CHAPTER TWENTY TWO

Zak

"Swallow, Zahariya."

I couldn't breath. He had his hand over my mouth and nose so I would swallow the bitter water. I couldn't breathe.

"Shit. He's seizing." A voice I recognized but couldn't place said as I choked and swallowed.

I felt hands on my back and arms. Fear and muscle memory kicked in as I rolled to my right and tried to punch whatever was touching me. My eyes flew open for a second. So many faces.

"Woah, woah there. Easy man. You're okay." Another familiar voice said.

The nightmare started to fade and with it, seven year old me. Then it hit me. Shit. I was at Aaron's house. This wasn't supposed to happen! I didn't even go there! I took a deep breath, closed my eyes again and took stock. Elevated heart rate, uneven breathing, sore throat, mild chest pain. Standard. I took another deep breath and opened my eyes.

"Zak. It's okay. You're safe." Dean murmured soothingly and I realized he must've been the thing I'd tried to punch, because as my brain started to focus again, he was leaning over me, holding my right arm to my chest and pinning my left arm to the couch. He saw my eyes move to where his hands were and immediately let go. Holding up his own hands, he took a small step back and sat on the coffee table.

As I pushed to sitting, I wiped the tears away with the back of my hand, sniffed and shook my head, then swung my feet to the floor. I braced my forearms on my thighs, slumped forward and let my head hang. Inhale. One, two, three. Exhale. One, two, three.

I raised my head slowly, and the first thing I saw was Dean. Sat on the coffee table with his arms crossed and staring at me like he thought I might collapse at any second. I could feel Aaron's eyes on me as he hovered at my right. Brian was at the dining table, Ezra stood next to him and Sam was in the armchair. Every single one of them was looking at me with concern and pity. I hated that. I didn't need or want pity.

"Do you want us to call Saber for you?" Aaron asked softly as he stepped into my view.

"No," I croaked out then cleared my throat, "she's got three weeks left and I don't want her going into early labor because she's stressed about me. It's bad enough we're dealing with Fae royalty bullshit… again." I snapped and kept staring straight ahead.

Ezra licked his lip, "Do you want anything?" he asked cautiously, cocking his head to try and catch my eye.

"No." I clenched and unclenched my fists. "Just… just go away… please." I slumped back against the couch and scrubbed a hand over my face.

Dean stood up so fast it startled me, then clapped his hands, "Alright, ya heard the man, everybody clear out." He said, making a 'wind it up' motion with his finger.

Aaron and Ezra glanced at each other. Aaron narrowed his eyes and looked between Dean and I, "I think I should…"

"Sammy, you good?" Dean continued, cutting Aaron off and turning to the armchair.

Sam nodded, "Yeah, I'll be fine."

"Good."

Aaron grabbed Dean's arm and ushered him into the kitchen, where they, not so quietly, discussed how they should handle me.

"…shouldn't leave him…" came Aaron's concerned voice.

"…doesn't want you to see him like this."

"Still, I…"

I couldn't take it anymore. "All of you just go back to bed." Dean and Aaron came out of the kitchen, "I don't need a babysitter, I'm fine." I made to stand up but Dean stepped forward and put his hand on my chest to stop me.

Dean scoffed, "Like hell you are. No one would be fine after that. So there is no way I'm leaving you down here by yourself. So you know, just sit there and chill." He made an all-encompassing gesture at my chest.

I glared up at him and snarled, "I said I'm…"

He took another small step so that he was directly in front of me, "Sammy, when you get these do I 'go away'?" He crossed his arms and stared me down.

'Get these'? My eyes narrowed and I shot a questioning look at Sam.

"Well, we usually only have one room."

"Not the point Sammy."

Sam pursed his lips, then looked at me apologetically. "He's not going anywhere dude. Just accept it."

I felt a muscle in my jaw tic as I glared up at Dean, who continued to match my stare dead on. Shit. I wasn't going to win this one. He seemed as stubborn as Tori, and trying to persuade her not to do something was an exercise in futility. Added to that, if his little brother had the same problem, my chances of winning this dropped to zero. With that final thought, I slumped back against the couch in surrender.

Dean smirked, "Good man." Then turned to the guys, Brian had disappeared, "You guys head to bed, get a couple hours."

Aaron hesitated, then gave a small nod to Dean and I, and followed Sam and Ezra up stairs. He switched the main light off as he went, leaving only the tableside lamp on.

Dean gave Aaron a final smile and 'OK' sign as the three disappeared upstairs. After waiting until they were all out of sight he went to the kitchen.

"Now," he came out carrying a half-full bottle of whiskey and two tumblers, "the important question: glass or bottle?"

Dean

"…. glass or bottle?" I held the two options out and gave the bottle a little shake.

Christ, the guy still looked wrecked, but he still managed to shoot me an 'I will kill you and make it look like an accident' look.

"Glass." He answered after a second, looking slightly less murdery.

"Classy. I'd have gone with 'bottle'." I set the tumbler on the table with a 'clink' and filled it halfway then got a narrow eyed look of suspicion crossed with curiosity as I walked around the coffee table to the armchair, sat, then filled my own glass.

He leaned forward, braced his forearms on his thighs and ran his finger along the rim of the tumbler. "You're not going to ask?" Then cocked his head and looked at me.

"Nah. You don't seem like the 'chick – flick moment' kind of guy," I took a healthy sip of whiskey, "but it doesn't take a genius to figure out what was going down."

He nodded and took a drink.

I frowned. He still had his poker face in place but he probably felt like I would if I'd had one of those and Sammy saw it… Embarrassed and weak looking. "Look man, this whole group isn't exactly the picture of mental health," I tossed back the rest of my whiskey, "I'm sure everyone here has fucked up nightmares," I shrugged and refilled my glass, "you're just more vocal."

The corner of his mouth ticked up in what could almost be considered a smile. Progress.

"You're very cavalier about this."

"I don't know what that means, but I'm taking it as a compliment." He gave me the Vulcan as I raised my glass and smiled. I paused and tapped the side of my tumbler, "It happened at that locker didn't it?"

"Yes." He said into his glass and took another sip.

"Figured. Sammy said you zoned out and almost murdered a chair when you told him about going there. How, uh, how old were you?" I asked as casually as possible.

"Seven." He answered just as casually and tossed back the rest of his whiskey.

I set the bottle down slowly. Seven? My lips thinned and I could feel a tight anger in my gut. I gave another look at Zak and, for a second, I saw Sammy at that age. "People who hurt kids are cowards and deserve a special place in hell."

"Agreed. It's fine though, this doesn't happen very often anymore. And I know how to deal with it." He reached for the bottle, poured a bit more into his own glass and topped off mine. He took a sip, then clenched and unclenched his left fist as if he were checking for stability. "Why are you doing this?"

"Doing what?"

"You seem overly concerned about my well being in particular."

"I already told you. I'm terrified of your wife so you're not dying on my watch." I smiled, and hoped he would drop it.

"This wasn't a life or death situation, Dean." Then gave me a look that said he wasn't letting this go.

I took a deep breath and licked my lips. "Look man, you're gonna be a dad. You got out of whatever shit you were into. You have the chance of having a normal life." I heard my voice trail off and looked down at my glass. "And I was selfish. I'm the reason Sam will never have that." I muttered and raised my eyes to look at him.

Zak was staring at me, his face unreadable then nodded. "I understand."

"Really?"

His gaze moved to stare straight ahead, "Hmmph, better than you think." He replied, glass at his lips, then took a sip.

"Well, here's to being fucked up." I smiled and raised my glass. He stared at me for a second, then with a really small smile, he raised his glass too.

"Cheers."