Chapter 6:

Missing Something

With a twist and pull, the head came right off. Viktor passed the bronze head up to his hex-claw and exposed the meticulously maintained innards of the automaton. With as much care as though it were a living body, he moved aside the wires, examined them and the mechanics beneath them, and made any adjustments he deemed necessary. He only had two functioning automatons at the moment and it did not seem likely that he would be able to afford building any others in the near future, so he wanted to ensure that the ones he had were functioning perfectly. To that end, he had adjusted their monthly maintenance to become bi-weekly. It was a decision that also had the benefit of giving his apprentice ample practice.

All four of them were gathered in Emberflit's workshop. Expanding the workshop to a functioning lab had been placed at the enviable fourth slot on the list of priorities, and so despite most of the house still being in a state of needing repairs, the lab was quite well furnished. A wall between two rooms had been carefully removed by Viktor, making this the largest room in the house, and it was furnished to be as much an operating theater as it was a mechanic's shop.

At the right side of the room under a powerful chem-lamp was the operating table from the factory, one of the few pieces of equipment they had gone back to retrieve. Behind it stood a locking cabinet, filled with Viktor's collection of medicine and chemical augments, and a newly installed sink, the finally accomplished priority number eight. Befitting of its role, this right side was the more orderly and clean side of this workshop. The left side, where he and Ren were, still had unpacked boxes stacked in its corner and a cork board covering a section of the wall that still had bullet holes in it. They each sat on a stool on either side of the long metal work table that dominated the space, with all the tools they needed spread out between them.

Viktor looked up from his work over to where Renatus was as he reached for a small set of pliers. He was perched on the edge of his stool, more standing than sitting, and had the other automaton's arm stretched out before him as he worked his way through cleaning the joints in its hand. Scrape by tiny scrape, he removed the grime that accumulated from simply being in Zaun. His eyes were bright and focused. He appeared content in his business. Viktor was relieved that the stress of the nightmares had dissipated over the last two days. He had been right; work had been the best remedy for the troubled mind.

"Okay, Mary that should take care of your hand. Elbow is next. You'll be clean in no time. Just don't look back at Percy right now. You won't like what you see."

The automaton was set in maintenance mode and made no response to any of the boy's words.

Viktor was fond of these automatons. They were not particularly strong and possessed no combat capabilities, but their programing had been among the most complex of his creations, capable of performing a wide variety of tasks with only minimal direction needed. Ren however was especially fond of them, having gone so far as to give them names and spoke to them as though they were other humans. Despite their advanced programing, they did not possess any true will of their own, their processing as close to Blitzcrank's capabilities as a basalisk was to a drake. As a result, Ren's conversations with them were always one sided excuses for him to fill the quiet with the sound of his voice.

"I still do not understand why you named them." Viktor commented.

"Mary and Percy? I did more than name them. I had little stories for them and drew pictures of a blissful life of two robots in love."

He watched Ren wave the little brush he was holding through the air as though he were drawing something. As if sensing his eyes upon him, Ren looked over his shoulder.

"What? I know how you're looking at me under that mask. I was bored. I wasn't exactly receiving visitors and there were days I saw them more than you. I needed something to keep myself from losing my mind. You kept me in a janitor's closet for months."

"It was a storage closet."

"Janna's Mercy, Doc, that's not better." Ren laughed.

"If you are going to criticize me, be accurate about it."

Another quick laugh came from Ren. Then he was quiet and he resumed his work cleaning the automaton's hand. Viktor studied his face. The young man was still smiling as he worked, but it was a softer smile, the kind when you could never be sure if the wearer was happy or sad. In either case, he looked thoughtful.

"I don't like thinking about the past too much." Ren said. "And I especially don't like thinking about it when it's something that would make me upset or get mad at someone but, man, some of those days were tough. No, I'd much rather think about how happy I was that I was alive when I look back. Not the other stuff."

"You have fair reasons to criticize me. I was not as attentive as I could have been and I did keep you in a storage room for months."

"Almost a year, if I am supposed to be going for accuracy. I was there until we left. But no, the room wasn't the big problem. I mean, it wasn't wicked nice, I got used to it and made it better, but it wasn't great. When was the last time you slept on a cot? Better than the street but –ah."

He put down the brush he was holding with the kind of force someone would reserve for stamping their foot in frustration. The click of a brush hitting a table was a far less intimidating sound though.

"Look, the room wasn't the worst part, okay? And neither were the aches in my stump or smoothies for every meal. It was the loneliness. That was the worst." Ren let out a long sigh, calming his tone. "You really have no idea how lonely I was."

"No, I do not."

It was a subtle movement, but Viktor watched Ren's shoulder tense as though he had been struck. It was one thing to voice your concerns about another's shortcomings, but it was another to hear them confirmed. Viktor kept talking.

"I will admit that I had not considered your loneliness during those early months together. My attention was given to your physical wellbeing."

"You've gotten a little better, but I know you still don't fully understand."

"I do not seek companionship from others the way you do. Solitude does not trouble me. Solitude suits me."

"You would miss me if I was gone though, right?"

Gentle reassurance was not something Viktor was especially skilled at giving but he knew it was the type of response Ren was looking for. He possessed none of his apprentice's sentimentality. Looking back on relationships he had with others did not fill him with a sense of nostalgia. He simply viewed them and appreciated them for what they were but felt no longing to rekindle any. Missing anyone was not something he gave much thought to and he hoped an honest answer would satisfy Ren.

"I have not considered that a possibility." Viktor answered. "I do not see a scenario in which you would you leave without notice nor do I see one where I send you abruptly from my side. If you were gone and I did not know the reason why, I would search for you."

"Okay, but what if I was gone gone? Reason doesn't matter and you can't look for me. Would you miss me?"

The answer to this question would not be one Ren wanted to hear. Viktor had experienced many partings in his life and always he had continued on as before. He did not miss his classmates from his Academy days, he did not miss his acolytes form his first lab, he did not miss Blitzcrank or Moyna when they were not around, nor did he miss his parents in the long stretches of time between his visits. Seeing those he thought favorably of would be pleasant occasions but he did not require the presence of others to be content. He imagined it would be much the same for Renatus. His life would simply return to how it had been before he found the boy. It had been a comfortable existence.

Comfortable. Routine. Predictable.

Renatus had changed that. He never knew what to expect when the boy returned from his ventures in Zaun; be it some injury, the promise of a new patient, a tale of heroics, or some rambling story about any number of things. The not knowing exactly what to expect kept Viktor's mind stimulated in a way few other things did. Then there were the meals Renatus would cook. Though it was not necessary and Viktor could fend for himself without difficulty, eating what was cooked was enjoyable. It was not something he would have put the effort into doing for himself. His aid in certain tasks was also welcome; all things that could be accomplished alone but were easier with a partner. Although, there were other tasks that were brought to a crawl by his participation, most often due to inexperience.

Ren touched nearly every aspect of his life but was not necessary for it, save for one part. Teaching. Gathering knowledge for his own sake was rewarding, but imparting it to another was fulfilling in a way nothing else in his life was. Their time together was not a stirring lecture as it was with the Glorious Evolved. There was a calm, quiet peace to his time with his apprentice, despite his excitable nature, that was almost as comfortable as solitude. It was not necessary to survive or even thrive in his life, but he believed he much preferred having this fulfillment in his life than not.

"You absence would be felt." He said.

That ambivalent smile returned to Ren's face. He turned back to Mary, grabbed a rag from the workbench, and unscrewed a bottle of oil.

"I'll just take that as a 'yes.'" he said, his good natured tone returning. "And I know you didn't ask, but if you were suddenly gone, I'd miss you."

"I do not doubt that."

The curls on Ren's head bobbed along as he nodded.

Ren poured out a small amount of oil onto his rag and started on the next step. He rubbed the protective chems over the metal, taking great care to make sure that it was worked into the joints of the automaton. Viktor made not comment on it, but he did notice that as Ren moved to Mary's face, his grip on the rag changed, and he used his thumb to gently clean as though he were washing a human's face rather than his knuckles as he did for the rest of it.

"Another question for you." Ren asked as he rubbed the automaton's sculpted lips.

"What is it?"

"You think it's odd that I humanize them and have my fun but you were the one who made them so human looking? I know you didn't sculpt the statues they're made from but that wasn't anything else you could have used? I mean, this couldn't have been the most efficient thing to do." He cleaned along the edge of Mary's optical sensor. It had been seamlessly fitted into the statue's eye, eyelid included. Not very 'functionality over form,' huh?"

"I wanted to challenge myself." Viktor answered.

He looked inside the chest cavity of the automaton he was working on. All the components were neatly tucked inside. No space was wasted.

"I wanted to see if I could create a functional automaton within the confines of the statues while altering their outwards appearance as little as possible. They were skillfully sculpted. It would have been a shame to destroy them."

"Wait? Did I hear you right or are your words in the Gray? You? Appreciating art and going out of your way for it?"

Ren leaned back in his stool as far as he could to look at Viktor.

"Do not lean like that. You may fall and injure yourself." Viktor said.

"Come on, answer the question. Did you do something just for aesthetic of it?"

"Am I not allowed to appreciate the human form cast in metal?"

"You are and if that's what you want, I can always draw you something."

"I do not desire any more of your suggestive art."

"I draw non-suggestive stuff too."

"I do not require your art. Now sit upright before you fall and injure yourself."

"Alright, your loss." Ren swung himself upright with enough momentum that he hopped up to a standing position. "Just wanted to offer since you apparently have a taste in art."

"It is appreciation for craftsmanship. This should not surprise you."

"If that's what you want to call it." Ren shrugged.

"That is exactly what I am calling it."

"If it helps you indulge in your humanity, I'm all for it."

Viktor shook his head and turned back to his work. He secured the automaton's head onto its body again with a firm twist. From the corner of his eye, he could see that Ren was still watching him.

"What is it?" he asked.

"Nothing really. Just watching you. You know, you don't bristle as much when I use the word 'human' to describe you as you used to. I don't know if you ever noticed, but it would usually make your hex-claw twitch."

To emphasize his point, Ren raised his right arm up and pretended move it as he had seen the hex-claw move.

"It does not annoy me as it used to."

"Ah-hah, so you are embracing your inner humanity then!"

The over exaggerated pointing of Ren's "hex-claw" told Viktor that this accusation was not to be taken seriously.

"No, I have simply concluded that being irksome is part of your human nature. It is habitual but tolerable."

"Oof, 'irksome,' ouch. I'd say that's a bit hurtful, but yeah, you're right. But in my defense, I had to be."

"You had to be?"

Ren gestured around the room, at the automatons, the tools, partially completed augmentations, cabinet of chems, anatomical diagrams pinned to the wall, and finally Viktor himself.

"To someone who has heard the stories about the mad scientist that turns people into robots against their will, you're scary. And then to get brought back to an operating room by this man, have him chop off your leg, meaning there is absolutely no way in the hells you can run away, and then waking up strapped down to a table while everything smells too sterile; I was scared. You kept yourself unknown and it kept you as the mad scientist from the stories. Seeing you get annoyed with me, it humanized you, it made you less scary. And the more you wanted me to be just a subject in an experiment, something with just a number and letter for a name, the more I wanted you to act more human. I didn't care if it was through annoying you, getting you to eat something solid, or your reaction to Lady Science. Strange way of getting even, I know. But here we are, you, the Doc and me, ReN-12. It all worked out."

This was not at all how Viktor had imagined it would turn out when he first brought him back. He was never supposed to get attached to his subject. I would only complicate things. It had complicated things. But Renatus had ceased being just a test subject and the complications were manageable.

"It has." Viktor agreed.

"And just so you know, when I try to annoy you now, it's because I like you."

"That is an unconventional way of showing affection."

"It's more common than you think." Ren smirked.

"I will defer to you on this matter."

"Good call."

It was still such a foreign thing to hear those words said to him. "I like you." When most people spoke positively of him, the phrase was usually "I respect your knowledge," "your vision inspires me," or "I admire your creations," with all words of affection being directed towards his work, not himself. And when there were those who said "I like you," Viktor knew that the only thing they actually liked was how his skills would benefit them. It didn't sound like that coming from Renatus though. He couldn't explain how but when he said it, the word sounded personal and stronger than such a commonly spoken word should.

His thoughts were interrupted by Ren.

"Hey Doc?"

"Yes?"

"Since we left the Glorious Evolved, I've been thinking. I know you don't always get me and that's fine, you don't have to, but I think I need to spend more time with people who do get me."

"I am not your peer. It is understandable."

"So you're alright with me going out and spending time with my friends?"

"My opinions of them never prevented you from seeking them out before."

"True but I want to try and be better than just wandering off whenever, especially since I know you would come looking for me now."

"The effort is appreciated."

"So that's approval, yes?"

"You are not a prisoner here, Renatus. If your obligations here are tended to and I do not require you, you may do as you please. Use your best judgement."

"Thanks! I need this."

He smiled in earnest.

With newfound vigor, Ren returned to the task at hand. Viktor however felt his mind begin to wander. Ren didn't often talk of his first few weeks living in the old factory and, if he were being honest with himself, Viktor did not think much of them either, at least compared to their last half-year together. But upon this brief reflection, he would concede that Ren had a number of things he could fairly criticize him for.

Viktor wanted to do better. There was something about when Ren smiled gently at him that made his stomach feel like there was a slime covered sump lamprey twisting inside him. It might have been shame at how he had been so callous to the bright, young man when they had first met. Would things have turned out differently if he had behaved otherwise? Viktor stopped those thoughts as swiftly as they came. He could not change the past, so dwelling on the unpleasant feelings that came with lingering thoughts was not productive. Why should he waste his time on an unproductive emotion? Why, when he could instead be making progress?