Quote: "What about Moiraine? What does she want?" (Ihvon)

After talking to Ihvon, Lan thinks about Moiraine again and remembers situations when she showed different sides of herself. Lan remembers a moment of weakness of Moiraine.

to Lynn Sedai: First of all, please don't stop writing comments. I love hearing what my readers think about my stories, what they liked or did not like, what they wish to happen next, or if they just want to talk. Such lovely comments keep us writers motivated and help us to write onward. I'm thankful for everyone who takes the time to leave a comment.

I also feared the show would make Lan choose Nynaeve and was thankful when he returned to her. Hopefully, we don't have to wait for Season 3 much longer. Early 2025 would be really nice, though I'm also wary. I know about Moiraine's fate in the books and I'm scared they will let her go through the red door next season. If I'm honest, I don't want it to happen at all. Lan can have Nynaeve as wife, but I really want him to keep Moiraine as his Aes Sedai. Should they go with the book storyline, I really hope they will change his and Moiraine's reunion. I haven't read book 14 yet but spoilered me because I needed to know what happens, and I don't like their reunion at all.

Since Moiraine and Lan are back for Season 3, I will write stories for it. When it comes to Season 4... well, we have to see what they plan for Moiraine. It could be difficult to continue when she is gone since I write about her and Lan's friendship. But we have to wait and see.

Thank you very much for reading and leaving a comment. I really appreciate it and hope you will enjoy the rest of my chapters/stories as well.

Slowly, Lan strolled through the village. He was tired and exhausted. How many times would Alanna and her Warders try to talk to him about Moiraine? He knew they all wanted to help him, but the conversations confused him more than he found answers. Because I can't talk to the one person I really want to talk to.

He didn't want to think about what Moiraine was doing or how she would react if he returned to her. The Malkieri didn't want to think about what he was feeling and if he should follow his heart to be with Nynaeve. All that thinking – all those endless possibilities – was driving him crazy.

It's something she said. You keep saying it to yourself over and over. A thousand cuts for her one.

Ihvon was definitely the most dangerous one of the trio. The man wasn't as energetic as Alanna and Maksim. He was the quiet one who thought before talking – like Lan. Because of that, it was easier for him to really see and listen. Ihvon had a better understanding of what was going on in Lan's head.

He had seen that the Malkieri's thoughts had been spiraling around the Cairhien woman's last words – that it was eating him alive. Alanna or Maksim hadn't seen that.

We are not their equals, Lan. We're not supposed to be.

Surprisingly, it had taken Ihvon's clarification to make Lan realize how naïve he had been. Warders weren't equals to Aes Sedai – they never could be. Aes Sedai… had the One Power at their fingertips. They were bound by the three oaths, which was why having a Warder by your side was a good thing. The Aes Sedai could only fight back when their life was in danger, the life of her Warder or another Aes Sedai.

How many times had it been he who had to protect Moiraine because she had to wait for the attack? How many times would she have died if he hadn't killed her opponent? An Aes Sedai was powerful but not invincible.

Was that what Moiraine had meant? Had she twisted her words again by answering him? Light, he should know better than not to notice when she used her words against him! He was her Warder for twenty years!

Fool! You simply asked her to confirm that she has never seen you as an equal! And when she confirmed it, you didn't question her what she meant exactly. 'We've never been equals' can have many meanings, and I don't know in which situation she didn't see us as equals.

Frustrated, Lan buried his fingers in his long hair. He couldn't believe that he had been that stupid. After months of staying by Moiraine's side – after enduring every harsh word and her cold shoulder – he had finally made a mistake, allowing his Aes Sedai to leave without him.

The rest of the world only sees their power. We see their weakness.

Moiraine's weaknesses. Oh, he knew them very well. Lan smiled when he thought about his Aes Sedai's stubbornness. How many times had they argued about something because she had tried to get her way, even if it meant danger for her? And, of course, she had won most of the time. The Malkieri couldn't deny her anything if there was even a tiny chance they could survive it. Sometimes, it had been close, but they had always managed to escape somehow.

Yet, there had been moments when she had been angry with him for not giving her what she wanted because it had been too dangerous in his eyes. In those moments, she had masked the bond and didn't speak to him at all – not even looking at him as if he didn't exist. Luckily, she had always come to her senses when night fell, letting him back in and planning the next day with him. She had known the worst punishment for him was her masking the bond. Not the silence between them or that she wouldn't look at him, but the absence of feeling her.

The same silence I feel for six months.

Although it was useless, Lan reached out for his bond. It wasn't there anymore, yet he knew exactly where it had been. His end of the line waited impatiently to be reunited with Moiraine's end. Sometimes, he wished he could take his string and repair it by sheer force of will. He wanted it so badly.

Additionally to her stubbornness came her unbelievable inability to look after herself and to push herself to her limits – and sometimes even beyond. At the beginning of their partnership, Lan hadn't believed that there was anyone in the world who could forget to eat. But Moiraine proved him wrong.

It was a stormy day, and Moiraine and Lan had arrived in Maradon, soaked and exhausted. A group of Whitecloaks had chased them there after identifying Moiraine as an Aes Sedai. Luckily, they had been able to lose their followers in the streets of the city, but the Malkieri didn't have time to look for the best tavern. They took the first tavern, which looked good to them.

While Moiraine hid her face from anyone, Lan gave the owner of the tavern some extra coins so they wouldn't be disturbed. The man smiled lewdly at Moiraine – the uncrowned king of Malkier didn't want to know what the man believed the two of them would be doing upstairs – and promised he would take care of it.

Since then, they have been stuck in that room. Lan sat at the window, keeping a wary eye on the street while the Cairhien woman went through her notes, sitting at a small table. Unlike him, she hadn't changed her clothes or even bothered to dry herself with the One Power – according to her, she didn't feel the cold. Her beautiful locks had turned into an indescribable, wet, knotty mess. Her soaked clothes stuck to her skin, but she didn't notice. The Cairhien woman was totally focused on the papers before her.

After a few hours of watching the street below him without seeing anything unusual, Lan's stomach reminded him that it was time to eat. Besides, his body protested from sitting in such an uncomfortable position. Aching, the Warder stretched his sore muscles, then poured himself a glass of water.

It was way past dinner time, yet Moiraine hadn't mentioned anything. Surprised, Lan tilted his head slightly and listened to her feelings through the bond. He searched for a sign of hunger or thirst, but all he received was a stream of calmness. His Aes Sedai was utterly lost in her notes.

The uncrowned king of Malkier focused on his bond. Having someone's presence and feelings constantly in his mind was still new to him. Yet lately, he had started to experiment with it. He tried to send Moiraine feelings through the bond on purpose. Sometimes it worked, and sometimes it didn't. Would it work this time? Would Moiraine feel his hunger? The Aes Sedai was still going through her notes and showed no sign of…

Suddenly, Moiraine lifted her head, then searched the room until her eyes fell on Lan. A furrow appeared on her forehead. "What's wrong?"

"I'm working on sending my feelings through the bond." Lan released a frustrated sigh. "But it looks like it's not working."

"You look like you're in need of a healer."

Sighing, Lan gave up. Maybe he should ask Moiraine to return to the White Tower. Obviously, learning how to use the bond was more complicated than he thought. Perhaps another Warder could give him some advice.

His bondholder turned her eyes back on the paper. "If you're hungry, you should go downstairs and get yourself something."

Surprised, Lan's eyes widened. "Wait. It worked? You felt my hunger?"

Moiraine rubbed her eyes tiredly. "It was impossible to ignore. You practically yelled at me through the bond."

She had heard him?! So, it was working! She had simply been too focused on her papers to notice him earlier.

Finally, the Malkieri noticed how pale and tired the Cairhien woman looked. Light, why didn't she take a break?! There wasn't even a glass or a cup in front of her. Quickly, he poured her a glass of water, then brought it to her. "You should drink something."

"I don't need anything," Moiraine murmured absentmindedly.

Determined, her Warder placed the glass right in front of her on top of a piece of paper. His action was rewarded with an annoyed glare from her.

"You need to drink and eat."

"I told you to get yourself something. I can wait."

"It's been hours since we came here."

The glare turned into a frown. "It's not been hours."

"Moiraine, I'm sitting at that window for hours, watching everyone who entered."

Lan saw that she couldn't believe it. Her brain tried to understand what he was telling her. Finally, she shook her head.

"It doesn't matter. I don't need anything. Besides, the Whitecloaks will still be looking for us."

Sighing, Lan watched how she went through her papers again, ignoring the glass of water completely. How did she do that? How could she ignore her body's needs so he didn't even feel it through the bond? Gently, the uncrowned king of Malkier took the papers out of her hands.

"What-?!"

"No Whitecloak entered the tavern in the last few hours." The Aes Sedai tried to grab the papers, but her Warder kept it out of reach. "You need to eat, Moiraine."

"I-"

Determined, Lan took the glass and held it before her nose. "Let's start with drinking."

The glare was back, but Lan didn't intend to back down. If Moiraine didn't look after herself, he would do it. His Aes Sedai withstood a few minutes before she finally took the glass out of his hands.

"I know when my body needs anything."

The uncrowned king of Malkier raised an eyebrow as if he wanted to say that he highly doubted that, then started to collect the rest of the paper on the table before her.

Moiraine's eyes widened. "No!" Quickly, she tried to slap Lan's hand away, though it was useless. He picked up piece by piece. "Stop! Lan, stop!"

Lan almost smiled when he saw her struggling between saving her notes and risking spilling the water by putting down the glass. Her left hand pulled at his sleeve as if he was to stop that easily, though her left hand wasn't as strong as her right.

"Lan, please!"

"You've looked at them for hours. It's time for a break."

"I will! I will!" She couldn't convince her Warder. "All right. You want me to drink something? I do. Look."

The Malkieri did her the favor and stopped collecting her notes. Moiraine lifted the glass with a trembling hand to her lips and started to drink slowly. It looked like she had to force herself, but Lan saw her swallowing. "Good. It's a start." Then, he continued with his work.

Again, the Cairhien woman grabbed his sleeve. She hadn't expected that reaction. "Lan!"

"You will continue to empty that glass, Moiraine. Meanwhile, I'll organize dinner for us."

The papers were all in his hands now. Only a tiny book was left, containing Moiraine's list of names of potential dragons. The Aes Sedai reacted immediately. This time, she put the glass down and reached for her book.

Sadly, her Warder was faster again. Lan hissed when her cold hands touched his hand. He hadn't expected that. "Blood and ashes!"

"Give it back!"

Lan put the book on top of the other papers – out of her reach – then placed his hand against Moiraine's cheek. "Light, you're cold as ice!"

"I will drink. I will eat. I will take a break. Just give me the book, Lan."

But the uncrowned king of Malkier didn't believe her. He grabbed her arm – at least her clothes had dried, though they still felt damp – and pulled the stubborn woman to her feet. "Change your clothes while I get us dinner."

"Lan-"

"How can you not notice that? How can you ignore your hunger, thirst, and that you become hypothermic?"

Ashamed, Moiraine lowered her eyes to the floor. She obviously knew about her inability to look after herself. "Sometimes, I get caught in my thoughts and forget everything around me," she mumbled quietly. "I work on it."

Her quiet voice calmed Lan, and his face turned softer. Gently, he touched her arm, pulling Moiraine's eyes back on him. "Would you please change into warmer clothes while I get us something to fill our stomachs?"

For a moment, it looked like she wanted to protest. Her eyes moved to the papers in Lan's hands, and her lips moved like she wanted to ask for her stuff. Then, all of a sudden, Lan saw how the tension left her body and was scared she could collapse from exhaustion – but she didn't.

Defeated, the Cairhien woman nodded, and relief washed over Lan. Then he noticed her knotted hair. Smiling, he took a strand between his fingers, showing it to her. "Perhaps after dinner, we try to organize you a hot bath to take care of your hair."

"Light!" Disgusted, Moiraine grimaced while examining the strand. "That looks terrible."

"Don't worry," Lan said, smiling. "As long as you keep hiding your nose in a book, I will always recognize you."

If looks could kill, the Malkieri would have died at that moment. Quickly, he pushed the papers in his saddle bag, then aimed for the door. "I'll get dinner."

The uncrowned king of Malkier felt how the Aes Sedai touched Saidar. The next moment, the pillow from the bed hit the back of his head. Grinning, Lan mended his pace to reach the door while Moiraine kept hitting him with the pillow. Left. Right. Left. Right.

Before the Warder opened the door, he grabbed the soft fabric out of the air and threw it toward the bed. "No channeling while I'm gone." When he saw the pillow rising again, Lan quickly left the room. A soft thud against the closed door told him that his Aes Sedai hadn't stopped her weave. Hopefully, she wouldn't use the One Power while he ordered their dinner.

Smiling, Lan shook his head. He had needed a few times until he understood how often Moiraine forgot to eat. Luckily for him, she listened when he told her to put her book or notes aside – after growling at him when she was annoyed by his persistence. But she had always calmed once she took one or two bites.

The rest of the world only sees their power. We see their weakness.

The uncrowned king of Malkier knew about the Cairhien woman's weaknesses, and it had been up to him to handle them.