Gorse pads side-by-side by Maplefall. Duskeyes had chosen them for the dawn patrol. He yawns, he had just patrolled the Thunderclan border last night. Though he is grateful that this time he can spend the patrol with Maplefall.

She had returned before his patrol last night and was sleeping in the warrior's den.

So he hadn't had the chance to ask her how things went and if Riverclan is on track to getting better. But he's nervous to bring it up in front of the other members of their patrol, Ravennose and Silentwisp. Ravennose is Rushstar's eldest daughter and Silentwisp is a loyal Shadowclan warrior. He doesn't want them to overhear any doubts he and Maplefall might have about Shadowclan helping Riverclan.

Frost glitters on the ground where the sun hasn't scorched it away, leaf-bare is almost here. He hopes that Shadowclan and Riverclan are prepared for the cold season.

Looking at the Thunderclan border he sees that some trees still have leaves on them. A pang of homesickness strikes through his heart. He misses hunting in the woods that are so different from the pine forest.

But it's best that he left. His clanmates all spurned him, well except for his foster mother, father, and the elders. They treated him like he was a dumb kit and only good for apprentice tasks. At least in Shadowclan, while he isn't a full member yet, he is trusted to help hunt and patrol the borders.

Plus it helps that they have three apprentices who can do the apprentice tasks.

He wonders how close they are to their warrior ceremonies. It can't be long now.

"Everything okay, Gorse?" Maplefall asks, breaking into his thoughts.

He nods, "Yeah. Oh and Rushstar said that when I pass my third trial he'll hold a name-changing ceremony for me."

"That's wonderful. Congratulations."

She adds, "Was it hard to be on your own with my clanmates while I was away?"

"Yes. But Dewsplash and Chestnutpounce have been really friendly to me, so it wasn't all bad."

Maplefall breathes a sigh of relief. "That's good. A part of me was worried."

"You don't need to be. I've made my choice. I'm staying in Shadowclan to be with you and to carve out my own path."

Some part of him has a little doubt that she and him will end up being mates together. After all she had loved Runningstalk so deeply, and then he hurt her inadvertently by not loving her back and choosing Butterflydapple as his mate over her. Could she ever love him as deeply as Runningstalk?

He really, really likes her. She's funny, smart, understanding, kind, compassionate, loyal, a good hunter…

And he's just… Well, him.

"Is something bothering you?" she asks.

"No."

"Are you sure? You know you can tell me."

Gorse hesitates. Should he really tell her about what Rowanclaw said?

Before he can answer her, a voice calls out, "Brokenheart? Is that you? We need to talk."

Turning back to the border, he's surprised to see his blood mother standing there. Her gray tabby pelt looks like a mess, and her blue eyes look sad and angry at the same time. He gulps.

He groans. Does he really have to confront her now?

"Go on, talk, I'll wait for you back in camp. We can finish marking the border," Maplefall mews, nodding to Ravennose and Silentwisp.

She adds in a whisper, "Good luck."

And with that the patrol disappears into the bushes.

Great. Just perfect.

He faces his mother and coldly asks, "What do you want?"

"I just want to talk. How's Shadowclan? Do you miss Thunderclan?" Cinderflight asks.

"Shadowclan's fine. And I do miss Thunderclan a little bit," he replies honestly.

To be honest, he only really misses Sweetbrook and Dustsmoke. And the elders. They had all comforted him after Duststar's cruelty at his warrior ceremony. And his foster mother and father were always there for him.

Sometimes he wishes he could just talk to them, like he could when he was in the same clan as them. But now he has to wait once a moon to get the chance, if Duststar chooses them to go at all.

"I'm sorry for the way I left things… I want to make amends truly I do," Cinderlight explains, pleading in her blue eyes.

Gorse doesn't believe her. She had been so upset and angry when he had denied Graystar's warrior name. And even before then, she was always distant and never there for him. She never checked in on his progress as an apprentice, and yet she would do it for Bramblebeam. She would ask Bramblebeam's mentor how her training was going, but would never ask his mentor, Moontuft, about his training.

Honestly, if it weren't for Sweetbrook, Dustsmoke and his foster siblings, before his warrior ceremony, he would have been all alone in Thunderclan, despite his kin being so close.

"How could you make amends?" he snaps. "We never had a relationship to begin with!"

The gray tabby she-cat looks taken aback by his outburst, but it's true. Throughout his whole life she's been so distant that they never had a relationship to begin with.

"I…. I'm sorry, but I…"

"There's no excuse. You explicitly ignored me, and made it clear that you favored Bramblebeam more than me because you spent time with her. Not once did you check on me during training. It was only when I failed that you started to take an interest, and even then it was the bare minimum of interest. Bramblebeam helped me train to retake my assessment, Sweetbrook and Dustsmoke encouraged me that I could do it again and pass, and yet my own mother did nothing. You let me struggle by myself. I was lucky that some cats actually cared about me to help me!"

Cinderflight snaps, "I did what was best for you!"

"Don't make me laugh! Ignoring me was the best thing for me? Really? You're lucky Sweetbrook and Dustsmoke were kind enough to take care of me, and give me the love I needed."

"I was heartbroken after Nectarclaw died! We confessed our love for each other, but waited some time before we became mates. I… It was too short. And you look exactly like him. Every time I look at you, I can't help but think what might've been had Nectarclaw survived greencough. And I lost a kit not long after."

Shock pulses through Gorse. He had heard through Bramblebeam that Cinderflight's reason for ignoring him was because he looked like his father, but now… To hear it straight from his mother himself…. It angers him.

"But I'm not him! And I never will be! My father was a great fighter and a part of some grand destiny. I'm just an ordinary warrior, who's great at hunting. My fighting skills aren't even on par with his. And you have to accept that, Cinderflight."

Cinderflight looks at him, her gaze filled with sorrow. "You'll always be like Nectarclaw to me, Brokenheart."

"Don't call me that. That's not my name!"

"But it is, no matter how much you wish it wasn't. Duststar gave you that name, and you'll bear it all your life."

Gorse growls. "You think I deserve that name?"

"You rejected Graystar and in so turn rejected Nectarclaw. You're so much like them, why can't you see that?"

"Because I'm not them!"

"You are! They make you, you."

"No they don't!"

Frustrated and angry he mews coldly, "You're not my mother, and Nectarclaw isn't my father. I refuse to be a part of a family that can't see for me. I am my own cat. Not Nectarclaw or Graystar."

Without waiting for a reply he dashes back into the cover of the pine forest. Everything blurs around him as he runs, but he doesn't care. Cinderflight doesn't understand. No cat in Thunderclan understands!

Why can't they accept him for him like Shadowclan! The cats there have never compared him to his ancestors, instead they praise him for being him!

And it's nice! For once he feels free of the burden his ancestors legacy has put on him ever since he was a tiny kit. For once he feels like he can chart his own path and not be put down for once. For once he feels happy.

I won't let anything take that away. Not Rowanclaw, not Toadfoot, not any cat!