Naomi

The bike wobbled, and Mia wobbled with it. Daryl caught the handles before she could fall. Even through the grubby distortion of Sanctuary's windows, I could see how much they were smiling. Occasionally, a squeal from Mia or a laugh from Daryl was loud enough to pass through the glass and reach me. I swallowed down a lump in my throat.

God, he'd be such a good Dad.

I'd never known mine, but I knew enough to be sure of that. Bryce stepped up beside me to see what I was looking at, "You don't want to go out and join them?"

"No," I shook my head. I was barely holding it together now; I knew if I stepped outside to be with them, I'd start bawling. I cleared my throat. "It's kinda nice that this is something for just the two of them, y'know?"

"Look at you," he nudged me with his elbow. "All happy families."

"Yeah," I looked over at him, feeling my cheeks heating up. "Guess I am, huh?"

"Never thought I'd see the day," he said, beaming at me like a proud parent. My heart sank at the fragility of it.

"Honestly? Me neither."

And it's not going to last.

It was a suffocating thought that had been chasing me for days. It felt like the beginning of the end of something great, something perfect, something I'd never be able to say goodbye to. I turned away from the window and made an excuse to leave, some bullshit about asking Eugene something to do with our generators. I'd already asked him, and he'd already given me an incomprehensible answer I'd half-listened to. Right then, I just need some space to breathe. I was still so distracted. The initial relief I'd felt when that second line hadn't appeared on the test had been so short-lived. Now it was over, now we had an answer; I felt a little… empty.

He's going to leave me over this.

The certainty of it washed over me. Alone in the stairwell where Sherry and Dwight used to smoke together secretly, I sank onto one of the steps. I felt the preemptive tearing at my heart. I couldn't blame him for it, but, fuck, it was going to hurt. My eyes stung. I closed them, felt the tests hot on my cheeks, and tried to delude myself into believing that coming to terms with it now would mean I wouldn't fall apart when the time came.

I'd heard him when he'd said Mia and I were enough for him. Daryl wasn't a lair; he believed what he said when he said it. But there had been genuine heartbreak in his eyes when that test came back negative. I hated myself for putting it there, and I knew there was no way something that big would just disappear. The part of him that had been hoping for a different outcome had to be there still. It would stay there in the back of his mind and grow to resent me for it—just a little at first, but enough to slowly erode everything we'd built.

If I knew for sure I didn't want children, I could tell him that. Rip off the bandaid.

Having a kid to make someone else happy was a dumb idea; I knew that. But the thought of Daryl as a Dad filled me with nothing but absolute joy. That wasn't a good enough reason to bring a life into a world as fucked up as this one; it wouldn't balance out my abject terror about the whole thing and wouldn't do anything to stop me from being a crappy Mom.

I put a hand across my stomach and whispered, "I'm so sorry." I don't know who it was meant for - Daryl? Myself? Some kid who'd never existed in the first place?

The door to the outside opened. Light filled the stairwell so suddenly that it made me flinch. I turned away and wiped my eyes, standing up so that it might appear to whoever was coming in that I was on my way down to do something important, not that I'd been having a quiet crisis on the stairs.

Mia stood in front of me, her bike helmet dangling from one arm and backpack straps hugging her shoulders. Her smile faded when she saw my face, replaced by a concerned frown. "Are you okay?"

She let the door swing shut behind her. I nodded, forcing a smile, although I could still feel hastily wiped tear tracks drying on my cheeks. "It's nothing, Mia. I'm fine. Just…. Lots going on around here, y'know? The stress just got to me for a moment."

"Yeah," she said hesitantly, not quite believing me but unsure what to say. She'd never seen me like this. I'd always been good at keeping a lid on my emotions when she was around.

I tried to change the subject, "How was the bike lesson?"

"Good," she said. "Daryl says I'll be a pro by Christmas."

"I'm sure you will," I forced a smile, expecting Mia to run off to wherever she'd been headed when she came back in here, but she didn't. She lingered in the stairwell, looking worried. I sighed, "You know he'd still…be there for you even if he and I weren't…"

Mia looked at me in horror.

"Oh my God. Did you say no?" she said, a touch of anger creeping into the frown on her face. "That's what you're upset about. You said no? Naomi, that's so stupid! Daryl is perfect for you, and he's -"

She stopped talking and closed her mouth as she caught the confusion on my face. I stared at her, baffled. "Say no to what?"

Mia stared back, shrinking away from me a little. "Um…" The silence hung in the air. Mia looked deeply uncomfortable. With a sickening jolt, I panicked that she somehow knew.

"Did Daryl tell you he wanted us to have a baby?" My anger flared up so fast at the thought of Daryl letting our almost-secret slip to Mia that I didn't realize what I'd said myself until her face lit up.

"A BABY?" Mia squealed. "OhmyGod. You're pregnant?"

"No, no, no," I said quickly. Mia's face fell in a way that made my heart clench. Another person I'd managed to disappoint. "No. We thought maybe I might be, but… no."

"Oh. That sucks, I always wanted a younger si-" she stopped. Had she been about to say sister? Sibling? Her cheeks flushed a little, "I'd be a kick-ass Auntie, don't you think?"

"Yeah, you would be," I cleared my throat, really fighting against tears that I'd only just managed to stop. "You always wanted a… bigger family?"

"Well… yeah," Mia said. "I mean, I liked it when it was just the two of us, but I always wanted you to have… more."

"You were more than enough family for me, Mia," I said.

"I didn't mean it like that," she said. "But we had so much fun. It would've been cool to share it."

"You had fun? Living with me?"

"Yeah. You're a great…" she hesitated, "big sister. I always wanted to be like that for someone. Teach them things, play the games we used to play when I was little, make sure they're safe and happy."

You felt safe with me? Happy?

I so badly wanted to ask her. I wanted some kind of insight into how it had been for her—really—having just me around as her guardian when most of her friends had at least one biological parent in the picture. But it was too much to put on someone so young, and honestly, I don't think I was ready for the answer. So, instead, I said, "That's really sweet, Mia."

"I guess I thought when you had any actual kids, I'd get to babysit, like, all the time," she said. "And do all the things we used to do. I mean, pretty soon, I'll be able to teach them to ride a bike like Daryl's teaching me."

"That sounds nice."

"No wonder you're sad," she put an arm around my shoulders and leaned into my side. It reminded me so much of when she was little that I almost started crying again. "But it's okay, right? It's not like you only get one chance."

"Right," I said like I agreed with her. I couldn't tell her the truth. Firstly, it's way too much to share with your kid sister. But more importantly, I didn't want her to think that just because I didn't know if I wanted to be a Mom meant I had any regrets about taking her in.

"Daryl is not going to break up with you over this," Mia said.

"I know," I sounded confident, but my heart sank.

"Then quit talking like he's about to," she said. "I know that if anything bad happened with you and Daryl, he'd still want to be in my life. You've both told me that a thousand times. But I also know it's not going to. You're obsessed with each other."

Mia rolled her eyes, but she smiled at the same time. It was embarrassingly accurate. I wished I had her faith, but she didn't have my context. And she never would; I'd already said too much.

"So… if Daryl didn't tell you about…" I couldn't bring myself to repeat it. "What did you think I'd said no to?"

"Oh… uh," a flicker of panic crossed her face. She did her best to smooth it over. "Well, I thought maybe when we go to D.C.-"

"If we go to D.C.," I corrected her.

"Right. Yeah. Sure," she said. "Well, I thought it would be cool if we showed Daryl all the places we used to go, where we used to live, and stuff like that."

I frowned. "It ain't a tourist trip, Mia."

"Yeah, I know," she said. She looked a little deflated but nowhere near the anger she'd had when she'd been on the brink of yelling at me before. Maybe the truth of what Daryl and I were going through had thrown her strop into perspective. She looked up at me, "Can I show you something?"

"Of course," I said, trying to keep my tone as neutral as possible. The last time Mia had been secretive about something, it turned out that she had been leaving out rations for a deposed despot.

"I drew something," she said, pulling her sketchbook out of her backpack. I sat up straight; she was usually so private about her artwork. I was prepared to be as encouraging as possible; I was not prepared for what she was about to show me.

The pages of her sketchbook fluttered as she flipped through it, and then my breath caught in my throat. It was the three of us - me, her, and Daryl - gathered around a board game like we had been when we'd got stuck away from Sanctuary. The memory of that moment, how happy we'd all been, now immortalized forever, hit me like a freight train. I reached out to touch it. I couldn't help it. I couldn't believe she'd done something like this. The time and love that she'd poured into it was evident from every pencil stroke. I couldn't believe it was so heartfelt and genuine and real.

"Mia…" I heard my voice crack. "It's beautiful, sweetie. It's perfect…"

I didn't have the words to sum it up; they completely failed me. A shy but pleased smile crept onto Mia's face. "You guys were so upset when Negan destroyed that photo of us… I know it's not the same, but…"

"It's better. It's way better."

"I thought maybe I could give it to Daryl… y'know, to as a thank you for showing me how to ride a bike. But… I dunno if it's good enough."

"He'd love it," I said. I couldn't look at it for too long without tearing up again. My heart was aching at the thought of him seeing it.

"Really?"

"You have no idea."

"Okay," she nodded and closed her sketchbook. "If you're sure…?"

I hugged her. "He's gonna love it, Mia."

She nodded, hugging me back before we both stood up. There was a spring in her step as she skipped up the stairs in front of me. I was still reeling from her drawing, but I'd hidden out long enough. Mia skipped off to her room, and I returned to the office room where I'd left Bryce. It had almost accidentally become our meeting and planning place. Now, we naturally gravitated there whenever there was work to do.

Amber's Mom, Donna, was waiting at the door. It was unusual to see her up here. I smiled at her, "Are you alright, Mrs Watson?"

"My daughter," she said, the worry in her eyes telling me everything before she could say more. "Have you seen Amber? I don't think she and Mark came home last night."

My blood ran cold. I tried not to let the panic show on my face, wanting to keep Donna calm. Another missing couple in the space of a few days?

"Alright," I said as calmly as I could, taking a beat to calm myself before I tried to reassure her. "Okay. We can get some people out looking for them right now. Do you know where they were going?"

"Just for a walk," she said, her eyes wide and panicked. Her words tumbled out of her like the faster she spoke, the sooner her daughter would be home. "Amber was feeling unwell and wanted some fresh air. She wanted to go for a walk, and I begged her not to because it was close to getting dark, but Mark promised he'd go with her, and…"

She couldn't go on. I nodded, still trying to sound as calm as I could, but there was a deep unease in my gut. I put a hand on her arm, "Did they take anything with them? Any supplies? A radio? Anything to suggest they'd be gone for longer than a quick walk?"

"Um..n-no… I don't… I don't think so…" Donna stammered, her hands shaking. "I.. I don't remember… I'm sorry, I don't…"

"Hey, that's okay. We'll go out looking right now," I said. "Gather as many people as you can by the front door. I'll do the same. We'll get a search party together, alright? In the meantime, let us know if you remember anything, no matter how small."

"Yes, yes, I will," she nodded, already moving away to get people to help.

"Front door. Ten minutes," I called after her before pushing the door to the office room open.

Bryce and Daryl were already in there, whispering about something. If I hadn't been so distracted, I might have noticed how weird that was and how quickly they shut up when I came in. As it was, I was too caught up in telling them about Amber and Mark to pay it much thought.

"You think they could have run off to join Negan?" Bryce asked. This had been our leading theory on what had happened to our other missing couple—until now.

"Not Amber. She wouldn't."

"Amber and Mark had it bad under Negan," Daryl nodded in agreement. "No way they'd join him."

Also, she's pregnant.

I didn't say that. Not in front of Daryl. It all still felt too fresh. Neither of us had brought the topic up since it had happened. I was worried that the next time it came up would be the last, and he'd tell me he was leaving me for someone who could give him everything he wanted. So, instead, I said, "She wouldn't have left her Mom."

Bryce's nod was the final step in all of us accepting the gravity of the situation.

"It could be Negan," Daryl said. I looked at him, and he gave me a half-apologetic shrug. "He tried taking hostages before…"

I couldn't argue with it, especially not in front of two people who'd been one of Negan's previous hostages. Was he already walking back on our deal? Or, had some of our own wandered into his territory by mistake, and he'd kept his promise to shoot them dead on sight?

This time, I went out looking with the team Daryl put together to scour the woods. A large group of us used every moment of daylight to scour the land around Sanctuary. The search felt impossible before we'd even begun. The woods were unkempt and wild. Walkers roamed out there, disturbing anything that might otherwise have been valuable evidence.

I walked the borderlands between our territory and Negan's. If he'd killed them, I expected he'd make a show of it—tie their walkers up along the edge of his land like he used to do along Sanctuary's fence, stick their heads on spikes—something as dramatic as it was disturbing. But there was nothing there except the unsettling feeling I was being watched.

I glared at the silent woods until Daryl pulled me away.

It was getting dark. It was time to head in. Donna was distraught, and now the whole of Sanctuary was on edge. I gathered everyone in the cafeteria and reminded them of the boundaries between our land and Negan's. When I'd first announced it, there had been those who had brushed it off. But now that people were going missing, I didn't see a single eye roll in the crowd.

It weighed on all of us, but Daryl took it hard. The first search had been for a young couple with few connections here, who might have reasonably skipped out on us. But Amber and Mark? Something was wrong. If they didn't turn up in the next few days, they were most likely dead. Neither of us said it, but the whole of Sanctuary was thinking the same thing. An inevitable kind of pre-grief weighed down on everyone, a depressing reminder of how unsafe it was outside of these walls. If you weren't careful, a simple walk could end it all without a trace.

We got some leftover scraps from the cafeteria and ate them in our office room. Mia had already eaten but joined us when we returned from the search. I knew from how tense her shoulders were what was about to happen. I braced myself, wondering if I should have warned Daryl ahead of time. At least his mood was about to improve. Even as he saw her coming, I watched him squash down his worries so he didn't pass them on to her. Mia fidgeted nervously for a moment before she said, "Daryl?"

He looked up from his dinner, "Yeah?"

"I got you something." Mia held out a piece of paper. None of the edges were torn. She'd carefully cut the picture out of her sketchbook to keep it as neat as possible. I watched Daryl's slightly confused frown as he took it from her. Then I watched it soften and melt as he took in what he was looking at. His eyes brightened, jaw clenched as he fought not to cry in front of her. Mia watched him, too, with nerves so strong I could almost see them buzzing around her.

"Look at that," he said softly, covering his mouth for a second. We both looked down at Mia's family portrait. Daryl looked up at me to check I was seeing it, too. I could only nod as he pointed at it with a slightly shaking finger. "That's better than a damn photograph."

"You don't have to, like, hang it on the fridge or anything," Mia mumbled, as embarrassed as she was pleased. "I just wanted to say thank you."

Daryl tore his eyes away from her picture to look at her. "What the hell for?"

"For the bike stuff," she shrugged. "And y'know, just being a good… being here."

The semblance of composure Daryl was holding onto broke completely. When he spoke, his voice was thick with emotion, "You ain't gotta thank me for that."

Daryl pulled Mia in for a hug, and my heart suddenly felt too big for my chest. The way they loved each other, independent of me, was more than I could have dreamed of—for both me and Mia. I'd always worried about her getting attached to someone, and I never thought I'd be with someone I'd be able to trust fully with her. But Daryl would never hurt her, never leave her, never do anything but lift her up and protect her like I did.

When it ends, this will break me.

I'd savor it for as long as I could, make the most of every moment like this. I'd never felt so loved and so sure that someone was going to leave. Daryl deserved someone who could give him what he wanted, someone who was as sure as he was and would be as good at parenting as he would be. One day, he'd realize that.

Mia pulled away and made an excuse to go back to her room. It was as much emotion as one teenager could handle.

Daryl stared at the picture for a long time after she was gone, so caught up in it, I didn't want to disturb him. It felt too personal even for me to intrude on. I stayed, frozen where I was, until eventually, he looked up at me, "You tell her to do this?"

His eyes were still bright. I shook my head. "Nope. She did it all by herself."

He pursed his lips to prevent his bottom lip from trembling. One hand still held Mia's picture, the other resting on my hip as his arm slipped around me. "She's a helluva kid," he said.

"I know." I leaned into him.

An hour later, Mia's sketch was nailed to the wall of our bedroom, hanging in a Daryl-made frame.

Daryl

My heart stuttered with nerves as the engine shut off. Naomi looked over at me from the passenger seat, a curious little frown on her face. I could barely meet her gaze, and when I did, I felt my cheeks heating up.

God, she's so damn pretty.

"Why'd you stop here?" she asked.

"Nice place, ain't it?" I shrugged. She looked back out of the car windshield at the lake in front of us.

"Yeah, it's beautiful," she said. "But I thought you wanted to test the fuel?"

"Yeah…" I popped open the door and slipped out. "I might've lied about that."

"What?" Her face lit up with this mix of nervous anticipation and excitement. I grinned back at her and shut the door. Seconds later, she was scrambling out of the passenger side, and I was trying not to laugh at how fast her own nosiness made her haul ass outta there. "What?"

"Fuel works fine," I said with a shrug like it didn't matter, but I couldn't stop myself from smiling at the way she marched around the front of the truck. "Known that for a couple of days now."

"Then what are we doing?"

"You're getting in there," I nodded at the lake. She looked at it and then looked back at me like I'd made some kinda mistake.

"Where?"

"The lake." I nodded to it again.

"No."

"Yes."

"I'm not getting in there," she said, her cheeks flushed a little. "I can't swim, remember?"

"What do you think we're doing here, sweetheart?" I said. "You're gonna learn."

"No way," she said, taking a big step back, her eyes widening. Her previously flushed face paled. I thought she might resist a little, but I was surprised by her flat-out refusal.

"You gotta learn."

"Why?"

"It's a life skill, Naomi! What if you fall in the ocean?"

"Fall in the ocean?" she repeated. "From where?"

"I dunno. A boat?"

"What the hell am I doing on a boat?"

I sighed. "Does it matter?"

Naomi looked at the lake in front of us like it was about to rise up and swallow her whole. "I'll just stay on land, thank you. Instead of getting on a boat for no reason."

"Didn't say it was no reason. Maybe you got a good reason."

"Like what?"

"To go someplace." I shrugged.

"Where?"

"I dunno. An island, maybe."

"You taking me to the Bahamas?" she asked with one of her heart-meltingly cheeky grins.

I'll take you anywhere you want, sweetheart.

I tried not to let it affect me, but I had to look away from her. "Quit messing. What if a boat comes to take us someplace without Walkers? Somewhere that somehow ain't been touched by all this. You ain't gonna get on that boat?"

"No," she conceded. "I'd get on the boat. I'd just stay away from the edges."

"What if it sinks?"

"They don't have life jackets on your boat?"

"You need more than that, Nai."

"Do I? Ain't that the point of them? To keep me alive until a different boat comes along?"

"What if there ain't another boat?" I said. "Or what if they ain't got enough life jackets for everyone, like on the Titanic?"

Naomi paused for a second. "If I was on a boat that sank about a century ago? Yeah, that would be a problem."

"I didn't say on the Titanic, I said like the Titanic, smartass."

"Well, in that very specific scenario, I guess I'd drown."

Not an option.

"Get in the damn water." I pointed to it.

"No."

"Don't make me throw you in there like Merle did with me."

"You wouldn't dare," she narrowed her eyes at me, but I could tell she wanted to back away from me just in case.

"Try me."

She tried to reason with me. "Daryl, it's November."

"So?"

"So it's cold!"

"You can't deal with a little cold water?"

"Er, that is a lot of cold water," she gestured to the lake in its entirety. "What if there's Walkers in there? Sometimes they get waterlogged and sink."

"There ain't," I felt a flash of triumph. She had no idea how prepared I was for this day. "I came here earlier and made sure of that."

I could almost see her inwardly cursing. Then, it was her turn to look a little triumphant. "I don't have any swimming stuff."

"You too good to swim in your underwear, Princess?"

"There are easier ways to get me naked, Daryl," she raised an eyebrow. "You truly don't have to work so hard."

"Shut it. Get them clothes off and get in the damn lake," I said. "We ain't got all day."

"Why? What else you got planned?"

Shit.

"Quit stalling," I said. "I packed you some dry clothes in the car."

"You did?" she glanced through the car windows.

"Yup. They're in the trunk. So, no excuses."

Naomi sighed, a big one, and I knew I had her. She looked at me as she undressed like she was expecting me to say 'sike' any second. I took off my jacket, checking the pockets a few dozen times before I folded it up real careful and laid it on the backseat of the car. I stripped down to my boxers, chucking the rest of my clothes on top of my jacket. Naomi's clothes made a neat little pile on the passenger seat.

When I was done, I looked up and found her waiting for me. I'd thought of a lot, but do you know what I hadn't thought about? How difficult it would be to keep things on track when she was half-naked in front of me. The little scowl on her face didn't even change how much seeing her made my heart race. It was kinda cute, actually.

I tried not to stare. I mean, I guess it's okay to stare a little bit when it's your girlfriend, but still…I couldn't afford to let my mind wander. Naomi was already stalling getting in the water. If I gave her any hint there was a way she could distract me from this whole thing, I knew she'd take it and run. Thankfully, she was too preoccupied to notice my wandering eye.

"If I drown today, I'll haunt you forever," she grumbled. "Nothing you own will ever be dry again."

"Oh yeah? How you gonna pull that one off?"

"With my ghost powers."

"Ghost powers? What kinda -" I stopped, realizing her game. I held up a hand in an attempt to shut her up - a physical barrier to stop me from getting sucked into some of the shit she was talking to put off doing this. "No. Stop it. Get in the lake."

Naomi didn't push it. She folded her arms. She shook a little, and I didn't think it was from the cold. "You sure it's okay for us to get in there?"

I felt my resolve softening immediately. Under all her bullshit and nonsense, she was a little scared of the water. I reached out for her, my hand running down the smooth, soft skin on her arms. "Naomi, baby. I ain't gonna let you drown. You trust me, don't ya?"

"Yes," she said, a little reluctantly.

"Then come on," I stood in front of her, took both hands, and started walking backward into the water. Naomi followed, letting me tug her along, her eyes betraying her nerves. She fixed them on me, letting out a small whimper when the water hit her ankles. She was right, it was fucking cold, but I tried not to let it show as we waded in. I couldn't suppress a grimace as the cold water hit my groin, but it soon passed. I led us a little deeper and stopped.

"Okay, see, you can stand here," I said, still holding both of her hands. "That ain't so bad, right?"

"I guess…" she shivered a little, looking at me with that lost little girl look that made my heart clench. "What now?"

"Lie back, take your feet off the ground."

"No."

"You'll float."

"What if I don't?"

"You'll float," I repeated. "Everyone floats."

"That's what that fucking clown said in It, and most of them wound up dead."

"Trust me, just lie back," I said, refusing to be drawn into another one of her pointless arguments. I moved around her and put my hands on her back. "My hands are right here, okay? I got you."

"You won't let me go?" She looked worried, but she was already leaning back against my hands. Something tugged at my heart. It wasn't often I got to teach her something. Last time we'd probably been kids, I'd shown her how to hunt so she didn't have to steal food anymore. She'd always been ahead of me at most things, smarter than me. I liked it when she needed me.

"No, angel, I'm gonna make sure you're okay. I promise," I said. I'd planned out the steps of teaching her this, but I'd somehow neglected to think about how it would feel to have her leaning on me like this. To have her trust me like this. She was so damn tense. I moved closer to her, my lips by her ear, "Relax, baby, I ain't going anywhere."

Naomi's back muscles relaxed immediately, and I can't deny the thrill that passed through me when I felt it. I helped lower her into the water until she was floating on her back. Her breathing was quick, and shallow. I tried not to watch the way it made her chest rise and fall. Or the way that seeing her stretched out like this gave me a perfect view of the smattering of freckles on her left hip. One of my hands was right up against her bra strap, the other supported the small of her back. Suddenly, the water wasn't cold enough to douse the heat rising in me.

Fucking hell, I should've made her do this fully clothed.

"Okay, this ain't so bad," she said. Her fingers spread out in the water like she was testing it, getting used to the feeling of it surrounding her.

"Oh yeah?" I lessened the pressure on her back, which was difficult to do because all I wanted to do was touch her more. "You feel how the water's kind of holding you up?"

"Yeah."

"So long as you stay relaxed," I said, slowly removing my hands from under her. "The water does most of the work for you."

"Really?" she considered it for a moment. There was a little smile on her face, much more relaxed and happy than I thought I'd get her so fast. "I thought swimming would be harder than this."

"This is not swimming."

"Well, it ain't drowning."

"It's floating. That's step one."

"Step one? How many are there?" she asked. "I could just float when the boat that's taking us to a mystery island with no Walkers starts to sink."

"You're impossible, angel." I sighed, but I couldn't help smiling at her and the way her hair fanned out in the water behind her like a real-life mermaid. She stuck her tongue out at me. I flicked the tiniest amount of water in her direction. A mistake.

"Daryl… where are your hands?" she said, staring at my hand in horror as she slowly realized I'd let go of her back without her noticing.

"You don't need 'em. That's what I'm tryna say, you -"

"Daryl?"

"-can float on your own, you don't need me to -"

"Daryl, what the fuck?!" She tensed up immediately, water splashing around us both as she panicked. Her body folded at the waist, dipping as she scrambled to get her feet on the ground. I grabbed her as she came dangerously close to going under.

"Okay, okay, I got you," I said, holding her tight as she gasped in shock of the cold water covering her up to her neck. "My hands are right here, baby, right here."

Naomi clung to me, and was nice even though she was grouchy about it. "Don't do that again."

"How else ya gonna learn?"

"Why do I have to learn?" she scowled, her arms around my shoulders. I knew I should have let go and let her try again, but I was enjoying her warmth in the cold water. Enjoying it a little too much, if I'm honest. I could feel myself hardening despite the cold. I tried to ignore it, but having her pressed up against me was too nice.

"You see how you only started to sink when you panicked and got all tense?" I said, avoiding her question. "If you ever find yourself in water like this, the first step is to relax. Let yourself float."

"Then what?"

"Well, hopefully, by then, you'll be swimming on your own."

"And if not?"

"I'll come and get ya," I said.

"What if you ain't there?"

"I will be."

I ain't letting you out of my damn sight.

Naomi laughed like I was joking, but I'd never been more serious about anything in my life. Before I could say anything, she pulled herself closer to me, giving me soft, gentle kisses as her legs wrapped around my waist. She was feather-light under the water.

"This ain't what we're supposed to be doing," I groaned against her lips, but my resolve had been tested for so long that I didn't exactly resist her. At some point when I'd been kissing her, my hands had slipped down to her ass, pulling her body tighter against my waist.

"You still ain't told me why this what we're doing," she said.

I sighed. I didn't want to tell her because I knew I'd sound crazy. I wasn't even sure how to describe this knot of dread in my stomach that formed every time I thought about the fact she couldn't swim. It was new, and it was strong. Ever since she'd brought up the dangers of pregnancy and childbirth, I'd been haunted but the same damn thought. Over and over.

What else haven't I thought of?

"Can't lose you, baby," I said, holding her a little tighter to me. Everything in me ached to be closer to her. Something tugged at my heart, a growing heat spread through my lower stomach. "Not to Walkers, not to a gunshot, not to drowning, not to a fire, not an illness, not an accident. Nothing."

"Daryl," her whole face softened. "You can't protect me from absolutely everything."

"Wanna bet?"

Naomi smiled. I knew she thought I was being ridiculous, shooting for the impossible, and the trouble was she was right. Rationally, I knew the day would come when both of us would breathe our last. But I also knew that there wasn't a single cell in my body that wouldn't stop fighting the inevitable. The idea that one day there'd be a world without her in it, no matter how far off that day was, sent me into a tailspin I couldn't get out of.

"We got it too good, sweetheart. I can't… I wouldn't be able to..." I held her closer to me, not wanting her to drift even slightly out of my arms. "Not now I know what's it like… how it feels to…this life with you... it's so..."

It was incoherent nonsense, but she did what she always did and translated it in her head so that she could understand me. Her hand, cold from the water, touched my cheek. "I know. We have it real good. Better than I ever thought it could be."

The way she looked at me threw me off a little. Her tone was light enough, but there was a seriousness in her eyes, like she was weighing something up. I rested my forehead against hers. Could'veI could've fallen into those eyes. "You're everything to me."

"You really mean that, don't you?" Her eyes were still searching mine for something. I didn't know what. All I could give her was the truth.

"'Course I do." That she even had to ask was a sign I'd failed somewhere at something.

"You're everything to me too, Daryl," she whispered. My lips found hers, although I knew I shouldn't. There was something sad in her pretty eyes. She was so damn irresistible. My biggest goddamn weakness in this life, and having her wrapped around me in the water like this was too much.

Fuck it.

"Goddamn it, Naomi," I picked her up out of the water, walking us both to the shore.

"What?" she asked, all innocent, her face buried in my neck.

"You know damn well what," I said, carrying her back to the car. "Who let you be half-naked like this, huh?

I felt her body shake with laughter against mine. "This was all your idea."

I opened up the back seat of the car and set her down. I hated having her out of my arms, but I loved how she looked when she lay back across the seat. Skin still glistening from the water, goosebumps rising on it. I started slowly kissing up her body as I crawled on top of her. Cramped and yet we didn't feel close enough. I murmured against her collarbone, "I need you, baby."

Naomi let out one of her beautiful whimpers as I reached her neck. Her hands were on my back, running up and down, pulling my body against hers. There was already so fucking little between us. A few thin pieces of material that were so wet they stuck to us like a second skin.

I knew we should stop to dry off, cool off, but I didn't want to and neither did she.

"Take 'em off, Daryl, please…"

"Take what off, baby?" I teased.

"All of it," she said with a neediness that made me smirk, made me want to explode. Made me want to hear it again. "Fucking all of it."

I unclasped her bra, pausing for a moment to nip at her hardened nipples before I moved to tug her panties off. I peeled my boxers off and looked back at her.

"Open up for me, sweetheart," I told her and she obliged immediately, her legs falling open. I couldn't stop staring at her, couldn't believe this angle walking among us was mine. My girl. "God, you're perfect."

My knees sank into the carseat, her soft thighs hugged my ears as I ducked down between them. My mouth watered before I'd even tasted her. Naomi whimpered again as I pressed my tongue against her clit. Her sweet heat against my mouth, my tongue exploring her again and again. God, she tasted like nothing else on this Earth. Heavenly. My favorite meal.

My fingers pushed inside her, seeking out that spot that I knew would turn those whimpers into something more. Something louder, more primal. Her hips bucked a little as I got close. So damn needy for me. I loved it. I didn't want to stop until she was a shaking, quivering mess. And then I wanted to do it all over again.

"Fuck, Daryl," she gasped. Her hands tugged my hair. "Wait."

I stopped, looked up at her, catching my breath. "You okay, angel?"

"Yeah…yeah…" she nodded breathlessly. "Just… I don't suppose your preparations for today included… um…"

I sat up, wiped my mouth. "What do you want, Naomi?"

"I want you inside me," she said. Just hearing it made me throb with need. "Is that… can we…?"

I nodded, reaching down to where my jeans had fallen on the floor of the car and pulling a condom out of my pocket. We'd been all hands and mouths since the condom split and that was fine. It still felt like a miracle I was allowed to touch her at all. But I couldn't deny that I'd missed being inside her.

"This what you want, baby?" I asked. She nodded. Still, I wanted to be sure. "Tell me. Tell me you want it."

"Fuck me, Daryl," she said, already reaching for the foil in my hands. "Please… I gotta feel your cock in me."

"Goddamn, angel, you're needy today." I sat back and let her roll it over me. I got ready to lay her down again, but before I could move she'd swung her leg over me and pulled herself onto my lap. I liked how close it made us, how her body was pressed up against mine, all softness and curves. She kissed me deeply, slowly, one hand reaching down to line up my hard cock with her slick entrance.

"I need you," she whispered between kisses, her tongue meeting mine. My heart throbbed in my chest, my cock throbbed in her hand.

"I need you too, baby," I groaned as she slowly slid down onto me. My fingers dug into her, my head tipped back. "You got no fucking idea how much."

Naomi's breath fanned across my neck as she leaned in to kiss it. I wrapped my arms around her, hugged her close as she started to roll her hips on me, fucking herself slowly on my cock. She gasped, "Fuck, Daryl."

"I know, baby, I know," I murmured in her ear. Because I did. The soft cushion of her chest against mine, the warmth of her body completely wrapped up in my arms, and her hot, tight, heat around my cock was almost too much to bear and yet it still didn't feel like enough. That dark promise, that looming threat that one day all of this would be over, meant I longed for her even when she was right there with me. Even when I was buried deep inside her, holding her tight in my arms, I wanted more of her.

"Oh my God…" Naomi's breath and lips on my neck, the movement of her hips faster and more urgent. Both of us shivering with cold, with need, with the promise of each other. Nothing had come easy for us except loving each other. But, as difficult as our lives had been, it would be nothing compared to how hard it would be to let each other go. Fingernails biting down on wet skin. Her face buried in my neck, I could feel her moaning against me, the sound vibrating through me as if they were my own. Hell, maybe they were.

"Lean back a little, baby. Lemme see ya," I told her. Naomi pulled back, fixing me with those beautiful eyes, all hazy with desire. "God you're so fucking pretty."

"Daryl…" she tried to look away from me. All cute and self-conscious. A curtain of hair fell across her face. I reached out to move it, tucked it behind her ear.

"C'mon now, darlin', let me see ya. Look at me, angel." I said. She looked back at me. Her face flushed, lips parted as her soft cries kept falling from them. "I love seein' you enjoying yourself like this. You're so fucking beautiful, Naomi."

I held her face as I kissed her, swallowing each of her pretty moans. It felt wrong, dirty almost, to have her in the back of a car like this. This girl who deserved palaces and four-poster beds and all the riches in the world was somehow slumming it with me in the back of a car. A better man would've given her up, let her find something actually good enough for her.

But fuck she felt so good.

"That's it, baby just like that," I held her hips, pressing my feet down firmly on the floor so I could meet her movements, driving up harder into her.

"Oh, fuck." Naomi's eyelashes fluttered, her eyes rolling back slightly. Heat and pride coursed through me at once.

"You're about to cum for me, ain't ya?" I said. She nodded. My grip on her hips tightened, I couldn't take my eyes off her face. I watched her orgasm building behind her eyes. "It's okay, beautiful, you can let go. Cum for me angel."

The way she said my name, the way it burned on her pretty lips as she came undone, the way she fluttered and clenched around me, the way her body tensed up in my arms… all of it sent me spiraling closer to the edge. As she came down from her high, she leaned forward. Her body was a little limp, but her lips were seeking out mine. A searing kiss, her tongue against mine, another one of her goddamn whimpers vibrating against me was enough to tip me over. I gripped her hips so tight I was sure I'd leave a mark, pushing deep inside her as I came. Her kisses swallowed the deep, guttural sounds that tried to escape me. They were hers. She was right to claim them.

Panting, I slumped down onto the backseat, pulling her with me. She lay on top of me for a moment while we caught our breath. Steamed up windows made it hard to see outside, but I was sure more time had passed than I'd have wanted. Still, I could've lain there with her for the rest of my life.

"You really derailed this whole thing," I mumbled into her hair. "This was not in the plan for today."

"You coulda said no," she retorted.

"Right. Like I could say no to you," I said, and felt her laughter against my chest.

"It ain't so bad if I don't learn to swim right this second. Surely we can come back in the summer when it's actually warm," she said. "I promise not to get on any boats before then."

"I'm gonna hold you to that." I stroked a hand through her still-damp hair. "We gotta start making tracks, though."

She looked up at me from where her head was resting on my chest. So damn cute and a little bit sleepy. "You wanna go home?"

"Nah, not yet," I said, reluctantly untangling myself from her. "There's something else I wanna do."

"I already know about stop, drop, and roll," she said, eyeing me suspiciously. "Y'know, in case your next life lesson involves setting me on fire."

"That ain't it," I chuckled, shaking my head at her. I opened the door and ducked around to the trunk. I passed her a towel and the dry clothes I'd packed before toweling off myself and getting dressed again.

I picked up my jacket from where it had fallen on the floor in the back of the car, my fingers fumbling in the pockets before I put it on.

"You ready?" she asked me, opening up the passenger side door.

My fingers closed around the ring still nestled safely in there. I took a breath, "Ready as I'll ever be."