"Is that classic Logan enough for you?" Logan said, harshly.
Veronica gasped and looked at Logan's bloody knuckles. Horrified with herself, for provoking this kind of reaction from him because of her own issues. This beautiful, gorgeous man that wanted to marry her. Her man. The shame she felt at having provoked him was no doubt reflected on Logan's face though he was refusing to look at her; his gaze focused on the cabinets.
She knew he'd seen the absolute worst humanity had to offer, beginning with Aaron Echolls as a child. And who knew the atrocities he'd seen in the Navy. She knew it was wrong to constantly put down the place where they had grown up together. The place they'd fallen in love. With his reminder of her narrow perspective, she should have backed off instead of doubling down. She knew it was wrong to criticize any work he'd done in therapy. Who, other than his therapist and Logan himself, knew better how far Logan had come than her? What was wrong with her?
In a way, she was relieved to see a Logan she recognized, a Logan that had a passionate yet violent response to any given situation. That Logan matched her attitude; that Logan she understood. But she almost couldn't stand that he had lost his hard-fought control because of her. The regret she felt at having even uttered the words "classic Logan" made her sick to her stomach. Logan was right, she was shrinking his safe space, and she didn't know if she could possibly feel worse about her behavior.
He was trying to be open. Trying to be honest. Trying to acknowledge that the Logan she knew 15 years ago is still there but isn't something he's proud of, and he was doing his best to love and accept her for who she is, pessimism and all, without spiraling into the self-destructive patterns of his past. He wanted her to understand who he is, who he has always been, and how he's trying to cope with himself, her, and who they are together. She knew the shame he must feel at letting himself give into the anger would be overwhelming.
She took a deep breath, and consciously made the decision to finally try to understand the Logan that had put so much hard work into becoming the amazing man he is.
She reached out to him, kindly grabbing his bloody hand, and placing a gentle kiss on the back of his wrist before he tried to pull his hand away.
"No," Veronica said. "Don't pull away from me."
He looked at her, and what she saw in his eyes made her want to burst into tears. It was beyond shame. More like complete devastation.
"Let's clean this up," she said, reaching for him again. Lightly tugging on his arm, she finally got him to go with her toward the bathroom. She contemplated during the seconds it took to get there from the kitchen to think hard about what she wanted to say. She was not going to invalidate him or his feelings. She would not shame him. She would do everything she could to bring him back to the Logan he fought every day to be.
She maneuvered him toward the sink where their first aid kit was and took a moment to softly kiss his shoulder.
"I'm sorry, Veronica," he whispered, still having trouble looking at her through the haze of shame.
"No," she said. "I won't let you apologize for this. I won't let you feel bad about this. This was all me. I provoked you."
"Veronica…" he trailed off while watching her grab the kit, setting it out on the counter before gently taking his hand and washing away the blood in the sink.
Logan watched Veronica as she carefully washed his hand and inspected the damage. He wondered what was going on in her head right now. His head was a mess. Anger at himself, anger at her, horror with himself, awe that she stayed with him and was taking care of him instead of running out the door. He knew he had to have scared her; it had been so long since his violence had come out that close to Veronica.
What he had told her in the kitchen wasn't the entire truth. Absolutely he chose every day to work with Jane so his anger wouldn't destroy him. But he also worked every day to make sure his anger didn't destroy her, their relationship, really any important person and relationship in his life. Without the therapeutic work, he didn't know if he would deserve any of the amazing life he had. With the therapeutic work, he had grown to believe he was deserving. He also believed that if she put in the work, she would come to know that she was deserving of happiness, too.
Veronica looked into his eyes, and he had trouble maintaining eye contact. "Logan, I love you. Every version of you. I love the dark parts, I love the therapy parts, I love the protector, and I love the Logan that just tried to be understanding of my overwhelming pessimism while all I did was complain. I am so, so sorry my words were so careless."
Logan took what felt like the deepest breath of his life. In one long sentence, Veronica acknowledged who he is, who he tries to be, and accepted she has her own faults. He didn't know exactly where this was going, but it was worlds better than what he expected one second after he hit the cabinet door.
"I love you, Veronica," he whispered. She let go of his hand and reached up to his neck. He took her hint and leaned down to lightly press his lips against hers. They both savored that kiss, relished in the tenderness and grace they were showing each other.
They pressed their foreheads together.
"Do you think Jane would talk to us, together?" Veronica asked softly.
Logan's eyes opened wide in surprise, and he was able to really see her for the first time since he'd lost his hard-fought control in the kitchen. "Yes, I know she would. Are you sure?"
"The work you've done, Logan, is incredible. How far you've come, how much you've grown. I'm in awe of you. It isn't fair for me to try to diminish any of that with my issues. And we both know I am not the poster child for emotional health or healthy relationships." She pulled his head back down to hers, resuming their connection and it seemed like she was trying to open herself up as much as possible. "But I want to be," she said even softer. Logan wouldn't have even heard her if the apartment around them hadn't returned to such a calm after the storm.
Logan's heart strongly beat in his chest, reminding him of the hope and longing he had been living with what feels like all his life when it comes to Veronica.
"I know Jane will see us, Veronica."
Veronica grabbed his hands, placed a gentle kiss on the freshly cleaned but slightly mangled knuckles. "I don't think this will need the Snoopy band-aids," she said, then reached up and placed an even more gentle kiss on the corner of his mouth. "Make the appointment, babe. I will be there," she said.
Logan's hand moved to Veronica's hair and the kiss was deep, thorough, and everything they needed in this moment. Reassuring, loving, promising, kind, passionate.
Slowly, shirts were removed. Belts were unbuckled. Logan picked Veronica up and carried her to their bedroom, her legs clinging to his hips even as he gently lowered her onto the bed.
The next morning, Veronica woke up in Logan's arms, his soft breaths indicating he still slept peacefully. She felt hopeful. Their argument the night before had been a rough moment before becoming a beautiful night, and she was thankful she tried to be as open with her feelings as she could. In the light of the morning, she was scared about what she had agreed to, but she had no regrets. Logan was worth risking vulnerability. Logan was worth working on herself. Logan was worth everything.
"I'll call Jane today and let you know," Logan said, startling Veronica out of her thoughts. She smiled at the man that still looked angelically asleep but was clearly wide awake, eyes still closed with a slight smile on his face. She kissed the corner of his mouth and giggled when his eyes popped open, and he returned with a kiss under her ear.
"I'll be there, whenever she can fit us in," she confirmed. "I love you, Logan. I want to be just like you when I grow up."
He laughed and rolled her over, tickling her ribs and kissing her deeply.