I do not own Harry Potter, the Wizarding World, or any canon characters.
When you thought my writing couldn't get any more lazy, it somehow does. To go off the same premise as Hedwig speaks, I thought it would be fun to do a Hedwig Edit of her more prominent chapters and revisit them and make them more fun. It's been a bit rough lately, so doing something like this helped me smile so I hope you all like it.
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Extended Family
Chapter 156 – Hedwig Edit: Bacon Bacchanalia
Takes place after Harry and Katie got married but before Dahlia was born.
Harry sighed softly, trying to get comfortable. He was currently at home on sick leave, recovering from an injury. A rather nasty collision involving a Bludger, the opposing Chaser and Seeker, and some strong winds had made him walk away with many broken bones. Luckily he was able to walk away. The other two had to be taken off the field and would have a long time of recovery.
He did not feel bad though, for them anyways. Considering they conspired to injure Harry first they got what they deserved in his, and many other peoples', opinion. Still, the end result as that he was off the team for some time dealing with lots of bone repair, vanishing, and skelegrow.
Katie was out of the country for a bit on a conference and could not come back swiftly. He also did not tell her the true extent of his injuries so that she would not worry. Andromeda and Samantha were at the same conference and all of Harry's other friends were incredibly busy and off doing what they needed to do.
He found himself feeling a little bored and lonely. It was still a novel experience for him, the concept of being lonely. He had been alone for so long, until Hogwarts, and while he never took his friendships for granted, it still surprised him how truly lonely he could feel. Even at his busiest between his mastery work and Quidditch, he usually found himself spending time with someone outside of the Bells and Blacks and Tonks a few times a week.
McGonagall had banned him from mastery work while he was healing, something she and Pomfrey had insisted. They also claimed they would know if he ignored them and while he was reasonably sure they could not, he was not sure enough to chance it. While he was no longer a student, he still had a long-cultivated fear of their authority and tempers, especially now that they did not need to hold back with him.
So Harry sat at home, feeling a little bored and a little lonely. He eventually fell asleep.
The windows rattled and Hedwig swooped in, flying about the room and looking around carefully before landing on the back of the couch. She sighed deeply, looking at her boy with concern and long cultivated exasperation. "And here you are again, lying injured after playing a silly game. Why do you do this to me?!"
She huffed and fluffed up from irritation. "All my hard work in keeping you healthy, dashed for something silly. You're such a stubborn chick." She delicately climbed down and settled on his side, fluffing up and waited.
After some time, he slowly woke, feeling a pressure on the one part of his abdomen that did not hurt. He blinked slowly, greeted by large amber eyes. "Hey girl," he said sleepily.
Hedwig fluffed up, barking at him severely. "You have got to stop being a stupid chick on a wingless stick! One of these days you're going to bang yourself up too much and then what are we going to do with you! Be more careful! You are not as strong or tough as me!"
"I know," he groaned. "It was stupid and I'm paying the price."
She glared at him.
"I'm healing," he protested.
She sighed a very human-sounding sigh of exasperation. "Oh you're 'healing'. Of course you're healing. You're always healing! Wish you would heal what's between your ears!"
He grinned and scratched her chest. "Thank you," he said. "You know, it's been a while since it was just you and me."
She cheeped and her eyes half-closed, enjoying the scratching. "It really has, hasn't it? That's a shame. We need more quality owl and chick time." Her eyes opened and she peered down, staring at his rumbling stomach. "Wow, that was a loud rumble. Normally Pinky has the loud stomach."
"Guess I'm a little hungry. How about you?" He chuckled as she licked her beak. "I think a couple bacon sandwiches apiece sounds nice, doesn't it?" He looked thoughtful at her bobbing head. "You know what, I just had an idea."
She fluttered into the air when he rose. She hooted disapproval when he slipped a jacket on, landing on his head and yanking on his hair. "Hey! Stop that! You're supposed to be 'healing'!"
"Ow hey! This will be fun for both of us. I promise. I'm just popping down to the market, the magical one so you can come too. I just realized the majority of the bacon we had at Hogwarts and here is usually rashers or occasionally streaky. Were you aware that there are other kinds?"
Hedwig gasped. "There are?!"
"Right? Let's go and get some different kinds and see what other types of bacon there are. We can see if they stack up." He laughed as she pulled his hair with her beak enthusiastically, goading him on.
"Let's go Chick! There are other kinds of bacon?! More versions of deliciousness personified?! More ways to eat the best thing in the world?! Let's go! At a safe pace though, please."
Harry was a regular sight at the Isle of Skye local magical market. He got the majority of his groceries there, something the local farmers liked a lot. On top of his role as their star seeker, the residents there had come to really like Harry as a person and neighbor. More than a few waved and greeted him, wishing him well and hoping for a speedy recovery. All liked seeing Hedwig riding on the top of his head and they greeted her warmly too.
"Hey there Harry," a woman greeted. She had broad shoulders and bare arms with plenty of muscles, her smile was large and warm. "How's my favorite customer?"
"She's good," Harry said and Hedwig cheeped in affirmation. "I'm doing well, thank you purveyor of meat." "How are you, Linette?"
The butcher smiled. "Doing good, can't complain. Oh and don't you worry, next time Ballycastle comes to Skye, we're going to give it to them. They'll regret trying to take you out." Others growled in shared indignation.
Harry smiled. "Don't be too harsh on them. I mean, they're Ballycastle so they're already pretty pitiful." He joined their laughter, wincing slightly holding his ribs. "I'm lucky I got off light technically."
"Well, we're still going to make 'em pay." Linette wiped her hands on a towel tucked into her apron. "What're you looking for? I got some nice steaks yesterday. Oh and the pork chops look pretty good today too."
"I was actually hoping you have some different bacons. I've been wanting to try some different kinds and Hedwig is more than eager too."
Hedwig hooted hungrily. "How have I not known there were different kinds of bacon?! Please feed me and Chick. He needs it to grow big and strong like me and I'm hungry."
"Well now, I have plenty of different kinds. Let me throw you a sampler of all I got." Linette smiled when Hedwig leaned over to nuzzle her. "Aww, just for that, I'll throw in some extra. You're such a good owl, aren't you my pretty?"
"Positively shameless," Harry smiled.
"Don't listen to Chick," Hedwig cooed. "I nuzzle all that are deserving."
"She works hard keeping you in line I bet," Linette said. She laughed at Hedwig's weary hoot. "You have NO idea." "Here we are." She filled a bag with lots of differently wrapped packages. "A bit of everything except for the vegetarian bacon."
"What the heck is vegetarian bacon?" Harry asked.
"What the hell is vegetarian bacon?!" Hedwig gasped.
"Damned if I know. That's why I don't have any." Linette laughed at Hedwig's shocked expression. "It doesn't make any sense to me either." She and Harry argued for a bit before she finally accepted some money. "Come back and tell me your favorites!" she called after them as they left.
"I will! With recommendations!" Hedwig barked and flapped a wing.
A waiting customer had watched the whole thing with an amused smile. "Does that usually happen?" he asked her.
Linette smiled. "With Hedwig riding Harry about? Oh yeah. One of the best things about them being here in my mind."
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Harry hummed softly as he opened the packages and laide them out along the counter. Hedwig joined in, hooting in time musically with him as she watched him carefully. He looked at the little cards that Linette had inserted into each package, the name and brief description of each bacon as well as suggested cooking written on each.
"Cook little bacon, nice and hot!
Crackle in the pan, taste like you aught!
When you're done, I will devour,
And want more in less than an hour!
"Some of these are better for dishes apparently," Harry said. "But for today, we'll just have them as is."
Hedwig bobbed her head. She had no complaints at all. "Must try them in their most pure and natural form to gauge their deliciousness."
Harry finished the streaky bacon and the rashers first setting them out as their control bacons. He started cooking the rest and it was to Hedwig's credit that she resisted munching on the finished bacon. Instead, she watched Harry with interest as he made the other types.
"So this is pancetta," Harry said as he laid out the circular slices of bacon. "It's Italian and not smoked. Looks nice." He and Hedwig munched their slices. "Hmm, more herby and less smoky than our bacons."
Hedwig barked. "Mmm, not bad at all! It's nice, a bit chewier than regular bacon. Good for snacking and the other dishes you talked about."
"Yeah, it's oddly chewier and crispier somehow. Probably because it's really thin sliced but still has a lot of fat. Where do you think it falls under on a scale?"
Hedwig picked up the card with her beak and laid it alongside the control bacon. "Just under I would say."
"I agree, not better than the controls but still good. Right, this is also Italian. It's called guanciale. It's made from the jowl and not the belly."
Hedwig chomped down on it, chewing it with a thoughtful expression. "Hmm, this is very fatty. Very chewy and not meaty in the way I normally like meaty. Not bad still."
"It's very fatty," Harry commented. "Apparently you're supposed to use this with pasta dishes more so than just eating it as is. It's not bad though. Very strong."
Hedwig cheeped and moved the card further down. "Not as good as the others I think."
"Yeah I agree. I bet it is tasty in a dish but on its own, a bit much. I'll have to try that carbonara though, it sounds tasty."
"You don't have to put things with bacon all the time. There's nothing wrong with enjoying bacon as is!" Hedwig hooted.
He grinned at Hedwig waving her tail feathers. "I know you think the noodles get in the way of the bacon. More for me and Katie then."
Hedwig delicately took a slice from him, chewing this new offering carefully. She gave him a look. "What is this?! This isn't bacon! The texture is not bacon-like at all. What is wrong with the Canadians?! Why do they call ham bacon?"
"This does taste more like ham," Harry said. "Canadian bacon is a back bacon. Chewy and nice but not what I'd think bacon should be." He laughed as she moodily kicked the card further down the counter. "It's not that bad. I bet there'll be one you find worse than that. Don't believe me?"
She watched him with a disbelieving air as he made the next one. When he offered her the slice, she licked it and immediately dropped it on the table before kicking it to the floor, hooting with distaste. "WHAT IS THIS ATROCITY?! That has no business being remotely related to bacon! That is vile! DISGUSTING!" She then took the card and flew to the trashcan and threw it in, after shredding it with her talons.
"Guess you're like Dora then and don't like turkey bacon." He chewed it. "I mean, it's not bad but it's not bacon either."
Hedwig's hoots were incredibly offended. "Not bad doesn't mean good either! Get rid of it now! Never bring it home again!"
Harry read the next card as he cooked the next type. "I'm not even going to try and pronounce this but it's apparently Chinese. Cured and smoked with their favorite seasonings." He bit into it and looked at it with surprise. "Wow! That is a lot of flavor! Sweet and savory."
Hedwig chomped on it noisily. "This is incredible! Almost too tasty to just eat as bacon though. Almost too much flavor, but still wonderful to have!"
"I don't think I'd like this for breakfast but it'd be good with other things." He watched as Hedwig put it above guanciale and slightly below pancetta. "Yeah, that's fair I think."
He and Hedwig ate the next type. "I don't know about this one. It's called speck and it's more like ham but it doesn't taste very hammy. Hmm, it's not bad. But not what I want out of a bacon either."
She hooted in agreement and dropped the card beside the Canadian bacon card. "What's with people naming not bacon, bacon? I mean I understand, trying to approach the majesty of bacon by calling it that is something I suppose. Everyone should recognize the beauty of bacon." She waddled back up the counter and chomped on a rasher, looking content and happy. "This is still the best though."
"Yeah, I think streaky or rasher is still my favorite too." He looked askance at the next one and Hedwig shared his trepidation. "This one looks a little weird." He cooked it and set the slice on the table.
Hedwig hooted a question. "Why does it look like that?"
"I think it's supposed to look like that. It's called peameal. Smoked back bacon cured and rolled in cornmeal." He chewed his half of the slice. "Yeah, not a fan really. The cornmeal makes it odd."
Hedwig was violently chewing a piece of streaky bacon, as if to eliminate the taste of the peameal. "Yeah, no, no thank you. Did not like that texture at all." When she finished, she looked covetously at the pan with the next type of bacon cooking. "Bless my feathers, that looks wonderful!"
"I knew you'd like this one," Harry chuckled. "Slab bacon. Certainly looks the name, doesn't it?" He put the extra thick slice on the plate and watched Hedwig attack it. He smiled at her look of pure undiluted happiness as she gnawed and tore at the bacon. "It's basically streaky bacon only way thicker. What's not to like?"
"I love this slab bacon! I demand slab bacon forever!"
About an hour later saw Harry cleaning up the stove and storing up all the bacon drippings. Hedwig was still chewing on a piece of bacon but much slower than she ever had before. Harry put the rest of the uncooked bacon in the ice box and the cooked into the cold box. "Well, I think we've managed to try most forms of known bacon and looks like streaky and rasher still is the best for general purpose and simple enjoyment."
Hedwig hooted in agreement. "I agree. Sometimes, you don't need to mess with the classic." She hooted again as Harry walked past, giving him a pleading look. "Chick. Help please."
"I think we finally found your limit," Harry said as he picked her up. He carried her to his chair and sat down, setting her on his stomach. "Never thought we would."
Hedwig burped and toppled over, lying on her back and her feet in the air. She hooted slowly before falling asleep, snoring lustily. "I have never had that much at once and it was wonderful and we need to do this again but I'm about to pass out…"
Harry chuckled and gently patted her belly. "Good girl," he murmured. "I'm glad you're with me Hedwig."
She cheeped in her sleep and flopped her wing over his hand. "I love you, Chick."
He smiled and drifted off to sleep, comforted by her snores and her warmth.
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"Harry?"
Harry blinked, waking up slowly. "Hunh?" he grunted. "Whozzat?" His eyes slowly focused. "Oh, hi Luna."
She looked down at him. "I'm sorry for coming unannounced but one of your teammates came to me when you didn't answer your door. She was worried about you. Are you okay?"
"I got injured in last night's game," he said, wincing from the ache in his bones. "Been taking it easy."
Luna looked concerned and her concern grew when she looked at Hedwig on his stomach. "Is Hedwig okay?"
He smiled. "She's fine. Just been over-baconed." He gently rubbed her belly and the owl belched.
Luna laughed. "My goodness! I thought your flat smelled like bacon but Hedwig positively reeks of it."
"Probably the best day of her life," he said fondly. "We had a lot."
"Second best I would say, after meeting you," she replied. "Why didn't you tell me you were alone?"
"You said you'd be busy this weekend last weekend," he said, feeling sheepish. "Everyone's been busy. I'm okay."
"I would have made time if I knew you'd gotten hurt."
"Well, that's not a reason in my mind to make you drop plans or whatnot."
Luna sighed. "Well I managed to finish my commissions up for a while so I'll help take care of you." She reached out and gently picked Hedwig up. "Goodness! Why is she so heavy?"
"We had a lot of bacon," Harry smiled.
Angry hooting filled the flat and Luna looked down at the passed-out owl in her arms with confusion. "Hey! Your mate is calling! It's Sun-Hair! Answer her!"
"Oh, the mirror," Harry said and made to rise.
"No, you stay," Luna ordered. "I'll stick you to the chair if you move." She laid Hedwig down on a small bed beside her roost and walked into the bedroom to find the small two-way mirror shaking and hooting. When she picked it up the surfaced shimmered, revealing a very worried Katie.
"Oh Luna! Hi, is everything okay?" she asked.
"Hello Katie. I just let myself in. Miss Tanya came to me when Harry wasn't answering the door. He's fine."
"Oh thank goodness. Healer Finn sent me a message and I only just got it and I bet he didn't tell anyone."
"We all are rather busy to be fair," Luna said.
"And he doesn't want to bother anyone," Katie continued, rolling her eyes. "I'm glad you're there."
"Me too. He was fine. He and Hedwig ate a lot of bacon together and were napping together."
Katie laughed. "I'm so glad I never have to worry about Harry. So many people worry about their significant others getting into trouble or doing something bad and mine wants to sleep with his owl and eat bacon."
Luna carried the mirror out and Katie laughed at seeing the splayed-out Hedwig still in her bacon-induced coma. She glared at Harry when Luna pointed the mirror at him.
"It wasn't my fault!" Harry protested. "I was targeted!"
"I know, but I'm still upset that you didn't tell anyone."
"My main healers are all out of the country, what do you want me to do?" he retorted. He winced when he heard angry sounds come through the mirror and they had nothing to do with his injuries. "MumAndi and SamMum are right beside you, aren't they?"
"You better not complain when we get back," Samantha said.
"You're in for it," Andromeda said.
Luna waved her wand and a light mist spilled from the tip, falling in front of the mirror. "Oh no, I think the runes are starting to fizzle."
"What?! What's going on? Luna!" Katie shouted.
"Oh good thing Luna is here," Harry said, stifling a smile. "We'll have to cancel the enchantment on the mirror and redo the runes. Love you Katie and Mums! Don't worry, Luna'll take good care of me. We'll call back when it's fixed."
"Fizzling runes my arse!" Katie yelled before the mirror went blank, showing a grinning Harry.
"Thanks Luna," he said gratefully.
Luna giggled. "You know this will only make them madder right?"
"I know but we can actually redo the runes to show that we did it and pretend that was the problem," Harry said.
"I've been wanting to redo mine too so we can do them together." She laid the mirrors out onto the table and unrolled her rune kit that she brought along.
"Sounds good. What would you like for dinner?"
"I'm in the mood for something with bacon for some odd reason."
Hedwig hooted. "Bacon? I want bacon. Give me bacon please."
"She's insatiable," Harry said, shaking his head.
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Arnie1701 - It's probably going to be a while before things get fixed sadly.
mike3308 - Voyage and victory.
odonnelllzoo99 - I thought Luna and Hedwig continuing the feud with the pins even so many years after school would be absolutely hilarious and fitting those two. And you know I like my callbacks.
61394 - That would be amusing for it to be Thor, we will see what happens.
Ghostwriter - Thank you. Harry deserves to be happy and Hedwig is very awesome.
TheSphynx - It might happen one day. Glad you still are enjoying.
DOOOOOOM Lord of Waffles - Thank you, glad you are.
alix33 - Hedwig barking like a bugle made me smile. Same with her nesting in Harry's cup.