A/n: I had a whole two chapter fic in the works and then decided to scrap it all… that's two days of work for nothing ToT (I might still post it some other time but not for whumptober, then I can have more freedom to do what I want with it). But anyway, back to this fic, it would be set after season 2 of Young Justice, because it's about Wally and Dick's friendship (but Artemis is also there for a bit and grieving).

Today's prompts: Emotional angst, shoulder to cry on, giving permission to die, "it's not your fault"

"Hey, Dick, it's M'gann. I'm just calling to check up on you. We haven't heard from you in a while and… well, we're a little worried about you. You know you can always talk to us, right? We all miss Wally, but isolating yourself isn't good. Artemis… maybe you guys could help each other. Just, call her, or us or visit sometime, okay? We miss you too."

"Hey, Dick, it's me, Connor. M'gann said you haven't been answering her calls. She's worried about you. I uh, I guess we all are actually. We were supposed to give you space, but it's been a few weeks now, and- I dunno, I guess I'm trynna say that you should come over sometime. If you need more space though, we won't keep pushing. We just… yeah. Take care."

"Aqualad here. I understand you require some time after… the events of the past few months, but you are still a part of the team and we do not wish to lose another. I hope you are well, my friend, but if you are not, know we are here to help. Grief is a terrible thing, but do not let it consume you. I hope to see you soon, Dick. Goodbye."

He'd listened to all of the voicemails, but only ever ended up deleting them. He appreciated it, really, he did, but he just couldn't deal with that right now. Every time he heard their voices, or so much as think of them, memories of the Team and Wally flooded his mind. It'd been a few weeks now, but he still couldn't remember his friend without shedding a few tears.

He knew he had to move on, because this was bad. But a part of him didn't want to move on, because that would mean he really had lost his best friend. As bad as the pain was of losing Wally, it would hurt more to forget it had happened because he'd only remember again and feel worse. It would hurt more to go on with life like Wally hadn't been a major part in that life, like his friend had meant nothing, like Wally hadn't been like a brother to him. He had lost his best friend. How was he expected to just move on? Especially when it was his fault his friend was gone?

So many people had told him that it wasn't his fault.

"It's not your fault, Dick, you couldn't have done anything to stop him." "Dick, it wasn't your fault. He chose to do that, to sacrifice himself. You didn't force him to."

Parts of what they said was true, but they only ever talked about it actually happening. That, Dick understood wasn't really under his control. The circumstances that got them to that point, however, were absolutely his fault.

No one could deny it had been his plan to bring Artemis back into the field. No one could deny that had been what had prompted Wally to pick up the suit again too. No one could deny that if he hadn't done that, if Artemis hadn't come out of retirement, both of them would be sitting at home, peaceful and alive.

It all traced back to Dick's stupid, selfish decisions. It was all Dick's fault. And the one person he'd have believed who'd have told him otherwise, wasn't even there to reassure him. He didn't have Wally beside him anymore to hug Dick and tell him that he was being stupid and "what are you even talking about, what would have happened without the brilliant, tough decisions you'd made?"

His eyes grew hot. He blinked and the tear slipped onto his cheek. He stared at it as it landed on his phone, doing anything to distract himself. He'd already used up one tissue box in the past two days because of this, he couldn't afford to use up another one.

A knock at the door startled him, and he quickly wiped his face, getting up to see who it was.

He opened the door and stared.

"Hey, Dick."

"Artemis," Dick replied, unsure of what to do so he just stood there, trying not to think about the last time he'd seen the archer.

"I'm sorry Artemis. Wally said to tell you- "

"Can I… come in?"

Dick blinked, and cleared his throat. "Um, yeah, sorry." He stepped aside, letting her enter the apartment.

They stood in silence for a few seconds, Dick still reeling before he finally remembered the basic manners that Alfred had drilled into him when he'd been younger.

"Uh, sit down, please. Do you uh, want something to drink? Water, tea? Or a… a snack or something- "

"Dick," Artemis stopped him, placing a tentative hand on his arm. "I'm okay. I'm not planning on staying long."

"Right." Dick numbly walked over to the couch with her, mind working too fast yet too slow. "Not that I don't love the spontaneous visit, but um, is there a reason you're here?" Especially since I thought you hated me for what happened? He added in his head.

Artemis sat down on the other end of the couch, sighing wearily. "Yeah, there's a reason. Look, the others said you weren't talking to them and they're trying to give you space but they are also really worried."

"Oh. Is that all they sent you to say?"

"They didn't send me," Artemis said carefully, voice firm but controlled. "I just… I finally got around to… to looking through W- his stuff, and I found something that belongs to you. A few things actually, but I think this is what you need right now."

She reached into her pocket and pulled out a flash drive, handing it to Dick. It had his name written on it in Wally's messy scrawl. He stared at it for a moment, forgetting about Artemis for a second.

The archer cleared her throat quietly. "That was it so I'll be going. I was on my way somewhere, so…"

Dick looked away from the flash drive, pocketing it as he stood with Artemis. "Okay, well, um, you're always welcome at my place- "

"Dick, we don't have to do this," Artemis whispered, eyes filled with pain. "I can barely do this because every time I so much as see you- " her voice cut off before it could crack more.

"I know," Dick replied quietly, nodding. "I don't want to- I mean I wish- I want to help you but- "

It was Artemis' turn to nod. "I know," she echoed. "Just not… I don't know when, but not today."

Dick understood what she was trying to say. He felt the same way. He couldn't help her when he couldn't even bring himself to look at her because of what he'd see - or more importantly, what he'd not see. After Artemis and Wally had started dating, there was rarely a time that Dick would go to see Wally that Artemis wouldn't be there. The image, the association of the three of them together had become so deep that the absence of one was too obvious, and it hurt.

He also doubted that she'd forgiven him fully. He saw it in her eyes, her body language. Artemis was born and brought up in Gotham; she knew how to blame the right people and hold a grudge. This was more than that. She wouldn't hesitate to blame him when even he knew it was his fault. They might be able to get back to how they were sometime, but like she'd said: not today.

With that, they forwent formalities and he just held the door open for her as she left. He waited for her to be out of sight down the stairs before closing the door and pulling the flash drive back out. Grabbing his laptop, he sat on the couch with the screen open and drive in his hand.

Two minutes later, he was still in the same position, flash drive still in his hand.

He didn't know what was stopping him from plugging it in. He didn't even know what was on it. All he knew was that Wally had left this for him and Artemis had known it was important enough to give it to him when they were barely on speaking terms. But… whatever it was undoubtedly would make this all real. That he also knew.

It can't get worse than this, he reasoned, but he still hesitated.

He flipped the drive over in his hand, then again. He got so far as to place his hand next to the plug in, flash drive open, but he still couldn't do it. Two centimetres to the left, he could do it.

He could.

He had to.

Just do it.

Wally adjusted the camera so he was the focus in the center of the frame, the wall of his room behind him. He was sitting at his desk, not fidgeting for once. For some reason, he wasn't nervous about this. A part of him said it was stupid, but the part that had been nagging him for weeks now, whispering to him in the dead of night saying something was going to happen soon was confident. He took a deep breath and started.

"This video is for my best friend and brother-in-arms Dick Grayson and Dick Grayson only. If you are not him, then close this file, pull out the flash drive and close your laptop right now." He paused, giving a few seconds for potential non-Dick-Grayson's to leave before letting a grin light up his face as he continued. "But if you are Dick Grayson… to that I say, 'sup bro?"

The smile faded a little as he focused. "It's November 19 today. I don't know when you're watching this so I don't know if you remember, but we hung out about a week ago. Well, I say hung out, but it was nothing like we used to do," he laughed bitterly. "We just went out for coffee - which ew, is such a grownup thing to do - and then you had to go because of some Team thing and I had assignments due." He shuddered, trying to make it lighthearted, but the sadness in his actions and words was evident.

"I miss the days where we would spend like, twenty-four hours straight with each other, doing everything and nothing. I know you miss them too, but we're both just so busy. I've got college now and you're always so busy with the Team. I hate that you are, but I've also never seen you so in your element. You were always meant to lead, Dick." Wally leaned closer, voice rising with his passion but he shook himself out of it. "But we've kind of talked about that already. I think. Anyway, point is that it's not the point of this. I uh, got this idea from you actually. I remember you telling me once that you make videos like this just in case the worst happens and you don't get to say goodbye.

"I don't plan on dying soon, and I know I'm retired, but I can't help but think something big's about to happen. You're getting busier, and I know part of that is because the League left, but I have a bad feeling that something's going on. I haven't told Artemis though, I don't wanna worry her. Ugh, I'm getting distracted again, back to the point Wally," he berated himself.

The video cut here, the evidence of an edit obvious. Wally was in a comfier position on the chair, having run through multiple failed attempts of putting his thoughts and feelings into words.

"Just in case the worst happens and I've been trapped in a room with your dad - I'm kidding, ha, just thought I'd lighten things up, it did not work," he frowned, sighing. "Let's try this again, I'll be serious this time I promise because I need you to know that I really mean what I'm about to say.

"If something happened, no matter what happened, I know some things even now that will or have happened. Number one: you, with that big self-sacrificial heart of yours are going to blame yourself. I don't know how our relationship maybe changes from this point and whenever I potentially… die, or what circumstances it may have happened, but I can guarantee it's not your fault. And if it is, I know for sure that I don't blame you and the people who really care about you or me don't either.

"Number two: you will inevitably wish at some point to trade with me. I refuse. You would be going against my wishes if you did that, I'm gonna set that out on the table right now Dick." Wally pointed accusingly at the camera. "I'm not saying I deserved to die - well, depending on what happened, maybe I did something really stupid… but anyway! - if I die, I'm okay with it. You need to let me go. Move on - after an appropriate time of course - but… we had so many great opportunities already, did so much before graduating high school. I'm not saying it means we lived our whole life in that time, but it's okay if that was it. I'm okay with it at least, even if I'll miss being with Artemis or most importantly, hanging with you. And if I'm okay with it, then you should learn to feel that too.

"That doesn't mean I'm not sorry though. If you're watching this, that's great, but I hate that you might have to. I know how you're gonna take it and I wish I was there to help you through it, but it was bound to happen sometime Dick. It sucks, but that's what we signed up for, we knew the risks. To make up for it though, I did make a will and in there it should say you can claim any and all of my wardrobe if you want, half of it is your stuff anyway," Wally smiled, chuckling softly.

"I love you bro. I'll never stop caring about you. And I can guarantee that wherever I am right now, I am haunting your pretty butt and any random thing you laugh or smile about is me, unless you're being annoying then I'mma make you stub your toe. But anyway… I hope you never have to watch this," he sighed. "And again, if you do, I'm sorry. But I know you'll need this. Find someone else who'll do this for you in the future - get you out of your head, slap you if you're being stupid, but also laugh with you. Don't push everyone else away. Do what you need to, but don't lose the Dick Grayson that I loved like a brother, okay? I'd say I'll see you soon, but I don't know what that might mean, so… catch ya later, alligator."

Wally reached forward to switch off the video and the frame froze, his arm reaching out, soft smile still on his face as he looked right into the camera.

Dick couldn't bring himself to look away from the screen. He was as frozen as the picture, cheeks wet, but he hadn't done anything to wipe it away yet.

November 19… that had been a few weeks before he'd gone back and brought Artemis out of retirement. He remembered that day, being so busy but needing those few hours hanging out with his best friend. They hadn't seen each other for almost a month before that - a long, torturous month. He remembers mourning the belly-deep laughter as he'd been gasping for breath meeting eyes with a red-faced Wally, straining against his own giggles so hard it looked like he was constipated. The memory made him huff out a soft chuckle, until the sadness hit him back tenfold.

Suddenly, he couldn't do this anymore. He couldn't look at his best friend's face on the screen anymore.

Wally had made a video for him because he'd known Dick and what would have happened if Wally had died. He'd addressed almost everything that was holding Dick back, but this had been recorded before the whole undercover fiasco and Wally hadn't even-

He closed the video, about to take out the flash drive, when he noticed another file - another video. It was labelled as a more recent date, one from after Artemis had come back into play…

He wasn't sure what made him click it - curiosity, a need for a distraction, wanting to hear and see his friend again so he could pretend it was just a call and not his dead friend's contingency plan - but soon enough, Wally's face had filled the screen again.

Wally didn't bother with introductions this time. He didn't waste time, and he didn't smile or use humour because right now, he was pissed. He couldn't even sit down, needing to pace as he talked.

"I had almost forgotten about these videos, but after what you did today, I need to change a few things. I even named this video by today's date, so you better know what this is about and if you don't, you are gonna stub your toes so many times in the next week," Wally threatened, before blowing out a breath and running a hand through his fiery hair.

"I am so mad at you right now. I hope you know that. I love you Dick, but this was a real dick move. This whole thing," - he gestured wildly around him - "is feeling like a very 'Batman' plan. And not in a good way. Look, I know you've had trouble accepting Artemis and my retirements, but to go so far as to drag her back into this? I- "

He paused, sitting down on his bed with his head in his hands. He sighed, taking a few moments before addressing the camera again.

"I'm not even - no, I am mad at you - but I know you're - actually, you are to blame, just… let's try this again. Not all of this anger is really because of you. I just- I know you're the one who asked Artemis, but she's the one who said yes and that scared me. She seems so much happier now and that scares me more. For so many reasons. We got out so we could try to live a normal life, but that's not happening and I'm not sure that's what she wants anymore. I'm not sure it's what I want anymore. But… that's not your problem. I don't even know why I'm doing this, I guess I just… I'm used to being able to talk with you about this stuff but I've barely seen you. What I'm trying to say is, I miss you but I'm so pissed at you that even though now I'm seeing you more, I don't want to talk to you and that just makes me more mad. I don't know, this is stupid- "

The video cut to another clip, another day but Wally was pacing again, faster.

"You know what, Dick? This is getting ridiculous. Faking Artmeis' death? She could have actually died. I don't care what your end goal is here - one that you won't even share with me because is it really so secret you can't share it with your best friend? Am I even your best friend anymore?"

Another edit to another day. Wally's sitting in the chair again, but he looks exhausted, more defeated than angry this time.

"You let them blow up the - I don't even know if you let them or it just happened but part of the plan or not, you almost died, Dick. What were you thinking? I'm starting to think that maybe this is what my bad feeling was about, the thing that made me film the first video. This might be it. So, there's a few things I want you to know that have changed from the first video. I'm leaving that on here, by the way. Not really sure why, but I guess I don't want to have to say everything again, but also because a part of me - most of me - still feels that way. It's just that… with everything that's happened since then, if something bad happens to me, I need you to know my updated feelings taking into account your… questionable actions.

"I… I don't blame you," Wally said slowly, pausing before continuing. "Whatever happens now, it's not your fault. Maybe some things are, but I've seen enough of you lately to see that… well, I know you, Dick. I know you're blaming yourself enough that no one else has to. But what you're doing, it's a really good plan. I might not fully understand the endgoal, but I know your plans are almost always the best. And I know that no good plan doesn't involve risks. I hate that the risks are so close to home for me, but you have to understand that the way I'm acting towards you right now… I'm scared. I could lose my girlfriend who I love so much… and I could lose my brother. I almost did lose you today. It made me reassess my priorities and that's why this is the last video I'm gonna make until it's outdated.

"You fucked up, Dick. But considering everything, you're doing so great. I know you can't see that, and no one will tell you, but man, you're better than Batman with this stuff, I know it and I can see it. You're only human, and you're younger than even me, and you're allowed to mess up. It sucks, I know, but at the end of the day… if I lose you - if I had lost you today - all of my anger, my frustration towards you would disappear in a sec. That's why I'm doing this, telling you this now, just in case I don't get to tell you later. I don't want you thinking I was mad at you until my last breath. You've already dealt with so much, you don't need that. So uh, I guess I can say 'see you soon' this time because I know that just means tomorrow. And if it doesn't, well, stubbed toe or spontaneous laugh remember? See ya, Dick."

He had no choice but to wipe away the tears this time. They only got worse when he realised that the shoulder he'd always cried on wasn't there anymore. But he was completely gone when he realised Wally had still found a way to comfort him even in death.

His brother, Wally West, the true genius and a better man than he'd ever be, everyone…

A/n: I have no choice but to end it here because it's late and I'm officially a month behind ToT but I refuse to give up even if it means I neglect some of my other responsibilities for a bit. Gotta lock in on the weekend ig.

Stay safe, take care of yourselves (call a friend, mine's currently sick and dying but I still text him regularly) and see ya soon.

- CrowofArcadiaOaks