George David's arrival at Backwoods High was met with quiet murmurs. The
older brother of the infamous "Locker Gnome" Ryan Davis, George had
already made a name for himself at his previous school as a notorious
pothead and part-time dealer. Unlike his brother's love for chaos, George
took a more calculated approach. Where Ryan would pull stink bomb pranks,
George saw opportunity—a way to make money off the weird, degenerate, and
downright disgusting habits of Backwoods's student body.
Within weeks of transferring, George dipped his toes into the local
cannabis market, quietly meeting clients and exchanging product. But it
wasn't long before he sensed a new, strange demand among Backwoods's most
unsavory characters—something far more exotic than weed: Jenkem, a
horrifying concoction of human feces that ferments over time and can
supposedly get you high. The more George heard about it, the more he
realized there was a twisted niche market for it among the freaks of
Backwoods. And George Davis wanted to be its kingpin.
Alongside the football fields were porta-potties, left untouched except
by the janitorial staff and the occasional student in need. George saw
them as his new goldmine. He paid off a group of degenerate weirdos, guys
who hung around the school's fringes, to fish out the turds from the
porta-potties and jar them up. Soon, his "operation" was in full swing,
and George started taking orders, writing them down in a small brown
notebook he carried with him throughout the day.
His plan was simple: once a month, he'd meet his clients in the back of
the school, near the abandoned janitor's shed, to distribute their "fix."
Everything was going smoothly until Matt Marinara and Jason Mustard
caught wind of the scheme. The thought of George's disgusting side hustle
made Matt dry heave, and Jason nearly puked. They tried reasoning with
George, but he shrugged them off with a smirk. "It's just business, man.
I'm filling a demand."
Not knowing how to stop him, Matt and Jason enlisted the help of
Priscilla and her goth friends. If anyone could shut down a poop-based
drug operation, it was Priscilla's gang of weird goth kids who embraced
the macabre but drew the line at Jenkem. Priscilla's crew agreed to help,
plotting a takedown during George's next scheduled "deal."
At the end of the month, George stood confidently near the janitor shed.
Over a dozen Jenkem addicts had gathered, eager to get their rancid jars.
George grinned as he unlocked the shed door. "Okay guys, let's do some
business!" he said, already thinking about the cash he was going to rake
in.
Suddenly, from the shadows, Priscilla's goth gang leapt into action. They
tackled George's customers to the ground, wrestling them into submission.
Billy Murphy, dressed in some bizarre outfit that was half goth, half
lunatic, emerged last. With a primal screech that echoed across the
football field, Billy sprinted toward the janitor shed, followed by a few
other satanic goth companions. They grabbed the jars of fermenting poop
and began smashing them against the school's brick walls one by one.
The sound of glass shattering was followed by a nauseating smell that
filled the air. "OH MY GOD!" screamed one of George's clients, clutching
his stomach. The rancid stench of the Jenkem hit everyone hard, causing
some to gag and others to retch on the spot.
"What the hell is going on back here?" Principal Smith had arrived just
in time to witness the carnage. He stood frozen in disbelief as the scene
unfolded in front of him.
When the principal showed up, everyone panicked. The goth gang all bolted
in different directions. Billy, still screeching like a madman, took a
"victory lap" across the football field, shouting at the top of his
lungs, "WE HAVE VANQUISHED THE EVIL POOP SLINGERS! GLORY TO THE DARK
WARRIORS!" He dashed into the woods, with Priscilla and the rest of the
goth gang hot on his heels.
Back by the shed, George and his confused clients lay on the ground,
unsure of what had just happened. Smith, face red with anger, pointed at
the remaining students. "You just earned yourselves detention—every
single one of you! And you're going to clean off all this shit."
As the smell of smashed Jenkem jars lingered in the air, George's short-
lived attempt to become Backwoods's Jenkem kingpin came to an
embarrassing end. He realized that he was better off sticking to slinging
weed and avoiding any more poop-related business ventures.
Across the street, Matt and Jason sat comfortably in fold-out chairs,
watching the chaos unfold, laughing so hard they could barely breathe.
"Classic George," Jason snorted, wiping away tears. "This school just
keeps getting weirder."