Binoculars

Kinch and LeBeau sat on the roof of the kommandantύr, Kinch with a pair of binoculars, and LeBeau with a pen and pad of paper. From their vantage point, Kinch could see a column of German tanks heading down the road. He relayed to LeBeau the model, their speed, and direction, and any other details that command would find interesting.

"What are you two doing up there!"

Klink's voice startled both the prisoners, so much so that LeBeau lost his balance and fell right off the roof. Kinch gasped and looked over the edge. He was relieved to see LeBeau in Schultz's arms. Beside them, Klink glared up at Kinch.

"You! Don't move!" Klink yelled. "Just what are you doing up there?"

Kinch's mouth flapped as he tried to come up with some sort of plausible excuse. Lucky for him, Colonel Hogan came running up.

"Hiya, Kommandant. How's tricks?" Hogan asked.

"Tricks is right! Just what is he doing up there?" Klink demanded, pointing to Kinch.

"What? Oh. He's bird-watching," Hogan said. "We just need to find five more species and our barracks wins Bird Bingo! Did you see any, Kinch?"

"Sure did, Colonel," Kinch called down, playing along.

Klink sneered. "Really? I wish I had known about this. I'm quite the ornithologist!"

Hogan's eyebrow practically hit Kinch, it rose so high. "Really? Schuck–" Hogan snapped his fingers– "now that you do know about it, you'll probably mop the floor with us. All right, Kinch, come on down; we can't compete with the Iron Eagle when it comes to birds!"

Kinch was about to climb down, but Klink stopped him.

"Not so fast!" Klink said, and Kinch paused. "Tell me, Sergeant Kinchloe, what bird can you see from there?"

"Ummm…" Kinch held up his binoculars again. "I see… a grouse."

"What kind?"

"A… hazel grouse."

"Oh, really? And just what does a hazel grouse look like, Sergeant Kinchloe?" Klink pressed.

"Um, well… it's speckled brown and white and grey and… has a little bit of, I guess rust on its wings."

Klink nodded. "I see. What other birds did you see?"

"Er… a… European nightjar? Kind of hard to spot, but I'm pretty sure that's what it was."

"What else?"

"I… uh…" Kinch started to sweat. "A… hoopoe?"

Klink laughed. "Such a funny-looking bird! All right, get down from there!" Kinch sighed with relief as Klink turned to Hogan. "Hogan, I will join your bird bingo. And I'll win!"

"I don't doubt that for a minute, Kommandant," Hogan said. The Kommandant stood tall and strutted into the kommandantύr. Kinch scrambled off the roof and met up with LeBeau, Schultz, and Hogan.

"Put. Me. Down," LeBeau said through clenched teeth.

"Oh, sorry, Cockroach," Schultz said as he quickly set LeBeau down. "I am glad you were only bird-watching up there, Kinchloe. It would be hard to explain it otherwise!"

"Yup, just bird-watching," Kinch confirmed. Schultz looked relieved and toddled away. Kinch wiped the sweat off his forehead. "Whew."

"Whew is right," Hogan said. "I didn't know you knew so much about birds, Kinch."

"Colonel, I don't!" Kinch exclaimed. "I don't know a thing about birds and I didn't see a single one while I was up there!"

"Quoi?!" LeBeau said in surprise.

"You're telling me you made all that up?" Hogan asked, just as surprised.

"Out of thin air!"

"Just like le colonel!" LeBeau said. "I think he sometimes just says something and it sounds too good to argue with!"

Both Kinch and Hogan laughed. "Kinch, I think we're spending too much time together! I'm rubbing off on you!"

"I guess Klink doesn't know anything about birds either, or he would have caught on," Kinch said in relief.

Several hours laters, Klink burst into their barracks, loudly proclaiming that, not only had he seen all the birds Kinch had– which turned out to be real– but several more and declared himself the winner of Bird Bingo.