Carl woke up with an aching head and ribs that would not shut up about the pain. The deep seated ache in his arms and legs told him that his ribs weren't the only bones that had been broken and were, hopefully, on the mend.
The worst was the pounding headache he had, since it caused him to feel like he was on the verge of upending his stomach; not to mention that the pain actively prevented him from remembering what happened or how he got…wherever he was.
The bright light shining in his face wasn't helping his headache any either. Moving his head away from the light, he settled down for a while to hopefully let the pain subside.
After a bit of time and not moving, the ribs weren't so very bad, since they didn't hurt if he didn't move much. Cracking open his eyes, he saw that his legs and arms were encased in casts, so he was in a hospital at least.
A small bit of good news, but nevertheless he would take what he could get.
The bright light shining in his face was sunlight from the nearby window, which was strange. Usually hospitals closed the curtains so their patients wouldn't be in direct sunlight, right?
Shifting his gaze, he once more paid attention to his surroundings. He saw that his assumption of being in a hospital was correct by the disinfectant smell, the IV drip next to him that led to his arm, and the hospital bed and other such furniture.
Although once he took a second look, it seemed like he was in a religion funded hospital of some kind.
Everything around him had crosses. There were crosses hung on the walls, carved into the wooden shelves. Looking closer, he even saw crosses carved into the door handle.
It was almost comical, really. The white hanging drapes even had crosses stitched in them.
Heck, even the push-pump of the sanitation bottle on the bedside table was a cross.
"Hello?" He asked out loud, hoping that some staff would show up and tell him what was going on.
A moment later he saw the call button next to him. There was a silver cross carved into it, which seemed to be par for the course. He was no longer surprised by the sight and just slightly smiled.
He pressed the button, hoping that he didn't get some nurse that wanted to euthanize him for his own good.
'Where did that idea come from?' He wondered a moment later, confused at his morbid imaginings.
The door cracked open a moment later, letting in a middle aged lady who was holding a cross clutched in her hands as she peered inside.
"Oh. You're awake." She nodded while looking over at the heart monitor that showed he had a healthy beat. Her expression of relief confused him.
A second later he realized that she wasn't just looking at the heart monitor, but was also shifting her gaze to the window that was letting sunlight stream in and shine on him. After a careful and long moment of visual inspection, the nurse finally fully entered the room.
"It's really amazing how quickly you heal! Your injuries should have put you in the critical ward for weeks! You shouldn't even be awake yet, after all the surgery and pain medication you're on." She bustled over to twitch the curtains halfway closed. Enough so that the sun was shining directly in his face, although it still allowed plenty of light in.
"Uh, what?" He intelligently asked. Sue him, he was laid up in a hospital and supposedly damaged enough to be a critical care patient, but healed quickly enough not to be. In a hospital that had a plethora of crosses everywhere, looking like some religious nut's dream room. He was only growing more concerned and oh so very confused.
"Well, you stumbled in on your own about a day ago, and at night! We weren't sure if you even qualified for healing, or if you would heal on your own when you were raised!" The middle aged lady said with a smile. "But Fry said you hadn't turned yet, so we patched you up a bit and we were absolutely shocked at how quickly you healed!"
He stared blankly at the lady, not understanding half of what she said.
"I don't get it." He admitted. "Where's my family?" He next asked, suddenly realizing that it was really surprising that he was in the hospital and his family wasn't around to check up on him. Maybe once they got here they could get some straight answers, instead of the confusion that the nurse was giving him.
"Oh…Alexander, your family never shows up when you're in the hospital. Are you sure you're feeling alright?" The nurse asked, moving forward and putting her hand against his forehead.
He stared at the nurse, confused at the feelings of familiarity that were drifting through his mind at the nurse's action. He wondered how such an institute of government and health had confused his name. His name wasn't Alexander, that was for sure. Surely they wouldn't get that kind of thing wrong, considering insurance costs and whatnot.
"Well, it doesn't seem like you have a fever." The nurse said. She grabbed a pitcher and poured a glass of water from a pitcher that had crosses all over it. "Here, have a sip of water."
He dumbly took the cup, not noticing how intently the nurse was watching him sip from the cup with crosses on it. The cold water flowed down his mouth; he crunched the ice chips absently, pleased that the cold water had ice. He loved crunching the ice.
"I don't really know what's going on." He admitted, looking at the nurse once more, seeing that she was hesitating about something. "I'm really confused about why I'm in the hospital, and where my family is. They should definitely be here already. Do you have a phone I can call them with?"
"Okay." The nurse handed him a phone from a nearby cabinet that he hadn't seen before she pulled it out of its cubbyhole. "Dial 9 to get an outside line."
"Thanks." He grabbed the phone, dialed 9 and waited for the dial tone. He then punched in the phone number of his dad's cell phone, hoping to get answers for what was going on.
Three loud rising tones made him pull the phone away from his ear.
"We're sorry. You have reached a number that is disconnected or is no longer in service."
He could still hear the message even though he was staring at the phone blankly sitting in his hand, far away from his ear.
A moment later he dialed the number of his mom's cell.
Three rising tones made him pull the phone away from his ear, less slowly this time since he halfway expected it.
"We're sorry. You have reached a number that is disconnected or is no longer in service."
He dialed his sister's number and got the same message. His brother's cell didn't get him anything different. His brother's wife's number was also disconnected.
Carl looked at the nurse, shocked at how none of his family was around for him to contact. He saw a shifty look in the nurse's face and narrowed his eyes at her. He was shocked to see her flinch from the look on his face.
"What's going on?" Carl angrily asked, completely confused.
"You should calm down, Alexander." The nurse said as she backed away from him, hovering at the edge of the room.
"What do you mean?" Carl asked. The nurse called him Alexander. "I am perfectly reasonable. I just want to know why…"
Carl trailed off, seeing the nurse escape from the room so she didn't have to answer his questions.
A moment later, his headache peaked, overwhelming him and blanking out his ability to see anything around him.
Memories began playing in his mind, bringing him along to experience them in first person. It soon became apparent that he was experiencing the life of someone else, that he was no longer in his original body, and that his new body's name was Alexander Lavelle Harris.
He experienced the early life of Xander, the friendship he made with Willow and Jesse, their life up until High School.
He then experienced the supposedly fictional demon hunting life of Xander Harris once Buffy Summers arrived in town. He felt the immense attraction the dude had for the bottle blonde at first, before he saw that she was attracted to an undead leech.
He saw his brother from another mother get turned to a fucking bloodsucking leech, and how Jesse Vamp wanted to get his two best buds, Xander and Willow, to join him in undeath.
He experienced the moment he accidentally staked Jesse, saving him and Willow from that fate. He felt the hatred and rage that Xander felt at the undead that took his best friend and brother away from him.
He saw the bullshit that was Amy's family issues with her mom and how her mother switched bodies with her daughter so she could relive her "glory" days of high school.
He experienced the Alpha's possession of Xander, feeling everything he felt while he tried to build his pack. He felt the rage when his pack didn't obey him, when they went out of control. He felt the excitement when the Alpha tried to mate with Buffy.
He then felt the shame Xander did about his actions after he was no longer possessed.
As time passed, he experienced everything Xander did. Every weekend he wore a crazy Hawaiian shirt that he picked up from the second hand store because it would make him a target for the vamps, allowing Buffy to sneak up on them and stake them. Not to mention that it didn't matter if those shirts were destroyed, they were so cheap.
As a young teen, he bounced around a lot, not very combat effective but making himself a target so his friends wouldn't be targeted.
He was amazed how often Xander fought the vampires, the dusty diseased ones. He wanted them all dead! Xarl realized that his brain was still loaded up with the Hyena memories, working hard to distinguish himself from them and from Xander.
He remembered with clarity when he forced the dusty and untrustworthy, yet souled vampire, to show him the way into the Master's lair. His heart almost stopped when he saw his love interest lying in the water, having drowned after the Master beat her and drank her blood.
He refused to accept her death, and he saved his girl, breathing life into her after she drowned in the water the Master dropped her in.
He was so very proud of how she rallied forth after her defeat and kicked the Master's ass. She was amazing, it was so very easy for her to kill those damned leaches that killed Jesse and threatened to kill Willow.
But then, weeks later, he came to the heartbreaking realization that she wasn't his girl and she never would be.
Everything was so mixed up and confused in his mind while he was swept away by the memories! Carl struggled to keep his identity and not be swept away by Xarl's memories. No, Xander's memories.
The following summer of lazy and limited activity allowed him time to get his mind properly aligned. He knew he wasn't a Hyena Spirit. He knew he wasn't Xander, he was Carl.
Carl continued to experience Xander's memories of the demon hunting. He was furious at the demon that tried to seduce Willow, his sibling!
But he was also very confused, since he could see Willow as more than just a sibling, that she was a very attractive young lady with a crush on him.
The regular vampire hunting continued. As far as Xander was concerned, his war on the undead would end when he died or when he wiped them from existence. Xarl couldn't disagree, not after what he'd felt when his brother was taken from him.
The parent teacher conference where the vamps showed up was just normal stuff, although it was quite tense for a while. It was awesome that his surrogate parent Joyce used a fire ax to smash in the face of the vampires, even though she didn't believe that vampires were a thing. It was hilarious!
Nearly every night he would fight the vampires or some other creature. It almost became routine, even though it was so dangerous for a regular human to do what he did.
Carl had a brief moment's pause while his headache pulsed. He realized that he was being swept up in the Hyena/Xander memories. That he was being overwhelmed by them, losing his very identity. He struggled to hold on to what made him, him. He wouldn't drown in the sea of memories.
The pain in his head retreated, and Carl, identity once more in the front of his mind, was swept up in experiencing Xander's memories once more.
Ampata being a mummy and an Incan princess was a shock to him, and how she gave up her undead life rather than eat his life. He had no idea until then that the monsters could have different attitudes than just hunting and eating humans. It really made him question if all things that stalked the night were evil. Just because vampires were demon infested corpses, did that make everything bad? He would have to think on it.
And then he experienced as Xander dressed as a soldier for Halloween, and in that moment, he had become Carl for an evening at Halloween. He had dressed as a soldier, and become him.
But he had reverted back to being Xander once the spell broke.
So how did he, Carl, come to be in Xander's body several months later? What the hell happened?
Carl continued to experience several more months of Xander's memories. A lot of the time that nothing happened was blurred. Times where Xander had been asleep, or nothing had happened. But anytime that Xander spent with his friends, the Scooby Gang, was highlighted in sharp relief in his memories. Especially the pulse-pounding danger of the hunts and patrols. Those times were indelibly etched in Xander's memories.
Buffy's old friend came to Sunnydale and tried to feed her to the master vampire Spike so that he could be turned into a vampire. But they caught him out and foiled his plan. They even staked Billy once the vampire inhabiting his body rose from the grave.
Giles' past came back to haunt him in the possessing demon Eyghon. And Angel actually proved to be useful for once, in that they used the blood demon Angelus inside him to shred the demon possession.
Then Kendra came to Sunnydale, a second Slayer. Somehow when Xander had saved Buffy with CPR, it had made two Slayers. And Spike had been trying to heal his crazy vampire girlfriend, Drusilla by using the blood of Angel.
The Tarakan Assassins had made an appearance, and Xander and Cordelia had a rush of lustful emotions in the aftermath of a near death experience and began making out. Which became a regular thing over the next several weeks, as they found comfort and relief in each other's arms.
They never went further than oral, but being a hunter in Sunnydale was a very stressful life, and they found they enjoyed the experience with each other.
The next incident was the robot Ted showing up and dated Joyce Summers, Buffy's mom, for some time before they discovered what he was. Ted was a badly programmed android that found women to date and dosed them up on drugs so much that they died shortly after getting into a relationship. Buffy ended up knocking his head off his body.
And then things got a little dark. Angel lost his soul because of that gypsy curse's escape clause. A moment of happiness after being accepted by Buffy for all that he was, despite his dark past, and Liam's soul was sent to the afterlife and the vampire Angelus was free once more.
Or maybe it was just because Angel got laid by a hot girl that he was especially happy.
Carl didn't know, and Xander was admittedly very biased.
It didn't help that life became especially tense for the gang with Angelus, Spike, and Drusilla out there, plotting and attacking them. Especially once they reassembled the demon known as the Judge.
The fight with the Judge was tense. Xander was able to steal an AT4 rocket launcher from the military base to use on the big blue smurf. Thankfully it was enough to once more separate the body parts of the Judge, and they didn't need an army to do it.
Willow then gave up on getting Xander to notice her, and began dating the laconic werewolf teen Oz. Xander felt horrible, since he had finally been on the verge several times of trying for something between the two of them, even though he had a thing between him and Cordelia.
The drama of their dating lives gave Carl a bit of a headache as he experienced it.
Things in Sunnydale continued getting worse the longer that Angelus was allowed to roam free, since the blood demon loved to psychologically torture his victims.
Xander was dumped by Cordelia in front of the school on Valentines Day and tried to get some petty revenge by having Amy cast a love spell on Cordelia so he could return the favor. But it backfired and caused all the women in Sunnydale to lust after Xander except for Cordelia. The crazed women nearly tore Xander and Cordelia to shreds before the spell was ended.
Xander felt the rage of once more having someone close to him die when Jenny Calendar, their computer teacher and Giles' girlfriend, was killed by Angelus and left in Giles' apartment for him to find.
Then there was the invisible demon that was killing children in the hospital. Buffy hunted that creature down when she came down with a raging fever, allowing her to see the beast.
Xander felt quite proud of his moment in the hospital when he was able to back down Angelus from attacking Buffy while she was laid up and sick.
There were possessing spirits in the halls of their school that were rehashing an old lover's quarrel that ended in their deaths originally. They would possess a girl and boy and re-enact their murder-suicide, causing the deaths of two people. Thankfully a bullet proof vest helped stop those ghosts, or else Xander himself would have died.
Fish monsters that were preying on the swim team showed up next. Xander went undercover on the swim team, and was almost turned into one of the fish monsters because he too was being dosed with strange fish steroids that the Russian coach was using to try to win the swim meets. The coach didn't survive meeting his creations in the sewers when Buffy threw him down there.
After that incident Xander had one more presence in the back of his mind, along with the remnants of the Hyena and Carl the Soldier. Those fish steroids were more than just science, they had a demonic taint to them.
Carl shuddered at the close call Xander had, that he wasn't turned into one of the Marsh family from those Lovecraft stories.
But he felt…different after experiencing how Xander almost turned into a fish monster. He felt a bit colder and more dispassionate, if he was to judge it. More…cold blooded. Like how experiencing the Hyena possession had greatly affected his mind, the fish demon taint seemed to have affected him.
The memories kept rolling on. The next big thing was the huge event where Angelus was trying to free Acathla.
'That was such a shitshow.' Carl thought as he experienced it. Willow finding the ensouling curse and being overconfident that she could cast the spell to get Angel back. Trying to cast such a dark curse was originally a bad idea. But casting it in a place that had no threshold protections from vampires? And casting the spell in the library, right over the Hellmouth?
That had bad idea written all over it. Especially when Buffy allowed herself to be drawn away from the library when they were about to cast the spell. It was of course a divide and conquer strategy. While Buffy was falling into a trap, the rest of them were attacked at the library.
The battle in the library when Drusilla sent an army of leaches to interrupt the ritual was a complete defeat. Oz was hurt pretty bad, Xander had a broken arm, Cordelia was knocked around badly and out of the fight, and Willow was in a coma in the hospital at the end of the fight. Giles was kidnapped in order to be tortured for information. And Drusilla killed Kendra. Simply sliced her across the throat and let her bleed and choke to death.
Carl was once more swept up in the helpless rage that Xander felt anytime a vampire killed someone he knew. Based on the amount of anger and hate Xander felt for vampires, it was only his love and loyalty to his friends that caused him to not pull out an ambush with a Molotov cocktail on Angel back in the day, since Buffy and Willow kept insisting he wasn't that bad.
Xander hid his feelings quite successfully under his façade of a joker. But he had a depth of feelings that he deliberately hid. Some dumb joker that he portrayed himself as would have no desire to join in vampire slaying activities. And his hatred of vampires grew.
When Buffy returned from the diversion, she discovered the disaster and finally made the choice to kill Angelus.
As Xander, he had no idea what happened in that battle, only that the world didn't end and that Buffy ran away from Sunnydale for the summer. He had hid the information from Buffy that Willow was going to try the curse to pull Angel's soul out of the afterlife and stick it into the vampire again. She was finally ready to fight, and didn't need the distraction or weakness that hope for Angel's return would give her.
So he told Buffy that Willow was awake and that she wanted her to kick Angelus' ass. After that Xander had gotten Giles out of there and to a safe place.
When Xander went back to help Buffy, nobody was in the room except for the statue of the demon Acathla with two swords sticking out of its chest. At least the world didn't end.
It seemed that with the end of the threat that Acathla posed, everything finally calmed down. Angelus, Spike, and Drusilla disappeared and no longer attacked them all summer. So that was good.
But Buffy had also disappeared, which was bad.
So Giles and Joyce spent their summer looking for Buffy while Xander and Willow kept up the patrols to keep down the leech population.
Cordelia had left for the summer, recovering and vacationing with her family. Oz had gone on tour with his band.
Which left only Xander and Willow behind to do that patrols and grow closer once more, without their respective romantic partners around. And like teenagers with overwhelming hormonal urges they couldn't stop themselves from making out occasionally.
Carl didn't know what to think about the whole situation, except that it was a whole bunch of teen drama.
Either way, the summer eventually ended. Cordelia and Oz showed up, and instead of breaking off their trysts, or breaking up with their respective partners, Xander and Willow continued to make out in secret.
Buffy finally came back to Sunnydale at the beginning of October, after Giles and Joyce were able to negotiate her return to school with Principal Snyder. Her return was welcomed by a voodoo mask from her mother's art gallery that summoned a horde of zombies that attacked them until they were able to destroy the mask.
After that the new Slayer showed up in Sunnydale. Faith was running scared from the ancient vampire Kakistos, who had killed her last Watcher back in Boston. Buffy and Faith were able to end Kakistos, but Mr. Trick, Kakistos' assistant, was able to escape, the sneaky leech.
A week later mutilated bodies begin appearing around town. It looks like something feral had torn them apart, which cast suspicion on Oz, the local werewolf.
But they eventually found out that it was one of the High School students, Pete, that had somehow gotten a hold of a Mr. Hyde type potion that transformed him into a rage filled creature. Pete killed his girlfriend before being killed by Buffy.
Carl continued to watch the story of Xander's life, though he was able to keep afloat in the memories much better now. He had been slowly getting used to the flood of memories and feelings, and not being drowned by them.
Xander watched the fight between his girlfriend Cordelia and Buffy as they fought to be the homecoming queen. And then he waited with Willow at the dance for his date. She had not shown up, and he wasn't sure what was going on. Cordelia and Buffy showed up very late to the dance, looking like they had just been in a fight. He got the story from her as he escorted her home that they had been kidnapped by some vampires and had to fight their way out.
A week later Ethan Rayne, Ripper's old buddy, had caused another incident in town. Snyder had forced everyone in school to sell tainted band candy to the adults to raise funds. The candy had caused all the adults that ate them to act like wild teenagers.
Shortly after that incident, a fake Watcher for Faith showed. Gwendolyn Post showed up to use the group to find her an artifact of power, the Glove of Myhnegon, which was able to launch lightning bolts.
Xander also learned that Angel was back, which caused much friction among the group that Buffy didn't tell the group that he was back.
In the end, Gwendolyn Post had gained the Glove and tried to kill them all with the lightning. Angel helped save a few of their friends in the confrontation, so the group generally accepted that Angel was back and was okay again.
Xander still didn't trust Angel because he was a vampire and had already lost his soul once. But he was outvoted by the group, so he sullenly accepted the return of the souled vampire.
And Carl finally arrived at the current incident that caused Xander's injuries and put him into Xander's body.
Xander and Willow had continued their lustful make out sessions from the summer, all the way until that time in mid November. They never took it further than kissing and groping, since they didn't have the urge to seek each other out. They only faced overwhelming lust while they were alone and face to face with each other.
So Carl didn't think it was too bad of an idea of Willow's to figure out some mojo to see if they were cursed. Granted, Willow wasn't a very successful magic user at that time, so he thought they should probably have gone to see if Giles could help them figure out the proper spell.
But Xander was very afraid of magic after the backlashes he had suffered from previously, and tried to talk Willow out of casting the spell.
Which was when the two of them were caught by Spike who was back in town. He beat Xander up pretty badly and dragged away both Willow and Xander to force Willow to cast a love spell on Drusilla, who had apparently dumped him. Afterwards he was probably going to kill them. He was a vampire, after all.
So, fearing that death was going to come for them, they shared a goodbye kiss, expecting to die soon for refusing to help the vampire. Not that Xander was in any shape to think properly, having many broken bones and a concussion.
And that was when Oz and Cordelia opened the door to rescue them and saw them mid-kiss.
The memories that Carl experienced from Xander's point of view were disjointed by that point, due to a severe head injury. So he wasn't sure of what happened after that except that the entire gang ran off and left Xander alone in the factory with many broken bones, a head injury, and damaged ribs. Once he entered the hospital, he promptly passed out.
And then Carl woke up in Xander's body and began experiencing the teenager's life.
The fact that Xander managed to get to the hospital safely in the middle of a Sunnydale night with all his injuries was quite surprising to him in retrospect.
Carl was finally done living the memories of Xander. He opened his eyes and looked around the hospital room he was in. The clock on the wall told him that only a few minutes had passed while he had experienced the life and times of Alexander Lavelle Harris.
With his new understanding that he wasn't in his original world, and that he was in the Vampire Slayer world, he could see the sense of the decorating scheme. Crosses everywhere should help keep the hospital staff safer from the vampires, especially when they received a patient during night who may have been turned into a vampire.
The door opened and the same nurse along with a new doctor poked their heads in the room.
This time around Carl easily caught the significance of the two medical professionals glances at the heart monitor, which was showing a steady heartbeat.
"And how are you, Mr. Harris?" The doctor, whose nametag said Brown, asked, bringing his attention back to the doctor.
"I've felt better." Carl replied. "How long have I been checked in?" He figured he would ponder the oddities in his physical sensations later.
"Yes. Well, you've only been here for 20 hours." The doctor nervously pushed his glasses further up his nose as he eyed the crosses stitched into the bedding that Carl's hands were resting on. "It's quite remarkable. You had quite the fever and rather severe injuries. And yet, within a few hours your fever has broken and you seem to be healing quite quickly. Really, very, surprisingly quickly."
Carl wryly smiled at the doctor's nervous way of talking.
'I can definitely see how that would make them nervous, despite my heartbeat and ability to touch crosses.' Carl wryly thought. 'Anything strange in Sunnydale is dangerous. Even when the Sunnydale Syndrome is encouraging them to ignore the supernatural, they must know on some level how dangerous this place is.'
"Did anyone show up for me?" Carl asked, wondering if any of the Scooby Gang had come by to see how he was doing. He wasn't sure just how injured Xander had been from Spike's beating, but he had been pretty out of it, according to his memories.
"I'm afraid not, Mr. Harris."
Carl felt a momentary annoyance at being called Mr. Harris that he fought down. His memories of Xander's parents weren't particularly flattering, and he shared Xander's dislike of being called Mr. Harris. They didn't abuse him or anything, but they weren't the nicest or most caring of parents.
Neglectful was the best that could be said about them. There really weren't any familial feelings there. Not to mention how there was tension and issues between him and Cordelia dating because of the reputations the Harris' had earned as town drunks. It was hard for Cordelia to overcome her parent's and friend's disapproval of Xander due to his family's reputation.
Carl looked down at his body. His left lower leg was in a brace, his right knee was in a cast, his left arm was in a sling, and his ribs were bound up.
"So, what's the damage, doc? And when can I get out?" Carl was wondering just how he was going to afford the medical bills. He was sure Tony and Jessica wouldn't be pleased.
Dr. Brown stepped fully into the room, apparently reassured by his attempt to act like a normal human. The doctor pulled out a clipboard and looked over the papers for a moment.
"Yes, well. When you came in, you had a severe head injury that gave you a concussion." The doctor pulled out a pen light. "Look straight ahead, please." Carl did so and had the light flash into his eyes one at a time. "You seem to be a remarkably quick healer, Mr. Harris. There's no signs of your concussion anymore."
Carl only just then noticed that the headache that had plagued him earlier was gone. Blinking rapidly, the bright spots had faded from his sight. Confused, he looked questioningly at the doctor.
"Well, let's just check that head injury for now." Only then did Carl realize that the top and back of his head had bandages wrapped around it. Dr. Brown handed the chart to the nurse and reached out his hands, probing around on the back of Carl's head. "Is that tender?"
"No, actually. It doesn't hurt at all." Carl replied.
"Hmm, strange." Dr. Brown continued to prod around for another minute, but found no tender spots on his head. "Well, let's get the bandages off and see how it looks, then."
Carl waited while the doctor pulled the tape off and unwound the bandages. His eyebrow rose in question as he saw Dr. Brown and Nurse Wright simply stare at his head with open mouths. He was getting concerned, even though he now felt perfectly fine.
"How bad is it, still, doc?" Carl finally asked, causing the two to shake themselves a bit. He noticed their eyes unfocused and glazed over a bit, which was odd.
"Well, it looks like your head injury healed just fine, Mr. Harris. We'll have those stitches out in a moment. Abigail, if you would fetch the needed supplies?"
"Yes, Dr. Brown." Nurse Wright left the room and was soon back with a tray of scissors, tweezers, and sanitizing solution.
Dr. Brown soon had the stitches out, and Nurse Wright held up a mirror for him to see the results of his injury. The entire back side of his head was shaved to the skin, and there was a scar that ran three inches from just above his ear to the back of his head.
'I didn't think Spike tagged Xander that good.' Carl thought as he looked at the scar that looked like it had been healing for weeks instead of just 20 some hours. 'How did neither Xander nor Willow notice the amount of blood that had to have bled out? Hmm…fast congealing ability as a result of the Hyena or Fishes, maybe?'
Carl handed the mirror back to the nurse and continued to think on the matter while he was transferred to a wheelchair to go to get some x-rays to see how the rest of his injuries were healing. He let the technical babble of the technicians go over his head, only paying enough attention to follow the instructions to get his various body parts looked over.
'According to his memories, the Hyena possession and the Fish drugs never seemed to benefit Xander that much after everything was cleared up. So why am I suddenly healing so fast now that I'm in possession of his body?' Carl wondered.
Since he had no ready answers, Carl could only put those questions off for now. A short time later, Dr. Brown returned with the x-rays that showed his bones were all healed up. He also finally got the answer to how badly Xander had been beat up by Spike.
His left shin had been cracked pretty bad. Not a full break, but cracked up and down the shin bone. His right knee had been torn and damaged badly enough that he would normally have needed reconstructive surgery and never walked normally again. His left arm and elbow had been practically shattered. And several of his ribs had been cracked. His right shoulder had been dislocated, but was just fine now.
Normally speaking, those injuries would have ended any chance of Xander returning to hunting vampires. Just his knee alone would have completely hampered his mobility. His elbow damage would have weakened his strength considerably.
Really, it was amazing that Xander had been conscious enough to talk to Willow with all that damage, let alone kiss her. Or walk to the hospital afterwards.
Carl was trying not to dwell on the fact that all of Xander's friends had left him all alone when he was so badly injured like that.
"Okay, everything looks good." Dr. Brown told him a couple hours later after all the x-rays were taken, his casts had been removed, and he was dressed in a replacement pair of scrubs that someone had been kind enough to donate.
Dr. Brown and Nurse Wright still had that slightly glazed look in their eyes as they practically shoved him out of the hospital. "You've been a model patient, and you'll do just fine in your recovery. Perfectly healthy."
Carl was thinking they were suffering from some of that Sunnydale Syndrome effect. They were already forgetting how quickly he had healed.
"Hey doc, can I have a copy of my records to go with me before you shove me out?" Carl asked before they discharged him.
"Sure, no problem Mr. Harris."
Taking the folder from the doctor, he was satisfied to see all the needed x-rays. He wanted a copy of the x-rays they took before they fixed him up, as well as after he woke up practically healed.
He wasn't sure what to think about essentially being a different person in a different world. The thought had crossed his mind that he would never see his family again. And he promptly put those thoughts to the back of his mind so he wouldn't depress himself. It helped having all of Xander's memories in his head. It gave him some artificial distance and time to come to terms with his apparent new life.
And with his new life as Xander, he really didn't have much of a support structure to live his new life, aside from his friends and girlfriend. His new parents certainly weren't going to be much help.
But thinking about his friends worried him a bit. He wasn't sure what to think about the casual way that Xander's friends just abandoned him alone and injured the other night.
He had a disjointed memory of Cordelia and Oz bursting in when Willow had been kissing him when she thought they were about to be killed by Spike. So Cordelia and Oz he could understand running off. But what about Willow? She knew he was injured. And what about Buffy? Why didn't she make sure he got to the hospital?
Carl suddenly realized that he had been thinking of Xander's life as his own. Xander's friends as his own. Shrugging that thought away, since he couldn't do anything about it, Carl looked at the breaks and cracks in his bones in the x-rays.
He wanted the proof of the x-rays to make sure that his new friends believed him when he told them about his injuries and quick healing. He was hoping to figure out what weird thing was happening to him, because he shared Xander's dislike for the primal possession, and hoped it wasn't coming back.
The wheelchair he was in was pushed out of the main doors of the hospital after going through the discharge process. Carl stood up when they stopped, his charts in his hands, and watched as the doctor and nurse practically fled back inside. The automatic glass doors slid shut behind them.
"Well, at least one good thing came of Sunnydale Syndrome to the Supernatural." Carl muttered. He hadn't had to sign any bills agreeing to pay for treatment, so he was clear on that front. They couldn't wait to throw him out once he showed he had supernatural healing ability.
Looking around the parking lot, he felt a little forlorn at the half empty lot while he stood in borrowed scrubs and sandals. There was no one waiting for him, and that realization felt horrible.
His real family was a dimension away from him. He had no idea if he could even use the magic of this world to make the trip across those barriers.
And what about his original body over there? Was Xander occupying it right now? If he was and got Carl's memories, then it's not like anyone would be able to tell that someone else was now living his life there.
He took a deep breath in, and held it for a moment before letting it out.
Xander's friends didn't even know he had been in the hospital, so of course they wouldn't be there waiting for him to be released. Carl shrugged and looked in his Xander memories for directions to the Harris residence and began walking. No point standing in a parking lot with nothing to do.
While he walked to Xander's home, he considered his new body. Flexing his arms as he walked, as well as both his legs, he realized that he felt pretty strong and spry, like he could lift a lot of weight, sprint fast, jump high, and keep going for a long time.
"I wonder just how strong I am after whatever happened to make me heal quickly." Carl muttered as he looked around the completely normal sunny streets of Sunnydale. During the day, it didn't look half bad. It was only at night that the vampires came out.
He wondered if he was a lot stronger, or it was just an illusive feeing. It would be wonderful if his magical healing body was strong and fast enough to go toe to toe with vampires. He would be that much more effective at killing leeches.
That was one thing he and Xander had in common. He planned to continue fighting and trying to make the world a bit safer for people. He enjoyed that feeling that Xander got when he knew he was making a difference in people's lives.
Not to mention that if he kept getting deeper into the supernatural, it could be that he might be able to find a way home someday.
Because while he felt some emotional connections to Xander's friends, he was Carl, first and foremost. And he wanted to return to his own life.
Well, despite being Carl, he would have to start thinking of himself as Xander in order to fit in with this world. It wouldn't be good if someone called out to him and he couldn't even "remember" his name or respond.
As he walked the several blocks back to the Harris residence, he saw the various decorations in the streets that indicated it was nearly Thanksgiving. Today was Wednesday, 25 November 1998, which meant that Thanksgiving was the next day.
In Xander's memories there was never really a Thanksgiving meal worth calling it as such at the Harris's. KFC and a 20 pack was not exactly what he thought of as a Thanksgiving meal. But last year he and Willow had been invited over to Buffy's place to celebrate with her and her mother.
In Xander's memories, it was one of the best memories he had over the past year and a half. Seeing the amazing spread of food, and feeling what he could only assume was feelings of family, Xander had been really touched.
Before that he, Willow, and Jesse, who were all kids with defunct parents, had always celebrated with pizza and movies at Willows house. Her parents were never home for holidays. They spent more time away at conferences than they did at home.
Standing outside the Harris residence, Carl shrugged a bit. At least it wasn't a trailer.
By this time the shadows were starting to get long on the ground, so he didn't waste any time sitting outside. From the time he was kidnapped to now was just under 24 hours. A lot happened in a little time.
Inside he saw his parents sitting in front of the TV with drinks in hand.
Tony Harris looked over disinterestedly before taking a sip from the can in his hand.
"Left over chicken in the fridge." Jessica didn't look away from the TV, but offered him some food.
"Thanks." Carl changed the direction he was headed, from Xander's room to the kitchen. He was feeling hungry.
Opening the fridge, he saw the KFC containers, and pulled them out. A few minutes of using the microwave, and he was seated at the table. The sound from the TV show and his parent's drunken commentary accompanied him while eating. There was a full container of left over corn and half a container of mashed potatoes that joined the chicken in his stomach.
Sitting back in the kitchen chair and sipping some water, Carl thought about Xander's parents and how they offered him food and shelter, even if they didn't show much care for him. He decided he wouldn't think too badly of them, and he would try not to disrupt their lives too much. At least they did the bare minimum.
Getting up, he was about to leave the kitchen when he noticed a new note by the phone for him.
'Alexander: Buffy said your invite to Thanksgiving dinner at her house is canceled, and to not call Willow for now. She needs space, or some teenage girl shit like that.'
It was written in his mom's hand writing, and the message was an unexpected emotional blow to him.
Xander stared at the note for a while, shocked at how much the disinvite to the Summer's Thanksgiving meal hurt him. It was causing him to re-evaluate just how much the Xander memories were affecting him.
Taking a deep breath, he grabbed the note, crumbled it up, and threw it in the trash can. He then left, turning off the kitchen light before making his way down the hall to his room.
Standing in the slightly messy room, Xander surveyed his new room. There was a twin bed on one side next to a dresser. On the other was a cheap plywood desk and bookshelf filled with various fantasy books and music tapes.
Carl recognized a lot of it as things that Jesse's parents had packed away when he disappeared. Things that he, Willow, and Jesse had gathered in their lives together as friends.
He sighed a bit as he rummaged in the dresser for a change of clothes before he headed for the shower.
In the bathroom, Xander looked at the lopsided buzz cut he had so that the doctor could stitch up his head. The scar wasn't super noticeable, but it was there. He pulled out a pair of clippers and finished shaving off the other side of his head, leaving it long on top and shaved underneath.
"Eh, looks fine." Xander smirked in the mirror while examining his new haircut before he hopped in the shower, cleaning himself up. Looking down at his body that seemed to have more muscular definition than he remembered, he nodded to himself at a positive through. "At least they didn't put any metal rods in me before I mysteriously healed super fast."
Once he was finished with his shower, he spent some time straightening up his new room, probing his memories for what significance each item had as he placed them away. Whether it was an amusing action figure sitting on the shelves, or a particular novel, or a favorite mix tape.
There were also several stakes hidden around his room, which showed that Xander liked to be prepared for a sudden attack of the leech variety.
Eventually Xander wound down enough with some music and a book to get some sleep. One part of him wanted to go out and test out his newfound strength by hunting. But the more cautious side decided to test out his newfound abilities before he jumped head first into a deadly scenario, especially without backup. Not to mention that he had just barely healed. It was better to get some rest first. So he did.
Xander was up early the next morning, feeling very refreshed after a night's sleep. He felt even better and stronger than he had the previous day. He got dressed in a cheap pair of pants and regular t-shirt.
Sniffing the air as he exited his room, he knew from the scents that his parents were still in bed since they hadn't made their regular breakfast. At that point, he realized his sense of smell was a lot stronger since yesterday.
He realized he was still changing physically. His sense of smell and sight hadn't been quite so sharp yesterday as it was today. It reminded him of the high level sense of smell Xander had during the Hyena possession.
Not to mention that the instinctive desire to use his sense of smell to evaluate his surroundings wasn't something he was exactly used to, so that was another change in himself. Xander decided he wouldn't worry about where the changes were going, since he seemed to be in control of himself. He would just note and evaluate them to make sure he understood his capabilities.
He spent some time cooking up half a dozen eggs, bacon, and toast. He was feeling hungry again already. After polishing it all off, he looked down at his stomach speculatively. He was actually still hungry, but if he made anymore there wouldn't be any eggs left over for his parents, so he made some peanut butter and jelly sandwiches instead.
Stacking them up on a paper towel, Xander grabbed his medical files before leaving the Harris house and began walking towards the school while munching on his sandwiches.
While it was Thanksgiving and the school would be shut down, there were some ways in that Giles had arranged in the case of emergencies. The Hellmouth was sitting in the library, after all. It wouldn't be good for them to fail to save the world from some threat due to a lock getting in their way.
And he didn't know if Giles would show up for a time at the library or not, so he thought he would bring his x-rays just in case so he could talk about it with him if he was there.
Looking around the town all decorated up for Thanksgiving, he felt very conflicting emotions bubbling up in him.
He had all the memories of dating Cordelia and getting close to her over the past several months. He also had memories of sneakily making out with Willow, which was a big no-no in his mind. It's one thing if everyone in a group knows and agrees to have open relations with each other.
But when someone commits to a monogamous relationship, it's a betrayal to get involved with others. And trying to act like just because Xander and Cordelia hadn't specifically talked about and prohibited dating around, so that made it okay, was a level of despicablness, sophistry, and hypocrisy that he was disgusted by.
So thinking about the things that had happened to Xander in the past bit, with his friends not only abandoning him while he was injured, disinviting him from Thanksgiving dinner, and the likelihood that Cordelia was pretty hurt by the kiss she had seen, Xander decided that he would drop by her house a bit later to talk with her about what happened.
Cordelia deserved more consideration than Xander had shown her when he was sneaking around behind her back and making out with another girl. Now that he was in a new body, in a new world, with a mess left behind by the previous owner, he would have to clean up the mess before he got on with his new life.
Based on the note that Buffy had left with Jessica, Carl was pretty sure that his friendships in this world were on the rocks, if not ending outright. He wasn't sure what the right thing to do with Cordelia was. Should he go talk to her today? Or should he wait a day or so?
And what was the right thing in the first place? He wasn't Xander, and while he did feel some affection for the girl, he wasn't exactly her boyfriend. Even though he was. Kinda.
So while he knew there were all kinds of issues that needed attention, the new Xander decided to put them off until the afternoon or the next day. The first thing he needed to do was to get a handle on his new physical abilities that seemed to pop up.
'I'm not even sure if I've got a regeneration healing ability now, or if it was a one-time thing when I was thrown into this body.'
Xander paused outside the school grounds as he scanned around for the presence of any vehicles that indicated faculty being present that would get in his way.
And it was a good thing he did, since he saw the little Fuhrer's car parked in the principal's spot. Snyder was in, the little troll.
Xander hesitated, thinking about the issue. He wanted to get in and use the weight lifting equipment to test his strength and endurance, to see if there was any practical change, or if it was all in his head. But he really didn't want to have to handle the Principal.
"It's too bad he's not a vampire. One stake and a dustbuster, and he wouldn't be a problem anymore." Xander muttered while looking at the window where the principal's office was located. "Should I come back later? Should I chance it? And what is he doing here at 6:30 in the morning on a Thanksgiving Day, anyway?"
Xander shrugged and gave in to his paranoia about the principal since the school did sit on a Hellmouth. It wouldn't be a bad thing to sneak in and see if he could find anything on the little troll.
Casually walking over to Snyder's office window, he kept an eye out for the principal or anyone else around. Not many people were up so early on a holiday, so the streets were practically empty. He was keeping his body language casual so his behavior wouldn't scream "sneaky and breaking rules" if anyone was around.
Looking inside the window, he saw in a glance that the office was empty, so he continued on around the corner.
'Now where could that troll be? And what is he up to?'
He made his way to the doors closest to the prinicipal's car and tested the doors to see if they were locked. They were open. 'How odd. Why wouldn't Snyder lock the doors after himself?'
With a shrug, he entered and closed the doors softly behind himself. The heavy scent of years of students hung in the halls, a strange yet familiar scent from the time he had been possessed by the Hyena. But layered on top of all those scents was the fresh scent of Snyder from just several minutes ago.
Strange how the scent markers could almost make trails in the air as they drifted on air currents. Half closing his eyes in concentration, Xander followed his nose.
Walking down the empty hallways quietly, he realized that Snyder was most likely in the library. Which was odd, since the Scooby Gang spent a lot of time there, and only rarely would Snyder enter that place, and only to berate them.
Pausing outside the library doors, he listened for anything beyond the door. He heard faint grumblings in the voice of his principal. A loud metallic clatter was followed by a curse. A wooden squeaking and thumping followed.
Xander cracked the door, confident that he wouldn't be heard. Seeing the coast was clear, he slipped inside and through the stacks. Peeking around the corner he was hidden from, Carl saw Snyder climbing back up a ladder with a screwdriver in hand.
Snyder was dressed in sweats instead of his usual suit, which was a very odd sight. He was unscrewing a ventilation grate. At the top of the ladder rested what looked like a microphone/electronic device. Snyder was keeping one hand on it so it didn't fall, which is why he seemed to be so clumsy in unscrewing the vent.
Xander watched as Snyder switched out one recording device for the fresh one on the ladder. The interesting thing was that the vent was directly above where the Scooby Gang did a lot of their research and planning sessions.
After replacing that recording device, Snyder put away the ladder back in the stacks. Xander made sure to stay away from the man as he did so. The principal pulled a key out of his pocket and picked up a second recorder device, and made his way to Giles' office.
Xander heard the sounds of Snyder taking off a vent cover in the office and replacing the recorder.
Snyder shut off the lights and left the library. A moment later, Xander was listening at the door, and from the sounds of it, Snyder was headed to his office most likely, rather than the front door.
Once he was sure that Snyder had turned a corner, Xander slipped out of the Library and made his way cautiously to just outside Snyder's door. Focusing his hearing, he heard the tape being played high speed. Once voices started talking, Snyder would pause and listen to the conversation. If it wasn't any of the Scooby Gang, Snyder would continue to fast forward the recording.
There were a few interesting conversations that caught his attention.
Giles and Buffy talked about where and when she would patrol on Thanksgiving weekend. That concerned Xander greatly because of what it implied about their operational security. Namely that they had none.
Buffy and Willow talking about not having him, Xander, at the Thanksgiving meal. Xander shook his head a bit sadly. He would have liked to have enjoyed Mrs. Summer's delicious feast, but oh well. It didn't sound like his friendship with them was going to survive this event.
Buffy and Willow also talked about how horrible Xander was for taking advantage of Willow by kissing her in a life threatening situation, instead of trying to escape. Well, that last one was mostly Buffy ranting about him and Willow just kind of eeping or occasionally agreeing with her. Apparently Buffy still held a grudge about what Xander had done when he was possessed by the Hyena and just assumed he was always sexually aggressive like that, or something.
Xander shook his head with a small sad sigh. His friends apparently really didn't think too highly of him.
Then the two girls talked about how Cordelia had gotten injured by falling on a piece of metal after she saw Xander and Willow kissing, and was currently in the hospital. Buffy then ranted about how bad she felt for Cordelia to be cheated on by her boyfriend, and then have to spend Thanksgiving in the hospital. It was too bad that Xander was such a bad boyfriend, etc...
Xander shook his head. He knew that Buffy had opinions and was very stubborn, but for her to just lambaste him like that really hurt inside. It also annoyed him that Willow didn't bother to refute Buffy or defend him. It takes two to tango, and Willow had initiated most of the make out sessions. She was far from innocent in the matter.
Carl shook his head and refocused on the now. He was annoyed because his feelings being so hurt meant that Xander's emotions and life had really affected him strongly, now that he was piloting the body, now that he was Xander.
He had heard more than enough for now. He slipped away from Snyder's office and made his way out of the school, avoiding Snyder's window so he wouldn't be seen.
Testing his strength could wait a bit, especially since the troll was there. He didn't want the spying principal to see what he could do. For now, he needed to visit a friend in the hospital.
Xander swung by his home to grab some of his pocket money and bought a bouquet of flowers for Cordelia.
Asking at the nurses station, he got a room number for Cordelia. By now it was 8:30, so she was probably up.
He gently knocked on the door of her room, and cracked it open. Looking in, he was surprised to see Cordelia was actually asleep still. She looked okay, if a bit pale, which relieved him a bit.
Xander shook his head, surprised at how seeing this girl for the first time affected his emotions. It was a bit different from only seeing her in Xander's memories.
He gently placed the vase of flowers on the desk nearby and sat down to wait for her to wake so they could talk. Leaning back, he stared off into nothing while he thought about his unusual situation and how much he was going to tell this girl.
"I'm very angry with you." A voice caused him to look over, and he saw her eyes glaring into his. "You have surprised me, though. I didn't think you'd have the bravery to show up here, now, after two days of hiding. I thought you would have run away. So I'll let you say your piece."
Looking into her eyes, Carl/Xander felt the sudden urge to tell her about everything that happened, namely that he wasn't Xander. He didn't know why he felt so strongly about this girl he only just met for the first time. He could only blame Xander's feelings.
Without a word, he handed her the medical chart and let her look at it first while he considered the pros and cons of telling Cordelia everything.
After several minutes of looking through the x-rays and medical reports, she looked up at him.
"So what is this?" She sounded confused, but she was a smart girl, so he figured she understood the gist. She just wanted to hear what he had to say about it.
Carl suddenly made the decision that he wanted at least one person in this world to know exactly what happened. He knew it was reckless, that it could backfire on him. Giles might call up a coven to exorcise him from Xander's body, leaving him dead.
But he had already lost his own family, his world, and he was stranded here in a body not his own, mired in some annoying drama that might see the end of Xander's support structure of friends. So seeing that everything Xander had was on the verge of collapsing anyway, Carl decided he just didn't care.
He had been trying to force himself to take on Xander's identity for the past several hours, but the truth of it was that he didn't want to take the blame for the whole mess. He had no patience for acting penitent for something he hadn't ever done. And if that meant that he was basically cast out to the next life…well, he had already basically died in his own life.
So Carl/Xander decided to go with the whole truth and see what happens.
"Two nights ago, Xander and Willow were talking about using a de-lusting spell."
Cordelia's eyes narrowed in anger, and some confusion at why Xander was talking about himself in the third person. "Cheating bastard." She muttered, but Carl didn't respond to her curse in any way.
"For some reason, whenever Xander and Willow were alone together, they couldn't keep their hands off each other. Willow wanted to immediately cast the de-lust spell so they would stop cheating on their boyfriend and girlfriend. Xander had fears that magic always seemed to go awry around him, and wanted to go to Giles to find out if they already had a spell on them that was making them act that way before they cast spells willy nilly."
Carl raised his hand when Cordelia was about to interrupt. "Let me finish telling this, then you can ask questions or yell or whatever."
Seeing that she nodded sharply, Carl continued. "Before they could come to any conclusion about their course of action, Spike showed up and kidnapped the two of them. Xander tried to fight him off to give Willow time to run, but he failed."
Carl pointed at the medical records in Cordelia's hands. "That set of pictures is the record of his injuries. Ribs, legs, and arms. Cracked and broken bones. Nasty concussion. Xander was quite out of it. He and Willow talked about what Spike wanted with them, which was a love spell that would make Drusilla go back to him. Apparently they broke up."
Carl shrugged at the incredulous look Cordelia was giving him. "Dunno. Pathetic bitch of a leech." He ignored the strange look Cordelia was giving him at his cursing. He knew damned well that Xander didn't usually curse like that.
"Anyway. After their phenomenally horrible experience with a previous love spell, the two of them were convinced that even casting the spell for Spike would end in their deaths. Willow decided that she would give Xander a 'goodbye' kiss, since the two of them were probably going to die soon."
Xander nodded at the look of anger on Cordelia's face. "And that is when Xander's girlfriend and Willow's boyfriend opened the door to save them. Xander's memories aren't quite lucid at that point. He does know all his friends ran off, leaving him alone at night in a warehouse with severe injuries. How he managed to get himself to a hospital in that state without being drained by a vampire, I have no idea."
"No…" Cordelia whispered, looking a bit afraid at the implications of what Carl was saying.
"I know I'm not a vampire. Crosses and sunlight have proven that to me. I woke up in the hospital, badly injured and with a terrible concussion. A few minutes later I'm reliving Xander's life. As far as I can tell from his memories, I'm that soldier he was possessed by on that Halloween."
"What?"
"My name was Carl. I had a dream about that night, years ago. I was in a monster ridden town. But I woke up the next day like normal, and life went on. I lived for another several years like normal. But then I woke up in the hospital in Xander's body yesterday, and I've no idea why or how. A bit later, after seeing all of Xander's memories, I'm suddenly healed up like magic. No idea why or how."
"Is…Xander dead?" Cordelia asked, many different emotions playing across her face. Remaining anger at her boyfriend cheating on her warred with sadness and guilt that she was the reason Xander was abandoned while he was so injured, and that he was dead. Things that couldn't be forgiven easily while there was a living outlet no longer meant so much when the person was dead.
"I'm not sure. I like to think that we swapped bodies somehow. That way there will be someone to fill in for me with my family over there."
Cordelia looked away from him then, staring into space. Carl sat quietly, letting her process what he told her, not pushing her to talk.
"I was just so angry at the dweeb." Cordelia started talking. "Even though dork boy was a fashion disaster and a social outcast, he had his good points. Even when we still hated each other, before I started helping the group with their patrols, he saved me. Twice."
Carl just hummed to acknowledge that he was listening.
"And I started changing because of it. Because I spent time with him, doing heroic things in the dark against monsters. If dork boy could save me like that, and work with me, what about all the other people that I always disparaged and put down? What about that invisible girl, Marcie? What if I hadn't been such a bitch over the years, would she still be okay?"
Cordelia reached up and wiped away some tears from her eyes.
"And so I let him in. I decided I didn't care what my 'friends' or parent's said. I would see where it went with him. Maybe…maybe it could work? Who knows, right? If monsters were real, then maybe the fairy tale of a knight and princess living happily ever after could exist too?"
"But then I saw him and Willow sucking face. I was just so angry at him for betraying me. Angry at myself for hoping for something impossible. Angry at everything. So I ran."
"Cordelia." Carl interrupted, causing her to look over. "Is that when you were injured? I heard Buffy and Willow talking about how you fell on a piece of metal."
"Yeah…" Cordelia looked away again. "I fell through some rusted walkway OSHA disaster, and a piece of metal pierced my stomach. They brought me here…and…oh god. If I hadn't run away, I wouldn't have gotten injured and they could have brought Xander here. And I'm the reason he's dead."
Carl cautiously moved over to the bed and sat sideways on it, awkwardly hugging the crying girl as she bawled. He tried to tell her that it wasn't her fault, that sometimes accidents happen, and that she had suffered too, but that she would be fine because she was strong.
Carl knew he wasn't good at comforting someone, but Cordelia eventually cried herself out and fell back asleep.
Sitting back down in the chair, Carl wiped away his own tears. Tears for his lost life and family in another world. Something told him that he wasn't ever going to be able to go home again. He wasn't sure if it was just a fear that lingered, or if some higher being was passing him a message to not bother trying.
Either way, the loss of everything he knew was painful.
And yet…he felt better for having told Cordelia everything, for getting it off his chest to at least one person. He felt better that he wasn't trying to accept the blame from Cordelia about Xander having cheated on her and caused her injury. He felt better having talked about it with someone.
Not that he felt great, or even good. But it was…better.