"I don't think you do understand, Hermione," Harry found himself saying. Despite a personal vow that he'd say whatever Hermione wanted to hear. He'd become quite fond of his only female friend, especially when she was turned away and picking up her books, or leaning towards him to see his homework, both of which she did quite often.

Fortunately, Hermione had a brief bout of sanity, and they decided to take the issue to the house elves themselves. Even more fortunately, the first two elves they encountered were Dobby and Winky. Well, Winky was there because she was too depressed to work with the other Hogwarts elves, and Dobby was there to care for Winky, so, really, it wasn't fortunate at all, but it was handy.

Dobby conferred with the other elves, and then said that Harry and Hermione should join him and the Hogwarts Head Elf at dawn for a journey into the Forbidden Forest, past the Centaur Ceremonial Grounds, through the Crystal Cave of the Unicorns and into the Underground Grove of the High Elves. There they would meet the Top Elf, who preserved the Lore of the Elven.

And so it fell out. Yawning and stumbling, the two investigators made quick time to the grove, as both the centaurs and the unicorns chased them out of their demesnes, and both were swift and powerful foes. Harry ended up having to put murtlap on Hermione in a tender place, but he was always happy to help.

Not only were the ears of the Top Elf obviously fake, but his beard was somehow familiar to Harry, as were his twinkling eyes. Dobby and Tipsy the Hogwarts Head Elf were just as obviously impressed by his enormous height by elf standards, and his demonstrated ability to use a wand.

The Top Elf explained to them that the reasons the elves needed to be servants to a wizard were lost in the mists of antiquity, but no one wanted to sacrifice a house elf's life and magic to test whether the requirement still existed. "Would you wish to pick an elf to suffer that fate, Missy Granger?" he said, giving the girl a knowing look.

Harry was biting his tongue all the way back to the castle. Surprisingly, they were met at the entrance by Headmaster Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall, the former being for some reason a bit out of breath.

It turned out the walk had cleared Hermione's head as well as Harry's, as she looked to be full of sceptical questions. When she would have begun, the headmaster simply puffed out that there were many mysteries Magic and Hogwarts did not give up to the wizarding world, the joy of service was a beautiful thing, and so on.

When she still didn't seem impressed, Dumbledore stood back and they rolled out the big guns.

"Miss Granger, Mr Potter, the simple fact is that house elves must serve, and you are endangering them with wild ideas that don't suit them!" Professor McGonagall said, forcefully,

Hermione's expression changed immediately. She turned to Harry and said, "See, Harry, there was nothing wrong all along! After all, Professor McGonagall is not only the Deputy Headmistress - she's our Head of House!"

Getting a little fed up, Harry was about to pop the bubble on the whole operation, when he reconsidered:

He was making Hermione happy by bowing to her newfound wisdom

He could have a bound house-elf in Dobby, which would make him safer, happier and more effective.

The powers-that-be at Hogwarts wouldn't have any reason to retaliate against him for queering their pitch.

Against all that, the Truth was in many ways small beer.

Thus, "Yes, Hermione," was his only reply.

Over her shoulder, he saw Dumbledore smirking. He pointed to himself and McGonagall, held his hands out as if they were dripping something, then wiped them on his robes. When the professor looked at him curiously, he mimed putting elf ears on, at which gesture his deputy laughed.

"Yours aren't any cleaner than ours!" was the clear message.

Well, reflected Harry, sometimes the straightest path runs through the mud.

At least they ended up in a good place - the Room of Requirement in a beach setting, with Hermione in a bikini feeding Harry the grapes Dobby and Winky were peeling for him.

All was well.