Amanda's hands stroke tenderly through soft strands of brown hair, the thick tresses slipping like silk through her fingertips as her mouth descends upon the plump, inviting lips of the beautiful woman curled up under the blanket next to her. There are flashes of light exploding like fireworks behind her closed eyelids as their lips meet for the first time, Olivia kissing her back with a passion and intensity that sets her entire body on fire, Amanda unable to recall any other time in her life when someone has made her feel this way; so excited and nervous and alive. Those strong emotions are combining swiftly together to create a buzz of need that seems to simmer just beneath her skin like a spark of electricity, so eager to see and touch and taste every single part of this woman's gorgeous body.
"I can't believe this is finally happening, Liv. I've wanted to do this for so long," she gasps incredulously into the lieutenant's mouth as her hands twist themselves further into her hair, creating tangles of satin that wind around her fingers and hearing Olivia murmur something faintly in response.
Amanda can't quite catch what she is saying but assumes that Olivia is agreeing with her and they are both feeling exactly the same way about this situation, pulling back slightly to get a better look at her face, Olivia's cheeks flushed a bright pink and pupils dilated to the point that her eyes are nearly black, a light sheen of sweat coating her forehead and her chest heaving from exertion. "What was that, Liv? Sorry, I didn't hear what you just said."
"I think I need to throw up."
Olivia's words are crystal clear this time and Amanda leans even further away with a bewildered frown creasing her features, an immediate stab of hurt and embarrassment spearing through her chest because she doesn't think her kissing technique is quite that bad, especially since she has been told on more than a few occasions that her skill level in that area is actually pretty impressive; certainly coming nowhere close to the point of inducing vomiting.
"Excuse me?" Amanda's eyebrows are raised high on her forehead now with the devastating realization that they are already crashing and burning before their relationship has even begun, Olivia apparently so disgusted with her that she feels the need to expel the contents of her stomach due to a simple kiss.
"You could have just asked me to stop instead of phrasing it like that," Amanda mutters in regret, a hot blush spreading rapidly across her pale cheeks and her eyelids squeezing shut on another wave of mortification, aware that they should have kept things platonic between them instead of trying to take their friendship to a new level.
"I really feel like I'm going to be sick." Olivia's voice is more urgent now, her tone rising in a panic, and she feels the brunette's hands shoving insistently against her arms. "Amanda you need to move. Right now."
Amanda's eyelids fly open again to fix on the other woman in confusion, slowly coming to the realization that her erotic thoughts and hopes had transferred into her dreams while falling asleep on the couch next to Olivia earlier in the evening. After a quiet Saturday of games and movies with the kids, Amanda excusing herself from the apartment a couple of times to take Frannie out for a walk, she and Olivia had retired to the living room together to watch a lighthearted romantic comedy once Noah and Jesse had been tucked into bed for the night. A heavy drowsiness had quickly overtaken her body as her limbs had entwined comfortingly with Olivia's beneath the blanket, and Amanda had been sucked into slumber only a few minutes after the film had started, the brunette coughing lightly beside her as she had dozed.
"Amanda, honey, you're practically laying on top of me here and I really need to get up." Olivia's voice is sounding somewhat frantically against her ear and Amanda scrambles groggily away from the taller woman's form on the cushions, rubbing her bleary eyes as she watches Olivia instantly spring to her feet and rush down the hallway toward the bathroom once she is free from her clinging embrace.
The same movie is still playing on the TV screen, so she figures she couldn't have been asleep for very long; a quick glance at the clock on the wall confirming that only an hour has passed since they had sat down together on the couch with the intention of watching something funny to take Olivia's mind off of feeling so miserable. Amanda can hear rapid footsteps pacing back and forth across the tiles of the bathroom and she drags herself into an upright position with a muffled groan, her muscles screaming at her from the contorted way she had been snuggled up with Olivia on the cushions.
The lingering details of her lust-filled dream refuse to leave her mind as she hurries down the hall to make sure Olivia is okay, schooling her features into a more neutral expression and feeling a sharp stab of guilt pierce through her chest at the not-so-friendly thoughts she is having for the older woman when Olivia is feeling so unwell. Chastising herself sternly, she reaches the bathroom to see Olivia standing there on somewhat shaky legs with her eyes squeezed shut and a hand covering her mouth, as if willing herself not to be sick.
"Are you okay, Liv?" Amanda asks with concern as she steps inside the room and lays a gentle hand on Olivia's trembling arm. "Sorry I fell asleep on you out there, I didn't meant to. Do you need to throw up, honey?"
"No," Olivia replies in a tremulous tone as she slowly lowers her hand away from her mouth, an undercurrent of steel in her voice, like she is resolute in not losing the dinner they had eaten a little while ago and is afraid of being even more of a burden on Amanda than she already has. "I'm okay. I think I've just been coughing too much and it's upsetting my stomach. It just kind of hit me there for a minute, but I feel a bit better now."
"Are you sure?" Amanda inquires worriedly as she listens to a heavy cough rumble through Olivia's chest. "You seem to be feeling a lot worse since you and Noah got here yesterday."
"I'll be fine," the brunette answers lightly with an offhand wave, as if she doesn't have time for such foolish, annoying things like being sick."You, on the other hand..." Amanda watches as Olivia's head tilts to the side as if the older woman is studying her intently, and she finds herself blushing under the sudden intense scrutiny of her friend. "I hope I didn't pass my cold on to you. I heard you muttering in your sleep like you couldn't get comfortable or something, and your face is all red and sweaty. Are you feeling alright, Amanda?"
"Um, yeah, I'm good," she stutters out in a surprised tone, her heart seizing inside her chest like she has been caught doing something she shouldn't and feeling that guilt pierce through once again at having these particular thoughts and dreams about Olivia, especially while she is ill.
"Are you sure about that?" Olivia asks skeptically, Amanda's heart skipping a beat when the other woman raises an arm to lay a cool palm against her forehead. "You feel a little warm. Were you having a bad dream?"
"Well, it didn't start out in a bad way," Amanda mumbles under her breath before she can stop herself, instantly caught up in the incredible sensation of having Olivia's lips pressed against her own, even if the gesture hadn't actually taken place in reality. "It was a good dream, to begin with."
"What was it about?" Olivia's head is still cocked curiously to the side as their eyes remain locked on one another, and Amanda can feel the hot blush on her cheeks darkening rapidly as her heart skips another beat.
"You know, I don't really remember," she mutters dismissively, determined to put a stop to this conversation as she becomes aware of a certain dampness pooling between her legs; a pleasurable but unwanted tingling feeling mixing with the slick heat residing at the juncture of thighs, and all because she had been dreaming about kissing her best friend.
Olivia looks like she is about to say something in response, a suspicious expression fixed on the other woman's tired features, when she is suddenly overtaken by a coughing fit that leaves her bent over at the waist with her hands clutching at her kneecaps, choking and gasping as she tries to catch her breath. Amanda is immediately by her side, rubbing a soothing but firm hand up and down the lieutenant's trembling back to help ease the uncomfortable spasms and glancing toward the bottle of topical cough medicine that she had fished out of the cupboard and left on the counter earlier in the day.
Olivia has yet to use any of it, as they had been interrupted by the kids awakening from their nap during the conversation and hug they had shared in the bathroom, and the ointment has gone untouched throughout the past several hours while carrying on with meals and playtime and Frannie's walks. Amanda loops an arm around Olivia's waist and plucks the small container off the counter as she begins guiding the brunette toward the bedroom with the intention of tucking her in for the night instead of finishing their movie.
"Come on, Liv, I think you need to get some sleep," Amanda says gently as they enter her bedroom, relieved that they have been distracted from their prior discussion but concerned for the deteriorating state of Olivia's health.
"Amanda, I can't take your bed again," Olivia protests quickly as Amanda lightly pushes her to sit down on the edge of the mattress, and wonders if the other woman is remembering how they had awakened that morning; their somewhat compromising position causing shock and arousal from Amanda but unsure of how it had affected Olivia, as she hasn't mentioned a word about it all day.
"You can and you will," Amanda replies with a quiet firmness, stroking a hand over Olivia's dark hair that is somewhat matted to her head from the snooze they had shared in the living room. "I can take the couch for the night, so you can get as much rest as possible." She doesn't mention that it would probably be best to avoid a repeat situation of how they had come to be entangled together in the sheets the night before, with Olivia half naked and Amanda's face pressed up against a certain intimate area of her upper body, even though there is a definite insistent throbbing in the lower region of her own body in response to that thought. "I can sleep on the couch tonight."
"I don't want to kick you out of your own bed," Olivia says softly, gazing up at Amanda with large dark eyes that hold a hint of guilt and a distinct amount of vulnerability, as well as something that appears to be longing. "Do you want to stay in here again?"
"Are you sure about that?" Amanda answers lightly as her heart leaps at the thought of sharing a bed with Olivia for the second night in a row, her resolution not to repeat what had occurred the previous night seeming to crumble in the space of only a few seconds, as she wants nothing more than to curl up with the older woman beneath the covers once again.
"Well, it is your bedroom," Olivia points out in a murmured tone, as Amanda continues to stroke a tender hand through her unruly locks, unable to stop touching the other woman in some kind of capacity.
Olivia seems to welcome the gentle touch, though, and for a moment they remain like that, with Amanda standing in front of the bed and Olivia perched on the edge of the mattress, gazing at one another with unreadable expressions as she gently works her fingers over the silky brown tresses and the lieutenant tilts her head to side as if to give her better access. They wordlessly pull away from each other a moment later and begin getting ready for bed, Amanda setting the cough medicine beside her on the night stand just in case Olivia decides that she needs it over the course of the next several hours.
When they are tucked side by side beneath the blankets, Amanda feels an odd swell of emotion inside her chest and the urge to reach out and gather Olivia into her embrace. She wants to soothe the strong woman next to her as it hurts to see Olivia in any kind of distress, the physical pain from her cold and the emotional pain that work and the busyness of life in general has been causing lately, the little cracks of vulnerability in her friend's normally tough demeanor pulling at Amanda's heartstrings and reminding her so much of herself.
But instead of reaching out to ease a comforting arm around Olivia's shoulders and pull the taller woman into her side, Amanda remains unmoving on the bed, her fingers twitching against the sheets and her mind racing a mile a minute as she is overwhelmed with thoughts of Olivia and what the future could possibly hold for them if only she had the courage to be honest.
When Amanda opens her eyes to complete and utter darkness and a bed that is moving vigorously beneath her, she is quite disorientated for a moment before remembering that she had fallen asleep next to Olivia after deciding they would share her room again for the night. She realizes that the rapid movement of the mattress is coming from Olivia herself as she is overtaken by another nasty round of coughing and the entire bed is shaking with the force of it, the brunette sitting up in the middle of the sheets with her body folded inward on itself and her head bowed down as she tries to catch her breath.
Amanda instantly scrambles up beside the shuddering form, her heart breaking as she watches Olivia curl up into a tighter ball and hears a low groan of misery emanate from her mouth after another loud cough, and she grabs the bottle of ointment off the nightstand and tries to hand it to her. Olivia waves Amanda's gesture away with a pinched expression on her features, the trickle of moonlight through the blinds illuminating a single tear that is trailing slowly down one cheek, and Amanda feels her own face twisting with sympathy as how utterly wretched the brunette must feel.
Olivia can't seem to get the coughing fit under control and appears to be somewhat distressed by this, so Amanda decides to slide behind the other woman on the mattress, her legs coming to rest on either side of Olivia's and her arms snaking around a spasming stomach, balancing her chin on a trembling shoulder and putting her lips right next to Olivia's ear so that she can be heard over the sound of intense coughing.
"Easy there, Liv," Amanda soothes gently, rocking them back and forth very slightly. "It's okay, I've got you. Just try to relax, alright? I'm sure it'll stop in a minute."
She feels Olivia nod against her and listens as the coughing continues for several more seconds before it finally calms down and the older woman collapses in exhaustion against her smaller figure, her body sagging into the sheets as if she is too fatigued to stay upright any longer.
"Let's just sit up for a few minutes, okay?" Amanda suggests softly, picking up the discarded bottle of ointment that had slipped onto the covers with their movements. "I think it's better if you don't lie back down for a little while. The coughing is usually worse that way. And I think it's a good idea to put some of this on, okay? It really helped me out a lot last winter. It can ease some of that tightness and pain that I'm sure you're feeling right now."
"I'm too tired, Amanda." Olivia's voice is a weary and raspy whisper when she speaks, her head falling back onto Amanda's shoulder and lolling limply there. "But I really need this to stop."
Amanda bites down hard on her lower lip as the same thought that had occurred to her in the bathroom earlier makes its way into her mind again and this time she decides to put a voice to it, however inappropriate the suggestion might be. "Will you let me rub it on for you, honey?" she asks quietly, trying to control the rapid thumping of her heart as Olivia is pressed so closely into the front of her body that she can no doubt feel it.
"I wouldn't mind having you do that but I don't want to move," the older woman murmurs after a brief hesitation, her head leaning back and their cheeks pressing together as they converse, seeming to settle more comfortably into Amanda's smaller form. "I'm too exhausted."
"You don't have to move," Amanda replies gently, her throat becoming dry as she speaks and hoping she is not crossing a line with her next words. "It's not just for your back, you can also rub it on your neck and chest. You can stay right where you are."
The ensuing silence in the room is so acute that it might actually be possible to hear a pin drop on the carpet, and Amanda is beginning to regret her suggestion when she suddenly hears Olivia murmur her assent and watches over the older woman's shoulder as she undoes the first few buttons on the flannel pajama shirt she had borrowed from Amanda earlier. The pounding of her heart only increases with this action and Olivia's agreement to have her apply the cough medication for her, and Amanda feels exactly the same way that she had the night before when Olivia had agreed to the offer of a massage and promptly removed her shirt for easier access.
She reaches around her limp form to unscrew the tight child-proof lid of the bottle with hands that won't stop trembling, dipping a couple of fingers inside to gather up some of the mentholated liniment before pressing the digits to Olivia's throat with a light touch and starting to rub as carefully as she can. The brunette responds immediately to the tender contact and Amanda can feel her sinking more firmly against the front of her body as she thoroughly relaxes, her legs tightening around Olivia's and the arm that is wrapped around her waist squeezing softly.
"I don't know what I would have done without you this weekend, Amanda," Olivia says appreciatively after several moments of silence between them, Amanda continuing her soothing massage of Olivia's neck and slowly working her way down to the other woman's collarbones, unsure of how far she is allowed to go. "You've taken such good care of my son and I, along with Jesse and Frannie; making us feel so comfortable and at home here. And truthfully, if you could take over my job as lieutenant on Monday morning, I would be very grateful for that as well."
They share a short chuckle at this statement, a warmth unfurling inside Amanda's chest as Olivia expresses a gratitude that she doesn't often put a voice to; almost blurting out that this apartment is just as much Olivia and Noah's home as it is her and Jesse's, desperately wishing to continue living together as a family once the older woman is feeling better and is back on her feet. The sadness of their imminent separation cuts swiftly through that pleasantly simmering warmth, and Amanda is so caught up in the intensity of her conflicting feelings that she doesn't realize just how low her hand has wandered until she hears a barely audible moan.
She instantly freezes with her fingers tucked beneath the open collar of Olivia's shirt and splayed out across the top of one generously-sized breast, the smallest digit just barely grazing a puckered nipple and brushing very lightly against the hardened nub a second time when she slowly begins moving her hand upward with the intention of removing it entirely from the pajama top. A string of mortified apologizes begin falling from Amanda's lips as her palm slides up Olivia's ointment-slicked skin, her heart racing frantically in both arousal and fear at touching such an intimate part of her friend's body, ashamed that she wants to do it again and unable to get that soft moan out of her head.
Amanda freezes once more when she feels Olivia suddenly grasp onto her arm as if to hold it in place against her breast, and for a moment they sit there unmoving on the sheets, their bodies pressed so closely together that they have practically merged into one being, her heart feeling like it's about to explode from her chest at Olivia's quietly uttered words.
"Please don't stop."