Repressed Memories - Chapter 3

joke of a brother

plane-theory

6

When Lincoln woke up, his head was in the lap of his elder sister.

Trying to get up, he felt a shooting pain in his head, and his head fell back onto the girl's knee.

Lincoln's stirring caught the attention of Luan, who was fiddling with her phone. Upon opening his eyes, he saw a more relaxed expression on her face. He internally shuddered, an angry Luan was one of the scariest things in the Loud house, in his opinion.

Lincoln opened his mouth to talk, or at least, he attempted to talk, but all that came out was a groan.

"Stay down bro," Luan said with a smile, putting her phone away. "Sorry for clocking you, seems like I really did a number on ya. Ha-ha, get it?"

Lincoln's only response was another groan, and he covered his face with his hands.

"You've been out for almost 25 minutes, by the way," Luan added, in that chipper voice of hers. "I was starting to get worried that you wouldn't wake up at all, Sleeping Beauty."

With great effort, Lincoln finally managed to pull himself into a sitting position. Looking at his surroundings, he frowned. "We aren't in the alley anymore…" he said, rubbing his forehead.

"That we are not." Luan replied. "Lynn helped me carry you here after I decked you…" she paused. "Sorry for that, by the way."

Lincoln nodded.

"I just got… so mad, I guess," Luan said with a sigh. "You hyped us all on this family send off, then just, slept in."

Lincoln winced as he remembered persuading and roping in his siblings for his plan. Most of his siblings had been unenthused, Leni being the sole exception. In the end, Lincoln had pleaded with and badgered each of his sisters into helping out with the surprise party, although they had been mad at him when their parents had announced their own party plans, set a day before his own planned party. The siblings had already purchased all of the supplies and whatnot, so the family had decided to go ahead with the secret 2nd party anyways.

At least, it was supposed to be secret before that dumbass Leni leaked the party.

'Hey, she didn't mean to! She just got… a little excited." Lincoln indignantly replied to the voice in his head.

Yeah, and she was so excited and you ditched on the plan, big man.

Lincoln internally winced, knowing that the voice was somewhat right. He was roused from his thoughts by a light shake on his elbow.

"Hey spacey, you there?" Luan asked, waving her hand in front of his face. "Can you talk yet or are ya still seeing stars?"

Luan's laugh was cut off by Lincoln's heartfelt apology. "I'm sorry Luan, really, I am."

"Apology accepted," Luan replied. A slight smirk crossed her face. "I think the other sisters might be a little more irked with you though. Good luck getting apologies from them, especially Lola."

Lincoln stayed silent, so Luan opted to continue talking.

"Yeah, Leni will forgive you, she's too nice to hold a grudge, especially against you, Lisa probably didn't care too much to begin with, Lana and Lynn probably just want an explanation, and you can probably bribe Lola into forgiving you in a week." She paused, seeing Lincoln's pensive, almost guilty expression.

"Don't worry about it brother," Luan said, trying to cheer the boy up. "Luna and Lucy probably already forgave you as well, you're their favorite, after all, so that's 3 out of 10, 4 if you count Lily, and it's 4 out of 9 if you exclude the Phone Queen, which I am." Luan's arms crossed in mock indignation at that last comment. She saw something shift in Lincoln's expression at the mention of Lucy and Lori, so she took that as a good sign and continued about them.

"I mean, she ditched the party too, just like you did actually. Ticked me right off, after I took charge of setting your plans into motion, the person it was for just up and left without saying goodbye! You think you know a gal but…" Luan paused again to gather her emotions.

"It kind of- hurt, you know, when we realized that she was well and truly gone." Luan's voice had lowered to almost a whisper. "Like, we're family, and she just- poofed, skedaddled, scrammed."

Lincoln saw a tear start to slide down Luan's face, and he lurched forwards and enveloped her in a hug. She returned the hug, and began to cry quietly in earnest.

"Was it us? I just don't understand why…"

Lincoln patted her back rhythmically as Luan sobbed, guilt and unease flowing through him, pooling in his stomach.

Something close to another half hour passed, and Luan finally released him. "So what's got you all spooked and running like a bat outta hell?" Luan said with a watery chuckle.

Lincoln stiffened. "I dunno… it just felt like I was going to hurl in the house for some reason, I needed to get out."

"Lincoln Loud, willingly going outside, must be a Christmas miracle all right!" Luan's smile, forced and shaky, was replaced with a slight frown. "You wanna talk about whatever it is?"

Lincoln's first instinct was to immediately answer with a resounding NO, but he held his tongue, Truthfully, a lot had been going on, and a part of him wanted to spill his guts to her, say what he couldn't say to Lucy earlier in the day, before he -

Lincoln suddenly turned pale and dashed off the bench towards some bushes. "Linc?" Luan's concerned voice echoed behind him as he vomited for the third time into the bushes. "You alright there?"

"I'm just a little…" his voice trailed off.

A little what? Insane? Stupid? Guilty?

The reality of what he had done was crashing down on him. Luan's concern would turn to contrition, his other sisters would condemn him, his parents would look at him with disgust and disappointment and -

Listen buddy, you're starting to spiral again.

Lincoln wanted to heed the voice, really, he did, but something snapped inside of him and the guilt pooling in the pit of his stomach was unleashed, spreading through the rest of his body like a virus. He could see Luan, slowly stepping towards him, with a look of love and concern on her face, but the dread and guilt slowly morphed her face into a cruel, sadistic smirk, a look he had only seen on her during April Fools. He felt an encroaching darkness in the corners of his eyes and his vision began to blur.

As her lips moved, her voice came out in a horrible, distorted tone. "I know what you did Lincoln…"

A hand extended and grabbed his shoulder, and Lincoln embraced the darkness.

Luan patiently waited for Lincoln to continue, but she began to grow concerned as Lincoln's face swirled through a myriad of different emotions. She saw guilt, fear, nervousness, anxiety, and confusion rapidly run across the boy's face, almost in a cycle. "Lincoln?" She asked tentatively, reaching out her arm again to shake his shoulder.

As her hand touched Lincoln's shoulder, the boy jumped. He leapt away from her like a rocket, sweating, stumbling, and stuttering. Luan retracted her hand in shock, as the boy continued to tremble. "Lincoln y-you alright?" A quiver entered her voice, something was definitely wrong with her brother, and she didn't think that her trademark humor could really help him.

Luan took a step forward, stopping as she watched the clearly distressed Lincoln matching her movement, backing away from her.

Lincoln sank to the ground, shivering and hyperventilating, and Luan watched as her typically calm and confident brother unraveled in front of her eyes.

Luan stepped forward once again, and Lincoln again panicked, scrambling away from her, stopping when his back hit the bushes.

Luan was at a loss for what to do. For a moment, she cursed herself for not being Luna or Lucy, thinking that they would know what to do to calm the boy. Her hand unconsciously drifted towards her pocket, fingers reaching toward her phone to contact one of her sisters, any of them.

Shaking her head, Luan snapped out of her somewhat depressive funk. Lincoln needed her help now, and as his sister, she needed to aid him, not throw a pathetic pity party for herself.

Luan, filled with resolve, took a few tentative steps towards the cowering Lincoln. The boy was sitting on the ground, knees pulled into his chest, slowly rocking back and forth. He made an effort to control his cries, but some quiet sobs escaped from the balled up figure.

"N-no, sis, please… please stop…" Lincoln's voice was barely a whisper, but it stopped Luan dead in her tracks. The distance between them was closing, but Luan hesitated at his words, fearing that they were towards her.

"I don't want this… please just stop… I promise I won't tell anyone…" Lincoln's voice quavered and grew quieter and quieter. He hugged his knees tighter into himself, and Luan acted.

She rushed forwards and scooped the boy into her arms, feeling his breath hitch, and his body stiffen. "Lincoln," she said quietly in a soothing tone, "It's me, Luan, I'm here for you. Nothing can hurt you, your big sister is here." Luan rubbed his back rhythmically, feeling his racing heart rate begin to slow, and hearing his cries become more quiet and controlled.

Lincoln had calmed down.

He finally awoke from the panicked trance he was in, his senses gradually returning to him as the negative emotions in him began to feel a little less overwhelming. He felt the hand rubbing circles into his back, he heard the soothing tone of Luan's voice as she quietly talked into his ear, he smelled the scent of the grass around him, and he could taste the salty tears that caked his face.

He lifted his head, trying to take in his surroundings, only for his head to ram straight into the chin of Luan.

"Ouch!" she exclaimed, rubbing her chin in slight pain. "Seems like you finally got your head in the game, huh?"

Lincoln watched the girl, the slight smile on her face was marred with questions and concern, but she held her tongue.

The two sat in relative silence, with Luan's expression becoming more and more awkward as time passed. Suddenly sighing, Luan broke the silence. "So what was that about, Linc?"

Lincoln shook his head, and Luan sighed a second time. "Well, I guess you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to now, but just know that I'm here for you, Linc. I always will be." she said, gingerly grasping his hand.

"Y-you won't be…" Lincoln whispered, and Luan's tender smile turned into a frown.

"What do you mean by that? Did something bad happen?" Luan probed, her brows furrowing.

Lincoln didn't respond, and pushed himself off the ground, Luan following suit. He turned to her, watching Luan brush the dust from her knees, and suddenly enveloped her in a hug.

"Woah there, guess it's really that bad, huh?" Luan asked rhetorically, returning the hug and ruffling his hair.

"Y-you said you would be here for me f-for anything right?" Lincoln's voice was quiet and shaky.

"Yeah of course," Luan automatically replied. "Who'd you hurt or kill? Where are we hiding the body?" She joked.

Lincoln stiffened at the mention of hurting someone, something that did not go unnoticed by the brunette.

Luan was about to press the boy for further details, when her phone buzzed twice in quick succession. She pulled it out, checking her messages, then frowned.

Lincoln looked at her with a questioning look, and Luan shook her head slightly.

"Now what did you do to get Luna and Lynn this riled up brother?" Luan turned the phone towards him, revealing two messages.

Get Lincoln home NOW. We need to talk.

Tell him he better fucking brace himself.

Lincoln put his head into his hands as he read the two messages. He felt well and truly fucked. Luna and Lynn wouldn't give him a chance to breathe, and Luan would most certainly abandon him upon learning what he did to the little goth.

Luan grasped his hand, gingerly peeling it from his face, and gently tugged him in the direction of their house. "Let's go bro, you heard the gals. I promise to try to protect you, though." Luan said with an uneasy smile.

Lincoln felt like a house of cards, ready to fold as he silently followed Luan home. The guilt was eating him from the inside, but he resolved himself as the pair trekked home in silence. He was not going to let that fucking voice take over again, and he was going to take whatever consequence his elder sisters had planned for him, it was the least he could do to try to atone for his actions.

Well, fuck you too dude. You might not think it, but I'm trying to help you out here, you ungrateful whelp.

Lincoln ignored the voice, banishing it to the back of his mind. He grasped Luan's hand slightly tighter, which made her pause slightly and turn towards him.

Lincoln managed a small smile towards his sister, and received a beaming one in return.

And his world suddenly felt a little less overwhelming, just for a second.

A/N:

(Skip this if you don't want to read me yap)

Well it's been a while, huh.

I've been sorta busy with other projects, I'm currently working on a story that was meant to just be a oneshot, but as it crests the 10k word mark, not even halfway finished, I kind of have to rethink the organization of it, I think.

I kinda had to reorganize the outline to this story, and that's partly why this chapter took so long, but now that the outline is revised again, the next chapters should be a bit quicker.

I kind of struggled with writing the dialogue for this chapter, I wanted it to not be super repetitive with the last chapter, with the heavy self doubt/angst, so that's another reason this chapter took so long.

Luan was originally going to be more antagonistic in this chapter, and Lynn was supposed to show up at the end to drag the two home, but I decided against that idea.

Anyways - the new Picking up the Pieces chapter is in the works currently, and I should be able to finish it by the end of this weekend (the 10th-11th maybe)...

Answering Reviews -

(from Picking up the Pieces)

Guest - Oct 28

Well you got the implication right, and a scene like that is in my outline towards the end of the story, but it might get cut if I don't like the flow of the dialogue in the scene.

Tornado man:

Thanks, and no pairing is planned for this story, just a one-sided crush sorta thing to add tension. The pairing thing might change though, but probably not.

Reviews Welcome