Come for the Wings, Stay for the Thighs
"Ugh Wally seriously? You chose Hooters of all places to have lunch?"
"C'mon Dick. Give it a shot. I'm in the mood for hot wings anyway."
"Wally, no one comes to Hooters for chicken wings. They all come for the eye candy."
"Oh? And how would you know that?" Wally smirked and poked at Dick's shoulder.
"EVERYONE KNOWS THAT!"
On this peculiar afternoon, Wally had indeed invited Dick out to lunch. A little bro-to-bro catching up to do so he said. It had been a while since the two best friends had a chance to just hang out, especially since Wally retired from hero work and Dick got promoted to team leader. Reluctantly, Dick sat down with Wally at a booth. As he opened the menu, Dick realized a minor reason why Wally chose to dine at this establishment.
"Unlimited wings for ten dollars!?"
"Hell yea man!" Wally raised his fists in excitement.
"That can't be right? There's no way Hooters could survive a promo for unlimited wings. Unlimited shrimp nearly killed Red Lobster."
"It sounds like you're just in disbelief that we came here for the wings."
"Again, no one comes to Hooters for the wings."
"A speedster will if he can have unlimited wings for ten dollars!"
As the two friends bickered over the real reason why they chose their lunch destination, two rather mysterious figures were tucked away in the corner on the other side of the restaurant. Close enough so they could see the boys, but far enough so they wouldn't be caught staring. Menus half-covered their faces while half-eaten celery sticks, and a basket of chicken bones laid on the table along with four cups of iced tea. The blonde looked over to her raven-haired friend with a raised eyebrow. The friend simply rolled her eyes.
TWO WEEKS AGO
"Zatanna, don't you think you're overreacting?" Artemis asked as she swirled her tea.
"I-I don't know? How am I supposed to feel when I barely see my boyfriend? And when I do, he's cheeky and friendly with other beautiful women?!"
It was true. With the absence of Kaldur, Dick's leadership duties increased almost tenfold. He was always a lead-by-example person, so most of the time he'd lead Alpha on many of the critical missions the League handed down to them. When he wasn't in the field, he was coordinating Alpha, Beta, Gamma, and sometimes even more teams back at the cave. Even off-duty, ever popular Nightwing took personal time to check up on team members and train with them. When it was the old team with Conner, M'gann, Kaldur, Raquel, Wally, and Arty, they were all friends. Zatanna never had to worry about Dick getting distracted, especially since she "trained" with him the most. But since Wally and Artemis retired to attend college and Kaldur took a sabbatical to grieve, the Team gained some….interesting recruits. Namely: Batgirl (aka Barbara Gordon aka Dick's childhood friend), Starfire (aka Kory who KISSED Dick upon arrival to Earth), Wonder Girl (aka Donna Troy yet another childhood friend), and Supergirl (aka Kara who struggled hiding her HUGE crush on Dick).
"I still think you're in your head too much," Artemis said as she handed Zatanna a cup of tea.
"Ok but did Batman really have to recruit that many WOMEN onto the Team? Were there literally no other teenage-ish superheroes on the planet?!"
"Ok but be logical here, 'Tanna. He's known Babs and Donna his whole life. If he wanted to get with either of them, he'd have done so by now. And Kara's just a fangirl infatuated with her first crush."
"And Kory?"
"…I got nothing. She's basically a supermodel. Fuck I'd hit that if I could."
"Artemis!"
"I'm just being honest!"
"Look, I love Dick. I really really do. But there's just something about him spending hours with those beautiful women in the gym. All that sweat and skimpy gym clothes. It doesn't sit well with me."
"….Wait a minute. I know what's going on here."
"Huh?"
"…..You and Dick haven't fucked in a very long time, haven't you?"
"I-I…."
"Don't play coy with me! You don't see him as often as you like and you're jealous that other women get to see him all sweaty and muscly and whatnot. He hasn't touched you in how long?"
"Grrr…17 days, 20 hours, and 6 minutes."
"I knew it!"
"It's not just that though! There's this banter he has with all those girls. He's so friendly."
"He's friendly to everyone," Artemis shrugged.
"Sigh…"
At this point, a breeze blew past the girls and almost made them spill their drinks. Wally had come home and immediately went to the kitchen. Annoyed, Artemis stomped her way towards her boyfriend.
"How many times do I have to tell you, Wally!? Stop bursting into the house like that!"
"Sorry Babe! I didn't know you and 'Tanna would still be here. I just wanted to make a quick pitstop before heading back to the lab."
"Ugh you speedsters and your bottomless pits you call stomachs."
"Hey Babe? What happened to the leftover chicken wings from last night?"
"What did you say?"
"Chicken wings. Y'know, from that new place near the campus store. I coulda sworn we still had some garlic parmesan and teriyaki wings."
"…..Chicken wings."
"Uhhh Artemis? You ok? 'Tanna did I break her?"
"I…don't know?" Zatanna shrugged.
"Zatanna. I know exactly how I'm going to prove to you that your boyfriend still loves you. And Wally's gonna help!"
"Wait? What's this about Dick not loving Zatanna!?"
PRESENT DAY
"Raeh morf rafa." (Hear from afar)
With a quick spell, Zee and Artemis were able to hear everything the boys were talking about.
"Sooo," Wally started, "You and 'Tanna. Going strong hmm?"
"Yes. I'd say so," Dick shrugged.
"That all?"
"Yea. I haven't seen her lately though. Honestly the team just keeps me busy," Dick stretched.
"Really? With what? Barry says things have kinda mellowed out for the moment."
"Oh yea we haven't had a mission in a while."
"Soooo what's keeping you busy?"
"With Kaldur gone, someone's got to keep the team in shape."
"What do you mean?"
"I'm talking the new recruits. Babs, Donna, Kory and Kara."
"O-oh…" Wally stammered uncomfortably.
"Yea I mean Babs is still kinda new so I've had to train her a bit more personally. Donna's an Amazon, but she says I'm the only sparring partner that challenges her properly. So we go at it a lot. Like oh man sessions sometimes take hours. And then Kory's still getting used to Earth, so I took her around a few places."
"Wait…..you've been taking Kory out?!" Wally was stunned.
"Yea. Educational stuff though. Museums, monuments, national parks. Cultural stuff."
Meanwhile, back with the inconspicuous girls, Zatanna was fuming. Despite hiding behind laminated menus, she gripped the plastic so hard it was cracking and bending. Artemis could practically hear her friend's teeth grinding themselves into dust.
"'Tanna…..Zatanna," Artemis whispered, "You need to calm down."
"Do you hear what he's saying. Personal training with Barbara?! Sessions with Donna that take hours!? DATES WITH KORY!?"
"I- well maybe those aren't dates? Maybe he really was just showing her around Earth?"
"I even took her to an onsen," Dick said so casually.
"Wait…..AN ONSEN?! You took Kory to AN ONSEN!? Like those Japanese bathhouses where you have to bathe NAKED?"
"The very same," Dick smirked.
Artemis physically had to restrain Zatanna to the table. Literally sparks of electricity started to swirl around Zatanna's furious head. Holding onto her arm and shoulder, Artemis leaned over so that they were completely hidden behind menus. Zatanna had no words. She was literally shaking with anger and ready to burst at any moment.
"Oh! And then there's Kara," Dick added.
"…K-kara?" Wally worried.
"…..I just think she's kinda cute."
*CRASH*
On the other side of the restaurant, it looked like a table was flipped over. Dick and Wally didn't really see who the occupants of that table were, but wings and celery sticks flew everywhere in that corner. Splotches of ranch dressing splattered the booth as well. Awkwardly, a few workers went over to clean up the mess. Just as Dick was about to stand up and check out the situation, a waitress came over to their table.
"Hey boys. I'm Missy. What are we feeling today?" she winked.
Like any typical Hooters waitress, Missy wore extremely short orange shorts and a tight white t-shirt that very clearly accentuated her…..assets. Dick sat back down and looked over the menu again. Wally obviously went for the unlimited wings promo. Dick however…
"What do you recommend?" Dick asked.
"Well, we got a few different styles. We've got fried, roasted, or smoked. There are 14 different sauces with different spice levels of course. Or you could do a dry rub. Lot of different choices."
"Right right."
At a different corner still on the other side of the restaurant, Artemis and Zatanna resettled into a new table. While Dick and Wally were distracted by Missy, the girls had profusely apologized to the staff and paid for the damages and whatnot. They were about to be kicked out, but Zatanna uttered a tiny mind-trick spell and was able to get a new table.
"I can't hear what they're saying," Artemis whispered.
"Dammit. The spell broke. I lost my concentration."
"I'll say…"
"Shut up."
"Sorry. Can't you do the spell again."
"I think so. I just need a second. My energy's kinda off the charts right now."
"Zatanna, as your friend, I'm begging you. Please calm down. You nearly blew up a Hooters."
"Calm!? Calm?! You and I just heard my BOYFRIEND brag to his best friend about how he's seeing all these women behind my back. How am I supposed to be calm when he's blatantly admitting to cheating on me?!"
"I-I well uh…"
Out of the corner of her eye, Zatanna saw that the waitress actually sat down next to Dick and was even caressing his bicep. Wally tried to salvage the situation and said something, but Dick simply waved him off. Zee's eyes widened in shock as Dick did nothing to deter this waitress from touching him. This bitch practically trapped his arm between her boobs! And he was laughing!?
A few seconds later, another waitress placed three baskets of wings at the boys' table. Missy seemed to lean into Dick's ear to whisper something. Fuming, Zatanna immediately reset the eavesdropping spell.
"Y'know, there's another type of wing we offer here," Missy cooed into Dick's ear.
"Oh? And what might that be?"
"The naked kind."
"I see."
"Mmm hmm. But we only offer thighs. Are you a thigh guy?"
"Oh most definitely," Dick nodded with a shit-eating grin.
"Come with me and I'll make sure you get the thickest and juiciest thighs we have to offer."
Standing up, Missy took Dick's hand and led him away from the table. They walked over towards the bathrooms and disappeared behind one of the doors. Meanwhile, Wally simply chowed down on his wings. Artemis was completely stunned and couldn't move a muscle. She could not believe that her own boyfriend just let Dick, his best friend, blatantly cheat in front Zatanna! The furious magician meanwhile clenched her fist as more lightning started to swirl. Her eyes actually turned blue for just a moment. But interestingly, another waitress came by.
"Uhhh which one of you is errr Z-Z….Zatanna?" the waitress tried reading the ticket in her hand.
"Uhhh her," Artemis awkwardly pointed to Zee who bit her lip trying to suppress her power.
"Okayyy. Uhh here," she placed a cup of root beer on the table.
"Huh? But we didn't order this?" Zee said as her eyes returned to normal.
"Yea uh the guy over there. The one who was sitting with the redhead. He ordered this for you. And wanted me to give you this," she handed Zee a folded piece of paper.
As the waitress walked away, Zatanna unfolded the note, now curious of its contents.
Feeling the aster?
Before Zatanna could react, a pair of arms wrapped around her waist. Instantly, she relaxed. Tension in her muscles went away. Any feelings of anger simply evaporated. He held her, just the way she liked.
"Hey," Dick kissed her on the cheek.
"H-hi…" Zee stuttered.
"Hi to you too, Artemis," Dick winked.
"Ummm hi?"
"Did you two have a good lunch?" he asked.
"Uhhhh well…" Arty rubbed her arm uncomfortably.
"You should probably pull Wally back to reality. I think that waitress over there is hoping for a big tip. She's leaning a little too close to him from what I can see," Dick gestured back to the other table.
"What? WALLACE RUDOLPH WEST!"
Angrily, Artemis got up from the table leaving Dick and Zee to themselves. He tapped her hip gesturing her to scootch over. Still trying to process everything, she obliged and let him sit next to her. He wrapped his arms around her waist holding her tightly. Her eyes darted back and forth letting Dick know she was still trying to figure things out.
"I spotted you and Arty the moment we talked in," he started.
"R-really?!"
"Yea. I know you hid behind menus, but I'd recognize your legs anywhere. My head's been between them many many times after all."
"Y-you jerk! You do not get to make sex jokes after all those things you said!"
"You mean all those lies I fed you?"
"Huh?"
"Zee c'mon. I knew you two were eavesdropping on us. I just wanted to see how far I could take the joke. I didn't realize me calling Kara cute was your breaking point," he chuckled.
"So all those things you talked about: training with Barbara, sparring with Donna, taking Kory around the world? They never happened?"
"No. None of them. Babs hates how I give instructions. Although to be fair she wants every little detail and me being a natural acrobat I just talk about feeling the jump and eyeballing things. I used to spar with Donna, but she's been thinking about retiring and pursuing politics. Although not before showing Kory around the world."
"Wait so Donna's the one who's been taking Kory to all the parks and museums?"
"And the onsen."
"O-oh…"
"I'll spare you the details of what happened there."
"T-thank you. But what about Kara?"
"Ehhhh I do think she's kinda cute."
"Dick…"
"But I think you're beautiful," he chastely kissed her on the lips, "The most beautiful woman in the world."
Blushing, Zee felt like a metric ton was lifted off her shoulders. No more dark and cloudy thoughts. No more doubts. She relaxed and leaned against Dick's shoulder nuzzling into his neck. He simply continued to caress her, kissing the top of her head.
"But what's been keeping you busy? Why haven't you been able to spend time with me?" she asked.
"Ahh. Well, I've sorta been setting up something."
"Hmm? Like what?"
"Do you trust me?"
"Y-yes. I'm sorry for doubting you to begin with."
"Hehe. It's ok. I had fun with this little entrapment anyway. You're adorable when you pout."
"Dick!"
"Ok ok. Actually, if we leave right now, we just might make it."
"Make what?"
"…..our appointment."
Hand-in-hand, Dick led Zatanna through a park in Metropolis. Although she had a million questions running through her head, she kept silent, opting to trust Dick and whatever plan he might have. Soon, they approached a large willow tree. The leaves and branches draped downward like an enormous curtain. Brushing some vines away, Dick led her inside. Instantly they were met with shade. The curtains of the willow tree provided a soft ambient atmosphere. It was quiet. It was calming.
"Dick, what are we doing here?" Zatanna asked unable to quell her curiosity.
"I told you. We have an appointment. We're just a little early."
"An appointment? With who?"
Just then, a bright yellow light shined before them. They turned to see a large glowing ankh pulse in front of the tree's central trunk. A silhouette of a figure gradually grew larger and larger until finally, Dr. Fate himself materialized with his unmistakable helmet and billowing cape.
"I must admit, Richard. I thought you'd be late," Nabu crossed his arms.
"What do you mean? I'm never late," he flashed a cheeky smile.
"Hmm. My experience with our weekly chess matches says otherwise."
"What? Chess matches?!" Zee looked back and forth between the two heroes.
"Well, I figured I'd be on time for this meeting. It's important after all."
"Hmm."
"Dick? Nabu? Can someone please tell me what's going on!?"
Dick and Nabu briefly made eye contact, sharing some silent conversation that Zee couldn't decipher. The two men both nodded before Nabu did the unthinkable. He lifted his arms and actually placed his hands right at the sides of his esteemed helmet. Zatanna held her breath, unsure if this was real or not.
"One hour. As agreed upon," Nabu bellowed.
"One hour," Dick nodded.
Zatanna watched as time seemed to slow down around her. She dared not blink afraid she'd miss the event that was happening right in front of her. Gradually, Nabu lifted his helmet as light enveloped his body. Tears were streaming down Zatanna's cheeks until finally, after so long, her father stood before her. He still wore the very same magician tuxedo from that fateful night years ago. He looked slightly older and tired. Some wrinkles were starting to form as some grey strands were mixed in with his black hair. But Zee didn't care. The impossible just happened.
"D-daddy?" Zee sobbed.
"Hello, Zatanna. My little Zebra," the old man smiled.
"I-I …..Dick? What is this!? What's going on?" she looked back at him worried that this was all a dream.
"Everything's ok," Dick kissed her hand, "I promise. I'll explain everything later. But right now, spend time with your father. You only have an hour."
"B-but. But how!?"
"Turns out you can get pretty far when you beat a Lord of Order at chess," he winked.
"I-I…..I don't know h-how….how to," she stammered.
"Zee, seriously. Go to him. I'll just be outside."
Nodding, Zatanna left Dick's embrace only to find herself in the arms of her father. She hugged him tightly, immediately sobbing and staining his suit. But Zatara didn't care. He held his daughter like she was the last living thing on Earth and cried with her. Slowly, Dick started backing away. For a moment, Zatara looked up and smiled at Dick, grateful for all his efforts. Dick nodded and disappeared behind the willows.
"H-How long?" Zatanna asked, trying to wipe away her tears.
"Hmm?"
"How long has Dick been trying to get Nabu to free you?"
Zatara couldn't help but give her a warm smile. With his thumb, he wiped the remaining tears from her cheek. He looked deeply into his daughter's eyes hoping to memorize every little detail of this precious moment.
"Since the day I agreed to be his permanent host…"
AN: Sigh. The things I do 4shur4 , HumbugZee , and ecllpse on AO3
Basically, I was up late at night doom scrolling through YouTube and watched someone review food at a Hooters. Personally I've never been (no really, I'm serious) but we all know the...reputation that particular establishment has. So I figured it'd be a funny scenario if Dick ended up at a Hooters. Then with the help of 4shur4, we concocted essentially a meme fic about Dick trolling Zee while also showing her that he'd never in a million years look at another woman. And so here we are.
Hope you enjoyed the fic! I actually looked up a Hooters menu for you people :/
And I promise... How to Be Chalant will be updated...soon...ish...soon