Lloyd stared into the embers of the fire, lost in thought. He lay back to back with Rai, mostly to conserve heat, and above them the sky had turned pitch black and the stars twinkled from their places. He was pretty sure the half-elf was asleep, though you never really knew with Rai.

Lloyd, for his part, was having a hard time drifting off. He felt oddly on edge, even though he'd set Noishe as a lookout. The dog was a surefire monster detector; Lloyd could be sure if any approached, Noise would give that piercing howl of his and take off. Yet he couldn't make himself relax, keeping his sword sheaths close by and his eyes open, looking alternatively at the heart of the fire and the expanse of the desert beyond it.

This last event had been...weird, to say the least. It made him even more curious to know what was up with Rai, though he was worried as well. What on earth had happened to him before he came to live with Raine and Genis? And more than that, why were all these things just surfacing now? Lloyd didn't know how long Rai had been having the nightmares, but he highly doubted the half-elf had been having panic attacks like this one all along. That wouldn't have been hidden so easily. So was it a recent thing? Was it that he was starting to remember something?

There was something else that Lloyd was starting to realize. Despite Rai's outward self-assuredness and precise words to his companions, he seemed to turn on himself really easily, and to assume that others would do the same. How many times already had he automatically thought that Lloyd would reject him or betray him? He probably thought the same of the others, even his brother and sister. Lloyd thought back to the time they'd been exiled from the village. Rai had accused Raine of not caring about him, when it was obvious to every other person that she did. For being insanely smart, Rai could be pretty dumb at times too.

Lloyd sighed and shifted his head from where it was pillowed on his arm, staring back into the fire again. He hoped the others would manage to find a way out; he wasn't exactly keen on having to make the trip back to Triet and back again to dig them out.

Just as he was starting to drift off, some sound made him jerk awake and he sat straight up, relaxing when he heard Genis's voice in the distance. A moment later, the group had emerged from the ruins, looking a bit dirty and slightly singed but mostly okay. Genis glanced over at them and raised a hand. "Hey, guys. Had fun relaxing out here?" He seemed to have recovered from his shock in the ruins. Lloyd heard Rai stir beside him.

"Not so loud," he said quietly to Genis, motioning to their sleeping companion. "He seems really tired."

Raine and Genis both gave him questioning looks, but the next moment Colette gave a little moan of pain and collapsed. Raine caught her, her blue eyes shocked, and Lloyd rushed forward to her side, all thoughts of Rai forgotten. "What happened? Was she hurt in the ruins?" he demanded, forgetting himself to keep his voice down. Raine looked confused.

"No...we all protected her, and she hardly had a scratch on her," she said, putting glowing green hands over Colette's torso in a diagnostic spell. Another voice came from behind them.

"Must be the Angel Toxicosis," Rai said sleepily, sitting up and blinking. Lloyd glanced back at him in surprise and Raine shot him a sharp look.

"What do you mean? Angel Toxicosis?"

Rai seemed to jolt awake at that, his eyes suddenly very alert. "Ah, sorry. I was still half asleep. That was just...a joke, since I assumed that she was sick because of whatever Remiel did this time, to continue turning her into an angel." He coughed into his hand, but met Raine's eyes squarely. "I do know this is no joking matter," he said, before Lloyd could say the same thing. "Sorry."

Raine still seemed suspicious, but she seemed to accept this, turning back to Colette. "I actually agree that this is probably a side effect of the angel transformation," she said. "Oddly enough, I was thinking of calling it 'Angel Toxicosis' as well...I suppose Rai and I do have some similarities, as siblings. If she doesn't get better by morning, we'll have to search for a doctor in Triet."

Lloyd laid his hand on Colette's forehead. It was burning up, and her blond hair stuck to her face. He brushed it behind her ears and hovered worriedly as the Professor laid her down by the fire and covered her with a thick cloak. He thought, not for the first time, that this was terribly unfair. Why should Colette have to go through all this for a position she had been born into, with no choice in the matter? And there was nothing he could do to help. He clenched his fists.

"Lloyd," the Professor said gently, placing a hand on his arm. "Colette will be all right. The rest of us should rest up, as well."

He knew she was right, but he felt terrible just leaving Colette like this. He hadn't even been there in the ruins to protect her...

"Come on, Lloyd." It was Rai this time. "It'll be even harder to protect her if you're falling asleep on the trip tomorrow." It was like the half elf had read Lloyd's mind.

Reluctantly, he scooted back over to his place between Rai and Noishe and lay back down, mind in turmoil. Why couldn't anything ever go smoothly? His objective, his reason for coming along on this journey - it had been to protect Colette. What was the point if he couldn't even do that?

"Lloyd. Stop moping."

"I'm not moping," he whispered back. "Go to sleep."

He felt more than heard Rai's chuckle. "You were getting mad at me for being down on myself earlier. Well, same to you now."

Rai had a point and Lloyd knew it. "Okay, fine, you win."

"Can you guys stop whispering over there?" came Genis's tired voice. "Some of us are trying to sleep."

They quieted, and soon after, Lloyd was well and truly asleep.

Rai, in contrast, lay awake long into the night. Despite seemingly having moved on, his thoughts hadn't left those moments earlier in the ruins for a second. What in hell had happened there?

What worried him about it most was that W had resurfaced again with no prompting from Rai, and more than that, had even affected Rai's behavior. In hindsight, he was sure W had been most of the reason he had collapsed like that, sobbed like that. Without Rai even realizing it, W had partially taken control.

That scared him.

In the last few days before then, he'd been hearing nothing from that voice, and although the others kept chattering on as they always did, there had been nothing out of the ordinary, and at any rate they weren't nearly as problematic as W was. They never tried to take over or overwhelm his senses unless he wanted them to, for one thing. They were his instruments, not the other way around. W was…different.

Akira, on the other hand, had been silent for some time as well. This made Rai more sure than ever that his past self was somehow tangled up in all of this. Akira had to know what was going on, and Rai would bet any amount of gald that it had something to do with whatever he couldn't remember about his early years. He'd been in Cruxis, so, what, had Mithos done something to him? What could have possibly been so bad? Had something about the atmosphere of the ruins after the cave-in triggered subconscious memories of it?

He sighed, shifting a little and pushing his forehead against the back of his wrist. For a few moments he just breathed slowly, trying to collect his thoughts. He was aware of Lloyd's slow breaths behind him, signifying that the swordsman was asleep, and the others seemed to be asleep as well, except Kratos, who was still acting as lookout.

There was no point in just thinking in circles. If he wanted to know what this was all about, he needed to take steps toward that goal, not just flail around aimlessly trying to hit on something.
Realistically, what were his leads on finding out what had happened, short of just waiting to remember on his own? There was Kratos, who seemed to know, but this was problematic because Kratos thought Rai had his memories of that time.

And there was Akira.

Akira?

At first the voice did not respond. Then, a sigh.

I was wondering when you'd ask, brat.

You already know what I want.

Yeah. You want to know what I know about what happened earlier. But, Rai...

What? You think it's better for me not to know? I beg to differ. Do you really think it's good for me to have unpredictable panic attacks? One could strike during the fight at the Tower of Salvation - actually, it almost definitely will at this rate, if I'm right and this has something to do with Mithos. Especially since he'll probably recognize me, even if he thinks I'm dead so far.

That's true, Akira admitted. But I...I can't just...it's not that simple, Rai. What you went through back then...it almost broke you. It was worse than anything I went through as a child, and look how messed up I am. He laughed bitterly, insofar as he could inside Rai's head. I would have thought that at least in rebirth, our luck could have changed. But no, just like with me, you were pushed to your limit, and were forced to break yourself into pieces to survive.

A realization was dawning on Rai, one that he had probably already known on some level. That's why the voices exist.

Yeah, Akira said quietly. Well, at least that's why W exists. You've probably guessed by now what he is.

Rai did have his guesses. But he said nothing, and after a moment Akira continued.

That scared, broken child that's all that was left of your innocence. I tried to help as much as I could, but in the end there was no way for such a young child to survive such pressure sane, without withdrawing somehow, somewhere. By the time Raine found you, you were damaged, an empty shell of yourself.

You're talking like W is the real me, Rai snapped, and the one talking to you now is a shell. Well, this is me now, and if W is so broken and weak then I don't need him anymore. In fact, I've probably been better off without him.

Rai could feel Akira's sadness and pity in his mind, but his past self said nothing.

What? If you've got something to say, spit it out, Rai insisted, annoyed.

Rai...Akira sighed. Look, even if you were originally a construct created by your mind as protection because it couldn't handle the situation - that's all just wordplay. You're as real as I am. Of all people, I would know that. Maybe you've guessed from the memories you've gained from me so far, but I had this same problem. Whatever part of me was sensitive and hesitant and cared about other people was beaten out of me and forgotten in the corners of my mind, because to survive in the world I needed a harsher personality. I needed to be the man I wanted to be, a man who could kill the stepfather who abused me, who could crush anyone who offended me, and keep from exposing myself again. It's not that simple, of course. The human mind is fucking complicated. Did you know this was actually the reason I went into medicine? He scoffed, but Rai could hear a note of grief in his voice. Fat lot of good that did me in the end.

But anyway, Akira continued, W isn't something you can just get rid of. The other voices, which you've unconsciously used to store logical patterns to fall back on, aren't full-fledged personalities like him. Whether you want to consider him as the 'real' one or not, he's still an existence very close to your core. He's part of you. You'll have to coexist with him somehow, otherwise things are going to get...He paused. ...Bad.

What did you do?

...I think it was different for me, Akira hedged. It seems like this is affecting you differently partly because in this world, the brain and the body work so oddly. With mana entering the mix, some things just seem supernatural and impossible to me even still. But either way, I...I was fucked up. God, now that I'm out of that hell, I can see it...He shuddered. The last few years of my life weren't pretty, Rai. You don't want to emulate me.

Then what the hell am I supposed to do?! Rai screamed in his mind, frustrated beyond belief. Not only was there a stupid, crazy entity in his mind, but it turned out that entity was the real thing and he, Rai, was only a construct? He was still having a hard time wrapping his mind around the implications.

Calm down, Akira hissed urgently. The last thing you want right now is for W to show up again, dammit. That's why I'm so scared of telling you exactly what happened. I think if you remember it all at once, you might break...again. Anyway the results are totally unpredictable. Just...just know this - the solution isn't to reject W outright and try to fall back on relying on stock patterns again. That's only going to make this worse. I think...somehow, we need to focus on getting W to heal. He is part of you, after all.

The 'real' me, apparently, Rai said bitterly. Akira chose not to respond to this, continuing his argument.

If we leave him like this, eventually he'll do something crazy and we'll both be dead.

Rai's head was pounding furiously now. He felt like pulverizing something.

Fine, he said after a pause, and there must have been a note of finality in his tone because he felt Akira's presence diminish. Rai could feel the mana in his body flowing, pulsing restlessly with the desire to do something, provide some outlet for the confusion he was feeling, and he slowed his breathing, trying to calm it down. This furious mana was his so-called "physical" mana, he knew - the type he had such little control over. Spiritual mana, which allowed him to do magic, was the one he could control by pure concentration of mind, and allowed him to interact with mana in the air and cross distances of space. Physical, on the other hand, was far less useful - it sprang up when his emotions were roused, lending strength to his muscles. Less refined, but almost everyone used it. Now it was at an ultimate high, making his spiritual mana stir restlessly as well.

Across the clearing, he heard Kratos shift and knew that the seraph had probably detected the sharp spike in Rai's energy. He forced himself to calm down, and only after he had managed to soothe the mana to a more reasonable level did he notice that he had clenched his fists so hard that his palms were bleeding from his fingers digging into them. It stung, and as he glanced at the wounds he found himself thinking something he'd thought multiple times since they'd started this journey: I need to learn healing magic.

But first he needed rest. And so, after what felt like hours more of trying, he succumbed to an uneasy sleep.

By the time Genis stirred again, the sun was just peeking over the horizon and the day was on the cusp of becoming unbearably hot once more. He yawned and stretched, rubbing his eyes a little, and then glanced around their makeshift camp. His thoughts immediately went to Colette first - she still lay where she'd been last night, eyes closed - but when he went over to her and felt her forehead, it seemed to have cooled down and he breathed a sigh of relief. Hopefully she was just sleeping now and would wake up soon, perfectly fine. He wished he could do something more to help her with this, but it seemed this was just one more of those burdens that the Chosen had to bear on her own.

Surprisingly, Raine was still asleep, which was kind of crazy because usually she was up well before him. Or maybe not that crazy, he realized, glancing at Kratos kneeling beside Noishe, since she'd probably switched night watch shifts with Kratos at one point. Yesterday's ordeal had been pretty crazy, after all. Sure, Remiel had given them that portal to warp to quite near the entrance, but that fight had been insane.

On that note - he couldn't stop thinking about how something about Remiel totally rubbed him the wrong way. Yeah, sure, he'd been awed by the angel when he first saw him and all that - but the more he observed him, the more he seemed like an arrogant bastard. Genis himself had been the one to ask whether Remiel was Colette's father, but it seemed suspicious the way the angel kept strategically bringing that up to string Colette along. Not to mention that he seemed to think of himself as above them - he might not even be trying to hide it. Okay, fine, he was part of Cruxis, but that didn't mean he was a god.

Genis wondered if he should wake the others. He glanced at the sky and decided that they could probably sleep for another hour yet, and hopefully Colette might be better by then too, so that they wouldn't have to carry her while she was still sick and in the heat of the desert to boot. He stood from where he'd been kneeling by Colette and walked over to the other side of the remains of the fire, towards Kratos, pausing by Rai and Lloyd. The two of them were both in the shade of a large rock, facing away from each other and evidently fast asleep. Genis was about to move on when he noticed something and leaned closer to Rai, furrowing his brow a bit in confusion. There was a splash of crimson on his half-open palm, and upon closer inspection Genis realized it was blood from deep scrapes across Rai's lower palm, seemingly from his own nails. Carefully, he extricated Rai's other hand and curled his brother's fingers open, only to find a similar result. He felt a pang of worry. Had Rai done this to himself in his sleep? Could he have been having one of those dreams again?

Thankfully, the Triet Ruins were located by a small oasis, and there was some water available. Genis took a trip to it to a soak a washcloth before returning to Rai and gently cleaning the blood off his palms. The wounds seemed to have mostly closed up during the night, but if Rai was planning to use his sword today or even fight hand-to-hand they would definitely sting. Genis grabbed some clean cloth from his pack and bound the wounds carefully, hoping that would help. As finally finished and stood, sighing, he noticed Kratos's eyes on him and walked over to the mercenary. "Good morning," he greeted him. Kratos didn't respond, as expected. It took several more moments before he spoke at all.

"Is Rai injured?"

Genis studied him suspiciously. "Yes, but it's not very serious. Just his hands. I was going to ask Raine to help heal them when she wakes up, although they'll probably need a bit of time to heal fully even so. It seems like his nails must have been digging into his palms when he slept."

Kratos's eyes flitted downwards. "I see," he murmured, sounding somehow regretful. Genis could feel the questions burning inside him and stopped himself from asking them. He still hadn't been able to figure out Rai's connection with this man, other than the fact that they'd almost certainly known each other somehow before Rai had come to live with Raine.

"Wait, Rai's injured?" This was Lloyd's voice. Genis walked back over to him.

"Hey, you're up. Yeah, I don't know when it happened."

Lloyd sighed, glancing over Rai's shoulder at his hands and shaking his head. "Well, those definitely weren't there last night," he sighed. "Don't tell me he's been dr-" He stopped, glancing at Genis guiltily.

"I know about his dreams, Lloyd," Genis said in a low voice. "Not what they're about, but enough. How could I not know by now?"

"Yeah, I guess you're right," Lloyd admitted. "But you'd think if he dreamt last night and somehow did this to himself, I would have noticed..."

Genis sighed too, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand. "You know, I guess I'm actually glad you guys get along now. Now I don't have to worry about this ungrateful guy all on my own."

Lloyd grinned. "Yeah, he is kind of annoying sometimes, isn't he? Like he doesn't want anyone to ever be concerned about him. He just closes up sometimes, and tries to push me away."

"Yup, sounds like him all right. Tries to act like the bad guy, right?"

"I can hear you, you know," Rai mumbled sleepily. He rolled over to face them and yawned, eyes opening to slits. "If you want to have a conversation without waking me up, then don't do it right next to my damn ear."

Genis couldn't hold back his giggle, though he muffled it with his hand. Lloyd was a bit more tactful, though there was laughter in his voice too. "Hey, sorry. Did you sleep okay?"

"Honestly? No. I feel like shit," Rai muttered, sitting up and pressing two fingers between his eyes. Then he winced and glanced at his hands. "Oh, right..."

"What do you mean, 'oh right'?" Genis said immediately. "Do you know how you got injured?"

"Did you clean these up for me, Genis?" Rai asked. "Yeah, I just...without knowing it..."

"So you weren't asleep, then," Genis guessed. "Still, you should be more careful. What on earth were you thinking about to be clenching your fists that hard? Your mana must have been pretty roused up. A little much even for you."

"Nothing important," Rai said without inflection, and Genis knew he'd be getting no more out of him on this subject. Lloyd seemed to be giving Rai a knowing look, but Rai didn't acknowledge it at all. Genis wondered again whether something out of the ordinary had happened on their end after the rockfall. If it had, though, they obviously weren't telling.

"Well, I guess we should go ahead and get going, then," he said when it was clear that nobody was going to say anything else. He strode over to Raine and gently shook her awake. Her tired blue eyes fluttered open immediately, and her first reaction was to turn worriedly to Colette. Genis held back a fond smile. His sister could be hard as nails at times, but she truly cared about all of them.
Raine hovered over Colette for a few moments before the Chosen stirred. "Everyone?" she asked weakly, her voice confused. Raine helped steady her as she sat up, and Lloyd immediately raced over to her side.

"You collapsed after we came out of the ruins," Raine explained. "Are you feeling better now?"

She still seemed confused for a few moments, then blinked and seem to come to a realization. "Oh. Yes, I - I feel perfectly fine. I'm so sorry..."

"Stop apologizing, you dork," Lloyd said, but his voice was full of affection and relief. He put his arms around her and she returned the hug lightly. Genis smirked a little and shook his head.

"Well, then, let's get going," Rai said. His voice had become cool again, and Genis couldn't help but send him a look. He felt like his brother had always been a bit too cold towards Colette. Genis had a hard time understanding this, as she was the nicest, most genuine person he knew, but then again Rai had also been at odds with Lloyd for a long time. He was probably just being difficult.

After Raine had soothed the pain in Rai's wounds at Genis's behest, they packed up camp and set off, the desert sun already starting to beat down upon them. Kratos was still there, but he hadn't spoken since they'd left the ruins. Genis didn't know how to feel about the man; he seemed aloof most of the time, but he seemed to take his job seriously enough. Multiple times he'd saved one or more of the other party members at risk to his own life.

The journey back to Triet was long and a bit quiet. They were all still tired out, despite the sleep, and the desert sun was merciless. Colette in particular was subdued, walking silently next to Raine, who put her arm around the blond Chosen once in a while. Genis hoped Raine had it under control, whatever it was. Kratos brought up the back, his eyes constantly scanning the landscape for threats, and Lloyd and Rai and Genis were in a single file line in between, trudging on at a constant pace. They'd encountered some enemies when they'd first left the ruins, but everything had been clear and quiet for some time. Finally Genis dropped back to walk next to Lloyd, tired of the silence.

"So how'd it go for you guys after the rockfall?" he asked him, out of lack of words to say. Lloyd glanced at him with an furtive look on his face.

"Nothing much happened," he said. "We felt along the wall to get out and then set up camp to wait for you guys. I'm more worried about how it went on your end."

Genis knew Lloyd was hiding something, but decided to let it go. He'd just had that conversation with Rai about not prying into others' lies, too...He let out a sigh. "Yes, well, it was about as eventful as you'd expect," he said. "Stumbled through the rest of the ruins in the dark, found the seal room, fought a huge flaming lava beast - "

"Wait, what?" Lloyd's eyes went wide with excitement, just as Genis had known they would. "Nobody told me about that!"

As he described the experience to his enthusiastic friend, Genis felt some of the burden on his shoulders lighten. Regardless of what else happened, as long as he still had his friends, all was right in his world.

A/N: Thanks for your review, xSporkyx. In this case, "shortly" did indeed mean pretty damn quick :). I don't much like Colette either, but I'm trying to make her...slightly more complicated than she was in the game, since her actually being perfectly altruistic would be very boring. She has to at least feel human emotions like jealousy!

You brought up an interesting point about shipping Rai and Lloyd; I know at least one other reviewer said the same thing. I wonder how many more agree with you...

And yep, the image is sort of meant to be Rai - at least, I had him in mind when I drew it...I'm obviously not an artist, though, so it's not quite how he looks ^.^ I'll get an artist friend to draw a proper one eventually.

Next chapter will probably be up sooner if I get more reviews, because I'm human. It'll be up eventually regardless. 'Till then!