"Each of us must confront our own fears, must come face to face with them. How we handle our fears will determine where we go with the rest of our lives. To experience adventure or to be limited by the fear of it." —Judy Blume

/

I hardly sleep between the pain and the nightmares. I jerk awake from a particularly vivid dream of being buried alive, Uncle's voice pleading with me to choose the right path. I sit up abruptly, my rips screaming and covered in sweat. I rub my face with the palms of my hands, trying to shake the feeling of terror and being unable to breathe. Shudders rack my body, my heart pounding in my chest. It feels like the walls of this room, no cell, are closing in around me.

I jump to my feet and pace up and down the meager confines of the small space. I want to pound on that stone wall and scream until someone lets me out. It feels like a weight is pressing down on my chest. I can't breathe. And it's not just my broken ribs causing me to gasp for air.

It doesn't soothe me at all, the reminder that I put myself here, my cruel actions and poor decisions put me here. I have only myself to blame.

My hands shake when I run them through my tousled hair. I can almost hear Uncle gently chiding me, "Breathe Prince Zuko. Focus on your breathing, nephew." Teers spring to my eyes. Spirits, I miss Uncle.

This time, I heed Uncle's advice. I take a deep breath, ignoring the pain, and sit cross legged on the ground. Folding my hands in my lap, I close my eyes and let the room slide away. It's just me, my breathing, and my fire. Nothing else exists.

In through the nose.

Out through the mouth.

"Power in firebending comes from the breath, not the muscles." Uncle's voice echoes in my head. "Your breath becomes energy in your body, the energy extends past your limbs, and becomes fire."

It's only now, after losing him, do I finally begin to understand what he was trying to teach me. I never gave much thought to my firebending before, reacting on instinct and letting my rage and hatred drive me. I can't rely on anger and hate anymore. I'll burn myself up otherwise. It took too much to claw myself back from the edge to get where I am now. I don't want to slide back down that abyss. I'm terrified I'll never be able to claw my way back if I do.

I open my eyes, letting go of a breath of flames that should have bathed the room in fire. Instead, all I get is a tiny puff of smoke.

I slump forward, putting my head dejectedly in my hands. I want to sob and laugh at the irony of it all. If the others find out my firebending is so weak it might as well be gone, they won't let me teach the Avatar firebending. I'll lose any hope I have of proving myself!

No! That's my old way of thinking. I can still teach Aang. I have all of Uncle's old lessons I can fall back on. What I'm really afraid of is losing the only thing that felt like mine. Firebending made me feel safe, powerful, in control. It was a crutch to help bury all my feelings of insecurity and hopelessness.

As Uncle would say, perhaps this is just an opportunity to draw my firebending from a different source.

Or, losing my firebending is a just punishment for my past actions.

The stone slab is suddenly moving and I give an undignified, startled yelp. I scramble to my feet, clutching my side as it twinges in pain.

I don't know what I'm expecting but it's definitely not Aang carrying a tray full of food.

"Morning!" Aang says cheerily. "I thought you might be hungry."

I blink at him, staring longingly past his shoulder to the open air of the temple courtyard.

Aang catches my look of longing before I can hide it. He winces, settling the tray of fruit and grouse on the bed. "Sorry. Can't let you out. The others don't think it's wise to let you roam freely." He makes no move to reseal the door.

Gratitude rushes through me, and I give him a small smile. Reaching for the food, I settle down on the bed to eat. "Thanks."

Aang immediately brightens, catching my double meaning.

"So." Aang perches on the floor across from me. "How do we start?" I can tell he's more than just nervous. He's afraid of firebending. And that won't do him any good. It'll only get him and those he cares about hurt.

"You start by telling me why you are so afraid to firebend."

Aang blanches, refusing to meet my gaze. "I lost control and burned Katara. A single tear slides down his cheek. "I vowed to never firebend again after that."

"Hmmm." I pop the last grape into my mouth, settling onto the floor as well. " I know just where to start then."

A spark of eagerness is back in Aang's eyes when he looks back up at me. "You do?"

"Yep." I pop the p. "We start with breathing."

Aang physically deflates, groaning.

I raise an eyebrow.

Aang looks embarrassed when he answers my unasked question. "I sought out another firebending teacher, Jeong Jeong, a long time ago." He shuts his eyes against the memories. "It didn't go well."

I nod. "Only a fool seeks his own destruction. To master the bending disciplines, you must master discipline itself."

Aang gapes at me. "How'd you—"

I smile as I continue, "Fire is alive. It breathes. It grows. Without the bender, a rock will not throw itself But fire will spread and destroy everything in its path if one does not have the will to control it."

Aang just stares at me, amazement and disbelief in his eyes.

I fold my hands once more in my lap. "Jeong Jeong and Uncle are fond of the same sayings. Are you ready this time to listen and master discipline itself?"

There's still shock written all over Aang's face, but he takes a breath before nodding. "This time I think I am."

"Good. The power of firebending comes from the breath. We'll start with mastering proper breath control."

Aang frowns.

"Do you want to learn firebending or not!" Some of my frustration creeps out despite myself.

"Yes," Aang says firmly.

I exhale, trying to let my frustration go. "Let's try this. What form did you take meditating with the Air Nomads?"

Aang immediately crosses his legs and presses loosely fisted hands together.

I copy him, feeling my breathing deepen and expand. I can tell by the rise and fall of Aang's chest that his has too. I even manage to block out the pain all this deep breathing is eliciting from my ribs.

"Learning to control your breathing is similar to meditation."

Aang's brow furrows slightly but he doesn't interrupt me this time.

"Now, let everything else fade away until it's just your breathing. Inhale through the nose and exhale through the mouth. Inhale. Exhale…"

I continue directing for a few minutes before I petter out the instructions, watching Aang's chest rise and fall. His eyes have closed and there's almost a serene look to his expression.

I smile, feeling uncharacteristically proud. I was secretly terrified I'd be a horrible teacher. But I find I actually…enjoy teaching.

I join Aang in his breathing, matching my inhales and exhales with his. I lose all track of time. Time doesn't really matter in this state. Only the breath and learning discipline and control.

"Aang!" Katara's scream shatters the moment.

Aang jerks to his feet and I startle so bad I hiss at the sudden return of the pain in my side. I want to curse Katara for interrupting us. Aang was actually getting somewhere. But I reign in my irritation. My old self has no place here anymore.

"In here!" Aang shouts, floating on an updraft of air to the doorway.

Katara and Sokka appear almost immediately, out of breath and panic in their eyes. Toph, Haru, Teo, and the Duke are close behind them. They all crowd into the doorway of the room without a thought for how cramped the space already was with just me and Aang.

By the look of murder on Katara's face, I know I'm going to get blamed for something. I get stiffly to my feet. Might as well face whatever this is head on.

"Where've you been?!" Katara demands.

"Here." Aang looks quizzically at Toph. "You couldn't sense me?"

"No," she says flatly. "I couldn't sense you or him," she just her chin out at me, "anywhere."

"Couldn't find you either," Teo says softly.

"Thought the ashmaker had already betrayed us," Haru growls.

The Duke nods in agreement.

Despite the harsh words, excitement crackles through me at the same time Aang exclaims, "What?!"

"You've been gone all day!" Sokka gasps, still catching his breath. "We'd thought—"

"I'd captured Aang and took off?" I finish the accusation, stepping up next to Aang. "Nope. Aang here has been learning how to master his breathing."

Katara scowls at me. "All day?"

Only then do I realize night has fallen. Oops.

"He succeeded though!"

"I did?" Aang says skeptically.

"Toph couldn't sense him because he was so in tune with his breathing." I can't help a bit of my old self shining through. "What's the big deal?"

"The big deal?" Katara snaps, shoving past Aang so she can shove me in the chest. "Is that you can't be trusted!"

I grit my teeth in pain, my anger dissolving. I hang my head in shame. "I meant no harm."

"Katara." Aang pulls her away from me. "I'm fine. Still here. And Zuko was just teaching me. No harm done."

Katara growls at us both in response, stalking past her brother, Toph, Haru, Teo, and the Duke. "Make sure he's sealed in," Katara spits in my direction before disappearing.

I feel like I've been hollowed out. I know Katara hates me. But I didn't expect this level of venom. I should have though after what I did in Ba Sing Se.

Haru gives me a withering glare before gesturing to Teo and the Duke to follow Katara away from me. The Duke leaves without a backward glance, but Teo shoots me a questioning look like he can't figure me out. Hey, I'm still trying to figure myself out.

Aang gives me a sheepish look, mouthing, "Sorry."

"It's okay. Really."

Aang just shakes his head.

"Come on Aang," Sokka says with a glare in my direction. "There's food waiting to be eaten."

Toph just grins at me before blocking the doorway once more.

I'm left in absolute darkness.

/

"Why won't you give Zuko a chance!" Aang finds himself yelling at Katara as soon as he catches up to her before he can think better of starting an argument he has no hope of winning.

Katara whirls on him. "He's the enemy Aang! Why can't you see that?"

Aang stumbles back a step at the ferocity in her tone. His voice is surprisingly soft when he speaks next, "Zuko seems just as lost and alone as I first was when I came out of the ice. But I had you and Sokka to help me. Zuko has no one."

Katara just rolls her eyes. "Don't come crying to me when he inevitably betrays you!" She stalks away, her shoulders tense with rage.

Aang watches her go, feeling an incredible sadness creep over him. He's going to lose her because he has faith in Zuko. He just has to hope Katara will come around or it's going to tear the group in two.

Author's Note

This is the beginning of where I expand upon Aang's firebending training since we get so little of it in the TV show.

For this story I chose to have Zuko know Jeong Jeong before he deserted the Fire Nation army. He knows Jeong Jeong and Iroh are close friends but does not know that Jeong Jeong is a high-ranking White Lotus member.

For those who want to deeper explanation as to why Toph could not sense Aang and Zuko through earthbending here it is: inspired by the Taoist meditation technique of Ding 定 (intent contemplation or perfect absorption). When Aang and Zuko successfully use Ding they are completely connected to their breathing and the universal energy around them making them impossible for Toph to sense through earthbending. Disclaimer: this a fictional interpretation of Ding. I also want to emphasize that I am not Chinese or practice Taoism. I do my best to be culturally responsible and research any inspiration I have from cultures that are not my own. If anyone feels like I'm overstepping or misrepresenting their culture, please let me know and I'll edit accordingly.

I also want to clarify that, in this story, Aang is not interested in Katara romantically. I'm keeping most of the relationships (for now) plutonic, with an emphasis on plutonic love and chosen family. In most of my writing I focus on relationships that are misrepresented or not represented at all in books and the media. I aim to write stories that I would have loved seeing when I was growing up and trying to figure out my own identity and where I fit in the queer community.