Can I Keep It Safe?
…
The sequel to "Can I Keep It?" - Garrus and Shepard struggle with raising a baby in the middle of the war. Difficult decisions must be made to ensure their family's safety, and their own. How do you risk your life every day when there is so much to live for?
…
Disclaimer: This author in no way profits from the writing of this story. All characters, dialogue, or other referenced material from the Mass Effect trilogy belong to Bioware.
…
Time passed quickly in a war.
It had been several weeks since Garrus found baby Victoria in a Cerberus base. She was nearing five months old now, at least according to the birthday they'd made up for her official records. She was more active, reaching out for anything interesting dangled in front of her, babbling back at people who talked to her, and pushing up with her hands when they laid her on her tummy—or as Vega called it, "push-ups". Every day was full of new milestones and delights that Shepard had never imagined before.
Not that it was easy, trying to raise a baby during a war. If Shepard thought she'd been busy before, she had a whole new definition of busy now. But it was all worth it. Victoria brought joy to their lives that they hadn't known was missing.
Perhaps that was why it hadn't taken much (if any) convincing for Shepard to copy Garrus in baby-wearing around the ship, especially as she made her rounds. Everyone loved Victoria and that love was mutual. Victoria was a curious baby and enjoyed the changes in scenery and friendly attention she received. And it was a comfort to Shepard to hold her daughter when other things in the galaxy weren't going so well as her family life. Her mind drifted back to the destruction they'd seen on Thessia, but she forced herself to stop. She had to shake this off.
She strode up to the main battery door, greeting crewmen along the way. When she pressed the key to enter, Garrus turned around, looking lighter, happier than when she'd seen him in their quarters that morning.
"Jane," he greeted her warmly, briefly nuzzling her neck and stroking Victoria's hair.
The baby started babbling and waving her arms at the sight of him, so Shepard pulled her out of the sling and let Garrus take her for a moment. She was almost jealous of how much the baby adored him, but in truth the love between Garrus and Victoria was one of her favorite things to witness.
"And how was your day, hmm?" he asked, cradling her in one strong arm. Victoria crowed and waved her arms.
"Well, that sounds very exciting," he said. When she reached for his visor, he chuckled, gently moving her hand away.
"I have good news," he said, turning his attention to his wife. "I heard from my father. He and my sister are okay."
"That's fantastic!" Shepard said, relaxing into a smile. "That must be such a weight off your shoulders."
"Solana has a broken leg, but they're otherwise fine. They're route to the Citadel."
"You know that's our next stop," she reminded him. "You should take the opportunity to see them."
"Right," he said, suddenly looking nervous. "So, um… they don't know about you. I mean, they never knew we were in a relationship." He again moved Victoria's hand away from his visor, as she reached out with slobbery fingers.
"A whole six months on Palaven and you didn't mention it?" she asked, brow raised. Garrus was relieved that his wife seemed more amused than offended.
He looked down. "I wasn't sure what was going to happen. I couldn't talk to you while you were under house arrest, so my doubts and insecurities started to eat away at me. I wasn't sure if you would still want to be with me when we found each other again. I didn't know how long it would be." It went unsaid that he hadn't been sure he'd ever see her again once the reapers attacked.
They were both silent a moment, lost in memory, until Victoria wiggled in her father's arms and reached for Shepard, who took her back automatically.
"Do you still think he'll hate me?" she asked, absently kissing the baby's hair.
Garrus rubbed the back of his head. "I don't know. Things have changed since then. But I won't let him treat you, or Victoria, as less than you are."
Shepard nodded as she worked Victoria back into the sling. "Do you think we'll be able to meet them? Your dad and sister?"
He shrugged a little. "I suppose that depends on how my talk with them goes."
…
While Shepard went to meet with a Doctor Bryson on the Presidium, Garrus met his father and Solana at Huerta Memorial. For a turian, a broken bone was a serious injury. Though Solana would be released from the hospital soon, it would be a long time before she was fully healed.
Garrus followed the receptionist's directions to his sister's room, feeling his anxiety mounting with every step. Both his father and sister looked up as he opened the door.
"Garrus," his father said, subvocals singing with relief. He approached, pulling Garrus into a brief embrace. "I'm pleased to see you well."
"The same to you, Father," Garrus said. "I was worried." He moved to Solana's bedside, embracing her as well. "How are you feeling, Sol?"
"I'm fine," she said. "Ready to get out of here." Her leg was immobile in a brace, but they didn't have her on any IV drugs, which was a good sign.
Garrus chuckled. "You never were a good patient."
She flicked her mandibles in irritation. "Like you'd be any different!"
Castis motioned for his son to sit down in one of the chairs beside the bed. "How are you? I understand you're working for the primarch of Palaven?"
Garrus nodded as he sat. "I was part of the team that cured the genophage, Dad. Helping broker the peace. Since then I've been coordinating troops for the primarch, among other things."
His father's mandibles fluttered. "I would have said that curing the genophage was a bad thing, but we never would have gotten off Palaven without the krogan troops," he admitted. "Evacuations had practically stopped before the krogan arrived."
Garrus felt a lump in his throat. "I was a bit wary myself," he confessed. "But Wrex will keep his word."
"Wrex?" Solana asked.
"Urdnot Wrex. Leader of the krogan clans. He's an old friend."
"So you're back on Commander Shepard's ship?" Castis asked.
"I am," he said. "I can do a lot of good there." He took a deep breath. "About that… there's something else I need to tell you."
Garrus looked at his father and sister and gathered his courage. "Shepard and I are together. We have been since before I came home last time. Last month we… we got married here on the Citadel."
Solana's eyes were wide with shock. His father's mandibles flared a couple of times, but otherwise showed no reaction.
"Why didn't you tell us before?" Sol demanded.
Garrus rubbed the back of his head in discomfort. "I didn't know what the future would hold for us back then. We couldn't see each other. Couldn't talk to each other. If she hadn't found me on Menae, I don't know if we would have ever seen each other again." Garrus tamped down on the distressed subvocal that almost slipped out at the thought.
"And this wedding couldn't wait until after the war ended? So your family could attend?" Castis asked, his eyes intense, voice revealing nothing.
Still, it was a better reaction than what Garrus had feared. "Time was of the essence, so to speak," he admitted.
"Well I know you didn't knock her up," Sol said with a laugh. "So what could be so urgent?"
Garrus felt a blue tinge rising on his neck. "You're not as far off the mark as you think. There was a baby. In a Cerberus base."
"Spirits," Sol groaned, covering her face with a hand.
"We wanted to adopt her together," he soldiered on. "So we got married."
Castis leaned forward, his elbows on his legs. "You're telling me that since we last saw you, you now have a bondmate and a baby?"
Garrus shrugged, unable to beat around the bush or soften the blow. "Yes."
Castis leaned back against his chair with a sigh. "Well, at least you're alive."
Garrus's mandibles fluttered at that. "I thought you'd be more angry."
Castis shook his head wearily. "A war like this… grants some perspective."
"I'd like you to meet them," Garrus said. "But only if you're willing to greet them as what they are. As family."
He glanced at Solana. He had no doubt that she'd welcome Shepard with open arms, and would be excited about a baby in the family, even a human one. But his father…
Castis let out another sigh. "I have my reservations about Commander Shepard," he admitted. "I always have. But I will do my best."
"And a human baby?" Garrus pressed.
"The child is an innocent. I would never be so cruel," his father said.
Garrus nodded, satisfied. "I'll see if they can come by." He pulled up his omni-tool to make a call.
"Hi Garrus," Shepard said as she appeared on-screen. She sighed tiredly, running a hand through her hair. "This is a bit of a bad time."
Garrus's mandibles tightened. "What happened? I thought you were just meeting with that researcher."
"I was," she said. "His assistant shot him. Bryson is dead, C-Sec is cleaning up. EDI and I are trying to follow the trail of his research. It looks like we're going to be leaving tonight to find the location of a Dr. Garneau, another person from the research team."
"So no time to meet the family, then?" he asked.
"Not at the moment. But we should be back again soon, probably within the week."
Garrus nodded. "I'll leave you to it. See you back on the Normandy."
When he turned back to his family, Solana looked disappointed.
"Sorry," he said. "Looks like we're going to have to reschedule."
Solana changed gears quickly. "I bet I'll be out of the hospital before you're back. We can have a nice dinner or something. And I can get a gift for the baby! Do humans do that, too? Bring gifts for new babies?"
Garrus laughed, relaxing a little at his sister's enthusiasm. "I'm not sure," he admitted. "But I know Jane will appreciate it either way."
"What's the baby's name?" she asked. "And gender?"
"She's a girl, about five months old now. Her name is Victoria Hannah Vakarian," he said proudly. "Here." He pulled up a picture he'd snapped on his omni-tool.
Solana grabbed his arm, quickly typing in a command to copy the photo to her own. "Thanks."
Garrus turned to his dad, showing him the photo as well. "Do you have a place to stay?" he asked.
Castis nodded. "I've made contact with an old friend in C-Sec. He's kindly offered his home—as well as some temporary work at C-Sec—to Solana and I."
"Good," Garrus said, relieved. "I'll keep in contact, let you know when we're on our way back so you can meet my family."
Garrus saw his dad's expression shift, but it was gone too fast for him to tell what it meant. "I will wait to hear from you."
…
The following day, they landed on Mahavid in the Caleston Rift, in search of Dr. Garneau. They visited a mining facility there, but something—or, really, everything—about the facility seemed a bit off. The people behaved strangely. They repeated themselves, spoke slowly, barely seemed to know there was a war on. And they were doing everything but mining.
They had to fight their way through reaper creatures into the mines, where they discovered a strange artifact and the body of Garneau, killed by the miners. The artifact was just like one Shepard had seen shielded in Dr. Bryson's office. But this one was unshielded and active, and turned out to be controlling the workers of the mining facility.
Garrus couldn't begin to imagine how it must feel to regain lucidity after a decade and in the middle of a galaxy-wide war.
He was glad to return to the ship and hole up in the loft with his family. Victoria made the perfect distraction. He spent the time trying to teach his daughter to crawl as Shepard laughed at him from her desk. She'd tried to tell him that Victoria likely wouldn't crawl for at least another month or so. Garrus had read the same books, but he was pretty sure his little girl was smarter and faster than other babies so he ignored her and kept trying.
Next stop, Shepard told him, was the Citadel once again. She had to return to Bryson's lab. Garrus called his father and made the dinner date.
…
"I can't believe your 'important mission' was shopping," Tali grumbled.
"It is important!" Shepard insisted. "I need to make a good impression on Garrus's dad."
"It is a common trope in human media to be nervous about meeting one's in-laws," EDI said helpfully.
"Here's the store," Liara interjected. "I think we'll find something here."
After coming back from visiting Dr. Bryson's lab again, Shepard had spent about half an hour looking at turian fashion on the extranet before realizing she needed the help of her female crewmates. Turian clothing for women tended to be military inspired and structured, or draped and flowing with little in-between. She didn't have to dress like a turian to meet her in-laws, of course, but she imagined it couldn't hurt.
Garrus had oh-so-helpfully told her it wouldn't matter what she wore, which was just like a man. Shepard knew better. First impressions were important.
After a couple hours and several stores, Shepard finally settled on a structured dress that seemed military-influenced without being over-the-top. She didn't wear dresses often, but she thought it was appropriate for meeting the in-laws at a nice restaurant. She returned to the Normandy mid-afternoon to prepare for their dinner.
Garrus carried Victoria as they walked through the Citadel pointing things out to her as they went. Victoria looked around and blew bubbles, understanding nothing but being well entertained by all of the sights and sounds around her.
Shepard hadn't really thought about Garrus as a father before all of this happened, but he had taken to it as if he'd been born for the role. Watching him take care of their daughter was even sweeter than she could have imagined. It had hurt, before, to dream about the future, knowing there was a chance she might not have one. Chakwas had been on her for months about finding reasons to fight, reasons to stay alive. Well, now she had them in spades.
Shepard shook herself free of those thoughts as they arrived at the restaurant, a dual-chirality sushi place called Ryuusei. It was the first restaurant to attempt sushi for dextro diets, and even in the middle of a war it was becoming a sensation on the Citadel.
Shepard was impressed by the floor and wall made of glass, fish swimming below their feet. "Way better than my fish tank," Shepard muttered to her husband as the host led them across the restaurant to their reserved table. She saw two turians wearing Garrus's markings as they approached, one an older male with pale plates and one who looked remarkably similar to Garrus but smaller and slender, lacking the fringe of her male counterparts.
Garrus's father stood as they reached the table, his sister attempting to follow suit despite needing crutches.
"Please, there's no need to stand on my account," Shepard said, taking Solana's arm as she approached. "Certainly not with your injury." She helped Solana back into her seat and faced her father-in-law.
"Father, Solana," Garrus said, "I'd like you to meet my wife, Jane Shepard. Jane, this is my father Castis and my sister Solana."
Castis didn't extend his hand in a handshake but gave the more formal turian greeting, a deep nod. "Commander Shepard," he said. "A pleasure."
Solana, never much interested in formality, pulled Shepard down for a brief embrace. "Sister," she said. Shepard couldn't hold back a smile at that.
Victoria took that opportune moment to let out a loud "Da!" and wave her arms, looking for her share of the attention.
Garrus chuckled. "And this little one is Victoria," he added before they all took their seats.
"She's darling," Solana declared. "Can I hold her?"
"Of course," Shepard said. "She loves meeting new people." She took the baby from Garrus's arms to settle her in Solana's, showing Sol how to support Victoria's back.
"Hi," Sol said to the baby, who was looking at her curiously. "I'm your Auntie Solana!" Her mandibles were flared in a smile.
Victoria reached out and patted Solana's mandible before making a few unintelligible noises towards her.
"She likes me," Solana declared, and Shepard smiled. There was no need to tell her sister-in-law that they had yet to find anyone Victoria didn't like. They'd known since they found her sleeping through a firefight that she was a very easygoing baby.
"Oh," Sol said suddenly, reaching under the table with a free hand. "I got something for Victoria." She held out a gift bag to Shepard who began digging through the tissue. "I don't know anything about what human babies like or need, but the lady at the shop said this was a good gift," she rambled.
Shepard smiled as she pulled out a soft pink hanar plushie. "This is perfect, Solana," she said. "Thank you." She held out the toy to Victoria, who pulled it to her chest and began to gnaw on it with her gums.
Garrus chuckled at Solana's surprise. "She likes to put things in her mouth. It's normal for a human at her age."
They paused in their discussion as an asari waitress came by to take drink orders. When she'd gone, Garrus's father cleared his throat. "Commander Shepard, I wonder at you taking a turian for a mate. Surely there are many among your own people who would be interested in such a decorated soldier."
Out of the corner of Shepard's eye, she saw Garrus tense. Under the table she put a hand on his leg to calm him. "I can't say I was looking for a turian partner. I wasn't looking for any partner at all. But Garrus was my closest friend and had always supported me through thick and thin." At the confusion on Castis's face, she explained. "Human expression. Means he stayed with me when things were good and when things were bad. I was lucky enough to realize what was right in front of me, regardless of race."
"And if you had to choose between saving him and winning the war?" he pressed.
"Dad!" Garrus exclaimed, angry. Shepard squeezed his leg. Hard.
The thought of it made her heart clench. She didn't know how she would go on without him, but… "I would sacrifice anything and everything to ensure the war ends," she said quietly. "But it helps to have something to fight for, not just something to fight against."
He gave a small nod, leaning back in his seat. Garrus, seated between him and Shepard, was still fuming.
"May I see my grandchild?" Castis asked.
Shepard blinked in surprise at the sudden change, but nodded permission at Solana to pass the child over. Castis looked her over carefully, examining her tiny five-fingered hands and running his talons carefully through her downy hair.
The conversation continued as they ordered and ate, passing Victoria from person to person. When Victoria got a bit fussy, Shepard took her to go look at the fish, in hopes she could give Garrus a bit of time alone with his family.
"She's not what I expected," Castis said carefully.
"Jane or the baby?" Sol asked with a snort, before Garrus could say anything.
"Commander Shepard," Castis answered, a bit sharply. "A baby is a baby, Solana, regardless of species."
"You never wanted to know," Garrus said, looking at his dad. "You only saw what you wanted to see. I hope you're willing to give her a chance now."
"She is family," Castis said with finality, and Garrus relaxed, if only a little.
It wasn't long before Shepard returned with arms full of sleeping baby. They stayed a little longer before Garrus, ready to end the evening, suggested they get Victoria back to the ship.
"You'll bring her back soon, won't you?" Solana asked. "To visit her favorite aunt." She stroked Victoria's hair a moment. "You, uh, don't have any siblings, do you?" she added nervously.
Shepard gave a tight smile. "I don't have any family, actually."
Before Solana could figure out how to respond, Castis cleared his throat. "That's not strictly true," he said. "The Vakarians are… or were, before the war, quite a large clan. So you may not have had family before, but I suspect you'll have an excess of it now."
Her smile reached her eyes this time, even if they looked a bit glassy. "Thank you, sir."
Garrus put an arm around his wife as they left, heading back to the Normandy's docking bay.
"That wasn't so bad, was it?" she asked, Victoria asleep and drooling on her shoulder.
"No," he said, giving Shepard a slight squeeze. "It wasn't."
…
The mission to pick up Ann Bryson looked perilous. The planet itself was a wind-swept hellscape, now swarming with reaper creatures that had already killed much of the science team. Whatever trail they were on, the reapers were on it too.
And it was killing Garrus not to be down there to watch her back.
Garrus listened to the ground team's comms with mounting anxiety as Victoria napped against his chest. Looking down at her angelic little face didn't calm him this time. It only made him more nervous about Jane being out there without him. How would their daughter cope if her mother died in this war? He didn't want to raise Victoria alone.
His talons dug gouges into the main battery console as he stood listening, unable to focus on his work. He needed to stop listening. But he couldn't stop. He couldn't bear not knowing.
By the time the shuttle docked back with the Normandy, his nerves had worn thin. He left a still-sleeping Victoria with Liara as he met his wife in the shuttle bay, taking her into his arms before she could even put her weapons away.
He took her up to their cabin where they made love furiously. He pounded into her with a passion born of his fears until she cried out his name in ecstasy.
"What's gotten into you?" she asked, breathless as she lay recovering next to him.
"Thinking of you down there, knowing I couldn't help you…" He trailed off. "It was hell. Take me next time. I need to be there to watch your back."
"It could be even more dangerous," she protested. "Victoria needs her father."
"Victoria needs her mother, too. I have to do all I can to protect you, Jane. Please."
He could see her resolve weakening as her gaze on him softened. "Okay," she whispered, and pulled him to her chest.
They lay there together in silence for a long time.
…
Shepard, Garrus, and EDI geared up to head down to 2181 Despoina. To search for Leviathan.
"Victoria?" Shepard asked, checking over her rifle.
"Tali has her. Don't worry." He squeezed her hand. "We've got this."
They didn't.
When Cortez took them down towards the planet, a wave of energy threw out their engine. They landed hard on a derelict ship, drifting on the endless, angry ocean. The violent rocking threw heavy waves over the sides of the barge. While Cortez worked on the shuttle, Shepard and her crew searched for anything that might help them or make them understand what had happened here.
There were more of those artifacts that had so enthralled the reaper creatures and controlled the miners on Mahavid. Shepard ordered Garrus and EDI to shoot any they found. There were bodies of the crew, a few datapads that had survived the elements. Fragments of a nightmarish tale, revealing suffering, despair, and creeping mind-control.
Shepard, attempting to push down her fear, regretted ever coming to this hellish place.
The reapers weren't far behind them. Shining meteors fell from the heavens, releasing husks and other creatures to attack.
While the pulse that had killed their shuttle knocked reaper ships out of the sky, the creatures still came down around them. The source of the pulse, deep in the ocean below, was beyond their reach.
Cortez was the one to find the diving mech, to explain how it could be used. Garrus begged her not to go. But they both knew this was the only way they'd get back to their daughter.
"I'm going to do everything in my power to come back to you," she promised him. "But if I don't… you have to get back to Victoria one way or another."
He let out a low keen, a mournful sound. "Don't make me leave without you, Jane. Come back to us."
She kissed him before climbing into the mech. "I'll try."
She walked the mech to the edge and dropped, deep into the darkness.
When the Leviathan rose before her, she was afraid. When they reached inside her head, she fought. When they wanted to kill her, to ignore her, she argued. The pain in her head became unbearable, but she pushed through it.
For Garrus. For Victoria.
Later, she would barely remember the conversation where she convinced it to let them go, likening it to a dream. She began losing consciousness as the mech shot towards the surface.
She remembered falling out of the hatch, Garrus calling her name. A clash of weapons above her before darkness clouded her vision.
When she woke on the floor of the shuttle, she felt the vibrations of flight against her back. That awful planet was behind them now.
Garrus pulled her into his arms. "Never do that again," he said, voice tight. When she had the strength to pull back and look at him, his eyes spoke volumes more of the terror she had put him through.
He carried her to the Normandy's med bay, leaving only to retrieve Victoria. He held the infant close as he waited for Chakwas to finish.
"She just needs rest," the doctor finally proclaimed. A smile touched her lips. "A few baby cuddles wouldn't go astray either."
The little family retired to the captain's cabin. Garrus laid Victoria on Shepard's chest, who smiled at her daughter's baby noises. Garrus curled protectively around them both, knowing how close he'd come to losing everything.
Though Shepard quickly fell asleep, it was a long night for Garrus.
…
Shepard was different after that mission. She watched Garrus and Victoria with a hint of sadness, rather than the delighted smile of before. Garrus found her up in the middle of the night, staring down into Victoria's crib while the baby slept soundly.
After their mission to Sanctuary, Garrus finally asked her about it.
"I've been meaning to talk to you about this." Shepard swallowed hard. "The Normandy is going into battle." She looked at him with glassy eyes. "Victoria can't be onboard when that happens, Garrus. Above all else, we have to keep her safe. I have an idea."
Garrus felt his blood run cold at the thought, though he wasn't sure which. Was he afraid of his daughter being onboard when they took the Normandy to war? Or was he more afraid of leaving her behind?
His eyes went, unbidden, to the model ship display case that stood between him and Victoria's crib. His wife was right. They had to keep her safe.
He cleared his throat roughly, but the tightness in his chest didn't ease. "What do you have in mind?"
…
"Thanks for meeting us," Shepard said, her smile brittle. "We're hoping you can help."
"Of course," Solana rushed to say. "Anything you need."
Castis, more perceptive, frowned at the seriousness of the couple's expressions. He also seemed to notice the absence of Victoria.
"It's important," Garrus said, but would say nothing else. He looked to Shepard.
"I have a house," she said slowly. "On Intai'sei. It's remote, powered by solar panels and wind turbines. Has its own water harvester. It's self-sufficient. No one knows it exists." Sensing her struggle, Garrus reached out and took her hand, and she gave him a small, sad smile.
Shepard turned back to the others. "Things are coming to a head soon. We're taking the Normandy into battle," she said quietly. "It won't be safe for our daughter."
Garrus nodded, picking up the thread. "We'd like you to take Victoria to the house and hide until the war is over."
The room was dead silent. Solana's mandibles fluttered. Castis was still as a stone.
"I know you might rather stay here on the Citadel and continue working," Garrus said, watching his father's expression. "But Jane and I are asking you to do this. It would mean everything to us to know she's safe… and that both of you are."
"We have enough connections to get supplies to last you a few months, and a shuttle in case you need to leave. Let us know what weapons you prefer and you'll have them." Shepard's voice didn't waver, though her eyes looked bleak.
"When should we go?" Castis asked finally.
Garrus and Shepard shared a look. "Within the week," she said. "Hackett is waiting on my signal."
Castis turned to Solana to get her opinion. "Two days? I believe that is long enough."
Sol nodded silently, determination in her eyes.
"Make your preparations and we'll make ours," Castis said to Shepard. "I'll send you a list of what we need."
As they stood to leave, Solana rushed over, quick on her crutches, and tugged both of them into a hug. "We'll take care of her, love her like you would. I promise."
Shepard's eyes were glassy when she said, "Thank you."
…
Shepard clung to her daughter, savoring every moment of how it felt to hold her baby in her arms.
"Mama loves you," she whispered into Victoria's ear. "Remember that. I'm so sorry we have to leave." She kissed Victoria's head, her nose and ears and impossibly soft cheeks. She stared at the chubby baby hand that was wrapped around her finger and kissed that too.
With herculean effort, she reluctantly passed Victoria to Garrus, who'd been waiting his turn to say goodbye. She couldn't hear the words he said to their daughter, but she could see how he trembled with every breath, struggling as much as she was.
No doubt he feared what she did, that one or both of them wouldn't make it back to her. She had reason to fear that Victoria would forget their love.
The day before, Garrus had told her his idea, to record vids for Victoria, talking to her and telling her how much they loved her. Shepard prayed to whatever was out there that she could be more than a vid for Victoria as the child grew up.
Garrus came back to her side and held out an arm. The two of them huddled close, Victoria pressed between them. She wiggled against the tight embrace, unaware of what was to come.
Shepard gave her one last kiss on the forehead as she stepped away, and watched, heart clenching, as Garrus handed Victoria to his father.
"She will be safe," Castis promised.
"And loved," Sol added, her voice wavering.
Garrus clasped his father and sister briefly before coming to stand next to Shepard, putting an arm around her. "We'll see you soon," he said in a calm voice, but she could feel him trembling.
They watched the shuttle until it was less than a speck in the sky. When it had gone, Garrus pulled Shepard to him almost violently, arms tight around her and face buried in her hair. He let out a low keen that brought tears to her eyes.
"We'll see them again," she promised. "We will."
She prayed again that she could keep that promise.
…
Shepard felt hollow as they prepared to attack Cronos Station–the Cerberus base of operations. All she wanted to think about was the private shuttle taking Castis, Solana, and Victoria to Intai'sei. But she couldn't allow herself to think about that at all. If she wanted to return to Victoria, she had to focus on the mission and get it done right.
It wasn't a straightforward mission, not at all. There was information left for them that seemed almost designed to make them doubt themselves–herself and EDI specifically. And then the Illusive Man wasn't even there to be killed. Kai Leng was, and Shepard finally got the chance to deal with that bastard.
Had she been in a different state of mind, it would have been exciting to speak to another prothean VI. Instead, it was just another means to an end. Bad news followed–the last in a long line of bad news–that the Citadel, the last needed piece of the Crucible, had been relocated to Earth.
Given that the Crucible was otherwise ready, it was only logical that it, and every fleet, would have to follow.
…
London was hell on Earth, literally.
The shuttle dropped them right into the middle of it. The skies were dark and clouded, the only light came from the reflected glow of fires burning on the ground. They had a mission—take out the anti-aircraft cannon the reapers had placed so that the Hammer forces could land.
The shuttle caught a glancing hit on exit—Steve commed that he was okay, but he wouldn't be able to extract them. They'd have to depend on ground forces for that. There was no guarantee that they'd be extracted at all. But Shepard couldn't think of that now. She had to stay focused.
It was a rabbit's warren of old homes and businesses, with rubble forcing them to take constant detours. It was slow going to reach the cannon. There were reaper creatures around every corner. More brutes than Shepard had ever seen in one place. Every time the cannon fired, the ground shook violently, like a localized earthquake.
And finally they were in firing distance. Shepard hefted Cain onto her shoulder and carefully lined up the shot. Waited for the cannon to fire, made a quick realignment, then sent her own shot into the heart of the cannon.
The explosion was blinding, and the tremors nearly knocked Shepard off her feet. And then it was done. She took stock. She, Garrus, and James had no serious injuries, but more reaper creatures were on the way. They needed to get to the nearest Alliance base, since no extraction was coming. Perhaps the base could send a ground vehicle. Shepard tried the comms, calling out their location, but only got static in response. No telling if anyone was coming. They would make their way towards the base on foot.
They were swarmed by husks and cannibals, bolstered by the occasional brute or even a banshee. They made little forward progress towards the base. Fortunately, a truck pulled up and a few marines poured out, emptying their weapons into the swarming reaper creatures. And then Anderson was there, pulling them aboard. They rolled away, towards the Alliance base. Safe, for now.
Anderson briefed her on the situation. None of it was good. Harbinger himself had shown his face, and seemed to be headed towards the beam. The beam which, she learned, was the only access point to and from the Citadel now that the arms had closed. It strengthened her resolve—the controls for the Crucible must be accessible only from the Citadel. She needed to be there. A plan was in the works. For now, they would restock and repair.
The rest of her team arrived at the base as well, and she saw several friends and allies directing their troops from the base as well. There was time, so she spoke with everyone briefly, pausing longest with Garrus.
"Any word from your family?" she asked, and they both knew what she was so eager for.
"A brief message from Dad," he said. "They're at the house and settling in, unpacking supplies. Victoria is well."
Shepard let out a breath. "Good. That's good."
"She's safe," he said again, putting his arm around Shepard. "We'll see her again soon."
Shepard closed her eyes, leaning against Garrus's armored shoulder. "You sound so certain." She wasn't feeling it. Anxiety knotted in her stomach.
"I know it," he said quietly. "Jane, you were born to do this. I've followed you into hell before and we always make it back. It'll be just like old times." His mouth curved into a small smile.
Shepard let out a slight laugh. "Maybe a little different from old times. I have more to live for now." She felt the cool pressure of her wedding ring under her glove.
"Damn right," Garrus said. "I've been looking at real estate. Waterfront homes have never been more affordable."
Shepard laughed in earnest now. "Waterfront rubble, probably."
Garrus shrugged, looking smug at the sound of her laughter. "Semantics."
"It does sound like a good dream though," she said. "A house on the beach. Just us and Victoria."
"Not a dream," Garrus countered. "We'll make it happen. Just have to get through today first."
Shepard sighed, out of the daydream now and remembering what was left to face before it could become a reality.
Garrus turned her in his arms to face him. "Jane…" he said. "Forgive the insubordination but your husband has an order for you. Come back alive." He swallowed. "It would be an awfully empty galaxy without you."
With that, she could no longer hold back. She kissed him, and tried to put all the love she felt into the kiss so he would know everything he meant to her. When she pulled back, there were tears in her eyes.
"There is no power in this galaxy that will stop me from clawing my way back to you," she promised, voice low. "And if I don't come back…" She took a deep breath. "Know that I used my last breath trying." She swallowed back a sob.
She took a step back. "I love you, Garrus. Now let's focus up. Like you said… we just have to get through today." She nodded, blinking back the tears that had formed in her eyes.
Garrus nodded, understanding her as he always had. "I love you too. And I'll be ready. I have your back, always."
…
The run towards the conduit was chaos. Reaper beams dug crevasses in the concrete and dirt. The vanguard was destroyed as it advanced. All Shepard could do was run. Garrus and James followed behind, trying to keep up in the chaos. Then a mako went flying, right on top of Garrus.
Shepard felt her heart stop, and ran for him. His legs were trapped beneath the vehicle. Without a word said between them, she and James worked to lift it, to pull Garrus out. Trying to regroup, they remained behind the mako, using it as cover.
"Hello?" Shepard called into her comm. "Anyone? I need evac!" She couldn't help the panicked tone in her voice. He had to live. If she was going to go on, she had to know he was safe.
There was nothing for several seconds and then she heard Steve Cortez. "I've got the shuttle up and running, Commander. I can do a pick up if you get out of the line of fire."
She could have kissed him. She and James helped Garrus move from cover to cover, away from the reaper fire and most of the action. When they reached the shuttle, she all but shoved the pair of them inside.
"Jane, please…" Garrus begged. James was practically carrying him, and he knew better than to think he was anything other than dead weight. But he hated this, hated letting her go on alone.
She shook her head sharply. "If I'm going to do this, I need to know you're safe. I love you, Garrus. I always will. Go… now."
She stared at the shuttle until it was out of sight, and took a moment to center herself. She has to get to that beam.
Shepard ran. But Harbinger was there too. She heard his voice, perhaps outside, perhaps in her head, laughing as she was hit by a glancing blow from the beam. When she got her bearings again, all the soldiers around her were dead. It could have been moments. It could have been hours. Shepard didn't know. She did the only thing she could do: She dragged herself forward, using whatever strength she had left. Into the beam. And into the Citadel.
What happened after that felt like a fever dream. Anderson was there, and the Illusive Man, and later a child made of pure light. There was a choice. But not the choice she wanted. She was told she would never make it back alive.
She thought of Garrus, of Victoria, and did what she had always done—what was necessary. She marched forward again, pulled out her gun, and fired. And everything disappeared into a sea of red.
…
Shepard was floating on a river of darkness. Blissful nothing. No pain, no light, no sounds. Peace.
And then there was a voice. It was muffled, just sounds at first. But it was enough to drag her to the surface of the river.
It was familiar, warm and comforting. She couldn't move her body, but something inside her reached for the voice.
"Good job, sweet girl. You've almost got it," said the voice. "Now we just need to get the legs and arms moving at the same time."
Shepard's eyes opened and closed again at the brightness of the light. Where she'd come from, there'd been no light. She tried to groan, but only the slightest sound came out.
It was enough. There was the sound of movement somewhere past her feet, which felt impossibly heavy. The sounds weren't as pleasant as the voice.
With eyes still closed tight, she felt, rather than saw, someone leaning over her.
"Jane?" He paused. "Love, can you open your eyes for me?"
She wanted to tell him no, that it was too bright. But she couldn't speak. She tried opening them again, and to her relief, his form, leaning over her, shaded her eyes.
Garrus smiled down at her, Victoria in his arms reaching for her. "Welcome back."
It was some days before she had the strength to speak, much less to feed herself or hold her daughter in her arms. But Garrus was always there, and Victoria nearly as much. Their daughter was being well cared-for, he promised, between her adoptive relatives (the Vakarians) and her honorary ones (the Normandy crew).
As soon as Shepard was able, she spent much of her time sitting up in bed, cuddling Victoria, and looking at real estate listings—at Garrus's insistence.
"Pretty sure I could get this one habitable within a couple of weeks," he said.
Shepard looked at him, baffled. "Why not just ask Liara to take care of it?" Her voice was scratchy and not as strong as it once was, but she was too relieved to have it back at all to care.
Garrus shrugged. "Is it really your home if you didn't put some blood, sweat, and tears into it?"
Shepard blinked. "Has James been showing you human movies lately?" It was just plain weird to hear quintessential human phrases coming out of a turian mouth.
Before Garrus could retort, Victoria started squirming. "She wants some floor time," he said. "She's really starting to get the hang of crawling now."
As he moved from the bed, bringing the baby with him, Shepard said, "Add that to my argument for moving into a finished house. A repaired house." She paused. "Maybe Liara can find us a baby-proofing expert too."
Garrus, seating himself at the edge of a spread-out blanket, smiled up at her. "Point made, Jane. I'll ask her."
Shepard smiled to herself. She knew he would do anything for their daughter.
…
"One story, wheelchair accessible. You'll need a hover chair for the beach, I'm afraid, and those are hard to come by now," Liara said. "But this kind of rationing won't last forever. Say the word and I'll have the house prepared for you."
"Not sure we need that many bedrooms," Shepard replied. "There's only three of us."
"You're not considering adopting more?" Liara asked, faux innocence in her blue eyes.
Shepard huffed a small laugh. "And make Garrus's little princess share him?" She scoffed. "I don't think so." Truth be told, Shepard felt the same way. Victoria had become the center of their little world, and she couldn't imagine adding someone else to it.
Liara smiled. "If you say so. Then consider the extra rooms as guest rooms for your crew who is going to miss you desperately once you've settled down."
Shepard couldn't help returning the smile. "You know you're always welcome."
"Shall I make the call?" the asari asked again. "I can have it ready in about… ten Citadel days."
"Do it," she replied. "I'm ready to go home."
For a long time, when Shepard had thought of home or spoken of it, she had meant the Normandy. For the first time in years now, home would be somewhere on the ground. It would be strange, but she hoped that it would be a good kind of strange. It was time for a change.
…
It was evening when they arrived. Garrus helped Shepard from the skycar to her wheelchair and placed a sleeping Victoria in her arms. Shepard marveled at the view of the stars, and the quiet peacefulness of the evening.
It was hard to believe this secluded sanctuary was only a short shuttle ride from Cipritine, where Garrus would occasionally travel for work and where most of the extended Vakarian family lived.
"It's so beautiful here," she said in a hushed voice. Garrus only smiled, and pushed her towards the front door.
She'd seen it a dozen times on vid and in photos, but it was better in person. Coming through the front door, she could see straight through to the waves, glinting with moonlight. Floor to ceiling glass windows lined the back wall of the living space. She continued exploring the house, but her favorite features were the views, regardless of what room she was in.
Victoria's room was all set up her old belongings from the Normandy and more—things Liara thought they might want or need, plus gifts from all of their friends and crew. There would never be a more-loved child, Shepard often thought. She pressed a key on the side of the crib to open it so she could lay Victoria inside. A swipe of her omni-tool allowed for constant monitoring of the infant's vitals while she slept.
Garrus closed the door quietly behind them as they exited and continued exploring the house. The last stop was their own bedroom. It had the same floor to ceiling windows with omni-barriers so that they could open them and allow the sounds and scents of the ocean in without risking their security.
Shepard was eager to go out and enjoy the beautiful night. Garrus stepped back inside and returned with wine. He poured them each a glass and pulled up a chair next to her.
"Does the reality live up to the dream?" he asked her.
Shepard took a sip of her wine, looked away from the crashing waves, and gazed into his eyes. "It's better."
For years this kind of peace had been nothing but a dream. She'd had no family, no home, and for a long time no hope. Now, she had everything she'd dreamed of and more.
Shepard leaned her head on Garrus's shoulder and smiled.
…