There was nothing wonderful about an anguished breath.
No rhythm to follow, no shape to be made, no purpose of existence, no thoughtfulness in an act of distress. It's one of the few things in life Sniff would rather forget, and let it be forgotten. He was so upset he no longer paid attention to his breath, or any breathing at all. It was not worth his attention, it had no reason to be appreciated in detail and, besides, he had other things in mind.
Read a book? I'm not interested. Write one? Even less so.
Clean the dust from the shelves? Too much effort.
Make a button collection? I'm lacking buttons at the moment.
Earn money in a new scheme? I have nothing new to sell.
Should I discover the anti-gravity hair formula? It takes time and I don't have hair.
Meet new people? I don't want to.
Visit Mr. Hemulen's garden? Maybe tomorrow.
Make a model of my nose? I did it yesterday.
Write a letter to my parents? I'd rather be in their presence, yet I want to be alone right now.
Visit the Moomins? No, I don't want to look pathetic in front of them.
Talk with Snorkmaiden? I'm afraid she will lose control of herself and it's awful when people do that, the same could happen with me.
How am I doing running backwards so far? Maybe I could practice a little more, but no, that's reserved for Thursdays only.
— Everybody is looking for a reason to live. Sigh... Guess I'll probably be here forever. – Said Sniff, unhappy with the world. He had a lot of things to do, some of them important, others not quite so, but unfortunately, all that he could do was think about them.
Think about the future... That will never come as his mind taunted. At least, he would not do something as unpleasant and stupid as sticking his hand on a cactus, nor would he feel guilty about it. Well, there's no point for Sniff to force himself to do anything he was unsure of accomplishing. He did not want it to be Thursday already. To be honest, he does not want to feel like time has passed, and it always does by every second. The passing of time is out of his and everyone else's control, something money can't buy at all and to get rid of calendars and clocks won't solve it.
Time is a construct of the mind, or so Sniff heard from Moominpappa once. He forgot the rest of the conversation they had, probably nothing important. A life lesson, maybe.
— What are life lessons worth if you can't put them into practice!? – He said out loud. – Why should I earn new values if someone or something dictates how I should live my life against my will?
He remembers, not very fondly, about Thingumy and Bob v. The Groke case that happened a while ago and the series of unexpected events that unfolded.
It all began when the Groke claimed her suitcase was stolen by Thingumy and Bob. In order to solve the issue in a legal manner, Moominpappa came up with the trial idea and presided over the court as the Honourable Judge himself. As the clerk, Snorkmaiden was given the task to record everything spoken during the case, word for word. A jury of six Woodies was organized by Moominmamma and her son, Moomintroll, took over the defense of the case. Despite the invitation, Snufkin was nowhere to be seen due his complicated positioning on the law. Furthermore, no one wanted to speak for the Groke, until Sniff's arrival.
Wearing a silly looking wig on top of head and borrowing some extra height, the self-proclaimed prosecutor looked strangely different and taller than usual, an odd change of style granted by a magical hat. The Hobgoblin's Hat, as he later found out.
A hat "far too grand for a little animal like you, Sniff", as Moomintroll said when he and Snufkin discovered that accursed object, days before the trial ever happened. Ignoring the contempt, unintentional or not, of someone he called a friend, Sniff went in search of a treasure to call his own. It wasn't only a matter of pride, but to find some great reward would be a turning point in his life. He'd become rich and eventually build a new life based on his fortunes. With enough money, it would no longer be necessary for Sniff to rely on quick and unorthodox ways to earn a few gold coins, the longing in his heart would be gone and who knows, maybe he could buy new friends who did not devalue his worth. So what if they were getting paid? At least they were not being reduced to soulless shells and Sniff would earn his praise anyway.
He craved for a treasure, that's for sure, together with a life without any worries.
Back to the trial... Sniff and his new visual attracted a lot of attention. Contrary to Moomintroll's words, the hat he found in a cave perfectly fit his head. Perhaps too well. Now that he shared the same height as Moomintroll and had blonde hair too, Sniff felt important for seconds, which was more than he had achieved so far. In fact, he was "adequately qualified to speak for the Groke", according to the Judge. What an honor.
Beginning with a cross-examination, the defense called its first witness, Moominmamma. She alleged that Thingumy and Bob were unaware of the difference between right and wrong and therefore they shouldn't be considered guilty for not knowing what thievery was. The second witness, the Muskrat, spoke with all his wisdom about the nature of law and justice in a very dense way, putting everyone to sleep. It was not particularly funny, even the Groke sighed out of boredom. After a brief recess, the prosecution asked whether the suitcase belonged to the Groke or not.
The defense pleaded objection due the prosecution's hostile behavior towards the defendants, and although the objection was sustained by the Judge, Sniff managed to raise a fair point. There was, indeed, a contradiction between both parties and their respective statements, which led to the conclusion that one of them was not telling the truth, but partial facts for their own benefit. At long last, following an inevitable confession, Moomintroll spoke to the court that Thingumy and Bob had the ownership of the suitcase. However, only the contents within the suitcase were the Groke's property.
At the prosecutor's request, the defendants opened their suitcase, revealing a shiny red object that immediately caught everyone's attention. It was the King's Ruby, the biggest of them all, that Thingumy and Bob had kept secret until then. When his eyes met the ruby, Sniff experienced a wonderful feeling, unrelated to his need for wealth and status. Sure, he imagined how many pogo sticks he could buy with that precious stone, possibly a hundred and more, but that was nothing compared to the kind of energy the ruby had been emanating, a warm embrace of the shadows and flames dancing inside its crimson walls.
He was aware of happiness, comfort and joy, though not as intense as the ruby made them be. A blonde hair and more height felt insignificant than going to Egypt to be a pyramid. A magical hat was unable to give him a safe place where his family members and friends could be seen outside of their portraits hanging on the walls. He wanted to be tall like a building, yet small enough to have a decent conversation with someone he had not seen in a while.
Those were the visions of a life he could never afford... Unless that ruby was his and his alone.
Thingumy and Bob, the Groke, Snorkmaiden, Moomintroll, they all wanted a piece of that ruby, some more than others. Each one has seen their deepest desires materialize in front of them, and Sniff was well aware of this. Before the verdict's announcement, the defense appealed one last time to prove Thingumy and Bob's innocence. stating that the two saw the ruby as the most beautiful thing in the world, a symbol of their eternal love, whereas the Groke only saw monetary value by possessing it.
What a lazy argument! Thought Sniff. There's no way such words were accepted by the Judge. Moominpappa was too good to be a nepotist, he agreed, yet it was difficult to imagine the Groke jumping around on a pogo stick, let alone seeing her care about the monetary value of things. Nonsense! Every source of heat the Groke had contact with ceased to be, all kinds of warmth denied by her cold touch. Not even all the money in the world could free her from this curse.
How Sniff wanted to yell! But that could mean an objection from the defense, so he chose to remain silent to avoid any opinions coming out of his mouth. After all, he had a reputation to uphold as a prosecutor who had just been invited to the post. Perhaps if Moomintroll said the Groke only saw value in the ruby because of its light... But of course not. Instead, he deliberately chose his words for the sake of his argument so his father and his mother would look at his eyes and believe their beloved son and everything he says and agree that he is right and what he says is the truth and, as Sniff came to realize a long time ago, Moomintroll looked so good sometimes it was convincing.
The Muskrat rambled on about materialism and other things to be compiled in his philosophical essay before the jury of Woodies came to their verdict: Thingumy and Bob were guilty of all charges and the ruby rightfully belonged to the Groke. Funny how Justice works, and noticing that, Sniff took it as a last opportunity to have the ruby to himself. Nevermind split the winnings with the Groke, who'd freeze him to a certain death.
He did not care, at all.
He was not afraid of the Groke, and why should he? The once mysterious and intimidating monster from bedtime stories he heard as a child, put side by side to the real thing, was laughable. She looked so ridiculous trying to be scary in broad daylight, her only frightening trait a reminder that you can end up lonely, never to walk again on a summer's day with a hot wind in your face and a warm hand to hold.
His friends stood there, doing nothing but discussing Sniff's attitude, and although they were right at a certain point, that his determination to get what he wants could mean his ruin, that he had nothing to prove to anyone, that he should leave the ruby and run for his life... What life? The one he has shown plenty of dissatisfaction for? A life where he was not rich and did not have the support of his parents and friends who respected and told him about what a nice company he was, how charming and eloquent and all sorts of words one person can be described as positively? Would there be any reason not to live in a world where his favorite song would be playing on the radio he bought with his own money? A world where a hundred pogo sticks were given to a hundred children from an orphanage he built and donates to every year?
He would not be back. Never again.
Everything the ruby has shown felt so real and solid.
And even in the face of danger, unable to distinguish illusion from reality, all Sniff wanted was the ruby and nothing else. If he couldn't keep it, otherwise what's even the point?
The Hobgoblin shared the same thoughts. For centuries, the powerful wizard who lived on a house atop a mountain at the end of the world has grown an obsession with collecting red rubies. By chance, during one of his travels around the universe, he found the King's Ruby in possession of a small creature, a certain Sniff of Moominvalley, whose cries of victory would not last long. When the Hobgoblin made his appearance, the day grew darker with shadows across the land, the air became chilly as if Winter had come early, the Groke recoiled in fear like a snail back to the shell and what once was a beautiful clear blue sky hidden by a colossal cloud with a pair of fiery red eyes, its voice resonating with authority and power.
Everyone was terrified at the mere sight of The Hobgoblin above, including Sniff who, in a moment of carelessness, let the ruby slip out of his hands, causing it to shatter upon impact with the ground. Blank stares and surprise gasps were followed by a cruel irony, since anybody could get their piece of the gemstone without any conflicts, but it didn't matter if that pleasant sensation they felt before was gone.
How Sniff missed it, so much that in his desperate attempt to fix the ruby, he tried to put it together piece by piece. No one interrupted him or called him foolish, and despite Thingumy and Bob's aid, their effort was in vain as the ruby refused to look the same. It looked like a pile of colored rocks, nothing special about it. Nobody wanted it, no one needed it. It was worthless.
A tear fell out of Sniff's eyes, but he did not notice. In fact, no one noticed as the Hobgoblin's deafening roar filled their ears. In his immense rage, the wizard cast a spell that trapped Sniff within a ball of energy and held him up in the air like a meaningless, tiny grain of sand. It was an accident, I swear! He wanted to say something but he couldn't. He thought he was done for, that the Hobgoblin would get rid of his life forever, somehow relieving him from the torment of existence because he would completely cease to be.
Instead, he fell on the ground, feeling completely different. It wasn't the lack of hair or a shorter height that bothered him, but something inside. For a moment, Sniff felt strange, he could tell everyone's pain by just looking at them, then he felt nothing. It was a weird sensation he wasn't used to, a need to tell others about how their feelings weren't irrelevant and that they do matter, along a kind of emptiness that kept growing and it never stopped.
He told Thingumy and Bob that he would never forgive himself for breaking the ruby, while adding that they still had each other's love. A kind of love that shines brighter and it's more powerful and lasting than any gem. A kind of love they no longer needed to hide in a suitcase. Next, he greeted Moominmamma, showing deep appreciation for her hospitality and open-heartedness, good traits that others could take advantage of and lead to undesirable situations, as he advised.
...No mirror in the world could reflect your true beauty, Snorkmaiden!...
…Your spikes may protect you from enemies, but a Hedgehog knows a friend is someone who needs comfort...
...You're as restless as a stormy sea, Moominpappa, but beware, lest hidden currents carry you far from home...
...Dear Muskrat, wise as an owl who's awake to tell midnight is where the day begins...
...Hemulen, take care of your garden and it will take care of you too!...
And so, it went on like this for some time, a stream of consciousness of improvised phrases that often made sense and sometimes the metaphors were confusing to the speaker himself. The Groke left in an unceremonious way before Sniff could say anything, which meant only Little My was left.
Yes, Little My was also there, though she did not have any considerable input on the trial... But she was there, and Sniff told her about how, in spite of her dismissive behavior, everyone cared for her and she would never be abandoned again because they were their family. As one would expect, Little My threatened to bite Sniff, but it was obvious she was flattered by his words and did not want to show it.
Moomintroll asked the Hobgoblin what had happened to his friend, to which he replied that he may be rude, though he is not without compassion. Rather than punishing Sniff for breaking the King's Ruby, of all things, he gave him the ability to understand other people's emotions.
The Hobgoblin gave him empathy. The empathy that he lacked for so long.
In the end, regardless of his actions, the people of Moominvalley have forgiven Sniff. The Hobgoblin, too, was forgiven. He gave up the ruby and looked more like a normal person than an angry cloud, everyone had a party, the Hobgoblin's Hat was brought back to its owner, happy ending for all... Except not really. That statement about the lack of something as basic as feeling what others feel left Sniff with a sour taste in the mouth that lasts to the present day.