Wario and Waluigi: The Blues Brothers

Chapter 3

Wario and Waluigi were on the road for a while until they were in an area and parked by an orphanage

Don't tell me this is... Wario said

Yeah. It is. Waluigi said

What are we doing here? Wario said

You're going to fulfill a promise. Toad said

What? Wario said

You promised you'd visit the Penguin the day you got out. Waluigi said

Oh. Right. Wario said

Well? Waluigi said

Uh... Wario said

What? Waluigi said

I lied to her. Wario said

What? Waluigi said

You lied? Toad said

Yeah. I lied. Wario said

You can't lie to a nun. Waluigi said

I already did. Wario said

Look we gotta go in and visit the Penguin. Waluigi said

No fucking way. Wario said

Come on Wario. Waluigi said

No. Wario said

Please? Waluigi said

No. Wario said

Pretty please? Toad said

Forget it. Wario said

Pretty pretty please? Waluigi and Toad both said

Not gonna happen. Wario said

So you're not gonna get out huh? Waluigi said

Nope. Wario said

Really? Waluigi said

Yup. Wario said

Oka you asked for it. Waluigi said

What? Wario said

Toad? Waluigi said

Yeah? Toad said

Stay in the car. Waluigi said

Okay. Toad said

Wario? Waluigi said

Yeah? Wario said

Let's go. Waluigi said

I said no. Wario said

Waluigi opened his car door and went outside and opened Wario's car door and pulled him by the ear

Ow. Wario said

Let's go. Waluigi said

Wario and Waluigi went inside the orphanage building and opened a door with some stairs leading to an office

I can't believe we're doing this. Wario said

Yeah. I know. Waluigi said

Let's get over with. Wario said

Alright. Waluigi said

Wario and Waluigi walked up the stairs and looked at a statue of Jesus while the door behind them closed

I think the door closed behind us. Wario said

Yeah. I know. Waluigi said

I'm getting nervous. Waluigi said

Don't worry. Just be cool. Waluigi said

Wario and Waluigi walked a few more steps and were about to knock on the door until...

Who is it? a voice said

Wario and Waluigi. Waluigi said

Wario and Waluigi? a voice said

Yeah. Waluigi said

Suddenly the door opened surprising Wario and Waluigi while also revealing a female nun was inside an office

Come in. the female nun said

Wario and Waluigi entered the female nun's office and approached the female nun who was looking at them while another door behind them closed again

Hello, boys. the female nun said

Hi. Wario said

Hello. Waluigi said

Nice to see you. the female nun said

Of course. Wario said

Nice to see you too. Waluigi said

Please, have a seat. the female nun said

Wario and Waluigi walked to some desk chairs and sat down on them

No, boys. the female nun said

Huh? Wario said

What? Waluigi said

Come over here in front of me. the female nun said

In front of you? Wario said

Yes. the female nun said

Seriously? Waluigi said

Yes. the female nun said

Why? Waluigi said

I want to see your faces. the female nun said

Our faces? Wario and Waluigi both said

Yes. the female nun said

Okay. Wario said

Alright. Waluigi said

Wario and Waluigi moved their desk chairs in front of the female nun

Okay, we're here. Wario said

Good. the female nun said

So what's up? Waluigi said

Well, the county took a tax assessment of this property last month. the female nun said

What? Wario said

Seriously? Waluigi said

Yes, and they want 5000. the female nun said

Doesn't the church have to pay for that? Waluigi said

That would be if they were interested in keeping the place but... the female nun said

But...? Waluigi said

But they aren't. the female nun said

Oh. Wario said

Oh. Waluigi said

The Archbishop wants to sell this building outright to the Board of Education. the female nun said

What's going to happen to you? Waluigi said

I'll be sent to the missions: Africa, Latin America, Korea... the female nun said

Forget it. Wario said

What? Waluigi said

What? the female nun said

5000? No problem. Wario said

Excuse me? the female nun said

We'll have it for you in the morning. Let's go, Waluigi. Wario said

Okay. Waluigi said

Before Wario and Waluigi can get up and leave the female nun stops them

No. the female nun said

Huh? Wario said

What? Waluigi said

I will not take your filthy, stolen money. the female nun said

Well then. I guess you're really up shit creek. Wario said

The female nun hits Wario with her ruler

Ow. Wario said

I beg your pardon. What did you say? the female nun said

I offered to help you. Wario said

What else? the female nun said

You refused to take our money. Wario said

What else? the female nun said

Then i said, "I guess you're up really up shit creek. Wario said

The female nun hits Wario with her ruler again

Ow. Wario said

Christ, Wario, take it easy, man. Waluigi said

Waluigi. the female nun said

The female nun hits Waluigi with her ruler

Ow. Shit. Waluigi said

Jesus. Wario said

Wario. the female nun said

The female nun hits Wario with her ruler again

Ow. Wario said

Jesus christ. Waluigi said

The female nun hits Waluigi with her ruler again

Ow. Waluigi said

Shit! Wario said

The female nun continues to hit Wario and Waluigi with her ruler because of their foul language

Jesus. Wario said

Shit. Waluigi said

Godamn it. Waluigi said

Son of a bitch. Wario said

Jesus christ. You son of a bitch. Waluigi said

The female nun continues to hit Wario and Waluigi more with her ruler because of their foul language

Jesus christ. Wario said

You fat penguin. Waluigi said

The female nun was done hitting them with her ruler and then took out a sword

Oh crap. Wario said

Fuck this noise, man. Waluigi said

Waluigi went out the door and down the stairs while Wario was trying to get away from the female nun who kept hitting him with another ruler until he fell down the stairs and onto the floor as Waluigi approached him

Are you okay? Waluigi said

I'm fine. Wario said

You are such a disappointing pair. the female nun said

Huh? Wario said

What? Waluigi said

I prayed so hard for you. It saddens and hurts me that the two young men whom i raised to believe in the Ten Commandments have returned to me as two thieves with filthy mouths and bad attitudes. the female nun said

Seriously? Wario said

Are we that bad? Waluigi said

Yes. You are. the female nun said

Oh. Wario said

Wow. Waluigi said

Get out. And don't come back until you've redeemed yourselves. the female nun said

Suddenly like a vampire the female nun went backwards into her office while the door closed for her

Well, that didn't go so well. Wario said

Yeah. Waluigi said

What a pain in the ass. Wario said

Yeah. Waluigi said

While Wario and Waluigi were on the floor someone called out to them

Well well well. a voice said

Huh? Wario said

What? Waluigi said

Wario and Waluigi turned to see a man who dressed just like them standing before them

Boys, you gotta learn not to talk to nuns that way. the man said

Wario, Waluigi. the man said

Curtis! Wario and Waluigi both said

Wario and Waluigi approached Curtis while hugging and shaking him

Hey man. Curtis said

It's been a while. Wario said

You look fine, man. Waluigi said

Good to see you, man. Wario said

Definitely good. Waluigi said

Thanks. Hey, buy you boys a drink? Curtis said

Sure. Wario said

Okay. Waluigi said

Great. Let's go. Curtis said

Wario and Waluigi went to Curtis's place as Curtis was preparing drinks for them

Boys, things are bad. Curtis said

Really? Wario said

How so? Waluigi said

They're gonna sell this place to the Board of Education and i'll be on the street. Curtis said

What? Wario and Waluigi both said

Yeah. Curtis said

Uh oh it looks like Curtis is in trouble too how will Wario and Waluigi help stay tuned

TO BE CONTINUED