A/N: Sorry, I'm struggling with my rewrite of the next chapter of Secrets and making it run smoothly, but will get up ASAP. In the meantime, I saw a facebook reel at like 3am about something similar to this and immediately went 'such a Walter move.' Had to be written!

Paige was leaning back in her chair at her desk in the garage, scrolling through her emails while Walter tinkered with some prototype on the other side of the room. Her day had been long, tedious and she was anxious to get home and relax. The blinking light on her desk phone displaying a voicemail, gave her hope that the voicemail was from the auto shop servicing fixing her car, and was confirmation that it was finally ready.

She hit play on the message and turned on the speakerphone, absentmindedly fiddling with a pen as the voicemail began.

"Hi, Mrs. O'Brien, this is Rob over at Ted's Auto Shop. Uh… so… there's been a delay on the repairs."

Walter glanced up, sensing the tension creeping into Paige's face.

"There's no easy way to say this…" She straightened up, listening intently. "Um, we had to contact the authorities…" The voicemail continued, and her eyes went wide before her brows furrowed in confusion. "After opening your trunk, we found what appears to be a suspicious device. It's, um, very bomb-like. It has wires. Lots of wires. And a timer. And a note taped to it that says, 'This is not a bomb.'"

Paige froze, her eyes narrowing as she slowly turned up to Walter. He had gone completely still, like a squirrel trying not to be noticed by a hawk. The entire room fell silent as everyone watched on.

"What. Did. You. Do?" Paige demanded, her tone sharp enough to cut through steel.

Walter smiled nervously, fiddling with the screwdriver in his hands.

"Let's not jump to conclusions…"

The voicemail wasn't done.

"We also found a… uh… what appears to be… a decomposing organ in the glove box. It's… it's, uh, concerning. Anyway, the police are here now, so please give us a call back at your earliest convenience to sort this out."

The message ended, leaving a horrified silence in its wake.

Paige raised an eyebrow, her mouth hanging open as she stared at her husband.

"Walter Patrick O'Brien! Explain. Now."

Walter set down the screwdriver and raised his hands.

"Okay, first, the 'suspicious device' is not a bomb. It's an experimental energy generator."

Paige crossed her arms.

"And the rotting organ?"

Walter cleared his throat.

"A…cow liver. For a bacterial decomposition study. Perfectly harmless! Well, mostly."

"Mostly?" Paige repeated, her voice rising.

Just then, the garage door swung open, and Cabe strolled in. "You're not going to believe this!" Toby said, waving his phone. "I just got a call from Katherine Cooper. Something about Paige's car being a crime scene? Why do I feel like this was a Walter moment?"

"Cooper!!!" Paige exclaimed, throwing up her arms.

"More importantly…" Happy said, smirking at Walter. "What did you do?"

Walter looked around at his teammates, suddenly outnumbered.

"This is all a big misunderstanding. The liver was sterilized--"

"Sterilized?! They said it was rotting!" Paige shot back.

Sylvester wrinkled his nose.

"Wait, wait. Are we talking about an actual dead organ? In her… in your wife's car? Walter, what is wrong with you?"

"It's science." Walter said defensively.

"It's gross. And just wrong… on so many levels. What's with you and putting remains in glove boxes anyway? Is this a childhood trauma thing? Do you need some time on the couch?" Toby chimed in, crossing his arms. "You couldn't just use your lab? Or literally anywhere that wasn't Paige's glove box?"

"I needed consistent temperatures for the experiment." Walter replied.

Paige threw her hands in the air.

"So you thought, 'Hey, Paige's car is the perfect Petri dish!'"

"Well--" Walter began, but Happy cut him off.

"And the bomb? Sorry, not-a-bomb. Why is that in her car?"

"It's an energy generator!" Walter protested. "I was testing the portability. It's completely safe. And I put a note on it!"

"Tell that to the bomb squad…" Toby muttered.

Walter straightened, glaring at Toby.

"No one was supposed to open the trunk!"

"Oh, sure." Toby replied, rolling his eyes. "Because that's a totally reasonable expectation for a mechanic trying to fix the car."

"If you had just let Happy fix the car, this all could have been avoided!" Walter defended, resulting in a if looks could kill glare from Paige.

"I'm gonna need popcorn for this." Happy muttered to the others, receiving nods of agreement in return.

"If I had… Walter!!!!! Are you kidding me!!! have you lost your damn mind?! If you hadn't put body parts and bombs in my car this could have been avoided!" She threw back angrily, ready to kill her husband and stuff his body parts in a glove box.

"I'm on your side." Sylvester whispered to Paige. "He's lost it."

Paige didn't answer. She was staring at Walter, her lips pressed into a thin line.

"Look…" Walter began, taking a cautious step toward her. "It's not like you're going to jail or anything--"

"YET." Toby coughed.

"--and the generator was taped down with a note to avoid exactly this kind of confusion." Walter finished, ignoring Toby.

"Clearly worked out great for ya, boss." Happy chimed in, with an amused smirk.

Paige grabbed a wrench from the workbench and pointed it at him.

"You're sleeping in the garage."

"Now, Paige…" Walter said, his voice shaky, "let's be reasonable--"

"Reasonable?!" Paige exploded. "The police think I'm some kind of terrorist! They're probably sending my photo to the FBI right now! Homeland is involved! Oh, but sure, let's be reasonable!"

Happy laughed.

"You're really nailing the whole 'husband of the year' thing, Walter."

"I'd give him points for creativity." Toby added. "You don't see many husbands whose dumb ass stunts get their wives put on a government watchlist. Not even me." Happy shrugged in approval of his statement, while Sylvester bit back a smile.

Walter sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Can we all just calm down? This is science, not espionage."

At that moment, Ralph appeared at the top of the stairs from the loft, holding a mouse.

"Why are you yelling at Walter?"

"Because he's insane!" Paige replied without missing a beat.

Ralph looked at Walter comically.

"What'd you do this time?"

Walter opened his mouth, but Paige beat him to it.

"He put a fake bomb and a rotting liver in my car. Now the police are involved."

Ralph frowned, then looked at Walter.

"Walt, why don't you ever use your own stuff for experiments?"

Walter looked genuinely offended.

"Because her car has more consistent thermal conditions, obviously."

Ralph nodded thoughtfully.

"Makes sense."

Paige threw her hands in the air.

"I'm surrounded by lunatics!"

The sound of sirens in the distance made everyone fall silent. Toby raised an eyebrow.

"Well, Walter, I think this is where you tell your wife how much you appreciate her, and how you'll visit every sunday and keep her jail cell stocked with poptarts, before the cops haul her away."

Walter turned to Paige, his expression sheepish.

"Paige, I love you, and I promise to never use your car for experiments again… Probably."

The wrench clattered to the floor as Paige lunged for him, and Walter ducked behind the workbench.

"RUN!" Toby yelled, laughing as the sirens got closer.

"I already am!" Walter called back.