[AN: This has quite a bit of dialog yoinked from the original story when Carl finally sticks the landing. But if I continue the story, it would diverge greatly after this first chapter.]

Carl blinked his eyes open, trying to remember where he was. Who he was. What was he supposed to be doing?

Sunlight shone through his window, and he looked around the room he found himself in. There were dirty clothes strewn about on the floor around a laundry basket. There was a desk with a rolling chair in front of it, and a desktop computer, monitor, keyboard and mouse sitting on top of the desk. Next to the computer was a very faded Harkins 32 ounce cup with the year 2012 labeled on the side.

It had been quite a while since he'd gone to the theatre, let alone been a regular movie goer. But the large cups were perfect for ice water.

Carl blinked again as his memory rebooted itself and his reality made sense again. He had been sunk so deep in the persona of the person he was experiencing the dream through, that his real life seemed unfamiliar and strange upon waking up.

It was a tragedy dream of a world ending apocalypse via meteor strikes and world flooding. Thinking back to the dream, just before he woke up, where he was standing on top of a mountain, watching the valley below him overflow with floodwaters, destroying everything, with only a few survivors surrounding him, and remembering the despair he felt…

Carl shook his head and got up from bed. Best not to dwell on dreams when he's got things to do today. After washing the sleep residue from his face, Carl made himself breakfast while an audio book played in the background on his phone.

Finishing up breakfast, he put the dishes away in the dishwasher to be cleaned later, then headed out to his car with his backpack in hand. He was meeting his friends at the library to spend a day playing DnD in one of the study rooms, since no one ever seemed to use those, for whatever reason. The large tables and chairs certainly gave them plenty of room to play, better than any of their apartments.

He was just driving through the green light at the intersection at 32nd street and main when his whole world jumped sideways in a huge crashing noise that overwhelmed his senses. The vertigo from his car being smashed into by a semi truck caused him to basically blank out and not understand what was happening.

Carl only really came to his senses a few minutes later when he was upside down, held to his seat by his seatbelt, and in a decent amount of pain. It felt like his whole body was bruised up. He began reaching for his seatbelt, to undo it and crawl out of the wreck, when darkness began creeping into his vision. He was fading fast. Reaching up, he tried to slap some alertness into his mind, but his hand was really clumsy, and it was…coated with red stuff? Was he bleeding that badly?

The darkness took Carl.

Carl woke up confused. Very confused.

And oh so thirsty.

"Uh. What happened last night? Where am I?"

He was lying in something warm and sticky. And he was folded up in some weird position. His legs were bent under his body, his left arm was propped up on something, while his right arm was underneath something heavy.

Opening his eyes, he couldn't see anything since there was gunk all over his face and eyes. Nothing appeared to hurt, he didn't have a headache, surprisingly enough after waking up from a bender. He closed his eyes again, blinking rapidly to try to clear his vision while he pulled his left arm down to try to prop himself up.

He was able to pull his right arm out of the weight next to him and sit up. His hands felt sticky, so he didn't think rubbing his eyes was a good idea. But his vision was getting clearer as he continued rapidly blinking.

His face felt funny, though. Like his mouth was shaped wrong. Odd. Did he get in a fight and get punched by someone? But it didn't hurt?

"Wait…I remembered now," Carl mumbled to himself. "I was driving to the library to play some DnD with my buddies, and then I got in a car accident and was bleeding. And now…where am I?"

Carl's vision finally cleared up, and he saw that he was lying in a large mansion looking hallway with wood paneling, lovely carpets, and paintings on the walls.

Well, the carpets would be lovely if they weren't piled up with corpses that had bullet holes riddled through them and blood leaking out everywhere around him.

"Shit." Carl croaked as he unsteadily got to his feet, stumbling on the blood and limbs of the corpses around him. He leaned against the wall for a moment, looking left and right. He didn't see anything else but corpses around him.

He suddenly realized that he was hearing gun shots somewhere else in the mansion.

"Double shit." Carl started picking his way through the bloody mess away from the sounds of gunfire while ignoring the burning sensation of thirst in his throat. Once he'd gotten away from this disaster, he would find a hose or something to drink from to quench his thirst.

The regular gunfire died down after the sounds of two cannon like shots, and one huge explosion. Carl picked up his pace as he stumbled down the unfamiliar halls. He had no idea what was going on here, or how he got here, but he wanted no part of this shoot out.

Hearing movement behind him, Carl turned around to look for a moment. His eyes bulged in disbelief as he saw the corpses waking up and getting to their feet. The group of walking corpses faced away from him and began walking towards where the gunfire had sounded from.

Carl came to an abrupt and chilling realization, and looked down at his own body. He was in a green long sleeved military uniform that was shot up and bloody. On his left breast he saw a red and black unit insignia shaped like a shield that was bordered in gold. The world HELLSING was written on the top, and the rest of the shield was split into four sections.

The upper left square was red, and written in black font was "WE ARE ON A MISSION FROM GOD". The lower right section showed a chess Rook piece in gold on a red background. The other two empty squares were black.

Carl shivered in fear at the sight, since he was pretty sure he knew where he was now.

He was in the damned Hellsing cartoon, in the middle of when the Valentine brothers attacked the Hellsing organization during a Round Table meeting. Judging from the looks of himself, he somehow found himself inhabiting one of the Hellsing soldiers that died and was turned into a ghoul.

Running his tongue over his teeth that were all longer and sharper, he was pretty sure he was now a Ghoul. He didn't even have the luck to be transmigrated into an actual vampire! No, he was a lowly ghoul, the cockroach of the supernatural world.

"Shit, shit, shit." Carl croaked and he sped up his efforts to find an exit. All the context clues explained where he was, and what he was, he just had no idea how he got here. But that wasn't important for the moment. He could worry about all those metaphysical whatsits later.

The important thing at the moment was that he was in the body of a ghoul. Ghouls were usually mindless creatures under the control of the vampires who turned them. He had no idea how he had his consciousness and willpower, but he wasn't going to question it right then. Hellsing had no mercy for ghouls, and would kill him the moment they saw him. He had to get away.

Currently present in this building at this very moment were Alucard, the original and nearly unbeatable Dracula, Seras Victoria, a police girl that was Alucard's childe, and Walter, the Angel of Death. A butler who could kill master vampires. All three of whom could kill him in a second if they spotted him!

He needed to get the fuck away, right the hell now!

Carl finally came to the large stairs, which led downstairs to the entrance hall. Looking at the front door, Carl paused for a moment to debate with himself what he should do.

This attack on the Hellsing organization was coordinated by the Nazi organization Millenium. The bug-fuck war crazy Nazi Major that organized this attack loved war and killing and chaos. He would do anything to sow more chaos and mayhem while trying to kill Alucard.

The attack would be over soon enough. Seras, Walter, and Alucard would finish off the remaining attackers. So Carl needed to be as far away as he could get before they started clearing the rest of the grounds and spotted him, and killed him too.

But he was also really concerned about what kind of surveillance the damned Nazis would have on this piece of land.

Would they spot him fleeing and act to capture him? If they saw him, of course they would. They used anyone they could to sow chaos and destruction. What was one more ghoul thrown in the mix?

So should he flee through a side door or window, and avoid the roads?

The sounds of resumed gunfire pushed him on his way.

Carl turned left from the front door and started looking through windows as he ran. Out the front of the mansion windows, he saw empty grass lawns. No cover or concealment, no good.

He ran along the hallway, and after turning a corner, found the next side of the mansion. There were buildings that looked like military training grounds outside those windows. He hesitated, unsure of how good an option fleeing from that window was.

Carl didn't hear anymore gunfire, which meant his time was very limited.

Grabbing the military rifle that was still on a sling around his shoulders, he used the butt stock to smash through the window. It must have been tempered glass, because it didn't smash on the first hit. Putting all his strength into it, he smashed through the glass on his second swing. Probably because of his ghoul strength.

Kicking out the glass, he hopped out and down to the grass outside. Scurrying along, he found that he was actually pretty damned fast. Very much faster than he was as a human; and much faster than he expected a ghoul to be, after watching the cartoons and seeing how they basically moved like zombies.

Maybe they had superhuman abilities, but their mindless characteristic made them too dumb to use them? Carl would think on that later, when he had breathing room.

Reaching the first building across the grass, he ran around the perimeter, and then began running alongside the building, away from the main mansion.

Carl really didn't have much of a plan in mind, other than to get away from Hellsing before he would be murdered by elder vampire or butler or cute vampire police girl.

The grounds were surprisingly large. Carl still didn't see any fence line even after running several hundred yards. Up ahead there was a small forest that Carl hoped to make use of and get out of sight before anyone noticed him.

He was only a few yards from the forest when a tall figure in a long red coat stepped out of the tree line directly in front of Carl. His crazy black hair flowed in the wind, and his red eyes stared at Carl with an amused air, while he lazily raised a huge hand cannon in Carl's direction.

Carl tripped in his fear fueled shock, and went rolling ass over teakettle.

"Boring." The resonate voice with a hint of suppressed bloodlust was followed immediately by the sound of a gunshot.

Carl fell back into inky blackness.

Carl's eyes popped open and he frantically looked around. His heart was racing, the pulse pounding in his head. It was night time, wherever he was. But he didn't see a crazy, bloodthirsty old vampire aiming a gun at him, so he gradually calmed down.

Looking down, he saw that he was currently dressed in pajamas and sitting in bed. The covers he'd kicked aside when he woke up in a panic.

"Great," Carl groaned as he flopped onto his back in bed. "Where am I now?"

Despite feeling tired, Carl got out of bed and looked around for clues to which world he was in now. It was really trippy that after he died in his original world, he had then gone to the Hellsing world and promptly died there too.

There was a mirror, so he stepped in front of it to check out what he looked like now. He was about 12 years old, and he had a pale face, black hair, and black eyes.

Just then he felt an itching in his eyes, causing him to rub them to try to alleviate the symptom. After rubbing them, they felt a bit better, but when he looked in the mirror again his jaw dropped open in shock. His iris had turned red, and he had one tomoe in each eye.

His vision was so much sharper than before. He really had the sharingan!

"Dude…" Carl grinned. "This is so much better than being an undead vampire. I get chakra magic, the hax eyes, and possible future senjutsu magic as well. This world is looking-"

Of course that was when a heaviness filled the air, causing Carl to break out in cold sweats while shivering. The air felt so heavy it was hard to breathe. Stumbling to the window, he looked out to see if he could spot what was happening.

And that was when he saw a nightmare incarnate in physical form. The giant form of the nine-tail fox, as big as a mountain, lit up at night by its own fiery chakra. Its tails were waving around, and Carl could tell that it was pissed!

Before he could manage to make himself move, a tail came speeding towards him. The only reason he was able to see that much was that the sharingan gave him such visual acuity. Of course his immature sharingan eyes did nothing to help him avoid the deadly tail, and it smashed apart his house and dozens of others when it slammed into the ground.

Carl faded away into darkness once more.

Carl blinked awake feeling incredibly weak and woozy, and being dragged along the ground by his leg. The very rough ground. He immediately kicked out with his other leg, trying to dislodge the hand grabbing his ankle that he could feel but couldn't see due to the darkness.

Unfortunately for him, that grip didn't lessen any from his kick. Whoever had a hold of him did pause in their dragging, though. Just as Carl was going to try again, he saw a pair of illuminated creature eyes staring at him from just a few feet away.

He didn't get a chance to do anything as he felt a blow land on his temple, knocking him out for a while.

He came to sitting in a chair in a candle-lit underground chamber of some kind. He still felt very woozy and unable to think very straightforward. Being knocked out for more than a few seconds was a bad thing, right? That mean lots of brain damage.

Carl's attention was then caught by the scene in front of him. There was a short blonde haired vampire in ugly Buffyverse style facial makeover that was being loomed over by a completely freaky looking bat-like vampire. Hovering off to the side with a sadistic smile was a tall and massive vampire with brown hair.

Carl gulped. He recognized this scene as the prison of the Master, an ancient vampire that was trying to bust open the Hellmouth and bring Hell back to Earth. Darla and Luke were the other two vampires.

He immediately tried jumping to his feet, but his limbs weren't working properly and he fell face first.

"Well, if it's the little snack, awake and trying to run."

Carl rolled his eyes at the banter the Master was throwing out. Yes, yes, big bad vampire. Now if only he still had the sharingan and had some ninja training. He would great fireball these vampires into flambé.

"Bring him here." Luke followed the Master's orders and grabbed Carl up by the back of his shirt and dragged him over.

"A little bit of sustenance to tide me over until the Harvest can commence. Bon appetit."

Without further ado, the master latched onto Carl's neck and drained him, bringing back the darkness that crept up over his vision.

Before he died, Carl tried to concentrate all his hatred and disgust for vampires into his very being. He was hoping to influence the blood demon they put in his body into hating vampires, and hunting those beasts rather than humans. It happened in one fic he read, so why not this one?

The darkness claimed Carl yet again as his brand new life ended.

Carl opened his eyes immediately scanned his surroundings. There were crowds of people screaming and running every which way, trying to get into cover. There were strange grey skinned or grey armored aliens running around, shooting people, flying by on hover bikes, and pandemonium ruled.

He immediately dashed towards what looked like an alley that he might be able to get out of the open from, but immediately tripped as his balance and footing was not as he was used to.

Looking at his hands were scraped up from catching him from face-planting into the sidewalk, he idly noted in the back of his mind that his hands were very feminine. Dainty with nail polish. A woman's hands. He took a moment to throw off the high heels that his new body was wearing.

Getting to his feet, he had enough extra processing power to note in the back of his mind that he had on a dress skirt and blouse, and that he had boobs on his chest. Neither were very conducive to his immediate survival, so he ignored those facts.

As he was running towards the alley in his bare feet, he noted that his balance and hips were all off, compared to what he was used to. It made it surprisingly awkward to run, since he wasn't used to it.

And right before a giant Chitauri Leviathan crash landed right on top of him, ridden down by the Hulk who had smashed it good, Carl realized that this reincarnation was in the Marvel Cinematic universe, and he had been thrown into a woman's body.

He felt a brief moment of intense pain as all his bones shattered under the Leviathan, and his organs were pulped. Then the darkness consumed him once more.

Before Carl even opened his eyes, he heard screams and yelling. Someone ran into him, knocking him down. Even more people kept stepping on him, heavy weight being rammed into his body causing pain.

Grunting at the effort, he rolled to the side, viciously punching at any legs that were smashing into him, doing whatever he could to get away from the stampede.

He was pretty sure his left forearm was broken from a heavy stomp from some asshole. His guts felt very similar to his last "life" where he was squished by a freaking alien Leviathan.

Carl finally found some free space where he wasn't being trampled. He managed to finally get a proper look at his surroundings. It looked like a medieval village. Looking down, he had a frown on his face to see that he had been thrown into a female body again. He was wearing a white shirt and underskirt that was covered in dirt and blood from himself, with a brown overdress of some kind all tied up instead of having buttons.

It was then he heard the sound. It was a deep reverberating bellow, ten times worse than any Tyrannosaurus roar done for the movies. The roar vibrated in his very bones, sparking a fear that he had never experienced before.

Looking towards the bellow, he saw an absolutely enormous wall that stretched from one side to the other. And peering over that wall was a vision of horror. A giant humanoid head, red muscles exposed with no skin coloring, and a beady eyed glare met Carl's gaze.

"Fucking Titans…"

Looking down, he saw exactly what he expected. A hole in the wall, kicked out by that giant titan. Pushing against the wall on his back, attempting to get to his feet, he was taken by surprise by the intense pain in his right leg that caused him to fall back down, nearly blacking out.

Looking down with gritted teeth, he pushed aside his dress and saw the bones sticking out of his shin. A very nasty break, no doubt from the damned panicking mob. Looking back towards the gate and seeing the "small" Titans running his way, Carl couldn't really blame them for their fear, even if he was pissed to be in this situation.

"Fuck. Looks like another life down the crapper. Why the hell is this happening to me? And with such shitty timing for when to insert me into these different people?"

Carl looked around, hoping to see a doorway he could get into and maybe hide in the basement to stretch his time out. Maybe he could get rescued by the military when they took back the city?

Unfortunately for Carl, his time was up. A fast moving titan that was four meters tall reached him at that time. Easily picking up the struggling Carl, the Titan opened it's mouth wide and chomped off Carl's head.

He once more faded into darkness.

Carl blinked and realized he and another boy was reaching for this big trophy at the same time.

"Three," The other boy said and they both grabbed on at the same time.

He felt like a hook latched onto his navel and pulled him along. The travel time lasted for a few seconds, causing him to feel dizzy from the backwards pulling sensation.

Landing on the ground, he and the other boy sprawled to the ground. He felt quite beat up already, and achingly pushed himself up to look around. There were grave stones all around them, and a nearly full moon shone down on them, illuminating what little he could see.

Getting to his feet, he saw the other boy favoring one of his legs that was bleeding. Just then the boy with glasses and messy black hair clutched his forehead and collapsed to the ground.

"Kill the spare."

Carl whirled towards the voice, only to get a face full of emerald green light smashing into him. Feeling his body falling to the ground, with darkness engulfing him, he finally realized he had landed in Cedric Diggory's body at the end of the Tri-Wizard tournament.

He had just enough time to indignantly curse the fact that he wasn't getting any memory downloads. If he had, he would have totally been ready to counter Wormtail and Voldemort before he took a Killing Curse to the face.

The darkness took Carl.

Carl just blinked his eyes open when he saw a scene of destruction in front of him. It was almost becoming normal for him to expect that he would be in a situation where he would be killed as soon as he "woke up". So he immediately began running in the direction he was facing, looking around for any clues for what was happening.

A moment later, he slowed to a stop. There was absolutely no one around him. Looking down, he saw that he was once more thrown into a female body. He was wearing a Japanese school girl uniform.

"I don't even understand, let alone speak Japanese, though…" Carl looked around at the signs that meant absolutely nothing to him, trying to figure out what to do.

Just then an absolutely enormous sound blasted his ear drums and the grown shook something fierce, causing him to fall to his butt.

Looking up, he saw a giant mech sliding to a stop almost on top of him.

"Well, at least it didn't squish me this-"

Carl's optimism was cut off as a giant Angel from the series Neon Genesis Evangelion landed on the mech from a mighty leap. The landing as enough force to smash the buildings around him, and Carl was buried under the debris.

As consciousness faded from him once more, he wondered just what a lone Japanese school girl was doing in the area that was obviously evacuated, and why he was thrown in her body.

Darkness took him once more.

Carl opened his eyes to see an absolutely slovenly disgusting old man leering at him from behind a long table. The hall was a medieval setting, with tables set up with plenty of food. It was some kind of feast or celebration.

The old man stood up and began talking. Carl barely paid attention while looking at his body, which was apparently female again. His long hair laid against his back, and he was in an old fashioned dress.

"…my king has married, and I owe my new queen a wedding gift."

Carl's attention zeroed in on the old man for a second and he frowned, trying to figure out what situation he was thrown into now. The past seven lives of dying, eight including his original life, convinced him this was a deadly situation.

"Robb!"

A middle aged looking lady at a nearby table cried out, when Carl was grabbed from behind and a knife shoved into his gut several times in rapid succession. His arms were weak, and right from the first it all happened too fast for him.

He tried getting to his feet when the person who knifed him moved on, but his strength failed him. He only barely noticed all the crossbowmen in the wings and upper floors of the hall shooting everyone sitting in the middle.

As darkness faded from his eyes, he realized he had just attended a Red Wedding as a guest of honor.

Darkness took Carl once more.

Carl blinked his eyes open, and looked around him.

"You know what they say…a man's home is his castle." A giant of a man with long black hair was saying from where he was leaning up against the brick wall of an enclosed room. "In a manor of speaking."

Carl looked at the rest of the group of people who were staring blankly at the giant man. There was an enormously tall girl with turquoise hair, a floating cat with blue fur, and a boy with messy black hair that was half a head taller than him.

The group of people in front of him gave him a big clue as to where he was, but looking down at his body, he got a clue as to who he was now.

"Yamcha-sama…What was that? Just now…" The floating cat cautiously asked.

"…a joke." Yamcha said with sullenness that no one laughed at his pun.

There was a long string of silence as the group seemed to generally ignore Yamcha's attempt at humor while they were trapped in the stone prison.

Carl meanwhile was staring incredulously at his short piggy body. He could feel his enormous ears flopping around his head, and could see his snout in front of his eyes. It wasn't that Yamcha and the turquoise haired girl were giants, it was that he was a three foot tall humanoid talking pig.

He was Oolong in the Dragon Ball manga.

"I was just trying to calm things down…" Yamcha said.

A monitor in the wall turned on, and everyone turned to see the black and white image of a short demon looking kid staring at them.

"Hey! Listen to me, Dammit! I am Emperor Pilaf!"

"So you're the one who stole our dragon balls!" Bulma yelled out angrily, and Carl noticed her hair had gone from turquoise to purple.

'Odd,' Carl thought as he considered his situation. For once in ten lifetimes he wasn't in an immediately deadly situation.

'Of course that's all relative,' Carl realized. 'While the manga was a bit of a gag/joke manga at first, there was plenty of death and danger everywhere. Even Goku transforming into hi Oozaru form could have killed the entire gang.'

"About those dragon balls, it seems like one is missing!" Emperor Pilaf glared at them.

"Hey, if we break that window, could we get out?" Goku asked Yamcha while pointing at the monitor.

"That's a television, you moron." Yamcha deadpanned, but Carl could see that Goku still didn't get it.

"It's not an actual window, Goku." Carl muttered.

"Oh."

"I know you have the ball with four stars on it!" Emperor Pilaf continued. "If you don't hand it over immediately, you're going to regret it!"

"Like we'd ever give that you! No way! Beee!" Carl snorted in laughter as Bulma put an index finger in each side of her mouth to stretch it out while sticking her tongue out at Pilaf.

'Yeah, I guess she really is a 16 year old…' Carl looked around the tightly sealed room, trying to spot anything that the gang might have missed that might be useful.

"Fiiine! If you absolutely refuse to give it up…" Pilaf's expression turned absolutely ruthless. "I'll just do something perverted to you until you do!"

A clanking sound brought Carl's attention to the roof, where a trap…ceiling(?) opened up and a mechanical arm reached down and grabbed Bulma and carried her up before anyone could react.

"H-hey! This is bad!" Yamcha said while staring at the ceiling.

"What does perverted mean?" Goku cluelessly asked.

Puar just squeaked, while Carl rubbed his chin. From what he remembered of the manga…

He got no further as memories began crashing through his mind. Nine years of Oolong's memories, of growing up as a perverted pig among a village of perverted shape-shifting pigs.

When the memories had finally run their course, he saw that practically no time had gone by as he was processing the nine years of Oolong's life, including his skills as a shape-shifter.

'At least now I've got a chance at that wish on the dragon balls,' Carl thought as he realized he could change his form anytime he wanted. 'Now why did I get Oolong's memories, but all those other lives I was dropped into I didn't? Did I actually last long enough here to gain the memories?'

He really had no clue. Carl's attention was brought back to the monitor as Bulma appeared in the room with Pilaf and his two lackeys.

"Wh-what do you think you're doing?!" Bulma yelled, grabbing the mechanical claw that was holding her off the floor by the waist. "Lemme go you damn thieves!"

"Fu fu fu…If you're going to confess, now's your chance!" Pilaf laughed, before turning serious. "Where's the last Dragonball?"

"Hah! Like I'd tell you!" Bulma flipped Pilaf off. Carl snirked at the girl's sass.

"I see…you really want to be humiliated, don't you…" Pilaf said in a low voice with his arms behind his back. Of course, the silly hat with a fuzzy ball on top didn't help his case any in appearing intimidating. "Then I guess I've got no choice."

Trepidation grew in Bulma's expression at the lewd face Pilaf was sending her way.

"R-resist him, Bulma! You can do it!" Yamcha yelled encouragingly.

Pilaf slowly raised his hand to his mouth, while wiggling like he was saving up power or something. He then thrust his face forward while making a kissing noise.

"…eh?" Bulma said, nonplussed that the "perverted" things Pilaf was going to do was blowing a kiss her way.

Carl noticed in the background that the dog-ninja minion was turned away, his face completely red. The normal teenage looking minion with a gun at her waist was clutching her red blushing cheeks in embarrassment.

'How does a dog blush?' Carl spent a moment to wonder, before shaking the thoughts away. It was a talking, sentient dog that stood on two legs, and was a ninja. Of course he could blush if he wanted to.

"H-how's that?!" Pilaf smugly smirked at Bulma. "I bet you really want to tell me now, don't you?!"

"…what was that?" Bulma asked, completely confused.

"I…I…I blew a kiss to you!" Pilaf yelled in embarrassment, his cheeks completely red with a perverted smile on his face.

"How perverted!" The female minion completely covered her face in embarrassment.

"Don't say it out loud!" The dog-ninja said, also covering his face.

"So what?" Bulma asked.

"Excellent job! She withstood it!" Yamcha cheered.

Carl looked up at him and saw that he was just as serious as Pilaf and his gang about how "dangerous" the "torture" technique was.

"That's all you go?" Bulma laughed mockingly. "I at least thought you'd strip me and try a hero-hero, or a puff-puff, or a kyoi-kyoi, or some inguri-monguri, or something!"

"Gah! What a lascivious woman!" Pilaf yelled in complete shock. "H-how were you able to list off so many perverted things so quickly!"

"She's a pervert!" The female minion and the dog minion were clutching each other in horror as they stared at Bulma in shock.

Pilaf pressed a button on the console, and the monitor shut off. A moment later the mechanical arm dropped Bulma back in the trap room with the rest of them.

"Way to go, Bulma." Carl laughed. "That's the way to turn their interrogation techniques back on them."

"Of course! I am a genius, after-"

Bulma's words were cut off as the room filled with smoke. Carl tried to hold his breath, but he got a big lungful and passed out with everyone else.

Bam!

Carl jerked awake at the noise.

Bam!

Looking over, he saw Yamcha smashing the wall uselessly. He got to his feet and stood nearby, watching the 16 year old bandit try once more.

"It's no good! The wall is way too hard to break through!" Yamcha declared in frustration.

Bam!

"Kicks don't work either." Goku growled.

"Oh no, we're screwed now! They probably already made the wish while we were sleeping!" Bulma lamented.

Carl looked over at Puar, who was looking stressed out while floating there. He wondered if Oolong hadn't stolen the teachers panties at the Shapeshifters school, would he have learned to fly without changing his shape like Puar did?

"Wait, that's it!" Yamcha exclaimed. "Goku! Use the kamehameha move Muten Roshi showed you!"

"Oh yeah!" Goku got settled into a stance, but then looked over at Yamcha with a confused look on his face. "But Yamcha, how do you know about that?"

"D-don't worry about that!" Yamcha yelled at Goku in embarrassment at his spying being found out. "We don't have much time, so hurry it up!"

"Okay!" Goku got a fierce look on his face while Carl, Bulma, Puar, and Yamcha backedup. "Here goes."

"Ka…"

Carl could feel something at the edge of his piggy senses gathering.

"Me…"

He hadn't ever felt the sense of energy before, not even in Oolong's memories when Muten Roshi powered up and destroyed Frying Pan Mountain with a Kamehameha.

"Ha…"

Looking at the Yamcha, Carl wondered if the older boy could sense that energy in the air.

"Me…"

Looking back at Goku, he was just in time to see a large white blast shoot out of Goku's hands.

"Haa!"

And explosion of dust shot up around where the ki blast hit the wall. Everyone was watching with baited breath as they waited for the dust to settle.

There was a six inch diameter hole in the wall. Not nearly large enough for anyone to fit through.

"It won't work." Goku cheerfully announced as he pointed at the hole he made with his ki blast. "I haven't gotten any training, so I can only make a tiny hole like this."

Yamcha shoved Goku to the side and looked through the hole.

"Ahh! They're outside!" Yamcha yelled. "We made it, though! They still haven't summoned the dragon!"

Carl leaned on Oolong's memories and shape shifted into a small bat.

"Puar! Turn into a bat and go through the hole!" Yamcha yelled while Carl was already flapping his wings and flying for the hole. "We still have a chance at stealing the dragon balls from them!"

"Yes sir!" Puar yelled as Carl was already squeezing through the hole.

Carl flapped for all he was worth, headed for Pilaf's group that had the dragon balls on the ground in front of them.

"Come out, dragon!" Pilaf yelled. "And make my wish come true!"

Carl gaped as he saw the dragon balls light up in a bright gold light. Shenron emerged from the balls that were floating off the ground, and charged up into the air, growing larger as more of his incredibly long body length came out.

Looking at the green scaled dragon with antlers and long whiskers off his snout, Carl found himself impressed. He didn't stop flying, though. He came to a hover just behind Pilaf and his two minions.

Shenron stared downwards with his solid red eyes, exuding a sense of majesty and strength.

Carl landed some distance behind Pilaf's group and changed back to his new pig's form.

COME, TELL ME YOUR WISH. I WILL GRANT ANY ONE WISH YOU HAVE.

Carl gulped at the echoing voice of Shenron, but got up his nerve.

"N-now for my wish…" Pilaf said in voice full of happiness.

"I wish for you to turn me into a Saiyan!" Carl shouted out. Pilaf's group turned to stare at him in shock, wondering where he came from.

Suddenly Carl fell to the ground in pain, as every bit of his body was being changed into a completely different species. His skin was bubbling, his bones felt like they were breaking and regrowing, breaking and regrowing; his insides and muscles felt like they were on fire!

Carl yelled out in immense pain as he writhed in the dirt for a minute that felt like an eternity. Finally, the pain receded and he was left on the ground, feeling exhausted.

YOUR WISH HAS BEEN GRANTED. FAREWELL.

Carl had just enough energy to see the dragon balls rise into the air and shoot off in all directions, scattering around the world.

"Capture them at once! Th-they're all getting the death penalty! I'm going to massacre them all!" Pilaf yelled, voice absolutely brimming with fury.

"Yes, sir!" Both of Pilaf's minions yelled. The female minion reached for her pistol, while the dog-ninja pulled his sword.

Carl sat up, and looked over at Puar while laboriously getting to his feet.

"…Oolong?" Puar asked in confusion because Carl no longer looked like the pig Oolong was. He was now a short black haired human looking kid with a monkey tail.

"You'd better run, Puar. Something tells me they aren't in a talking mood." Carl matched actions to his words as he dashed away as fast as he could, surprised that his energy was coming back so quickly. He was very careful not to look up in the sky, since he didn't want to see the full moon that he knew was going to rise soon.

Puar turned back into a bat and flew back to Yamcha and the rest of the gang, while Carl ran away from the group. Gunshot sounds came from behind him, and bullets were landing around him. In a moment of desperation, Carl used the shape-shifting abilities that he inherited from Oolong and turned back into a bat.

"Hahaha!" Carl laughed as he flew back to the group. He hadn't thought he would keep the shape-shifting abilities when he became a Saiyan.

Carl just landed in the room when the stone walls shifted and thick steel walls came out of the cracks, completely enclosing them once more. The roof changed to a reinforced glass, giving them a view of the night sky that he avoided looking at. He wasn't sure if the moon was up yet, but he would let Goku take one for the team and have his tail chopped off. He just got his and he wasn't willing to lose it so soon.

Turning back into his new Saiyan form, he was immediately met with weird stares from the group.

"…what?" Carl asked.

"You wished to transform into a regular person?" Bulma asked.

"Yeah." Carl decided to go with that. His new monkey tail was tucked around his waist, so he guessed they hadn't noticed it yet. He ruffled his new thick black hair that stuck up in all directions in satisfaction. "Goku was always talking about how hungry he was, and I didn't feel comfortable being a pig around him, always afraid he'd eat me."

"Granpa Gohan told me not to eat animals that can talk." Goku said. Carl looked at the people around him and they just kind of shrugged and accepted it.

"Oh. Well, at least this way Pilaf couldn't wish for world domination or whatever." Carl shrugged.

"That's not the important thing! We're still trapped here!" Yamcha shouted.

"Well, it kinda is." Carl muttered while comparing his nine year old height to Goku's twelve. He was several inches shorter than him. "If he had gotten world domination, we would still have been trapped at his mercy."

"We can't even bust out this time, it's solid steel." Yamcha complained while pounding on the wall.

"What are you talking about? The roof's wide open!" Goku announced.

"Not quite surprised…" Bulma said with her arms crossed as she looked upwards "That's super-reinforced glass."

Goku jumped anyway and smashed his head into the glass, falling back to the floor.

"Owwwww!" Goku complained, clutching his head.

"Told you so." Bulma said after squatting down and clutching her legs to her.

"Shit!" Yamcha cursed. "If we can't find a way to get out of here, forget gathering the dragon balls again. We'll die right here!"

"We wouldn't be able to collect them again for some time anyway." Bulma said.

Looking at her posture, Carl realized that Bulma was feeling somewhat hopeless at their situation. It really did look bleak if one didn't know that the full moon would soon rise and Goku would transform into a giant ape, breaking them out.

"What do you mean, Bulma?" Yamcha asked.

Carl sat next to Bulma while keeping his gaze off the roof.

"Once a wish has been make with the dragon balls, it take a year until they become usable again," Bulma explained. "In other words, they'll just appear as round stones for a whole year. There's no way we can search for them."

"Don't worry so much," Carl said in an attempt to comfort Bulma. "We'll get out of this okay, I'm sure of it."

"I don't expect a pig like you to understand! I'm still young and beautiful! I can't be trapped here in this hellhole and die!"

Carl put his pinky in his ear and twisted it back and forth. Girl's got a pair of lungs on her. He decided it was safer to edge away from her a bit. Despite his new appearance, apparently his image was solidified in her mind due to the original Oolong's perverted ways.

The speaker in the wall crackled to life as Pilaf cleared his throat.

"Hey, you guys! Nice job ruining my plans for world domination back there! I'm giving you all the death penalty now! Fu fu fu...But don't worry, I'm not one for savage behavior. I'm going to kill you off nice and smoothly!

"You realized the ceiling above you is made out of glass, right? Around these parts the sun is super hot at noontime. So being in that room is just like being in an open toaster! Dry up and die, all of you!"

Pilaf straight up villain laughed for a good while.

"I'm so excited for tomorrow!"

"Damn. Guy can't torture worth a damn, thinks a kiss is "perverted", but when it comes to executions, he does not hold back." Carl muttered.

"Got that right, piggy." Bulma muttered back.

"Call me Carl from now on," Carl said. "It's my first name. Oolong is my middle name."

Carl completely ignored Puar's muttered "no it isn't…"

"Whatever, pig." Bulma stubbornly kept calling him a pig as she jumped to her feet and began freaking out about the way they were going to die.

Carl just shrugged and sat back, closing his eyes and ignoring the freak outs from the other people in the room with him. Yamcha pounded on the wall. Goku tried another Kamehameha. Bulma yelled and screeched. None of it helped them escape. Eventually they all sat down on different sides of the room.

Puar was the only one not sitting on the ground with them. Instead she was floating up at the top of the room, staring out of the glass.

"What you looking at up there, Puar?" Carl asked.

"Looking at Mr. Moon, Oolong."

"I said to call me Carl from now on."

"Whatever, Oolong." Puar said, causing Carl to shake his head. After Oolong and her past history, it wasn't a surprise that she would take every opportunity to annoy him. "It's a full moon tonight and I just wanted to look at something pretty before I die…"

"A full moon?" Goku looked around at them. "When there's a full moon out at night, a really scary monster comes out!"

"You're kidding…" Bulma laughed at Goku. "You mean the wolf-man? If you have time to sit around thinking up dumb stuff like that, think of a way to get us out of here!"

"It's not a lie!" Goku said angrily. "My grandpa was squashed flat by its foot and died!"

Carl remained in his corner with his eyes closed. It would be horrible to have two Oozaru apes rampaging. Best to keep his eyes shut. Maybe he should transform into a bat again and keep his eyes closed while using echolocation to escape once Goku transformed?

"What!? Son Gohan, a martial arts master was…? That monster must really be something!" Yamcha exclaimed.

"Yeah! It destroyed our house, trees, everything!" Goku exclaimed.

"What kind of monster was it, Goku?" Puar asked.

"I was asleep, so I didn't see it." Goku replied.

"Your house was destroyed by a rampaging monster, and you slept through it?" Bulma incredulously asked.

"I always slept really deeply on the night of the full moon," Goku explained, "because grandpa always used to tell me 'Never look at the moon when it's full.'"

Yamcha and Bulma, sitting on either side of Goku, suddenly got startled looks on their faces as Goku continued rambling.

"I don't think it has anything to do with me looking at the moon, though. I wonder if monsters come out when the moon is full around here too. What's wrong?" Goku suddenly noticed the group was huddled on the other side of the room from him.

"Do you mind if I ask…" Bulma said with a shaky tone of voice. "The night your grandpa was killed…did you look at the full moon?"

"Yeah!" Goku nodded. "I went out to pee and accidentally looked at it."

Carl, in his corner away from the group with his eyes closed, smirked a bit at the realization Yamcha and Bulma were going through. They had a short debate about whether or not to have Goku look at the moon to test it and see if he could break them out, but decided it was too dangerous.

It was just too bad, too comical, really, that when Bulma tried to tell Goku not to look at the moon, it was what exact action that caused the little Saiyan to turn around and look at the full moon.

Cracking an eye open while keeping his gaze lowered, Carl saw Goku standing there entranced, staring up in the sky.

'It's happening,' Carl thought with anticipation.

A loud growling sound came from Goku, as if he was filled with endless rage. He began growing more feral looking, his incisors lengthening and his body growing, destroying his gi.

Meanwhile Bulma, Yamcha, and Puar were screaming in fear.

"You might want to keep quiet!" Carl yelled at them. "When he's done transforming, it's best not to bring his attention to you by being noisy!"

"How can you sit there so calm, Oolong?!" Yamcha yelled.

"I'll tell you if you promise to start calling me Carl from now on!" He yelled back. "None of this Oolong, or pig boy, or anything else!

Goku continued growing larger, pressing up against the super reinforced glass and yelled with anger.

"Fine! You're Carl! Now what do you know that makes you so calm?" Bulma yelled.

Carl didn't really believe that she wouldn't revert to calling him pig boy again, but whatever.

"I'm calm because I'm waiting for Goku to smash us out of here, and then I'm taking the opportunity to run!"

A moment later Goku grew large enough to smash apart the ceiling. The glass, stone, and metal went flying away from him while saving them as well where they huddled down below him.

Carl had to admit that staying calm in the face of the furiously boiling sense of power right next to him had been incredibly hard. It was really only his memories of dying so many times that helped him. He figured even if he died in this body, he would once more be on his quick transmigration trip. Really, really quick transmigration.

Luckily Goku in his Oozaru form climbed out of the building, completely ignoring them, and began smashing the palace apart. Yamcha grabbed Bulma in his arms and dashed off away from Goku, the walls and path to freedom having been completely broken open for them. Puar flew along with them, while Carl turned into a bat and followed them with his eyes shut.

He had no idea if his transformed state would protect him from transformation. It would be something to test in the future. But he knew he had a limited time to keep transformed, so he wouldn't be able to stay in a different form anyway.

While they were running away, Carl couldn't see it but Goku threw a big piece of stone tower after Pilaf and his crew who were trying to escape in a flying plane. The plane crashed but the stone landed and trapped Bulma underneath the tower, luckily not killing her.

Goku came running after them, tearing up the landscape as he did.

"Yamcha! Wasn't Goku's weak point his tail!?" Puar yelled.

"That's right! Let's see if it still works even after his transformation!"

Just as Goku was almost to their position, Yamcha flanked him and grabbed onto Goku's tail as hard as he could. The great ape, paused, feeling woozy and weak.

"Now, Puar!"

Puar turned into a pair of scissors and chopped off Goku's tail, causing him to immediately began reverting into a kid once more.

Carl landed, and turned back into his Saiyan form. Keeping his eyes down, he helped Yamcha and Puar get Bulma out from underneath the stones trapping her, then settled down like everyone else for the morning.

He felt a sense of satisfaction and happiness. Even though he had to experience nine deaths in a row, he finally landed in one where he wouldn't die right away. He even got to make a wish on the dragon balls, and now he was a Saiyan. Training was bound to be difficult, but he could only move forward in this new world and new life.

His painful deaths convinced him that he really wanted to live. And in this world, he would have to get strong.

Eventually the rest of the group falls asleep. Carl felt mentally exhausted after his crazy trip of death and rebirth. But there was too much on his mind so he sat and tried to get in touch with his ki. Everyone should have it, since it was basically life force.

He wondered what his current power level was. One? Two?

Carl knew that Goku was born with a power level of 5, which was the same as the farmer with a shotgun that Radditz encountered when he came to Earth. He knew he had a fair ways to go before he managed to have any ki reserves.

Eventually the sun came up, lightening the sky. Carl finally relaxed, certain that he wouldn't turn into a great ape anymore. At least not this month.

"What a crazy night." Yamcha muttered.

"You can say that again." Carl got up and stretched. He was in a nine year old body, which was loads better than the pig body he had been in before. It felt great!

Bulma yawned and stretched once she woke up to the sound of their voices. After they were all more or less awake, they had to wait for Goku to wake up too before they left.

"Now that we've cut off his tail, I don't think he'll be able to transform again." Yamcha muttered.

"That's probably for the best." Bulma agreed. "I don't think we should tell him that he was the one that squashed his grandmpa…"

Goku chose that moment to wake up. He had a huge yawn and stretch, completely showing off his junk once he jumped to his feet and the piece of cloth they put over him falling down.

"Why am I naked? Where are my clothes?"

"Don't remember anything?" Yamcha asked Goku.

"Oolong, give him your pants." Bulma said at the same time.

"…fine," Carl said after a moment of thought. "But only if you call me Carl from now on." He still had a pair of boxers on under his pants, so he would be fine until he could get something better. All the money that Oolong stole was gone, used up to buy a luxurious life for the girls he kidnapped from the village.

"Fine. Carl, give Goku your pants." Bulma said through gritted teeth.

Carl mentally shrugged while taking off his pants and handing them over to Goku, leaving him in just a pair of boxers and white t-shirt. He would remind Bulma and the others to call him Carl from now on until they remembered and it stuck.

"Here, Goku." Carl handed over the pants. The little kid looked pretty amusing in them, looking like he wore shorts with suspenders.

"Your legs are really short." Goku said.

"Yeah, well, I'm only nine. I've got room to grow." Carl shrugged.

"You're only nine!?" Bulma and Yamcha exclaimed.

"Yeah." Carl nodded while looking at Yamcha funny. "What? You do know that me and Puar are the same age, right? How can you not have known that?"

"I'm sorry, Yamcha-sama, for never telling you. I just didn't want you to chase me away for being too young…" Puar looked like a kicked…well, not puppy. But a sad kitten.

"It's fine, Puar. I'm sorry that I never knew. You're been a good friend, of course I wouldn't chase you away for being too young."

Carl looked over at Goku who was falling down, cause of his lack of tail. It was amusing so he watched the scene. The only reason that Carl had been fine after gaining a tail was because he had inherited Oolong's experience with shape-shifting, so it had been almost nature to adjust for the tail's counterbalance.

"Your balance must have changed since you lost your tail, Goku." Yamcha explained to Goku while watching him with his arms crossed.

"Ahh! My tail! It's gone!" Goku yelled, so panicked sounding that the whole group looked on in concern. "Oh well." Goku finished in a nonchalant tone of voice, causing the group to nearly face fault.

Goku asked about his Nyoi-bo, the extendable staff that he got from his grandfather, and went running over to search the wreckage of the castle for it.

Meanwhile Bulma and Yamcha were discovering what their respective wishes would have been, namely for a boyfriend and to not be afraid of girls. By this time Yamcha had apparently interacted with Bulma enough that his fear of girls no longer debilitated him, so they decided to date each other.

'Man, even if I was old enough physically to date Bulma right now, I think I'd probably wait until she's no longer a teenager,' Carl thought as he watched Bulma and Yamcha doing a weird dance/flirt thing with each other and acting way too lovey dovey.

'But in this new life, she is one of the best prospective women. Smart, genius smart in fact. Adventurous. And hot. Maybe when I've grown up and she's had time to forget that I used to be the perverted pig Oolong, I can get there long before she and Vegeta become a thing.'

"What's wrong, Oolong?" Goku asked.

"It's Carl, now. Remember, my name is Carl."

"Right, right. What's wrong, Carl?" Goku asked.

"Look over there?" Carl pointed at Yamcha and Bulma.

"They're so weird…" Goku said in confusion.

"Yeah…" Carl agreed. It took the fresh new couple nearly ten minutes to notice that Goku was back.

"Hey, Goku! We're going back to the city together. Wanna come with us? You're so cute you'll be popular with the girls!"

Carl snirked, amused that the honeymoon couple wanted to spread the happiness and joy around.

"Nah. I'm gonna go to Roshi's house and train and get stronger!" Goku announced.

"Oh, well, that's a shame. What about you, Oolong?"

"It's Carl now."

"Yeah, yeah. What about you, Carl?" Bulma rolled her eyes at Carl.

"Yeah, that sounds good. Thanks for the invite, Bulma."

"Hey! Once a year is up, let's go look for the dragon balls again!" Goku said.

"Pfft! We don't need the dragon balls anymore!" Bulma announced with almost unbearable joy.

"Riiiiight?" Both Bulma and Yamcha cooed at each other and did their flirting/dance thing again.

"Okay. Then how should I find Grandpa's ball?" Goku asked.

"It's fine. I'll give you the dragon radar, and once a year has passed, you can go search for it." Bulma said while giving Goku the dragon radar.

"Thanks!" Goku cheerfully said.

"Alright, let's go!" Yamcha pulled out a capsule and with a big poof of cloud, an airplane appeared.

Carl's smile grew big at the sight of a capsule working. Sure he had Oolong's memories, but seeing it in person was just awesome.

"Work hard and surpass Muten Roshi, Goku!" Yamcha said while shaking Goku's hand.

"Yeah!"

"We'll all come together and see you again someday!" Bulma said.

"See you around, Goku." Carl said.

"Bye, Goku! Have fun training." Puar said in her high pitched voice.

Carl piled into the aircraft with the others. He was pretty certain that at least Bulma felt a great deal closer to all of them after this adventure. Even if she didn't particularly like Oolong, or have much respect for him, they had been on a crazy adventure together. It really was one way of making friends. He doubted she would have invited him to come back with her otherwise.

Goku called his flying nimbus cloud and the two separate parties flew their own way.

After Goku flew off, Carl continued looking out the window at the ground passing them by. He was in a very alternate version of Earth. He had no idea if a wish on the dragon balls could return him to his original home. He very much doubted it. If Shenron didn't even have enough power to kill Vegeta, then chances are it wouldn't be able to transfer him to some unknown dimension.

But if he continued gathering power and getting stronger, he might be able to do it himself one day.