-๑-๑ ஜ ๑-Chapter 19: You love me -๑ ஜ ๑-๑-

-Shizuo´s point of view.-

Quick and stern the blond walked along the pavement of the street. People were looking at him, evading him, as he had one terrifying glare settled on his expression. A cigarette was dangling from his lips and his fists clenched inside his pants pockets. But opposite to the other´s believe, Shizuo wasn't mad at all. No, actually it was the opposite, he was exceptionally calm. Collected even. The only reason making this deep frown on his forehead appear this prominent was not caused by other people, no, it were simply memories, resurfacing … and twisting inside his mind.

Memories of Izaya to be precise. Memories of them having sex. But not particularly the way he had actually experienced them.

The focus suddenly didn't seem to be on Izaya's expressions anymore, not even the sound of his voice in his ears.

It was the way the flea had felt in his arms.

Not exactly pornographic but rather the opposite. It was this sense of closeness that was suddenly overwhelming the blond.

The way Izaya fell asleep the first night, that peaceful expression on his face. Shizuo hadn't exactly paused to look at it, it was just a mere frame of a second at that point in time and yet now it was suddenly resurfacing so prominently.

And then there was the way Izaya had kissed him in the shower. It drove him mad, made him go insane from the sheer attempt of trying to unwind just what had been going on on Izaya's mind that day. And in his own-

And now speaking honestly like this- Shizuo was pretty sure it had been the drugs, or sedatives or whatever Hachiro had dropped into that coffee of Izaya's, speaking, and yet he also knew that the raven had meant those words sincerely.

His heart had almost stopped when he thought Izaya had been hurt in his apartment and he heard his coughing. The moment when he saw that asshole, when Izaya said he had wanted to fuck him good while he couldn´t move-

The thought alone drove the blond insane.

And now, when he said they were somewhat friends he felt the immense urge to kiss the flea. Kiss him and say: no.

No, we are not friends.

But if they weren't friends, then what were they? Enemies?

No. Groaning the blond halted just beneath one of the many lanterns on his way as he let his hand brush through his hair.

Fuck. Just what was going on. What was he thinking about? Why was he thinking about Izaya so much? A week ago he would have headed to Izaya's apartment to kill the flea for annoying him this much when he wasn't even there, but now- he was actually running away from the raven. Why?

It made no sense, especially considering just how bad he wanted to see the flea all of a sudden. It was as though he was… missing him.

Fuck.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

What was even going on for fucks sake?

Having reached his apartment finally the blond pulled the key out of his pocket. Clattering and annoying it fell to the ground as the blond hadn't exactly been paying attention to only the key.

With an annoyed growl he picked it up from the dimly lit floor- that street lamp right in front of his apartment seriously needed to be fixed.

The floor was thrown open, a dark, silent and lonely room welcoming him as he loosened the ribbon tied around his neck and threw it somewhere into the corner of the living room.

Usually he wasn´t this careless with Kasuka´s clothes, but right now he seriously just didn't want to think about anything at all.

Izaya was confusing him enough as it was, he was probably just too tired.

Yeah, maybe that was just it. Lack of sleep- Izaya had woken him up way too early the other day and the last night he wasn't able to sleep well either due to having to think about all this complicated shit again.

Tiredness, he was going to blame it for his current mess.

The sound of his phone vibrating was reaching the blond´s ears making him groan for a second- he didn't want to look who wrote nor was he willing to reply.

Undressing and putting on his favourite white shirt he let himself drop into his bed.

Izaya was at Shinra´s, Shinra would know how to fix him and that bastard was somewhere on the street in the middle of Ikebukuro, beaten up and covered in blood. If he didn't die, then he was at least going to be arrested or something just because of the way he looked like he just committed some kind of murder.

Tomorrow he would deal with this.

And with that thought lingering on his mind he turned off the light and closed his eyes.

And really, this time he fell asleep fairly quickly.

After what felt like just a couple of seconds Shizuo could feel that lovely sleepy pressure making him drift off to some nice dreams.

Nice dreams.

Yeah, that was what he was hoping for.

Yet, somewhat half asleep, half awake the blond suddenly found himself inside Izaya's apartment. It didn't even take him a second to realize that he was dreaming right now, because he was not alone.

Izaya was there. But he wasn't in front of him, telling him something interesting again while looking down on him as though he were stupid, he wasn't annoying him either no.

He was next to him, on that black couch.

The moment Shizuo caught that crimson glance of his he jumped, thinking that this would be another dream like the last one, one where Izaya would totally not behave what he was supposed to behave like.

And he certainly wasn't wrong, but he wasn't entirely correct either.

This time Izaya was clothed for one thing. And entirely even. He was wearing one of his usual black sleeved shirts, one of those black trousers and those silver rings on each of his hands. He had noticed them during their fights, glimmering and reflecting the light in a way that sometimes made the blond think Izaya had thrown a knife when he had not.

Confused Shizuo swallowed, as he was sitting on the couch- the flea was next to him, and quiet. Izaya was never quiet.

Shizuo knew this was a dream and yet he couldn't help but think that he must have fucked up something if this dream Izaya remained silent like this.

It was dark outside, the huge glass window in Izaya's office was doing only a little to illuminate the actually dark room.

Faintly Shizuo could make out the sound of honking cars from down the street- the city was gleaming like a christmas tree from this perspective. Shizuo had to admit Izaya had a good taste regarding his apartment´s view.

Swallowing the blond looked at Izaya. The raven twisted his head just in that exact moment, startling the blond to silence again as he smiled at him.

"Something wrong Shizu-chan?" he suddenly asked making the blond shake his head instinctively. Well actually there was something wrong, since the blond had no idea why he was even here.

"I´m sure you are wondering what was so important you had to come over right away," the raven suddenly mumbled, filling the blond´s mystery with a bit more of context.

"Uh… yes," he mumbled quietly, deeming the answer as the only one ambiguous enough to not fuck anything up.

Suddenly Izaya was there- not just there, but closer- he had leaned over to the blond, those two lithe arms propping up on the couch as the raven leaned in.

"Well, it's because I have something to say to you," he chuckled, a soft hint of mischief reflecting in his eyes. "I guess you already know what it is, but I'm tired of waiting until you realize it by yourself."

By… himself? What was the flea talking about?

"You see Shizu-chan," the raven mumbled, but the words faded out towards the end as the raven leaned in and pressed his lips against the blond´s. Frozen for a moment the blond could do nothing but blink, and yet- his lips moved magically.

The flea wasn't humping against him this time, he wasn't out for anything sexual, that was clear, there was no tongue invading his mouth either. No purple invading his eyes. There were no heated glances, it was just that, his soft lips pressed against his own.

And yet Shizuo felt this was so much better than anything he had experienced so far.

The raven was chuckling, drawing away again. But Shizuo- suddenly it just overcame him and he reached out for the flea. His hands wrapped around the raven and he just.. pulled him close.

Felt that raven hair tickle his neck as Izaya chuckled against his shoulder. He felt that incredibly warmth inside his chest. Heard the way his heart beat so fast.

The flea was simply hugging him back, nothing out of the ordinary, nothing especially amazing, and yet Shizuo just felt so happy he had no words to describe this feeling with. Just holding Izaya close like this he felt-

"You love me."

Startled the blond shot up- The sheets were tangled, battling to wring his neck as he sky dived out of the mattress and right onto the ground next to the bed with a thud.

A groan was leaving his lips and the cruel rays of the sun sneaking inside his apartment from in between his curtains folds were gleaming right into his face.

It was morning. Obviously so.

And to his own surprise he wasn't tired anymore- he felt entirely recharged. Okay maybe a bit too charged.

Hand finding its way into his blond hair the blond just sat there on the ground, eyes opening and closing repeatedly.

A second passed, then another until a deep frown crossed his expression and a groan left his lips.

What the hell?

Was the flea seriously starting to annoy him even in his dreams now?!

he knew the lfea wasn´t exatly at fault for the shit he was dreaming about but damn this was all just beause of the way their relationship changed so drastically recently.

It was to be expected that hsi brain was going to come up with some kind of solution to this mixed mess during the night.

Using love as an explanation though.

Sighing the frown easened up jut a bit.

Swallowing the blond closed his eyes again. He could almost imagine his dream´s Izaya next to him, smirking, grinning looking as though he wanted to say, "You should see your monstrous expression Shizu-chan~!"

The hell, he was so going to murder the flea on the streets. the next time he met him he would make sure to hit him with one of those signs or catch him on the run.

The sound of his alarm going off was what snapped him out of his thoughts as he looked over to the device that managed to annoy him every single day.

… god his brain really had to be fucked up.

Getting up from the floor he tore the sheets away from his body and threw them back onto the bed. His phone, still resting on the small nightstand next to the bed was invading his sight during that movement and caused him to halt.

He had received a message the day before, before he went to bed- and this was the phone Izaya gave him.

Grasping the device so fast he almost cracked it by accident he unlocked the screen.

There was a message, from Izaya.

(Don't forget about tomorrow.)

Confused the blond looked at the sentence.

Tomorrow?

What about-

...oh.

Right.

Today was one of these days. One fo the "appointments". Calling it taht way seriously made the blond cringe in a way, but hey it was just that.

With a soft hint of annoyance the blond remembered that from now on they were going to meet every second day for a pretty damn long time. For how long even? Tilting his head the blond wondered for a second if he had ever heard of something like a dead line for the incubus business.

He didn't did he?

….

Curiosity was suddenly striking him- he had never cared to know much about what he was and what kasuka was- mainly because he didn't want too much info regarding his brother. Knowing that he had to have sex was already a thought that made him somewhat cringe and discard it quickly again.

But now that he was involved he wanted to know more about it.

…

Typing away on his phone a quick message was written, sloppy, awkward as he wasn´t really used to actually write messages on his phone and he pressed send.

to be continued~ C: