Chapter 9: A Breath of Respite
Being closer only confirmed their suspicions that there wasn't going to be an easy way up to the peak of Mt. Gulg. Thankfully, Chai-Nuzz had an idea and it was surprisingly easy to find the manpower to make it happen.
Which, inevitably, led to him having nothing more to contribute until the task was done. Chai-Nuzz pointed him in the direction of the tavern for a spot to rest where Dulia-Chai and the Crystal Exarch were currently resting. Only, Dulia-Chai was within and a scattering of other folks but the Exarch was nowhere to be seen.
"The Exarch? He went outside a moment ago, my dear," Dulia-Chai informed him. "I would've thought you'd have seen him. He kept me company for a short while, but then he came over rather pale. He's clearly been straining himself, the poor thing. Anyway, he excused himself, saying that he needed a breath of fresh air. Weak as he looked, I did offer to go with him, but he assured me he would be fine."
Worry settled into his chest as he managed a soft smile. "I'll go check on him. Thank you."
"I do hope he's all right…" trailed after him as he stepped back outside.
So did he.
Looking for the Exarch took far longer than he expected. The man certainly hadn't lingered in Amity which meant that he could have gone in any given direction at a whim. He found a shoebill of all things gazing unflinchingly southward towards the rise of a jutting cliff. He doubted he was going to be that lucky and just stumble across the Exarch thanks to a random animal but the top of the cliff would be a good spot for some air and it was in a direction most would not travel past.
The Exarch was slumped against the far side of the large boulder at the top of the rise.
The worry thick in his chest flared into panic and he quickly hit his knees at the Exarch's side, not even thinking the action through as he shoved his hand into the man's hood to feel for a pulse. Smooth crystal pressed against his palm, startling him out of the panic enough to realize what he was doing. Ashamed at the rushed action, Echo'a carefully lingered the back of his hand in front of the Exarch's nose and let the soft puffs of breath sap away the panic.
Of course the Exarch was just asleep. How many times had he seen the man sway on his feet from wandering too far for too long from the Crystal Tower. It didn't take a genius to assume the crystals making up good portions of the Exarch's body meant there was some sort of link there.
Not that the Exarch had ever said as much.
With a heavy sigh, Echo'a adjusted how he was knelt and sent a healing spell over the Exarch just to be safe. When it passed through without finding an injury, he figured channeling some aether into the Exarch couldn't hurt.
He tucked in on himself, his gaze on the glow of aether. Hopefully it helped, even if for a little.
It was not long before the Exarch awoke with words on his lips and, while Echo'a didn't quite understand the significance behind them, the Exarch was certainly startled by his presence. If it was from the close proximity, though, the Exarch didn't push him away. Instead, the Exarch shook himself, as if to free reality from the dream he had woken from.
"Forgive me, I was...lost in a dream," the Exarch offered in that amused tilted voice, exhaustion laced through every word.
"A good dream, I hope?" he asked, tucking his arms around his knees and his tail over his ankles.
The Exarch chuckled. "In a sense." There was a pause before the Exarch explained, "I needed some fresh air and thought to rest for a moment. It would seem I am more fatigued than I realized. Too much time away from the tower, I fear."
The Exarch spoke of his condition, of how he had tied his body to the Crystal Tower in order to extend his life, and the limitations it put upon him.
His heart only ached more for the man. He couldn't fathom the loneliness that must have accompanied that decision. Nor the desperation that had led it. It reminded him of the whole situation that had transpired at the Source's own Crystal Tower, of how he had hated watching those doors close with a person inside, it being their choice be damned.
Tension shot through his arms and his legs, edging along his lower spine as several thoughts clicked into place.
He really hoped his sudden epiphany of who donned the Crystal Exarch moniker was wrong. That was…that seemed far too cruel a fate for a soul that had seemed so bright.
The Exarch drew Echo'a from his wandering thoughts with an inquiry of the construction efforts. Echo'a put his epiphany aside and filled the Exarch in as much as he could. The more he spoke, the more lacking it felt, but the Exarch seemed pleased nonetheless with his words.
"Then this may be the last moment we have to ourselves for a while. Come, sit with me proper."
Proper? How did his current position not count as proper? Shooting a quizzical look at the Exarch, Echo'a complied by pivoting on a foot to face him proper and promptly sat with barely a hand's width away from the Exarch's outstretched thigh. He took care to tightly tuck his right leg under his left so as not to touch the Exarch's hip. The back of his left ankle connected with the top of his right and he used that propped knee to rest his arm on. The other took his weight in the dirt just behind his hip. He caught part of the Exarch's robes under his fingers and adjusted how his hand was situated so that he wasn't on the fabric.
It seemed well enough for the Exarch for the man smiled at him and simply asked, "Tell me, when all of this is over, what will you do?"
What lighthearted mood had settled in his chest vanished immediately. He tried to not let it but the Exarch's words had been keen for the cracks in his own resolve, slipping through and aggravating things he had wanted to ignore. He couldn't help but doubt if there was even an 'after' if they succeeded. After taking on the Light of the fourth Lightwarden, he had lost faith in his ability to remain alive after taking on the fifth's and so he had stopped looking towards the future in such a way, fearing the possibilities that would follow his death. All he had to do was win the next fight, take on the Light, and pray that he was either strong enough or Urianger's backup plan was effective enough to keep him from destroying all that they had managed to do so far.
His lack of quick response seemed answer enough as the Exarch spoke up again. "Well, you needn't hurry to decide. I was merely curious to know what sort of future lay in store for a hero with his life ahead of him.
He knew the Exarch hadn't meant those words as anything more than fanciful wishing - had probably meant them to lift his spirits if his dampened mood had been that obvious - but the way he had said it, the wording the Exarch had chosen, exasperated the cracks in Echo'a's resolve. A bitter huff of a laugh escaped him and he couldn't help but retort sharply, "If I live that long, you mean."
The Exarch's crystal hand wrapped around the top of his right thigh just below the knee, gripping at it in a way that left Echo'a thinking the action was driven by fear rather than the complex blend of emotions he could only half see under the Exarch's hood. "I have every confidence that you will see many long years after this and that you will do a great many things with those years. For you have the strength to forge your own path. You will leave countless lives better than you found them, and the souls you touch will never forget your kindness. Then, in trying times, when you question your worth and your choices, they will raise their voices to remind you of the difference you have made. And thus will your deeds come to affirm your path. Remember this."
He nodded his head, leaving the Exarch oblivious to the fact that the man's words hadn't quite warmed him as he was certain the Exarch had intended. "What of you? What will you do when this is over?"
The Exarch seemed surprised by his question. The Exarch's gaze appeared to fall away from him and onto the man's own legs. "When this is over…indeed…"
He wasn't sure if the thought of the Exarch, for some reason, expecting to die in all this was his own projection or the Exarch's unspoken truth. He hoped it was more of the Exarch's inability to see beyond it since the stakes were so high but it still left a bitter taste in his mouth and a hollow ache in his chest. If the Exarch was even aware of the impression such a statement left, the man did not correct it.
"I once told you that there are things we can ill afford to lose," the Exarch went on. ""Things," I said, though in truth I spoke of a person. One who is unaware of the full extent of my plans. Though he deserves to know, I have good reason to keep my counsel. I have come to terms with this in my mind, yet my heart yearns to lay everything bare. For he is my inspiration, and I would give much and more for the chance to speak with him as friends, with no thought of concealment. Should he indulge me with his tales, I would regale him with my own─about my efforts in Norvrandt, perhaps." The Excarch chuckled and turned that hooded gaze in his direction. "Though...ultimately, that tale is more yours than it is mine." That gaze did not linger on him and instead turned to the view beyond the cliff. "Then...I would ask him about his next adventure. And if he should wish me to be a part of it, oh...how happy it would make me. Together, we would travel the lands and cross the seas and take to the skies upon the eternal wind... My heart swells simply to imagine it."
A part of Echo'a hoped the Exarch was talking about him.
He hated that thought the instant he had it. It felt so egotistical to believe such words to be meant for him when there were so many others it could be. But there weren't, were there? Beyond those who the Exarch had pulled from the First, he had yet to meet anyone else so thickly entangled in the Exarch's plan as he. And the way the Exarch talked, it truly sounded like…
What measly hold he had over everything that he had been struggling against, everything he had been ignoring and denying and pretending didn't exist long enough to make it through another day, to face another foe, to take another step, a resolve of which had cracks the Exarch's earlier words had only bolstered, simply shattered under the Exarch's admission, words that were only bolstered by his own churning thoughts.
He pressed his forehead against the Exarch's shoulder, seeking solace he wasn't certain would be given freely even if he had the words to ask for it. The Exarch tensed at his sudden movement, going as far as to jump slightly when Echo'a's forehead connected with his shoulder, and at least one hand rose in response but did little more than hover in the space between them. The Exarch didn't shove him away, though. Beyond the initial startle and obvious unease, the Exarch simply sat there, waiting with bated breath for him to do more.
He knew the Exarch would hear the strain in his voice but it would be better than the Exarch actually seeing him breaking so he forced the words out. "Sorry, I just-" came out as a warble and the breath he sucked in for the remaining words caused his whole body to shudder. "Can we…can we stay like this, please? Just for a moment. I can't-" Another shuddering breath. "If you're able to bear with me, I just need a moment."
Silence greeted his words for a few seconds before the Exarch uttered, "May I hug you?" It was calm, caring, and he gritted his teeth because of course that would be the thing to shove tears in his eyes but he couldn't deny the Exarch. He nodded into the man's shoulder, unable to verbalize his consent, and the Exarch surged forward, both arms crushing Echo'a to his chest.
It snapped any semblance of composure he had been struggling to gather back into place.
For the stretch of time Echo'a wasn't sure if he was drowning or crumbling to dust from it all while he sobbed into the Exarch's shoulder, the Exarch muttered over and over how Echo'a was going to be ok, how the Exarch had him, in among the scatterings of "I'm sorry"s Echo'a didn't fully understand. The Exarch's words stilted to a stop as the brunt of the emotions started to taper off, the words returning only fleetingly and lacking any of the apologies until Echo'a calmed completely.
Echo'a didn't pull away even when his breathing returned to normal and the tears finally stopped. The Exarch's hold never wavered either so he figured it was fine. The ache from the Exarch's words, though, didn't quell like the rest of the torrent. He pressed his face into the Exarch's shoulder, offering before he could lose the drive to say anything at all, "When this is over, you owe me your story." The Exarch stilled beneath him but still the Exarch's arms did not loosen. "I don't need to know the specifics of the man beneath the hood." Despite the hope that the Exarch would trust him enough to do so. A second wave of emotions threatened to push through the peace that had settled in the absence of the first. "But at least promise me you'll tell me your story when this is all over. I can't-" a shuddering breath; he couldn't lose it all over again- "Please." His hands tightened on the Exarch's robes. "Please," he repeated, the word barely more than a mumbled plea, "say you'll fight tooth and nail to see the next day come."
The Exarch's grip tightened around him and the Exarch pressed his face into his hair - was it on purpose or without thinking? - as the eager tone the Exarch spoke in sounded sickly sweet. "Of course I promise. Once we return to the Crystal Tower, I'll tell you the whole story. From beginning to end."
The Exarch was humoring him.
And he didn't have the strength to care.
He pulled away and stood, the Exarch's arms lingering in the air for a long moment before returning to the man's lap. Echo'a offered the Exarch his hand and a tight, tired smile. "I'm going to hold you to that."
The Exarch's smile is amused, to say the least, as the man took his hand and accepted the assist. "Yes, but it is contingent upon our victory in the coming battle," the Exarch replied. It was meant as a tease, he knew that, but that knowledge did nothing to make it any easier to withstand.
The Exarch seemed to notice and took hold of Echo'a's hand, tugging him along until they were standing side by side beyond the girth of the boulder with the peak of Mt. Gulg in plain view. "The people of this world have entrusted their hopes to us," the Exarch said, the words sure but kind; encouraging, even. "We cannot fail them." And then, as if as an afterthought, "Nor those who roused me from my slumber."
He hated how those words alone were enough to settle the torrent of emotions into the closest thing to peace he was probably going to ever see again.
The Exarch gave his hand a squeeze. "Thank you for your company, Echo'a. Let us return to Amity."
When the Exarch's hand left his, Echo'a felt suddenly anchorless and he nearly reached out, desperate to not be adrift in the Light-saturated world. Instead he tucked his hands in his pockets and followed after the Exarch.
It would be fine. One way or the other, they all would be fine.