but at the same time, the mansion staff were already a tight-knit group (of which Adam was both the leader and most beloved member) and the work culture was already perfect. It didn't need to be overly complicated by adding a new person.
"No thanks." And with that, Adam slammed the door in his face.
A/V: A little late tonight, but I was helping out my family with stuff T_T. Sorry guys! Good news though, I survived the bad weather son updates should be on track. So YAY!