- So you're saying in the past three years you never thought about marring me?- he asks with a smile, because he cannot seem to do anything else when he look at her.
- No, of course I have!
- And...?- Logan's hopefulness is almost tangible as he waits.
- And... it's always a really wonderful thought, but it was always hypotetical.- Rory smiles up at him, trying to make him understand.- I never imagined this situation would actually occur. Not because I didn't want it to, but because you...
When she doesn't continue, Logan begins to try and go back in his mind to any moment in which he could have led her to think this is not what he wanted.
So, at least this isn't about her not wanting to marry me. She's just taken aback because she didn't see it coming, because she thought I didn't want this. That's what she's saying, right? But now that she knows that's not the case, she'll say yes... won't she?
- Because I didn't want to?- he tries to finish for her, anxious and impatient.
- Well, yeah, that's what I always assumed.- As Rory looks down and shrugs, he feels a little part of his heart breaking at the thought of her actually thinking he didn't want to spend the rest of his life with her.
I know I gave her every reason to doubt me, but it still hurts. If she didn't think we would be toghether forever... what? Has she been sticking around just for a good time, then? Is our relationship a temporary thing for her?
No, no. This is Rory. My Rory. The stubborn and fierce blue-eyed girl who stood by me when I had it all and when I lost it all. When I was nothing and when I began to make a name for myself.
- Okay, but now that you know that's not the case?- He has a giddy smile back in place when he reaches out and brings her closer by the hips. But when she doesn't answer right away, his face falls and he loosens his grip on her a little.- Or...- He fears the answer to this, but he must ask.- Is it the case for you? I mean, I should've stopped and thought about the fact that maybe this is not what you picture for your future, maybe this is not what you want in the long run. Maybe... we are not on the same page?- His hands go straight to his pockets, his face looking down at his shoes, trying to avoid her blue irises.- I'm sorry, Ace. I should've known this is not what you had in mind when we talked about 'factoring each other in'. I didn't mean to embarrass you in front of your family. I just... can we forget about this?
Yet when Rory's eyes widen so big that he has to fight back the urge to laugh, Logan knows she's taken offense at his last statement.
- Are you freaking serious?- She all but whispers.- Please, tell me, if this is one of those very few times I don't get your jokes because they're far too moronic for me to understand, or if you are actually asking me this stupidity?
Her voice has gone up an octave (and way too many decibels) higher. And he can't help but grin.
However, it lasts for a short moment when he notices Rory's eyes are beginning to water.
Shit. This is not how this was supposed to go. For goodness' sake, I had a carriage with white horses waiting for her to say a single word that would lead us to the "happily ever after" I never knew could exist before her.
And now I made her cry. Is there anything else I can screw up?
- Sweetie, I...
- You broke my heart, left me screaming in a pub, and then asked for forgiveness... and I forgave you. Against my better judgment. You lied to me, hid the fact that you slept with multiple women, and then, what happened?- She pretends to think for a second while the tears are running down her face with more force than before.- Oh, right! You jumped, drunk, off a plane and almost died. You asked me to bear with you, to have patience, to believe in you and the fact that you were going to get better... and I did. I stayed.
- Rory, I... - But she doesn't let him interrupt her, since she is nowhere near finished.
- Shut up!- At his stunned and perplexed expression, she continues.- When the whole internet deal fell through, you didn't only lie to me and hide the fact it happened, you took it out on me. And then, surprise! You asked me to forgive you, to believe in you, and guess what? I did!
- Look, Rory, if this is your way of saying no, I think it's better if...
- Oh, my gosh! Are you even listening to me? - She begins pacing in circles, as he seriously questions how slim the possibility is that she's lost her mind.
I am listening to her... I just don't understand a thing! Where is this going? What is she trying to tell me? I know very well she's a rambling machine, but even this is next level. So much so that I don't think even Lorelai herself would be able to keep up.
- I am, but I also have to admit I'm a little lost here, Ace.
Finally, she stops dead in her tracks and locks eyes with him. Every ounce of vulnerability he's ever seen in her is all there, overwhelming him.
- Aren't you listening? I stayed, Logan.- Her words suddenly so soft, calm.- I stood by you. I stand by you. All those times you asked me to believe you, I did. Because you always gave me every reason to believe in your word. Even when I didn't like it.
Okay, so why is she crying then?!
- So how can you even stand there, after everything, and accuse me of not being all in?- Her sobs begin small, but make themselves more audible with every word.- How is it that you can even allow that thought inside your head, knowing what you know about me, about us? Everything we've overcome; the pain we've endured, the love we've shared, the home we've made...
- No, Rory, that's not what I was saying. - Suddenly, panic begins to kick in at the sound of pure disappointment in her voice.
- "Maybe this is not what you want for the long run". - She repeats with disgust.- Then what the hell is that supposed to mean?
Fine. I did dig my own grave for that one.
- I just freaked out! Okay?- Now is his turn to outburst.- I open my heart to you, tell you I want to spend the rest of life with you, and you drag me outside to talk about it?
He sees the moment Rory wants to interrump, and hold his hands in between of them, gesturing "time".
- No, no. You had your turn to ramble your storm of feelings out. Guess what? I have one of my own as well!
As she takes a deep breath and nods vemehenly her head once, Logan takes a minute to collect himself. When he takes the little velvet box out of his pocket again, looking down at it once before redirecting his eyes to hers, he knows this is all or nothing. This very moment holds the weight of every ounce of happiness he's ever known and could every experience in the future.
What would life look like without her... if she is my life? I don't think I could ever love again - nor want to. Now that I know what the best this life could offer is, anything that isn't her would feel empty, incomplete, pointless. What's the point of life without the one person who gives it meaning?
Rushing home from work. Buying flowers just because I love to see her melt and shower me with "butterfly kisses," as she calls them. Calling her new pet names randomly because I melt when she blushes and tells me quietly, "I like it when you call me 'baby'."
How, heaven help me, can I carry on without that in my everyday?
Okay, enough pity party. Here it goes.
- I know I kinda cornered you back there. I'm just realizing it. You have to believe me, it was not me trying to ambush you, Ace.- His eyes pleading with hers.- But having your family there, everyone so cheery, I guess I just thought... we could add another celebration to this amazing night. I'm truly, really sorry I screwed it up.
- Logan, you didn't. - Rory announces quietly, taking a step forward, but he takes a step back, indicating he needs space for what's coming.
- I know you had every right to be taken aback. I should've at least tested the waters with you, given you a hint or something. But then it wouldn't have been a surprise. And I really wanted us to have this moment to remember down the road, with all the people who care about you, and you care about. I said what I said out of fear, Rory. I know you love me. But sometimes it's hard to tell how high on your list of priorities I am. I'm sorry, I know it's not fair on you. After all the crap you put up with, the hell I put you through. It was stupid of me.
Taking one last look at the velvet box he's fidgeting with, he places it in her hands and holds them as he gathers all the courage he can muster.
- This...- He gives a little squeeze to her hands, surrounding the promise of his love.-... is the proof you are magic. You turned a childish, irresponsible, womanizer frat boy into a partially responsible man who is beyond content reveling in the fact he belongs to one woman. You turned my monotonous lazy hangover Saturdays into early breakfasts solving the New York Times' crosswords and tickle fights on the couch. From wanting to stay as late as possible every single night out at the club with my friends, to rushing back home as soon as I can to be able to hear about your day, to tell you about mine. To hold you, to kiss you, to make love to you. You are the only girl I ever made love to, because the concept of "love" was nonexistent for me before you.
At this point, Logan's voice is already quivering and thick with emotion, while Rory's eyes are quietly raining down her cheeks.
- I can't promise you that there won't be cloudy days, but I sure as hell can promise you I'll move Heaven and Earth to clear them for you. I will mess up, I know I will, you know it, too. But I will never recycle old mistakes, you say the word and I will fix whaterver needs to be fixed. I know you have serious trust issues because of your dad, your history, but Rory... there is no job, no city, no name legacy that could ever keep me from coming home to you every day. We may fight, scream, storm out... but at the end of the day, we both know we'll fall asleep holding each other in our bed, whispering appologies that we know are true.
Taking in Rory's motionless face and body, Logan goes for broke.
- I want it all with you, Ro. I want to watch you succeed, travel with you wherever your dreams take you, and be on the first row of your every achievement cheering you on.
I could scare her shitless. But I have to lay all my cards on the table. It's all or nothing. Now or never.
- I want the house, the dog, the cat, the annoying family, a coffee-themed kitchen, you stealing my t-shirts every chance you get... everything we have now, and more. I want it all with you.- As he swallows the last of his fears, he finishes by opening the lid of the velvet box that's tucked between their hands.- I want to marry you, Rory.
Logan holds her hands while looking straight into her eyes for any hint of what the hell she is thinking.
Damn if I don't want our kids to have her eyes... wait, what? I did not just think that! Too soon, too fast. It will scare her off... although, after such a speech? Too late, I guess.
Hold on. Why is she not moving? Is this... her way of saying 'no'?
Nodding to himself, he lets go of her hands, turns around, and walks away.
Just when he's about to disappear from her sight, he hears Rory's voice, although he's not sure what she just said since his mind was plotting different ways to convince Finn and Colin to help him jump off that plane again.
- What?- He quickly turns to her.
- I said I'm allergic to cats.- She says, pretending to be annoyed that she has to repeat herself.- I said I want the dog, but I draw the line with the cat. So if that's a deal-breaker for you, then...
And before her usual rambling can go on, his lips are on hers, passionatly holding her hips with both hands.
- That's a yes, isn't it? The overwhelming joy taking over him as he gazes into her eyes.
- Yes, you jerk, ass, arrogant, inconsiderate, mindless, frat-boy, low-life, butt-faced miscreant!
Their laughs and kisses are barely audible through the big Gilmore window... behind of which the Gilmores themselves stand speechless.
Hello, everyone! This is Revernir and I am SO excited to begin writing (on this platform).
Please let me know what you think about it and if there is any suggestion you'd like to make.
As a disclaimer: of course I do not own any of these characters. They all belong to the TV show Gilmore Girls. But you know that already!