Chapter 19

First Times

The first week with Tenzō reminded Sakura of her first days in the hospital. She had studied, trained, read every book she could, but nothing quite prepared you for the real thing, for the chaos and pressure and responsibility. Parenting was exactly that, except the stakes were, simultaneously, lower and higher. She didn't have dozens of sick and injured people's lives in her hands. Tenzō was just one little boy. But he didn't just need her to heal his hurts and move on to the next patient. He needed her forever. He needed her for everything. To eat, to sleep, for comfort, to teach him to speak and to walk. He needed her to teach him that he was safe, that he was loved.

She remembered the man he had been. Even though they wanted to give him a better, happier life, she felt tremendous pressure to raise him up to be who she remembered. A task that—now it was in front of her—she felt woefully incapable of.

Although he was technically around two years old, he was essentially a large infant. Being kept in a tank for probably most of his life, he'd not hit any of the developmental milestones a normal child did. This was as far as her reading and studying got her. There was no frame of reference for what his normal would be.

One of the first things they'd figured out was that his extended time in a mostly sensory-deprived environment left him with an extreme need for input. Touch of any kind was almost always met with content sighs and settled cries, especially tight hugs and head scratches. If you were holding him, he would be exploring the texture of your clothing with his face and hands, or tangling his fingers through your hair. He liked Senbei's thick fur and warm tongue, but the growing ninken could only tolerate the small human latched onto him for so long before he was poofing home for a break.

So far, at least, it didn't seem like his constant need for stimulus would hinder his other development, so she tried not to worry. It had taken him barely a day and a half to be able to sit on his own. By the fourth day, so long as mama, daddy or Kakashi-kun were hovering close, he would reach and lean and start to get up on his hands and knees to look at things further away. Eating and drinking were eagerly understood too, as was a stubborn frustration to be denied the much tastier looking things everyone else ate. They learned the hard way to keep their dishes away from the edge of the table.

While he hadn't spoken more than screeches and grunts, she gauged his mental development to be more or less where it should be at two. He seemed to have an age-appropriate understanding of what was going on around him. His wide brown eyes watched everything, measuring new things and people carefully. He had immediately trusted Kakashi and herself, not understanding yet what "mama" and "daddy" meant, but knowing somehow that they were his, that they were safe. Other people were met with wariness from around mama or daddy's arms.

Kakashi-kun was the lone exception. Tenzō must have decided that 'Nii-san' was his too. He would let the older boy carry him around, even out of sight of Kakashi and Sakura. He was small, but Kakashi-kun wasn't very big for almost six. Watching them together was as amusing as it was heartwarming. Kakashi-kun was taking his self-imposed role of big brother very seriously, but Tenzō brought out a caring, more childlike side of him that her Kakashi had not recognized. He was sweet and protective, he spent hours playing with him, finding new things for him to touch and investigate.

On the fifth day after bringing him home, Sakura had left Tenzō with Kakashi-kun while she made lunch. When she'd last checked on them, they'd been in the older boy's room. He had his 'pup' on his lap and was reading him a special illustrated copy of Jiraiya's ridiculous premiere novel. She had just been about to get them to eat when Kakashi-kun came running out of his room, amusement in his eyes as he practically dragged her back.

"Look, Me-chan. He was getting squirmy and kept knocking the book out of my hands so I thought this would help him stay still and be like a big hug. Well… I guess he liked it more than I expected." Indeed, when she peeked into the room, Tenzō was snugly rolled up in Kakashi-kun's duvet, sound asleep. The only part of him she could see was his face and the fingers of his left hand. "He looks like a little Tenzō gimbap."

She had asked Kakashi about getting a camera when he got home that evening.

His eyes snapped open, immediately alert from deep sleep. Pup. Tenzō was fussing and squirming, he smelled scared. Another nightmare. Soothing words muttered in a gentle but exhausted voice just loud enough to be heard over the cries meant Sakura was awake too. She cuddled him to her breast, her lips brushing his temple and one hand running through his short brown hair.

"Shh, it's alright, baby… Mama's got you. You're safe… Shhh, Tenzō, sweetheart, I've got you."

One of her legs was hooked around one of his, keeping him close. Pressing closer, Kakashi laid his cheek against the top of Tenzō's head.

"See? Daddy's here too. You're safe, Tenzō. Shh… we've got you."

Whimpering, he burrowed into her, breathing her in, hiccuping around sobs and gasps for air. Slowly, gradually, the tearful sobs petered out, replaced by harsh, sniffling tremors as his nervous system settled. Half asleep, Kakashi nuzzled his face in Tenzō's hair, relaxing as the smell of his fear dissipated, replaced with his scent, with Sakura's. He's ours. Hers and mine. Our pup.

Contentment rumbled through his chest, his whole body wrapping tighter around the pair of them. His long arms slid around her back, pulling her closer.

"Kakashi…" One of her hands carded through his hair, lightly scratching his scalp. Blinking one eye up at her, he watched her watching him. Her eyes were soft, filled with something they hadn't spoken aloud. He turned into her touch, warmed by it. He wanted more, wanted her.

He wanted more sleep.

Before he could fall back asleep, he dragged his nose along her hairline, inhaling deeply, pressing his lips to her skin.

Mine.

With a yawn and a final press of his forehead to hers, he drifted back to sleep.

To both hers and Kakashi's immense relief, at least one part of the man they remembered would endure. Their son's love for plants and nature in general was as natural to him as the Hatake's affinity for canines. Being outside, playing in the dirt, rolling in the grass, sitting by the flowers she'd planted, burying his face in the soft, colorful petals made him happy. He still hadn't laughed or smiled, but the garden was very obviously his favorite place. It was the only place he could be where he did not scream if left on his own. He still needed to be able to see one of his three precious people, but he was content.

Most afternoons, Kakashi-kun would summon Pakkun and the four of them would be outside most of the day. He would practice katas where Tenzō could watch, because, 'he's going to start learning as soon as he can walk, like I did.' No little brother of his was going to be a useless Genin.

On the eighth day, Sakura had come out with a basket of wet clothes to find both boys and Pakkun completely covered in mud. It was such normal, regular kid play, that finding Kakashi-kun partaking was surprising. The older boy, with barely any of his silver hair visible, looked up at her with wide guilty eyes and pointed an accusing finger at Tenzō.

"He started it!"

Sakura burst out laughing, demanded he not move and ran for her new camera. By the time Sakumo and Kakashi got home, she had both boys and the little pug mostly sprayed off in the bathroom and soaking in the tub. There was mud everywhere. Tenzō did not like the shower head at first. It was loud and apparently quite scary, but his hair was caked in mud. So Sakura held him while Kakashi-kun rinsed and lathered, and he screamed. Eventually both boys were clean enough for a soak and the warm, quiet water calmed him down.

"Is everything okay in there?" Kakashi poked his head in, eyes going a little wide to see the mess. "Uh…"

Sakura started to answer but Tenzō sloshed water over the edge of the tub when he saw Kakashi, waving his arms and shrieking. It soaked her front and reminded her that she was almost naked. "I left the boys unsupervised outside and I found them head to toe covered in mud." She looked back at him, finding his eyes sliding up and down her wet, towel clad body. Steam must have been coming off her skin for how hot it burned. She cleared her throat and his eyes jumped to hers.

The top half of his face pinked and he ran a hand through his hair. "Sorry. Do you… need help?"

Tenzō, whom she had only just managed to stop crying, was starting to fuss again, reaching for him and smacking the edge of the tub. "I think he missed you. Why don't you take over here and I'll get dressed and clean up the mud in the hall."

Tugging his t-shirt off and kicking his slippers to the side, he leaned over the tub to pat Tenzō's wet hair, ruffling it and chuckling softly when he made it stand at odd angles. "I already took care of that, Sakumo hung up the wet clothes, and your aunt and cousin will be here with dinner in an hour. Why don't you take a break?"

"Oh…" A nap sounded great. He looked at her, suddenly very close, his eyes wandering to the tops of her breasts briefly. "Thank you, I think I will." Somehow feeling both bold and embarrassed at the same time, Sakura wished they were alone. She wanted to rip his mask down and kiss him. But they weren't alone, and she was very nearly naked. Still, not wanting to let the moment go to waste, she stood, standing almost so their chests touched, and for a change, tucked his hair behind his ear. It had come loose from where he'd tied it and was falling in his face. He snorted softly, turning into her lingering touch.

They hadn't had any time alone since bringing Tenzō home, but there had been so many of these almost moments over the last week. Without really discussing it, they had mutually agreed to take whatever was happening between them slowly and focus on their adopted son instead. If they hadn't rescued Tenzō when they did, Sakura had no doubt things might have progressed very fast. If they ever got a few hours alone together, it still might.

But she thought she enjoyed the slowness too. Each and every touch felt heavy with longing, with unspoken emotion, filled with tender care and simmering desire. When they lay beside one another every night, Tenzō snuggled between them, his bare face wearing plainly all the things neither of them had yet to speak aloud, Sakura knew that she loved him.

"Wake me up if I sleep too long?"

His fingers grazed her damp towel covered hip. "Of course."

Instead of kissing him, she smiled coyly and leaned over to kiss Tenzō's forehead before dashing out of the bathroom, a fresh dry towel wrapped around her shoulders.

Tenzō peaked cautiously up at the newcomers from where he'd buried his face in Kakashi's shirt. Ume and Kizashi were keeping a safe distance so he didn't feel crowded. "It's okay, pup. They're family, too. Like Sakumo and Kakashi-kun." Kakashi ran a hand through his hair, coaxing the shy little boy to turn around.

Ume smiled warmly at him, waving her fingers. "Hello there, Tenzō-chan. My name is Ume." She tapped her chest. "Obasan. I'm very happy to meet you, Tenzō-chan."

He eyed the pink haired woman carefully. Kakashi nodded encouragingly when he looked up to him for a cue. "It's alright, Tenzō-chan."

Blinking slowly, he leaned towards her, reaching for the graying pink braid hanging over her shoulder. She didn't stop him, having already heard a lot about Tenzō from Kakashi through Kizashi. He tugged gently, interested. After a few moments, he leaned around to look at Sakura where she stood beside her aunt. "It's like mama's isn't it?" He took a deep breath, humming on the exhale, and reached for Sakura. She took him, peppering him with kisses and squeezing him tight.

"Hey, sweetheart." He laid his head on her shoulder and sighed, content, one hand in her loose hair.

"He's so precious, Ayame, dear. I brought you a few things." She smiled, shrugging guiltily. "I'm afraid I may have gone a bit overboard. It's been so long since we've had a little one in the family." She glared half-heartedly at her son. "I also ran into Namikaze-san while I was shopping, such a nice young man, and—well I wanted to get something for Kakashi-kun too, but I wasn't sure what he might like. He gave me such a good idea. I do hope he likes it."

Kakashi felt a rush of affection for Sakura's grandmother. She really was such a kind woman.

"You didn't have to get me anything, Ume-san." The kid, standing beside him, ducked his head to hide a faint blush.

"Of course I didn't. I wanted to. Your birthday is coming up soon, isn't it? You can think of it as an early birthday present if you'd like." She waved her hands at her son, holding them out expectantly. He rolled his eyes, all good humor, and handed her two of the packages he'd brought in. "I also got you and Tenzō-chan matching shirts. It might be a little cute for you, dear, but I just couldn't help myself."

Kakashi pressed his lips together to stop from chuckling, but Sakura didn't. "You did? I'm so happy I have a camera! They'll be so cute!"

The kid rolled his eyes but accepted the packages from the older woman. "Thank you, Ume-san." He pulled the shirt out of the smaller bag. It was a dark blue t-shirt with three cartoon dogs on the front. At first, it did look a bit silly. But Kakashi watched as the kid ran his hand over them. "They're furry, and they're each a little different." He huffed, holding it up so he could see. "Tenzō-chan will love this, Ume-san." Without another word, he dashed off to his room.

Ume chuckled and turned to Sakura. "We brought dinner. Why don't we eat, and then you can look through what I brought you, if you'd like."

Tenzō sat with the kid while they ate, happily letting him feed him bites of simmered whitefish and rice while he pet their matching shirts. It was cute. Kakashi was glad Sakura had had him get the camera. There weren't many pictures of his own childhood, and even fewer memories worth preserving. He wanted to preserve this.

Ume had probably over done it, but Sakura was grateful. Not for the clothes or toys—though she certainly appreciated them and had definitely taken several pictures of the boys in their matching shirts—but for enthusiastically embracing her son, and Kakashi-kun too. There was a lot still unknown about their plans for the future. The war was going to be violent and chaotic and it was likely they would get pulled into it. But here, for now, no matter what happened after, these two little boys had this time of peace and they were so loved. There would be happy memories and more family than they'd ever had to get them through if things got hard.

Later that night, watching them sleep—Tenzō wrapped up in a spare duvet beside Kakashi-kun, his face and part of his new stuffed dog poking out—Sakura felt like them being here mattered.

Kakashi came up behind her, sliding his arms around her waist and tucking his chin on her shoulder. "How long do you think they'll stay asleep?"

"Hm." She covered his arms with hers and tipped her face back to nuzzle his cheek. They might finally have some time alone. "Probably a couple of hours."

"Good, Sakura…" He pulled away, taking one of her hands with him. His crooked, almost shy grin made her heart flutter. Damn, he was so— "Come on. They'll be fine alone for a little while."

Kakashi led her away from the boys room and along the engawa until they were closer to their own. It was a beautiful night. The stars and fireflies were out. He sat, his back against the wall, urging her to sit between his legs. When she did, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her against himself. She tipped her head to the side, letting him drag his nose and lips along her neck. Perhaps she ought to feel nervous, anxious anticipation. But she did not. This was not the first time he'd held her, he'd done so every night since they brought their son home. This was not the first time she'd felt his unspoken desire for her in his touch; that was something they both felt every time they were close. This was exactly where she belonged.

For a long, comfortable while, neither of them spoke. It had been over a week without any time to themselves, without any quiet.

It was a rare, peaceful moment.

A long-ignored thought struck her and her lips stretched in a giddy grin. Probably not the thing to bring up just then, but now that she felt like she could ask, she was dying to know.

"Kakashi?"

"Hm?" His chest rumbled against her back.

"Can I ask you something personal?"

He leaned to the side slightly so he could look at her, a small frown melting when he saw her grin. "Yes."

Shifting in his arms so she could see him better, she caught her bottom lip between her teeth and stared at his mouth. "Your father explained about your, uh… your teeth—why you have them."

He arched a brow. "You asked him about my teeth?"

Sakura ignored the heat she felt creeping up her face. "No. I asked about your family's ninken contract. That was just part of the explanation."

The corner of his mouth tugged up. "Ah."

"Anyways, is… are they why you wear the mask?"

His brows furrowed in thought, reaching up to play with her hair. "Hm… partially. When I was a kid, they made me stand out. I was already… Well, you've seen how Rin is around the kid. Before, it was all the old ladies." His nose wrinkled in disgust and he pitched his voice higher. "Oh, what a beautiful child. Sakumo, you lucky man, you surely must have lain with a Kami. Why, his mother could only have been Kichijoten herself." He finished with a nasally titter before clicking his tongue in annoyance. Sakura snorted, biting the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing. "Knowing what I know now, him never having been married and me turning up out of nowhere, I guess it's not that much of a reach. They mostly left me alone after I started wearing the mask."

Unable to keep the mirth from her face, she traced a finger along his chin, brushing across the beauty mark there. "Kakashi-kun is a beautiful child. I can see how they'd make the mistake."

He snorted and rolled his eyes. "Yes well, the teeth were more of an issue with my peers. The older people remembered my clan, but by the time I started meeting other kids, it had just been my dad for too long. Girls were all blushes and silly giggles until I'd open my mouth and then most of them would get scared." An amused huff blew across her face. "Other boys would ask if I was a fox demon or if they were some kind of jutsu and, 'I bet they're not as sharp as they look, why don't you bite Gai so we can find out.'"

This time she did laugh. "Oh no, poor Gai."

He smiled at her, eyes soft and focused on her lips. "I didn't bite Gai." A thoughtful pause, and then: "After a while, it was just more comfortable. It felt safer, especially after my father… Plus," There was a distinctly mischievous glint in his eyes. "It adds a certain mystique, makes people—most especially distractible Genin—go to such hilarious lengths to see what I'm hiding."

He laughed with her, soft and low, a shared private joke warming the air between them, and when it ended, something had shifted. His smile faded, his lips slightly parted, gaze heavy. Her thoughts took a turn and she was suddenly, keenly aware of him beneath her. Wanting to lean up and kiss him, her mind still snagged on the teeth again and her private imaginings. "Have you ever? Bitten anyone, I mean?"

She supposed it might have been impertinent to ask, but he hadn't missed the breathy, huskiness of her voice, his eyes dilating noticeably. "Only once. I—" His throat bobbed. "Sometimes it feels reflexive…"

"Sometimes?"

He nodded slowly, eyes catching on hers, gauging her reaction, almost nervous. Oh. "It… Well, it wasn't appreciated."

"Hm." She traced his lower lip with her index finger. "Was she special?"

He frowned slightly, shaking his head. "No. I was just fifteen." Ah, his first, then. He probably hadn't expected the feeling. "There's… never been anyone special before, Sakura." The hand that had been in her hair cupped her face, drawing her closer. "You're special, Sakura. I—" His tongue darted out, licking his lips and she was sure she'd stopped breathing when it brushed the tip of her finger. His hooded gaze riveted on her lips as he leaned into her.

"Kakashi—" Sparks erupted behind her eyes, igniting a fire that raced across her skin and burned beneath her breast when he kissed her. It was not the tentative, shy first kiss of new lovers. Kakashi had been held under water, starved of oxygen, desperate to breathe again, and the touch of her lips filled his lungs. He kissed her like he'd been waiting for it his entire life. It was tender, it was urgent, fervent.

Sakura could have wept from the intensity. Instead, she met him there, kissing him back with just as much as he gave. Drowning in him. Her hands dug into his hair, keeping him close, not giving him the chance to retreat an inch. He belonged to her. She would never give him up.

And she was his, irrevocably.

At some point, she had shifted again, straddling him, pressing against him everywhere they touched. One large hand slid down her back, searing even through the suddenly too thick fabric of her dress, needing her closer. When she nipped his lip with her teeth, he groaned, his voice ragged as he spoke. "I want, Sakura. I want you, I need you." She whimpered as he softly kissed the corner of her mouth, along her jaw, his teeth grazing the thin skin of her neck before returning to press his very soul into her lips. "Sakura—" He held her face in his hands, his dark eyes bearing everything to her. "I don't know if this ever would have happened had we not found ourselves here, if I would have one day been able to look at you as I do now. I don't care. I love you, Sakura… gods, I love you."

She clung to him, desperate. Everything was in this moment, nothing else mattered but him. "I love you too, Kakashi." She pulled his mouth back to hers, the kiss deep but brief.

"I don't ever want to let you go, Sakura, not for cherries or anyone else." He pressed his forehead against hers, his dark eyes earnest. "This family that we have together, I want it. I want you to be mine—my wife, if you'd have me."

A watery, gasping laugh escaped the torrent of hot bliss that had overwhelmed her. "I want that too. I don't ever want to leave you, and I want to be your wife, Kakashi. I want you as my husband. But, who would marry us? To everyone else, we already are."

His brows knit in thought. "Hm, that's true. Then, all that really matters now is what's between us. I can speak our vows to you, alone…" his thumb brushed across her lips, eliciting a shiver, "I'll take you to our bed and make you my wife in the only way that's left."

Her stomach clenched with desire and anticipation. "Then make me your wife, Kakashi, please."

With a needy, euphoric groan, he slid his hands around her thighs and stood, carrying her to their room.

The lazily floating lightning bugs, the glinting stars, and the Kami long honored by his clan, all bore witness to their sacred union through an open shōgi screen. There were no shrine maidens nor priests, no shared saké or heavy silks, but in their marriage bed they were joined, vows whispered against bare skin. Forsaking all others. One flesh, she was his, and he belonged to her completely, until death parted them and they found one another again in the Pure Lands.

.

.

.

They lay together for nearly an hour after, dozing, touching, kissing, Kakashi dragging his tongue—peppering kisses, just a little obsessed—over the half-healed place he'd bitten her. It had been the most delicious kind of pain, better than she'd imagined. She would to let it scar, she was meant to, he'd said. She wanted to see it and be reminded of this night—of him—every time she saw herself.

"It means you're mine, my… my mate. It's something we do, apparently, Hatakes. I never knew, never understood the reflex…"

Sakumo had cornered him in the kitchen a few days before when she had been napping with Tenzō. In what Kakashi described as the most uncomfortable conversation of his life, his father had given him a Hatake sex talk. As awkward as it was, Kakashi was glad someone had finally explained the intense desire he had always felt to bite, to claim.

That first time, his partner, who had been quite a few years older, had barely felt the prick of his fangs before she'd nearly broken his nose. It was the first and last time he had ever let a woman see his face—until her. Sakura hated to think about a young, intensely lonely Kakashi, trying to find what little warmth and comfort he could, only to feel shame and embarrassment over something that was so innate, so special. But, she supposed, it made what they had that much more precious.

"We're meant to pair bond, to mate for life. It's hard to explain, but I feel… settled. Moored." He kissed the place again. "Thank you, Sakura."

She smiled, feeling the warm hum of his chakra beneath her skin where he'd bitten her, and snuggled closer. Settled. Yes.

Sometime around midnight, Tenzō finally woke up, crying and looking for them. Kakashi kissed her one last time before dragging himself from bed, tugging on his pants and going to get him. Sakura pulled on his shirt and ran to the bathroom. When she got back, they were waiting for her. Her sleepy little boy snuggled into her chest, plush dog under one arm, and sighed contentedly.

Kakashi watched them, his wife, his son. They were his family. She reached for him, pulling him down to her, kissing him softly. "I love you."

His lips stretched into a sleepy smile, nuzzling his forehead against hers. "I love you, too."

A/N A note on Tenzo/Yamato. His character in the anime/manga makes no sense. Like at all. It is cannon that he was kept by Orochimaru until he was 5. (Its murky where he came from and how old he was when he was captured but it seems, based on the manga that he was a baby) We know that people that spend their first few years isolated from affection and care and all the things babies need are severely mentally stunted. Yamato should have been extremely mentally handicapped and in need of full time care akin to the tragic cases of children adopted from former soviet bloc countries. But, so then should have Naruto lol. Anyway, that's the framework I started with when I sat down to write him in this. I wanted to find a medium between reality and his cannon character. It would have made MORE sense for him to be more afraid of touch and sensory input and people etc, but A) I am writing this for free and the amount of time I would have wanted to spend on research to get that right was just, not something I am gonna do for free, and I didn't want to half ass something like that. and B) I didn't want his recovery to take over the story and be super sad. I need to get through this to plot and the rest of the story, plus I want fluff. It was easier to write him as a sensory seeker than avoidant. Did I do a perfect job with it? No. Am I happy with it, especially considering his character in the manga/show? Yes.