Chapter 105 I don't own Merlin. So, I don't know just why I keep writing so bad… Writers block and a dead brain, I guess. Or my little baby niece tht was born a little bit ago. Sorry for forgetting to update btws!

"You're leaving?" Morgana asked as she walked with Cassie through the gardens a few weeks later.

"Yes, Gildas asked me for a favour. He's got four kids and no one to watch them."

"Do you think I could go with you?" she asked nervously.

"GIldas is…not a person you want to cross. And he's fiercely protective of those kids. I don't know how well received we would be if I showed with someone he barely knows."

"Oh." she said, gently fingering the petals of a flower in disappointment. "The nightmares have been getting worse. I'm afraid."

"Morgana." Cassie said softly, taking her friend's hand and leading her to sit in the quiet respite of a shady tree. "Give me your necklace. I might be able to help, but it might not."

"You're going to do magic?" she asked with wide eyes, looking around her worriedly.

"For you? Of course, you're my best friend. I'd do it for any of my friends. You know I mean it! For anything." Cassie told her, accepting the dainty necklace and closing her hand around the green crystal pendant. "Forstand underhnígeð friþsme þæm awefecungum."

"What'd you do?" she asked, the quick glow of her friend's eyes scaring her slightly

"Wear this at night. Hopefully it'll help you stay in a peaceful sleep." Cassie told her, handing it back and smiling as Morgana hugged her tightly.

"Have you done this before?" she asked, putting the necklace back on and smiling as she felt at peace.

"A few times. When I was your hairdresser." Cassie said, smiling kindly at her.

"That's why it was so easy to calm down with you around."

"Yes. I've never tried it like that before, though. I don't know if it'll work." Cassie said, looking at the slightly glowing crystal. "Or if it'll last long."

"I'll let you know." she said, watching as Gwen walked nearer to them.

"You two look happy, anything I should know about?" she asked, sitting by them and laying out their lunch on a picnic blanket.

"Cassie…magicked the necklace to help me sleep." Morgana whispered, leaning forward so Gwen could hear clearly.

"You did what?" Gwen asked, slightly panicking. "What if someone saw you!? You could get executed!"

"Relax, Gwen. I made sure no one was around." Cassie said consolingly. "Just…don't tell Arthur. I promised him no more spells."

"We won't say a word." Morgana told her, smiling widely. "How's the no magic promise going?"

"Terrible. I stop, and then I use it again."

"Like a drunkard trying not to drink?" Gwen suggested, furrowing her brow in worry.

"No." Cassie said with a giggle. "More like a warrior not training."

"It's like an itch you need to scratch." Morgana said, nodding.

"No, that itch has been thoroughly scratched." Cassie said with a deep blush. "It's an instinct. Like breathing or eating."

"You and Leon do seem very happy together. I have never seen him that happy and I've known him all my life." Gwen said with a sweet smile.

"I am. Happier, perhaps, than I was with Owaine." Cassie said, smiling wistfully as she thought of him.

"I don't know about that. Your love with Owaine was something else. Far more innocent and quiet. You and Leon are pretty much the opposite; loud, raw, and concupiscent." Morgana said, smiling knowingly.

"What?" Cassie asked, her brow furrowing in confusion.

"Carnal, she means carnal." Gwen told her with a chuckle.

"Oh, oh!" Cassie said, blushing deeply as she realised what they meant. "We're not that loud."

"We went to wake you and ask if you fancied a picnic last week and we could hear your…" Gwen said, trailing off at the end with a meaningful wink.

"Screw Arthur, I'm using magic to keep that from happening again." Cassie said, her face as red as the tomatoes on her plate.

"Oh, so that's why you and Owaine were never heard?!" Gwen said with comically wide eyes.

"Exactly." Cassie said, looking at Gwen awkwardly.

"What?"

"Nothing." Cassie said, smirking as she saw the blush on Gwen's cheeks and saw what she was thinking. "Although, I don't suppose you're going to tell us who has you so flustered?"

"Excuse me, my Ladies. I have chores to complete." Gwen said, her eyes going wide as she quickly stood up and gathered the empty plates.

"You know something I don't?" Morgana asked, watching Gwen escape the conversation.

"No, but I suspect she's a lover and she won't tell us. Do find out while I'm gone, won't you?" Cassie said, smiling brilliantly at her friend as they both stood up and hooked their arms as they wound their way back to the palace.

"It would be my pleasure." she answered. "Besides, maybe I can finally tell her about Merlin and myself."

"You still haven't!" Cassie said, looking at her in surprise.

"I haven't found the right turn of conversation for it." Morgana defended herself, both of them walking into the cool palace and to her chambers.

"That is not entirely true and you know it!"

"You can read my thoughts!" Morgana said after a gasp of recognition. "Is that how you knew Gwen…"

"I can, but no. I haven't and I won't invade your privacy."

"Have you ever done it with Merlin? Arthur?"

"After you found out in Ealdor. I needed to know what he thought. I felt guilty immediately after, I have no right to invade someone else's private thoughts." Cassie said, looking at the floor.

"Can I ask you a favour?" Morgana said, looking at her friend closely.

"Sure."

"Can you do it with Merlin. I-I need to know how he feels about me."

"I'm sure if you ask him yourself he'll tell you the truth. How do you feel about him?" Cassie asked softly, sitting down on her settee and watching as Morgana paced Cassie's room nervously before sitting beside her and taking her hand.

"I love him." she admitted in a whisper. "But I can't do anything about it, Uther would have his head, Arthur would banish him."

"Arthur…might surprise you if you trust him." Cassie said slowly, smiling at her friend. "I have to go, Gildas is expecting me."

"What do you mean he'll surprise me?" Morgana asked, following after her.

"Arthur loves you, Morgana. You're his sister, he's your brother. And, even though he'll disagree and deny vehemently, he thinks highly of Merlin." Cassie told her after she could collect her thoughts, smiling at Leon when he entered. "I won't be gone long. I'll see you when I get back."

"Yeah. Bye Cassie. Sir Leon."

"My Lady." he said, bowing to her as she smiled and left them. "You're leaving?"

"Yeah, I know I forgot to tell you. Gildas asked me to watch his kids maybe a month ago. I agreed."

"Will you accept my offer to accompany you?"

"I'd love that. I really would, but I don't think a Knight of Camelot would be well received."

"I understand." he said, smiling at her. "Let me know if you need anything."

"I wouldn't be opposed to you riding with me to the meeting point." she said, smiling widely.

"After you, then." he said, flourishing his arm out.

"Thank you, my Lord." Cassie said, taking out a few of her simpler dresses and folding them neatly in her bag.

"We are alone, you know." he said, walking up behind her and hugging her to him.

"No more 'my lord' or 'sire' it seems." Cassie said, smiling up at him as he bent down to kiss her.

"No, I just wanted to kiss you." he said, kissing her forehead. "Also, I almost figured you'd use magic to put everything in the bag."

"Ha ha, I am accustomed to doing everything with magic, but I also am accustomed to keeping my promises. Or trying to, at least. I'm not very good at the whole 'no more magic' rule. I really did try."

"I know. And I'll make sure Arthur does, too." he said, taking her hand and squeezing it lightly.

"Come on, love. Let's go before it gets any later. I hate travelling at night, the roots always make me trip."

"Alright." he said, letting her lead him down to the stables and out the city.

"Merlin! What are you doing here?"

"Oh, er, herbs." he said.

"Last I checked, that's wood."

"Well, it's good to know your eyesight's not gone bad." Merlin said jokingly. "Where're you going?"

"To see a friend." Cassie said with a wide smile. "Why so curious?"

"No reason. Have fun." he said, walking away with a friendly smile, humming to himself.

"Is it just me or does he get stranger every day?" Leon asked, clicking his teeth so the horses would move forward.

"Yeah, he does. But if you knew him like I do you'd be grateful for it." Cassie said mysteriously.

"What do you mean?"

"Another one of those quirks between us." Cassie replied, staring forward and thinking of a way to change topics.

"Okay, I'll give you that." he said, chuckling to himself.

"Have you ever just wondered what it would be like if we were born in another time?" she wondered after a few minutes of them in comfortable silence.

"No. I like my life. Even more now that you're in it." he said, looking at her. "What about you?"

"I miss my family. I miss Owaine." Cassie said softly, turning to look at him as he made sure his face was impassive atop hid steed.

"He was a good man."

"I loved him dearly. But I love you now." Cassie said, stopping her horse and looking at him. "You know that, right?"

"I do know that." he said, his eyes softening as she got off the horse and watched him do the same. "And I love you."

"If I do some magic right now, will you…"

"Go ahead, my love." he said, nodding at her as she turned around and chanted. "Íc i āhāte, bewerigend þæm stántorre, becum ed underiernan." She heard his intake of breath and saw the way he stiffened from the corner of her eye, keeping her features neutral as he appeared in front of her.

"Is this a trap?" Gildas asked as the sound of a sword being unsheathed rang in the air.

"No, it's not."

"Reflex." he said, sheathing it slowly but keeping his eyes alert.

"You come with a Knight of Camelot, Cassie?"

"He's a friend. He won't hurt you." Cassie said, looking at him seriously.

"He's your love." he said, looking at the knight and extending his hand. "You're a lucky man. She turned down her Kingdom and safe future with a man who loved her for you."

"I know." he said stiffly, reluctantly taking his arm.

"Now that you've met, let me say goodbye." Cassie said, walking between the two and leading Leon away.

"He can stay with you." Gildas said, stopping her from leading him any farther away.

"What?" Leon asked, slightly startled.

"I trust you, you trust him, so I trust him." Gildas said slowly.

"I don't think that's a good idea." Leon said. "I have duties in Camelot."

"Leon, a word?" Cassie asked, leading him and his horse away. "I love you. I'll come back the moment he gets back."

"I know I said, but I can't. My duties…"

"Are to your King. Go, enforce his laws. I understand completely." Cassie said softly. "A lifetime of following your King's orders made you the man I love. I won't ask any different."

"Thank you, Cassie. I'm sorry I couldn't-"

"It's completely understandable." she said, cutting him off with a hand on his cheek. "I love you. Safe journey back."

"If anything…" he said, trailing off as she smiled at him and pulled him down for a kiss.

"I wish I was taller."

"I don't. You're perfect just the way you are." he said. "Stay safe, my love."

"I will." she said, kissing him once more and smiling as he mounted the horse and kicked off at a trot.

"No amount of love will reverse the years of fear and brainwashing Uther's done." Gildas said, a soft hand on her shoulder.

"Yes it will." Cassie said, taking a shaky breath. And closing her eyes. "It has. Arthur's trusting me. Leon's seen me do magic many, many times and he doesn't hate me. Morgana, Gwen, they don't care about my magic."

"That's because she has magic." Gildas said.

"What?" Cassie asked, looking at him and demanding an answer.

"She's a Seer. A powerful one. And she's part of the prophecy."

"I need to hear this prophecy." Cassie said, crossing her arms and raising her eyebrow at him.

"After I get back. Come on." he said, mounting her horse and helping her up behind him.

"You can transport with a horse!" Cassie said, her eyes wide with shock.

"Only if you're experienced and powerful. I'd tell you not to try it, but you prefer the portals anyway." he said, turning in the saddle to look at her.

"No portals!" Cassie said, blanching at the thought.

"Are you okay?" he asked her, dropping the reins worriedly.

"The portal killed her, I'm not making any more of those detestable things." Cassie muttered, looking nauseous.

"Okay, just close your eyes, it's different when there's small people. We're travelling with a horse now."

"What's the difference?"

"The energy it takes to travel." Gildas told her, his eyes glowing gold as they reappeared with a gust of wind in his lands. "I can borrow some magic from the land and form the horse."

"The horse?" Cassie said, dismounting and looking at him strangely.

"Magic is energy, Cassie. It's life." he said, chuckling slightly as she looked at the horse again andpatted his neck. "It's everywhere. Just close your eyes and try to feel it."

"But this isn't magic. It's just life."

"You should know by now. All life is magical, even if they cannot access their magic."

"But I don't get it, why do you say that and then say that it's impossible for someone without the Old Religion to use magic?" Cassie said, rolling her eyes and sighing in annoyance.

"Close your eyes." Gildas said as his boys ran out to them, winking at them and putting a finger to his lips. "Feel the horse's heartbeat." he said, taking her hand and putting it where his pulse was strongest "So, now try and compare the magic you feel there with what you feel under your feet in the grass."

"It's different, definitely."

"Now feel this magic." he said, taking Iain's hand and putting it on her arm.

"Is this Eoin?" Cassie asked with a bright smile, opening her eyes and pouting. "Sorry, Iain."

"It's okay." he said with a giggle. "Can I ride him?"

"Carefully and with you in the saddle." Gildas said, mussing up his hair. "You too, Eoin. And not tonight. I'll make you dinner, and then I'll leave."

"Don't worry, I can cook." Cassie said, winking conspiratorially at the twins. "Go on and say goodbye to the babies."

"Thank you for this, Cassie." he said, nodding at her as she grabbed the bags from the saddle and nodded at the young boys to follow them in. "What was your condition? Our…communication was cut short when you woke up."

"Oh, it's not important anymore." Cassie said, smiling at him as she put her bags down and turned to them. "So what do you guys want for dinner?"

"Cassie makes the best stew." Gildas said, smiling at her as he gave his baby girl the bottle. "We have some rabbit left over from lunch, and I can get a smokehouse up quickly."

"Where'd you get the milk?" Cassie said, smiling at Gildas briefly before going to sit by the boys and high-fiving them.

"We have goats around back. I got two a day or so after you left…" he said, trailing off as he saw the flash of guilt and pain in her eyes. "It's been real fun teaching the boys how to milk them."

"I've never taken care of an animal. Not even a horse, not really." Cassie said, her smile at the boys' enthusiasm fading as she realised what it entailed.

"We'll teach you!" Iain said happily, nodding excitedly as Cassie looked at them reluctantly.

"Can't wait." She said with fake excitement, her eyes betraying her.

"It's not as bad as you'd think." Gildas said with a chuckle, putting the milk down and gently rubbing his boy's back.

"You're right, it sounds worse." Cassie muttered quietly, looking at the boys. "Want to see me prepare dinner with magic?"

"Yes!" they said excitedly, pulling Cassie up to her feet as her eyes glew golden and the knife flew out of its place high in the cupboard and began chopping up the onions, tomatoes and carrots on the tabletop.

"Ah, ah. Stay away." Cassie said, turning her face to them as she saw Iain reach up towards the knife. "Come and help me fill this with some water. Do you have flour?"

"We're running low on grain, but there's plenty of potatoes." Gildas said, picking his daughter up and bouncing her gently on his leg.

"Do you have a field somewhere? It's the, er, bright side to magic, right?"

"Actually I buy it from outlying villages. Help them out however I can."

"I guess so." Cassie said, turning around and looking at Eoin. "Bring me four potatoes, please."

"Okay!" he said, running over with his brother fighting to open the door.

"How do you do it? They've so much energy and you have your duties."

"My duties are rather lax." he pointed out. "The Tower usually protects itself, only those it wants inside can get in. I only show up when it's under attack or someone's rifling through dangerous material."

"The necromancy?"

"Yes. Exactly. Don't say that word around my kids." he said, looking at her pointedly.

"Wouldn't dream of it." Cassie said softly, smiling as the boys ran in with two potatoes each. "Thanks."

"Anything else?" they asked, looking at her with wide eyes.

"Just simmer it for 45 minutes." Cassie said, taking the browned meat and dropping it into the water before putting it over the fire.

"So, what are we going to do tomorrow?" Iain asked, looking at her curiously as they bounced in their chairs.

"Well, you'll teach me to milk the goats. With your father's permission we can go on a ride. Do you have another horse?"

"Anhora's sending one of his charges. The rule still stands, you're behind them on the saddle, they've never ridden a horse." Gildas said, looking at them

"I get to meet a unicorn?!" Cassie asked excitedly, her smile wide as the baby girl started crying. "I got it."

"She's more excited than you. Maybe you should be the ones watching her." Gildas said jokingly as the stew bubbled over the fire.

"Ha ha." Cassie said, rolling her eyes as she held the baby close to her.

"You're good with her." Gildas noted, seeing the wistful look in her eyes as she held the soothed child.

"For a time I took care of a baby boy and his older brother. Alex and Taran."

"You seem fond of them."

"Owaine and I weren't even married yet when they became orphans. I took them to Owaine's family's land and there was a family wanting a child. They couldn't carry to term, miscarriages and a stillbirth."

"That's kind of you."

"Not really." Cassie said, smiling as the baby cooed and gave her a toothless smile. "I can't believe how big they've gotten." Cassie whispered with a tearful expression.

"Time flies." Gildas said, ruffling his boys' hair and standing up. "Watch them for a bit, I need to do something, I'll be back quickly."

"Okay." Cassie said, sitting down and looking at the boys. "So, tell me stories about when you were younger. I want to get to know you better." she said, watching as they walked up to her and began regalling her with stories of their uncles and grandfather.

"Dinner's ready." Cassie said with a fond chuckle, gently laying the baby in the crib and taking the pot off the fire. "Careful, it's hot."

"When's daddy coming back?"

"In a bit, I'm sure he needed to take care of something." Cassie said, taking three bowls and serving them all. "Go on, how do you like it?" Cassie asked, placing the plates on the table and looking at them with a wide smile.

"Daddy was right! This is delicious!" Iain said, nodding to Eoin who was shovelling spoonfuls into his mouth.

"Even better than the one you made before!" Eoin mumbled with the food in his mouth.

"Slow down, you'll get sick." Cassie said with a giggle, placing her hand on his shoulder gently and looking at him sternly.

"Sorry." he said with a full mouth, looking at the door as Gildas walked in with suspicious tear stains on his face.

"Here, I've barely tasted it, I can serve another one." Cassie said, standing up and letting him take her place between his boys.

"So, was I right or was I right?" he asked, winking at them as they began shovelling their mouths full of food once her back was turned.

"Oh, shush, and stop teaching them to eat like that! You're 300 years old! You should have better table manners!" Cassie chastised, blushing deeply.

"318, thank you." he said, correcting her and looking at his kids triumphantly.

"Oh, I'm sorry, those 18 years definitely made a difference in your table manners." Cassie said sardonically.

"I am very proud of my manners, thank you very much. Maybe I'm just too comfortable around you."

"I really hope you don't feel that way for too long." Cassie said, smugly when he rolled his eyes and wiped his face with a napkin.

"Happy?"

"Only slightly." Cassie said, staring him down as he turned to his boys and whispered to them.

"They'll behave in the presence of a Lady, don't worry." Gildas said, rolling his eyes and pushing his empty plate away. "Thank you for dinner, it was great. I'll see you when I get back."

"Bye daddy!" the boys said, hugging him tightly as he got up. "Come back."

"I will, boys. Be nice to her, she's a sensible Lady of the Court, no more getting her muddy." he said, raising a warning finger at them with a wicked gleam in his eye.

"Yes, daddy." they said, nodding their heads in understanding.

"I'll see you in a bit, Cassie. Thanks for watching them."

"It's far from the least I could do." Cassie said softly, looking down and taking a deep breath.

"Bye." he said one more time, disappearing with a gust of wind.

"I hope daddy teaches us that spell soon, it's awesome!" Eoin said, nodding his head excitedly.

"I'm sure he will. Come on, let's get you to sleep. We'll have some more stew in the morning." Cassie said, her eyes glowing as the pot was covered and the fire died down a bit.

"But Cassie!" they whined at the same time.

"No buts, go wash up before going to sleep." Cassie said, hauling the bucket to the corner behind the screen and sternly putting her hand on her hips as she stared them down.

"Fine!" they said, reluctantly washing themselves under her watchful gaze before she took the water back and let them change in privacy.

"To bed."

"Will you tell us a story?"

"Of course, get comfortable." she said, smiling sweetly and patting the bed on either side of her, hugging them both and beginning to tell the story of her voyage to Hispania alongside their brave, beautiful mother and loyal father.

"Hello, Leon." Cassie said softly, walking over to him and sitting on the balustrade as he looked at her. "Safe journey, my love?"

"It was. Yours?" he asked, moving to stand between her legs and placing his hands on her hips.

"Yes."

"Is he…" Leon asked, trailing off awkwardly.

"No, he left after dinner, I've only just got those boys asleep. Little balls of eight year old energy." Cassie said, chuckling fondly.

"You sound happy." he noted.

"It's a borrowed family, but it's what I've always wanted. There's only one thing missing."

"Owaine?" he offered, schooling his features to hide his hurt.

"You." Cassie said with a sad shake of her head. "I killed these kids' mothers with my obsession over seeing him again. I no longer want to; all it brings is pain. But I'm happy with you, I want you here with me." Cassie said, lifting her right hand to his neck and pressing her forehead to his.

"I have duties." he said, looking at the hand he held and gently running his thumb over her smooth skin guiltily.

"I know." Cassie said with a soft smile, knowing what he refused to say. "I love you."

"And I you." he whispered, letting her kiss him softly. "I'm sorry for not being able to-"

"Leon, I am just one person and someone you know. You're right to be wary of strangers until they earn your trust." Cassie said, shaking her head and pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead.

"It still shouldn't be so." he said, looking at her guiltily.

"Leon, listen to me. I understand everything completely. Your fear and mistrust. Even your distaste for sorcerers."

"Not for you." he said quickly, letting go of her hips and taking his hands up to her neck. "I could never say that about you."

"I know." Cassie said with a soft smile, kissing him lightly once again and looking into his eyes. "I'd be remiss if I didn't say some do scare me. The Druids outright terrify me. Whenever I see a triskelion, all I can see is the lifeless bodies of my infant nephews. I understand your fear, and I wouldn't do anything to change who you are. You must know that."

"I'm trying to." he said, pulling away from her and looking into her eyes. "I trust you completely, and I'm trying to trust your friends. Even if he's…"

"Believe me, my love. I get it." Cassie said, reaching out to pull him back to her. "And I love you."

"I love you, too." he said, letting her kiss him gently, but with palpable love. "We can always go back to my chambers…" he suggested.

"Ha, there's nothing I'd like more, but, alas, I have two boys sleeping on either side of me. I cannot. I've only come to bid you goodnight."

"Then goodnight, my heart." he said, pulling her close to him and kissing her lightly. "Have fun tomorrow."

"They're going to make me milk a goat." she said, her face showing just how reticent she was of that.

"Good luck." he said after a short laugh. "I mean it."

"Goodbye, my darling Sir Knight." Cassie said, kissing him softly before starting to fade away.

"Cassie! Wait!" Leon called out, watching her solidify right in front of him again. "That's weird."

"Sorry." Cassie said, blushing slightly.

"I just wanted to kiss you again." he said, smiling as she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him close. "They're the same but so different. I wish you were here so that I may hold you."

"We'll see each other soon, my love." Cassie whispered in his ear, kissing his neck lightly and whispering goodbye as she disappeared from sight.