Chapter 17: the death of stars

Kuroo was doing okay. He pondered the question at length, and that was the conclusion he had drawn from his emotional state, admittedly hazy and strangely silent, but not devastated nonetheless. A week had passed since his last encounter with Akaashi, and he was... relatively okay. After all, 1200 stars were exploding every passing second, and he had not exploded yet, that was something! Yes, some might argue that stars are just big sky rocks far far away and their explosion is not that devastating, but still… he didn't explode!

People were dying each passing second, 1.8 persons exactly, every second! That was devastating, right? And guess what? He didn't die! He didn't explode, and he didn't die! Conclusion: everything was just fine! He could even say that he was happy, unlike… dead people. Well, dead people are neither happy nor unhappy really, they're just… And exploding stars were not… unhappy either… And supernovas are pretty neat really… Kuroo shook his head to get out of his mind side-tracking.

Anyway… He was okay, that was it really, he was... he was fine.

And even if he wasn't feeling great, he still told himself that he needed to toughen up a bit. He was past the age of stressing over boys. Boys who were quite charming, yes… But that didn't diminish the rather untragic nature of the situation. He had considered the idea of retreating to a temple, hoping it would help him reconnect with the "primordial aspects of existence." He had spoken several times with his sisters on the phone, realizing in the process that stressing over boys was a family affair. Maybe a temple stay for the whole family would benefit them? He needed to look into it.

Once this little introspective point was made, he got up, like someone who was perfectly fine; took a lukewarm shower, like someone who was relatively fine; dressed, like an individual with a stable emotional state, and went to the university, like the student eager to learn he was, which was overall positive. Upon arriving at the university, he began to play his favorite game, which consisted of avoiding anyone vaguely looking like Bokuto or Akaashi. Not that he was avoiding them, but he didn't want to show off how well he was doing. And fortunately for them, he made it to class without crossing paths with them. He listened attentively to the lecture and finally stopped wondering every second if he was okay.

His applied physics course in biological systems was as effective as the temple for reconnecting him with the "primordial aspects of existence." The end of the morning came very quickly. He was the only one from his friendly microcosm attending this class; Chris and Oikawa would only arrive in the early afternoon. So, he sent a message to Yamaguchi to see if he was on campus so they could have lunch together. Not that he didn't want to be alone with his thoughts, no , he just needed to maintain a healthy relationship with his friends! The young man's company was charming and always enjoyable, and if his mate could join as well, it would only make things better. The more the merrier, right?

He joined the two of them at the university cafeteria, and they had a pleasant time together, which proved that Kuroo was indeed in a very good mood.

Once their meal was finished, they went to sit next to the science building to have a coffee in the sun and to continue their chat peacefully. The couple had started a debate on a nebulous topic that Kuroo didn't quite understand, probably some geeky stuff. He didn't mind and was happy just listening to them. He only broke away from their discussion when he felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. His heart leaped... but wait! A normal leap, a small leap like that of a baby rabbit, a leap that naturally occurs when you realize that a dear friend has sent you a message.

"Why are you smiling like an idiot?" Tsukishima asked him.

Kuroo looked up, barely taking note of the tone, and simply replied, "Kenma sent me a text."

"Oh! What does he want?" Yamaguchi hurriedly asked.

"He's asking if I'm on campus, he's around I guess."

Kuroo looked up, feeling an insistent gaze on him. Yamaguchi was looking at him with a teasing look, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

"What?"

"Hmm, Kenma?"

Kuroo tried to suppress the blush rising to his cheeks, but controlling his emotional responses wasn't really his specialty.

"What ?"

The young man continued teasing him with his cursed eyebrows.

"What?"

"Kenma..."

"Stop doing that..."

Yamaguchi got up to dance around him.

"So, are you going to tell him?"

"Tell him what?"

"That your little heart goes boom boom for him and that you get butterflies in your stomach when you see him!"

Kuroo rolled his eyes.

"No."

"Hmm, I see, I see, you're waiting for the right moment, nice move."

"No... I'm just not going to tell him."

Yamaguchi stopped and frowned.

"What? But why?"

Kuroo sighed.

"Because."

"Because what?"

Now Tsukki was getting involved.

Yamaguchi grabbed his arm, and upon meeting his gaze, Kuroo understood that the question was sincere and no longer part of the game.

"Because… Just, because, I've done enough damage already."

"You're really not going to tell him?"

"No..."

An insistent silence lingered.

"It's okay, it's not the end of the world, I'd rather keep things that way. I don't want to lose him."

"Oh... Kuroo, I..."

"Well, I'll call him," the brunet interrupted.

He dialed the number and brought the phone close to his ear. He almost dropped the device when he saw the bush in front of him start to move. A bird emerged from it and took off.

"Hello."

Kuroo smiled upon hearing Kenma's voice.

"Hey, everything okay? You sound out of breath."

"...I'm fine."

"So, are you nearby? Where are you?"

After a brief pause, Kenma replied:

"In front of building C."

"Oh, I'm right next to it, I'll be there."

"Okay, I'll wait for you, see you soon."

"See you."

Kuroo hung up, gathered his belongings from the wall where his friends were sitting, making sure not to meet their eyes, and thanked them before heading towards the building. The conversation had affected his mood, and he felt a heavy, oppressive feeling rising within him. To somewhat block it out, he quietly hummed "tututulu". He fell silent when he spotted Kenma in the distance. The heavy sensation in his chest melted away in an instant, replaced by a sparkling lightness. He waved , but Kenma swept his gaze across space without seeing him and looked in the opposite direction. He gave up on calling out to him and trotted cheerfully towards him. As he was just a few steps away, Kenma turned his head, and he met his gaze. Kuroo smiled without even thinking about it and saw his friend's features soften.

"Hey!" he greeted once he reached him.

"Hey."

Silence settled for a moment.

"So, what are you doing around here?"

"Uh... I had to drop something off, and I have some time on my hands, so..."

Kuroo didn't ask any further questions and simply responded "cool," before letting out a huge smile. He casually surveyed his friend's appearance. Considering his outfit, he eventually asked him,

"Is that a skirt?"

Kenma glanced at it before meeting Kuroo's gaze again.

"Yeah," he simply replied.

The brunet examined the garment: a black pleated skirt reaching down to his calf.

"Nice... does it have pockets?"

"Of course," Kenma said while giving him a demo.

"Wow..."

Kenma smirked.

"Jealous ?."

"Big time."

"Hum, didn't think you were into that aesthetic."

"Well, ever since I accidentally wore something that could pass for a dress all day, and only received compliments, I'm starting to consider expanding my wardrobe."

Kenma raised an eyebrow before chuckling.

"You think it's funny? I swear, I kept getting compliments!"

"Pfft, no, I just have a feeling there's another one of your insane stories behind it."

"Ah, yeah, well guessed..." the brunet admitted, scratching the back of his neck.

"Go on, tell me."

Kuroo smiled before narrating to him the tale of the thieving crow. Kenma burst into laughter, and Kuroo felt his heart doing somersaults in his chest.

"Classic. How did it end? "

"Uh... the bird flew away, I fell out of the tree, and... at the bottom of the tree, I bumped into... a friend who helped me up, and then, I kind of gave up."

Kenma gave him a stern look.

"What?"

"That means you didn't get the bracelet back?"

"No, I know, it sucks... I had forgotten about that thing for years, but I already miss it."

"Do you think it's still there?"

"Where?"

"In the crow's nest!"

"I don't know, maybe..."

Kenma narrowed his eyes.

"What are you thinking?"

"We need to go get it back."

Kuroo chuckled.

"Alright."

"Do you remember where it was?"

"Yeah."

"Let's go then," the blonde said before setting off.

The brunet followed, amused. He had to quicken his pace to catch up and guide him on the path to the thieving crow's nest. It wasn't until they were a few steps away from the tree that he began to worry about running into Akaashi. Not that he was avoiding him, but he didn't necessarily want to bump into him now. He paced around, pretending not to recognize the tree anymore until he could confirm that the place they were looking for was free from any human presence. Once he confirmed that the coast was clear, he guided Kenma there.

"Here we are, the crime scene."

Kenma nodded and surveyed the foliage.

"The nest is there," the blonde said, pointing to the base of a branch above their heads.

"Oh, yeah."

Kenma tapped his shoulder.

"Lift me up, I'll go get it."

Kuroo laughed, amused to see him so involved.

"Okay."

Kenma signaled that he needed to kneel. Once done, the blonde sat on his shoulders.

"Now, stand up."

Kuroo complied, Kenma wasn't very heavy, which made the task easier.

"Okay, give me your hands so I can stand up."

"Ha, have you been training with Cirque du Soleil lately?"

"Shut up and help me!" the blonde replied, his voice betraying his amusement.

Kuroo complied and grabbed Kenma's hands to help him stand up. Once the latter managed to stand on his shoulders, he grabbed his calves to support him.

"Wait, lift your skirt, I can't see a thing!"

"You don't need to see," the blonde retorted, still adjusting the fabric to avoid obstructing the brunet's vision.

"Do you see anything?"

"Yeah, the nest."

"So?"

"There's nothing in it."

"Oh, damn it."

"Oh, wait! I can see it!"

"What?"

"The bracelet!"

"Oh! Where is it?"

"Hanging on a small branch higher up."

That sneaky crow hadn't even bothered to take care of its property...

"Can you reach it?"

"No, it's too far. Wait, step back."

Kuroo complied, making sure not to make Kenma tip over.

"Okay, I'm close, but I'll have to turn around."

"What?!"

"Don't worry."

Raising his head, Kuroo noticed that the blonde had clung to the main branch. He lifted his weight to be able to move his body and position himself with his back facing the trunk. Once done, he rested his feet on Kuroo's shoulders. The brunet held on, although the position was much less stable this way. The situation became critical when the blonde leaned over to reach for the branch.

"Kenma, I won't hold much longer!"

"I almost got it..."

"Uh, Ken..."

Kuroo wavered, feeling Kenma start to tilt. Realizing the fall was inevitable, Kuroo tried to shift their balance. He managed to grab Kenma's thighs, but the momentum pulled them both down. Kuroo landed hard on his back, the impact reverberating through his chest. Kenma fell on top of him, knocking the breath out of his lungs.

"Are you okay?"

Kuroo opened his eyes. Kenma was okay.

"I'm fine, you?"

"Yeah."

They looked at each other before bursting into laughter.

"You always have the must fuckup ideas," the blonde commented.

"What! It was your idea!"

Kenma rolled his eyes, and they burst into laughter once again.

Silence fell, and Kenma let his head fall back onto the brunet's chest. Kuroo smiled and looked up at the sky, not caring much that his heart was racing, even though he knew perfectly well that it had nothing to do with the shock he had just experienced. They stayed like that for a while.

"You won't lose me."

Kenma had just whispered. Kuroo frowned, not quite sure he had understood correctly... His mind was certainly playing tricks on him:

"What?"

"You won't lose it," the blonde repeated.

Ah, that sounded a bit better.

"Lose what?"

Silence. Kuroo looked down at Kenma. The latter smiled at him and opened his hand. Inside, Kuroo discovered his bracelet.

"Oh! You got it!"

Kenma nodded. Kuroo hugged him and rested his head on his. His childhood friend chuckled but allowed it. Finally, Kuroo sat up straight. He retrieved the bracelet and put it back on his wrist.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome, pigeon head."

Kuroo sulked, pretending to be offended.

"Onion head," he signed, borrowing Hinata's favorite insult for the occasion.

Kenma raised an eyebrow, and to Kuroo's greatest surprise, he replied:

"Onion head yourself, pigeon head."

Kuroo was speechless:

"Damn, I didn't expect you to understand."

"Too bad, you guessed wrong."

"Hmm... interesting..."

"Hmm..."

"Onion head," Kuroo reiterated.

Kenma rolled his eyes, and they laughed.

Kuroo was sure now: right there, right now, he was feeling great.

-/-

But what was happiness after all? That was a subjective and vast concept! Kuroo had had enough philosophy classes in his life to realize that. If he relied on a Western definition, happiness then denoted a sort of continuous state of absolute satisfaction, so no, he wasn't really happy, but few could boast the contrary. Considering his own cultural prism, happiness could be associated with the concept of ikigai, the pursuit of a reason to live. Ikigai requires continual introspection and the identification of one's passions. It was more of a process than a state in itself... Kuroo was in perpetual introspection... It was certainly somewhat paradoxical on his part, but wasn't he then happy because he was engaged in the pursuit of this happiness? Didn't they say "It's not the destination that matters, it's the journey"? In that case then...

"You're awfully quiet, what are you thinking about?"

Kuroo abruptly snapped out of his thoughts. He turned his gaze towards Oikawa, walking beside him.

"Hmm... Ikigai. I was wondering if happiness lies in the pursuit of it rather than in the state itself and... hmm..."

Kuroo didn't continue, Oikawa was looking at him, his eyes reflecting an emotion between bewilderment and disdain.

"You just went to pee and that's really what's on your mind?"

"Yes," the brunet replied.

"If happiness lies in the pursuit of a state and not in the state itself, can we really say that happiness exists? A quest for something substantially non-existent. Happiness would then be found in the acceptance of our existence's absurdity."

Kuroo glanced over. Chris had just spoken in one go, without changing tone or expression, still looking straight ahead.

"Uh..." he turned to the chestnut-haired one "See ? He gets me."

"You guys are nuts..."

As Kuroo was about to reply, he froze. He had just recognized a silhouette in the distance. Instinctively, he turned and went in the opposite direction. His friends, initially surprised, eventually caught up with him.

"What are you doing? We said we were going to the library!"

"Um, I changed my mind... Go without me, I'll see you later."

Oikawa, initially incredulous, turned his head to try to see what Kuroo had seen to react like that.

"Isn't that Bokuto over there? Oh oh, are you avoiding him?" he exclaimed, slightly scandalized.

"No."

"You're clearly avoiding him."

"No, it's just that..."

"That you're avoiding him."

"No! I, well, yes, but temporarily, just until, uh, I figure out how to talk to him again."

"You still haven't talked to him !"

"Um, no... I just need to find the right moment."

"Dude, he's your friend! Not cool, just own up to it!"

"That doesn't change anything, I just need to, to sort things out in my head and..."

"Kuroo?" Chris interrupted.

"Hm?"

"Are you avoiding Akaashi-san too?"

"I'm not avoiding him, I just..."

"Because he's heading straight towards us."

Kuroo stiffened instantly and pivoted to the left, heading towards buildings he had never had the chance to visit. What a fantastic opportunity!

"You're such a jerk, damn it," Oikawa threw at him, while following him.

"He saw us?"

"No," Chris lied. He had caught Akaashi's gaze when Kuroo changed direction, so he was certain that the latter had understood what was going on.

Kuroo let out a sigh.

"Dude, you can't spend your life avoiding them!"

"Why not? The campus is big, it's not like I'm going to run into them all the time."

Oikawa crossed his arms.

"You're right, what just happened is a good example."

"Oh, come on! I just need... time."

"You had time! It's one thing for Akaashi, but for Bokuto, that's just not fare!"

"Why do you care?"

"Why? Hey, remember who cheered you up ? Plus, even if I don't show it, I have something called empathy! I can put myself in his shoes. It would really piss me off if one day you started avoiding me without me understanding why! Not like you could really avoid me anyway, but still!"

"Why?"

"Because you're my friend, you bowl of wet noodles! Why the fuck are you so dumb?"

Kuroo let out a silly smile.

"Ow, you're my friend too!"

"I sure hope so!"

"So cute!"

"Oh, fuck you," the chestnut-haired yelled as Kuroo headed towards him with open arms to hug him.

Oikawa crossed his arms and went to sit on the stairs. Kuroo approached, and his friend growled. Kuroo chuckled and sat down on the step where he had placed his legs. He rested his forehead on the Oikawa's knee before straightening up. Oikawa growled again but quickly stopped, the display of affection having the desired effect.

"You're a real piece of work, you know that ?" Oikawa concluded.

"I know."

"What are you going to do then?"

Kuroo looked up at Chris, who had just joined them.

"I don't know... For Akaashi, well... we both know what happened and... we'll see. But for Bokuto... Oikawa is right, I've been overthinking it on my own, he shouldn't have to deal the consequences of my own actions... But I also don't want to talk to him about it... I just want everything to go back to how it was before, but... But right now, I don't know if I can make that happen..."

"Okay..."

"So what do we do then? We have class in an hour."

"Weather's nice, why don't we just stay here?"

"Hmm..."

Oikawa took out his computer from his bag.

"Oh, so we're studying then?" asked Kuroo.

"Well, that was the plan," Oikawa replied.

"Or we could play Daifugō," Chris suggested, "I have a deck of cards."

Oikawa closed his computer and stowed it away in an instant.

"Alright, deal the cards, I'm going to crush you guys."

Kuroo laughed, and Chris rolled his eyes.

"We'll see about that!"

-/-

They almost arrived late to their class after that.

Class had finished 10 minutes ago, but they were still in the lecture hall, waiting for Oikawa to copy a diagram from Kuroo's note.

"Oh come on! What is taking you so long?! Are you copying this diagram or painting the ceiling of the Sixtine Chapel!"

"Fuck you," just answered Oikawa.

"Take a picture, I don't know!"

"Oh come one! Just one more minute! Do you need to take a train or something?!"

"No, but we should hurry or we will be late to our microbiology lab" Chris intervened.

Oikawa's eyes widened.

"Crap! I forgot about that!"

"Oh, I forgot you had that class. Have your labs already started?"

"Yes, haven't yours?"

Kuroo had a moment of panic, terrified at the thought of having missed multiple graded practical works without realizing it. After checking, he found that wasn't the case. He sighed with relief, glad he hadn't unintentionally messed up his semester.

"Ok! I'm done! Here!" Oikawa said, giving him his notebook back before rushing out of the lecture hall.

Chris and Kuroo looked at each other, amused, and followed Oikawa outside. They found him in front of the building:

"Come on, let's move!"

Chris nodded and joined him, waving goodbye.

Kuroo waved back and watched them walk away. He stood in front of the building for a while, unable to pinpoint what was keeping him from leaving. It wasn't until about five minutes later that he decided to walk to the subway station. However, he stopped again after taking a few steps. His heart did a flip when he spotted Bokuto in the distance. The latter was looking around as if searching for something, or... someone. His heartbeat quickened, and he turned on his heels to walk in the opposite direction. After all, the subway must be crowded at this hour; he would probably be better off walking. He moved at a leisurely pace because he wasn't in a hurry, that's all, not because he thought that if he picked up the pace, he would be more easily spotted—that would be foolish of him. And being spotted? The word was a bit strong; it's not like Bokuto was following him. He blended into the crowd of students leaving class and discreetly turned his head. He realized that, on the contrary, he had indeed been followed. However, Bokuto seemed to have momentarily lost sight of him, and Kuroo took advantage of that to make a run for it. He only stopped when he arrived behind the building. He caught his breath, and considered the extent of his foolishness, but quickly pushed that thought away, completely nullified by his power of self-persuasion.

And what if he went for a little jog ! In jeans, yes, what a great idea! He emerged from his hiding spot and began to jog towards the pond. Perhaps it wasn't very friendly of him, he was aware of that. He knew full well that he had to stop avoiding his friend, but he needed to talk to him first, and it was absolutely not the right time for it! However, the further he went, the more foolish he felt. He still had the option to stop and act natural: "Oh bro, what are you doing here? I didn't see you earlier."

Yeah, and maybe Bokuto wasn't even looking for him, and there's no way he was following him, right? He turned around again to find that the young man was still behind him. He jumped. This time their eyes met. Bokuto seemed to be fully aware of what he was doing and didn't seem happy about it. Kuroo stopped jogging and started running.

"What are you doing, idiot! Stop!" he screamed internally. But he didn't slow down. He no longer had the option to act like nothing happened; he was busted for good. "Stop! Stop!" His legs refused to obey.

"Kuroo!" he heard shouted from behind.

Startled, he sped up. But what exactly was he doing? Besides, he had seen Bokuto running abilities: he knew perfectly well that he was faster than him and that he would eventually catch up to him. He knew he had to stop ! He had no excuse, he was just running his friendship! But he didn't have the strength to do it, he didn't have the strength to confront him, to act like nothing was wrong, or to clarify the situation. Not now, not there. He began to zigzag between the trees, hoping that this would allow him to escape his pursuer. He finally caught sight of the small gym and rushed towards it at full speed. He didn't stop until the door closed behind him. He was out of breath, and his body was so filled with adrenaline that his legs were shaky and his head was spinning. He discreetly cracked the door open, hoping to have lost his pursuer. It wasn't the case; not only had Bokuto seen him enter the gymnasium, he was now heading towards the door like a bull ready to enter the arena and smash everything in its path.

"Shit," Kuroo muttered.

He leaped and headed towards the showers. He heard the door open as he was in the middle of the field. By an unexplained reflex, he took out his phone from his pocket, pretending to be talking to someone.

"Yes mom, I've already told you, I..."

"Kuroo!" Bokuto yelled.

Kuroo was completely off track, but now that he was racing down the slope, he couldn't stop.

"Oh, Bo, uh, I'm on the phone, I..."

He stopped. As he was turning, he met his friend's gaze. The latter stood in front of him, his face twisted with rage and sorrow. Seeing him like this disarmed Kuroo. He let his arms fall. He couldn't tear his gaze away from his friend's now.

"What the hell, Kuroo, why are you avoiding me?"

"I'm not avoiding you, Bo..."

"Stop bullshiting me alright ?"

Bokuto's shout echoed against the walls. Kuroo was completely shaken by it.

"Well, okay, yes, but... It's just that, I, it's just that... not now."

"Not now what?"

Bokuto shouted again. He managed to grab hold of a ball lying on the ground and threw it at the brunet, who narrowly dodged the projectile.

"I thought we were friends, damn it! Why are you doing this to me?"

Kuroo felt like he'd been slapped. He closed his eyes and lowered his head.

"I know, Bo, but... I can't right now."

He spoke softly, almost in a whisper.

"You can't right now?"

The brunet looked up when he heard Bokuto's voice lose its intensity, broken by the resonance of his tears. He flinched as he met his counterpart's gaze again: Bokuto had burst into tears. His gaze still pierced him, and Kuroo could read in his eyes his rage and his pain. His throat tightened, and he felt tears welling up in his eyes, devastated to see that he had put someone so dear to him in such a state.

"Bokuto..."

This time Kuroo couldn't dodge the ball and it hit him in the head. How many of his things were still lying around?

"Bo, wait, I..."

"You promised me, damn it!"

Bokuto's voice resonated all around.

Kuroo frowned.

"What are you talking about?"

"You promised! You promised that nothing would change between us!"

Kuroo remained momentarily speechless. What was he talking about exactly?

"You promised..."

He then remembered the conversation they had had together in front of the arcade center: "Promise me that... that even though you know my secondary now, nothing will change between us." The realization shook him. He felt his heart twist and crash in his chest. Damn it!

"No, no, Bo, I swear it's not that!"

Bokuto didn't listen and turned on his heels. However, he stopped before even taking a step forward.

"I trusted you ! Like an idiot, I trusted you! You're just like the others, damn it! Just because... just because I'm..."

He heard him choke out another burst of tears and saw him walk away. Kuroo finally reacted and ran towards him :

"No, I swear! It's not because of that, Bo, I don't give a damn about your..."

He fell silent. As he was just a few inches away, Bokuto had turned around, his eyes filled with rage.

"Oh yeah? Doesn't seem like it! You don't care as long as it's not visible and you can ignore it, but the moment you find out I'm mated, then it becomes too real for you and you leave me hanging!"

Kuroo flinched. Oh... So he had understood that learning he had a mate had pushed him away. He sighed.

"It's not because of that..."

The blood was pounding so loudly in his temples that he could barely hear his own voice.

"You're lying! As long as you could ignore it, you didn't care, but now that you see it, you think I'm just a damn fucking disgusting omega!"

The words fell so brutally that Kuroo was left breathless. He was devastated that Bokuto could think that was how he saw him. Devastated that he made someone so wonderful feel so bad about himself.

"No, Bo, I would never..."

His voice was almost a whisper.

"Stop it! Stop lying to me."

Bokuto turned away again to leave. Before he could take a step, Kuroo grabbed him by the arm to hold him back.

"I'm not lying to you!"

Bo broke free from his grip, turned around, and pushed him back.

"You just said you couldn't be my friend with me anymore!"

"Yeah, I said that but..."

"But what ? You really think I..."

Bokuto fell silent. Kuroo had let go. He had broken down in tears, heavy and silent. Bokuto stared at him, and Kuroo weakly smiled, the sadness he reflected diluting the rage of his counterpart.

"Because I wanted to be more than that."

"More than what?"

"Than just your friend."

Bokuto's arms fell limply at his sides.

"What?"

Kuroo sniffled loudly. He looked away for a moment, then brought his gaze back to Bokuto.

"I'm sorry... That's why I reacted like that when I realized that... well, you know. I thought I could pretend like everything was okay, but I can't. It's stupid... And it kills me that ," Kuroo had to contain the tears welling up in his eyes. "that you could think that... I'm just so selfish damn it, and I don't know what I want, and... I'm sorry if I hurt you... I have no excuse for that."

Bokuto still said nothing, visibly stunned by what was happening.

"You're such an amazing person, Bo, it kills me that you could feel so bad because of my bullshit... I... I'm sorry. I..."

He didn't finish. Bokuto had just pulled him close to hug him. Kuroo gasped in surprise. He gave up holding back his tears and hugged him back.

Bokuto eventually pulled away from him, enough to face him. He released his arms from behind his back and placed his hands on Kuroo's face.

"Don't cry," he murmured as he wiped away his tears.

"Too late, it's already out, it won't stop now," the brunet joked.

After a few seconds, he continued:

"I'm sorry, bro, for messing everything up like this..."

"Don't apologize..."

Bokuto smiled at him. Kuroo smiled back. They remained like that, unable to break away from each other's gaze. Kuroo felt Bokuto's heartbeat resonating against his chest, singing in unison with his own. He didn't understand what was happening, but the sensation was dizzying.

1, 2, 3 seconds. Somewhere in the universe, 3600 stars had just exploded.

Their gazes intensified, initiating a silent yet rich dialogue.

1, 2, 3 seconds, 180,000 stars had just been born.

Bokuto leaned in, and Kuroo let him. The brunet released himself from their embrace to place his hands behind his neck. Bokuto wrapped his arm around his back to pull him closer, and they met.

1, 2, 3, 4: 240,000 planets had just formed, some at the right distance from their star to witness the emergence of life.

The kiss came to an end.

They quickly realized what had just happened. They split up, looking at each other with eyes as wide as saucers, both bewildered by what they had just done. Started a staring contest, two owls caught in the headlights of a car.

"Uh...," the brunet began.

"Uh...," Bokuto echoed in response. "I... I have to go!"

And before Kuroo could say anything, he saw him dart away at full speed.

Kuroo just stood there, in the middle of the gymnasium.

1, 2, 3.

360 black holes had just been born.

-end of the chapter-

Next chapter: "Sentimental paradox"

"Who is it?"

"Kenma..."

"And?"

"Uh, nothing, just... not now"

Kuroo's phone almost slipped from his hands several times. In one of his attempts to grab it, he accidentally pressed on the screen:

"Hey! Ji?"

Kuroo panicked upon hearing Kenma's voice. What was it supposed to do? He couldn't just hang up like that!

In a last desperate attempt, he replied, "Oh, sorry, I'm going under a bridge," and tossed his cell phone as far away as possible. Kuroo grimaced when he heard it crash to the ground.

"What the heck is wrong with you!" exclaimed Oikawa.

See you!