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Chapter Eight
He stopped dead in his tracks.
Everything was dark in front of him. He couldn't tell where he was going, what he was headed towards, just that it was shrouded in darkness.
From the corner of his eyes he could see the outline of light, directing him back towards Potter.
For Merlin's sake…
"Lost your way Malfoy?" Potter taunted behind him, not realizing how close he was to the truth.
It made him feel dizzy, how badly he was trying not to turn around. It was taking all his self control. He closed his eyes, willing his body to just move away from all of it.
"Geez!"
He felt arms reaching around him as he started to fall forward. His eyes stayed closed as he allowed the feeling of Potter's proximity to wash over him. It was a warmth spreading through him, bit by bit centering him back into his own body, allowing him to regain the feeling of his own limbs.
"Come on, sit down," Potter said, slowly guiding him down, until his knees reached the ground, buckling as he sat down. The ground felt refreshing under him.
It was the only comfort he held onto as the warmth of Potter's touch was lost to him.
There was a moment of silence before Potter added, "Do you need anything?"
"Some fucking peace would be delightful."
The Gryffindor sighed, "Well at least you still sound like a git even if you look like shit."
Draco slowly opened his eyes and was immediately greeted by the light emanating from Potter. It pushed another wave of dizziness back onto him.
He felt Potter looking him over, searching his face and his eyes. "You won't tell me what you've got?" he asked.
"You won't tell me about your lover's spat?"
"Right."
Draco pinched the bridge of his nose, hoping to minimize as best as he could the spinning in his mind. As he leaned forward against his knees, Potter leaned back on the palm of his hands, looking up at the sky.
The sun was starting to set and the moon was already high up in the sky, hiding under thin clouds.
Draco allowed himself to look at it. With Potter as close as he was, he was able to see the sky, to enjoy the sights, just as the side of his thigh felt like it was burning from where it grazed Potter's calf.
They remained in that silence for a while, letting the breeze softly pull their hair in front of their eyes.
For reasons beyond his comprehension, Draco felt calm next to him. No apprehension, no fear, no tension. Perhaps they had apprehended, feared and tensed each other enough for a lifetime.
Potter breathed in deeply and finally murmured, "She's upset because I don't spend enough time with her."
"Well you do have a lot of redheads to please."
Draco thought he saw the ghost of a smile on the Gryffindor's lips and it took his breath away.
"Lucky Ron's not as clingy," he replied, taking in a soft breeze passing over them. "Not that Ginny's particularly clingy," he added with his eyes closed, "She's pretty reasonable in her demands."
"And you do not acquiesce because…" you don't love her? You don't want to be with her? "Her orangeness is contagious?"
Potter rolled his eyes good-naturedly, "Yeah after eight years I'm definitely scared of catching it."
Mimicking Potter's position, Draco leaned back, hoping to take in the crispness of the evening. Hearing Potter speak to him in a tone that was normal, like they were actually talking felt amazing.
The same way when he saw him earlier and realized that he looked accessible. Hearing him talk, it was like the blond was allowed to have this moment, to have him.
That it was possible.
"Well go on," Draco said, "If not for contagion, why avoid your ladylove?"
"I'm not," Potter replied quickly, "She just doesn't understand I don't want to be around her all the time. Thinks it means I don't love her."
Draco sucked in a breath, knowing that the truth in that phrase was that he did love her.
"I just…" Potter continued, "I just get impatient when I'm around people too much, I need time alone to recharge so that I can be really present when I see her. And she doesn't understand. She wants this fusional relationship where we're together every waking moment."
That sounds nice.
Draco cursed himself for thinking like that. For desiring that same fusion the Weaselette wanted. It made him sick to think that they might have that in common.
He cleared his throat and answered, "Aren't you scared I'll run to your Paramore and reveal your deep desire to isolate yourself in the cave where you are surely from?"
"Hardly," he scoffed in reply, "By the looks of you, you'll take anything I say to the grave."
A small moment of silence weighed on them both, whereby Potter stared heavily at the grass.
Finally he muttered, "Sorry…"
"Mister Golden boy apologizing to me," Draco replied with a discreet, "Who'd have thought."
When the Slytherin glanced over to Potter, he saw the frown on his face, felt the slight increase of his heartbeat. Something in him realized, with certainty, that the Gryffindor was afraid, for him. Afraid at the idea of him disappearing.
And for an instant, Draco couldn't breathe.
"Pothead," he called softly and waited until the raven shared his gaze before whispering, "I told you I'm not dying."
"I know."
Draco felt his eyes travel along the different features of his face. He wondered what he saw; whether it was the physical changes that came with his inheritance, the digging of his cheeks, the bags beneath his eyes, the way his clothes fell around his body. His brows furrowed as he looked. But soon his eyes met Draco's once more and it was like that worry waned.
Potter breathed out and it joined Draco's lips like a soft breeze.
"I should go," The Gryffindor added in a hush.
Draco nodded.
They kept looking at each other. Draco noticed how in the center of his eyes the green seemed to veer towards a lighter blue, intensifying his gaze in a way he had never noticed before.
Potter got up slowly, keeping his eyes locked onto his. He put his hands in his pockets awkwardly.
"Will you be alright?" he asked.
Draco imagined the darkness that would come over him as soon as his mate would leave, the fear and desolation that would come with it.
It reminded him of the days his father punished him, sending him to his room without his wand and without his dinner, in the complete dark of the manor. As a kid, Draco had been afraid of the dark. It came deeply with associations of meetings in caves, in the lost passages of Knockturn alley. This of course had not gone unnoticed by the Malfoy elder and he had exploited it heavily.
Mostly it reminded him of times of weakness.
"Yes," he replied with more venom than he had intended, "I will be perfectly fine. Go find your redhead."
Potter raised his hands in defense, "Just asking, geez."
And he walked away.
Draco waited there until the light slowly faded. The little bubble surrounding Potter was carried further and further away.
Draco kept his eyes closed all along but sensed how a string pulled at his chest, wanting him closer.
After a while, he heard steps nearing, but considering the lack of feeling in his body, all he knew was who it wasn't.
"Hey Dray," he heard.
He knew at once it was Blaise.
"Zabini. It has been a while."
"Yeah…" he heard the shifting of his past friend's body against the grass. "I can't stay long," he murmured, "Can't be seen, you know… Just wanted to know if you're better."
Draco nodded, finding relief in hearing the familiar voice.
"I've been better," he admitted, "But fabulous as always. I can still win a game of chess against your lame ass."
"I doubt that somehow," Zabini muttered under his breath before adding loudly, "Challenge accepted ! How about tonight?"
Draco wished he could see his face to tell how he was. Zabini had always carried his heart on his sleeve and the blond had always been able to tell his true emotions from the twitch in his eyes.
He felt lost.
"You're on." He replied however.
They stayed in comfortable silence, as they used to in the common room. Draco enjoyed the company, feeling at a distance how a burn was creeping onto him.
Until it got so present he grit his teeth against his cheeks until they bleed.
And a shorter chapter again.. just started work so doing my best!
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