"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU…HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU…HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR UNCLE…HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!"

Spencer groggily opened his eyes and looked for the source of the deafening noise. Jessica was standing by his bed, her laptop on his nightstand. She had pulled up a video on YouTube and was smiling broadly at him. "Happy birthday! Sorry, I couldn't find a video for 'cousin'."

Spencer winced and rubbed his head. "Thanks. Next time, could you do it at about a quarter that volume?"

Jessica frowned and picked up her laptop. Moments later, she set it down again. "I have no idea how to adjust the volume."

Spencer sighed and took the laptop. After a brief search, he located the volume control and turned it down. That done, he looked up at his cousin again. "How did you even know when my birthday is? I've never told you."

"I asked Penelope," Jessica replied, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Of course," Spencer signed wryly. "I should have realized. I never told her either, she just looked it up."

Jessica nodded agreement. "I don't know why Derek thinks you're the one who knows everything. Penelope is the goddess of all knowledge. Now get up, I've got cinnamon rolls in the oven and they're almost done!"

This news spurred Spencer into action, and he quickly threw off the covers. He followed Jessica to the kitchen and found that she had already made him a coffee, extra sugar. Sitting next to it was a box. He opened it to reveal a Darth Vader helmet and mask.

"Happy early Halloween too," Jessica signed.

Spencer walked over to give her a hug. Then he pulled away and smiled at her. "I love you, you know that, right?"

Jessica smiled back at him. "I love you too, Spencer."

"So, Reid, has Jessica wished you a happy birthday?" Elle asked. So far, she had gathered that Reid and Jessica lived together, hadn't known each other very long, and seemed to be more than just roommates. She realized she could just ask him who Jessica was, but where would be the fun in that?

"Yes, actually," Reid said ruefully. "She woke me up this morning by blasting Happy Birthday in my ear. Apparently her laptop was set to maximum volume."

JJ giggled. "Whoops."

Morgan narrowed his eyes at Garcia. "Baby girl, did you have anything to do with that?"

"…I might have," Garcia admitted.

Reid shot her an annoyed look. "Thanks, now I know who to send my medical bills to when my eardrums blow out."

"Well, maybe you can make up for it by singing Happy Birthday at a reasonable volume," JJ suggested.

"Not until we light the candles!" Garcia said quickly, grabbing a handful from where they'd been sitting on Morgan's desk.

Reid sat by Elle in the San Diego police precinct, fiddling with a Rubik's Cube and waiting for their killer to call in. "Do you think it's weird that I knew that ballad?" he asked uncertainly.

Elle laughed, though not unkindly. "I don't know how it is you know half the things you know, but I'm glad you do."

"Do you think there's a woman out there who would want to date a guy who knows creepy death ballads and is raising a twelve-year-old girl?"

"Raising a—what?" Elle exclaimed, surprised. She hadn't seen that coming.

Reid frowned at her. "My cousin, Jessica. The girl who was in the BAU when we got back from the Palm Springs bomber case? I thought you knew about her, isn't that why you and JJ were talking about sign language?"

"She's your cousin?" Elle realized.

"Yes? Her parents died on February 5th and CPS finally tracked me down on March 6th. I was the only relative who could or would take her, so she's been living with me ever since."

"Oh." Elle took a moment to gather her thoughts. "Well, having a deaf girl around might be a turn-off for some women, but I doubt it would be a turn-off for all of them. Has any woman ever outright told you she wouldn't date you for that reason?"

Reid frowned again. "I've never actually asked anyone on a date."

"Well, that would be why you can't get one," Elle concluded. Reid began to look thoughtful, and Elle realized a potential problem. "Though I wouldn't lead by mentioning your cousin. Maybe bring her up after a date or two. Give a woman a chance to get to know you before bringing your family life into the mix."

Reid nodded, still looking thoughtful. "Thanks."

Elle smiled at him, then gave him a quizzical look. "So…it took CPS an entire month to find you? You didn't go to your aunt and uncle's funeral?"

"I didn't know they existed," Reid responded, his posture suddenly defensive. "Long story."

"All right," Elle relented, sensing that further questioning would be decidedly unwelcome.

Jessica woke up on Sunday morning when her phone vibrated inside her pillowcase. Pulling it out, she saw a text from Garcia. "Red alert. I just learned that today's football game was SUPPOSED to be a date between JJ and your sweet cousin, and I already bought my ticket."

"Why did you buy a ticket?" Jessica responded, confused.

"JJ invited me! She said it was bonding time for the youngest members of the team! But I don't want to ruin their date and my ticket is non-refundable, so I need your help. I'm buying you a ticket, you are coming along, and we are monitoring the situation while staying out of their way."

"Wait, why would JJ invite you on her date?"

"I don't know. My best guess is that boy wonder was being his endearingly awkward self and didn't make it clear that it WAS a date."

"What makes you so sure it is? He never asks anyone out, no matter how hard I try to convince him."

"My chocolate Adonis told me he's spent the last three days giving Reid advice about first dates, so I'm pretty sure it's a date."

Jessica still wasn't sure Spencer had actually meant this to be a date, but she wasn't about to pass up the opportunity to play matchmaker. "I'll go."

"Garcia and Jessica are missing a lot of the game," JJ noted.

"They haven't been eating or drinking nearly enough to warrant this many bathroom breaks," Reid mused. "And they always go together, never one or the other."

"You think they're up to something?" JJ suggested.

"They keep having private conversations that exclude us, yet they keep looking at us." Reid glanced over his shoulder. "And now they're standing around by the pretzel stand and watching us instead of the game."

"I only invited Garcia, she never said anything about bringing Jessica until they showed up together," JJ said thoughtfully. Suddenly, it hit her. "They're setting us up, aren't they."

"Setting us up for what?" Reid responded, alarmed.

"Setting us up as a couple, Spence," JJ said with a small laugh. Reid mumbled something that she couldn't quite catch, though it sounded vaguely like 'that was the idea'. Her eyes widened. "Wait…when you asked me…did you mean…"

"Well…I only asked you, so I thought it was going to be just us…I didn't know Jessica or Garcia were coming…"

JJ put her face in her hands. "Oh god, Spence, I'm so sorry." Taking a deep breath, she reached out to take his hand. "Well, if they see this, they'll probably leave us alone for a very long time."

"Y-yeah." Reid stared at her hand in his. He supposed it was nice. But it didn't seem anything like the many 15th century love stories his mother had read to him. Maybe he just needed to brush up on 21st century romance literature to figure out how he was supposed to be feeling right now.

On the plane back from Connecticut, Hotch noticed that Reid was buried deep in what looked like a trashy romance novel. He suddenly found himself highly tempted to ask how things had gone at the Redskins game. For all his profiling skills, he really didn't know how to interpret this.

"Don't ask," Gideon said with a chuckle. "I tried, and I'm sure his response could have won an award in a literary journal, but I still don't know where he and JJ stand with each other."

"Maybe Jessica knows," Hotch suggested.

"I asked her too. She said she thought it went well, but their good-bye was 'inconclusive'."

"Well, I doubt he was going to kiss his date in front of her," Hotch defended.

"True, but according to Jessica, she made sure they thought they were alone."

Hotch shook his head. "It's a good thing he's our teammate and not an unsub, because I don't know that we'd ever be able to nail down a profile on him."

"He's certainly one-of-a-kind," Gideon agreed.

"Do you think I should learn to shoot a gun?" Jessica suggested one morning at breakfast.

"Why would you need to shoot a gun?" Spencer demanded, surprised by her query.

"You have a job where you make enemies, and sometimes enemies go after families. I'm family." Jessica signed all this as if it were the most logical thing in the world.

"I doubt any of the unsubs we've captured would want to go after me," Spencer argued. "I haven't personally arrested or shot anyone."

"Yet."

Spencer sighed. "Even if I was willing to let you near guns, I probably wouldn't be the best teacher. I'm trying to practice for my requalification tomorrow, and it isn't exactly going well."

"Get one of the others to help you practice?"

"Hotch has been tutoring me."

Jessica idly stirred her oatmeal, trying to think of something else to say. "You'll get it," she signed at last.

"I hope so," Spencer signed nervously.

Jessica offered him a reassuring smile. As soon as he left for work, she texted Hotch, asking if he would consider teaching her too.

The next day at lunch, Jessica checked her phone and saw two texts from Spencer. The first saying that he had failed his gun qualification, the second saying that the team was heading to a case in Illinois. Jessica was very worried about Spencer going on a case without a gun…and even more glad that Hotch had agreed (with Spencer's reluctant permission) to teach her to shoot one.

Spencer got home very late at night, so Jessica didn't see him until the next morning. When she did, she immediately noticed two things: one, he had a gun again, and two, he had some ugly bruises. "What happened?!"

"I'm fine," Spencer signed evasively. He started the coffee machine.

Jessica glared at him. "You don't look fine."

"Just drop it," Spencer insisted, shooting her an irritated look. He winced, and his gaze softened. "Please."

"All right," Jessica reluctantly relented. She waited until Spencer became engrossed in his morning novel, then pulled out her phone to text Gideon. "What happened to Spencer on the case?"

"He's not talking about it?" came Gideon's reply.

"No. He's bruised and upset and I'm worried about him."

It took nearly a minute before Gideon replied again. "He and Hotch got into a confrontation with the unsub. I think it's best you hear the details from him, but not until he's ready."

"Is he okay?" Jessica asked worriedly.

"I've given him what advice I can. I think he'll be all right, but time will tell."

"Okay, thanks." Jessica put her phone away and shot another worried look at her cousin.

Hotch had arranged to take Jessica to the FBI shooting range that Saturday. By the time the weekend arrived, Jessica was even more worried about Spencer. He'd begun working on some kind of project in his room, taping pictures all over his walls, and he still refused to talk about what had happened. Many of the pictures appeared to be of the same man. Jessica wondered if he was someone Spencer had failed to save.

When Hotch picked up Jessica, he shot a worried look in the direction of Spencer's closed door. "Has Reid told you what happened in Illinois?" he asked, somewhat nervously.

Jessica shook her head. "No. I asked Gideon, but he said Spencer should be the one to tell me."

Hotch sighed. "He's probably right. But when Reid does tell you…I just want you to know I did what I had to in order to get us out of there alive, and I'm still sorry for it."

This worried Jessica even more, but she could tell that Hotch wasn't going to say anything else on the matter.

When they reached the range, Hotch grabbed two pairs of ear coverings and held one out to Jessica. She raised her eyebrows at him. "What's that for?"

"Guns are very loud. Shooting without ear protection can destroy your…" Hotch looked down at the ear coverings, then grimaced. "I suppose you don't really need this, but we'll attract attention if you don't wear them."

"What did you say? I couldn't hear you over all the guns," Jessica joked, taking the ear covering.

Hotch actually cracked a smile, which Jessica considered a small victory. He put on his own ear coverings, then began a lesson on safety procedures. Finally, after what felt like forever, he took her to a shooting lane and took out one of his guns.

Jessica had only been shooting for a couple minutes when Hotch gently put a hand on her shoulder. When she turned to look at him, he was smiling even more broadly than he had at her joke. "I'm sorry, we'll have to cut this short," he signed. "Haley's in labor."

"Haley's in labor?!" Jessica repeated excitedly. She just barely remembered to put the gun down before giving Hotch a big hug. "What are we waiting for? Let's go!"

"I can drop you off at Spencer's…"

"No, you have to hurry to the hospital!" Jessica insisted. "It's okay, I don't mind!"

"Thanks," Hotch signed, relieved.

Countless hours later, Jessica was still sitting in the hospital waiting room. She had texted Spencer to let him know where she was, but he hadn't responded. She was worried again. And hungry. And bored. She'd texted Beth and Claire to ask if she could hang out with them, but they were trying to replicate the 'physics magic' that Spencer had showed them last weekend and were determined to figure it out on their own. With nothing else to do, Jessica had read every tabloid magazine in the waiting room, and she now knew more than she'd ever wanted to about the engagement of some actress named Natalie Ryan and the various bikinis worn by another actress named Lila Archer.

At some point after sunset, Spencer finally texted to say he was coming to get her. A few minutes later, Hotch came back into the waiting room. He looked surprised to see Jessica. "Spencer hasn't picked you up yet?"

"He's on his way," Jessica replied. "Finally."

Hotch nodded. "Would you like to meet J-A-C-K?"

Jessica perked up. "Sure."

Hotch led Jessica to Haley's room. Haley looked exhausted, though she was smiling. A woman with curly blonde hair stood next to the bed, holding a baby in a blue blanket. "This is my colleague's cousin, Jessica," Hotch introduced, speaking and signing. "Jessica, this is Haley's sister, also named Jessica."

"Nice to meet you," the other Jessica said, smiling. "You can call me Jess, if that makes it less confusing."

"Nice to meet you too," Jessica replied, Hotch interpreting for her. She walked over for a closer look at the baby. "He's so cute!"

Jess shared a look with Haley, who nodded. "Would you like to hold him?"

Jessica did not register that anyone had spoken, her eyes still locked on the baby. Hotch gently tapped her shoulder and repeated the question. She readily agreed, and soon she was carefully balancing the baby in her arms. She still could hardly believe how tiny he was.

Eventually, Jessica's phone vibrated in her pocket, and she gave Jack back to Haley so she could look at the text. Spencer had arrived and was waiting outside. Jessica texted him back to ask if he wanted to meet the baby too, but he declined. Jessica reluctantly signed her farewells and went to meet him in the parking lot.

"Are Haley and the baby okay?" Spencer asked when she got to the car.

"Yes."

Spencer smiled slightly at that, though he still looked somewhat troubled. "That's good. I fed Patches, by the way."

"And he didn't bite you?"

"No. I think he might actually like me now."

"Told you," Jessica signed smugly.

"Buckle up," Spencer replied, not rising to her bait.

When they got home, Spencer sat on the couch and patted the seat cushion next to him. Curious and hopeful, Jessica sat next to him. He took a deep breath and began signing. "I'm sorry I've been acting so weird, these past few days. The last case…it hit me hard."

Jessica raised her eyebrows. "I noticed. Are you okay now?"

"I'm getting there," Spencer replied with a half-hearted shrug. "Our case in Illinois…the unsub was an ER nurse. When he realized we were onto him, he took me, Hotch and the entire waiting room hostage. Hotch said a lot of…nasty things about me to get the unsub to sympathize with him, then he convinced the unsub to let him 'kick the snot' out of me so I could reach the gun in his ankle holster. It worked. And I…" Spencer swallowed. "I shot the unsub in the head."

Jessica stared at her cousin, wide-eyed. "You killed him?"

Spencer nodded. "His gun was on automatic. Anything less than a kill shot, and he would have gone down shooting."

Jessica swallowed. She'd long had a fantasy of her cousin as some gun-toting action hero, but now that she'd seen the aftermath of him actually shooting someone…suddenly, it didn't seem so awesomely heroic any more. This wasn't some movie; a real person was dead. Completely, utterly dead. End of story. And Spencer had to live with that. "I'm sorry."

"Thanks." Spencer sighed. "I saved Hotch, myself, and all those people in the ER. It's taken a while for me to fully process that, but deep down I know I did the right thing. I still wish it could have ended differently."

"I'm glad you're alive to tell the tale." An idea struck her, and Jessica ran to grab Patches. She returned to the living room and plopped the gerbil on Spencer's lap. "And Patches is glad too. We love you, Spencer."

Spencer managed a small smile. "I love you too."