Knackered
It was almost six. Sev headed to his bedroom, it took him a world to climb the stairs. I'm so defeated that all I want to do is take a nap with the Restorative Potion. And to think that this was the day I was going to relax... I shouldn't have gone to London, but rather sleep while Hippolyta was with her friends so I could be with her later. I hope she is still with them and not waiting for me in my room, because I don't feel up to even talking to her.
He entered his bedroom without making a sound, the curtain on his bed next to the door was drawn. When I left in the afternoon it wasn't drawn, like the elves leave it. Yes, she is there, hidden in case Anthony or Jack enter, so they don't see her. I'm going to the bathroom first.
He went to the bathroom, washed his face and looked in the mirror. Ugh… I even look bad. Booff... I have to do something so that she doesn't notice it, and I don't feel capable of fighting, I'm too knackered to hide it. Whatever it is, who knows how long she's been waiting? And the while we have left until dinner is going to seem too short to her.
He returned to his bed, approached from the side of the window, where the bedside table and his trunk were, the curtain on that side wasn't drawn.
Hippolyta was reading sitting on the bed, she looked up at him when she heard him. "Hi, Prince!" she exclaimed. She tossed the book aside, stood up on the bed, and hugged him by his neck. So she was taller than him, his head was against her torso, he hugged her close. "Ugh... I was already worried about you..." she reproached sweetly. "It took you a long time…"
"I'm very sorry, honey, it was quite complicated to go to London," very sad. "If I had known, I wouldn't have gone, I would have stayed waiting for you."
"You're very sad, Prince..." a little sorry too.
"Yes, I am defeated."
"Ugh... I shouldn't have gone with my friends either, you needed me more. If I had stayed you wouldn't have gone to London."
"No, Hippolyta, don't think that, you have done very well, you should be with kids your age. Did you have a good time?"
"Yes, but not as much as with you," already recovered. "In the end I stayed three hours, I returned at five."
"Ugh… you've been waiting for almost an hour."
"Don't worry about me, I've been entertained," very confident and cheerful. "You're very tired, get into bed, go ahead. Do you want me to leave?"
"No, honey, I don't want you to leave, I want to be with you." Sev started to cry.
"Okay, then I'll stay…" very sweet. She began to stroke his head.
She's taking care of me like I take care of her… Merlin, how much good she does me… "Have you had a snack?" he asked her.
"Yes, Prince, but don't start with your questions. Don't worry about me today, today it's my turn to take care of you, I'm fine."
Merlin, how willful she is… she must also be having a terrible time seeing me like this and she is not daunted, having just turned fourteen. Another lifeline, who would have thought? Today I called her fragile and she is not fragile at all, I am the fragile one. She is robust as oaks.
"Tell me what's happening to you, come on..." the girl told him.
"I'm a disaster, Hippolyta. I do everything backwards, I don't know how to take care of myself."
"Because you spend your life taking care of others."
"True, you know me well."
"You have to stop worrying so much about others. You have a bad time, you get sad."
"You are absolutely right, Hippolyta."
"Let everyone take care of themselves, like I am doing. I immediately realized how bad I was giving you when I didn't want to eat the second course and I began to behave well so that you wouldn't spend the meals crying."
"Sure, you are right."
"Well, I don't want you to worry about anything that happens to me again. I can take care of myself, you know, I'm independent."
"Hippolyta, I love you so much that it hurts…"
"Well, don't let it hurt you, it should make you happy, because I love you too."
"It is a pain that makes me happy, it is very difficult to explain."
"No, I understand perfectly," she said. "The same thing happened to me on Tuesday at the pond, when we hugged for the first time, and also this morning when you shouted 'It's better to die standing than to live kneeling'. I have not cried because I was afraid for you, but because I love you so much and you seem so brave to me, that I feel something that I am not able to explain, as happens to you, and it seems to me that I am very lucky because you love me too."
"How could I not love you? You are the best thing that has happened to me in my life."
"On Tuesday you didn't tell me that, you told me that it was the best thing that had happened to you in a long time."
"Well, I've changed my mind, you're the best by far," he stated.
"You too for me, I have tried a lot of memories from this morning when I returned from the Forest and a lot of incorporeal Patronus have come out, all with you."
"Oh…"
"I am very happy with you, Prince. Do you want me to tell you?"
"Sure."
"The first, when I sent you kisses to the stands. The second, when I caught the Snitch just at that moment so you could see me. The third, when I hugged you when leaving the field. The fourth, when I shouted the House motto. The fifth, when you have shouted yours. The sixth, when we have entered the Great Hall with the motto of home again. The seventh, when I shouted yours again in the Great Hall. And the eighth, when all the people have gotten up to give you hugs."
"Wow… you're missing one for nine," said Sev.
"Not anymore, because I have another now, which is corporeal for sure, this moment."
"For me too, do you want us to try it together?"
"Okay, but if we hug again later, I want a long hug," said the girl.
"Of course, honey."
They separated, each one took their wand, Hippolyta had it on the bed, Sev had it in his backpack. They conjured at once, the hawks flew through the bedroom.
They let them fly for a long minute, finally she spoke, "They have not fought again since the first day."
Sev stopped conjuring as well, but the hawks didn't disappear immediately. "Because we have not fought against each other again. When we fight again they will do it again too."
"Come on, take off your boots and lie down on the bed, we'll hug each other in bed."
"Booff… Hippolyta…" suffering again.
"The usual, committed. Let's see when you get that nonsense out of your head. My Dad also hugged me in bed when I was little, I would wake up because of a nightmare or a storm and I would go to sleep with them in their bed."
"But you were little, and it was your Dad."
"You don't care about Ariel, he sleeps with you sometimes, he told us that," she reproached.
"Because he is a boy."
"And what has that to do?"
"You're right, but there's something else," he said.
"Well, tell me while you take off your boots and I'll tell you if it's a problem or not. If it is, I'm going to the next bed, because you need to rest and there's little time until dinner."
"Okay."
Hippolyta sat down on the bed again, leaving room for him.
He sat down to take off his boots and asked her, "Do you know what Legilimency is?"
"Of course I know, what the old man, Voldemort and Lestrange do."
"Wow… Hippolyta…" deeply admired.
"I already told you that I find out everything that happens at home, I have also lived with malefics and spied on their conversations. Remember that I want to be a warrior from my first year, you have to know the enemy."
"Then you can imagine where what I want to tell you is going."
"Yes, I can imagine," she said. "The damn old man was able to read me this morning. I already thought about it when I went up to collect the Cup, that's why that moment was not happy, I tried it and it didn't come out non-corporeal."
"We thought the same thing at the same time, it has made us both the victory bitter."
"Indeed. But then I thought that I don't know what problem there could be, if you are constantly with him and he can also read you."
"No, honey. I am an occlumant," said Sev.
"And what is that?"
"Another Mental Art, you lock in your mind what you don't want a legeremant to read and they can't do it."
"Sure... And why don't you teach me?" asked Hippolyta.
Booff… I've already slipped. "I'll teach you when it's time."
"Are you also a legeremant?"
She's already connected the dots, she's extraordinary, she deserves to know, he thought.
"I am."
"Then you can read me too. Is that why you don't want to teach me?"
Sev snorted. I have to tell her everything, otherwise she will stop trusting me. "I'm going to explain everything to you. I am not like the old man, who reads anyone at the slightest opportunity to learn all their secrets. I only read enemies, like vipers before we chase them away, and I only read friends in cases of emergency, when they are in danger and I have to help them."
"Like when I didn't want to eat."
How quick-minded she is, she doesn't need to think. "That's it, Hippolyta. It's been almost a week since I read you, and I only read that. I know how to find what I want to read and I only read what is essential, otherwise I wouldn't need to talk to you, I would already know everything you think."
"Sure…"
"I can't teach you Occlumency until I'm sure you've overcome your problem with food, in case you lie to me, do you understand?"
"I wouldn't lie to you, Prince, I'm sorry you think so."
She doesn't lie to me, but she doesn't tell me the whole truth either. "I'm so sorry, honey. For the moment I am not going to do it, I put your health and your life first."
"I understand, Prince. I also put your life before everything else."
There it is, what Sirius told me this morning, ahead of her own. "Thank you for understanding."
"I continue where we left off, okay? We were talking about what was wrong with us hugging in bed."
Great, she has accepted it, she continues to trust me. How I adore her. "Yeah, I know," he said.
"If I already knew about the old man without knowing that you are an occlumant and I have proposed it to you, you can already imagine what I think about the subject, right?"
"Of course."
"Well, you say it," she asked.
He had already finished taking off his boots, he looked at her. "That you don't care at all if he finds out."
"That is! Fuck him!" blunt and deeply contemptuous. "I'm not going to let him make the happy moments of our lives any more bitter!"
"Bravo, Hippolyta!" deeply moved, relieved and admired.
"Come on!" authoritarian. "Lie down on the bed."
He did so and drew the curtain on his side.
"Wait, set the alarm clock in case we fall asleep," she said calm down now.
"Okay."
"At seven, in case Jack or Anthony come, don't let them see me."
"Okay," Sev agreed.
"You know that I do it for you, huh? I don't give a damn if they find out."
He set the alarm clock and drew the curtain again.
"How do you want me to hug you?" she asked him, very sweet.
"As you want."
"How do you sleep?"
"As we are, with my back turned to you," he replied.
"Well, put yourself like this."
"But I can't hug you like this."
"But I do, and today it's my turn to take care of you," said the girl.
"Okay." Sev lay in his usual posture and Hippolyta hugged him from behind, placing her hand on his heart, which he squeezed.
She told him, "I hope I fall asleep too, I haven't slept with anyone since I was little, with my parents."
Poor girl… "Do you want to sleep with me tonight, after the party?"
"Wow, Prince… of course."
I am very sorry for Genevre. I wouldn't change this for anything, we won't be able to do it again all summer. "Then we will do it, honey, and we will sleep as long as we want, we will wake up without an alarm clock, tomorrow we have no obligations until the afternoon."
"Brilliant."
Sev fell asleep almost instantly, at seven the alarm clock rang and he woke up, still hugged by Hippolyta. Wow… how good it has been for me. He stuck his arm out through the curtain to turn it off, grabbed his wand and cast the Muffliato. "Honey, have you been able to sleep?" he asked her.
"Yes, I could have fallen asleep, Prince," she told him, very sweet, moved. "But I preferred to stay hugging you, feeling you."
Oh…
"And don't start with your questions, huh?" she added.
"No no."
"How did you sleep? Are you better?"
"It has been great for me, you have cured me of everything," said Sev.
"As you do with me, what I told you the other day, we are worth the same. Today I'm not going to let go of you all night, I can't read you like you do with me to keep an eye on me, so I'll keep an eye on you in my own way."
Take that! I have it well deserved. She herself is going to save me from falling again. "As you wish, Hippolyta, you are in charge."
"Come on, get out of bed and see if Anthony or Jack are there," separating from him. "I haven't heard them come in, but I haven't heard you before either, look just in case."
Sev drew the curtain, got out of bed, and walked over to Anthony and Jack's. From there he Tracked them, they were both in the Common Room. "Free way, Hippolyta."
She immediately got out of bed on her side, took her shoes from under the bed, put them on, and took off without further ado, with her book and her wand.
Sev laughed. How cute, she had hidden her shoes under the bed so they wouldn't be seen. Merlin, how I adore her… He sat on the bed again for ten more minutes to savor the sweet memories of the little time he had spent with Hippolyta before falling asleep and reflecting on what he had experienced that afternoon.
She has not been angry with me nor has she demanded anything from me at all, she has known how to maintain the exact attitude that I needed at all times to recover, without thinking about what she wanted. At barely fourteen years old, she is extraordinary, by far the best of all, there is a reason why I got hung up like this.
Now I understand what Lily and Lauren were telling me, that they would feel bad doing it to someone other than me. That is exactly what I feel after this afternoon with Genevre, I feel dirty, I feel like I have betrayed a very, very deep feeling by letting myself be carried away by my impulses.
I have to learn to repress myself, it's not just that I was saturated, it's that I feel like I belong to her, I'm hers, she has won me completely, my entire being. I feel for her what I feel for Lily, that I will love her forever. I will only stop being a virgin with someone I feel that way about. If Lily accepts me, with her, and if she doesn't, I will wait for Hippolyta.
And I think that I must extend the decision of not debut myself to the full scope of relationships, as I was doing until now, neither kissing, nor having sex, nor sleeping with anyone other than them, not even thinking about girls when I do it alone, because it would be the same as being disloyal, since I can't tell Hippolyta yet.
And not only that, it would be betraying myself. That's it, decided, for the moment and until I can be with Lily, abstinence.
. . . . . . . . .
Here ends the eighth part of the story.
The next one, 'The Year of the Revolution IX. The Search for Balance.'