This is the eighth one-shot of a series of one-shots where I will write one Harry Potter weight gain one-shot for every day of the month of October.

The prompt list itself is right here, credit to fffandever on Furaffinity: https/view/58049281/

So here is the seventh day's one shot, with the prompt, "Lantern".

…

One Weasley To-Go Please

October 31st, 1997

3:45 PM

Weasley Expanding Tent, Forest of Dean, England

Hermione sobbed as she looked out at the empty space outside the tent where her boyfriend once stood. Apparently the horcrux they were carrying had heightened his already latent rage and he apparated off to protect his family. Hermione knew things were tough here, and she knows she wasn't the best cook. But couldn't he see that they were only acting for the greater good here?!

Harry soon walked in with numerous brown bags from a muggle grocery store and fast food places. He sat them down on a table and looked over at Hermione with an excited look on his face before seeing how sad she was. Her bloodshot eyes were forcing out tears on her tear stained face. He walked over and helped her into a chair.

"Hermione, what's wrong?…" Harry asked.

"It's Ron!… He's gone!… the horcrux corrupted him!" Hermione said as she held her face in her hands before breaking down crying.

Harry frowned and rubbed her back… he had to tel her.

"Hermione, that's not why he left." Harry admitted.

"W-Wot?" Hermione asked, teary eyed.

"Last night he told me how horrible your cooking was and how he'd like to eat his mum's food again. I told him I could take a swing at it but he said "it's a woman's job to cook", and that I'd be a pansy if I did." Harry said.

"You mean… he left us… for FOOD?!" Hermione asked, her rage building.

"Yeah… Well about that, I had an idea. I snuck back to Gringotts and took out some money." Harry said.

"Harry! That was incredibly dangerous!" Hermione said.

"Gringotts is a politically neutral territory, if any death eater attacked me there as a client, the goblins would have gone under another rebellion. I had a few hundred galleons in my school vault converted into muggle dosh, and to my surprise I was able to get £3983 99p. I used some of that to buy food, groceries, and supplies." Harry said as he opened some of the bags pulling out bottles of water, granola bars, eggs, and toiletries.

Hermione's jaw dropped at this.

"W-Why didn't we think of this earlier?!…" Hermione asked.

"Well we were so focused on wizards we forgot about muggles. No death eater would know where in muggle England we are if we don't name drop he who must not be named. Why are we camping out when we can be staying at motels?" Harry asked her.

Hermione had to admit he had a point… Harry then rustled through another bag and tossed her a McDonald's burger. She opened the wrapping up, while her parents wouldn't approve it was better than anything she had eaten for the last few months.

"Well okay Harry, let's have dinner first and then we'll get a game plan." Hermione said before taking a bite.

~§§§§§•§§§§§~

December 3rd, 1998

8:00 PM

Starfall Motel, Little Hangleton, England

Ron Weasley had used the deluminator to find Harry and Hermione like Dumbledore told him too before he died. Smart man that one, he figured that Hermione's bullshite cooking would drive him away. But rather than ending up in the Forest of Dean, he was out in the parking lot of a strange looking place called a "moe-tell". He saw a man carrying a few flat boxes up to a door and saw Harry emerge from the door with some kind of papers for him and take the boxes, such a strange thing Muggles. He marched up the stairs and Harry saw him clean and with fitting clothes, he paled a little bit at seeing Ron again.

"Harry! What are you doing out of the forest?! Death ea-mmphmmmp! Mmmphmhm!" Ron yelled before his mouth was silenced by Harry.

"Ron, shut the fuck up. We are in the muggle world right now." Harry said before dragging the traitor inside.

The motel was nice, it had a television set playing Monty Python and a large king sized bed for two people. There was also a chair, a few pieces of art, a mirror, a closet, and a bathroom that had steam coming out as Hermione's humming was heard. Ron grinned as he walked past the shower, wanting to see Hermione in the nude, she'd be all over him now that he was back. Harry led him to the chair, but when he sat down he was suddenly tied up in ropes Harry fired from his wand.

"Mmmphmmmhm!?" Demanded Ron angrily, who was tied up and gagged.

"You ditched Hermione and me for a warm bed. Well after you were gone we found out a few things about you, and each other. For example, how you and Dumbledore had Hermione's parents kidnapped by Order Members and put memories of them being obliviated by Hermione in her head right?" Harry asked.

Ron paled and yelled even more, how could he have figured it out?!

"Because you left and no one was able to reapply the spells you idiot. Dumbledore must have given you this to get a day's break or so, he didn't count on you vanishing for a few weeks." Harry said, holding up the deluminator.

He threw the device on the floor and stomped on it, shattering it to pieces. Ron struggled as Harry glared at him from the bed.

"You and Dumbledore's plans to condition us to be you and your sister's spouses have failed. Hermione figured it out as soon as a few days after you left, you made her do everything around the house while making me do all of the horcrux shite. Meanwhile all you did was eat up our rations on this asinine hunt." Harry told him, glaring at him.

The shower soon stopped and the sound of Hermione humming was heard, Harry narrowed his eyes seeing the look of excitement in Ron's eyes, but took great satisfaction in what followed.

That look was utterly destroyed by what he saw.

Hermione looked to weigh about 380lbs or so as she was wearing a towel hit with an Engorgio charm around her body and another one on her bushy mop of hair, which Ron had straightened out using spells. The worst part was she got fat as fuck! Her cracking ass was now flabby and riddled with cellulite as her hips couldn't fit in the chair he was in. Her belly was poking out like she was nine months pregnant and her breasts were blobby and looked like they'd hang down if she removed the towel. She saw Ron and her happy mood immediately soured.

"Oh. Did he finally come crawling back?" Hermione asked.

"Yep. Stunned him and silenced him." Harry said over Ron's protests.

"Good, because I've got some things to say. I will NEVER go out with you!" Hermione said.

"Mhmmphmm!" Ron yelled out, Harry guessed he meant "oh yes you will!".

"You had my parents kept in a prison cell to die." Hermione said, making Ron pale.

"You killed them! And for what?!" Hermione asked, grieving.

"We killed the guards and gave them a proper burial, order of the Phoenix my ass." Harry said ignoring Ron's shocked expression.

"What? We're at war, it's kill or be killed. We've used the killing curse well over a dozen times on death eaters and horcruxes, which by the way weren't why you ran off now didn't you." Hermione said as Ron paled.

"Harry is a better cook, and is what a real man is like. I'm sure you can see the fruits of his labor~..." Hermione said as she flaunted her curves making Ron sick.

"So there's only one Ronald for me, Weasley… speaking of that, where's the McDonald's?" Hermione asked Harry.

"I had to deal with this piece of shit first." Harry said.

"Right, so the goblins deal with Voldemort's horcruxes. But after that, we're out. Muggle or bust." Hermione said.

"Mphmmmphmmm!" Ron yelled, presumably about how they're letting Voldemort win by having thieves on the dark side handle this.

"The goblins are smart people, not that you would know what that's like Ronald. They know war is bad for business when most of their clients are too scared to leave their homes. So for a reasonable fee, they agreed to take care of it." Hermione said.

"MMPHMMHHH!?" Ron yelled out in shock.

"Oh yes, doesn't that just tick you off Ronald? "Lesser beings" getting all the credit you think you and the light deserve for ending the dark lord's life. If you really were good, you'd not care how it ended. Who knows, maybe they'll be made into equal citizens after this." Hermione said, enjoying this.

"He sounds rather like a Malfoy doesn't he?" Harry added.

Ron's temper flew out the window and he ripped free of the bindings before casting a killing curse at Harry. Hermione shrieked in horror as Harry fell to the ground. Ron stunned her and glared, Hermione's fear rising.

"You fat bitch!… You'll pay for defying me! I'll make you so stupid that you'll have to suck on my cock just to think straight!" Ron said as he forced Hermione's legs apart.

Hermione shook and struggled until Ron suddenly vanished with the spinning of a portkey. Harry groaned as he got up before unstunning Hermione who hugged him crying.

"I also turned a piece of the deluminator into a portkey… apparently I was made into a horcrux…" Harry said.

"What?!… it's gone now right?" She asked hopefully.

Harry nodded.

"Also, my parents, Sirius, and your folks are giving him a good arse-kicking in the afterlife… your mum said something about a Brazen Bull?" Harry asked, making Hermione smirk.

"Oh if that's what they got in store for him, I can't wait to see what they do to Ron… where is he anyways?" Hermione asked.

"Hogwarts. I wonder how true the rumor of it being impossible to teleport into the school is." Harry said.

After all of that, the Goblins ended the war by killing Voldemort in a goblin raid on the school once they dispatched Nagini. The goblins were given reign over magical England and imposed their will on the subjugatable masses by making the wealth flow freely and forcing students to train not just for magic but for battle. The old ways of the pureblood were eroded as magical England was free to the goblins.

As for Harry and Hermione, they settled in a nice part of Oxford after withdrawing the potter fortune and converting it to muggle money. Aside from the occasional house chore spell the two went full muggle and had two squib children due to Harry getting hit by 2 Avada Kedavra curses. Their daughter Jessica and their non-binary child Ridley would become important in the integration of magical Europe into the muggle world as peace ambassadors in the 2030s. As for Hermione herself, being magic meant she would be affected by the negatives of obesity, so he could enjoy Harry's cooking until the two died at the ripe old age of 104 in bed holding each other in their arms.

When the two made it to their next great adventure they saw most of the death eaters and the order of the phoenix being made to suffer while those who were victims of the war were free. Hermione's parents hugged her as did Harry's to him along with other friends like the Lupins, Hagrid, and Sirius. As they walked off, Harry was confirmed in his theory when he saw Ron was being forced into a brazen bull with Dumbledore by angry witches he screwed over as a prefect. He wondered what it must have been like to find his bloody remains on the outskirts of Hogwarts, with the piece of the deluminator he turned into a portkey inside.

Oh to be a fly on the wall when they found the portkey was a piece of Dumbledore's lantern…