"Cat loves food, yeah yeah yeah yeah, cat loves food ye-yeah~"
"Hey dude, watch where the fuck you're going!" Someone shouted from across the street.
I looked at them and blinked a few times, then pointed at myself. He nodded with a frantic look in his eyes.
The fuck did I do-
*BEEP*
I turned around to see a truck barreling toward me. "Wait, how the fuck did I get in the street?!" I was just walking on the sidewalk, what kind of bullshit is this?!
As the truck came barreling toward me, I jumped out of the way, doing a dolphin dive into the concrete.
The truck swerved and came to a stop.
H-Holy shit…I'm alive!
"Hahaha!" I started laughing in the middle of the road as I picked myself up. "I can't believe it…I fucking won against you, you foul, evil, nasty god!"
Truck-kun was nothing more than a mere pebble before my expertise in the legendary art of dodging!
"Kid, are you alright?!" The same man from before asked, running over to me.
I snapped out of my laughter and looked at the man, coughing into my hand. "Yes, sir, I'm fine."
The man let out a sigh of relief before he grabbed my collar. "I don't know why the hell you're laughing; you could have died!"
"You gotta admit, that was a pretty impressive dodge." I chuckled and rubbed the back of my head.
"It was." The man nodded, and then he immediately wrapped his arms around my waist.
"What the fuck are you doing?!" I asked, trying to get free from his grip.
"You're a slippery fuck, but it's your time to go, so I guess Car-sama is gonna have to take your soul."
*BEEP*
Oh no…
I looked to my side and saw a red Mustang barreling toward me at insane speeds.
"Dumbass, you're gonna die too!" I shouted, throwing punches at his face. All the while, he grinned as he took them, not even showing an ounce of fear or pain.
"That's fine! If I do this, I can experience my dream of being reincarnated as an ugly bastard in my favorite hentai!"
I blinked at his words and slowly looked at the approaching car.
Ya know what?
Just kill me.
Because that honestly sounds less painful than being held by this scum of a man.
*CRASH*
— Later —
"So I'm de-"
"You're dead, yes."
"Can you fill me in on how?" I asked, staring down the dark all powerful being in front of me.
"Someone held you in front of a speeding Dodge Charger."
"I thought it was a Mustang?"
"Well, now we know you don't know shit about cars." The all powerful being said dryly as they took a sip of tea. "At least now I know not to send you to the world of Cars."
I frowned at that. "That was an option?"
"Of course." They nodded. "Anyways, you were supposed to die by the truck, but somehow you ended up…dodging it. That is very impressive. You literally outmaneuvered the concept of death, which isn't something I've seen any human do. Especially not against Truck-kun."
"But I still died."
"Yeah, well…Let's just say Death isn't exactly…kind to those who avoid her, so she finished the job."
"By sticking a pervert on me?" I crossed my arms. This was a load of bullshit! I dodged! Doesn't that grant me more life?
"No, it doesn't." The being shook his head.
Ah, so he can read my mind. Great.
"The pervert was just added damage, honestly." The being waved his hand. "He was supposed to die soon anyway, so Death contacted him and offered him a deal. He accepted, and now he gets his wish…for approximately a month. Then he'll die again, and we'll snuff out his soul."
"...That's it? He kills me, and he gets rewarded?!"
"Yeah, pretty much." The R.O.B. nodded. "Now then—you were supposed to go to the afterlife of your world, but after seeing you avoid the unavoidable, I've changed my mind. Not only will I reincarnate you, but I'll make you the race, clan, element, etc, of your choice."
I facepalmed and held up a hand. "Give me a moment; I'm still upset about the whole dying for titties thing."
"Understandable." The being nodded.
I took a deep breath in and out and opened my eyes.
"I'm going to be honest. I don't like you, or death, or anyone else involved in this. Can I please just go?" I questioned dumbly and immediately regretted it.
I probably shouldn't shit-talk an all-powerful being…
"No, you should not, but once again, understandable." The being nodded again. "The world you are going to is randomized, so…have fun with that. I'm sure we'll meet again, and when we do, I hope it's on a better footing."
My body began to glow, and with a flash of light, I was gone.
— ? —
He paced back and forth frantically, all while the asshole and his mate watched.
"I know this is hard, but please calm down, Lucan. I'm sure Miranda and the baby will be just fine." The Asian woman said, walking over to him and rubbing his shoulder. He gave her a look, one of fierce anger, before he looked down and saw her giant belly.
She would end up going through the same thing his wif—mate was going through, and judging by his expression, he couldn't care less.
Suddenly, the door to the delivery room burst open, and a doctor walked out.
He stood up quickly, faster than he'd ever admit, and walked over to the doctor. He clenched the man's collar and lifted him up into the air.
"How. Is. She?" His words were cold and expressed his intent clearly.
If she or the baby was dead, he was next.
"W-While there were some problems-" The large man's grip tightened around the doctor's collar. "S-She's out of danger, and t-the baby has been delivered. C-Congratulations, Mr. Johnson, you have a healthy baby boy…"
Lucan's eyes widened, and he swiftly threw the doctor away and rushed into the room. As he entered, he saw the mother of his child looking at him with a tired smile and a baby in her arms.
The baby wasn't crying, but by its small movements, he could see it was alive.
He made his way over to the two, stopping at the side of the bed, and dropped down to a knee.
"You alright, Miranda?"
"I just gave birth." She looked at him dryly before a relieved smile consumed her face. "Yet I've never been better."
Lucan couldn't stop the smile from forming on his face as he looked upon the baby again.
This baby…It was essential to the Viltrum Empire, for if it awakened its powers without any issues, it would allow a whole planet full of compatible breeding partners for Viltrum to take.
But at this moment, even more important than all the Viltrum Empire business was the fact that this child was here.
This was his son.
The child's mother, his wife, was precious to him, but in the end, she would be gone within a mere moment. It made him feel…strange. But the boy in front of him sparked a happiness in his chest that he only felt around his wife.
"Would you like to hold him, Dear?" His wife asked, offering the baby boy to him. He hesitated for a moment before nodding and taking the boy from her arms. He held the baby just as she did and rocked him side to side gently. A small smile graced the tall, powerful man's lips.
"Have you chosen a name for your son, Daddy?" The woman asked tiredly, but there was a teasing smirk on her face that told him she was feeling fine.
"I have, long ago." His smile grew as he lifted the baby into the air. "Darius. Darius Johnson. The Universe's first Viltrumite/Human hybrid."
— Darius (1 Year Later) —
"Darius, where'd you go?!" My mother, Miranda Johnson, called from downstairs.
Meanwhile, I was out here running around on my little feet, trying my best to make it to my parent's bedroom before I was caught.
It's been a year since I've been cast out of my mother's womb. And what an experience that was, one I regret to have not forgotten.
My name is Darius Johnson. From what I know thus far, I am a normal human baby who has lived on Earth for a year.
Sounds boring? Well, it fucking is.
The R.O.B. said he'd reincarnate me with whatever race/magic/bullshit I wanted in the world I was sent to, but it looks like he ended up robbing me by sending me to a perfectly normal fucking world!
I came to a stop and looked up.
My parent's bedroom door.
I needed to find the secret of my birth! There was no way I was just some normal baby destined to live an everyday life! I'm in America again for crying out loud! Nothing has changed!
Unfortunately, the door was closed, and being only a year old, I could not reach the doorknob, so I had to surrender myself to my approaching mother.
"There you are." She said, bending over and picking me up off the ground. I pouted and leaned against the crook of her neck as she shushed me soothingly.
Sure, I didn't know now, but one day…one day, I'd figure out who the fuck I am and what the fuck I'm supposed to be doing!
— Chapter End —
Beta Reader: Basilisk Dragonboy1
Author's Note: You'll never take me alive!