A/N: "AU" as used in this chapter stands for "arbitrary unit".
-o-
Having taken his assigned seat, Naruto studied the deadly weapons laid out before him—weapons which he had seen destroy one Academy student after another, and which the Chūnin Exam creators now expected him to wield. Yes, to a certain kind of mind there was nothing more terrifying than the question sheet, the huge stack of answer paper and the sharpened HB pencil.
In an act of unexpected charity, the question sheets had been placed on the desks face-up. Apparently the organisers were either optimistic or pessimistic enough to believe that a couple of minutes' extra thinking wouldn't make a difference to the results.
The first question (for some reason labelled no. 143) was on the differences between the form and function of various kinds of clone, and was not something a typical genin would know in that level of detail. It made Naruto more than a little suspicious. If this was the level of knowledge required, then why had all of his year's genin been recommended for an exam this hard after mere months in the field?
Fortunately, Naruto was not a typical genin. Sure, everyone knew that ordinary clones were just frail chakra shells wrapped around thin air, which made them terrible at storing chakra or performing more than the simplest techniques, and vulnerable to anything worse than a light gust of wind.
But not everyone had studied water clones in detail, and knew that they were volumes of fluid held together by the attracting power of Water-polarised chakra, with distributed processing across the entire body allowing them to more closely imitate the original's mental and chakra systems, and store sufficient chakra reserves for at least a few low-level techniques. The mass and easy flow of the water made them agile and potentially hard-hitting, but at the same time it leaked out rapidly once their outer shells were pierced, causing them to lose shape and disintegrate when damaged. It was the reason Zabuza's clones had been so effective, but also the reason why each had gone down from a single clean hit.
On the other hand, even to Naruto, shadow clones were a mystery. The forbidden technique scroll had detailed the hand seals, mental techniques and subtleties of chakra manipulation needed to craft clones out of Yin, or Shadow, chakra. This was not the same as explaining what Shadow chakra actually was, or how it related to the conventional circle of elements. Presumably the assumption was that if you'd been allowed to study the Hokage's scroll of forbidden techniques, it would be because you were an elite jōnin who already knew the theory. All Naruto had been able to figure out, without access to restricted materials way above genin clearance, was that it did not shape carefully-programmed and fundamentally inhuman golems out of suitable materials at hand. Rather, it had the extraordinary ability to create fragile but exact copies of the user's physical and chakra structure out of Shadow (whatever that meant), resulting in self-aware, literal clones.
Of course, this was not enough to explain the mechanism of sharing and retrieving ordinary chakra, or the incredible ability to receive destroyed clones' memories. Unfortunately, the other ninja who knew the technique, Kakashi-sensei and the Hokage, were too sensible to give a mere genin, much less a creative genin, that kind of classified information. Nor were the only other Shadow users he knew about, the Nara Clan, likely to share their secrets.
Naruto was still browsing the other questions, which also demanded either specialised knowledge or advanced mathematical or reasoning skills, when Morino Ibiki's voice filled the classroom.
"I will now tell you the rules for Stage 1 of the Chūnin Exam. Listen carefully, as I will say them only once.
"In front of you are question sheets, each containing a unique set of ten questions randomly selected from this year's database, and answer sheets with your name and seat number printed on them. Write the question numbers, together with your answers, on the answer sheets. You need not show your working.
"For every correct question-answer pair handed in at the end of the test, you will receive one point. The highest scoring half of you, which is to say ninety shinobi, will then be permitted to proceed to Stage 2. Note that if even a single member of a team does not make it into the top half, their entire team will fail, and the rankings will be adjusted accordingly, eliminating the team with the lowest-scoring member each time until there are thirty successful teams. In the event of a tie, the member with the lower seat number will be eliminated. Seat numbers have been assigned at random and are not distributed sequentially.
"Interfering with or attempting to copy another candidate's work is considered cheating, and anyone caught doing this will be docked ten points. The invigilators you can see around the edges of the room are not part of the test, and any attempt to interfere with their work will lead to immediate disqualification.
"That is all. You have an hour. You may now begin."
Now this was interesting. Since completing only your own question sheet could score you a maximum of ten points, it followed that anybody wishing to beat the average would have to copy other people's answers. Or they could destroy said answers so they could not be handed in. After all, what mattered was not one's absolute score, but by how much it was above or below other people's.
This fit perfectly, Naruto realised, with the fact that being caught cheating incurred only a loss of points rather than disqualification. It was a game of risk versus reward, doubly so if every teammate had to pass, and of course some of them would be stronger academically and some of them would be better cheaters.
But under those conditions alone, the exam was unwinnable. A ninja smart enough to answer these questions would also be smart enough to know that the optimal strategy for them personally would be not to write down their answers until the last second, preventing anyone from copying or destroying them. But what would happen if every smart ninja did that?
Probability (or more likely the teams' respective Kage, given the need for complementary skill sets) dictated that virtually every team would have one average-intellect genin. In that optimistic case, you'd end up with ninety smart ninja passing, thirty slightly less smart ninja failing, and sixty average ninja failing and dragging their passing teammates down with them. In other words, the strategy that would have been optimal for an individual exam would instead mean every single ninja failing.
The natural response would be for the smart ninja to figure out the answers and then somehow pass them on to their teammates without writing them down. But this would require the teammates (again, genin not blessed with particular intelligence) to hold very complex answers in their heads until the end of the exam, and then write them down in a hurry without making any mistakes. Nobody in the bottom third was going to do that well enough to displace someone in the smart top half and make sure their team passed.
That meant you'd have to physically pass the answers to your teammates, in a potentially interceptable way, who would then have to write them down. Communication, which raised the score that most needed raising, but could be intercepted. Interception, which simultaneously raised your score and lowered somebody else's, but was hardest to pull off. Copying, which raised your score but required time and concentration. And destruction, which lowered somebody else's score but gained you nothing directly. Four separate skill sets. Four separate strategies. Four separate ways to get caught by the invigilators.
Why couldn't all of Naruto's exams have been like this?
For Team Seven, the key would be Sakura. All three had excellent academic skills, but whereas Naruto's shadow clones gave him amazing flexibility, and Sasuke's Sharingan was the perfect tool for the job, Naruto couldn't see how Sakura was going to cheat effectively. His strategy would therefore have to include some way of safely getting her additional answers.
Not writing anything until the end. Ensuring the others had enough answers to hand in. Not getting caught by the invigilators. What was the most effective way to work within these requirements given Naruto's specific skillset?
Naruto spent a few minutes thinking, during which time, imperceptible to the casual observer, all the cold hells broke loose. Then a lightbulb lit up inside his head, and he had to stop himself from laughing out loud. It was so simple. Stage One wasn't a challenge anymore—it was a game, and a game with invulnerability and infinite ammo codes at that. Yes, Naruto liked that metaphor. Now that he no longer had to worry about getting high scores, it was time to hunt down the secrets.
-o-
Hinata deactivated her Byakugan, and carefully dipped her brush into the inkwell of foul-smelling liquid that she'd brought with her. It was tricky to use for fine writing, but being a Hyūga was all about precise coordination. It was also about being prepared, in accordance with the unspoken First Law of Hyūga Hiashi: "Everything is a test".
A minute later, a swarm of tiny insects crawled onto her desk, settled exactly on the words she'd written, paused for a second, and then disappeared again.
Elsewhere, Kiba reached down under his desk and retrieved a slightly chewed answer sheet from Akamaru's mouth. "Nice work," he whispered. "Now go for that guy there, the one that smells of three-day-old cut grass and fear."
-o-
A Hidden Waterfall genin stabbed desperately at his answer sheets again and again, unable to make even the tiniest mark, and equally unable to see the very fine layer of sand that was covering them. A few seats down, someone else's sheet slithered away of its own accord, almost as if pulled by a puppeteer's strings, while a gust of wind blew a third's away.
-o-
Shikamaru shook his head briefly to get rid of the disorientation, and quickly looked over the coded message on the sheet in front of him.
Done. Answers from 57 and 123 at the bottom of your stack, and copied to Chōji. He says surveillance is complete on 21 and 44, but he's coming under attack from 118.
I'm down to around 14 AU. Five more Mind Transfers tops. Six might knock me out, and I've reached the safe toxicity limit on Chōji's soldier pills.
Also feeling pretty wiped. I hope there isn't a combat test right after this.
He wrote his reply.
Good job.
2 AU: Take 41. Memorise then destroy his answer sheets—he should have five.
2 AU: Use 41 to destroy 42's answer stack. 41 has a hip flask, likely containing acid, which may help. Stealth optional, but dispel before 42 retaliates.
2 AU: Take Chōji. Give him 41's answers, and tell him to follow the instructions from Sheet 3 Part B until further notice.
I'll take over comms with Shadow Imitation, but I don't have a good angle on Chōji, so I may need to route through you. Save your last 6 AU for that and emergencies.
You can run light interference for the rest of the exam. If in doubt, follow Sheet 2 part C.
Yes, there was an even more obvious and reliable strategy available, and he might still have to make use of it in an emergency. But building the plan around Chōji and Ino's abilities would give them confidence for the next stage of the exam. And besides, he didn't want to shut his friends out of one of the most important events of their career.
-o-
Neji, watching closely to catch that one gap in the invigilators' line of sight, threw a folded paper dart to Rock Lee, who caught it with ease. The latter read it, then began to drum an exact little pattern on his desk with his flawless sense of rhythm. Some carefully-strung ninja wire hummed softly under Tenten's desk at the far end of the row.
Unbeknownst to any of them, the Sound ninja took careful note.
-o-
Naruto finished the last of his mental calculations, and quickly spawned and destroyed a pre-transformed shadow clone in his lap.
The door to the exam room flew open, and a certain familiar blonde jōnin rushed in.
"Attention, everyone. The Chūnin Exam is cancelled! You must—"
She didn't finish. Morino Ibiki glanced at her forehead protector, sprang out of his chair, and dealt her a knife-hand strike to the temple that would've knocked out any normal person. Since the jōnin was not a normal person, she instead vanished in the Shadow Clone Technique's characteristic puff of smoke. Morino-sensei's eyes narrowed in annoyance.
Of course Naruto had left a few disguised shadow clones outside in case he needed them. After what he'd had to do to get out of Haku's technique, he was never making that mistake again as long as he lived.
Naruto basked in a warm glow of self-congratulation. He hadn't been completely sure it would work, but that distraction had drawn everyone's attention, if only for the couple of seconds he needed.
Over the course of their career, every ninja gradually developed their own unique toolkit. Sasuke, for example, already had a thing for ninja wire, and Kakashi-sensei always carried those dog-summoning scrolls. As for Naruto, one of the first things he'd learned as a prankster was that quick-setting glue had a million terrible uses, and he never went anywhere without it.
The springs had been more difficult. Ordinary ones were a pain to carry, and his early experiments had shown that trying to compress a shadow clone spring far enough typically crossed its damage threshold. After all, the resilience of materials created by disguise techniques typically did not reach beyond the object's surface.
Fortunately, he'd eventually had a brainwave, which was simply to transform the shadow clones into an already-coiled state. And now there was a bunch of clone ping-pong balls glued to various points on the classroom ceiling, watching the other genin's abilities and tactics. Long hours spent as a bush while looking for an opening to get Sasuke had taught Naruto that one's disguise did not need conventional eyes or breathing apparatus to connect to those of the user, and after that it was just a matter of experimentation and skill to learn how to use different sizes. As for positioning, well, Kakashi-sensei's teachings on peeping techniques had not gone to waste.
-o-
Taking advantage of her neighbour's temporary distraction, the Mist ninja made a few quick seals.
"Water Element: Exploding Soap Bubble Technique!"
A series of tiny, barely visible water bubbles poured out of her mouth and, guided by her will, floated unerringly towards her target's stack of answer paper.
Its owner whipped around.
"Fire Element: Desert Mirage Technique!"
A haze of hot air enveloped his part of the desk, making it impossible to accurately tell the location of his papers, while simultaneously creating an updraft that sent the water bubbles up towards the ceiling, perilously close to one of Naruto's clones.
The Mist ninja urgently began a new technique to pre-empt his retaliation.
"Water Element: Concealing Mist Technique!"
A very localised and very thick fog completely enveloped her possessions, making them impossible to target.
But her opponent was undeterred.
"Fire Element: Firelighter Technique!"
He leaned in to the very edge of her fog, a blade of flame streaming from his mouth. Less than a metre long and barely a centimetre wide, it was nevertheless enough to set everything in front of her on fire, while taking advantage of her own technique to conceal the fact from the invigilators.
-o-
Sasuke's Sharingan was fixed on the back of a genin a few rows ahead of him, and his body moved as if on its own, imitating the exact movements of his target as the latter wrote down a new answer set.
-o-
Shikamaru casually flexed his fingers in the air in front of him, as if performing hand exercises to prevent writing cramp. A genin two rows ahead stared in horror at his own disobedient hands as they shredded answer sheet after answer sheet. Then the girl on his left began to do the same...
-o-
"Your time is up. Put down your pencils and come forward to hand in your answers when you are called."
Naruto had only a single sheet in front of him, hastily filled in at the very last second. It would be enough.
He placed his hands under his desk and muttered, "Multiple Shadow Clone Technique".
-o-
Ibiki gave a heavy sigh. In front of him in the examiner's office lay countless separated stacks of paper. Three from one examinee. Five from another. A rare few even had collections in the double figures. But one of these things was not like the others.
Two hundred copies of the exact same sheet of correct answers, except that while the majority said "Uzumaki Naruto", there were also a few with "Uchiha Sasuke" printed on them, and quite a number with "Haruno Sakura". And while Ibiki knew for a fact that he could reduce those sheets to absolute non-existence simply by poking them hard enough, the fact of the matter was that the insufferable child had indeed handed in two hundred sets of correct question-answer pairs.
-o-
The results were in. Naruto, of course, was way at the top of the list where he belonged, with a score five times that of the next most successful candidate (namely Sakura, because apparently Naruto had overdone it with her safety margin). Hinata's team was pretty high up as well, while Chōji's was almost exactly in the middle of the top half, neither exceptionally high nor exceptionally low. And Naruto noted with some glee that while Neji's team had managed to secure a pass, their score was unremarkable at best.
"You little bastard!"
Once again, Naruto's success was not being met with the appreciation it deserved.
"What's wrong, Sakura?"
"What's wrong?" Sakura hissed. "You just completed the written test for me, without even asking for my permission!"
Naruto was genuinely confused. "But I made sure our entire team got through, without risking anyone failing. Isn't that what you wanted?"
Sakura threw her hands up in impotent rage. "You just don't do that! How do you think I feel, having everything I did completely trivialised because you wanted to show off?"
"But if I hadn't done it, you might have failed," Naruto said in his most reasonable voice.
Oddly, this only seemed to incense Sakura further. "Could you not have asked first? 'Say, Sakura, how are you doing with the test? Would you like me to help you?' And don't tell me that you couldn't have figured out a way to communicate with all those ridiculous techniques of yours!"
Seeing that people were beginning to stare, Sakura finally took a few deep breaths to calm down.
"You didn't even consider that maybe, just maybe, I might have been doing fine on my own. Or that maybe there was some way you could've backed me up without cutting me completely out of my own exam. Tell me, did you think of that at all? Even for a second?"
Naruto shook his head sheepishly. He was tempted to point out that Sasuke hadn't tried to help her either, but a little voice in the back of his head firmly told him not to go there.
"Screw you, Naruto." Sakura rolled her eyes in disgust and walked away.
Sasuke didn't say anything, but the look of pure, unadulterated hostility he gave Naruto before he followed Sakura suggested that if he'd had a bone to pick with Naruto before, it had now grown to the size of a full dinosaur skeleton.
It was at this moment that Naruto's brain took the opportunity to remind him that until an hour ago, his plan had been to play the fool one last time in order to draw attention away from his team.
Somehow, Naruto's great victory now felt a little hollow.