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Chapter 4

Four and Chris

Tobias' POV

I sigh, making my way to the kitchen side of the apartment. Looking through the cabinets, I'm thankful to find the coffee beans so easily. I scoop up the beans into the machine, making sure the water level is right before I switch on the coffee maker. I rub my eyes from the lack of sleep, leaning against the counter as the aroma of coffee fills the air. My back is stiff from sleeping on the floor, I try to stretch it out.

Last night Christina was so wasted I didn't have the heart to leave her. I was worried what trouble she could find herself in again. After cleaning both of us up, I got her to bed and waited till she passed out. I cleaned my shirt in the sink as best as I could and hung it to dry.

I glance around the studio apartment, amazed at how different it is from my own. It's the same layout as mine, just a simple studio with a small kitchen, enough room to entertain and have a sleeping area. Her bathroom is just as small. But what she has done to it, really has made it feel homey and comfortable. The walls are a light gray, almost white. With black trimming throughout the apartment. Her furniture isn't the regular black either, but a dark wood color giving the apartment more light. The whole thing makes both apartments look completely different if you compare it to my dark hole with lockers as a dresser.

"Hey," Christina says, embarrassed as she enters the kitchen of her apartment. "Morning." She says, reaching into a cabinet and retrieving two mugs. "Thanks for making coffee." She says as she pours the delicious hot liquid into two mugs. She hands one to me and begins to sip on her cup. "I'm sorry." She says, tears rolling down her cheeks. I look away from her, nodding my head. Crying has always made me so uncomfortable; I hate it. But be as it may, what she did last night was dangerous, even given her circumstances and grief over Will. But I'm not in the mood for a lecture, nor does she need one right now. I sigh, not able to find the right words. Instead, I right myself, placing my mug in the sink before i turn back to her.

"I'm gonna head home and take a shower." I told her. Suddenly remembering the feeling of chunky vomit running down my back.

"Thank you for everything." She says, barely above a whisper as I walk past her and out the door. I closed the door behind me, shaking my head from the thought of what could have happened last night, but thankfully didn't.

I look at the time on the wall, my impatience is starting to get to me. How long does it take to get the results back on some tests? I glance once more at the clock, knowing damn well I'm going to have to cancel on Chris. I reach for my phone, opening up her contact… I dread the response back from her but know there is nothing I can do.

Ever since Will's funeral, Chris and I have fallen into this nightly routine. It's nothing romantic, no nothing like that. But it's comfortable. Whoever gets out of work first picks up dinner from the cafeteria, brings it to their place. It's an unspoken routine. We sit and chat sometimes while eating, or some nights we sit in front of the TV and watch whatever is on.

"Sorry, running late. Meet you at your place when I'm done?"

I sent it to her. I wait for her response, since there is nothing else to do but stare at the damn white wall. My phone dings moments later, "Yeah. Sounds like a plan." She sends back. I exhale, remembering how loud and candor Christina can get when she is let down.

A knock on the door has me putting my phone down. Doctor Wilson comes in apologizing for his delay while taking a seat. I force a smile on my face, closest I can get to being polite at this point.

It was Zeke's idea to come into the infirmary, I had been complaining long enough that my throat has been killing me. Especially when I swallow.

"Dude, fucking go in and get it over and done with. Stop being a pussy. You probably got strep throat or something. And that is the last thing I need right now." He said, pushing me out of the control room. He just about made this appointment for me and even covered my shift for me. Fucker.

The first thing they did was to swab my throat for strep. Then for good measure they took blood for lab work. I didn't mind, I know I'm overdue for a physical anyway. I did however find it odd when they ordered an MRI on my throat. I never had strep before, but from what it appears to be, it must be terrible.

"No problem," I say, trying to remain calm as he wheels his chair over to me. He glances at his chart, his face expressionless. For some reason my stomach drops.

"Four, there was a reason why I ordered more tests… As you know I did swab your throat for strep just in case. It came out negative. But the rest was due to that visible lump on your neck." He points out.

My eyebrows crease together in confusion, I've had that lump for years. Even before I left Abnegation. The lump never bothered me, so I never really thought anything of it. The only time I found myself bothered by it was when I was forced to wear anything with a collar. Something that obviously is not a problem in Dauntless. I open my mouth, ready to ask what he is getting at? But nothing comes out.

"Four, I'm sorry I have to be the one to tell you this… And we can't be hundred percent sure without performing a biopsy. But it looks as though it could be cancerous. Which would explain the soreness and pain." He explains.

Cancer?

"We will have to schedule you for the procedure as soon as possible so we can begin treatment if needed and catch it early…" The Doctor continues ranting on what has to be done, what this means… But I can't process his words. Cancer? But I'm young and healthy. I eat right and work out… I feel fine other than the soreness in my throat.

How the fuck did this happen?

I'll be honest, since the Doctor told me the news I have been lost in thought. I don't have any recognition of how I even got to Christina's front door. I lift my hand without another thought. Knocking, trying to make it sound like any other day. I haven't decided what to do with the news I just received. Should I tell anyone? Will they think I'm weak? That I'm gonna die? Do I have a time limit on me? I feel fine. How can I be sick?

Christina doesn't take long to answer her door. She opens the door widely, smiling at me and almost immediately turns serious. In just a few short months, she has grown to know me so well.

"What is it?" She demands.

I step into her apartment, scratching the back of my head. Should I tell her? Am I ready to? Rumors run fast here in Dauntless. At first it surprised me at how much the Dauntless loved to gossip back when I was an initiate. It's how I learned that less is more when it comes to others in my faction.

I take a seat on the couch, as Christina takes a seat on her coffee table across from me. I can't look her in the eye, but I feel her stare causing a burning spot in my head. It's an odd feeling this way, I have always been the scary one… The one where others wilt in my presence and give into my will. I finally gave in, telling her what the Doctor said this afternoon. I'm surprised at how silent Christina is, just listening to what I have to tell her and taking my hand when I tell her the worst parts. Her eyes water slightly, but she thankfully holds them back.

"Everything will be okay. You'll see. You are going to get through this." She says, squeezing my hand in support. For the first time in a long time, I'm pleased to have her as my friend. One of my best friends.

I got the news earlier today. It was the best news anyone could ever hear. I knew exactly what I wanted to do tonight. I called everyone that mattered. Everyone that has been by my side during these worst months of my life. "I got an announcement," I begin, standing up. Zeke, Shauna, Uriah, Marlene and Christina all stop talking, giving me the floor I need for this moment. It's the moment that we all have been fighting for. There were moments, I honestly thought we wouldn't get here. But we have. I hold my beer up high ready to toast the occasion. "As of this morning, I am excited to announce that I am CANCER FREE!" I yell the last part out. Everyone cheers, claps and clinks with my beer.

"Now this is a celebration,"

"Congratulations man,"

"Alright Four." I heard from the group.

But what I hear even louder is Christina. I knew that if it wasn't for her most of all, I wouldn't be here. How many nights did she stay with me when I was too weak to even walk to the bathroom? How many times did she help me clean up when I violently vomited all over the place because I couldn't make it? She stood by me, pushing me. I owe her so much.

"I'm so proud of you." She says, her smile wider than I've seen in so long. I don't think much of it when she wraps her arms around my neck, thinking she wants nothing but a hug. But I'm surprised when her lips press against mine instead. For a moment, I'm frozen. The last girl, the only girl I ever kissed was Tris. Although I miss her, I also know I can't hold out for her. That chapter has closed. I know more than anything I shouldn't deny Christina. Not now when she stood by me at my worst. No.

I don't push her away, instead my hands encircle her back. Holding her. When we finally break away, I try to match the smile that she gives me. I glanced up at the shocked crowd. Zeke's eyebrows are raised in confusion. Yup, I guess we will have lots to talk about tomorrow at work.

Two years later

Zeke and I clink another round of beers, sitting on the rocks at the bottom of the Chasm. The spray of the water hitting the rocks hit our legs, but nothing we can't handle. He and Shauna just got married a few weeks ago. You can say this is his first outing since he tied the knot. I was more than happy to get out. Lately Christina has been smothering me, demanding more than what I know I should be giving her as her husband. I admit I have let things get way out of hand. But I also know, it's hard to take these things back.

The night I declared I was finally cancer free; I wasn't expecting for Chris to kiss me. Of course, I wasn't expecting for myself to respond the way I did. Maybe I was lonely? Or perhaps I just wanted a chance to live this life to the fullest, the way I thought I should see that the news could have easily been the other way around.

I never thought things would end up here though. Although she says she loves me, she treats me like a child. Here, I find myself coming home late from the office, hoping that she is already passed out and asleep when I get home. Just so I don't have to hear that screeching annoying voice of hers. Or God forbid another complaint about something that isn't close to being important like a shirt she couldn't find in her size.

"I don't know what to do, Zeke." I say, feeling guilty that this is what we are talking about. But Zeke knew from the start even before I realized it, that I didn't love Chris. Not the way I should. He tried to stop me, warn me… But in the end, he did what best friends do, stood next to me at the altar and watched me make the biggest mistake of my life.

"Dude, what is there to know? It's easy. If you're not happy, end it." He easily points out. But it's not that easy…

"It's hard. Christina stood by me." I point out.

"I know, I know…. But that doesn't mean you owe her your whole life. Shit man, I stood by you. You don't see me demanding you to be with me." He continues making his points.

"Yeah, I'm sure Shauna can't stand the competition there." I say, sarcastically.

"Hey, there is always room for the woman I love and the man I love." Yup, he had to go there. I fight to roll my eyes. Knowing damn well half of what he says makes sense.

"Look man, you've changed. I mean of course you did; you went through hell and back. Look at you… You're still standing. To be a little honest, it's a good thing because you were a little annoying with that almighty attitude of yours." He says, lifting his beer towards me. I glare, making him laugh. "I'm just saying man, life is too short to be living like this. Its not the worst thing in the world to get a divorce. This is Dauntless after all, half the population has or will go through that at least once." He says. I raise my eyes at him silently questioning him about his own marriage that he just entered into. Except of course when it comes to Shauna and me. Nah man, you don't divorce a woman like Shauna." He continues, "Not unless you want your shit cut off while you sleep. You know what I'm saying?" Ain't that the truth. I know Shauna just as much as I know Zeke. She isn't one to play with. "Just saying, it doesn't make you a bad guy."

"Thanks man." I say, clinking my beer once more in respect with his glass. It's definitely something to think about.

I drag my feet down the hall to our apartment. Maybe Zeke is right. Maybe divorce wouldn't be the most terrible thing in the world. I think about the possibilities if we were to separate and get a divorce… Maybe I can fall for Christina the way I should have? Maybe I can make this work? I think about having to live with her loudmouth, her complaints and her high maintenance ways …Then add that to my growing desire to stay away, to work late, to do anything but go home for the rest of my life. Suddenly a divorce doesn't seem so bad.

I open the door to the apartment, shocked when I take a look inside. The place is lit with candles, the table is dressed with rose petals and candles and a steak dinner is all prepared. Did I enter the wrong apartment? Since when does Christina-

That's when I see her standing in the middle of the living room. Wearing a long, tight black silk dress. The top is revealing all that she has to offer me. Her feet are barefoot as she walks slowly towards me. I swallow hard, not sure what to do. On the one hand I am a man, but I also know this can't be right. Not when I'm thinking about leaving.

"What's all this?" I ask, closing the door behind me.

"This is my way of showing you just how much I love you." She says, smiling widely as she caresses my face. I don't deny her when she stands on her toes to kiss my lips. Maybe I should give us more time, maybe we can work it out. "I also want to talk to you about something." She admits. I instantly take back my previous thoughts. Of course, she would want to turn something so thoughtful into a favor…

"Christina, we do need to talk." I begin, maybe I should just get it out in the open.

"Oh good, me first." She says, taking my hand and pulling me towards the kitchen table. She just about pushes me into a seat, before she sits on my lap. It takes all of me not to just push her away, to shove her to another seat. How many times did she try this on me? How many times in the beginning did I fall for it?

"Four, sweetheart…. I thought I should tell you that we might be pregnant." She says, softly. What? "I used your last sperm sample." She answers my unspoken question. No.

It was something I did before I was treated for my thyroid cancer. Just in case one day I would want to try for a baby of our own. The first year we tried a few samples… I thought it was fate keeping us from being pregnant. Each time it never took. Sure, she was devastated, but in the end, I thought it was for the best.

"What makes you think this time will take?" I ask her.

"Just a feeling." She says, brightly. My stomach drops at the thought of being trapped with her forever. Now what? The image of Marcus comes to mind, I refuse to be anything like him. I won't abandon my own flesh and blood, nor will I hurt the baby and its mother.

"When will you know for sure?" I ask, I can wait. Give it time, give us time…

"A few weeks." She says, simply. "Aren't you happy?" She asks. Few weeks. I can do that. I force a small smile on my face as I process what is happening. One thing that they should tell you when you first find out that you have cancer… Is that the things you thought you would never want until they tell you, you can't have it. They told me my treatment would result in my being infertile afterwards. The next thing I knew, I was jacking off in several cups for the one day just in case I wanted kids. I need to figure this out for the sake of my child. If there is one.

A/N

Talk about being trapped…. Tobias has a lot to figure out.

Stay tuned for next week. See if we have a baby coming anytime soon.

Revised by: FDFobsessed

Happy Reading Everyone, be safe and stay healthy.

Trini