*****A Cursed Existence*****

Entry 2: My First Day in Mass Effect

AN: Alrighty then, review time; and you know what? As this is my first self-insert story, I believe the responses should be special. Let's see if you can figure out how. (The hint is in the story's genre.)

Immadeafginger25: Much appreciated. I hope my adventures/misadventures can keep your interest.

arispuffer: I think it's simply because most authors don't believe people want to read a story about an SI turned alien in general, and as such tend to write something more familiar instead: having the SI almost always be human (lucky SOB's…). Oh and you're welcome; it may not have been fun to go through, but I'll admit to having gotten many fond memories which I'm willing to share with you all.

Prometheus-777: Uh, right, so, long. [Covered in a PM]

Tom712: *stares for several seconds with an eye twitching, eventually breaking out into maniacal laughter, and then settling down with a crazed look in my eyes* Nice.

Blaze1992: DAMN STRAIGHT! Except I don't drink because I like having full control over my body… and besides that, most of the drinks I can find here glow in the dark, and I really don't want to find out why… *siiigghhhh* That's Mass Effect for you… well, there's always fruit juice and milk, I suppose.

Now then, that's out of the way, so let's get into it.

Note on the time provided: I'll only use "human time" for the official dates here, and EST will always be Earth Standard Time in this story. Just to clarify.

I sent a final glance towards the mirror and nodded at the asari – at myself, I was unpleasantly reminded when I nodded in the reflection. After that, I walked through the bathroom door, only mildly surprised when it opened automatically.

Well of course it did; probably does that whenever it detects movement, just like any random sliding door from back home… back home… I'm never going back, am I?

I received no answer to that, erasing what little hope I had left that I'd have someone or something explain the situation to me, and I shook my head to force my attention back on the present.

Looking around the bedroom I decidedly did not look out the window again, and quickly noticed the pile of clothes I tripped over earlier. At being reminded of my current state of undress and precisely what I'd just seen in the mirror, my hormones – or whatever equivalent I now had – finally caught up with my mind, and I had to resist the urge to examine myself further.

It was proving rather difficult.

Great, so now I'm attracted to my own body… although in this case I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Wait, so does that make me straight or gay now? Neither? Both? Or is it, by asari standards, perfectly normal to be attracted to other asari?

I spent a few moments pondering the answer to that before shaking my head. Oh forget it; I'm pretty sure asari don't live by human rules about what is or isn't normal anyway, so it's not like it's important now. Where was I again? Right: clothes!

Not wasting another second I went straight for the pile, grabbed what I thought looked like a shirt, and moved to put it on.

After struggling with trying to put my arms through the pant legs for a good ten seconds, I groaned in frustration and figured out what I'd actually picked up; dropping it and then grabbing the other piece of clothing and actually looking it over this time.

Fortunately for me, it was a t-shirt. A weird purplish-blue one with a logo that I assumed was a sports team on its chest with the words "Go Comets!" underneath, but a t-shirt. It was only when I took another look at the words that I realized something: the series of wavy circles and half circles reminiscent of musical notes was anything but English.

I took a deep breath, limiting my reaction to just cracking my neck so fast it hurt, and let the breath out. "But of course I can understand whatever it is! That must be in asari, and I'm an asari after all!" I said with fake cheerfulness, sarcasm lacing every word, followed by a weary sigh.

Ohhhh yeah… this voice is going to take a while to get used to…

Slipping on the shirt, and thankfully not catching it on my crest – and isn't that a weird thought – I then picked up the pants and pulled them on one leg at a time, avoiding looking downward until they were past my waist; and I was glad it was apparently the future version of sweatpants, as I didn't need to do any manual adjustments for them to fit. Once that was done I felt as if I was forgetting something, but couldn't quite figure out what.

Shirt: check. Pants: check. Under… wear… oh. Right. Well then. I paused as a realization suddenly dawned on me. I have to wear a bra and panties now…

"Huh. Okay. That's a problem for later I guess," was all I could say to that thought, somehow utterly numb to it at this point.

Prompted by old habits, and wishing to drag myself away from thinking about anything related to women's underwear and me wearing it, I dug around in my pockets to try and find my phone; and just before I stopped myself at remembering these weren't really my pants, I felt a small wristband in my left pocket. Curious, I pulled it out to get a look at it: it was made from a transparent material with one half being completely clear and stretchy like rubber, and the other half being harder and holding a long, thin, metal casing of some kind inside the material. Acting on a hunch, I slipped it onto my left arm and moved my left hand around in random patterns.

A minute later, when I flicked my wrist up, what I was hoping for finally happened: a flash of orange light spread up my arm to the elbow, immediately followed by it forming into straight lines and patterns that looked exactly like what I'd seen straight from the games, except far more aesthetically pleasing now that I was looking at in in reality.

"YES! YES, YES, YES! YES PLEASE! WOOOO! I HAVE A REAL, WORKING, OMNI-TOOL, BITCHES!" I yelled enthusiastically.

When there wasn't a reply (not that I expected one) I felt myself blush a little in embarrassment, even though I was alone as far as I knew, and cleared my throat. "Right, so let's see here… password?" I blinked at that; not even caring that I knew what each letter of the keyboard was and how they were used appropriately to form words, even without knowing the name of the letters themselves.

Well of course it has a password! What, did you just think everyone in Mass Effect lets what's basically their phone be left open for anyone to look through? I mentally berated myself, before taking a moment to try and guess at it.

"Hmm… ah, why not. I'll just try 'Athame.' Might be a worth a shot. Asari and all that," I said with a shrug, and began the almost painfully slow process of finding and tapping the letters that formed the word; unused to the completely alien layout.

Literally alien, now that I think about it… heh.

To my complete and utter surprise, it actually worked!

"Well… that's…" I muttered, stretching the s, "certainly convenient. Too convenient," I paused in thought, my right hand hovering over the digital keyboard.

Rather than waste any more time trying to figure out how I just "happened" to guess right on my first attempt, I got back on track and focused on the first thing that came to mind now that I knew the omni-tool worked for me; and I looked for and quickly found what appeared to be a search bar. Whether or not it connected to the future version of the internet – it's called the extranet here, unless I'm mistaken – I didn't know, but it was worth a shot.

Let's see here… how to word this… ah, I know! 'What is the current date and time for my location by human standard measurements?'

The information told me all I needed to know and more; making me wonder where exactly in this soon-to-be godforsaken galaxy I really was.

November 3rd, 2182, 6:53 am EST, Caliphera Frontier, Luara System, Asari Republics' world Calabsa, Northern Continent, Taria Republic.

Oh, so I'm on Calabsa… WHERE THE HELL IS CALABSA?!

I entered the question in, simply doing so an exercise in patience because of my technological unfamiliarity (at least with an omni-tool anyway) and the answer I received was, and I quote: "Calabsa is an Asari Republics' colony world in the Luara System of the Caliphera Frontier."

So yeah. Not exactly helpful.

*siiiiiigggghhhh* Another problem for later. At least it looks like I have a few months to get my act together before everything goes down. Now that I think about it though… should I even get involved? I mean won't Shepard be able to handle it with or without me helping him… or her… okay, so another question then. 'Who is Commander Shepard of the Systems Alliance?'

While I probably should've expected it, I was unprepared for the quite literally thousands of links about Shepard. Fortunately, the topmost one gave a basic biography for him according to Alliance public records, and it was in fact a him, not a her.

Alright… born and raised on starships for the duration of his childhood… is known to avoid civilian casualties as much as possible even at the risk of his own life… defended the colony of Elysium from batarian raiders almost singlehandedly… Okay, so: Spacer, Paragon, War Hero. Looking good so far. What about character class? Hmm… not much information about his combat abilities. Oh well; not really that important right now.

Having learned what I wanted to, I decided against reading the thousands of other stories and articles about "John Shepard's heroic record" or whatever other attention grabbing headline was shown and instead tried to turn my omni-tool off. Thinking that if flicking my wrist up turned it on, I flicked it down to see if the reverse was true.

It was.

Alright, now that that's handled, time to explore the rest of this place.

Once more looking around, I noticed an odd bulge under the sheets on the bed.

Huh. Weird. How come I didn't notice that before now? It almost looks like a perso- I interrupted the thought when I got closer and found out that yes: it was, in fact, a person. Another asari to be precise, judging by the rather obvious blue head sticking out the top of the covers and resting on a pillow.

Weeellllll shit… this just got complicated. At that thought, I resisted the urge to facepalm.

More complicated. It just got more complicated. *siiiiggghhhh* Right, let's get this over with.

"Hey, it's morning," I said to the woman quietly after walking to her side of the bed, it being all I could come up with on the spot, but I didn't get a reaction. "Then again, she did manage to sleep through me yelling like a kid on Christmas morning…" I muttered.

"Hey, time to get up!" I tried a little louder; not yelling or anywhere near it but certainly loud enough for her to hear. When she still didn't move, I felt a sense of unease creep over me. Brushing off the feeling, I reached towards her partially exposed shoulder so I could shake her awake.

"Come on, I know you can-" I froze in place at feeling the coldness of her skin and stared at the unmoving expression on her face, eventually yanking my hand back as if it'd been burned; old memories coming to the forefront of my mind. I was five years old when I first went to a funeral. And while it wasn't the last, the memories of that first one are still the most vivid all these years later no matter how many I attend, and for good reason. It was my own mother's.

She died in a car accident; there was nothing overly special about the accident, it was like any of the thousands of others that took place that year to thousands of other people, but obviously it wasn't "just another accident" to my family. I was too young at the time to really understand what was happening, at least not beyond knowing that Mom would never be able to make us dinner again, or help me learn how to read "big words" anymore, but the one thing I still remember perfectly clearly to this day was the warmth she provided when I sat on her lap or gave her a hug. It was the most frightening thing I noticed about her when she was in the casket about to be buried and I was allowed to touch her one last time: not so much the lack of warmth as the all-encompassing coldness of her body. It took me several more years to properly realize what her death truly meant, but the cold I felt that day was something that even as I child I understood was simply wrong.

And now, in a completely different universe, I felt that same cold coming from the skin of a woman that not even a day prior I knew belonged to a fictional alien race.

A shiver went up my spine when I fully looked at her: the partially open eyes; mouth frozen in a smile; and what, even to my eyes, was an unhealthy shade of pale blue for her skin. "You're dead…" I said, more for my own benefit than hers, and just stood there watching her; waiting for even the slightest movement to prove me wrong. Or more appropriately: I was hoping for her to move.

It took a minute for me to realize that hope was in vain, as not even her chest moved to indicate she was breathing.

I have a corpse… laying in the same bed I woke up in… and one I have a feeling that my new body's previous occupant slept with…

While I wasn't really able to think of anything important at that exact moment – the memory of the woman's cold skin still fresh in my mind – one possible explanation for what happened made itself known, and it was positively nauseating.

Oh no… just no… Please don't tell me my body used to belong to a necrophiliac!

Thankfully, I'd already burned through too much energy to really panic so soon after having already done so, which meant I was slowly and tiredly rationalizing it rather than losing control again; closing my eyes for a long moment and only opening them when I thought I could handle it.

Try and be calm; running around and screaming my head off isn't going to help explain anything. Start with where it began. First: I woke up in an alien body in Mass Effect. No idea why or how, and without more information, I'll never know; even with that hypothetical information, I may never know. Second: I'm not on any of the worlds important to the games' plot. Taking that into account, I should be relatively safe if I stay here… or this might be one of the worlds the Reapers steamroll that was never shown in the games. And I have no way to know whether it is or isn't. Third: there's an asari corpse in my bed. All I know about that, or at least think I know, is that the… "asari me" probably slept with her. And if that smile is anything to go by, either she died while awake a few hours before I myself woke up, or she died just after the… "action" ended. I'm not sure which is worse…

Thinking over all the details, I quickly arrived at a conclusion; deciding to verbalize it so as to make the foundation of the plan I was forming more concrete. "I am now, for a reason that may not even be important, an asari; I am stuck on a relatively minor planet in relation to galactic events to come; and I have a corpse to decide what to do with. Now, if this was any other situation, I would call the police upon finding a body sitting in my home; but considering I have no way of knowing if she died naturally or if 'I' was the one to kill her, that isn't an option."

I sighed and ran a hand through my hai-over my crest. I ran a hand over my crest, sighing again at my missing hair, and took note of how it curved and tapered off at the end. Following that I moved my hand to the back of my head, finding, to my surprise, a second set of – tentacles? Tendrils? Lets go with tendrils – tendrils beneath the exterior set. Moving the smaller tendrils around proved easy and quite distracting due to their sensitivity; both of which making me want to continue it so as to keep myself from succumbing to the urge telling me to just sleep on all my problems. Eventually, the odd yet relaxing sensation from that new portion of my body proved to be enough to allow me to think over what to do now.

"Right, the 'corpse problem' can wait; not like it can get up and walk away…" I stared at the corpse in question warily. "At least I hope not… oh, I am soooo going to hate Husks when they become a thing…" I said in an attempt to find something funny about my situation; in truth only partially joking. It did the job, if only slightly, and I huffed at my own words before turning away from the bed and what was on it, now looking at the rest of the room.

That was when I noticed two more doors not leading to the bathroom. Picking one at random, I go through it.

A walk-in closet. Niiiiccceee.

Deciding to look at all the clothes and shoes inside of it later, and ignoring the sudden urge to try some of them on, I walked out of the closet and went through the other door. It lead to a hallway with a stairway at the end and several other doors to go through in-between.

This is going to take a while, isn't it?

November 3rd, 2182, 9:02 am EST.

"Finally!" I said, accompanied by sitting and then laying down on the couch I'd found in the living room of the ground floor. A very comfy couch at that.

The first hour of my exploration was spent going into every room I came across and subsequently marveling at the casual displays of wealth and advanced technology; each room filled with sculptures, paintings, and other works of art that could only be described as extravagant. The house I found myself in, that I may or may not own – I found myself leaning towards the former thanks to a number of pictures, a few portraits, and even a to-scale model around a foot tall that were all of me, or rather the asari I am now – was easily a small mansion by every definition I knew up to this point.

The floor I started on was the top of three, if you counted the basement. The top floor had what I assumed was the master bedroom (the one I woke up in), three guestrooms with accompanying beds and smallish closets that were mostly empty, and a large bathroom that was easily twice the size of the one in the master bedroom with a hot tub perfect built for upwards of four people. On the other side of the hallway, as I went through the doors on my right first, there was only a single door and, my curiosity piqued, I went through it… into a four car garage with three cars parked inside of it.

Now there was something strange about that that I didn't quite get at first: why would there be a large sliding door in the ceiling, and why would the garage be anywhere besides on ground level? And then it hit me: skycars. Considering this is Mass Effect I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, but the fact I now owned three literal flying cars… well, let's just say it felt like my birthday came early this year… right up until I realized I didn't know how to drive/fly them.

Leaving that problem to the growing list of "stuff to look into later," I left the garage behind and made for the stairs. The ground floor was where my expectations were truly surpassed: more paintings and sculptures, a pair of offices that looked like they'd seen regular use, a sizeable living room/lounge, and a kitchen and dining room that were built to serve a dozen people without issue. What I was really amazed by, however, was the view offered by a wall spanning series of windows on one side of the dining room: at the time I was there it was apparently the equivalent of early afternoon locally, and I was greeted by the sight of a small but serene private lake with a forest as the backdrop; a few animals that I obviously didn't recognize drinking from the water.

It was, in a word, breathtaking, and I could easily imagine and anticipate what it would look like during sunset.

After admiring the view for a few minutes, I went back to the stairway and followed it down to the final floor of the mansion: the basement. Although to call it a basement would be doing it a disservice; it was more like a combination of a gym, entertainment center (I couldn't wait to watch something on that positively massive tv, or holomonitor, or whatever it's called), and miniature bathhouse, all rolled into one. The nice thing about the way it was designed was that the screen was placed on a wall facing both bathhouse and gym, but the two areas had a thin dividing wall placed between them that I assume was intended for privacy of a sort; meaning that no matter where you were, you could watch something while you were down there. I had every intention to enjoy it in the future.

In that vein: it turns out that an asari gym involves roughly the same exercise routine as a human one, as I noticed something vaguely like a treadmill, a self-explanatory barbell with some odd looking weights still on it, and a strangely designed punching bag. What I didn't recognize was a series of large, metal balls with a flat bottom and numbers on the front that I assumed were weight. The only thing I could think of was that they had something to do with training biotics, which added yet another thing to my "stuff to look into later" list.

Leaving the basement behind, and promising myself to come back later, I decided to explore the final area of my "newly acquired" property: the grounds outside. Compared to the interior decorations, I was almost disappointed at how normal the lawn surrounding the mansion was: no statues, no fountains, no bushes trimmed into the shape of an animal, nothing. The only noteworthy features were a stone path that lead from the back door to the front; towards the lake around a hundred feet away and what I assumed was a small dock of sorts; and to a shack-like building around halfway between the lake and the mansion that I investigated. It ended up being a tool shed from what I could tell; various tools inside it built for both familiar and unfamiliar purposes but tools nonetheless, and a large, blocky device similar in both form and function to an incinerator at the back of the shed.

After that it was an easy choice to spend the next hour walking around the edge of the lake and taking in the delightfully natural environment, only occasionally disturbed by what I now identified as small ships or shuttles passing by overhead on their way to the city in the distance; said city occluded by the… by my mansion, I finally decided to label it as such from my current position on my almost criminally comfortable couch.

Now that I think about it: the yard outside, while not really special, was very well-maintained; same with the lack of dirt, dust, and grime here inside. There's no way I'm the one that maintains all that, right? I wonder… did "I" just hire someone or multiple someones to handle the day-to-day upkeep around here? And if so, then where are they? Even taking into account the body upstairs, this place is too big for only two people to take care of; so how is it all done?

I laid there for several minutes trying to figure it out, the cushions seemingly getting more comfortable as time went on, only to receive an answer to my question in the form of an electronic *ding!* coming from my omni-tool. I didn't need to wonder what it was as even here, far, far away from home, I could tell what a notification alert sounded like.

Okay then, what have we here; a message maybe? Alarm? This universe's version of Youtube telling me a video just came out for someone "I'm" subscribed to?

It turned out to be none of those; it being an alert that the "cleaning crew," who or whatever they were supposed to be, was about to begin, surprise, surprise, cleaning. It wasn't until a pair of oval shaped drones simply appeared out of a previously unnoticed hole in the wall to my left – subsequently catching me off-guard and startling me – that I figured out what it really meant.

Not having anything better to do, I just watched them float about and wave a flickering blue light over tabletops, bookshelves – a part of my mind informing me that according to in-game dialogue: physical, and especially paper-based, books were rather ironically expensive and seen as a sign of wealth in this universe – and eventually cleaning even the floor itself. Once they were done, they disappeared into the same hole they arrived through; and I had to admit that the room did look a little cleaner than it was before they showed up.

My omni-tool once more dinged, and the message this time was to inform me the "crew" was now cleaning the apparently named "relaxation floor" – otherwise known as the basement. As I was no longer laying down on the luxurious couch cushions, and starting to feel a little hungry, I decided that I may as well get up and have a look at what was in the rather large refrigerator in my kitchen.

Walking into the kitchen and opening the door to the fridge, I can find only a single word to describe the options I had in terms of food: weiirrrd.

"Why does everything look like a combination of spaghetti noodles and jello; sushi, calamari, and ribs all rolled into one; or cake with spinach inside of it?" I muttered; not expecting, nor wanting, an answer.

Avoiding the more alien food for when I was feeling braver – or, far more likely, desperate – I instead grabbed a fruit that looked reminiscent of a purple apple with tiny bumps on its skin. It tasted far sweeter than I was used to, but I didn't mind; it was juicy enough to be tasty without being messy, and I was just happy it didn't require any special preparation to be eaten.

I was so busy eating and examining the fruit that I missed a series of footsteps behind me, "Do you require anything, Mistress?"

"GAH!" I yelled at the voice; twisting around and holding the fruit like a baseball I was ready to throw.

At seeing what looked like an asari version of Edi, even down to the same mixed light grey/dark grey color scheme, I just stood there and stared in bewilderment; the only real difference between the two being Edi's "hair" having been replaced with a crest made of what looked like rubber, along with a bright blue glow emanating beneath said crest, and the lack of a visor over its eyes.

Whatever it was, it made no move besides standing there and smiling pleasantly at me. After a minute of this – I had no idea how to react to yet another shock to my system – its expression turned from a smile into what appeared to be concern. "Is something the matter, Mistress?" it asked in a worried tone; its crest glow having turned into a pale and pulsing yellow.

"Huh? What?" was all I managed in response.

"Apologies if my vocabulator was unfocused, Mistress V'Seila," it said, sounding genuinely apologetic, and its crest glow changed to a deep purple. "I asked: 'Is something the matter, Mistress?'"

"What was that you called me? And who is it?" I asked in turn, grabbing onto the only thing that made any sense about what it, or rather, what she – judging by the voice and body – said; and also hoping to get some useful personal information about my new life.

She looked confused for a second, glow changing to a pale green, before the simulated emotion – at least I hoped that's what it was – disappeared and was replaced with the same pleasant smile and bright blue glow that she started with. "I called you Mistress V'Seila, and Mirilley V'Seila is my owner as well as the owner of the manor and attached land where my current work assignments are: groundskeeper, maid, visitor greeter, chef, driver, mail sorter, and personal assistant," she listed off without stopping for a breath; and I had to remind myself that she didn't need to breathe.

Holy hell, she practically fills every job I could ever need to help keep the place running. My own robot butler… I thought with an internal grin. And just like that: there's an answer to three of the questions on my list. Name: check. Whether or not I own this mansion and property: check. How it's all kept clean and trimmed: check. Now for a few questions that need answering sooner rather than later.

"Who and what are you? What's your job here?" I asked the machine, and paused to think of another question that just came to mind. "And how come this is the first time I'm seeing you since I woke up today?"

She maintained her smile and glow and, somehow, seemed to take pride in her answer, as her glow brightened and smile increased in size. "The name you gave me upon my activation is Aena, and I am a unique and custom-built Personal Assistance Virtual Intelligence and Mobile Platform; designed and manufactured by Armali Council on a private order from Mirilley V'Seila, an influential but reclusive member of Armali Council's Board of Directors, 22 Galactic Standard years ago. My 'job' is whatever you, Mirilley V'Seila, my owner and creator, decide it is, as I can carry out any number of tasks when given the appropriate operational programs outlining how to do so. Previously, I was performing the scheduled maintenance and foliage trimming duties by the estate's front gate, which is why I have not been in your immediate vicinity until now."

I blinked at that, apparently having not fully explored the property like I believed and again surprised at how quickly she said all of it, and looked back at the refrigerator, deep in thought. "Hmm, so a VI then… One of your current jobs is 'chef,' correct?"

"Yes Mistress."

Suppose I should test that later. But then again… if "Mirilley" has had her around for 22 years, I have a feeling she must be at least semi-decent at whatever job she's assigned to.

Thinking over the possibilities, I arrived at another pressing question. "Are you capable of self-defense or operating firearms?"

"Yes," she replied simply after a moment in an intimidatingly deep voice, her glow changing to an almost menacing red and her lips an even line; and I watched as a forearm length blade extended from above her left hand's wrist and a section of her right thigh popped out, revealing a pistol that she drew and extended to its full length while going into what I identified as a combat stance of some type. Carnifex, a part of my mind provided when I got a closer look at the gun. She then rotated her upper body left-to-right and back again; reminding me of an automated turret.

My eyes did their best effort to pop out of their sockets at the total transformation of the previously charming and polite VI to "murderbot 2,000" and I felt my jaw lower somewhat.

Well… at least I don't need to worry about burglars.

Shaking my head to focus back on the present, I finally spoke up again. "Um, you can stand down now; there aren't any combatants that need dealing with."

After making one last sweep, she replaced the pistol in what I decided to call her "thigh holster," and the blade retracted back into her arm without a sound; her bright blue glow and pleasant smile returning. "Is there anything else you require, Mistress?"

"Uh, no, no, that was everything for now. You can go back to your duties," I said, and she gave me a strange little half-bow before turning around. That was when I remembered the… small problem upstairs in my bedroom.

"Wait, there was one more thing: there's…" I paused to find the right word, but reminded myself that as Aena was a VI it was probably better to just be blunt, "a corpse in my bed. Do you have any suggestions on what to do with it?" I asked, more to see how she would answer than anything else.

Disturbingly, neither her smile nor her glow changed even a fraction; and she replied to my question almost happily. "Your standing orders are to dispose of any organic waste labeled 'corpses,' 'bodies,' or 'dead home invaders' via the incinerator in the tool shed. Do you wish to modify or rescind these orders?" Aena asked me in a kind and curious tone; as if we were discussing what I wanted for dinner rather than what I wanted done with someone's body.

That, more than anything else, set off red flags in my head about what "I" used to be like as a person, but I honestly had no better idea on what to do in this situation. "Er, no, I don't. Do what's usually done when this happens."

She gave me another half-bow before heading for where I knew the stairs were, and as I had nothing to do at the moment, I walked behind her until I reached a conveniently placed wall to lean on that gave me line of sight to the stairway; absently taking another bite of the fruit in my hand as I was still hungry. Unsurprisingly, it didn't taste as sweet anymore.

Just shy of a minute later, Aena came back down the stairway with the stiff, nude, and dead asari in a bridal carry; obviously uncaring for the deceased woman's decency. Not wanting to, at the moment anyway, discover if asari can have something equivalent to a boner – and doubly so considering it would be because of a quite literal stiff – I instead admired one of the many works of art in my mansion… my mansion… I then felt a sort of almost childish giddiness about how I could actually have that thought in the first place without it being a distant fantasy.

I was pulled out of my art viewing when I heard a muffled *swish* from the backdoor, telling me that Aena was now outside and heading for the tool shed.

"What a day…" I muttered now that I was alone again. "I go to bed wondering about how the election will end up going, only to wake up and find literally everything about my life different," I practically growled, only to pause and think over something I just now noticed. "Wait… election day… according to what my omni-tool said: today's November 3rd, albeit over a century and a half in the future. No way that's a coincidence."

I went into the dining room with that thought in mind and sat down in a sinfully comfortable chair (shocking, I know), and looked out over my private lake: catching sight of smoke rising from a chimney-like tube in the tool shed's roof, and knowing exactly what was being done right now inside of said building. In spite of that, and in spite of all the worries about the future I now had the time to think over, it still didn't manage to detract from the view. And while I knew the peaceful scenery I could see from here wouldn't last, I decided to ingrain the imagery into my head; if only so that even if I wanted to leave this planet, Calabsa, behind for whatever reason, I at least had a small memory of the place.

"November 3rd…" I repeated the date quietly, almost whispering. "If that wasn't planned by something, then I'm secretly an angel in disguise. Why couldn't the 'random omnipotent being' that dropped me here explain all this before I was forced into the body of… well… me? Isn't that what's supposed to happen in these types of stories?" no answer was forthcoming, and when no flash of light or sudden darkness engulfed me, I felt like I might never get one.

Sighing, I continued to watch the lake; and as such quickly noticed it when Aena walked out from the tool shed lacking an asari corpse. And then it hit me: with a VI that's been around "Mirilley" for the past two decades, and with easy access to the extranet, I didn't really need a ROB to explain everything to me. In fact, without one of said beings giving me any orders or goals or what have you, I had complete freedom to do whatever I wanted here.

"Yeah… yeah! Take that, you God wannabe, or whatever you are! So you won't help me adjust? Won't give me a human body? Won't even give me a man's body, even if it's an alien one?! Well screw you! I refuse to be your entertainment!" I ranted just below a yell into thin air, knowing I wouldn't get a response… which is why the amused snorts and girlish laughter of a child coming from seemingly nowhere and everywhere at once chilled me to the fucking bone.

When the laughter faded, and after I recovered from the damn near panic attack said laughter brought on, I looked around frantically to try and locate the source. As expected: none was found.

Okaaayyy… note to self: do not, under any circumstances, talk about or attempt to talk to the theoretical ROB that sent me here. Also note to self: take a looonnngg, relaxing bath in that hot tub upstairs. And while I'm taking that dip in the tub, try my absolute best to forget today ever happened. That sounds like a good short-term plan to me.

Nodding to myself, I got up and headed towards the stairs… and felt a shiver run up my spine at hearing a sudden *swish* from somewhere in the house. I breathed a sigh of relief when I realized it was just Aena coming inside, and decided to take full advantage of having what was essentially a tireless and wholly dedicated butler at my beck and call.

"Aena!" I called out in the direction of the backdoor.

"Yes, Mistress V'Seila?" the VI called back, quickly coming into view in the hallway dividing the middle of my mansion.

"I'll be taking an extended bath. Have a change of clothes and my favorite meal ready for me when I finish," I told her, deciding to bite the bullet in regards to my current food options.

"Of course, Mistress! Do you have a preference for today's outfit?"

"Um, no, just pick what I usually wear," I replied, unsure of my options and deciding to go with the easy way out. It was admittedly a temporary solution, but I refused to force myself to dig through several closets worth of clothes to find something that was "just right" on my first day here.

"Of course, Mistress. I'll lay them out for you while you bathe."

"Good," I said in lieu of dismissing her, and walked up the stairs towards what may as well have been heaven itself in my current state.

How many years has it been since I was allowed to just soak in a hot tub? Well, if I have to ask: too many. Ahhhhh, I can practically feel the warm and bubbling water already…

Mostly a setup chapter explaining where and when our SI arrived at, along with displaying the frankly ridiculous wealth of the person s/he used to be. Oh and remember what Edi said about how she was able to be on the Citadel with Joker without anyone thinking twice about the oddly human looking walking, talking, robot? That's what I'm basing "Aena" off of. Kinda surprised more authors don't use the whole "personal assistance VI" thing. Well anyway, it should pick up next chapter and move into "Mirilley's" life leading up to the start of ME1. After that? Well, if I said, it would be telling, now wouldn't it?

And no: I'm not going to show someone bathing, even if they're a hot alien chick. It would just be word padding at this point, and hopefully most of you already know what bathing entails.

Believe it or not, Calabsa is actually a canon world; spent a good few hours researching for one before I wrote the first chapter and it just happened to be everything I needed in a planet for "Michael" to wake up on. Look it up if you want. It has a surprising amount of detail put into its history and lore considering it never made an appearance in the games; and no spoilers, but its galactic location will be important in the future for various reasons.

Alright, that's chapter 2 done and I'm already starting work on 3, so keep an eye out for it. I hope you enjoyed and I'll see you next time!