In the show Buffy the Vampire Slayer during the Halloween episode, Larry the bully gets a little rough with Xander. Buffy jumps in and "saves" Xander from the bully by throwing Larry into a soda machine. Then Xander gets upset at Buffy for the damage she did to his reputation. I'd like to think that Xander could have had a more productive conversation with Buffy. A conversation that could cause a huge butterfly effect on the rest of the series.
Buffy, "I don't know why it's even a problem. I got the guy off your back, and you yell at me. What gives?"
Xander thinks for a moment. "Hmm, we seem to be talking different languages here. Okay, let me describe it like this. Picture this scenario. You're walking down the hall of school, when in front of everyone, especially all the girls of school, Cordelia starts making fun of you for your fashion sense."
Buffy interrupts, "But that doesn't make sense, I have great fashion sense. And I look darn good."
Xander grins back at her "That's true, you do. But Cordelia can be a bitch sometimes. So there you are, about to tell her how wrong she is in the snarkiest way possible, while implying she's blind for not seeing how good you look, thus handily putting her in her place. But before you can do that, I jump in between you two and in as loud of a voice as I can use without screaming, say, "HEY, BITCHFACE. YOU DON'T KNOW WHO YOU MESSING WITH HERE, GIRLFRIEND! MY GIRL BUFFY HERE IS VERY NICE! AND YOU'RE NOT NICE TO HER, SO YOU ARE BAD PERSON. NOW GO AWAY, I'VE SHOWN YOU WHO IS THE BOSS MAN WHEN IT COMES TO FASHION AROUND HERE!""
Buffy, cringing, just gaped at Xander in horror. "That was so of the bad."
Xander smiled slightly, "So then after Cordelia leaves from my having masterfully outdone her, I turn to you and fold my arms in satisfaction at a job well done. Are you going to thank me now for showing Cordelia her place?"
"What the hell Xander?! Of course I wouldn't thank you. That's the stupidest thing I ever heard!" Buffy exclaims while whacking Xander on the shoulder.
"Ow, by the way. And that's my point Buffy. Women have a certain way to communicate with each other while establishing your place in the social hierarchy. Men have a very different way to do the same. What you just did with driving off Larry from trying to push me around is the equivalent of me doing *that* on your behalf with Cordelia. It would totally ruin your social standing and embarrass you."
"For a guy, the kind of confrontation I had with Larry let's everyone know where we stand, socially speaking. If you can't handle the test, and break, you get humiliated. If someone who doesn't speak the guy code jumps in and saves you, it says you're weak and deserve to get humiliated."
"But that's so dumb!" Exclaimed Buffy.
"It's not any dumber than women letting fashion and looks determine social status. There's some hot looking girls that are toxic as hell, while some girls with beautiful personalities are mocked and derided. Its just how humans are. Let me give you further background on why Larry was doing what he was doing. Have you ever read our school paper Buffy?"
"Well, no. I just let Willow tell me the news." Buffy looked uncertain where he was going with this.
"Okay, here's our school paper. Look at the second to last page. Tell me what you see."
"An obituary?" Buffy gaped at the long list of names on a High School obituary.
"Yup. Think about it. A high school that has a regular obituary. That's not normal. Everyone here knows that. We all know that lots of us won't make it to graduation when we can finally blow this popsicle stand. The class that we went to elementary school with has already lost at least a third of the students. For the longest time we didn't know what was doing it. We just knew that death was right around the corner for us. Why do you think I was so willing to believe in vampires just from overhearing you talk with Giles? That's not a normal reaction for a teenager. But here in Sunnyhell, it makes perfect sense."
Xander continued. "So you show up, and suddenly the obituary count is halved. Despite what you think, we haven't been very stealthy about talking about what we battle, and word has gotten around. So everyone looks at you different. You're improving our chances of survival. Everyone knows how tough you are. And I'm one of the few that is actually brave enough to step up and run in your crew, taking on the menace that is killing so many of us." Xander pauses to puff himself up in a self mocking fashion.
"As a result I've gotten something of a tough guy reputation. Despite the fact that people still mock me for my nerdiness and bad dress sense, it's actually not malicious anymore. It's how we've always interacted, so it's how they talk to me and let me know that I'm still part of the community. As odd as it may sound, they respect me enough to keep treating me the way they've always done, instead of trying to butter me up for being part of the crew keeping them safe in some attempt to fake being friends."
"Larry the bully has pretty much the same problems at home that I do, abusive drunk parents. But he doesn't handle it with humor like I do. He really doesn't know how to, so he sometimes acts out, to prove to himself that he's not as powerless and weak as his old man makes him feel."
Buffy, with a thoughtful, yet amused look on her face, "So he was, what, testing himself against the big tough Xander?"
Xander nods gravely. "Yup, he does it at least once a month, sometimes more, depending on how drunk his old man has been. He comes up, gets a little physical. Nothing serious, just pushing me up against a wall. Then I verbally dance around and convince him that he doesn't want to beat me up, which convinces him that me, the big tough Xander, doesn't want to mess with him. Which convinces him that he's not a powerless loser like his parents try to convince him."
"And socially speaking, it proves to everyone around him that he's tough, if he's going to go up against the big, bad, me, which cements his social standing. While everyone sees that I don't resort to physical means of resolving the conflict, they know I don't fear getting physical. After vampires, why would I be scared of a little fisticuffs with humans?" Xander pauses to let Buffy really absorb what he's saying.
"So let's look at what your interruption of this monthly ritual between me and Larry says to everyone in the school. You, our tough protector and killer of evil, don't think that I, Xander, the King of Cretins, is tough enough to handle one human school bully."
"Suddenly everyone is wondering. They start asking questions like. Why does she let him hang out with her? Is it because he's only good for a laugh and a donut run? If she doesn't think he's tough enough to handle human bullies, he's obviously not tough enough for vampires. So he must be leaching off her fame, trying to build himself up through her. He's just a shallow, self serving minion."
"What? Of course you're not like that!" Buffy exclaimed.
"Doesn't matter though, that's the message that's being passed. And I'm not entirely convinced that you don't see me as a weak human, unable to protect myself. Just to let you know, if I actually got in a fight with any one student here, aside from you, I'd mop the floor with them. Depending on the students, I could even take out three or four of them at once. The only times you've seen me fight is against vampires who are a lot stronger and faster than me, and against Giles. Giles, despite what you may think because of being the slayer, is very strong and skilled, for a human of course. Giles trains hard, and he'd been teaching me."
Seeing that Buffy was looking a little depressed at what he was saying of how she'd been treating her friend, Xander patted her on the shoulder. "Don't worry about it too much, Buffy. I don't really care that much about the social standing. I was mostly just worried you would start thinking of me as useless baggage that you had to protect, and try to force me out of the slaying business. Which wouldn't work because I made a promise, and there's no way I'm backing out of this promise. I'm just proud I've been able to help you save people. It feels good. And you should be proud too, at the difference you are making here for everyone. Even Larry the Bully." Xander grinned hugely at Buffy.
Smiling once again, Buffy felt a little better as she went about her day. She had had no idea the situation in Sunnydale had been so bad before she got there. Both Merrick and Giles hadn't really focused on the good she was doing. It was always about sacred duty this, and responsibility to kill that. About how she didn't have time for a life, she had to deal with death. It had felt like the job only had burdens and negatives to it. Now she actually felt like she was doing something worthwhile. Like maybe she could be the hero Sunnydale needed.