Chapter 27
Notes: Titled "Interlude". Loosely based after 'Ponder, Warrant, Cherish, Welcome' and before the tour that starts predominantly in 'Lives Apart'.
Night had settled on Elpis as gently as the day had cradled it. It certainly didn't see all sentient life asleep until the waking dawn but it had diminished the number of people around the aetheryte plaza to nearly nonexistent. At minimum, there wasn't anyone within view of the pool they had found Hermes at earlier that day. The only two he had seen on his return from wandering the whole island were at the opposite corner of the plaza. He would have preferred a secluded stretch of a river but that particular island had to apparently be the one lacking such water features. Instead, he was left with the pools around the plaza and, while it wasn't favorable, in theory it would still work.
The water was cold against his bare feet and shins but not shockingly so, much to his disappointment. Still, he sat on the edge of the pool with his feet in the water and promptly dunked his head long enough to soak his hair. He pushed his hair back as he sat up, sending water cascading down his spine and chest, soaking his shirt. The soft wind that seemed to be a constant there high above what counted as actual ground cooled the wet fabric but the iciness he had been yearning for never came.
He rubbed at an ear, water dribbling down his arm for his efforts. The water was helping, though, so it wasn't a total waste. The sound of the fountain was making enough noise that his brain was slowly quieting underneath it and the cold water against his skin was keeping him well aware of his exhausted body. He leaned into his knees, tucking a cheek into a hand as he closed his eyes. If he was lucky, it wouldn't be long until he was able to finally pass out and get something resembling sleep.
"And what do you think you're doing?"
His ear twitched towards Emet-Selch's voice and for a fleeting moment, he forgot where he was and replied to that question without a thought to his words as he would have done back on the First. "Drowning myself in the pool. Why?"
"WHAT!" accosted his ears at the same time he registered what he had said and where exactly he was. He flinched as heavy footfall told him Emet-Selch was approaching and fast. He shoved himself to his feet, scrambling to face Emet-Selch so that they could talk or fight or anything but the man was already on top of him, grabbing roughly at his arm. Aether poured into him at the contact, washing through him like a wave of heat that made the water against his skin suddenly feel icy cold. "Why would-what would drive you to-" Emet-Selch demanded as he bodily yanked Echo'a out of the pool.
Water soaked his rolled pants as he fought to keep his footing and he grabbed at the top of Emet-Selch's arm to keep himself upright as he stumbled over the edge of the pool. "It was a joke!" he cut in quickly before the other could truly start berating him. "I was joking - in poor form, I know - but it was a joke."
Emet-Selch was seething when Echo'a finally managed to look at the man's face but Emet-Selch had yet to stop drowning him in aether. "Poor form! That is not something one jokes about so freely! And without a care as to how it sounded! Do you have any idea-"
"Emet, please," he tried cutting in but Emet-Selch was having none of it.
"That is Emet-Selch to you and I will have my answers! Now tell me exactly what you were doing and why you would make such a horrendous joke."
"I was trying to get my mind to calm down enough to sleep!" he barked in return. Silence met his words as he watched the anger slowly bleed from Emet-Selch's face. The concern he hadn't realized had been there as well became apparent. Echo'a shrugged, letting his gaze fall from the man's face. "And I forgot where I was for a moment. Thus my ill chosen choice of words."
The aether slowed to a stop. "And where exactly were you, then, if you were not here that such choice of words would have been tolerated."
Emet-Selch's voice was steel and Echo'a's ears flattened from the weight of it. He forced a cocky grin into place. It felt a touch too sharp. "Back from whence I came, the place for which I cannot talk about because it's complicated." He tugged at Emet-Selch's arm and the man released him like he had been burned. Heat filled Echo'a's face at the implication and his cocky grin vanished as the fountain became far easier to look at than the man before him. "As much of a utopia this may be, death was ever breathing down my neck back there." He shrugged again. "And there's only so much one can do to cope with it."
The sounds of the fountain filled the air between them.
"When we were back at Propylaion and I touched your back…"
Emet-Selch's voice was carefully neutral, probing even as the man drew his own conclusions. Echo'a tugged at an ear. "Jumpy from overwhelm," he explained. "I know you weren't dangerous but my body thought otherwise."
He jumped, his gaze snapping up to Emet-Selch's face as the man took hold of the hand that had been tugging at his ear, forcing him to stop. Emet-Selch's expression was a careful mask of mild concern yet it tightened at his reaction. "You do not seem to have the same reactions to Hythlodaeus or any others we have interacted with."
He shifted his weight as he tried not to flinch at that. It made him all that more aware of the fact that Emet-Selch had yet to let go of his hand. "Unfortunately, you have an uncanny resemblance to someone I once knew, which hasn't helped anything." He couldn't figure out if he wanted to take his hand back or leave it in the other's grasp.
Emet-Selch made the decision for him and let his hand go. "Someone who has obviously caused you harm."
"Not anymore than others I've had to deal with. Far less, in some ways."
"Enough that it makes it difficult for you to be in my presence."
"Would you believe me if I said no?" Emet-Selch crossed his arms and that was answer enough. Echo'a sighed. "Of course not. Look, out of everyone who has threatened my life and remained antagonistic throughout the entire time we knew each other, the one you resemble was the least threatening." Well, beyond maybe Elidibus but that was beside the point. He reached up to tug at an ear again but Emet-Selch caught his hand mid motion and made no move to release it a second time. He let his gaze rest on their hands, unbothered by it as he continued, "Or, well, he didn't outright try and kill me until the very end but at that point, there wasn't much choice in the matter." He huffed a bitter laugh as memories of that final encounter overlaid what he was seeing, tugging at him in a dangerous way. The heat from Emet-Selch's hand kept him from getting lost in them. "Though, looking back on it now knowing what I know, I wouldn't be surprised to learn he had forced me to either kill him or die as some convoluted plot to save my life. He never did give much away even when he had been so willing to talk."
If he did manage to sleep now, it would not be restful.
"That doesn't make any sense," Emet-Selch said, his voice the snide drawl it had been earlier in the day. However, it changed back to that careful- no, caring tone when Emet-Selch continued talking. "But, seeing as very little makes sense with you, that is far from expected." Emet-Selch's hand tightened around his; he wondered if it had been intentional or unconscious. "Am I correct to assume that event and-" Emet-Selch's expression twisted at the edge of his sight- "your close encounters with death are why you are struggling to sleep tonight."
A demand more than a question but he let it be, nodding. "It's gotten bad enough that sleeping with others in the same bed barely helps anymore. I'll sleep but it's never restful. When I'm on my own…" He had a few tricks, sure, but he didn't feel like lying and saying they would work.
Emet-Selch took advantage of his pause. "Would you feel comfortable with my asking Hythlodaeus to spend the nights we are together with you?"
His gaze snapped up to meet Emet-Selch's. A breathy, "What?" was the only thing he could manage as he sought some sort of explanation for the sudden offer; the other's expression gave nothing away.
"You are obviously far more harmless than I had originally given you credit for; however that does not change the fact that it is obvious you are far more relaxed around Hythlodaeus than you are around me and having you sleep deprived would only cause us more troubles."
"I'm just as relaxed around you as I am Hythlodaeus," he corrected. Emet-Selch's expression clearly showcased the man's disbelief. He shook his head, taking a step back. "Besides, I don't want to impose anymore than I already have." He tried to pull his hand free of Emet-Selch's grip but the man didn't let go. "You're already annoyed by the fact that I'm even here."
"Then let me put it to you this way," Emet-Selch drawled, taking a step forward to negate his retreat. "You have two choices: you willingly choose to sleep with either myself or Hythlodaeus, or you put up a fuss and I make the decision for you."
His ears flattened at that. "I am fine enough to sleep on my own."
"And if you are not, morning will come to see you bleary-eyed and half asleep. You would be nothing more than a hindrance. This is as much for my own benefit as yours. So choose."
He went to flex his hands and remembered one was still trapped in Emet-Selch's grip. Despite not being able to pull free, the grip wasn't painful. It reminded him of how Alphinaud or Alisaie would hold his hand back on the First when it became apparent the Light was harming him, a sort of desperate cling driven by the desire to help or comfort. A far cry from the real reason Emet-Selch held fast but it was a comforting reminder.
"I'd rather not wake Hythlodaeus," he finally answered, curling his fingers around Emet-Selch's hand as he sought out the comfort he knew wasn't there. "If we are still traveling together by tomorrow night, sleeping arrangements can be rediscussed when we are all awake."
Emet-Selch nodded, releasing his hand. It felt cold. "Be quick about gathering your things. It is already late enough and I would like to actually get some rest before daybreak."
Echo'a made quick work of gathering his discarded items, forgoing shoving shoes and socks back on in exchange for expediency. Emet-Selch didn't comment on the matter and simply led the way.
To Echo'a's surprise, Hythlodaeus was standing within the entryway looking as if he had simply been lounging there. A farce, really, because while Hythlodaeus smiled at both of them, his attention settled on Emet-Selch first as tension bled from Hythlodaeus's posture. "I see you have found our wayward friend."
"One who will be sharing our bed for the length of our stay," Emet-Selch said matter-of-factly.
Echo'a frowned. "Our bed?" he parroted, though it seemed to go unheard as surprise filled Hythlodaeus's expression.
"I see." Those vibrant purple eyes landed on Echo'a. "I had hoped that my concern over your late night walk had been nothing more than idle fretting but it seems my concern had merit. Not to worry, though. The bed is big enough for the three of us."
Echo'a looked to Emet-Selch. "But I thought-"
Emet-Selch waved off his concern, already heading towards the room. "As Hythlodaeus is already up, your concern is no longer valid and I no longer have to see about sleeping in any other room than the one that we had been given." Hythlodaeus's hand was warm when it covered his shoulder and he gained an encouraging smile when he glanced up. With gentle pressure, Hythlodaeus directed him to follow. Emet-Selch opened the door to a room and looked to them both with the annoyed mask from earlier in the day in place. "However, you are to bathe before you join us. I do not care how long you take but I do not want you sleeping anywhere near me smelling of pond water." The room beyond was simple and housed a bed, a dresser, and a desk. There was a door on the right hand wall opposite the bed that Emet-Selch shooed him towards. "It would be preferred if you didn't take all night, though, so get on it."
Shooting the man a confused look, he caught sight of Hythlodaeus frowning at Emet-Selch. A thought slipped in among his confusion.
Oh.
He nodded. "I'll be quick, then," he said before slipping into the bathroom.
While there might have been some truth to Emet-Selch's claim - and, honestly, he wasn't opposed to making sure his hair was clean after his dip in the pool - he was fairly certain Emet-Selch was going to use the time to fill Hythlodaeus in on what had happened. His ears pressed flat against his head as he curled in on himself for a moment before he forced himself to get about washing up. A part of him desperately wanted to know what they were talking about so that he would have some idea of what to expect when he stepped out but he knew there would be no point. Besides, the pair of them could probably see his soul through the walls and would be able to tell he was listening in.
Clean and dressed in some night pants and a random shirt, he stepped back out into the bedroom with his things bundled under an arm. His timing wasn't the greatest. Emet-Selch stopped talking mid sentence when he stepped out and the man did not finish it as both pairs of vibrant eyes landed on him. He hated it, hated how non-expressive Emet-Selch was and how sympathetic Hythlodaeus was. Try as he might to keep his discomfort from showing, his ears still drooped as he adjusted his hold on his things for an excuse to move. "Where should I put my stuff?"
"Anywhere is fine," Emet-Selch drawled, waving to the room in general as Hythlodaeus stood from the bed.
He tucked his bundle under the desk before walking over to the pair. He wanted to ask 'what now' but when he glanced between the two of them as he stood before them, the words lodged themselves in his throat and trying to coax them forth was going to be an exercise in futility. Without thinking, he reached up to tug on an ear.
Emet-Selch, who had been leaning against the wall, covered the distance between them in two strides and snatched his hand out of the air. Echo'a flinched even before Emet-Selch managed to snap, "Enough of that."
"Emet-Selch," Hythlodaeus started but Emet-Selch didn't give him a chance to finish as the man gently tugged Echo'a to Hythlodaeus.
"Get him in bed and make sure he keeps from tugging at his ears," Emet-Selch said, passing Echo'a's hand into Hythlodaeus's. Hythlodaeus's hand was colder than Emet-Selch's and held his hand with far more care but no less surety. "I am not sleeping in what I am wearing and you will be able to keep a better eye on him than I will."
Hythlodaeus chuckled before meeting Echo'a's gaze. "Do not mind him. He gets a bit grumpy when he doesn't get to bed on time." There was a snap of fingers and a pillow flung itself into the back of Hythlodaeus's head. While Echo'a jumped at the sudden attack, Hythlodaeus only laughed, catching the pillow as it fell down his back with surprisingly quick reflexes. "Yes, yes. I know. No teasing before bed." Hythlodaeus grinned at Echo'a. "It is not often we get to travel together now that he is part of the Convocation but we have often enough that our behavior may seem a bit odd compared to the composure we hold in public."
"I hold, you mean," Emet-Selch cut in, drawing Echo'a's gaze. The man had changed into a pair of pants that had excess fabric in the legs giving them a puffy look with cuffs around the ankles and was busy pulling on a long sleeved shirt that would have been skin tight had it been a size smaller. "You have never cared to hold up appearances among strangers or friends in public."
Hythlodaeus gave a thoughtful hum as he tugged the covers back. "True, but that does not negate my words." He smiled at Echo'a again. "Middle is all yours." Hythlodaeus's smile fell; his unease had made him hesitate too long. "We are quite alright sharing our bed with you for the next few nights so you needn't worry about feeling as if you are imposing. We simply thought having you sleep in the middle would help you feel the safest."
The soft sound of Emet-Selch moving about behind him stopped as Hythlodaeus waited for some sort of response. With a steadying breath, Echo'a approached the bed and clambered in. Hythlodaeus followed him as he settled on his back only for the other to settle on a propped elbow facing Echo'a. Emet-Selch resumed whatever it was he was doing at the desk but Hythlodaeus's gentle hand on his arm drew his gaze away.
"Would it be alright if I held you for a while? Emet-Selch shared what had happened and if you are open and comfortable with some comfort, I would like to give what I can to you." Echo'a's gaze flickered towards Emet-Selch. He wasn't sure what Hythlodaeus made of the look but it did cause the man to chuckle softly. "Despite the gruffness that is Emet-Selch, he is quite harmless. You needn't be wary of him."
"I'm not," he corrected, deliberately seeking out Emet-Selch's gaze. Those yellow eyes were on him before he had even looked over. Embarrassment made his cheeks tingle and he hoped they hadn't gained any color from it. "Haven't been for a while." He dropped that gaze. "It was just…I, ah…" Gods. Nope, his face was red, he knew it, because the embarrassment quickly thickened into shame. They were practically strangers and already in their bed, already requiring more from them than he ever should from a stranger, the words died in his throat. What right did he have to request more than what they were offering? It didn't matter that he knew it would not be enough, that for him to actually sleep that night he would have to ask. He rolled onto his side facing Hythlodaeus, even as he tried to hide his face against the mattress. "Nevermind."
Hythlodaeus cupped his cheek and got him to meet those vibrant purple eyes. Hythlodaeus softly scolded him. "No, no. No 'nevermind'. I would like to hear what you have to say."
"It's not important," he reflexively responded.
"Even so, what were you going to say?"
He worked his jaw, chewing on the decision between being honest and lying. Unsurprisingly, memories of each of his friends urging him to take care of himself better settled at the forefront of his thoughts, most notably G'raha. When G'raha had offered to help him weather the emotional storm he had been ignoring, he had acted before he could process the offer. Now, though, was different. This wasn't one of his friends who knew the whole story, even if they were missing a few details. This was with strangers in all but name - and face, in Emet-Selch's case - and the thought of leaning on them as he would his friends felt like crossing some line.
But they were offering. Shouldn't he at least give them the chance?
"I was just going to ask if, uh…" The words scattered and it was all he could do to not just bail again. The bed dipped behind him as Emet-Selch joined them, though he hadn't heard the man approach. Anticipation skittered along his spine and down his limbs until he was trembling from it - and everything else he was trying to ignore. He felt trapped as much as he felt ashamed of it all. He should be able to manage this - it wasn't like the words were overly complex - yet here he was struggling to get the words out acting like some frightened animal. Just a few words.
A few words that would admit just how damaged he was.
Annoyance or frustration curled through him. What did it matter that these two would know? It certainly couldn't hurt the current situation. He shoved at the mattress to roll over enough to look up at Emet-Selch. The man had slipped under the covers but was sitting back against the headboard looking down at both of them with an expression that looked almost sad from that angle. He had no doubt it was his imagination.
Just a few words. Enough for them to understand. That was it.
He just couldn't make it a request.
"It'd be better if both of you did but I get it if that's not-"
Something akin to pain flickered across Emet-Selch's expression. Hythlodaeus's arms immediately wrapped around him and Echo'a rolled back onto his side as Hythlodaeus pulled him into his chest. Echo'a felt Emet-Selch move behind him until the man pressed against his back, slipping his arms between Echo'a and Hythlodaeus, one hand settling on Echo'a's shoulder, the other on the opposite hip in a crushing hold. Echo'a clung to the arm that crossed his chest, waiting for the trembling to subside now that the worst was done and over with. Every single one of Emet-Selch's exhales washed over the back of his neck and for a brief, delusional moment he thought he was entangled with G'raha and the twins.
"Oh, Echo'a," Hythlodaeus spoke into his hair, the words thick with emotions Echo'a couldn't pick apart. "You needn't fear making such a request. Neither of us will think less of you for it. It is plain you have suffered through much in such a short life and while it may be hard to rely on us after such a short time together, know that you are safe now, that you are cared about."
A bitter sob clawed its way out of his chest. While it must have startled and possibly upset both of them, neither Hythlodaeus nor Emet-Selch reached beyond tightening their hold on him. He had wanted it to only be the one sob but with a second already following the first and their reaction, that desire was blatantly ignored as he was forced to finally face the overwhelm of being sent to the past and everything else that had led up to such a decision in the first place.
Morning came with him waking first. He couldn't remember if he had simply cried himself to sleep or had managed to calm down before passing out. Not that it mattered now. Both Emet-Selch and Hythlodaeus were still bodily wrapped around him, still sound asleep. Idly he wondered if they had stayed up after he had fallen asleep talking about him or some other topic until hours had passed. They seemed the type to, at the very least.
He curled a bit more into Hythlodaeus's chest, feeling hollow at the thought.
Emet-Selch's lax arm across his chest flexed, dragging him back against the man's chest. "You're ok," Emet-Selch muttered into his hair, the words thick with sleep. "You're safe."
He pressed his face more into the mattress, muttering a soft, "I know."
Emet-Selch reached up with his other hand and carefully ran it over Echo'a's hair and one of his ears. "Once Hythlodaeus wakes up, we will go down for some food and then see about postponing any further observations until later in the afternoon."
He frowned. "Don't you have a deadline or something?"
He felt Emet-Selch shrug a shoulder. "He has asked for more time to decide. Until he gives me an answer, I am stuck waiting around. And even if I were to lose a full day of observation, it would change very little."
Emet-Selch had yet to stop running his hand through Echo'a's hair and it was making it hard for him to keep his eyes open. He gave a hum of acknowledgement, lacking anything to properly respond with. There was a puff of air against the back of his neck and he wondered if Emet-Selch had just chuckled. "Go back to sleep. No need for two of us to be awake right now."
Echo'a didn't care enough to complain, let alone fight him on the matter. He situated himself a bit more comfortably before falling asleep in a matter of minutes to the sound of Hythlodaeus's steady breathing and to Emet-Selch's fingers running through his hair, over and over again.
Waking was slower the second time, lulled to remain in that limbo by the gentle rumbling of voices and a hand carding through his hair in long, slow strokes. Emet-Selch's voice was a faint, low rumble at the edge of his hearing. He couldn't quite pinpoint where the man was nor the words but Hythlodaeus's voice came from above his head, clear even though the words made equally no sense. Not even the Echo gave him any insight to what they were discussing and he wasn't sure he cared enough to do anything about it.
A door clicked shut and his eyes opened.
"Good morning," Hythlodaeus greeted as the hand stilled on his head. "You can get some more sleep if you want."
The hand on his head slipped away as he sat up. The blankets caught on one side from Hythlodaeus sitting on top of them, lounging against the headboard looking ready to start the day. "No, I'm awake now. Where did Emet go?"
"Emet-Selch," Hythlodaeus gently corrected. "And he went to speak with Hermes. We were planning on letting you sleep until he returned."
Echo'a nodded, crossing his legs under the blankets snagged around his waist. Propping an elbow on a knee, he ran his other hand over his hair before running it down an ear. His mind seemed determined to run through every little detail of the previous night, every word, every action, his plea to a pair of strangers when he was supposed to-
He straightened as something took hold of his hand and it took a split second before he realized it was Hythlodaeus's hand quickly loosening the grip on his ear to pull his hand away. He looked over and found Hythlodaeus had moved to sit beside him, worry marring the man's face as he held Echo'a's hand in his lap. "Enough of that," Hythlodaeus gently chastised, echoing Emet-Selch's words from the previous night. He doubted it was intentional. The worry on Hythlodaeus's face only deepened and he could see the other carefully choosing his words before speaking. "I am aware that you may not wish to but would you consider sharing whatever has you worrying your ear so? It might not solve anything but I would hope it would at least ease the need to do such things."
"It's nothing. Just some running thoughts."
Hythlodaeus was having none of that and gave Echo'a's hand a squeeze as he stated adamantly, "Running thoughts that are causing you enough distress to harm yourself."
"I'm not pulling hard enough to-"
"Even if you are not, over time you will." The finality of that statement drew Echo'a up short, leaving him to wonder after who else Hythlodaeus had spoken with about such things. And how bad it had gotten before the other had become aware of the behavior. "Please, Echo'a. It is obviously not nothing and should it be anything that I or Emet-Selch can assist with, allow us the chance to do so."
Echoes of their arms tight around him flittered across his awareness. "There's nothing you two can help with. It's all-" He clenched his jaw against the desire to lie. Ignoring the burn of shame wasn't exactly hard but it made his skin crawl nonetheless. "I'm just fretting about my own actions last night: things where I overstepped or should have done better."
Hythlodaeus cupped the side of Echo'a's face, assuring him, "You did not overstep. As we had both stated last night, we are quite happy to accommodate you while you are here with us."
His face twisted in both annoyance and confusion as he pulled back. Hythlodaeus's hand slipped free, lingering in the air long enough for him to notice it. "But you shouldn't have to!" he bit back, shame quick to drive anger forward. "You've known me for barely a full day and you're going to such lengths for a stranger."
"Echo'a." His ears flattened for a brief moment but he did manage to hold Hythlodaeus's gaze. The man offered him a soft smile. It looked a bit sad. "Do you remember how I spoke of being able to discern the color of souls?" It shouldn't have felt like that had happened a week ago. Echo'a nodded. "While it is not an uncommon gift to have, I am able to see both soul and aether far clearer than most. And as the aether Emet-Selch gave you has settled and been absorbed, your soul has returned to its natural shape; one riddled with the scars of your past." Echo'a winced and fought the desire to curl in on himself knowing it would not hide the invisible scars. Hythlodaeus was quick to catch his chin and hold his gaze steady before it could fall. "There is nothing to be ashamed of. Your soul is still as beautiful as one unblemished and I would be more inclined to encourage you to hold your head high, for the scars you bear speak of your strength of will and what you have overcome." Hythlodaeus brushed his thumb against Echo'a's cheek as those vibrant purple eyes seemed to focus on a point through him. "As it also speaks for the aid you received during such tribulations. Echoes of others linger on your soul, patches of the faintest discoloration that should have faded after the aether had been given and absorbed. Almost as if, when it had been given, you had been unable to take it on properly."
He immediately thought of the First; of waking feeling fine despite the pain in his very soul; of being unable to feel his body until Alisaie brought it to his attention; the strange pain when the others gave him aether; the constant need for them to give him more as his body- his soul seemed incapable of using it properly. To think such things had left a visible mark on his soul.
Hythlodaeus blinked and those vibrant eyes focused on his face again as a fond smile tugged at Hythlodaeus's lips. "They speak of a soul very much cared for." That smile faltered at the edges. "Despite the faintness and age of the marks left by those other souls, I can tell that the majority of them were caused at the same time. Am I correct?"
He shuddered at the memory of the pain from the first transfer, the memory so thick he lost sight of Hythlodaeus in front of him. He didn't want to talk about this anymore.
He nodded.
"Then would I also be correct in assuming this is not the first time your soul has not properly filled your form?"
It was as if someone had replaced his spine with an icicle, icy dread slowly seeping into his veins as he stared wide-eyed at Hythlodaeus. "What?" he asked, but it was more of a reaction than a question needing answer. He pressed his free hand against his chest, fingers curling into the fabric and digging into his skin as he turned his attention inward. Ardbert had repaired the damage caused by the Light - the others had told him as much - and he had been pretty aware of his body since then. Surely Hythlodaeus was mistaken or maybe Emet-Selch had erred-
The thought of Emet-Selch making a mistake was ludacris. The man was the epitome of perfection; had there been an error, he would have corrected it by then.
Hythlodaeus's fingers curled around the hand against his chest, forcing his fingers to release their grip. "Echo'a?"
His mouth was dry. "Oh, um, yes; there was- there was one time before but it had been fixed."
The water turning ice cold against his skin as Emet-Selch gave him far too much aether filled his awareness.
He snatched his hands back from Hythlodaeus and rubbed hard at his face as he struggled to keep from spiraling. He was fine. There wasn't any Light to change him into a sin eater and doom a world to be consumed by it and it wasn't like he was having issues using magicks or telling when he was exhausted or in pain. A little separation between body and soul was fine. It wasn't harming anything.
It was fine.
It had to be fine.
It had to.
Hands closed around his own and he immediately released his ears in order to shove the touch away, scrambling for distance he never gained as hands caught him by the shoulders before grasping his head to hold him steady. He tried to grab at the wrists and found only fabric, fabric that wasn't supposed to be there, fabric that was not anything Thancred wore. A choked sob escaped him in among his ragged breathing as he shoved at the arms. No, he couldn't deal with- he wanted Thancred. He wanted it all to stop and Thancred always made it stop.
But that was the problem, wasn't it? He was relying on others to help fix him when there was no fixing him. With the Light used in that final confrontation, Ardbert had merged their souls healing the damage done and the others had said that it had been-
They had said-
A hand pressed against the nape of his neck and familiar aether washed over him; but instead of every time before where it was meant to fill him and replace what he had lost, this aether wrapped around him, warm and calm, sapping the panic from him so absolutely that it left him feeling drained and exhausted. He went limp, caught by Hythlodaeus and pulled tight against the man's chest as the hand on his neck left and another found his hair. Or maybe it was the same hand.
"-should have known better than to ask," Hythlodaeus was rushing in a panic, his voice barely louder than a whisper. "If I had thought for two seconds-"
"There was no better way of broaching the subject; you did nothing wrong," Emet-Selch cut in, the words gruff but no louder than Hythlodaeus's. There was a tenderness to them that Echo'a was certain he wasn't supposed to be privy to. "It was better you asked than I. Despite his words last night, I expect he would have fought me had I attempted to do the same."
"But you were able to-"
"A byproduct of having given him aether before. He holds enough trust for it that he lacked any fight against my manipulation." Fabric shifted briefly. "A concerning lack of fight, at that."
There was a pause before Hythlodaeus whispered, "I can't-" Hythlodaeus's breath caught. "I have never seen a soul like his. None who I have watched return to the star, who have suffered what hardships our world may hold, ever bore such scars or discoloration and now having seen it up close-" There was a slight movement in Hythlodaeus's posture Echo'a didn't understand. "Not even his has sustained this much and we both know he doesn't tell us everything." A breath and then, "Please tell me that this harm was not caused by another, that I am mistaken in what I see."
The sound of fabric moving accompanied a small movement from Hythlodaeus and silence met that plea. It wasn't until Hythlodaeus started trembling that he realized the other was crying. Dragging himself out of the lethargy as best he could, he lifted his head and found two pairs of vibrant eyes on him, a pair of brilliantly purple full of pain and tears and a pair of gleaming yellow that held no emotions at all. Emet-Selch had an arm around Hythlodaeus's shoulders and Hythlodaeus's head had been tucked under his chin before Echo'a had sat up; he could see the wet spots from Hythlodaeus's tears on Emet-Selch's robe.
He couldn't quite remember why he had gotten himself upright - Hythlodaeus's arms still securely wrapped around him were the only reason he remained so - but he knew he had a question to answer. He met those brilliantly purple eyes. "You asked after my soul not…" What was the wording Hythlodaeus had used? "…not filling my form properly, if it was not the first time." He shook his head. "It isn't. There was a…mmm, situation that required me taking on excess aether." That's right; he wanted to make it clear the damage had been his choice. "A lot of it." Blinding white light filling his body, changing him, destroying him from the inside out. "It reached a point where I could no longer contain it and it took…it took a good friend sealing it away for me to not be harmed by it but, when she did, she was forced to bind my aether with it as she had been unable to separate it from mine." Was he making sense? "It separated my aether from my body, making it difficult to feel my body or process anything properly." He was tempted to mention the food but he wasn't sure if that had been from his aether being bound or if it had been from being nearly turned into a sin eater.
"And how long ago was that?" Emet-Selch asked, his voice a low rumble.
Echo'a frowned. "A few months?" Give or take; he couldn't seem to bring up what had happened when. Everything was a muddled mess in his head. "I'm not sure; why?"
Hythlodaeus's expression only fell more. The only reaction he got from Emet-Selch was a blink of those staring eyes. "If it had occurred recently, then it would explain the displacement between your soul and your form. But recently meant within the last month at most. A few months…" Emet-Selch shook his head. "I would need more information before I could surmise a possible cause for the displacement now."
"So it was never fixed?"
Emet-Selch's perpetual frown deepened. "When I first gave you aether, your soul dictated your form far more than anything I had done. And when it was all said and done, your soul had been properly seated within, as brilliant as any other soul - outside of an odd thinness that refused to be corrected. The displacement didn't show until later in the day, sometime after the meeting with Hermes."
Hythlodaeus ran a hand through Echo'a's hair. "You had questioned why we were going to such lengths for a stranger." When there was no reaction from Emet-Selch, Echo'a was quick to assume the man had either overheard that part or was really good at maintaining that emotionless mask. Oddly, he found himself hoping for the former. It made things easier. "Despite the short amount of time we have known you, what we have seen and witnessed has proven to us that you are a soul worth caring for. And while I cannot say if our assistance will correct the displacement, it won't get worse while you are with us."
Emet-Selch scoffed. "As if I would let it."
Echo'a leaned into Hythlodaeus again, the lethargy starting to become too much to fight against. "You don't have to, you know. I'll be fine."
Hythlodaeus's arms tightened around him. When he spoke, it was in a soft voice into his ear. "We know. We want to; so let us."
It still didn't sit well with him but it wasn't like he could stop them even if he wanted to. "Thank you. Both of you."
He was certain it was Emet-Selch's hand in his hair as Emet-Selch said, "Yes, well. I expect you to not overexert yourself for the duration. Excessive use of aether may as well worsen the issue." A breath and then, "That said: you are going to be tired for another hour or so, so it is in your best interest to not fight it and get some more sleep."
"Are you both going to breakfast?" Echo'a asked, curious.
From Hythlodaeus's response, it hadn't been taken as a simple inquiry. "One of us can stay here." His reassuring tone turned teasing, though something wavered at the edges. "I am sure Emet-Selch would not mind an excuse to hide out in the room after having been out this morning."
Strangely, Emet-Selch made no comment leaving Echo'a to wonder if the man had glared at Hythlodaeus instead. Or maybe they had shared some silent conversation. "If he doesn't mind, I don't," Echo'a said, giving his opinion on the matter simply because he could. "But I am ok if you both go to breakfast. All I'm going to do is sleep."
And probably dream but no one said the nap had to be restful.
Again, a pause where it seemed like there should have been a comment. That pause ended when Hythlodaeus's arms slipped away quickly replaced by Emet-Selch's. The man slipped an arm behind his back and an arm under his knees, tucking Echo'a's head against his shoulder in the motion of picking him up. Emet-Selch's voice was a low rumble around him but Echo'a wasn't sure if Emet-Selch had been talking to him or to Hythlodaeus, not that it mattered. Whatever Emet-Selch might have said or done was missed as he curled closer and gave into the exhaustion.
The dreams came in a torrent, twisted mess of memories. One moment he was going up against Gaius and the Ultima Weapon, the next he was facing a Nidhogg-changed Estinien, only for that to give way to a Shinryu-infused Zenos. With each shift, with each different iteration of some overpowered assailant, Echo'a found himself growing weaker and weaker. Vauthry fully transformed toyed with him until suddenly Vauthry became Emet-Selch - or was it Hades now? - and it was all Echo'a could do to survive.
The attack slammed into his side, hard and fast and painful as it flung him to the edge of the platform. He rolled across the ground and threw out a hand to stop himself before he was thrown over the edge.
His hand was white, distorted, wrong in a way that made him want to scream but he couldn't. His mouth, his lungs, not even his own hand responded to anything he tried to do as he watched his body move towards his friends he hadn't even realized had been there. They were battered, at least three unconscious, and the only one standing between him and the others was G'raha - not the Crystal Exarch as it should have been against that backdrop of the skeleton remains of Amaurot but the G'raha he had seen barely days prior clinging to a bleeding shoulder and most of his weight on one leg. His staff glowed with aether, reflecting off of fresh crystal climbing G'raha's injured arm. Emet-Selch's laughter filled his head as his body leapt at G'raha even as he fought to get it to stop.
He surged forward and managed to get up on a hip as best he could, trapped by something heavy across his legs and lower torso. He ripped at it, heart thudding in his chest as he tried to reorientate himself with where he was, desperate to find his friends as he failed to dredge up if they had survived his attack.
Someone grabbed at him.
Instinct drove him to turn, dragging a knee high out from under the covers aiming for a shoulder or head, anything to get them to let go and give him space. His weapons were against the opposite wall - why was his gear so far away? - and he just needed time to get to them.
Emet-Selch took the knee to his bicep with a grunt before the man shoved a hand against his chest and pinned him to the bed. Automatically his hands wrapped around Emet-Selch's wrist, breath ragged and reeling to lash out again-
"You are safe," Emet-Selch bit out, exasperated as if it wasn't the first time he had said it. "There is no one here trying to harm you."
He blinked and the guise of Solus zos Galvus vanished, leaving him confused by Emet-Selch's voice coming from a face he half recognized. Another blink and reality started to click into place. Slowly he let the tension leave his limbs, eyes locked with Emet-Selch's. The expression there quickly lost the anger, replaced with concern and…was that guilt? He released Emet-Selch's wrist as his breathing returned to normal but the man didn't remove his hand; instead, the pressure eased until the hand was simply resting there.
The silence grew too heavy. "Sorry," he said just to fill it.
Emet-Selch shook his head. "And what exactly are you sorry for?" The words were still sharp but he wasn't sure if that sharpness was directed at him specifically or just a side effect of what had just happened. "Getting caught in a nightmare that you cannot control or the blow I wholly deserved for trying to interrupt it incorrectly?"
"Yes," he answered tentatively, unable to tell if the question had been genuine or rhetorical.
Emet-Selch sighed heavily and finally removed his hand. "Neither require an apology so I refuse to accept it." Emet-Selch's neutral annoyed expression returned as the man crossed his arms. "It is about time you ate something. Do you require a moment to wash up?"
He sat up and made a face when his shirt clung to him. It would not have surprised him if the offer had been made because Emet-Selch had noticed the sweat clinging to him. "Unfortunately." He slipped from the bed and did not miss how Emet-Selch took a solid step back to give him room. His ears fell slightly, uncomfortable not knowing exactly why the man had done so. Had he spoken out in his sleep or was Emet-Selch simply giving him space? "I'll be quick."
"Take your time," followed him into the bathroom.
The bedroom was surprisingly empty when he stepped out a short while later dressed in the robe Emet-Selch had made for him. The door was ajar so either Emet-Selch had stepped out into the hallway or the man had failed to close the door properly when he left. Assuming the former until proven otherwise, he made for the door.
"…stayed with him."
Echo'a stilled with his hand reaching for the door as Hythlodaeus's words reached him.
Emet-Selch huffed. "For what good it did."
"Did something happen?"
"A nightmare." The words were annoyed. "I had only stepped to the desk for a few short minutes when he suddenly flung himself upright ready for a fight. When I went to calm him down, he kneed me in the shoulder. Hard." A breath and then with a tone that sounded almost wounded, "The terror and rage when he had looked at me…"
Fabric rustled and he heard the shift of shoes against the stone floor. Silence followed for a long moment but he couldn't bring himself to open the door.
Hythlodaeus spoke up in a soft voice, his question gentle yet no less probing. "And you had been with him up until then?"
"He was curled against my thigh as I sat reading," Emet-Selch confirmed. "Sleeping peacefully, or so I had thought."
"Hades," Hythlodaeus whispered, the word choked.
"I know. Whatever he has been through…" A pause before the next words came out in a growl. "If I ever find out who caused this much harm to another soul for him to suffer from this level of trauma, I will make them rue the day they even considered doing such things."
"He won't tell us," Hythlodaeus reminded Emet-Selch, the words calm but he could make out the pain behind them.
"Give him time. I am certain you will get the full story out of him at some point. His talking of his damaged soul had been for your sake; you know that, right?" There wasn't a verbal reply but he assumed Hythlodaeus had at least nodded when Emet-Selch didn't press the matter. "I will see what I can find when we return to Amaurot. Until then, we do what we can and help him through the worst of it."
"And when this is all done? Surely he won't be returning with us. He had his own reasons for being here."
"If things go well, we can ask him to join us, even if only for a short while. As much as I would prefer to accompany him to wherever he is returning to, we both have to return to Amaurot when we are done here."
He was not looking forward to the day they had to part ways. At least he could take comfort in their ignorance of what would come to pass.
Echo'a reached for the door and opened it, deliberately raising his ears in a show of surprise when he set his gaze on Emet-Selch and Hythlodaeus. The pair were standing next to the door, Hythlodaeus huddled against Emet-Selch's chest as Emet-Selch leaned both their weight against the wall. Though both pairs of eyes were on him the moment he stepped out and their expressions calm and neutral, the embrace did not end.
The droop in his ears wasn't intentional as he said, "I'm sorry for the wait. I'm ready now."
Hythlodaeus smiled at him, stepping away from Emet-Selch to take hold of Echo'a's hand. "No need to apologize. Come. Let us get you some food. You hardly ate any of dinner."
Echo'a mentally winced at that. Of course they would have noticed. He tried to shrug it off. "Wasn't particularly hungry."
Hythlodaeus's happy expression took on a sad edge as he gave Echo'a's hand a squeeze. "Quite understandable. Hopefully you will be nice and hungry today."
Echo'a sought out Emet-Selch's gaze and found those vibrant yellow eyes watching. Moving before he could think too much on what he was doing, Echo'a stepped up to Emet-Selch's side and pressed against it, seeking comfort he couldn't ask for. Emet-Selch tensed under him briefly before wrapping an arm across his back, pinning him to the man's side. "I hope so," he said into Emet-Selch's robe.
Hythlodaeus's arm wrapped around his shoulders, hugging him from the other side.