One of the places I go to read stories is . They have links for all kinds of Chinese, Korean, and Japanese translated stories. Some of them have really silly premises, like one Japanese story of a dude being reincarnated as a vending machine in a new, magical world. Or some guy reincarnating as a jellyfish that evolves into a Cthulhu like creature that roams the lands.
So, I thought, what if someone reincarnated into a world we all know, but lost the dice roll?
He was floating on gentle, warm currents. Not a care in the world.
He still remembered everything that happened in his past life and how he had died. He just didn't care. Because he was so damn comfortable, all his worries had drifted away. He didn't even care that he didn't have a body.
Time passed, while he was safe in his bubble of not-caring-warmth.
He felt a tug, coming from one direction, but he didn't really pay attention to it. The tug didn't really matter, because he was just too damn comfortable to care.
But then the tug started to get stronger. He was being drawn in one direction. And his warm bubble of not-caring started to slip away, leaving him to feel some small shivers of cold. The stronger the tug got, the faster he moved. The faster he moved, the more his feelings of comfort were leaking away.
He was starting to panic a bit, but he couldn't do anything. He strained away from the tug, but he couldn't regain his comfort bubble, no matter what he tried.
He was hurtling through space at what felt like breakneck speeds, chilly winds battering him, making him cold, making him worry and fret.
Then he slammed to a stop and blacked out.
He swam out of a sea of darkness, once more awake. He felt…different.
In his previous life, he'd been a 30 year old man. Then he'd been a floating spirit. And now he felt like he had a body, but it wasn't anything like what he'd experienced as a man. He was quite confused.
He felt he had a physical body again, but he couldn't move around. He didn't feel any limbs, he couldn't see. At least he didn't feel cold anymore. All he felt was pressure all over his body. Was he in the womb? Is that why he couldn't move around or see or hear?
With nothing to do, he could only wait. Wait around. And sing songs.
"Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall, ninety-nine bottles of beer! Take one down, pass it around…"
He passed the time.
He lost track of how many songs he sang.
Then one day, he felt something move in his body. It felt like a stretching out, like he was slowly growing, and pushing against something that pressed all over his body. But he still couldn't control his movements, he could only slowly grow bigger.
Until one day, he felt this glorious feeling coming down from above. It felt/tasted like the best ice cream he'd ever had. It was so delicious, he stretched up for more of it.
Suddenly, he broke through whatever was confining him. He could peek out, just a bit, and taste the delicious feeling even more.
And suddenly he could see. He didn't know how he could see, he didn't have any eyes. He confirmed that by looking at himself, his new body. He was some kind of cross between a plant and a mushroom looking thing, just barely poking out of the soil.
And above him in the sky, he saw the full moon. The full moon was the source of the gloriously tasty ice cream.
He'd been reincarnated as some kind of plant.
He…just couldn't process that idea right now.
So he stopped thinking and focused on "eating" more ice cream. He turned into a right glutton. It's the only thing he'd tasted for who knows how long, so he enjoyed it with wild abandon.
The more he ate, the more energy he felt collecting in his new body, fueling his growth. The bigger he got, the more he was able to eat.
He ate until he saw the moon slipping down from the sky, taking his delicious ice cream with it. He pouted at the loss of his delicious treat.
The sky started to get brighter, indicating the sun was about to rise. Would he also be able to get a meal out of the sun? He wondered what the sun would taste like, if the moon was so delicious.
He eagerly waited his first taste of the sun.
Moments later, when the sun peeked over the horizon he eagerly took a bite.
PAIN.
Ouch! The sun is not for eating! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!
He collapsed himself down into the cool ground once more, instinctively, shuddering in remembered pain. Hiding from the bastard sun.
It took him some time to calm back down, and start thinking again. When he'd finally calmed down, he started taking stock of himself once more.
He noticed he was able to move himself a bit, after having the moon flavored ice cream. He felt out his body, first feeling his roots. He noticed he was able to "taste" the surrounding soil, and that he was able to "eat" small bits every now and then. It was nothing like the feast he'd had from the moon, or the painful overfull burning of the sun. The small portions and lesser "taste" made him realize that while the nutrients he got from the soil might keep him from starving, the moon is his best source of energy.
So he settled down to wait for the moon to come up again.
After a while he realized that he wasn't able to fall asleep. He had to wait out the day. Back to songs, then.
Finally, he felt the sun fall below the horizon. No longer did he feel the beating down of the sun's rays.
He tentatively poked back out from the ground, "looking" around. He still wasn't sure how he was able to see as a plant, but he wasn't going to sniff a gift fish.[1]
The previous night he'd been so focused on the moon, he hadn't looked at his surroundings. Now, he was able to take a look around. He saw he was in the middle of a clearing in some forest. He didn't recognize the types of trees or any of the plants around, but that wasn't surprising, really, since he didn't study plants in his previous life.
So, he could be anywhere in the world, really. Although it didn't look tropical, so he guessed that narrowed it down a bit.
Just then, the moon rose, and he saw other plants that looked similar to him rise from the soil to feed on the moonlight. He was quickly distracted from looking around by the delicious taste of moon flavored ice cream. He noticed that the flavor and richness was not quite as great as it had been the previous night by just a bit.
He concluded that it must be because last night was the full moon, and now it's on the decline. The next several nights followed the trend of the moon tasting less rich each night, so he knew he'd guessed correctly.
He was pretty sad when it was the new moon and he didn't get any ice cream that night. He noticed the other plants like him didn't pop out that night. He guessed it was because they were saving energy.
Even though there was no moonlight, he was still able to see everything in the clearing just fine. The only problem was that there was just not much to watch. He would see little critters and birds moving around a bit, but it wasn't anything very interesting. However, the longer he went in this body with nothing to do, the more he found that any creature passing by was kind of interesting, if only to relieve the boredom.
It wasn't until four moons had passed before he started to notice the whispers at night when the moon was up. They came from the other plants like him.
"Grubs up boyos! Rise and shine!
"Yummy!"
"Oh, this is good. Gulp! Gulp! Yeah!"
"Come to daddy! Snarf! Snarf!"
And that's pretty much the contents of their discussions. He didn't know if he couldn't understand them before because he was too young a plant, or if it took a while for his human consciousness to adapt to his new plant body. Either way, the plants didn't really have much to say. He really couldn't blame a bunch of plants for not being decent conversationalists. What did they really have to talk about other than food?
One evening it started raining, and he realized how weird his new sight was. He wasn't able to see the clouds. He could still see the moon clearly, and taste the moon ice cream, but he saw and felt the rain, so he knew there were clouds up there. He just couldn't see the clouds at all. Shrugging off the oddity, he just went back to eating ice cream.
Each day continued in the same manner as the previous. He finally noticed his plant body didn't really feel the cold like he would have expected when it started to snow and he still felt warm. Maybe it was all the moon energy he'd been eating that kept him feeling warm?
Time continued to pass. Winter ended, and all the snow melted. His life was centered around the moon and eating. If he'd been forced into this life directly from being a human, he would have long gone crazy from the lack of stimulus *cough*internet*cough*. But he had spent an indeterminate amount of time floating as a spirit. So he just zenned out and enjoyed his new life.
It was another full moon night. He was excited. These were the most tasty nights. He popped up, and started gorging himself as soon as the moon came up. He long ago started making his own contribution to the "yummy!" choir to join his fellow plants. Hmm, food.
His enjoyment of the feast was interrupted by a scream of agony. He looked around, trying to see who had screamed. He saw a human crouching several feet away from him. It was the first human he'd seen in this new life. The human's back was to him, so he couldn't see what he was doing. This made him even more nervous.
The human stood up, and looked around.
He felt even more shocked when he got a good look at his face. "Alan Rickman?!" He yelped. "And you're naked! What the hell?!"
Not that the human could understand him.
Alan Rickman then cast his gaze over the other plants, including him. When Alan Rickman looked at him, he shivered in fear. The naked Alan Rickman had a silver knife in one hand, and a bag in the other. His gaze had more than a touch of greed in it.
"A good harvest this time." Alan Rickman muttered, then moved a few feet closer to him, crouching down at one of the larger plants around him. Alan Rickman quickly used his silver knife to sever the plant at ground level, causing the plant to scream in agony.
He shivered in fear, and tried to hide underground. He was unable to hide. He'd never had a need to hide on a full moon night before, but it seemed like he was stuck and unable to go underground. It had to have something to do with the full moon that caused him and the other plants to be unable to hide on this night.
And then Alan Rickman was in front of him, knife in one hand. It looks like this was his end. He only got one year as a plant, and he would be a goner. There was no way to hide or run. He braced himself for the pain as Alan Rickman reached out for him.
"Hmm, still too immature for the contraceptive potion. You would let all the stupid little slut witches get pregnant, and then where would we be, hmm? Maybe next year." And then Alan Rickman moved on to the next plant, cutting them down too.
The screams of pain were echoing in his ears so he could hardly focus, hardly believe he'd escaped. 'Potions? Witches?' He gasped. 'That wasn't Alan Rickman, that was Severus Snape! I'm a freaking potions ingredient in the Harry Potter world! Eff me! I'm screwed. This time next year I'm a goner.' He thought in despair as the gruesome harvest continued, the agonized screams echoing in his ears to highlight his future fate.
A couple hours later, he finally woke up from his despair filled daze, and madly giggled. 'Snape traipsing around the forbidden forest skyclad to gather herbs! So funny!' [2]
But his laughter didn't last long, as he crashed back into despair. There's no way he could enjoy the peaceful life he'd had up till now, just eating, when he had a death sentence hanging over his head a year in the future. But he was a plant, there wasn't much he could do.
Just as despair was threatening to overwhelm him he had a sudden revelation. He was in the Harry Potter world. There's magic! He is magic! Okay, yes, he's a magical potions ingredient, but he's magic in a fictional world. Different stories popped into his head, Chinese cultivation novels that mentioned that even plants and stones could gather energy and become sentient, then be able to move, and finally form human bodies. He's already sentient, so he's ahead of the curve.
His only hope of survival is to eat enough energy in the next year to kick start his evolution so he can escape the fate of being a potions ingredient.
This past year has shown him that the amount of energy in the moonlight won't be enough in the next year to escape his fate as a potions ingredient. He's got to take in more energy than the moonlight provides if wants evolve to be mobile.
Which means he's got to brave eating the sunlight. No matter how painful, he's got to endure it and eat and eat. Otherwise, he will be on the chopping block soon. And for what? His life forfeit so young witches and wizards can get it on without having a teen pregnancy? The indignity! He won't sell his life so cheap!
The sun finally rose, and he prepared himself.
Gulp.
"Arrrghh!"
Gulp.
'I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer' he chanted in his mind.
"The pain!" [3]
[1]: "Never Sniff a Gift Fish" is the title of a humor book by Patrick E. McManus, who wrote many outdoorsy humor books like "A Fine and Pleasant Misery" or "They Shoot Canoes, Don't They?". The phrase is an offshoot of "never look a gift horse in the mouth", meaning to find fault with something one receives as a gift or favor.
[2]: I think the reason I personally find the idea of a naked Snape skipping around the forest so amusing is because it's so out of character. He's this snarly, sullen bully who will snap at anyone that offends his dignity, and he's forced to traipse around the forbidden forest naked in order to gather his beloved potions ingredients.
[3]: A reference to the original Dune movie. If you want to see the clip, look up "Dune – Gom Jabbar". The Bene Gesserit have a Litany Against Fear that Paul Atreides used to endure the pain from the test when he stuck his hand in the box.
"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."