« Love me how? »
God, he knew he should have answered this question, but he didn't, and now she was marrying another, and Harvey felt like he was dying.
He had no idea she was going to move on so quickly, and deep down, he knew he was the trigger. When he told her they had everything, she cynically told him he was the one who had everything, and when he asked her if she wanted it too, she simply said she didn't know, he should have pushed her. Maybe trying something, kissing her, holding her back by telling her how he loved her as he had never loved anyone before, telling her that the love he has for her is so strong that it went beyond feelings, sometimes hurting physically, while he had the feeling that she was the other part of his heart, that, without her, it could not beat properly, feeling like he was dying. This moment was eating away at him, and while he thought his fight with Donna was the worst thing that could happen, he never thought she would leave him to go work for Louis. He should have told her that before everything went to hell and he saw the love of his life leave his desk and then leave his life for someone else.
The first time he had heard about Mitchell was during a private conversation between the redhead and Louis.
« So? »
« So what? »
« I know that glow »
« I have no idea what you're talking about, Louis »
« Oh, come on, between us, who's the lucky guy? »
« Alright, his name is Mitchell »
Just hearing the name made Harvey rush outside to get some air, something he did every time she had a boyfriend who wasn't him. He hadn't heard the rest of the conversation, too busy feeling the collar of his shirt suffocate him and his breath becoming short. After that, he didn't hear anything more about the guy until that afternoon, when he overheard another conversation in the archive room between an accountant and an administrative assistant.
« I forgot to tell you »
« What? »
« I saw Donna with her boyfriend the other day »
« Her boyfriend? Isn't she with the Specter guy? »
« No, well, I don't think so. I mean, they were holding hands and laughing together. At some point, they kissed »
« Oh, yeah, so she's definitely not with her boss. What did he look like? »
« He was so handsome. Tall, blonde hair, blue eyes, wearing a suit and tie that looked expensive »
« She hit the jackpot, then »
« For sure. They were so cute together »
Again, he fled the room to run to vomit in the bathroom, and if for a moment, faced with the lack of new information regarding the redhead's relationship, he thought she was single again, he quickly realized that they were still together, and visibly... in love? God, just the idea of it drove him crazy, she couldn't love with anyone else but him because he himself could never love another woman like he loved Donna. That's how it was between them, they were each other's most important person, and no one would get in the way, ever, but apparently, this Mitchell had succeeded. If every time he thought about it, it broke his heart, there was always this little voice in his head that told him that it wouldn't last, that at some point, she was going to end up like that happened to all her boyfriends before, because she was going to choose him, especially since she had never mentioned her love story to the lawyer. If he was sure of himself, he lost the hope the day she did.
« I'm glad we did this, Harvey »
« Me too. We should do this more often »
« Well, I'm not sure how Mitchell would feel about that »
There it is, Mitchell, and if hearing the name before was hurting, now that it was Donna saying this to him, he felt like throwing up. Not wanting to act like a jealous asshole in their restaurant, he pretended to be interested in whatever she was going to say next.
« Who's Mitchell? »
« He is the man that I've been seeing for the last six weeks »
So barely a week after she asked him how he loved her. If the idea itself was destroying him, it was the way she described her boyfriend that hurt Harvey the most.
« He's smart, he's funny, and, best of all, he has nothing to do with the practice of law »
He wasn't you. That was the only thing Harvey understood with her words. He was smart enough to assume his feelings and dating her, probably funnier than him, making her laugh when he was the one making her cry, and he has nothing to do with law, which means that he was seeing her as a girlfriend, a person, and not just a secretary or someone he worked with as Harvey has pretended for years. For a second, he wanted to tell her to leave the guy once again by choosing him, but seeing her smile, he couldn't do it, so he just lied.
« I'm happy for you, Dona »
Then she talked to him about Esther, and he realized how fucked up he was, acting jealous, ready to ask her to choose him over and over while he was sleeping with other women, that wasn't fair. She knew she was right about telling Louis, but right now, he was so angry at the situation that he didn't listen to her, acting like an asshole as usual. In the weeks that followed, he managed to keep his head high, maintaining a more or less healthy relationship with Donna while he sank inside. If a part of him hated himself for not daring to speak when she asked him how to love me, he wanted to hit himself when he overheard a conversation at the end of the day.
« Hey, are you already downstairs? ... Yeah, yeah, I'm coming... What did you plan? ... Really? Oh my God, I love this restaurant... Del Posto? Yeah, I've been there a few times, they have delicious desserts... Oh, you mean sharing a sweetness? You and me with the same spoon, you're such a romantic... Yeah, I'll be there... I love you too »
I love you too. He never thought he would hear Donna say that to someone with such conviction, but as he watched her pass by in the hallway to get to the elevators without a glance at him, a huge smile on her lips, he downed a first glass of whiskey, then a second, before going home and drinking the whole bottle. After that night, things weren't the same. Harvey was running away from the redhead, drinking every night to fall asleep, snapping at work at everyone, lying to the therapist, days after days, sinking a little more until that Monday morning, when the final blow came. As he walked down the hallway, he saw Donna in the distance entering the kitchen, Rachel running from afar in her direction, passing through the door quickly while speaking loudly, catching the lawyer's attention.
« Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. I need to see it »
« Well, there is it »
« Donna... it's beautiful »
« Yeah »
« Congratulations »
« Thank you »
« So? How did he propose? Was it romantic? »
« Oh. So romantic »
Hearing the word propose, Harvey rushed to the bathroom, where he vomited for a long time before undoing his tie and opening his collar to let some air pass, taking the fire escape to the roof, his vision blurred by tears until he reached the rooftop out of breath, straining to take a few gulps of air. After god knows how long, he managed to calm down, the panic gradually disappearing to give way to anger. Suddenly, he punched a wall with his fist, but the pain wasn't as strong as the one his heart was facing, so he punched again and again and again with all his might until he couldn't feel anything anymore and saw his knuckles open, blood spreading over the skin while it had stained the sleeve of his shirt. Seeing that his skin was now blue and the blood continued to flow, he went down one floor below and grabbed a hand towel from the toilet before taking the elevator back out of the office and heading to the emergency room. While they were busy treating his hand, the doctor whispered.
« How did you do this to yourself, sir? »
« I just learned that the woman I've been in love with for twelve years is getting married to someone else because I couldn't tell her how much I loved her »
These were the only words he said during all his time spent in the emergency room, returning home immediately afterwards, denying all the calls he could receive, whatever the person. After that, Harvey ran away from Donna, Jessica, Rachel, Louis, and even Mike, not wanting to be confronted with the question of how he was doing. Bad, he was bad, and nothing and no one could change that, he could only blame himself, so he went to work, always playing a little more with the limits each time, without fearing that it could come back to haunt him, running away from his friends, not going out anymore, and coming home at night to drink until he fell asleep. On a daily basis, even if he denied her, he was actually seeing the redhead looking at him with worry because even if they didn't talk anymore, she could see how thin he was, that he was pale, his features drawn and stitches on his knuckles, and even if it killed her to see him like that, she was tired of constantly being the one who kept his head above water without ever getting anything in return. So she remained available to him if he needed her, but she had decided not to give up everything for him, not this time. Days passed, and the lawyer continued to sink little by little until the day Donna knocked on Harvey's door while whispering in a soft voice.
« Hey »
« Donna. What can I do for you? »
« Hum, here, this is for you »
As she put down a white envelope with his name written in gold on it, he understood what it was while Donna smiled at him, giving a mixed feeling of tenderness and sadness before continuing to speak.
« There will be very few people, but I will be happy if you come »
« When is it? »
« October twenty-third, in two weeks »
« I'm busy »
« Harvey » whispered to Donna.
« Sorry »
« Please, it's important to me for you to be here, do you understand? »
« And I'm telling you that I'm busy and that I won't come, do you understand? »
« Why are you reacting like that? »
« Why are you even inviting me? »
« Because we're... friends »
« Friends? We're friends, really? »
« Harv — »
« It's fine, I have things to do anyway. Have a good afternoon, Donna »
Seeing that it was no use, she nodded silently, her eyes moist, before leaving Harvey's office. For almost two hours, he continued to work, casting quick glances towards the envelope still lying on the desk before discreetly checking if anyone was prowling around his office and grabbing what he dreaded with a trembling hand. Barely opened, he read with a mixture of hatred and sadness the words on the paper.
Donna Paulsen & Mitchell Williams request the honor of your presence at their wedding
In a fit of rage, he trashed his entire office, breaking everything that could have been broken, before leaving it like that, a real mess, and then leaving the firm. But as he was leaving the building, walking on the sidewalk to go home, he heard a male voice behind him.
« Specter. Hey, man »
As soon as he turned around, he recognized Tanner from afar and hurried to pretend not to have seen him and continue on his way, but while the other lawyer continued to call him while running after him, until he felt a hand on his shoulder.
« Leave me the fuck alone, Tanner »
« Wow, what's going on, Specter? It's been a long time since you didn't get laid? »
« Tanner, I'm not in the mood, so give up »
« Let me guess, did you lose a client? Did you get destroyed in court? Mommy Jessica hit you on the knuckles? Oh no, I know, it's Red »
« Shut the fuck up »
« Oh, so I was right. What's going on? She refused your advances? She's not as sexy anymore? She found herself another man? Another sexier and emotionally stable man, maybe? »
As soon as Tanner finished his sentence, Harvey punch his fist into his face, and while the other man recoiled slightly with the impact, Harvey didn't give him a break and gave a second blow, making him fall. Once Tanner was on the ground, he hit again and again while the other man tried to struggle but without success, all the hatred of these last months pouring on the face of his sworn enemy without being able to stop, completely losing control without realizing what was happening until finding himself a few hours later in a cell. He had been arrested, and at the same time, seeing Tanner's disfigured face, they had done well to take him to the police station, otherwise, he would have killed him. After hours in that little gray cell, a cop came over to hand him a glass of water and talk.
« Here »
« Thanks — is he alright? »
« You disfigured him »
« Shit »
« He's not going to press charges »
« Really? »
« Look, I spent twenty minutes in the interrogation room with that guy, and he's a real asshole. That doesn't excuse your behavior, but I can see why you got into a fight »
« Yeah, still, I shouldn't have »
« What happened? He told me it was a minor thing, but I wouldn't believe a minor thing caused a black eye, a swollen nose, and a broken cheekbone »
« I'm in a bad place right now. I got some bad news today, and he played with it. I flipped out »
« Well, he's not pressing charges, that's something, but unfortunately, we'll still have to get out of here. Who do I call? »
If his first instinct would have been to say Donna, he quickly changed his mind before whispering Jessica's name. A few minutes later, the same cop came back with an apologetic smile.
« She said she'd come tomorrow morning. Maybe a night in the cell will make you think again »
« Great »
« Sorry »
« No, it's fine. I deserve it »
« I'm down the hall if you need anything »
« Thank you »
While Harvey spent the night in the cell, Donna quickly wiped away her tears before going home, where her fiancé was waiting for her.
« Hey »
« Hey »
« You're alright? »
« Yeah, yeah »
« Are you sure? Did you cry? »
« Yeah, but emotion, it was Rachel, she — anyway, how are you? »
After a brief kiss exchanged, the couple discussed while eating a fish dish that Mitchell had prepared before going to bed. If the man had managed to fall asleep directly, Donna had remained awake all night, staring at the ceiling and thinking about the words of the lawyer: I'm telling you that I'm busy and that I won't come. She knew that her marriage with Mitchell would cause friction in whatever was going on with Harvey, but she never would have thought to go from what he had to stranger, and yet, that's what they were now. The next day, as Donna had gone to the firm first thing in the morning, knowing that there was no point in staying at home, she stopped dead in front of her former boss's office, her mouth slightly open. Everything was trashed, to the point that even the paintings that had been on the walls until now were now on the floor. While she was paralyzed, she heard someone apologize behind her and moved when she saw a cleaning lady come by to tidy up the office before all the other employees arrived. Across Manhattan, Harvey was startled awake by the sound of something hitting the bars. Barely opening his eyes, he swallowed hard as he saw Jessica standing there in her designer dress and high heels.
« Are you thinking clearly enough to talk? »
Seeing him nod, she motioned for the cop to open the door for her before sitting down next to her protégé and whispering.
« This has to stop, Harvey »
« I can't »
« What are you going to do when she's married? When she'll bring her husband to the firm's party or galas? Or when she'll be pregnant and has a child with him? Are you going to kill yourself? »
« Jessica, I'm not — »
« Because you think your lifestyle won't bury you? All that alcohol you drink, the little hours of sleep, fighting whenever you get upset, your panic attacks — that's what's going to kill you, Harvey »
« I think I'll quit then. It'll be less painful than seeing her every day with that ridiculous little diamond on her finger »
« So what? Are you ready to ruin your career? Your life? »
« She was my career and my life, Jessica »
« And now she's going to marry someone else. I'm sorry, Harvey, but you've screwed up for so many years, you can't blame anyone but yourself, but don't drag her down with you »
« What are you talking about? »
« I've seen the guilt and sadness in her eyes for six months now, and as hurtful as it may be to hear, she loves this guy, she's going to marry him, and because of you, the day that's supposed to be the happiest of her life is going to become the worst because she can't help but think of you first »
« If she had thought of me first, she would have never agreed to marry this guy »
« She waited for you for over ten years, Harvey. I think that was more than enough »
« But now — »
« Now nothing. If she hadn't decided to marry Mitchell, things wouldn't have changed, you would have continued to make her hope without ever daring to take the plunge. So I know you love her like you've never loved anyone, that you're sad and angry, but if you're not going to do it for yourself, do it for her. She seems happy with this guy, and even if he's the one she's marrying, you're important to her, and seeing you like this is destroying her, so please try to do something about it »
« I'm not sure I can do it »
« So leave. If that's all you see as a solution, leave »
Faced with her protégé's silence, she squeezed his shoulder before whispering.
« I called a psychiatrist who put you on sick leave, at least until the wedding. Take advantage of it to get some fresh air and think »
« Thank you, Jessica »
« You're welcome. I paid your bail, you better pay me back »
Once out of the cell, he had gone home before swapping alcohol for pills to fall asleep, spending his days with his phone off, running around the city, escaping New York whenever he had the chance for fear of meeting Donna, or worse, Donna with Mitchell. Quickly, the day before the wedding arrived, and if Harvey thought for the first time to drink again to fall asleep, he was surprised to hear someone knock on his door and especially to see Mike with two pizza boxes in front of him.
« I know Jessica said we had to leave you alone for at least two weeks, but I thought tonight it was important that you weren't alone »
As soon as he got inside, Harvey took two beers out of the fridge before joining Mike, who was talking nonsense to distract him, but when half the pizza had been eaten, he sighed before muttering.
« You're not listening to me, right? »
« Sorry »
« It's fine »
« Jessica told me I shouldn't drag her with me. It's been two weeks since I've set foot in the firm, she suspects that's why. What does she think about all this? »
« Harvey, I don't think this is a good idea to talk about — »
« I just need to know if I'm going to ruin her wedding or not »
« You're not ruining it, but I think that if things between you two were to work out, or at least to calm down, she would live her marriage less with a lump in her stomach. She is happy to be married, she has always wanted that, but you remain someone important to her, you have been there for all the important events in each other's lives, and we are talking about marriage »
« Exactly. A marriage, Mike. I would never have believed »
« Really? »
« What? »
« I don't know Donna like you do, but I know that she is the type to want to get married, have children, the beautiful house with a garden, you know, the little life dreamed of »
« Yeah, but not with him » whispered Harvey.
« With you? »
Faced with the silence of his best friend, seeing him staring at his feet and playing with his fingers, he approaches to crouch down in front of him and whisper.
« Hey, brother, listen to me. I know how you feel about Donna, I do, but tomorrow she's getting married, and I know she'd be happy that you're here, but not if you look at her like you just want to die. So, are you going to come? »
« I am »
« Do you really think you're going to make it? »
« Yeah »
« Alright. You're going to be okay? »
« I will »
« I can leave you alone without you being drunk by the end of the night »
« I promise you »
« Alright »
After hugging, Mike dropped a kiss on his best friend's temple and left his condo. Harvey then got dressed to go for a run, replacing the alcohol with endorphins before getting out of exhaustion at two in the morning after nearly three hours of running. Quickly, the next day arrived, and if Harvey got up with difficulty, Donna stared at the ceiling. That was it, she was going to get married. She had always wanted to be a wife, to have her husband with whom she would spend great moments, dedicate herself, love him as much as possible, and be loved in return. Only, if for years it had been her, her boyfriend, and Harvey in the middle, she would never have thought one day to find herself in the same situation with her, her soon-to-be husband, and Harvey in the middle, because, even if she was going to marry someone else, she could not help but feel guilty about leaving Harvey. She had never spoken about her old boss to Mitchell, well, he knew who Harvey was, the lawyer she had worked for for twelve years, and not Harvey, her first great love with whom she had imagined marrying one day. But today, she would marry Mitchell, the man she had been dating for six months, with whom she was happy and with whom she knew she would have a beautiful life and a beautiful future, and as much as it impacted the lawyer, she had to prioritize herself first. While her makeup artist and hairdresser had been gone for almost half an hour, she was surprised to hear a knock at the door and even more so to see who was in front of her.
« Harvey »
« Hey »
As he stood before her in a Tom Ford suit — one of her favorites — with a huge bouquet of flowers in his hand, she saw him hand it to her while swallowing.
« It's for you »
« Thank you very much »
« Um, I know I haven't really given any news, but I hope the invitation is still valid »
« Of course »
« Do you mind if I come in? Just to talk »
« Of course »
As he entered the apartment determined to apologize, the moment he saw a man's jacket hanging in the hall, pictures of her and probably Mitchell on the shelves, car keys, and accounting files, it was as if he had just been stabbed in the heart.
« So? »
« Do you love each other like we do? »
« What? »
« Do you devote yourselves to each other like we used to? Do you spend evenings laughing over whiskey before going to confessions when you're a little drunk? »
« Harvey »
« Are you ready to die for each other like we were? Do you feel lost the moment you two spend more than twenty-four hours apart? Are you each other's family like we are? »
« Harvey, stop »
« Are you the most important person for each other? I have a hard time believing that, Donna. I can't believe that in six months, you could feel what we felt for each other for years — that six months of being with him could erase twelve years of us »
« You can't do this to me, Harvey »
« I'm so sorry I didn't answer you that night when you asked me how I loved you »
« Stop it »
« I should have told you the truth »
« Harvey, don't »
« If I had done it, it probably would have been me waiting for you at the altar »
« It's too late, Harvey »
« What? »
« I'm getting married to Mitchell, I love him, he's my everything now, and nothing you can say to me is going to change that. I've always put you before me — I'm so tired of it — and now, for once, I'm putting myself first because I deserve it »
« But — »
« There is no but. We're done, Harvey »
With that, she left the living room to go to the bedroom without a word, leaving a breathless Harvey in the room before leaving the apartment, his vision blurred and his throat tight, hailing a cab before leaving, running away from her, from her wedding, from his pain, from the desire to die, from everything. Meanwhile, Donna was huffing to keep the tears from escaping and ruining her marriage makeup, Harvey's words running in her mind: it probably would have been me waiting for you at the altar. The man who couldn't tell her how he loved her was now implying that he wanted to marry her when she was about to marry another man, and god, she hated him for that. If thousands of thoughts were running through her head, she was interrupted by her mother, who smiled at her, her spare keys still in hand.
« Oh, sweetie, don't cry. I know that marriage is an emotional day, but you haven't even seen your future husband yet »
« Yeah, sorry »
It was ten when her mother arrived, and at exactly one, tears of joy mixed with those of sadness were running down her cheeks when she saw that he hadn't come, mixing with the kiss she exchanged with her now-husband while the happiest day of her life had a bitter taste. At the same time, Harvey was sitting in front of his father's grave, tears streaming down his cheeks as he had been silent for so long. He hadn't thought twice and had jumped into a cab before asking the man to take him to Boston — paying him double — to find himself sitting in front of the dark granite stone a few hours later, as he read the same words for the thirtieth time: Gordon Specter, loving father. A moment later, as the sun was setting, for the first time, he whispered.
« You were right, dad »
He felt as it had been so long since he had spoken, and as he had been silent and crying for hours, those words had been so painful to get out.
« Remember when you told me that if she was the one, I'd know it? Well, you were right »
As he said those words, he wiped away his tears before whispering.
« You'd be so ashamed of me, dad. I should have just been honest with her and told her I loved her. But no, I was so afraid I'd screwed it up that she left and I actually lost her. She's marrying someone today, well, she's probably already married to him by now, and — and I feel like dying, dad. She was my only family, the only one left. Mom left me, then you left me, and now she left me too. I'm all alone, and I'm so sad »
He cried for hours, until the cemetery guard told him he had to leave, and he wandered the streets of Boston all night without really knowing where to go. Donna was important to him, she was the most important person in his life actually, but he never imagined being so unhappy and sad to lose her. A few miles from him, as he was heartbroken, the redhead sitting on the plane felt the same way. While she was in her husband's arms basking in the sun a few days later, she felt him place his lips on her forehead before whispering.
« We're good here, right? »
« So good » replied Donna.
« You were right, by the way, a small intimate ceremony was perfect »
« Yeah, perfect »
« I love you, Donna »
« I love you too »
For over ten days, the newlyweds spent their days basking in the sun, cooking together, talking, learning to discover each other as a married couple, making excursions, until she returned to the firm and stopped dead in front of her old desk. No more basketball balls on the windowsill, no more painting with a crocodile on the wall, no more vinyl on the shelf against the wall, and above all, no more Harvey Specter on the door. As she was as if paralyzed by what she had just understood, she heard Louis talking to her.
« Isn't she the new wife? »
« Where is he? »
As she turned around abruptly, surprising Louis in passing, the lawyer could see the fear and sadness in her eyes.
« He resigned, Donna »
« And why didn't anyone tell me? »
« You were on your honeymoon, I didn't think — »
« When? »
« I don't know, a little over a week ago »
« After my wedding? »
« More or less, yeah »
Faced with Donna's silence, Louis murmured.
« Don't blame yourself, Donna. He's a big boy, he makes his own decisions »
« It's because of me »
« It's because of him. Now, enjoy your life, think of yourself first, and be happy »
Despite Louis' advice, she was having a hard time enjoying her life as she had no idea where Harvey was or how he was feeling. Days turned into weeks, then months, as the redhead continued her life with her husband, who didn't seem to see the deep unease inside her despite the many signals. One morning, as they both lay in their bed, Donna in Mitchell's arms, she heard the accountant talking to her.
« Donna? »
« Yeah? »
« Do you think we should see a specialist? »
« For what? »
« We've been trying to have a baby for five months now, and still nothing is happening. Maybe we should see a specialist just to make sure everything is working as it should »
« If you want, yes »
That same day, he had made an appointment with a specialist, and after both of them received confirmation that everything was fine, they resumed their almost perfect lives until the day everything exploded. As Donna was seating against the headboard reading a book, she looked up when she saw Mitchell standing across from her, and if she was smiling, she instantly lost it when she saw what her husband was holding in his hand.
« It is what I think it is? »
« Mitchell, I — »
« We went to see specialists because I thought we couldn't have a baby while you were on the pill all this time »
« I'm sorry »
« Why did you do that? I'm your husband, we're supposed to talk about this kind of thing »
« I'm not ready »
« What? But we talked about it and you said you were ready »
« I know »
« So what? »
« Things changed »
« What changed? Apart from the fact that we are married now? »
« It's just — I don't know, Mitchell »
« What happened six months ago? »
« What? »
« We were happy together, and even if sometimes you were a little distant, for god knows what reason, we were happy. But since our marriage, I feel that you are even further away, as if adrift, and I feel like I have no way of catching you again. So what happened six months ago? »
« Nothing, Mitchell. I swear »
« Then what's going on? »
« Look, I'm happy to be married, but it's still new to me. For the baby, I just wait to wait for a little bit more. Alright? »
« How long? »
« I don't know »
« You don't know? »
« I don't, no »
« Alright »
Seeing him walk around the bed to grab his pillow and head towards the hall, the redhead straightened up before speaking quickly.
« What are you doing? »
« I'm going to sleep in the living room. You know, I wouldn't want to get you pregnant »
« Mitchell, it's not — »
« Goodnight, Donna »
That night, she didn't sleep much, staring at the ceiling for hours, sleeping very little, before waking up to an empty apartment, realizing that her husband had already left for work early in the morning without their usual goodbye kiss. She took advantage of being alone to cry in the shower before putting on her makeup, getting dressed, and leaving the apartment to head to the firm. She didn't tell anyone about her fight with Mitchell, not even Rachel or even Louis when he asked how she was, while she continued to work as if nothing had happened. At lunchtime, when her eyes were burning from staring at her screen for hours, she saw Mike leaning over her cubicle and whispering.
« What about lunch with your little brother? »
About ten minutes later, Donna and Mike found themselves face-to-face in a Taco bar while they chatted about everything and nothing, making the redhead smile for at least an hour. But as the young lawyer looked at his phone with a smile for the fifth time since the beginning of the meal, Donna chuckled.
« Is that Rachel? »
« Oh, no, no. She has a business meeting right now »
« Harvey, then? »
« What? »
« The messages? It's Harvey »
« Donna »
« How is he? »
« I don't think that's a good idea to talk about him »
« Please, I just want to know how he's doing »
« He's alive »
« That's already something » smiled Donna.
« Well, he's fine, I mean, he's better »
« Is he still in New York? »
« Yeah. He's working on his own now »
« Really? »
« Yeah »
« But he's alright? »
« Donna.. Just — don't worry too much »
Mike's answer hadn't really convinced her, but he was fine, that was already something compared to the last times she had seen him: trashed office, desperate declaration, fight in the street, and night in the cell. He was better, and it was good. On her side, it wasn't getting any better. Since Mitchell had found her pill packet half empty, things had been tense at home, and the couple argued about everything and nothing: shoes dragging on the floor, a cold meal, being late without warning, a TV program, vacations, going out — everything was a subject of argument at the moment for the couple. If Donna was tired of the tense atmosphere at home, she had no idea how her evening was going to turn out. When she came home from the firm a little later after an emergency situation with Louis, Mitchell was waiting for her on the couch and was quick to ask the question as soon as she got home.
« Where were you? »
« What? At work »
« That late? »
« Yeah. Louis needed me for something »
« Always work, right? »
« Mitchell, you knew very well that the firm occupied an important place in my life »
« You need to choose and sacrifice from time to time »
« You can't ask me to choose »
« Of course, Harvey never asked you, right? »
« Excuse me? »
Facing Donna's shocking face and her low whisper, the man in front of her handed her a piece of paper that she caught with a trembling hand. She had forgotten about this photo, and she barely remembered it, but as she looked at it, her heart sank. They were twenty-nine and thirty at the time, and while they were celebrating yet another victory for the lawyer, both of them were completely wasted and had found an old-fashioned photo booth on the streets of New York on their way home. Without even thinking, they had entered the cabin together, Donna on Harvey's lap while they had their picture taken in each shot: the first where they were smiling, the second where they were looking at each other with sparkling eyes because of the admiration they had for each other but also the alcohol, and the third, it was a shy kiss, while in the fourth and last photo, the kiss was much more passionate where their features were relaxing, seeing them lost in the moment, their mouths open and their tongues caressing each other.
« You two were together? »
« No, we were not, just friends. We were both drunk that night »
« More than friends, then? »
« No »
« Tell me the truth »
« We had sex once, and it was ten years ago »
« What do I feel like you're lying to me right now? »
« It's true »
« You were close, right? »
« I told you, we were just friends »
« Just friends? »
To support his question, he laid out photos of her and Harvey from across the years on the table in turn: at the firm, at family gatherings, selfies, photos she had taken of him when she was drunk and thought he was handsome, galas, meals with colleagues, and a whole series of photos as intimate as the others. She had forgotten all those pictures and wondered where he had found all those old shots.
« Did you search my apartment? »
« Our apartment, Donna. Our. And no, I didn't search, I was looking for a phone charger, and I found this box hidden underneath. I admit that my curiosity was too great, but that's not the point, you call that being friends? »
As she didn't know what to say, Mitchell continued to talk.
« Why wasn't he at our wedding? »
Donna continued to stay silent, looking at her feet while Mitchell chuckled nervously.
« He's the reason you've been distant in this relationship, right? »
« I'm sorry »
« Are you in love with him? Because I guess he is since he couldn't stand the thought of you marrying someone else »
« I don't know what to tell you, Mitchell »
« I just need to know. Are you in love with him? »
As she stared at him in silence, wide eyes filled with tears streaming uncontrollably down her cheeks, Mitchell sighed before whispering.
« Alright »
Without another word, Mitchell gathered a few of his things before leaving the apartment, leaving the redhead alone, crying uncontrollably at everything that had just happened.
Seven months. Her marriage had lasted seven months, and as she knocked on Mike's door, her eyes filled with tears, her lips quivering, and a file against her, the young lawyer sighed. He didn't wait, and as the redhead entered his office, he quickly took her in his arms, letting her cry against him while he caressed her back.
« It's alright, sister »
Once the crying was over, the two of them found themselves sitting across from each other, Harvey sighing as he flipped through the file.
« When did he give you the papers? »
« Last night »
« And you agree to the terms? »
« I am »
« So you're okay with this divorce? »
Facing the silent redhead, he sighed.
« What happened, Donna? »
« What do you think? »
« Harvey? »
« I lied to him from the beginning. I lied about my relationship with Harvey, about what united us, I got married because I wanted to live everything I had dreamed of, I was happy — for real — then, he started talking to me about having children, and I don't know, I always wanted children, so I agreed but that was a lie. Marriage was something official, but children — »
« It was bigger? »
« I didn't want to break his heart, I didn't want to tell him and have him start asking me questions, so I kept taking the pill until I was ready, but I couldn't do it, I couldn't stop, I was never ready. Then he found out, and from there, we were just fighting about everything and nothing, it was driving me crazy. And one day, he came across a series of photos of Harvey and me through the years, and he understood »
While she was crying again and again, Mike got up to go around his desk and hold her tight before whispering.
« Hey. Why are you crying? Because you love Mitchell and this divorce hurts you, or because you're relieved and feel guilty? »
« I'm crying because, at almost forty, when I finally felt like I was moving forward in my life, I'm caught up by my demons, and it destroys me to see that I'm marking time »
« Donna, it's alright »
« I failed my marriage, Mike. In less than seven months, I went through the city hall to become a wife, and I'm going to go back to act on my divorce and become a divorced woman. It's so humiliating »
« It's nothing humiliating, Donna »
« It is, Mike. Why am I so weak and stupid? »
« Hey, you're not. Don't ever say that again »
« I am. I just want to move on and be happy, but I can't »
« I'm sorry, Donna »
The two friends stayed like that, Donna crying in Mike's arms while the lawyer rubbed her back, hoping to calm her down. He could see that she was tired and helpless, and he understood why. Even if he would never tell her out loud, she was the only one at fault in this story because if Mitchell was a good guy, Mike understood that he didn't want to live in another man's shadow, and the fact that Donna — who had always dreamed of having her own little family — refused to have a child with her own husband as it reflected a much deeper problem than a simple crush on Harvey. That night, Mike walked Donna home to an empty apartment since Mitchell had deserted since he found out about Harvey and hugged Donna one last time before going home. The next time they saw each other, it was at Pearson Hardman, in the meeting room, each with their lawyer, listing the terms of the divorce while both were silent and approving everything. This divorce was quite simple in reality, seven months out of a lifetime was nothing, they didn't share anything, they both kept their apartment, as if they knew they would need it at some point, they didn't have a joint account, they didn't share a child together, or even property, a simple signature was enough to act that their brief story together was over. They hadn't even tried to discuss it — to give each other another chance, doing couples therapy to save their marriage, or anything else — because they knew the problem was much deeper: you never forget your first love. Once the paperwork was signed, Mitchell left the room, and Mike took Donna to eat with Rachel, hoping to distract her, as the young lawyer made a joke to finally get a smile from the redhead.
« Hey, it's just a divorce. Liza Minelli has done it four times, and she's still awesome »
For his part, Harvey's last seven months had been less trying — well, at least than Donna's. He had a hard time accepting the redhead's marriage, he didn't accept it at all, so when the date of her return approached, he made a big decision: to leave the firm. Jessica had understood and hadn't even thought to dissuade him. After losing the love of her life to another man because of his stupidity alone, the idea of seeing her every day at the end of the corridor with the ring on her finger was not conceivable. So he had retired from the firm and even from law for a while, until the day Mike showed up at his house to ask him to help one of his clients, and he found a rhythm that suited him: he worked from home, saw his clients in bars, restaurants, or cafes, only went out to go running or plead in court, and the rest of the time, he stayed at home watching sports on TV or making escapades to Boston just to walk around the city for hours. This new way of life was the opposite of his previous life, but for the moment, even if he dreamed of something else with someone specific, it suited him. It had been seven months, seven months since he had left her apartment with a broken heart when she had told him they were done, seven months that he had been trying to rebuild himself, to imagine with difficulty a life without her in it, almost a year since they had had a normal conversation, and yet, time did not erase anything. He had no idea where she was in her life, a lot of things could happen in seven months, maybe she had stopped working to devote herself to her marriage, she was maybe already pregnant, giving birth soon, living her life with her husband, God… so much could have already happened, and he thanked Jessica, Mike, Louis, and Rachel for keeping him in the dark, pretending that he lived in a world where the redhead did not exist, it was less painful. And if he preferred to stay home, today he had no choice but to go to Mike's to discuss a client who had hired him.
« Hey brother »
« Hey, how are you doing? »
« I'm alright »
« I'm glad, then. Please come on in »
As soon as they were inside, they both sat down at the table, where they discussed for almost an hour a strategy to put in place to defend the businessman, but as Mike got up to make a coffee, a detail caught Harvey's attention. In the younger lawyer's briefcase was a file labeled on the side with the name D. Paulsen. Without even thinking, he got up to grab it while Mike rushed towards him to retrieve it.
« Wow, what are you doing? »
« Why is there her name on this file? »
« It's not who you think »
« D. Paulsen is not Donna? Mike, don't take me for a fool. Is it her father again? »
« No, it's not »
« So it's her »
« Harvey — »
« She's in trouble? »
« It's confidential, I can't — »
« She's being sued for something? »
« Please, brother, this is not — »
« Someone messed with her? Is she okay? »
« She's fine, but Harvey, can you — »
« Tell me, then? Why the fuck do you have her name on this file? I know things aren't good between us, but we're talking about Donna here, you can't tell me if she's — »
« These are her divorce papers, Harvey »
For a few seconds, the room was silent. Out of all the reasons Mike could give him, he had never considered for a second that Donna could have been divorced, at least not now. As he watched his best friend with wide eyes and a slightly open mouth, shocked by what he had just heard, he saw him sighed and sit back down at the table, hearing the words come out of his mouth before he could even think about it.
« What happened? »
« Harvey, that's not — »
« Wasn't he okay with her? Was he violent? »
« I have no right to tell you that kind of information, and you know it, it's a confidential file »
« He was violent, right? »
« Harv »
« Fuck, I'm going to — »
« It's her fault »
« What? »
For a few seconds, Harvey could see Mike staring at the table in front of him, hesitant to tell him before he sighed, rubbing his face and finally giving him a half-accusing, half-sad look as Harvey realized why, his heart racing in the process.
« It was her fault and hers alone »
« Why? »
« You know why »
« I didn't do anything, Mike, I swear »
« I know »
« So what do I have to do with their divorce? »
« He wanted a baby, she said she did too, except she kept taking the pill in secret until he found out — god, I shouldn't tell you this »
« Why did she do that? »
« A marriage is a lot, Harvey, but a baby is even more so. She wasn't ready »
« Not ready? We're talking about Donna, of course she was ready »
« Not with him »
Faced with Mike's whispers, Harvey's breath caught as he understood the implication. Even if they had never admitted it, they had never imagined their life without each other, and if Harvey had been asked to imagine his children, the first image he would have had would be strawberry blonde kids, as Donna had probably imagined children with his smile. They were so fucked up, and as Mike sighed again, Harvey whispered.
« They divorced for that? I would never have believed »
« That and other things too, yeah »
« What? »
« Harvey »
« You have to tell me »
« He found pictures of you, well, both of you, hidden in a box stored in a piece of furniture, and apparently among the series of shots, there was one in a photo booth where you were kissing a little drunk. That's when he understood that you were more than colleagues, and since Donna didn't want to answer his questions about you where to him, he left »
« He just left? »
« I wouldn't have wanted to live my entire marriage in the shadow of another man too. That kind of thing, no matter how many couples therapy you go, it could never erase twelve years »
« She hates me, right? »
« Just as much as she hates herself »
« How is she now? »
« What do you think? She feels guilty for having ruined a marriage in less than seven months for something that could have been avoided from the beginning. She feels like she's marking time, not moving forward because her old demons are still catching up with her »
« You mean me? »
Faced with Mike's silence, it was Harvey who sighed this time, murmuring.
« Alright »
« Harvey — »
« Where is she now? »
« What? »
« Does she still have her apartment? »
« Harvey, that's a really bad idea »
« Hey, you said it yourself, you can't erase twelve years. So yeah, no matter what happens between us, we've always had each other's backs, and it's not going to change now »
« I don't know if you're the right person right now. Harvey »
« I've always been the right person, like she's always been for me. So, please, tell me... where is she? »
In the meantime, it had been three days since Donna had gotten her apartment back, thankful for Louis's genius idea of renting it out as an AirBnb instead of a lease, allowing her to get it back overnight, leaving the one she had started renting with Mitchell while waiting to buy the house planned for their potential family. Because of the deep cleaning she had requested, all the smells that made her feel at home had disappeared, and aside from the lack of personal decoration, it was her apartment, reminding her of certain romantic dinners with her ex-husband, the evenings on the couch watching a movie or when they cooked together, but most of all, it reminded her of the first and only night Harvey had spent with her, her mother's birthday where Harvey had spat a piece of shrimp in her hair, all the evenings where they discussed difficult subjects around a whiskey, sharing the same glass, all the laughs, as Donna realized that this apartment was not only signed with bad memories. In three days, her apartment looked like the one she had left, minus the pictures of her and Mitchell, his jacket in the hall, or his car keys in the jar on the hall cabinet. A bit later, as she had just gotten out of the shower and had put on a top and shorts as pajamas, she was surprised to hear a knock at her door. Reluctantly, she left her couch and Shakespeare book to open it and stopped dead in her tracks when she saw who was in front of her.
« Hey »
He was different. He looked healthier than the last few days she had seen him, more muscular too, but he still had the same sadness in his eyes as when she had told him they were done. The fact that he was here barely a week after she had signed the divorce papers was no coincidence, he had been informed, and if he was present in front of her with his eyes filled with pain and sadness, she knew that it was not to take advantage of her new single status. As he sighed, she burst into tears as he approached her in two long strides, slipping his hands under her arms to lift her up, the redhead immediately wrapping her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck before sobbing into the hollow of his neck. Harvey didn't know what to say, so he hugged her tightly against him, placing a kiss on her bare shoulder as he caressed her back, closing the door behind him to head into the living room, where he settled down on the couch, Donna still clinging to him, and simply letting her cry in his arms until she fell asleep from exhaustion. He didn't have the heart to wake her, so he slowly got up with her against him, happy with all the sport he did these last seven months were useful to support a dead weight on several feet, entering the redhead's room to put her in her bed and cover her with the sheet, his heart beating a thousand miles an hour as he remembered that night ten years ago where they had spent hours making love and laughing non-stop, still carefree and without suspecting for a second the turn their lives would take a decade later. Not having the heart to leave her alone but not wanting to disrespect her, he left the room, closed the door before entering the living room, poured himself a glass of water while taking off his shoes and sweater, settling down on her couch, and closed his eyes, falling asleep thanks to the comforting scent of the redhead floating in the apartment. He hadn't slept so well in months — since he had been unable to tell her how he loved her actually — and while he had never been peaceful, he felt fingers slide over his forehead, probably to put back the lock of hair that fell on his forehead now that his hair was a little longer. As his eyes fluttered, he saw Donna crouched next to him as she looked at him with a soft smile before whispering.
« Hey »
« You're okay? »
« I should be asking you that, you spent the night on my couch, and I know it's not comfortable »
« It's alright »
« Thanks for coming last night »
« I couldn't not come »
« Mike told you? »
« No. I was at his place to talk about a case, and I saw your name on a file in his briefcase, so I took it because I was afraid you were in trouble or it was your father again with his stupid partnership ideas »
« Harvey »
« I was worried, that's it »
« I know »
« I'm sorry, Donna »
« It's not your fault »
« A little bit though »
« Alright, let's say a tiny bit »
While both of them were chuckling softly, the moment seemed so intimate. Donna was next to Harvey as he woke up, gently caressing his forehead as they spoke quietly. Harvey sighed before sitting up, and Donna settled next to him to whisper.
« Don't you miss your old life too much? The firm, the clients — »
« You? »
« Yeah, also »
« You're what I miss the most »
« What an idiot »
« Hey, don't say that »
« It's true, Harvey. I wasted a year of your life, Mitchell's, mine — just out of pure selfishness »
« You had every right. You always put everyone before yourself, for once, you had to think of you first »
« And look at what it gave around me »
« Well, Mitchell should have seen that something was wrong, and I could only blame myself, I'm the one who got myself into this mess »
« Yeah, still »
« When did things start to go wrong between you two? »
« When I implied that I didn't want a baby with him, but I guess Mike told you that too »
« Yeah, but hey, don't blame him, I forced him to talk, he didn't have much choice »
« I guess »
« I'm sorry for everything that's happening, Donna. I swear if I could take all your pain, I would »
« I know, Harvey. But everything that's happening to me today, I deserve it »
« Hey — »
« It's fine »
« I know Mike is your lawyer in the divorce, but if you need me, you tell me. I'm self-employed now, and I'm available day and night for you »
« It's alright, it was pretty easy, really, we didn't have much to talk about. Anyway, Mike told me about this new job, tell me more about it »
For almost an hour, they talked about everything and nothing until Louis called the redhead to ask why she wasn't at her office. It was then reluctantly that they separated, Harvey went home and Donna went to the firm, both of them to resume their work days, their hearts less heavy now that he knew that everything was going a little better between them, even if the main thing hadn't been discussed yet. The day passed and, apart from messages from Harvey telling her that he was there for her if she needed anything, they didn't really communicate. After their sort of reconciliation, they saw each other from time to time, chatting and laughing without things really evolving, but as Donna was desperate and Harvey didn't know how to go about it, it was fate that decided to give a helping hand. For their lunch breaks, they had arranged to meet at a bagel café, and while Harvey had to excuse himself to answer a customer, Donna had remained seated at the table, scrolling on her phone, waiting for him to be back. Despite having left the establishment, he had seen how the man who had just entered had looked at the redhead immediately, and even if he tried to stay focused on his conversation, when he saw the guy approaching Donna, a charming smile on his lips, his blood was boiling.
« Mr. Heylen, I'm going to have to leave you, but I'll call you later »
As soon as he hung up, he entered the café again and walked towards the table occupied by the redhead with a quick step, breathing deeply to stay calm because, if at first, he would have punched him in the face without even saying a word, he didn't want to give Donna the impression that he hadn't changed. So he walked behind the man before taking a seat on the bench opposite and looking at him, making him understand that he would be better off going somewhere else. While the man understood and nodded quickly before leaving his spot, the lawyer interrupted the redhead before even giving her time to speak.
« Harv — »
« Can you give me a little more time? »
« What? »
« Not much, I promise, but please, I just need you to give me a little bit of time »
« I don't understand »
« I started seeing someone — a therapist — because I'm tired of being angry all the time and not living my life because of my demons from the past. I want to get better, for you and for me. But it takes time, and I know you've waited for me for a very long time, and if you still love me, then please, I'm just asking you for a little bit more patience »
« Alright »
« Alright? »
« Yeah, alright »
« Thank you »
Two years later
It had been a long time since Harvey and Donna had had their hearts broken like that, and yet, it was as if someone was tearing it out with their bare hands.
« I can't »
« Donna »
« No, Harvey. I swear I can't »
« Well, we don't really have a choice »
« We always have a choice »
« Donna, please »
As the two of them looked at each other intensely, the redhead sighed before both of them were interrupted by a female voice behind them.
« Mrs. Specter, everything is going to be okay »
Seeing that his wife wouldn't make it, it was Harvey who took charge of taking the baby from her arms to give a kiss on her small forehead, leaning her slightly towards Donna so that she would place a kiss in turn on her little head full of red hair, and finally handing it to the woman. Aida was barely six months old, and if both parents felt she was too young for daycare, they had to face the fact that, despite having worked until the day before her due date, Donna had to return to the firm full time where Louis was expecting her, as Harvey was exhausted from organizing his schedule around his wife's. The little girl needed to socialize with other children and for the mother and father to become persons again and not just parents. As the little girl walked away with the worker, looking over the lady's shoulder at her parents with her big brown eyes, Harvey pulled his wife against him, wrapping his arms around her shoulders, placing a kiss on her temple.
« Hey, are you okay? »
« No. You? »
« No, either »
« I'm sorry, honey. I'm so freaked out about her being separated from me that I didn't even think about how you felt »
« Well, I'm busy regretting going back to the firm, I should have stayed on my own, at home, with her »
« You said it yourself, Harv. She needs to be socialized and stimulated »
« Oh please? I said that so you could stop crying »
« I know » chuckled Donna.
« She is super sociable, she's always at the firm and even participates in meeting business with my clients, and as for stimulation, we have conscious parents, and this child is more advanced than any child she will meet at daycare today »
« Yeah »
« Come on, we have to go to work »
After a last kiss exchanged, Harvey intertwined his fingers with Donna's before tugging a little on her arm to encourage her to leave the daycare and find themselves on the sidewalk, walking a few minutes to the firm, exchanging a last kiss to then find you in their spots: Harvey in his office, Cameron sitting in front, and Donna sitting opposite, in front of Louis' office. In two years, things had changed enormously for the couple as Donna had kept her promise to Harvey and had given him time until the day he knocked on her door with a stressed look.
« Are you okay? »
« Do you think you could accompany me to one of my therapy sessions? »
« Are you sure? »
« Yes. Please »
She had followed him, and for almost an hour, she listened to the therapist and Harvey, and, with tears in her eyes, she saw how much he wanted to get better and be the best version of himself for her. This pre-couple therapy session — as they liked to call it — had been beneficial because, the very next day, Harvey had shown up at her door in a suit and a huge bouquet of flowers to invite her on a date. The evening had been adorable, and even if it had only ended with a kiss on the cheek, it was the best date of her life because she felt like she was sixteen again with her first crush, as the mood was so sweet and adorable, in addition to the fact that Harvey looked so happy and serene, giving the feeling of being twenty-eight again. After that evening, the lawyer came to her place every night, and the two adults alternated between restaurants and cooking at their places, making the relationship even healthier: bonding before dating. Aside from the fact that she loved another man, Donna thought that was also what influenced her divorce: they rushed it. In less than a year and a half, they had met, dated, gotten engaged, and married before ever living together, then getting divorced after that failed months of marriage. This time, she wanted to take her time with Harvey, after all, she had waited twelve years, she could wait a few more months. Anyway, they continued to date innocently until the day he offered her a magnificent Cartier ring, muttering embarrassedly.
« It's from the LOVE collection, because, you know — »
To thank him, she had placed her hand on his jaw and kissed him tenderly. It wasn't the most passionate kiss she had shared with a man, but it was the sweetest and most sincere she had ever had. From that day on, they kissed whenever they had the chance, even though they hadn't yet labeled their relationship. The day they were sitting in each other's arms on Harvey's couch, she heard him whisper.
« If people ask me, can I say you're my girlfriend? »
He was adorable, and to that, she didn't know what to say other than a big smile and a kiss on the lips. Days passed, then weeks, and finally months, and while they had been officially together for half a year, they wanted to take it easy, little by little, but they were Harvey and Donna after all, they didn't do things like the others. She was sick, sick like never before, every morning for almost a week, and even if she didn't want to see what was in front of her face, she wasn't stupid — but pregnant. She had hesitated to tell the future father for days because, while she was ready to be a mother now, especially knowing that it was Harvey's like she always wanted, she wasn't convinced that the lawyer was. She could see that he liked the fact that they were taking it step by step, taking it easy, and perfecting each little stage of their lives as he helped him deal with everything, but that.. this was going to be a lot. She understood that he was working with his therapist on the next phase: moving in together, then the engagement, then there would be the wedding, then the kids, but now, she had just put the child step before everything else. If she had no idea how to tell him, it happened randomly. As he was in the redhead's apartment, Donna was sitting on the couch, Harvey lying down, his head on her laps, as she slid her hand through his hair as he was laughing at some explanations, she was listening to him talking.
« And Marcus fell, but not a small fall — no, head first into the mud puddle. God, he couldn't stop crying, and of course, I got yelled at for laughing »
As he turned his head to look at Donna, his lips inches from her belly, without realizing anything, Donna whispered.
« I'm pregnant »
Watching him jerk away with wide eyes, like he'd burned himself, Donna swallowed hard while looking at him, fear in the eyes. That night, they talked a lot, and even if he was scared, he was happy about the baby news. Donna's pregnancy then progressed smoothly, and even if she saw him learning everything he could, being omnipresent for his girlfriend and completely obsessed with the baby inside her belly, she also noticed how little he slept, the insomnia multiplying since the announcement.
« Honey? »
« Yeah? »
« Are you talking to the therapist about the baby? »
« Not a lot, I avoid it. But you think I should, right? »
« You should, yeah »
« Alright. I will »
There were only three months left before the baby arrived, and the lawyer had gone through a two-week session instead of one, his anxieties more and more under control until the day Donna called him in the middle of a client meeting to tell him that his daughter had decided to arrive two weeks early. If for almost eight months she had panicked that Harvey would not feel comfortable in his new role as a father imposed in spite of himself, as she was on the phone with her mother, she could not help but smile.
« Yeah, mom. No, she's more than perfect. And Harvey? Well, he's not really paying attention to what's around him anymore, but he's fine. More than fine »
If Donna was sitting in her bed, she looked at Harvey sitting in the armchair next to her, dressed only in gray sweatpants and bare-chested, the little girl barely ten hours old dressed in a little white bodysuit covered in little red hearts, asleep against him. As his hands covered the entirety of her little body, she melted seeing him place soft kisses on her little face while sliding his thumb on her clothed back. He was crazy about his daughter, and if today she was six months old and was starting to be more and more independent, she was still the two parents's princess, all three being extremely close, adoring each other as they never expected. If they thought their life couldn't be any perfect, when Aida was four months old and was sleeping between her two parents who were watching her, Donna choked when she heard Harvey talking softly.
« I want you to be my wife »
« What? »
« I love you, and I want you to be more than my girlfriend and my baby mama. I've wanted to ask you for a long time, but I was afraid that it would put you off because of Mitchell, or you'd think that I wanted it because of Aida, but I'm serious, I want you to be my wife »
For a few seconds, the room fell into silence until the redhead whispered.
« Alright »
« Alright? » whispered Harvey with eyes full of hope.
« Yeah »
In a hurry, he left the bed, making the mattress move while Donna chuckled by putting her hand on Aida's belly to stabilize her, avoiding to wake her up, while Harvey crouched down in front of the nightstand and pulled the drawer to grab a box hidden at the bottom. As he remained next to the bed, one knee on the ground, clothed only in his boxers, shirtless, the box open with a beautiful ring inside, he saw his girlfriend gasped.
« Donna, will you marry me? »
« Yes » sobbed the redhead.
« Yes? »
« Yeah. Yes »
Harvey rushed to kiss Donna, tears mixing on their lips, their baby still asleep between them as Harvey passed over the little girl to lie on the redhead, kissing her passionately and finally straightening up, straddling his now fiancé to slip the ring on her finger. They didn't wait long before becoming Mr. and Mrs. Specter. Barely three weeks after the proposal, they were in front of the judge, the baby in Jessica's arms while Louis fangirled watching them, and Mike and Rachel were witnesses right behind them. Since then, the couple was happily married with a baby, living the life they had secretly always dreamed of living. And as Harvey was distracted by the picture of the two redheads on his desk, thinking back to everything that happened, he was interrupted by his wife.
« Honey? »
« Hum? »
« It's time »
« Already? »
« Yep, are you coming to pick her up with me or not? »
« Of course, wait for me »
In less than a minute, Harvey had put his things away, grabbing his wife's hand before the two of them started hurrying to the daycare, and barely the woman from this morning arrived with the baby in her arms. The moment Aida recognized her parents, she started to make little high-pitched cries and to fuss until Harvey took her to cuddle her while the two women talked about her day.
« Hey, you give Mommy a kiss? » whispered the lawyer while looking at his wife with love.
As Aida reached out to her mother, Donna covered her with kisses while Harvey prepared her things and her small bag. After installing the baby carrier around his wife and Aida comfortably in it, the couple left the center hand in hand, passing through Central Park to take advantage of the nice weather for a walk, Harvey kissing her quickly to whisper against her lips.
« I'll get us something to drink, stay here »
Once Harvey was in the Starbucks nearby, Donna interacted with the little girl who was babbling against her, giving her big smiles, while Donna placed lots of little kisses on her face until she froze when she heard a male voice behind her.
« Donna? »
She recognized that voice perfectly, and yet, she turned around to make sure she hadn't hallucinated.
« Mitchell »
« Well, that was fast »
« Look — »
« Don't tell me you did this kid with this guy.. Harvey, right? »
Seeing her not answer, he laughed with a sigh before resuming the conversation.
« Of course you did. Tell me, how long did you wait between when you two started dating him and when you gave him a baby? We've only been divorced for two years, and this child is not a newborn. So? What did you wait for? A year? Ten months? Maybe less? »
« Mitchell, what's the point of talking about the past? It's not — »
« Come on, just to reassure myself that I made the right decision by filing for divorce »
« Seven months »
« Seven months? Wow, that's the same length of time as our marriage. Funny how things could change when it's the right person »
« I'm sorry, Mitchell, really. We didn't really talk during the whole procedure, but I wanted to say that I'm sorry, you didn't deserve all this. You're a good man »
« Well, it's already good to recognize it »
« I never thought that our divorce had something to do with you, it was my fault and mine alone »
« Alright. Well, I see that things turned out well for you. How old is she? »
« Six months »
« And her name? »
« Aida »
« She's cute, and she looks exactly like you »
« Yeah. What about you? »
« Well, I'm dating this girl for a year now, and we're really good together »
« I'm happy for you, Mitchell »
At the same time, the little girl began to get agitated as she looked behind Mitchell, making high pitched noises, before seeing Harvey chuckling before he stopped dead when he saw his wife in full conversation with a man, but not just any man, his wife's ex-husband. Faced with the coldness of the moment, he turned around before straightening up, seeing who was behind him, two cups in hand.
« You must be Harvey »
« Mitchell »
« Congratulations »
« Thank you » replied the lawyer, not very sure of how to react.
« Anyway, it was nice to see you, Donna »
« Bye, Mitchell »
After a last nod between the two men, the blonde left the sidewalk, disappearing from the street after a few seconds, and as the redhead remained fixed, Harvey placed his lips on hers in a quick kiss before murmuring.
« Don't do that »
« I'm not, I swear, Harv »
« Why are you looking like that, then? »
« He told me he met someone, and he's happy now. I always felt guilty with the feeling of having ruined his life, but he's alright »
« Yeah »
« And look at us..»
« We love each other » smiled Harvey.
« — as we have never loved anyone before »
« We devote ourselves to the other — »
« — like we always used to »
« We're ready to die for each other — »
« — like we would never have done it for anyone else »
« We are each other's family — »
« — the only family we needed »
« And we are the most important people for each other »
« —w e are, yeah »
« I'm so happy you broke my heart by marrying another dude »
« Harvey » giggled at Donna.
« I'm serious, babe. This situation killed me for over a year, but you could do it again as many times as you want that I won't mind. Because, when I see this life — you, me, our baby — I'II would die a thousand times if it meant I would have been as happy as I am now »
« I love you, Harv »
« I love you too. So much »